Be with the Word

Overall TakeawayWe need to understand that God doesn’t expect us to pray perfectly. In fact, it’s okay to pray badly -- and we need to get better at praying badly. From a psychological perspective, we need to take risks in prayer to deepen our relationship with God.Key Verses from Sunday Readings“And you taught your people, by these deeds,that those who are just must be kind;and you gave your children good ground for hopethat you would permit repentance for their sins.”“You, O LORD, are good and forgiving,abounding in kindness to all who call upon you.”“The Spirit comes to the aid of our weakness;for we do not know how to pray as we ought,but the Spirit himself intercedes with inexpressible groanings.”“While everyone was asleep his enemy cameand sowed weeds all through the wheat, and then went off.When the crop grew and bore fruit, the weeds appeared as well.The slaves of the householder came to him and said,‘Master, did you not sow good seed in your field?Where have the weeds come from?’He answered, ‘An enemy has done this.’”Where Catholicism Meets PsychologyG.K. Chesterton says, “If a thing is worth doing, it’s worth doing badly,” which is counter to the world’s message that we have to do things perfectly. This can lead to us being afraid or to avoid trying things, especially in prayer.Think about how a good father helps a child to learn to talk. He works to understand what the toddler is trying to say, help him with grammar and diction, and helps him put his needs and thoughts into the right words. We are to be like little children with God. He promises us in this week’s readings that He will help us.Remember that prayer is all about relationship with God. He looks at me; I look at Him. Many of us may get wrapped up the perfect form of prayer. God wants a relationship with us; not a perfect performance of prayer.The translation of “weed” in this week’s gospel is actually Darnel ryegrass, which looks a lot like wheat, gets impossibly tangled with wheat, and can host a poisonous microbe that can cause hallucinations. The only main, recognizable difference is the fruit: the seed of wheat is brown while the seed of Darnel ryegrass is blackJust like some people in the world, it looks good and perhaps holy on the outside, but has poisonous fruit. However, God assures us that He will take care of it in the end. Our job is to do the best we can. We can pray badly; He will compensate for us. He’s only asking that our hearts are in the right place; He will do the rest.Action ItemsThis week, try one new thing in your prayer that you think might bring you into a deeper relationship with God. It might be singing a hymn badly. It might be having a heart-to-heart discussion about something important; maybe you can’t express your fear, anxiety or worry in the right words, but try. Recognize how God helps you in the effort.

Overall TakeawaysThe parable of the sower and the seed is about being receptive to God’s gifts and promptings. It’s a story that’s meant to touch our heart and soul as well as to be intellectually understood. Learn how to be spiritually and psychologically more receptive to the soil of God’s word.Key Verses from Sunday Readings“We know that all creation is groaning in labor pains even until now;and not only that, but we ourselves,who have the firstfruits of the Spirit,we also groan within ourselvesas we wait for adoption, the redemption of our bodies.”“A sower went out to sow.And as he sowed, some seed fell on the path,and birds came and ate it up.Some fell on rocky ground, where it had little soil.It sprang up at once because the soil was not deep,and when the sun rose it was scorched,and it withered for lack of roots.Some seed fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked it.But some seed fell on rich soil, and produced fruit,a hundred or sixty or thirtyfold.Whoever has ears ought to hear.”“Gross is the heart of this people,they will hardly hear with their ears,they have closed their eyes,lest they see with their eyesand hear with their earsand understand with their hearts and be converted,and I heal them.”Where Catholicism Meets PsychologyJesus teaches in parables to help Him reach our hearts just as we teach our children moral lessons through fables and stories. Jesus wants us to learn in an integrated way--not just intellectually through studying our catechism--but through stories that can change our heart, soul, and even affect our body sensations.When Jesus talks about seed falling on the hard path, we can see that psychologically as a closed mind. When we are afraid or cognitive inflexible in hearing, the seed is landing on that hard path.The rocky soil are the moments of trial and persecution. We all may know we need to stay calm and recollected, but when life’s irritations or frustrations arise, it’s easy to get carried away by our passions and allow that seed to wither away in those moments.Seed falling among the thorns could mean our attachments to worldly cares and riches or they may refer to things like anxiety that shades the seed and steals its nutrients, preventing it from truly growing.The good soil is receptive. The essence of life is in the seed, but the seed needs the soil. There’s a necessary relationship. It’s interesting to note the Latin root of humus, which is the organic material in the soil, is the same as humility, which is needed to be in relationship with Christ.Action ItemPractice at least one of the four ways to hear with your heart, or do all four this week:Allow yourself to be influenced by God and by loved ones. Be receptive to the soil.Spend some time in reflection, perhaps in your prayer, spiritual reading, or observations. Let those experiences sink in.Make some space to be with those reflections. Slow down daily life. Let go of distractions. Allow the nourishment in the soil to reach your heart.Take some kind of action. That’s the fruit. Do something differently as a result.

Overall TakeawayIt’s often easier for us to read about God or execute spiritual practices than to have a true relationship with Him due to psychological wounds from our past. We need to learn to open our hearts to allow God to give us an experience of His comfort and care.Key Verses from Sunday Readings“See, your king shall come to you;a just savior is he,meek, and riding on an ass,on a colt, the foal of an ass.”“Brothers and sisters:You are not in the flesh;on the contrary, you are in the spirit,if only the Spirit of God dwells in you.”“Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened,and I will give you rest.Take my yoke upon you and learn from me,for I am meek and humble of heart;and you will find rest for yourselves.For my yoke is easy, and my burden light.”Where Catholicism Meets PsychologyTwo secular psychologists promote an Idealized Parent Figure Therapy protocol where patients are asked to create perfect, imaginary parent figures to relate with in order to heal. As Catholics, we already have perfect real parents in God the Father and the Blessed Virgin Mary. We need them to re-parent us..Learning to feel reassured and comforted from God the Father and Mary is not a mental exercise. It’s a matter of becoming a small child full of simple trust. This is difficult because many of us have been hurt when we’ve allowed ourselves to become vulnerable to people in our lives. Because of these experiences, we don’t want to allow ourselves to be vulnerable to God.When the Gospel says “my yoke is easy,” the translation of easy is “fits”. God selects a yoke that fits us perfectly; just as a carpenter can make a yoke for an animal that fits it perfectly. When we pick our own yokes, our own crosses, our own practices, we sometimes experience pain, chafing and greater difficulties. Action ItemThis week, reflect on where you go for comfort when you’re in your dark place. Do you try to find consolation in your spouse, children, or friend? Or in alcohol, food or TV? Then, start doing St. Ignatius’ particular examination of conscience that focuses on a particular vice and its opposite virtue. Ask God to help you trust Him to be the ultimate source for comfort and consolation. Ask Him to help you experience that.

Overall TakeawayAlthough there is some overlap of good that comes from both secular and Catholic-based psychology, they are often diametrically opposed when it comes to finding true happiness. Humanistic psychology is often focused on self while psychology based on a Catholic worldview is focused on selflessness.Key Verses from Sunday Readings“Since he visits us often, let us arrange a little room on the roofand furnish it for him with a bed, table, chair, and lamp,so that when he comes to us he can stay there.”“Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me,and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me”“Whoever receives a prophet because he is a prophetwill receive a prophet’s reward,and whoever receives a righteous manbecause he is a righteous manwill receive a righteous man’s reward.”Where Catholicism Meets PsychologyThere’s a theme in this week’s readings that focus on service and hospitality for those called to a more direct and active mission for God. In helping those called to achieve their mission, we achieve ours.We are called to live out our duties of state, and within that, we are asked to look for ways to be selfless in serving Christ.Many people make sacrifices from a worldly perspective: giving up time with family to succeed in a career, leaving homeland to serve in the military, passing up expensive items for financial security. Are we willing to make the same level of difficult sacrifices for Christ? Psychologically, it’s harder to pick up the cross to serve God in a radical way.We are steeped in the message that secular psychology delivers: if we reach our full human potential, we will be happy.The gospel instead tells us that in giving up worldly things to serve God, we undergo a process of sanctification that will radically transform us to finding our true selves and true happiness.We can’t understand the cross with human reason only, it requires divine revelation to accept the “hard road” especially when secular psychology pushes us to find the easier way, the way of safety and comfort, the path that we’re naturally inclined to take.Action ItemPray about something you can do that’s selfless for someone else. Really listen to someone you don’t like or don’t agree with. Let others go first, in line or on the road. Make a financial sacrifice. Replace the time you spend playing video games or watching TV with prayer or service this week.

Overall TakeawayNo amount of knowledge or control will help us overcome our fear, only a trust in God’s love will help us truly overcome fear. We must exercise courage, despite our feelings of fear, in order to grow in this virtue.Key Verses from Sunday Readings“I hear the whisperings of many:‘Terror on every side!Denounce! let us denounce him!’”“O LORD of hosts, you who test the just,who probe mind and heart,let me witness the vengeance you take on them,for to you I have entrusted my cause.”“See, you lowly ones, and be glad;you who seek God, may your hearts revive!”“Jesus said to the Twelve:‘Fear no one.’”Where Catholicism Meets PsychologyFear is a natural human response. People can do things to make their fear better or worse.We make fear worse when we lose our sense of time and leave the present moment. We either remember bad scenarios in the past or worry about what might happen in the future. Instead, focus on the present and ask yourself, “Do I have everything I need right now?”Knowledge, intellect, and human control doesn’t give us an increased sense of safety. Secular psychology that focuses on increasing self-confidence doesn’t work in the long run.Instead, we have to have a primary sense of God’s love. He is our source of safety and security. Remember God knows everything that’s happening now and will happen. He’s in control.Fearlessness is being out of touch with your own fear and not understanding of others’ fear. Courage is taking positive action in spite of feeling fear. Remember Our Lady was afraid when she was searching for Jesus in Jerusalem, and Jesus was afraid in the Garden of Gethsemane.You have to make a choice between suppressing fear or rallying courage. Suppressing fear often leads to a shrinking “safe space” while rallying courage helps you rise to the challenge and expands your world.Action ItemPray and discern what you’re fearful about, ask for God’s help, and then take an action to practice courage. It could be a particular phone call you don’t want to return or a specific action you’re afraid to take. Trust in God and do what is right. Put yourself in a situation to practice courage.

Overall TakeawayAddiction can be a false idol, distancing us from the Body and Blood of Jesus as well as dehumanizing and isolating ourselves from one another.Key Verses from Sunday Readings"Remember how for forty years now the LORD, your God,has directed all your journeying in the desert ...He therefore let you be afflicted with hunger,and then fed you with manna.”“The cup of blessing that we bless,is it not a participation in the blood of Christ?The bread that we break,is it not a participation in the body of Christ?”Where Catholicism Meets PsychologyThe context of the second reading this week discusses how there used to be a belief that demons resided in food, and by partaking of that food, you had the demon within you. The teaching, then, talked about how that could not co-exist with the Eucharist.When we have an addiction to something, it’s like allowing that demon or enslavement into us. Those things cannot co-exist with our Christian life. However, from a psychological standpoint, we tend to want to compartmentalize ourselves: we can try to hold our Christian self and tuck away this addiction into another part of us in order to hold onto it.The problem is that once that addiction seeps into the rest of our lives, it can overwhelm our entire selves and systems, drawing us into relationship issues, shame, and other serious problems.We need to bring out that part of us, at least to ourselves and to our confessor and admit this addiction is an enslavement and not compatible with the whole. We need integration of self. Watch for the two bad fruits of addiction: dehumanization and isolation.Action ItemsIf possible, have a priest come bless your home. However, Dr. Gerry shares a short prayer you can use to sanctify your devices and living space, turning them over to God’s service. Dr. Peter suggests that you explore any negative reaction to saying such a prayer over a particular item or place, which can give you insight to a potential attachment or addiction.

Overall TakeawayOur God concept is what we profess to be true as faithful, orthodox Catholics and is based on our catechism and the teachings of the Church. Our God image, however, is what we feel in our unconscious about God when we’re in our dark place. We experience tension when our God concept conflicts with our God image.Key Verses from Sunday Readings"The LORD, the LORD, a merciful and gracious God,slow to anger and rich in kindness and fidelity."“For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world,but that the world might be saved through him.”Where Catholicism Means PsychologyEveryone has a God concept. This is what we profess to be true about God and what we know intellectually. It reflects the teachings of the Church, the Bible and our catechism. It’s what we believe in our conscious mind.We also have a God image. This is what we feel to be true about God in our unconscious when we’re in our dark place. It’s often based on our experiences in this sinful world and incorrectly generalizes to God.We experience tension when there is conflict between our God concept and our God image. In a way, we need to internally evangelize those unconscious parts of us that hold an untrue God image.Much of our God image is formed before we are two years old and definitely before the age of reason. For instance, if we’re taught that God loves us and will protect us, but then experience abandonment, abuse or neglect as a child, it’s easy to generalize those human experiences to God.You can’t reason your way out of an incorrect God image. You have to allow God’s grace to provide an experience to help you remove these psychological impediments.Action Item:Answer the following questions to help you begin to understand your personal God image. Begin by imagining you’re in your dark place. It may be a place of depression, anxiety, shame or inferiority. Reflect on these questions:How do you feel? How do you feel about God?What are your assumptions or beliefs?How do you generalize these beliefs to God?What does your body feel like?What are your resulting attitudes?What are your temptations?What are your acts?Bringing these reflections to consciousness can help you understand what to pray for. God wants our brokenness so He can heal us.

Overall TakeawayEnding power struggles with spouses, children and within other important relationships requires an acknowledgement of what you can own on your part, a recognition of the other as a child of God, and an understanding of the need we all have of one another.Key Verses from Sunday Readings“Then there appeared to them tongues as of fire,which parted and came to rest on each one of them.And they were all filled with the Holy Spiritand began to speak in different tongues,as the Spirit enabled them to proclaim.”“As a body is one though it has many parts,and all the parts of the body, though many, are one body,so also Christ.”“Jesus said to them again, ‘Peace be with you.As the Father has sent me, so I send you.’And when he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them,‘Receive the Holy Spirit.’”Where Catholicism Meets PsychologyJust as Christ chose to “need” us to complete His mission on earth, we “need” one another in our individual lives as well as within the Body of Christ.Power struggles within relationships are often counter to this mission; they are divisive. From a psychological perspective, power struggles are often about “winning” an argument or trying to control or change another person. They do not “give life” or “restore” the other as we are called to do.Jesus calls us to be in harmony in the Body of Christ. In order to do this, one person in the power struggle must be self-possessed, calm and recollected to de-escalate the situation. Remember, you can only control your portion of the conflict.Nearly all, if not all, conflict has two sides. Own the part of the conflict that is yours. Apologize if it’s warranted and you are in a place to say you’re sorry.Remember to see the other person as God does: as a beloved child made in His image and likeness. Use that image to help cultivate respect of the other, even in conflict.Parents often demand respect from their children. Instead, work to create an environment for respect to flourish. This could start with praying together or doing positive activities to foster a change within the family system.Recognize that we all have an interdependancy within the family and within the body of God. Action ItemAfter a power struggle or before one occurs, think about and even write down the part of the conflict you can own, how you can recognize that, and if an apology is appropriate. Recognize the other person is a beloved child of God. Consider the important role that person plays in your life, not only in what they are or do for you, but what they encourage you to work on in yourself.

Overall TakeawaysBy understanding the psychological factors that contribute to why we struggle with faith and doubt, we can bring them into our conscious awareness and deal with them directly. This, in turn, opens our hearts to be able to better accept God’s grace and His gift of faith.Key Verses from Sunday Readings“He presented himself alive to themby many proofs after he had suffered,appearing to them during forty daysand speaking about the kingdom of God.”“When they had gathered together they asked him,‘Lord, are you at this time going to restore the kingdom to Israel?’”“They said, ‘Men of Galilee,why are you standing there looking at the sky?This Jesus who has been taken up from you into heavenwill return in the same way as you have seen him going into heaven.’”“May the eyes of your hearts be enlightened,that you may know what is the hope that belongs to his call.”“The eleven disciples went to Galilee,to the mountain to which Jesus had ordered them.When they saw him, they worshiped, but they doubted.”Where Catholicism Meets PsychologyWe see the apostles’ doubt throughout all the readings and the gospels over the last several weeks. It was hard to believe in the resurrection even though Jesus was there with them. Many of us also struggle with doubt today.Often, there are psychological factors underlying why we struggle with faith and doubt. We need to bring those factors out of the unconscious to the conscious so we can address them.As a result of original sin, we suffer psychological as well as physical consequences. Because of things like trauma or dissociation, parts of us may not be in union with Christ. Those parts can then breed doubt or intrusive thoughts.Just like the serpent created doubt in Adam and Eve’s minds in the garden of Eden, he may use our doubt as a hook, which opens us to temptation that can lead to sin. Sometimes our doubt may be trying to “protect” us from some perceived danger, which may actually be an underlying problem in our relationship with God. We need to bring these things to the surface so we can work with them in a deliberate and prayerful way. Action ItemParticipate in this week’s experiential exercise, which Dr. Peter leads you through at the end of the program, to see if you can uncover any psychological reasons for doubt.

Overall TakeawayThe real reason to be obedient is because God loves us and He has the perfect plan for our lives. Obedience is the way to discover that plan.Key Bible Verses from Sunday Readings“Always be ready to give an explanationto anyone who asks you for a reason for your hope,but do it with gentleness and reverence,keeping your conscience clear,so that, when you are maligned,those who defame your good conduct in Christmay themselves be put to shame.”“If you love me, you will keep my commandments.And I will ask the Father,and he will give you another Advocate to be with you always,the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot accept,because it neither sees nor knows him.”Where Catholicism Meets PsychologyOur world often equates being obedient to relinquishing freedom. However, being obedient actually makes us more free to become more fully ourselves.Children learn about obedience through their relationship with their parents. If obedience is used along with fear to force acceptable behavior, this affects how that person sees obedience to God later. Although it’s extremely difficult, demanding obedience as parents must always be surrounded with love. Parents should try not to discipline in anger, which is difficult in times of stress.We have many psychological motivations for our actions. For instance, if we have bad thoughts about ourselves because we do bad things, we might try to convince ourselves that those things are actually good to justify our actions. Other times, we may feel bad about one area of our life and try to overcompensate in another area to “make up” for the first instead of addressing the root of the issue.Any psychological disorder is a problem with love. Sin is anti-love, anti-relationship.God sends us the Paraclete, who is a comforter and helper who will make us strong and brave. We have a mission to fight for Love and fight for the Good. Action ItemThis week, think about your “cause” right now, how you will fight for Good. Consider who reflects the Holy Spirit in your life; who is your support and helper?

Overall TakeawaysWe often have psychological barriers to recognizing Our Lord. Learn how to identify and remove things such as grudges, old assumptions, and memories that tend to distort how we see and understand Jesus.Key Verses from Sunday Mass Readings“The word of God continued to spread,and the number of the disciples in Jerusalem increased greatly;even a large group of priests were becoming obedient to the faith.”“You are ‘a chosen race, a royal priesthood,a holy nation, a people of his own,so that you may announce the praises’ of himwho called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.”“Thomas said to him,‘Master, we do not know where you are going;how can we know the way?’Jesus said to him, ‘I am the way and the truth and the life.’”“Philip said to him,‘Master, show us the Father, and that will be enough for us.’Jesus said to him, ‘Have I been with you for so long a timeand you still do not know me, Philip?’”Where Catholicism Meets PsychologyWe’ve had a theme of trying to recognize Jesus in recent Sunday readings: story of Thomas, the road to Emmaus, and the sheep recognizing the voice of the Good Shepherd. Do we recognize Jesus in our life?When Thomas asks Jesus to show them the way, Jesus says He is the way, the truth and the life. That implies an intimate relationship with Jesus.The early Christians recognized Christ in the holiness of those among them. They didn’t become Christians because of their learning or intelligence; they were chosen as leaders because of their love for one another and for non-Christians.We often have a failure of the faculty of imagination. We are not open to possibilities that are beyond our limited vision. We need to be able to visualize how to let go of the filters that block our clear vision of who Christ is for us. Action Plan for the WeekParticipate in this week’s exercise designed to help you identify psychological obstacles to recognizing Jesus. Things like grudges, old assumptions, memories, resentment, and a lack of a providential worldview can be like sheets of distorted glass in front of us, which warps our perspective and relationship with Christ.

Overall TakewayWhen Jesus, the Good Shepherd, calls us to be His sheep, He’s calling us to be docile. This often means listening to Him through others, being humble, and being open to others’ concerns, and even criticisms, about us.VersesNow when they heard this, they were cut to the heart,and they asked Peter and the other apostles,“What are we to do, my brothers?”Peter said to them,“Repent and be baptized, every one of you,in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins;and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.If you are patient when you suffer for doing what is good,this is a grace before God.For to this you have been called,because Christ also suffered for you,The gatekeeper opens it for him, and the sheep hear his voice,as the shepherd calls his own sheep by name and leads them out.So Jesus said again, “Amen, amen, I say to you,I am the gate for the sheep.All who came before me are thieves and robbers,but the sheep did not listen to them.I am the gate.Catholicism Meets PsychologyIt’s human to want to defend ourselves and our ideas when someone comes to us with concerns or criticism. Our natural inclination is to defend and argue to get our point across.Christ reminds us of the importance of relationship: He knows His sheep by name. We need to focus on loving the other person and that relationship instead of winning the argument, even through a difficult conversation and criticism.If we are defensive and argumentative, we tend to damage the relationship with God, one another, and even ourselves. This often leads to suffering, isolation, and disconnection.Instead, we should be open to being influenced, work on being docile, and listen to the voice of the Good Shepherd through the conflict.Remember that God’s Providence works through all people and situations. Even if there’s no truth in what the other person is saying, God has something for you to learn or take away from that experience. If we can be open to that, we maintain connection with Christ and may be able to understand something deeper in the relationship itself as well.Action ItemWhen someone criticizes you this week: stop, drop and listen. First, stop your natural immediate reaction to get defensive. Second, drop your objection and simply try to see what the other person is giving you. Finally, listen, by trying to understand that person’s experience is, focusing on the relationship. God may be opening a door for deeper understanding and relationship.

Overall TakeawayWe must have a firm, stable, constant and unshaken confidence in God. According to St. Thomas, “Confidence is a hope fortified by solid conviction.” Key Verses from Sunday Mass Readings“Therefore my heart is glad and my soul rejoices,my body, too, abides in confidence;because you will not abandon my soul to the netherworld,nor will you suffer your faithful one to undergo corruption.”“Jesus himself drew near and walked with them,but their eyes were prevented from recognizing him.”“With that their eyes were opened and they recognized him,but he vanished from their sight.Then they said to each other,‘Were not our hearts burning within uswhile he spoke to us on the way and opened the Scriptures to us?’”“Therefore my heart is glad and my soul rejoices,my body, too, abides in confidence;because you will not abandon my soul to the netherworld,nor will you suffer your faithful one to undergo corruption.”Where Catholicism Meets PsychologyWhen we are children, we tend to see our parents as god-like figures. We are totally dependent on them, and we are born with a complete trust in them. As we grow up, we are disappointed in the fallen nature of those around us.How our natural idealization of our parents ends plays a big role in how we come to see God. For example, if we are abused, neglected or traumatized as children, it’s easy for that god-like image to be shattered, and it’s understandable that we develop a lack of confidence in God.We naturally begin to idealize other people such as teachers, romantic partners, or celebrities, seeking something that only God can provide. If all these idealized people disappoint us, we develop an unconscious belief that God will also let us down.These human wounds blind us to God, just as the disciplines were blinded to Jesus on the road to Emmaus. But just like Jesus “opened their eyes,” He can open our hearts to Him, giving us the grace to experience this unshakable confidence, if we allow Him.In order to develop a firm confidence in Christ, we must integrate our mind, heart, soul and body into one. This requires an experienced relationship with God to develop that complete trust and overcome a human fear of abandonment.Action Plan for the WeekParticipate in this week’s experiential exercise, which is led by Dr. Peter at the end of the episode, to help you begin this human integration and grow your confidence in God.

Overall TakeawaysForgiving is good for you. However, it's important to understand the difference between decisional and emotional forgiveness, the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation, and the role that mercy plays to elevate human forgiveness to a supernatural level.Key Verses from Sunday Mass Readings"Let the house of Israel say,'His mercy endures forever.'Let the house of Aaron say,'His mercy endures forever.'Let those who fear the LORD say,'His mercy endures forever.'""Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,who in his great mercy gave us a new birth to a living hopethrough the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading,kept in heaven for you."“Receive the Holy Spirit.Whose sins you forgive are forgiven them,and whose sins you retain are retained.”Where Catholicism Meets PsychologyDecisional forgiveness is an act of the intellect and the will. Emotional forgiveness is the following of the heart. The first is a decision to be made; it can take years or even decades for the latter to follow.Forgiveness does not justify or condone the sinful act that occurred. Instead, it is a choice that is made to free yourself from harboring anger.Forgiveness is a gift that you can offer. The receiving or accepting that gift by the other person is a separate component, which may not occur or may take longer to happen. If the gift of forgiveness is given and received, you achieve reconciliation.Dr. Gerry cites several interesting psychological studies as well as a story of heroic forgiveness from the New York Times in this week's episode. Many studies find that the act of forgiving contributes to better emotional and physical health.Dr. Peter reminds us that forgiveness occurs at the human, natural level. God's mercy is the infusion of grace, propelling forgiveness into the supernatural realm.Action Plan for the WeekIdentify something small that your spouse, child, or close friend does repeatedly that annoys you. Let go of the resentment or frustration, and make a decision to empathize with what they are doing and why they are doing it. Commit to forgiveness and observe what happens inside yourself.

Overall TakeawayJust as Mary Magdalene and all Jesus’ disciples were shell-shocked on Easter morning, we are often confused about the events of our own lives. Dr. Gerry and Dr. Peter talk about how we cannot rely solely on our limited human vision to understand why God allows the things that happen in our own lives, but instead rely on what we know from divine revelation.Key Verses from Sunday Mass Readings"I swear by myself, declares the LORD, that because you acted as you did in not withholding from me your beloved son, I will bless you abundantly.""The LORD calls you back, like a wife forsaken and grieved in spirit, a wife married in youth and then cast off, says your God. For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with great tenderness I will take you back.""For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways, says the LORD.""I will give you a new heart and place a new spirit within you, taking from your bodies your stony hearts and giving you natural hearts.""We know that Christ, raised from the dead, dies no more; death no longer has power over him."Where Catholicism Meets PsychologyEarly on that first Easter Sunday morning, the disciples were utterly shell-shocked. The faced uncertainty and couldn’t understand the crucifixion. It’s similar to the fear and uncertainty that we might all be experiencing with COVID-19. We must not rely on our unaided human vision but on what we know from divine revelation.If we did not form solid attachments as children, it’s easy to feel forsaken in difficult times. Today, with the closing of our churches, we may feel abandoned. God tells us this week that His love will never leave us. We often distort and confuse things in our minds or rely on our feelings. It’s important to remember that our subjectivity isn’t the measure.From a neurological perspective, parts of our brain go offline when we experience trauma. As a result, we feel like both the past and future are collapsing into the present. Although that is a natural phenomenon, it has tremendous spiritual implications.God, as a good father, can’t gratify us all the time. He must frustrate us with events that are good for us, but we often don’t understand why these things happen in the moment.Action ItemsLook at the image of Mother Mary holding Jesus and the sheep, and put yourself in the position of the sheep when you are upset, worried or anxious. Imagine Mary taking care of you in those moments.Pray the Litany of Trust.

Overall TakeawaysAs the coronavirus crisis stretches into the Triduum this year, we have a unique opportunity to embrace suffering in union with our Lord. Just as everything was stripped away from Him; many things are being stripped away from us this year. It's time to embrace His suffering and unite ourselves with the Body of Christ.Key Verses from Sunday Mass Readings"Even as many were amazed at himso marred was his look beyond human semblanceand his appearance beyond that of the sons of manso shall he startle many nations,because of him kings shall stand speechless;for those who have not been told shall see,those who have not heard shall ponder it.""Son though he was, he learned obedience from what he suffered;and when he was made perfect,he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him.""Pilate said to them,'Take him yourselves and crucify him.I find no guilt in him.'"Where Catholicism Meets PsychologyRemember that our natural psychology will rebel against suffering. We were not made to suffer; suffering entered the world through original sin. We need the light of faith to illuminate the natural.Secular psychology doesn't help as much in a situation like COVID-19 because you don't have the theological virtue of hope; you only have optimism. That's not enough; you can't reason your way out of the suffering that's happening now.Christ illustrates the paradox during His passion. He is the King of Kings and the suffering servant at the same time. We are made in His image and likeness, yet suffering without our sacraments, Mass and easy access to our priests this Holy Week.Everything from a worldly standpoint failed around Jesus. The trial was a farce. His friends disappeared. The civil and religious systems collapsed for Him. COVID-19 is doing the same for us in 2020. It's stripping away everything from many, including jobs, security, health, and control. We have a unique opportunity to experience Good Friday in our bare humanity this year.Action Plan for the WeekRemember that Christ first experienced the paradox of being God and the suffering, disfigured servant at the same time. It's our turn now to embrace the current opportunity, in union with the Body of Christ, the Church, on a global scale.

Overall TakeawayThe uncertainty and disruption of the global pandemic reveals the areas where we need to be perfected and challenges us to make an intentional effort to connect with God.Key Verses from Sunday ReadingsThe Lord GOD has given mea well-trained tongue,that I might know how to speak to the wearyThe Lord GOD is my help,therefore I am not disgraced;I have set my face like flint,knowing that I shall not be put to shame.My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?Watch and pray that you may not undergo the test.The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.Where Catholicism Meets PsychologyThe current crisis can trigger unresolved adversity from our childhood and past. Dr. Gerry recalls the stress associated with his father’s job loss from his childhood that are now surfacing in the current pandemic.Individuals who have lived through other adversity can thrive in the current situation because they have already learned to be resourceful. You can apply that resourcefulness to more intentionally turning to God.When the whole world seems threatened with the virus, its economic fallout, and its unknown length and affect, we have no choice but to rely on God and His providence. It becomes a stark reminder for many of us who depend on our own efforts on a day-to-day basis.Most of us are like Peter. We have every intention of following our Lord, but it suddenly gets really hard when we face adversity to truly trust Him.Stresses like the current pandemic are going to reveal the areas we need to work on to be perfected. We need to work through our range of emotions, lament our brokenness, and surrender to God. Jesus expresses and works through His range of emotions during the Passion in His humanity.Action ItemBe determined to persevere. Grapple with our emotions during the crisis, express and accept them, and surrender to God. Try to make an empathetic connection with someone in your life who is struggling, perhaps an elderly relative or someone acutely affected by the pandemic, and be Christ to them.

Overall TakeawayThings that make us afraid or anxious now usually connect to a past perceived life-or-death event. We need to allow Jesus to bring life back into those fearful, numb, “dead” parts of ourselves.Key Verses from Sunday Readings“O my people, I will open your gravesand have you rise from them.”“If the Spirit of the one who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you,the one who raised Christ from the deadwill give life to your mortal bodies also,through his Spirit dwelling in you.”“When Jesus saw her weeping and the Jews who had come with her weeping,he became perturbed and deeply troubled, and said,‘Where have you laid him?’They said to him, ‘Sir, come and see.’And Jesus wept.So the Jews said, ‘See how he loved him.’”Where Catholicism Meets PsychologyDr. Peter reflects on his own fear about the current coronavirus crisis and financial fallout and connects it back to being hospitalized alone as a 10-year-old boy. As that child, he learned that fear was dangerous and anger gave him control and power.Although adaptive responses like anger and control can be useful in some situations, they are not helpful in all. Changing those automatic ways of responding requires insight and prayer.Many fearful and anxious moments, like people fighting over water or toilet paper, tap into a basic human fear of death and desire for survival.We all have parts of us that are numb, disconnected, despairing or even dead. Grappling with the causes and turning to our Lord can help us bring those parts back to life.We all ask, “Why?” Martha and Mary wondered, “Why didn’t Jesus come before Lazarus died?” We ask, “Why is the coronavirus happening? Why did I lose my job? Why did my loved one get sick? Why doesn’t God do something?” Just like Jesus loved Martha and Mary and wept with them, He is with us, understands our sorrows and struggles, and loves us through them.Action Item:God provided the Israelites with manna for the day. When you are fearful, anxious or stressed, stop and ask yourself, “Do I have what I need right now? Am I safe right now?” and then explore what you think you need that you don’t have. Take that to prayer.

Overall TakeawaysDr. Gerry shares his own journey as a survivor of child abuse, how it formed his own thoughts about himself, and how he eventually found light, love and healing through God as he and Dr. Peter explore this week’s readings. Key Verses from Sunday Mass Readings“Not as man sees does God see,Because man sees the appearanceBut the Lord looks into the heart.”“Even though I walk in the dark valleyI fear no evil for you are at my side.” “Awake, O sleeper,Arise from the dead,And Christ will give you light.” “‘Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents,That he was born blind?’Jesus answered,‘Neither he nor his parents sinned;It is so that the works of God might be made visible through him.” Where Catholicism Meets PsychologyAs a victim of abuse, Dr. Gerry shares that, as a child, he always believed he did something wrong to deserve the abuse, just as the Pharisees believed the blind man deserved his blindness due to sin.For children, it’s too overwhelming to believe your caregivers are abusive or neglectful. Instead, they need to believe they are bad because the perception is they have control. If they can become good enough, they won’t deserve the abuse or neglect anymore and it will stop.This coping response has significant consequences psychologically. It’s easy to believe you’re outside redemption, suffer from isolation and begin to despair.It’s hard to go to God when you feel like He’s abandoned you. It’s like a psychological auto-immune disorder: we tend to avoid what we need most.Jesus touches the blind man’s eyes and then tells him to wash and see. When we allow Jesus to touch us while also doing our part by getting help if needed, we become a soldier of light.With that healing can come the recognition that greater good can come from bad things that God allowed to happen. Action Plan for the Week* Do an act of kindness for your body this week. That might be taking a relaxing bath, having a massage, getting your nails done, or anything else that appeals to you personally. Recognize God’s love in that activity.* If you find it difficult to see God’s love in caring for your body, notice that and bring that to prayer or to a therapist to understand why.

Overall TakeawayWhen we are disappointed, it’s easy to lose hope in God. Take the time to reconnect with past pains, bring them to Jesus, and allow Him to give us hope again.Key Verses from Sunday Readings“In those days, in their thirst for water,the people grumbled against Moses,saying, ‘Why did you ever make us leave Egypt?Was it just to have us die here of thirstwith our children and our livestock?’” “And hope does not disappoint,because the love of God has been poured out into our heartsthrough the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” “Many of the Samaritans of that town began to believe in himbecause of the word of the woman who testified,‘He told me everything I have done.’When the Samaritans came to him,they invited him to stay with them;and he stayed there two days.”Where Catholicism Meets Psychology* Participated in a guided imagery exercise in this week’s show to identify an unresolved hurt or disappointment in your life.* When we face disappointment or lose a dream, we often immediately blame God as the Israelites did. Although God sometimes asks a lot of us, He never disappoints. His ways are not our ways; God sometimes doesn’t act in the way we want or see best.* We rely too much on our human perspective and assume we “know” that the cause of our disappointment is rooted somehow in God’s failure or cruelty. We tend to harden our hearts. As humans, we tend to block out those pains and disappointments and move on without dealing with them. We have a natural inclination to not bring those things to God.* Consider the Samaritan woman and her lost hopes. Jesus comes to her and gives her more than she ever could have hoped for: an encounter with the Messiah. Previously a shunned outcast in our village, she is the one to bring Jesus to others after allowing Jesus to come to her.Action ItemsParticipate in this week’s guided imagery exercise. Remember a past hurt or disappointment and visualize its color, form, shape, and details. Recognize that it exists and bring it to Jesus, Mary, Joseph or a favorite saint, or your guardian angel in prayer and tell them about it. Not because they don’t know, but because you don’t know. Ask for help in carrying it, for greater hope, and for the steps needed in healing.

Overall TakeawayIt’s often difficult to believe that God delights in us because, as fallen human beings, we fail to affirm and delight in one another.Key Verses from Sunday Readings“I will make of you a great nation,And I will bless you;I will make your name great,So that you will be a blessing.I will bless those who bless youAnd curse those who curse you.”“He saved us and called us to a holy life,Not according to our worksBut according to His own designAnd the grace bestowed on us in Christ Jesus before time began.”“While He was still speaking, behold,A bright cloud cast a shadow over them,Then from the cloud came a voice that said,‘This is my beloved Son, with who I am well pleased;Listen to Him.”Where Catholicism Meets PsychologyWe learn about God the Father through our earthly fathers or father-figures in our lives. If our own fathers were distant, absent or abusive, our understanding of God the Father is often erroneous.Parents need to delight in their children, not simply provide for their physical needs and tolerate them. They need to cherish and value children for who they are, not what they do.By blessing and affirming one another with kindness and gentleness, we can spread that blessing, which ultimately comes from God, to those around us.God is not interested in micromanaging us; if we work to seek His will for our lives, He will delight in us because we are made in His image and likeness. We have much room for creativity in how we do His will.Jesus, in His humanity, needed to hear His father say, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.” We, in our humanity, need to feel that God delights in us as His beloved son or daughter.Action ItemsUse an image that speaks to you about receiving God’s love. While you’re praying, imagine yourself as a child sitting on God’s lap, having your feet washed by Jesus, swaddled as a baby in St. Joseph’s arms, or any other picture that can help you experience God’s love in a human way.Bless or affirm someone this week, not for what they do, but for who they are.

Overall TakeawaysDr. Gerry: Our temptations reveal our true needs.Dr. Peter: Giving into temptation usually begins with doubting God’s ability to meet our needs.Key Verses from Sunday Readings“The serpent asked the woman,‘Did God really tell you not to eatfrom any of the trees in the garden?’”“God knows well that the moment you eat of ityour eyes will be opened and you will be like godswho know what is good and what is evil.The woman saw that the tree was good for food,pleasing to the eyes, and desirable for gaining wisdom.”“But the gift is not like the transgression.For if by the transgression of the one, the many died,how much more did the grace of Godand the gracious gift of the one man Jesus Christoverflow for the many.”“He fasted for forty days and forty nights,and afterwards he was hungry.The tempter approached and said to him,‘If you are the Son of God,command that these stones become loaves of bread.’”Where Catholicism Meets PsychologySatan is a real person and tempts us within a relationship. First, the devil tries to introduce doubt as he did with Eve, which attacks faith. Then, we begin to mistrust God, which means we lose hope. Finally, we commit sin that is against love. Behind every sin is often a true, good, legitimate need that is not being met. We turn to sin as a distorted way to meet a real need. Satan tempts us to do so.Jesus is a real person, and we see His humanity in his hunger. Satan tries the same tactic, tempting Jesus to use His power in distorted ways in order to satisfy His true and legitimate need for food.Unlike Adam and Eve, Jesus repudiates Satan and trusts that the Father will meet His needs. Angels were sent to minister to Him; Jesus gets everything Satan promises, but in the right way, through His Father.Catholics often think sin is only about vice, but psychologically, the sin is usually an outward manifestation of an inner pain. For example, young men who struggle with purity often find a greater temptation when they feel closer to God. Why? If they believe that relationship equals fusion, they falsely believe that getting close to God means they will be annihilated. The temptation, then, is a means to survival. Action ItemsDr. Peter: Ask in prayer, “In what parts of my life do I doubt God’s love?” Ask where you are hurting.Dr. Gerry: As you prepare for reconciliation during Lent, identify the real need that is behind each of your recurring sins. That need might be better self-care, connection with others, or the need to be seen. Then think of a way to meet that real need in a healthier way to avoid that sin.

Overall TakeawaysDr. Gerry: Choose God’s love over human judgment.Dr. Peter: How does my history with authority figures impact how I see God and the Church?Key Verses from Sunday Mass Readings“If you choose you can keep the commandments, they will save you;if you trust in God, you too shall live …No one does he command to act unjustly,to none does he give license to sin.”We speak a wisdom to those who are mature,not a wisdom of this age,nor of the rulers of this age who are passing away.Rather, we speak God’s wisdom, mysterious, hidden.”Where Catholicism Meets Psychology* Children learn about rules with a carrot-and-stick approach. They do good to receive rewards and to avoid punishment. God calls us to obey with a mature heart. We are called to obey from an act of love.* Human reason and rationalization will not get us there. It makes no human sense to love our enemies. Instead, we need God to teach us His wisdom to transcend human reason to love as He loves.* Our culture teaches us to take care of ourselves, which can often snowball into anxiety. It goes against human nature to trust Him completely. Ask God to help us be humble, childlike and trusting to receive His love.* Our experience with our human parents or others in authority affects whether we believe God is a good parent. If someone was abused by a church official, it’s difficult to separate the evil human act from the love of Christ.* We often would rather to be happy than holy. Jesus was not always happy. He was angry with the moneychangers in the temple, sad at the death of Lazarus, and anxious in the Garden of Gethsemane. However, he was always at peace.Action Items:Dr. Peter: Write down issues you have with authority. By writing them down, you may better be able to understand why you have trouble in your relationship with God.Dr. Gerry: Notice when you have a human judgment and what is your immediate reaction. Pause and just notice it. You can stop there, or you can further reflect on it. Try to move from human judgment to a spirit of love, stillness and recollection.

Overall TakeawaysDr. Peter: We despise in others what we don’t tolerate in ourselves.Dr. Gerry: Stop mislabeling yourself.Key Verses from Sunday Readings“Share your bread with the hungry,shelter the oppressed and the homeless;clothe the naked when you see them,and do not turn your back on your own.Then your light shall break forth like the dawn,and your wound shall quickly be healed”“His heart is steadfast; he shall not fear.Lavishly he gives to the poor;His justice shall endure forever;his horn shall be exalted in glory.”“Jesus said to his disciples:‘You are the salt of the earth ….You are the light of the world.’Nor do they light a lamp and then put it under a bushel basket;it is set on a lampstand,where it gives light to all in the house.”Where Catholicism Meets Psychology* Christ says clearly that if we do good deeds, our wounds will be healed. Sometimes reaching out to others helps us get outside of ourselves and does help heal wounds.* However, we have to remember to start with ourselves. We have to have our own house in order: making sure we are not hungry, naked and homeless from a psychological perspective. It’s hard to help others if we don’t trust that God will take care of us.* At the same time, we can’t be only attentive to ourselves and our relationship to God. Christ calls us to be that light to the world by our actions.* We often take one negative belief and generalize it for ourselves and others, which is unhealthy. Often we learn these negative messages early on and suffer from a malformed conscious.* Look for the perceived benefit in the negative belief. For example, if a parent calls a child an idiot and he calls himself an idiot, that may be the only way he can connect with the parent.* Christ is calling us out of our shame to be the light of the world.Action ItemsDr. Gerry: Notice the lie in mislabeling yourself this week. Remind yourself of the truth. Take one small action to demonstrate that truth.Dr. Peter: Ask God or Mary, “what’s getting in the way of my light shining?” It could be fear or failure to trust God.

Overall TakeawaysDr. Peter: Emotions are morally neutral, but what we do with emotions can be good or bad.Dr. Gerry: The path to holiness is through love.Key Verses from Sunday Readings"You shall not bear hatred for your brother or sister in your heart.Though you may have to reprove your fellow citizen,do not incur sin because of him.Take no revenge and cherish no grudge against any of your people.You shall love your neighbor as yourself.I am the LORD."“Brothers and sisters:Do you not know that you are the temple of God,and that the Spirit of God dwells in you?If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy that person;for the temple of God, which you are, is holy.”"You have heard that it was said,You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.But I say to you, love your enemiesand pray for those who persecute you.”Where Catholicism Meets PsychologyThe readings have a progression from internal to external. God wants us to avoid “bearing hatred in our heart” first before we take action to “love our enemies.”When we hold someone else’s faults, criticisms and negativity, we foster hatred in our own hearts. Getting caught up in online criticism of the world and the Church plays on our vanity.Practicing “holy indifference” allows us to be responsible for only our own actions and remain detached from others’ actions. It allows our identities to be free and recollected.Paying attention to our daydreams can help us diagnose our primary emotion. Do we relive situations looking for the perfect cutting comment? Do we plan out what we’ll do next time that coworker irritates us?When you make a self-sacrifice, consider whether you lose your identity or build up your identity to determine if you are being holy or being a doormat. You have to be able to say “no” in order to freely say “yes.”Action itemsDr. Peter: Think about which emotion dominates you, then try to practice first in your heart how you can love in that situation instead.Dr. Gerry: Pray for someone in politics or the Church whom you despise.

Overall TakeawaysDr. Gerry: Take risks, and do not live in fear.Dr. Peter: We don’t know the thoughts of our hearts.Key Verses from Sunday Readings“For he is like the refiner’s fire,or like the fuller’s lye.He will sit refining and purifying silver,and he will purify the sons of Levi,Refining them like gold or like silverthat they may offer due sacrifice to the LORD.”“Since the children share in blood and flesh,Jesus likewise shared in them,that through death he might destroy the onewho has the power of death, that is, the Devil,and free those who through fear of deathhad been subject to slavery all their life.”“Behold, this child is destinedfor the fall and rise of many in Israel,and to be a sign that will be contradicted--and you yourself a sword will pierce--so that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed.”Where Catholicism Meets Psychology* The heart is the seat of our emotions. We have so many things hidden in our hearts, in our unconscious, that would be helpful to us if they were revealed to us. Mary can help reveal those things to us.* God gives us Our Lady, the perfect mother, who loves us. She can help us not only spiritually but in emotional and psychological ways, and in ways that our earthly mothers could not.* Jesus becomes like us to save us. He’s in the trenches with us. He shares our blood and flesh to relate with us. He suffered and was tested so He can help us when we suffer and are tested.* Death has power to destroy us, but Christ came to destroy death. Often, we don’t really believe and so we live in fear of death and stay enslaved.* We may understand that Christ conquered death in our minds, but it may not reside in our heart. We need to take a risk, understand possible suffering will follow, and trust He will refine us through the process.* Dr. Gerry and Dr. Peter share how Souls and Hearts has done this for them personally.Action ItemsDr. Peter: Ask Mary in prayer, “What do I need to know about my own heart right now?” Keep your eyes and ears open for the answer. It may come in prayer, in a comment from someone else, or in your scripture reading.Dr. Gerry: Pick one risk you know you need to take, accept there may be discomfort or suffering, and trust God enough to take that risk. It can be small: talking to a new person, applying for a new job, or sharing something you believe in a conversation. Make trust in God greater than your fear.

Overall TakeawaysDr. Gerry: Letting go of control of others and of the outcome.Dr. Peter: To really love someone, really listen to them first. Key Verses from Sunday Mass Readings"Anguish has taken wing, dispelled is darkness:for there is no gloom where but now there was distress.The people who walked in darknesshave seen a great light.""For the yoke that burdened them,the pole on their shoulder,and the rod of their taskmasteryou have smashed, as on the day of Midian." "I urge you, brothers and sisters, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,that all of you agree in what you say,and that there be no divisions among you,but that you be united in the same mind and in the same purpose.""For it has been reported to me about you, my brothers and sisters,by Chloe’s people, that there are rivalries among you.I mean that each of you is saying,“I belong to Paul,” or “I belong to Apollos,”or “I belong to Cephas,” or “I belong to Christ.”Is Christ divided?" Where Catholicism Meets PsychologyGod is calling us to all Him to "smash" those things that lead us to darkness. For many of us, that means letting go of those little things that lead us to daily frustrations, that take away our peace. Dr. Gerry shares his personal frustration with people who are late. Remember that there's always some good or reason that's behind those things people do and say that frustrate you. Dr. Peter explores that a frustration with being late may be protecting you from embarrassment. Appreciate the good and purpose, but then make choices that allow you to stay recollected and try not to take it personally. God's call to unity is relevant in our extremely polarized world and Church today. Each faction has a good motive. Listening to those who don't share your perspective doesn't mean you're giving up ideals or truths. Instead, it is a means to understanding and loving them. Dr. Gerry and Dr. Peter share several examples this week. One explores the idea of God as mother. An individual who wants to see God as mother may be trying to equate God with good, but perhaps had a horrible earthly father. Someone arguing by citing scriptural references to God as father will be missing the deeper issue. Listening and loving doesn't mean agreeing with the other's beliefs. Action Plan for the WeekDr. Peter: Ask an open-ended question; one that can't be answered with one word. For example, "What was that like for you?" It shows that you're opened to listening. You'll be surprised at what you hear.Dr. Gerry: Choose one thing that's an emotional burden or something that's frustrating to you. It can be small like heavy traffic or being late. Choose to let it go, allow God to smash that burden, and accept the peace He's giving you instead.

Overall TakeawaysDr. Gerry: Our mental filter prevents us from allowing God to show His glory through us.Dr. Peter: We don’t know who we are because we don’t know who Jesus is.Key Verses from Sunday Mass Readings“The LORD said to me: You are my servant,Israel, through whom I show my glory.”“It is too little, the LORD says, for you to be my servant,to raise up the tribes of Jacob,and restore the survivors of Israel;I will make you a light to the nations.”“I did not know him,but the one who sent me to baptize with water told me,‘On whomever you see the Spirit come down and remain,he is the one who will baptize with the Holy Spirit.’Now I have seen and testified that he is the Son of God.”Where Catholicism Meets Psychology* If Jesus’ cousin, John the Baptist, says “I did not know Him,” do we really know Christ? If we don't know Jesus, then we can't really know ourselves. Not really understanding who we are is one of the four reasons people seek therapy.* In our society, our identities are often tied to our jobs, our roles, and what we produce, not that we’re made in the image of God.* If a woman’s identity is tied to being a mom and her kids grow up and leave, she may wonder who she is and what her purpose is now. If individuals retire from jobs that have defined them, they may not see a reason for their existence.* Tying our identity to what we do causes distress. Our true identity is developed in relationships with God and others.* We often have positive or negative mental filters that color everything about the Church, our families, or other aspects of our lives. We tend to pick one thing and dwell on it.* Jesus comes to “raise and restore.” How can we imitate Him? We need to put our security in Him, not in ourselves. We need to break our mental filters so we can see truth in ourselves and others.Action ItemsDr. Peter: Go into prayer, and ask Jesus, “Who are You? What do I not understand about You?”Dr. Gerry: Break a mental filter about your family or the Church, and affirm the goodness and beauty in them instead.

Overall TakeawaysDr. Gerry: We have to receive in order to give.Dr. Peter: What we judge most harshly in others is often what we hate about ourselves.Key Verses from Sunday Mass Readings“Here is my servant whom I uphold,my chosen one with whom I am pleased,upon whom I have put my spirit;he shall bring forth justice to the nations,not crying out, not shouting,not making his voice heard in the street.a bruised reed he shall not break,and a smoldering wick he shall not quench.”“In truth, I see that God shows no partiality.Rather, in every nation whoever fears him and acts uprightlyis acceptable to him.”“And a voice came from the heavens, saying,‘This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.’”Where Catholicism Meets PsychologyWhen the prophet speaks of a “bruised reed” in this week’s first reading, he’s talking about us. Often, we may feel discarded if we are not “useful” as a bruised reed is no longer useful. However, Jesus comes to us in gentleness, welcoming us in our brokenness.Sometimes we reject ourselves, or reject others, because of imperfections. Jesus’ message is counter to that human tendency. He seeks the wounded.When we see something we don’t like in someone else, it’s often really something we hate in ourselves. Dr. Peter shares a personal example of hating weakness because of a wrong belief that he had to do everything himself. He recognized is as a survival instinct but also accepted his dependence on God.Jesus shows us the way through His baptism. God says, “you are my beloved Son,” before Jesus ever does anything in his public ministry. God loves Jesus for Who He is, not what He does.God puts His spirit in us. We have to be prepared to receive it first before we can give.Action Plan for the WeekDr. Peter: Look at who you judge and what you judge them for. Write down what you don’t like. See if you can embrace that in yourself and recognize some good it has brought you.Dr. Gerry: Affirm someone today. Tell them a truth about who they are, not what they’ve done. Notice how they respond.

Overall TakeawaysDr. Gerry: You can celebrate and choose to be grateful.Dr. Peter: Where are we are seeing Jesus? More importantly, where are we not seeing Jesus? Key Verses from Sunday Mass Readings“It was not made known to people in other generationsas it has now been revealedto his holy apostles and prophets by the Spirit:that the Gentiles are coheirs, members of the same body,and copartners in the promise in Christ Jesus through the gospel.”“Lord, every nation on earth will adore you.”“Where is the newborn king of the Jews?We saw his star at its risingand have come to do him homage.”“They were overjoyed at seeing the star,and on entering the housethey saw the child with Mary his mother.They prostrated themselves and did him homage." Where Catholicism Meets PsychologyRecognize that God calls the whole world to Him through this feast.The Magi who were not Jewish saw the star and went looking for Jesus. How many other people were nearby and failed to see the same star? Why do some people see while others do not, even when they look at the same situation?God gives us things to see every day. Do we see the star? Do we recognize Him?Many things blind us. We all have prejudices that keep us from seeing Jesus and recognizing the gifts He sends us.During the holidays, we can be blinded by all the details. Although it’s sometimes hard to feel joy, we can choose to be grateful.It’s important to look back and be thankful for 2019 and acknowledge mistakes, and then look forward to see what we can do better and where we can get support. Action ItemDr. Peter: Look at Our Lord in prayer. Ask the question, “Where am I not seeing you, Jesus?” Listen for the answer. If you don’t hear right away, keep asking in prayer or ask your confessor.Dr. Gerry: Thank one person for simply being in your life.

Overall TakeawaysDr. Gerry: You can make a positive change in your family system.Dr. Peter: Take a step-by-step approach to living out the virtues. Key Verses from Sunday Mass Readings“God sets a father in honor over his children;a mother's authority he confirms over her sons.Whoever honors his father atones for sins,and preserves himself from them.”“Put on, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved,heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.”“Wives, be subordinate to your husbands,as is proper in the Lord.Husbands, love your wives,and avoid any bitterness toward them.”“Rise, take the child and his mother and go to the land of Israel,for those who sought the child's life are dead.He rose, took the child and his mother,and went to the land of Israel.”Where Catholicism Meets PsychologyGod calls us to the Holy Family’s level of perfection but doesn’t discount how difficult that might be within broken family systems.Subordination of wives to husbands is often a difficult verse within traditional Catholic marriages. Although final authority is needed, husbands are also called to love their wives as Christ loves His ChurchA husband must not simply excise his desires and authority but put his wife’s interests above his own as Joseph protects Mary and Jesus. Mary is joyfully obedient because she knows Joseph loves her and is looking out for her and Baby Jesus first.We need to proactively make changes within our family systems to move toward the perfection and virtues God wants for us. Action ItemPick on virtue from the second reading and do one proactive thing daily to live that virtue. Don’t simply react to the events of the day. Then, watch to see the ripple effect in your family system.Schedule and prioritize 20 minutes every day to sit and talk with your spouse. Consider doing “snippets” with children. Set aside 5-10 minutes for each child daily to give them your full attention in a game, story or conversation.

Overall TakeawaysDr. Gerry: We need to let go of self-sufficiency to experience belonging and receive God’s help.Dr. Peter: We need to identify the obstacles that keep us from being psychological ready to obey God.Key Verses from Sunday Mass Readings“The LORD spoke to Ahaz, saying:Ask for a sign from the LORD, your God;let it be deep as the netherworld, or high as the sky!But Ahaz answered,"I will not ask! I will not tempt the LORD!"”“Through him we have received the grace of apostleship,to bring about the obedience of faith,for the sake of his name, among all the Gentiles,among whom are you also, who are called to belong to Jesus Christ;to all the beloved of God in Rome, called to be holy.”“When Joseph awoke,he did as the angel of the Lord had commanded him.”Where Catholicism Meets Psychology We are called to belong to Jesus Christ, but we often rely on ourselves and the world to do it alone.An inordinate level of self-sufficiency leads to isolation from God and others.God speaks directly to both Ahaz and Joseph this week. Ahaz puts his trust in the Assyrians, not in God. In contrast, Joseph obeys immediately.Why? Joseph was psychologically and spiritually ready when God called him.Look at all the Christmas decorations and see them as signs of Our Lord’s coming.Action Items:Recognize the negative effects of self-sufficiency.Open yourself to God and others in the spirit of hope.See the signs of Jesus’ coming in all the Christmas decorations and activities.Go in front of the Blessed Sacrament and ask: “What is getting in the way of me being psychological ready to obey you, Lord?” Don’t figure it out on your own. Listen for that answer; it might come right away or later. Be open to that answer.

Overall TakeawaysDr. Gerry: We store trauma and wounds in our bodies, and Christ brings healing during Advent.Dr. Peter: We need to identify our psychological blindness, know ourselves better, and then work to change.Key Verses from Sunday Mass Readings“Strengthen the hands that are feeble,make firm the knees that are weak,say to those whose hearts are frightened:Be strong, fear not!”“Then will the eyes of the blind be opened,the ears of the deaf be cleared;then will the lame leap like a stag,then the tongue of the mute will sing.”“Make your hearts firm,because the coming of the Lord is at hand.”“Amen, I say to you,among those born of womenthere has been none greater than John the Baptist;yet the least in the kingdom of heaven is greater than he."Where Catholicism Meets PsychologyRealize we all have blind spots and that it’s human to hide from ourselves and not want to see them. These blind spots are consequences of the Fall and original sin.Be humble and ask others to tell you what you’re not seeing. The most important thing is to seek. Asking loved ones to help you may allow God to work through them to answer you.We cannot overcome psychological lameness by sheer force of the will. We need to prepare ourselves and achieve better readiness.Understand the “order of operations” in dealing with good and bad emotions. First, attend to body; then to the emotions. This will eventually reveal cognitions.Use your body, breathing and prayer to reduce unwarranted fear and anxiety.Action ItemAsk a loved one to help you find your blind spots. Ask the person to pray and reflect about what you’re not seeing or hearing in your life. Work to tolerate that vulnerability, and be open to how God might be talking to you through this individual.When you experience good and bad feelings this week, focus on where you feel that emotion in your body. Make a note of those physical feelings to help you gain body awareness.

Overall TakeawaysDr. Gerry: Empathy includes listening before reacting.Dr. Peter: Sin is whatever harms relationships.Key Verses from Sunday Mass Readings“Then the wolf shall be a guest of the lamb,and the leopard shall lie down with the kid …The baby shall play by the cobra's den,and the child lay his hand on the adder's lair.”“May the God of endurance and encouragementgrant you to think in harmony with one another.”“When he saw many of the Pharisees and Sadduceescoming to his baptism, he said to them, "You brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the coming wrath?Produce good fruit as evidence of your repentance.”Where Catholicism Meets PsychologyExisting family systems are often hostile and resemble the natural discourse between predator and prey. God’s vision and hope is peace and harmony. How do we get there?We also have this conflict between parts within ourselves, the part that cuts us down or the small part that’s afraid.Five steps to developing mutual empathy: anticipate the other’s feelings, be open to influence, be curious, experience vulnerability, and abandon trying to have power over the another.John the Baptist’s harsh warning is an expression of love for the Pharisees.Sin is not just about breaking the rules but about severing relationships.Action ItemTake your list of attachments from last week and write down how they negatively affect relationships.Pick an important relationship and practice the five steps to mutual empathy.Write down the successes you’ve achieved.

Overall TakeawaysDr. Gerry: People who believe they can change will change.Dr. Peter: Let go of those bright, shiny objects in your life.Key Verses from Sunday Mass Readings“Come, let us climb the LORD's mountain,to the house of the God of Jacob,that he may instruct us in his ways.”“It is the hour now for you to awake from sleep ....Let us then throw off the works of darknessand put on the armor of light.”“Therefore, stay awake!”Where Catholicism Meets Psychology Readings call us to grow closer to God this Advent.Part of God’s instruction is a better understanding of the human person.We need to let go of our psychological baggage before we can climb the mountain.Action ItemsPray and reflect about your attachments.Write down what weighs you down and keeps you from climbing God’s mountain.Do a cost/benefit analysis. What will happen if I change? What will happen if I don’t change?Think about what your attachment represents and what need it fulfills.Select a healthier, holier way to fulfill that need.