22. QUICK RESET: Why self-care feels like another f*cking task
ADHD Mums · Jane McFadden
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Show Notes
If someone tells you to take a bubble bath one more time, you might scream.
This Quick Reset is a no-filter, nervous-system-level rant for every ADHD mum who’s been told that a massage will fix her burnout. Jane unpacks why the whole self-care industry is fundamentally mismatched to neurodivergent mums — and how pretending we feel better after one ‘treat’ just leads to more shame, not recovery.
From sensory overload and executive dysfunction to the rage of being handed a “Mother’s Day spa voucher” after 364 days of unpaid emotional labour, this episode calls out the delusion of performance rest — and offers honest alternatives that might actually increase your capacity to survive.
✨ IN THIS RESET:
- Why typical self-care advice feels like a slap in the face
- How ADHD brains struggle to “relax on command”
- The truth behind fake rest, survival mode, and executive dysfunction
- What to do when even the bath feels too hard
- How to find five-minute moments that actually help (without a full routine)
- A very real story about walking 50 metres to put the bins out — slowly
💭 This episode is for you if:
– You’re drowning in responsibility and someone suggests yoga
– You’ve tried rest but felt more resentful than rested
– You want to stop surviving a system that breaks you, blames you, and offers a bubble bath as compensation
References
- 📚Brown, T. E. (2013). A New Understanding of ADHD in Children and Adults: Executive Function Impairments. Routledge.
- 📚 *Price, D. (2021). Laziness Does Not Exist. Atria Books.
- 📚 Barkley, R. A. (2012). Executive Functions: What They Are, How They Work, and Why They Evolved. Guilford Press.
Other Quick Reset Episodes:
- S3E8 Advocating for Your Child Shouldn’t Break You — But It Often Does: Spotify | Apple Podcast
- S3E10 Why am I bracing for impact when nothing is wrong?: Spotify | Apple Podcast
- S3E12 I can’t stop snapping when my child does this one thing: Spotify | Apple Podcast
- S3E14 I Cancel Plans Because I Don’t Have the Energy to Fake My Personality: Spotify | Apple Podcast
- S3E15 He wants the Maldives but we can't even manage the park: Spotify | Apple Podcast
- S3E16 No meds, No plan, and no help..... but yet they're still calling us undiagnosed: Spotify | Apple Podcast
- S3E17 How we survive the 3- 6:00 PM shit show when kids are coming down off meds: Spotify | Apple Podcast
- S3E18 Why you are bad at asking for help and what to do instead: Spotify | Apple Podcast
🔁 SHARE THIS RESET:
If this one hit hard, send it to a mum friend who’s also stuck in survival mode. Let her know: she’s not broken, she’s bracing.
Read the blog version of this episode: https://adhdmums.com.au/quick-reset-why-self-care-feels-like-another-fcking-task/
TOPICS COVERED IN THIS EPISODE:
ADHD mums, performance parenting, fake rest, executive dysfunction, parenting burnout, self-care shame, chronic dysregulation, ADHD and motherhood, cortisol overload, trauma-informed parenting, invisible load, overfunctioning, resentment cycle, Mother's Day rage, self-care myths, rest as survival, emotional labour, ADHD sensory processing, real recovery, neurodivergent rest.
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