Addicted to Recovery

This episode of Addicted to Recovery focuses on a major milestone, as Max celebrates seven years of sobriety. The conversation reflects on how life has changed since active addiction, highlighting the contrast between past behaviors and the present sense of freedom, gratitude, and connection. The hosts begin by discussing a recent stag weekend, showing that it’s possible to fully enjoy social events without alcohol or drugs. Despite late nights and high-energy environments, they describe feeling genuinely present, free, and even euphoric while sober. This stands in stark contrast to their past, where substance use often led to insecurity, paranoia, and a lack of real enjoyment. A key theme throughout the episode is the idea of an internal “void.” During addiction, both hosts tried to fill this emptiness with material success, money, and status, believing these things would bring lasting happiness. However, they explain that the more they chased these external rewards, the more empty they felt. Even in wealthy, image-driven environments, feelings of comparison and inadequacy can still surface, reinforcing the idea that external validation doesn’t solve internal struggles. Instead, recovery has taught them that true fulfillment comes from connection. Building relationships, being honest about struggles, helping others, and engaging in recovery communities have become essential tools. These practices replace substances as coping mechanisms and provide a deeper, more sustainable sense of purpose and wellbeing. The episode also explores how recovery has transformed their relationships, particularly with family. Where addiction once caused distance, selfishness, and instability, sobriety has allowed them to be present, caring, and emotionally available. Both hosts reflect on how close they came to losing their families, and how that fear became a turning point that pushed them to fully commit to change. Ultimately, the episode emphasizes that real freedom doesn’t come from substances, money, or status, but from living authentically and being connected to others. Max describes feeling “rich inside,” highlighting a shift from external success to internal peace and gratitude. The conversation reinforces that recovery is not just about stopping harmful behaviors, but about building a meaningful and fulfilling life.

In this episode of Addicted to Recovery, we sit down with Martin, who shares an honest and powerful account of his journey through addiction, relapse, and long-term recovery.Growing up in a loving home, Martin always felt like he didn’t quite belong. That underlying feeling followed him into his teenage years, where alcohol quickly became the solution — giving him confidence, connection, and a sense of ease he’d never experienced before. From there, things escalated. What started as partying turned into years of drug and alcohol use, eventually becoming a daily necessity.Despite building a successful career in the city and maintaining the appearance of a normal life, addiction was always at the centre of everything. Behind the scenes, Martin was living a double life — lying, hiding, and constantly chasing the next escape.It wasn’t until his mid-40s, when the consequences began to catch up with him, that things started to unravel. Relationships broke down, work suffered, and he found himself back at square one — forced to confront the reality of his situation.Martin talks openly about hitting rock bottom, returning to recovery, and what finally changed this time around. From daily routines like prayer and meditation to the importance of consistency, connection, and humility, he shares what it really takes to stay sober long term.This conversation dives deep into the mindset of addiction — the self-centred thinking, the denial, and the illusion of control — as well as the growth that comes with recovery.Today, Martin is nearly seven years clean. He’s rebuilt relationships with his family, found peace in his daily life, and now helps others on their own journey through sponsorship and service.This episode is a reminder that no matter how far things go, change is always possible — but it requires honesty, willingness, and action.

In this episode of Addicted to Recovery, hosts Christopher White and Max Thomas speak with their friend Dev about his personal journey through addiction, relapse, and recovery.Early LifeDev describes growing up in a loving and stable home in Watford with both parents and a younger brother. Despite having a supportive upbringing and no major trauma, he often felt uncomfortable in his own skin and struggled with low self-esteem. From a young age he craved approval and wanted to be liked, particularly by his father. Looking back, Dev recognises that addictive patterns were present long before he ever used drugs. As a child he displayed obsessive behaviours such as overeating and compulsively collecting items like Pokémon cards and football stickers. These behaviours were ways of coping with uncomfortable feelings. First Experiences With DrugsDev first used cannabis in secondary school. Although he initially disliked the feeling, he continued using because it helped him fit in socially. Being part of a group that used drugs gave him a sense of belonging and attention he had always sought.Over time his drug use expanded to alcohol, ecstasy and cocaine. Selling drugs at school gave him a sense of power and popularity, which reinforced his lifestyle and pushed him deeper into addiction. Consequences of AddictionAs Dev’s addiction progressed, the consequences became severe. He experienced multiple prison sentences, legal trouble, job loss, and broken relationships. At one point he overdosed after taking MDMA at a rave and woke up in hospital days later with no memory of the event.Even after these frightening experiences, he continued using, showing how powerful addiction can be. Fatherhood and the Desire to ChangeWhen Dev’s daughter was born, he experienced a powerful emotional shift. Holding her for the first time made him determined to become a better father and stop using drugs.However, despite his genuine desire to change, he discovered that willpower alone was not enough. Without understanding addiction or having support, he quickly fell back into old patterns. Recovery and TreatmentDev eventually entered treatment at the Lighthouse recovery centre, where he began to understand addiction for the first time. Hearing others share similar experiences helped him realise he was not alone.He started attending Narcotics Anonymous meetings and became part of a recovery community. While he experienced periods of sobriety, his journey included setbacks, dishonesty, and relapse before he began to fully engage with the recovery process. Finding FaithAfter achieving three and a half years clean, Dev relapsed and lost many of the things he had built in his life. Returning to recovery was difficult, and he struggled emotionally.During this time he began attending church and exploring faith. In October he committed his life to Christianity and was later baptised in December. He describes this spiritual awakening as a major turning point in his recovery, helping him find inner peace and purpose. Life TodayToday Dev has eight and a half months clean and lives a calmer, more balanced life. He maintains a strong relationship with his daughter and works in supported housing helping men in recovery.He emphasises that recovery requires honesty, service to others, community support, and a spiritual foundation.Key MessageDev’s story demonstrates that addiction can affect anyone, regardless of background, and that recovery often involves setbacks before lasting change occurs. Through community, faith, and helping others, he has built a new life grounded in purpose and compassion.

In this episode of Addicted to Recovery, the hosts speak with Tony, who shares his powerful life story of addiction, trauma, and ultimately recovery.Tony grew up on a council estate in East London, raised by hardworking parents alongside his brother and sister. When Tony was young, his sister was tragically run over and lost her leg, an event that deeply impacted the family. Although the trauma was never openly discussed, Tony believes it contributed to his father becoming a heavy drinker and created an emotionally difficult home environment. tonyAs a child, Tony found escape and confidence through football, where he excelled and even attracted interest from professional clubs like Arsenal and West Ham. On the pitch he felt confident and valued, but off the pitch he struggled with insecurity and fear, particularly within the challenging environment of the council estate. tonyTony began experimenting with substances at a young age. What started with cigarettes and cannabis gradually escalated into more serious drug use as he searched for relief from feelings of inadequacy and anxiety. Eventually, he discovered heroin, which he describes as providing the first true sense of internal peace and comfort he had ever experienced. tonyHowever, this relief quickly turned into a decades-long addiction. Tony spent nearly 30 years using Class A drugs, trapped in a cycle of crime, desperation, and daily survival. His addiction caused immense pain to his family, including witnessing the death of his brother at 26, which still wasn’t enough to stop his own addiction at the time. tonyEventually, after years of despair and failed attempts to quit, Tony reached a point where he internally knew he needed help. Through the criminal justice system, he entered a 12-step rehabilitation program, where he finally found hope. Seeing counselors and other recovering addicts who had transformed their lives inspired him to believe recovery was possible. tonyTony embraced treatment, completed rehab, and began working the 12-step recovery program. Through this process he developed self-awareness, confronted past trauma, and rebuilt his life.Today Tony has been clean for over 11 years and now uses his experience to help others struggling with addiction. His story highlights how unresolved trauma, emotional pain, and the search for belonging can lead people into addiction — but also how connection, honesty, and recovery communities can help people rebuild their lives.

DJ Ross Mack joins Addicted to Recovery to share his powerful journey from the heights of the nightlife industry to the depths of addiction — and back again.From DJing major clubs like Opium Lounge, The Warehouse, Funky Buddha and playing internationally, Ross lived the fast-paced lifestyle of music, money, women and substances. Behind the decks he looked in control — but behind closed doors his addiction was spiralling into isolation, paranoia and darkness.In this episode, Ross opens up about:Growing up in Hertfordshire and feeling different from an early ageBeing introduced to club culture at 16The progression from weekend partying to dark, isolated bingesThe mental obsession and “phenomenon of craving” before the first lineWhy willpower wasn’t enough — even after running marathons and triathlonsGetting sober at 34 and finding freedom through 12-step recoveryStaying clean in an industry where drinking and drugs are normalisedBecoming reliable, consistent and successful in business without substancesFatherhood, perspective and life with twin daughtersRoss speaks honestly about paranoia, using alone in hotel rooms, chasing the illusion of the “champagne lifestyle,” and how addiction is far more powerful than love or ambition.This episode is raw, relatable and hopeful — especially for anyone who believes they can’t get sober in the party scene.🎧 If you’re struggling, know that recovery is possible. 🎙 Subscribe for weekly conversations about addiction, recovery and rebuilding your life.

In this powerful episode of Addicted to Recovery, the hosts welcome Amber, who shares her deeply honest journey through addiction, relapse, mental health struggles, and ultimately finding lasting recovery. AmberAmber opens up about growing up feeling different and self-conscious, discovering alcohol at a young age, and later developing a dependence on cocaine that quickly escalated from social use into a destructive cycle. She discusses how ADHD, untreated trauma, and the search to feel “normal” fueled her addiction — and how becoming a mother added both love and pressure during her darkest moments. AmberAfter hitting emotional rock bottom and seeking help through A&E, Amber entered mental health treatment but struggled because the root issue — addiction — wasn’t fully addressed. Relapses followed, teaching her painful lessons about the difference between simply being abstinent and truly working a recovery program. AmberEverything changed when she fully committed to meetings, sponsorship, service, and the 12-step process. Through honesty, structure, and community, Amber rebuilt her life — repairing relationships with her daughter, developing confidence, and discovering new ambitions like drama school. Now one year clean, she shares how recovery has given her peace, purpose, and the ability to show up consistently for life. AmberThis episode explores:The link between ADHD, mental health, and addictionWhy relapse can be part of the journeyThe power of service, fellowship, and connectionMedication in recovery and navigating grey areasHow recovery transforms parenting, confidence, and daily lifeA heartfelt conversation about hope, resilience, and what’s possible when someone truly puts “two feet” into recovery.

This episode of Addicted to Recovery features Harry, who shares his personal journey through addiction, recovery, and fatherhood. He reflects on growing up in West London, navigating family challenges, and being diagnosed with ADHD at a young age. Despite a childhood filled with love, the absence of a consistent male role model and exposure to a tough “lad culture” shaped his identity and influenced early drinking and drug use. Football became both an outlet and an entry point into environments where alcohol and substances were normalised. As Harry entered adulthood, his substance use escalated from social drinking to daily reliance on alcohol and cocaine. He describes maintaining work and responsibilities for a time, but eventually falling into patterns of secrecy, financial strain, paranoia, and emotional instability. The pressure of moving house, building a family, and trying to live up to expectations intensified his addiction. Even becoming a father — which he hoped would change everything — wasn’t enough to stop the cycle, and feelings of guilt and shame continued to grow.The turning point came when Harry reached a severe mental health crisis, feeling overwhelmed and suicidal. He recalls moments of deep despair, including walking alone in a forest and later confronting himself in a mirror, which sparked a powerful realisation that he needed help. This moment led him to attend recovery meetings, where he began the process of rebuilding his life. Through recovery, he learned that sobriety wasn’t just about quitting substances, but about changing his mindset, letting go of ego, and learning healthier ways to connect with others.Since getting clean, Harry explains how his priorities have shifted towards reliability, honesty, and family life. He talks about becoming a more present partner and father, embracing emotional openness, and redefining what masculinity means to him. Motivated by his own growth, he started a men’s mental-health group called “The Man Cave,” offering a supportive space where men can talk openly about struggles such as anxiety, relationships, work pressures, and identity — not just addiction.Overall, the episode highlights themes of vulnerability, accountability, and transformation. Harry’s story emphasises that recovery is an ongoing journey of personal change, where learning to drop the mask and ask for help becomes the foundation for a more authentic and meaningful life.

In this episode, Christopher White and Max Thomas speak directly to the newcomer — the person who’s struggling, confused, overwhelmed, or quietly asking for help. Drawing from their own lived experience, they break down what addiction actually feels like, why extreme emotions are common in early recovery, and why no feeling — good or bad — lasts forever.The conversation moves through mental health, physical wellbeing, gratitude, forgiveness, and the power of human connection. Chris and Max also talk openly about meetings, sponsorship, and 12-step recovery, explaining why simply walking through the door can be one of the bravest decisions a person ever makes.This episode isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about hope, honesty, and reminding anyone listening that you don’t have to be clean, confident, or certain — you just have to show up.If you’re new to recovery, thinking about getting help, or supporting someone who is, this episode is for you.

In this episode of Addicted to Recovery, the hosts sit down with Mike, a Patreon supporter and recovering addict, for a raw and deeply personal conversation about addiction, identity, mental health, and what it really means to rebuild a life from the ground up. Mike shares how, despite growing up in a loving and financially stable home, he struggled internally from a young age with bullying, low self-worth, and a constant feeling of not fitting in. As an adult, he was diagnosed with autism, which helped him understand years of masking, people-pleasing, and difficulty regulating emotions — all of which fed into his addiction. Mike I got clean on the screenMike’s substance use began socially with alcohol and escalated when cocaine entered the picture during nights out and London work culture. What started as confidence and connection gradually became compulsion, secrecy, and isolation. He describes the shift from “fun” to needing drugs just to feel normal, using alone, lying about money, and living a double life that eventually led to the breakdown of his marriage. At his lowest point, overwhelmed by shame and consequences, Mike believed suicide was his only way out — a crisis that ultimately forced him to admit the truth and ask for help. Mike I got clean on the screenHe entered recovery during COVID through Zoom meetings, throwing himself into the program with willingness, service, and connection. But his journey wasn’t linear. Mike speaks openly about multiple relapses, including one he hid for two years while continuing to claim clean time. The emotional weight of that dishonesty led to anger, relationship damage, and mental instability. When the truth finally came out, he reset his clean date and describes the relief of honesty as a turning point in his recovery. Mike I got clean on the screenThe episode also explores Mike’s mental health struggles. After a suicide attempt involving medication, he was hospitalized and later diagnosed with Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (EUPD) alongside autism. With treatment, medication, and a deeper understanding of his emotional patterns, he now recognizes how mental health and addiction intertwine — and how recovery requires addressing both. Mike I got clean on the screenNow one year into an honest stretch of recovery, Mike explains what’s different this time: in-person meetings, active step work, full transparency with his sponsor, a small but strong support network, and a willingness to prioritize healing over relationships and comfort. He talks about finding joy in ordinary life — home, routine, connection, and helping newcomers — rather than chaos and nightlife. Recovery, for him, feels like being “born again,” not in a religious sense, but as a complete reset and chance to live with integrity instead of performance. Mike I got clean on the screenThis episode is a powerful reminder that addiction is about far more than substances. It’s about identity, shame, mental health, and the courage to tell the truth. Mike’s story shows that relapse doesn’t have to be the end — but secrets will keep people stuck. With honesty, community, and willingness, change is possible.

In this powerful episode, Chris and Max sit down with their friend Dean, who shares an unfiltered look at addiction, recovery, and the emotional struggles that don’t magically disappear with sobriety. Nearly nine years clean, Dean explains how his addiction didn’t vanish — it shifted. His intense dedication to the gym and his physique became a new outlet, a kind of “armor,” masking deep self-hatred, body image issues, and a lifelong discomfort in his own skin. Despite looking disciplined and put-together on the outside, he reveals he has never truly liked himself and still feels lost internally.Dean traces these feelings back to childhood, describing a loving but emotionally limited upbringing where he constantly sought validation, especially from his father. That need to be liked and approved of carried into adulthood and fed into his cocaine use, which he says calmed his mind, made him feel normal, and gave him a sense of belonging. What started as social use turned into a 20-year addiction marked by functioning on the outside while feeling powerless within. A defining trauma came when Dean found his father after he died by suicide at a job they were working on together — an event that still haunts him and intensified his using, alongside deep guilt about not being present for his family during that time.After losing his business, stability, and sense of self, Dean reached breaking point and was taken to his first meeting through an intervention. Though frightened and disconnected at first, he has remained clean ever since, something he is proud of. But he’s clear that recovery hasn’t been a fairytale: he still battles self-obsession, emotional overwhelm, relationship pain, and the lasting impact his addiction had on his children, especially his eldest son who once saw him as a hero. He admits he’s less connected to meetings and fellowship than he once was and feels the difference, warning others not to follow his example of only “dipping a toe in.” The episode is a raw reminder that being clean and being emotionally well aren’t the same — and that honesty, connection, and helping others remain vital parts of the ongoing work of recovery.

In this powerful and deeply honest episode of Addicted to Recovery, hosts Christopher White and Max Thomas are joined by their close friend Nick, who shares his raw, unfiltered journey through addiction, mental health struggles, and recovery.Nick opens up about living with relentless anxiety, low self-worth, and an overwhelming internal dialogue that shaped his life from childhood. Despite appearing confident on the outside, he describes years of people-pleasing, overthinking, and emotional exhaustion that ultimately fuelled his substance use. What began with alcohol as a way to “feel normal” gradually escalated into a destructive cycle involving drugs, work obsession, and deteriorating mental health.The conversation traces Nick’s life from a chaotic childhood and early escape into the high-pressure world of professional kitchens, through the culture of long hours, perfectionism, and substance use that often accompanies the hospitality industry. Although outwardly successful, Nick explains how his addiction and untreated mental health issues led to breakdowns, damaged relationships, and profound shame.A major turning point comes when Nick speaks candidly about being sectioned, diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and finally confronting the reality that substances were never the solution—but a way of coping with pain he didn’t yet understand. With honesty and humility, he reflects on the impact his illness had on his family, particularly his ex-wife and children, and the process of taking responsibility without drowning in self-blame.The episode also explores themes of recovery, accountability, compassion, and growth. Nick shares how finding recovery later in life helped him gain clarity, self-awareness, and a sense of peace he never thought possible. Through humour, vulnerability, and shared understanding, the hosts and Nick highlight an essential truth: recovery isn’t about perfection—it’s about learning to live, feel, and show up honestly.This episode is a moving reminder that behind addiction is often unaddressed pain, and that healing is possible at any stage of life.

In this powerful and deeply honest episode of Addicted to Recovery, hosts Christopher White and Max Thomas explore one of the most confronting questions in recovery: “Am I an addict?” Drawing from personal experience, lived recovery, and official fellowship literature, they walk listeners through the Am I an Addict? questionnaire—a tool designed to help individuals reflect honestly on their relationship with drugs, alcohol, and behaviour.Rather than focusing solely on substances, the episode highlights addiction as a disease of thinking, feeling, and living, showing how it affects every area of life: relationships, finances, mental health, self-worth, and identity. Christopher and Max openly compare their very different patterns of use—daily use versus binge use—to demonstrate that how often or how much someone uses is far less important than the loss of control and the consequences.Throughout the episode, they share raw stories of secrecy, shame, manipulation, broken trust, physical and emotional exhaustion, and the relentless mental obsession that fuels addiction. They also challenge common misconceptions, such as “I wasn’t that bad” or “I can handle it on my own,” and explain the crucial difference between having a drug problem and being an addict.Importantly, the episode isn’t about labelling or diagnosing—it’s about self-honesty. The hosts stress that no one else can decide if you’re an addict; only you can. If the questions provoke discomfort, emotion, or recognition, that reaction itself may be meaningful.The episode closes with a message of hope: recovery is possible, help is available, and life on the other side of addiction is calmer, freer, and more authentic. Whether you’re questioning your own use, worried about someone you love, or already on a recovery journey, Am I an Addict? offers insight, compassion, and a powerful starting point for change.

In this powerful and deeply honest episode of Addicted to Recovery, hosts Christopher White and Max Thomas explore one of the most challenging and universal themes in recovery: self-obsession.Using real-life examples from their own relationships, parenting, road rage, social anxiety, and everyday interactions, Chris and Max unpack how self-obsession quietly drives emotional pain, conflict, and addictive thinking. The conversation is grounded in recovery literature, particularly the concept of The Triangle of Self Obsession—made up of resentment (the past), anger (the present), and fear (the future).The episode highlights how addiction can arrest emotional growth, leaving many addicts stuck in a childlike state where validation, control, and external approval are desperately sought. Chris reads and reflects on recovery literature that explains how most people naturally mature out of this phase, while addicts often medicate discomfort instead—delaying emotional maturity and reinforcing self-centered thinking.Throughout the episode, the hosts show how self-obsession plays out subtly: overthinking text messages, craving approval from strangers, feeling under-appreciated, reacting defensively, or assuming everything is a personal attack. They also emphasize that this isn’t about shame—but awareness, responsibility, and action.Importantly, the episode offers hope and practical solutions. Chris and Max discuss how recovery tools—such as inventory, making amends, reaching out, acceptance, love, faith, and service to others—allow them to step out of the triangle. They stress that progress doesn’t mean perfection, but rather increasing the space between emotional blow-ups and responding more like an adult than a child.The central message is clear and uncompromising: to break free from addiction and emotional suffering, we must break the triangle of self-obsession. We must grow up—or the disease will eventually destroy us.A raw, relatable, and compassionate episode that reminds listeners they are not alone—and that there is a solution.

In this honest, reflective episode of Addicted to Recovery, hosts Christopher White and Max Thomas sit down for an unfiltered conversation with no guest, using the space to openly process the emotional impact of the Christmas period in recovery.The episode explores how breaking routine over the holidays can deeply affect addicts in recovery, triggering emotional sensitivity, irritability, overthinking, and a return to old thought patterns such as blame, control, people-pleasing, and self-criticism. Both hosts discuss struggles with family dynamics, overstimulation, and the pressure of multiple personalities coming together during Christmas.They reflect on the importance of structure, routine, and daily recovery practices, highlighting how even a few days disconnected from meetings, sponsors, or recovery messages can leave them feeling unsettled. Themes of self-awareness versus self-obsession run throughout, as the hosts acknowledge that awareness can be both a gift and a curse.Food, body image, and control around diet and exercise are discussed candidly, with both men recognising long-standing struggles with obsession, self-worth, and aligning physical health with mental and spiritual wellbeing. The conversation also touches on injury, fear of failure, and the addictive mindset looking for excuses to step away from discipline.The episode moves into reflections on gratitude, connection, and service, contrasting their family-filled Christmas experiences with those who face loneliness or homelessness during the holidays. They acknowledge the vital role of fellowship, outreach events, and simple acts of connection—such as phone calls, messages, or small moments of kindness—in sustaining recovery.Spirituality features strongly, with discussions around church, prayer, meditation, Step 11, and the need to “fill the spiritual tank,” especially when life becomes busy or emotionally charged. Both hosts identify judgmental thinking as a warning sign that their recovery needs attention.Looking ahead to 2026, Chris and Max talk openly about growth areas: improving balance, deepening spiritual practice, embracing change in work and routine, seeking counselling, meditation, and continuing to give back through sponsorship and the podcast.The episode closes with powerful moments of gratitude, remembrance, and emotional reflection, reinforcing a central message: recovery is a daily practice, connection is essential, and growth comes from getting out of self and staying spiritually grounded.