What The If?

What the if microbes held a grudge? We're thrilled to welcome Ethan Rappaport, theoretical ecologist at the University of Maryland, to take us inside the tiny turf wars happening in your gut. We imagine bacteria sharing grudges like social media reposts, passing weaponized DNA to their neighbors through tiny genetic pamphlets called plasmids. Before you know it, whole microbial nations could be declaring war on your intestinal lining until you hand over the cotton candy. So maybe skip the diet and keep those gut buddies happy! —— When she's not studying zombie fungus at Harvard or helping us break the universe every week, our very own Gaby Paniccia writes science fiction. Her short story "The Automatic Grocery Store" is now featured on the popular podcast Escape Pod! Listen here: https://escapepod.org/2026/02/19/escape-pod-1033-the-automatic-grocery-store/ —— Check out our membership rewards! Visit us at Patreon.com/Whattheif —— Got an IF of your own? Want to have us consider your idea for a show topic? Send YOUR IF to us! Visit https://whattheif.com/contact and let us know what's in your imagination. No idea is too small, or too big! Keep On IFFin', Philip, Matt & Gaby

In honor of the 25th anniversary of the MIR SPACE STATION's spectacular farewell reentry, we're featuring an encore of our August 11, 2023 episode about what happens when SPACE JUNK takes over the sky! --- Hey there, fellow Iffers! It's Philip here, and do I have a treat for you. Dive into our latest episode, "Space JUNK!", an electrifying rollercoaster of discoveries and discussions that might just be a tad messier than usual. But as Matt rightly asks, how different is that from our regular antics, right? Well, this episode is special. Not just because we dive deep into the vast expanse of space and the intriguing debris that dances within it, but also because this thrilling topic was suggested by none other than our super-duper iffer, Dan! So, grab your space helmets, make sure your anti-junk shield is activated, and journey with Matt and me into the great cosmic junkyard. And hey, if you've ever wondered if there's a "What The IF?" t-shirt or hoodie floating out there amidst the stars... well, you'll just have to tune in to find out! --- Find out more about Gaby's upcoming science fiction short story publication, coming soon! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be pre-ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention The ebook can be pre-ordered here: https://www.neonhemlock.com/ebooks/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention --- Check out our membership rewards! Visit us at Patreon.com/Whattheif Got an IF of your own? Want to have us consider your idea for a show topic? Send YOUR IF to us! Email us at [email protected] and let us know what's in your imagination. No idea is too small, or too big! Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe at WhatTheIF.com Keep On IFFin', Philip, Matt & Gaby

What the if you could read minds — but only when someone's nearby? Congratulations, your subway commute just became a psychic nightmare. Babies would blast unfiltered emotional chaos straight into your skull, your dog would telepathically loop images of a full food bowl at you around the clock, and predators might evolve to psychically lure prey into their mouths. But here's the thing — telepathy might also unlock a kind of empathy we've never experienced before, letting us truly feel the world through someone else's mind. Tinfoil hats optional — tune in and find out why you might actually want one! Want to explore how Darwin catalogued every possible gradation of animal communication and emotion? Check out these resources mentioned in the episode: Janet Browne's award-winning two-volume biography of Darwin: https://www.amazon.com/Charles-Darwin-Biography-Vol-Voyaging/dp/0691026068 The Darwin Correspondence Project, where you can read Darwin's notebooks and journals yourself: https://www.darwinproject.ac.uk/ —— When she's not studying zombie fungus at Harvard or helping us break the universe every week, our very own Gaby Paniccia writes science fiction. Her short story "The Automatic Grocery Store" is now featured on the popular podcast Escape Pod! Listen here: https://escapepod.org/2026/02/19/escape-pod-1033-the-automatic-grocery-store/ —— Check out our membership rewards! Visit us at Patreon.com/Whattheif —— Got an IF of your own? Want to have us consider your idea for a show topic? Send YOUR IF to us! Visit https://whattheif.com/contact and let us know what's in your imagination. No idea is too small, or too big! Keep On IFFin', Philip, Matt & Gaby

Right now, billions of particles are popping in and out of existence in your pocket. That's not a metaphor — that's quantum mechanics. Inspired by a YouTube video from Anton Petrov about virtual particles turning into real matter, this week's thought experiment asks: what the if virtual particles were the size of badgers? What happens when those badgers start spontaneously appearing at faculty meetings and first dates? Turns out empty space is a lot busier than it looks! Check out Anton Petrov's video that inspired this episode, "Actual Evidence of Virtual Particle Turning Into Real Matter!": https://youtu.be/VXdbffgTMVs?si=uL1hXd5ie4VfU2zq —— When she's not studying zombie fungus at Harvard or helping us break the universe every week, our very own Gaby Paniccia writes science fiction. Her short story "The Automatic Grocery Store" is now featured on the popular podcast Escape Pod! Listen here: https://escapepod.org/2026/02/19/escape-pod-1033-the-automatic-grocery-store/ —— Check out our membership rewards! Visit us at Patreon.com/Whattheif —— Got an IF of your own? Want to have us consider your idea for a show topic? Send YOUR IF to us! Visit https://whattheif.com/contact and let us know what's in your imagination. No idea is too small, or too big! Keep On IFFin', Philip, Matt & Gaby

What the if you got zapped by a shrink ray while walking past the physics department and your only hope of survival was convincing a colony of ants to take you in? Lycaenid butterfly caterpillars have been pulling this con for millions of years, hacking ant colonies with fake chemical IDs and rhythmic vibrational passwords to sneak past the bouncers. Once inside, some get the royal treatment in ant kindergarten while others take a much darker approach to fitting in that you really need to hear to believe. Based on "The Password That Lets Caterpillars Hide in an Ant's Lair" by Rebecca Zambach, published in The New York Times. https://www.nytimes.com/2026/02/25/science/caterpillar-ant-language.html?unlocked_article_code=1.R1A.pFPA.7vXnChlDK6D8&smid=url-share --- Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention The ebook can be ordered here: https://www.neonhemlock.com/ebooks/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention

What the if humans moved in schools — not classrooms, but like fish? Inspired by Carl Zimmer's New York Times article on how misinformation spreads among schooling fish, this episode explores a world where you can't go anywhere without your tightly synchronized pod. From navigating modern city life to figuring out what spooks a school of humans in the first place, things get weird fast. And the real science behind why fish school — and what happens when one of them panics for no reason — might just change how you think about your own posse. Based on "For Real, A Natural History of Misinformation" by Carl Zimmer, published in The New York Times on Dec. 9, 2025. Read the full article for free with this gift link: https://www.nytimes.com/2025/12/09/science/evolution-fish-misinformation.html?unlocked_article_code=1.PVA.RPcb.12w09kjCOLlu&smid=url-share —— When she's not studying zombie fungus at Harvard or helping us break the universe every week, our very own Gaby Paniccia writes science fiction. Her short story "The Automatic Grocery Store" is now featured on the popular podcast Escape Pod! Listen here: https://escapepod.org/2026/02/19/escape-pod-1033-the-automatic-grocery-store/ —— Check out our membership rewards! Visit us at Patreon.com/Whattheif —— Got an IF of your own? Want to have us consider your idea for a show topic? Send YOUR IF to us! Visit https://whattheif.com/contact and let us know what's in your imagination. No idea is too small, or too big! Keep On IFFin', Philip, Matt & Gaby

MIT physicist David Kaiser is one of those rare scientists who can make mind-bending physics feel like a great conversation over coffee — funny, generous, and genuinely thrilled by what we still don't know. And what he's working on is wild. What the if the universe is packed with invisible black holes smaller than an atom? Dave thinks the mysterious "missing stuff" that holds galaxies together might not be some exotic undiscovered particle — it could be tiny black holes that formed a split second after the Big Bang. If he's right, a handful of them could be cruising through our solar system right now, and we might be able to catch one in the act just by watching Mars wobble. We also dig into whether a rogue black hole might have flattened a Siberian forest in 1908, and rest assured, the residents of Brooklyn have nothing to worry about. Learn more about David Kaiser's primordial black hole research: MIT PBH Research Group: https://sites.mit.edu/mitpbh/ David Kaiser's essay in the London Review of Books — a great accessible overview with historical context: https://www.lrb.co.uk/the-paper/v46/n11/david-kaiser/black-hole-flyby The ultrahigh-energy neutrino paper (open access): https://journals.aps.org/prl/abstract/10.1103/vnm4-7wdc "Close Encounters of a Primordial Kind" — the Mars wobbles paper: https://journals.aps.org/prd/abstract/10.1103/PhysRevD.110.063533 (also available open access on arXiv: https://arxiv.org/abs/2312.17217) Primordial black holes with QCD color charge (open access): https://journals.aps.org/prl/abstract/10.1103/PhysRevLett.132.231402 Full list of press coverage: https://sites.mit.edu/mitpbh/news/ Selected press coverage: MIT News — Exotic black holes could be a byproduct of dark matter: https://news.mit.edu/2024/exotic-black-holes-could-be-dark-matter-byproduct-0606 MIT News — Mars wobble could be dark matter: https://news.mit.edu/2024/mars-wobble-could-be-dark-matter-mit-study-finds-0917 MIT News — Could a primordial black hole explain a mysteriously energetic neutrino?: https://news.mit.edu/2025/could-primordial-black-holes-last-burst-explain-mysteriously-energetic-neutrino-0918 CNN — Black holes and dark matter: https://www.cnn.com/2024/06/17/science/black-holes-dark-matter-scn/index.html LA Times — Tiny black holes zipping through the solar system: https://www.latimes.com/science/story/2024-09-17/tiny-black-holes-zipping-through-the-solar-system Scientific American — Dark matter black holes could fly through the solar system once a decade: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/dark-matter-black-holes-could-fly-through-the-solar-system-once-a-decade/ Quanta Magazine — Monster neutrino could be a messenger of ancient black holes: https://www.quantamagazine.org/monster-neutrino-could-be-a-messenger-of-ancient-black-holes-20260123/ APS Physics — "The Solar System as a Black Hole Detector" (Mars wobbles): https://physics.aps.org/articles/v17/s98 APS Physics — "New Suspect for Neutrino Signals" (neutrino paper): https://physics.aps.org/articles/v18/s124 --- Check out our membership rewards! Visit us at Patreon.com/Whattheif Got an IF of your own? Want to have us consider your idea for a show topic? Send YOUR IF to us! Email us at [email protected] and let us know what's in your imagination. No idea is too small, or too big! Keep On IFFin', Philip, Matt & Gaby

A conspiracy theory went viral claiming that on August 12th, 2026, Earth will lose gravity for seven seconds. The internet did what the internet does, and millions of people started talking about it. So we decided to take the question seriously — what the if gravity actually clocked out for seven seconds? Let's just say you might want to start shopping for bungee cords now. And maybe a bouncy castle. This episode was inspired by an Instagram post from the now-mysteriously-vanished user Mr. Donya OF, where all great science begins. --- Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention The ebook can be ordered here: https://www.neonhemlock.com/ebooks/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention

What the if a groundhog could actually predict the weather? Turns out Punxsutawney Phil would need way more than a shadow — we're talking a full groundhog space program, weather satellites, underground supercomputers, and a solar shade the size of western Pennsylvania. Welcome to the groundhog deep state, where fuzzy bureaucrats run atmospheric circulation models and control whether the sun shines on command. And here's the kicker — the whole setup might actually teach you why the weather forecast on your phone is one of civilization's most underappreciated miracles. --- Check out our membership rewards! Visit us at Patreon.com/Whattheif Got an IF of your own? Want to have us consider your idea for a show topic? Send YOUR IF to us! Email us at [email protected] and let us know what's in your imagination. No idea is too small, or too big! Keep On IFFin', Philip, Matt & Gaby

We first shared this one on Super Bowl Sunday 2019 — what better weekend to bring back nature's ultimate underdog? Enjoy this encore presentation! ---- The HAGFISH, little known, little respected... greatly feared... by sharks! Is the hagfish the Spiderman of the Sea? This little slimy fish can spit out a slimy blob that BLOWS UP REAL BIG. What the if... WE could defend ourselves like that? Imagine the sport! In celebration of the SUPER BOWL, we present a special episode: The SLIME BOWL. Let the games begin! Don't miss an IF! Subscribe: linktr.ee/whattheifshow Share your love of the IF! Drop us a review: itunes.apple.com/podcast/id1250517051?mt=2&ls=1 THANKS and Keep On IFFin'! -- Philip, Matt & Gaby

Planetary geologist Kirby Runyon from the Planetary Science Institute needs volunteers to map ancient impact melt flows on the moon from their home computers. What the if this went mainstream? Imagine science bars replacing sports bars, Twitch streams of competitive boulder counting, and reality TV dating shows where the best crater mapper wins. We explore a world where professional citizen scientists have mouse sponsorships and your doom-scrolling feed is full of discoveries instead of drama. Plus: the science of molten rock waterfalls and mountains that grew in minutes. Ready to become a citizen scientist? Here's how to get started: Join Kirby's project and start mapping boulders, craters, and ancient lava flows on the moon from your couch — mappers.psi.edu Explore more citizen science projects where you can help map Mars, Mercury, and beyond, plus space podcasts hosted by Kirby's colleague Pamela Gay — cosmoquest.org Learn about the Planetary Science Institute, the nonprofit where Kirby conducts NASA-funded research on Solar System exploration — psi.edu Become a Planetary Partner and support Kirby and his colleagues as they advance world-class research and grassroots science outreach — psi.edu/planetary-partners -------- REVIEW the show: itunes.apple.com/podcast/id1250517051?mt=2&ls=1 SUBSCRIBE for free: pod.link/1250517051 EINSTEIN'S WAR by our very own MATT STANLEY is on sale now! The Washington Post says "Stanley is a storyteller par excellence." A starred review recipient from KIRKUS, PUBLISHER'S WEEKLY, and BOOKLIST. www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/60811…81524745417 Thanks & Keep On IFFin'! -- Philip, Matt & Gaby