Weirdly Helpful (formerly The Best Advice Show)

Alexandra Cohl (@pod.draland) is the host of The Pod Broads podcast. To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST TRANSCRIPT: ZAK: Are you someone who wants to be heard but you feel a little nervous to actually come out and say the thing? ALEXANDRA: And someone who wants to connect with other people and feel seen and help other people feel seen and someone who ultimately does like to share parts of themselves in a public space. ZAK: If so, you should heed Alexandra Cohl's advice, which is this... ALEXANDRA: Do not be afraid to quote yourself and share the words that you say. You have important, thoughtful, funny and quotable shit to say and you don't have to wait for someone else to do it for you. ZAK: That's Alexandra Cohl reading from a post she wrote on Instagram last year. In other words, that's Alexandra quoting herself, quoting herself about quoting oneself. ALEXANDRA: So, don't be afraid to quote yourself is essentially saying, don't be afraid to identify what about yourself is important and worth being heard. It is not atypical for woman to feel like people are gonna view them as full of themselves if they are shouting themselves out or being very confident. You know? Like an "overly-confident woman" is seen as a negative thing in society. Not with everyone of course, but as a societal structure, that's kind of a thing that goes along with it. ZAK: Yeah. Yeah. And what do you think is the difference between you before you started sharing parts of yourself and Alexandra know? Someone who posts a lot and who quotes themselves a lot. ALEXANDRA: I would say, prior to doing this I was way more stuck in my anxiety, depressive cycles and my feelings of being very alone. And I deal with PTSD and i think this has been an outlet for me to be able to come back into my power and to not be afraid to speak up in situations where in the past I wasn't able to do that. And so its really helped me cultivate and hone my own voice an opinions in a place where I get to hold the reigns and I'm not answering to anyone. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Mason Currey (@masoncurrey) is a writer living in LA. Mason Currey's Subtle Maneuvers - https://subtlemaneuvers.substack.com/ John Cage on music and mushrooms - https://subtlemaneuvers.substack.com/p/john-cage-on-music-and-mushrooms How about singing the chorus to Yellow Submarine and sending the recording to [email protected] for use in a near-future episode? THANK YOU. TRANSCRIPT: MASON: So, my advice is specifically for people doing creative work or people doing work that involves a lot of idea generating or problem-solving which I think is a lot of people. And it comes from an e-mail interview I did with the artist, Maira Kalman. For my first book I was asking her about her daily routine and her work habits and in one of her replies she said, "I procrastinate just the right amount." And I remember thinking at the time, yeah, haha, me too. But since then I've come to think there's a real kernel of wisdom in that response. That, actually it's kind of an idea. To procrastinate just the right now amount because at least in the all the research I've done on writers' and artists' habits and creative process, you see how important ruminating on an idea is, letting an idea percolate in the back of your mind. I think we've all had the experience with, you kind of plant the seed and then you have an idea out of the blue while you're in the shower or taking the walk. But you need that PLUS a burst of focused, head-down work. You kind of need both things. And I think procrastinating just the right amount is kind of a great strategy or shortcut to getting the ideal balance of letting the idea percolate...letting your brain gnaw away at it in the background and then actually executing the piece of work and getting it done. ZAK: And how have you figured out how to build procrastination into your routine. MASON: I think I'm maybe a natural at that. This whole project of studying people's routines began with an act of procrastination. Many years ago I was supposed to be writing an article for this magazine I worked at, at the time. I went into the office on a Sunday afternoon. I was gonna do this thing and instead I was slacking off, surfing the internet and I was reading interviews with, like, writers about their routines cause it felt like maybe that would get me in the mood to work and I was like, somebody should start a blog to collect these little snippets. And then instead of writing this article I started this blog and over the course of many years it turned into book projects and now this newsletter, but I always felt bad about procrastinating. I never felt like I was doing something good or effective or strategic. And now I'm starting to think it's not something to feel bad about. It works for me. I think it works for a lot of creative people and maybe you should cultivate it a little bit instead of beating yourself up about it. ZAK: Yeah, that's a big point. Just the way that you view procrastination. Because if you have shame around it rather than, like you're saying, just cultivating kind of a positive air around it...the shame is going to impact the work and impact the amount you procrastinate. MASON: Also, if you get an assignment and get straight to work on it, you might be being very efficient but I think you're missing out on the part of the process that leads to the best work. You're missing out on the...you plant the seed and then let it work away in the back of your mind. That kind of efficiency might be inefficient in creative work because you're losing out on part of the process that leads to the best ideas. And then doing this effectively requires understanding yourself, understanding your own habits and your process and that is always a good thing to try to do creative work. Like, I think you should be aware of how you work best. When you've had success what kind of conditions created that? Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lorraine McDonald is a mom, spouse and family doctor living in Oregon. To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST For a fun time, please record yourself, solo or with your pod, singing the chorus of Yellow Submarine and send it to me at [email protected] or leave it as a voicemail at 844-935-BEST. TRANSCRIPT: LORRAINE: My advice is never try to achieve a greater level of happiness with children. When your child is happy don't get in the way of that. Don't try to make it better or improve what they're doing. Don't interrupt their flow. Just let them be. ZAK: It's fantastic. Do you think it applies to adults too? LORRAINE: Absolutely. I think it applies...we learned it with out first our child in that she was a kind of sensitive baby and if you would go up to the mobile and show her, look how this bell rings...she would just start crying when she was happily looking at the mobile. So, my husband and I would say, don't try to achieve a greater level of happiness. And it works all the way up to adulthood. Imagine, you're working on a puzzle and your partner comes along and says, hey, did you know this piece goes here?! I think that it wouldn't make you happier. It would maybe annoy you and interrupt your enjoyment of what you were doing. ZAK: In a way, it sounds like you've kind of removed some of the ego from being the all-knowing mom and just to step back and watch them. How do you think that impacts their development? LORRAINE: I think it actually improves your relationship with them and as far as their development, they're more independent and courageous and willing to try things and then come and talk to you about it and that solidifies your relationship more than if you're standing over their shoulder trying to help them get to the goal faster. ZAK: Right. Yep. I find myself doing that a lot. Like, my 3 year-old is trying to do this puzzle but she's maybe not even doing the puzzle. She's just stacking the puzzle pieces. And my impulse is to get her on track. But, like, what am I doin!? She's having fun stacking the puzzle pieces. LORRAINE: Right. And maybe you can just say to yourself internally, I'm really enjoying watching her have fun with those puzzle pieces. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Cybille St. Aude Tate (@cybillestaude) is a chef and author living in Philadelphia. Haitian Epis - http://haitiancooking.com/recipe/haitian-epis/ I'm famished for your Food Friday Advice! Call me @ 844-935-BEST TRANSCRIPT: ZAK: Back in episode #185, Savitha Viswanathan talked about making an Indian miraproix, a really strong flavor base you can use in a bunch of dishes. SAVITHA: Onions, garlic, ginger and green chile. ZAK: We're gonna go down a similar road today but in an entirely different part of the world. CYBILLE: My name is Cybille St. Aude Tate. I am a children's book author and chef. ZAK: More advice in packing in flavor efficiently and effectively today on Food Friday. CYBILLE: Epis is like the golden goose of Haitian gastronomy. Epis is used as a marinade for meats or for fishes. It's also used as a flavoring base for soups and stews and rice dishes. And originally, it started off as kind of being scraps or whatever you had in your fridge, kind of coming together and being pureed as something that you could just, kind of, hold and utilize whenever you needed it. So, the basis of it is a flavor-additive but it's also a celebration of all the tasty, aromatic aspects of Caribbean cooking. The beautiful thing about epis is that you can make it on a lazy Sunday and you'll have it in your fridge for weeks. It's great too because you'll pack all your flavor in there and you don't have to consume yourself with adding too much salt or sodium or extra stuff to you meals because the epis really takes care of it all. ZAK: What about ratios? How should we be thinking about how much of each thing to include? CYBILLE: That's also the beautiful thing about epis and the most frustrating thing about certain Caribbean food elements is that when our aunties and grandma's are making these things, they're just throwing things in there. So my rule of thumb is that I make to make a big batch of it...I use a lot. You can't buy half a bunch of cilantro, right? You have to buy the whole bunch of cilantro and so to control your waste with that, I'm letting those herbs that I have to buy large quantities of kind of navigate how much I'm preparing because if I don't have another use for the cilantro, it's gonna go bad. Cilantro goes bad so quickly. So, I just use like a bunch of cilantro, a bunch of parsley. A head of celery, two bell peppers. Just making sure that the ratio is somewhat proportionate and equal and even. And no epis is created equal. Someone might not like cilantro. There are so many cilantro hater out there! That's like a thing. ZAK: Yeah, it's very divisive. CYBILLE: Yeah. So if you don't like cilantro and parsley's your jam or if neither of those work for you, you can pick another herb. You can pick thyme, basil, rosemary. Just make sure that not one element is outshining the rest because you really want a nice complimentary, well-bounded flavor or seasoning because it's easier for it to adapt to the many applications of this one dish. ZAK: I put an epis recipe in the show notes today. Remember, it's interpretive. Make it what you want. You should follow Cybille St. Aude on Instagram. She's doing some really interesting work at the intersection of food and culture and community. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Niccole Thurman is a Los Angeles-based Actress, Improviser and Writer. Most recently, you could catch her on Indebted (NBC), in the movie Desperados (Netflix). A Black Lady Sketch Show (HBO) and Shrill (Hulu). To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST TRANSCRIPT: NICCOLE: I'm Niccole Thurman. I'm an actress. I'm a writer. I do comedy. I'm a cool aunt. Those are my jobs. ZAK: There's this mantra Nicolle has for herself. Don't get jealous. Just work harder. NICCOLE: Cause, of course you're gonna get jealous and want to be competitive. It's human nature, especially I think there's some American thing like, I want to keep up with the Jones'. I want this. I want that. You're not satisfied with what you have in the moment. But once you start to realize that getting jealous is not gonna do anything except creative negativity and take the focus off what you need to be doing. Once you realize that that's not helping you, your brain starts to rewire itself, I feel like. ZAK: How do you see or how have you noticed your work ethic evolve since you've internalized this? NICCOLE: It just changes the way you think about work because instead of working to beat someone else, you're working against yourself or you're working more within yourself so you are more focused than you would be. And I think that once you start having that mantra repeating in your head, you start working differently. You start working more within yourself and for your own goals and not looking in the periphery. You're just looking forward to what you want to do. And it's inspired by a positive reason. It's not inspired by wanting to beat someone else down or take them down. It's inspired by just wanting to better yourself. ZAK: So I just went on to IMDB and you have so many credits. It looks like you're working a lot. You're in shows that I've watched and are respected. Do you think there is a point at which you get where the jealousy receded entirely? NICCOLE: I don't know. For me, I don't get super jealous but I definitely want something more. Which is, you know, I'm learning to work through that and not do that as much because it's not helpful at all. It's also about learning to be grateful for what you have. When you say, I look at this and see all these credits and to me I'm like, Oh yeah, but they're not THE credits I want! So getting past that. But I think it will always be there. I think that's what propels you to do more but it also can hinder your work. ZAK: This is good. And I really like that Niccole isn't claiming that you can get rid of jealously. Of course you're can't but you can quiet it down. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Kat Harris (@therefinedwoman) is an author, coach and host of The Refined Collective Podcast. To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST TRANSCRIPT: ZAK: You've been cheated on. You've been lied to. You've been taken advantage of. Someone stole something from you. Someone offended. Someone abused. Someone assaulted you. Before you confront the person that wronged you, maybe consider this strategy. KAT: I will write a letter to that person that I never send to them. So, let me get out on a piece of paper every thing that I want to say. You cheated on me. You lied to me. And when you did that, this is how it made me feel. And, I'm angry. I'm pissed. And I want you to know this. And so, really almost, you know...we have these fake conversations in our hand of, oh, if I got another chance to talk to that person, I would say this! Do that. Write it all out. Don't send it and sit with it for a day or two and then write yourself a letter back from that person. ZAK: Damn. KAT: What do you need to hear from them? When I've done that with people that have hurt me or ex's or family members, it's amazing how healing it actually is and how oftentimes, all i really want is to be acknowledged. I'm so sorry I did that. I wish I wouldn't have done that. I'm so sorry for the pain that I've caused you. If I could take it back I would. Just write out exactly the words that you need to hear because the reality is, you may never get those words. And when I hold on to un-forgiveness in my body, it only impacts me. ZAK: There's a time and a place, right, to do actual conflict-resolution in your life. But what you're talking about is, this is instances where it doesn't need to resolve itself? KAT: Yeah. It could be with a person in your life that maybe they're not on this earth any more. I have friends that have un-forgiveness toward parents who are no longer on this earth. It could be a person that you are not in relationship with and it doesn't feel right to have that closure with them. It could be with someone who you want to have an in-person conflict-resolution with but you first want to figure out, what am I actually upset about here. And so, before going balls to the wall in an in-person conversation or a FaceTime, Zoom, whatever that may be...You really sitting with, what's coming up for me? What in me feels pricked by this situation? What boundaries feel violated? And, what actually do I want to hear from them because I think sometimes we feel hurt and that feeling of hurt feels so big or anger feels so big but typically under anger is sadness, disappointment, feeling the rejection, not being seen. And so, really I think that letter exercise gives you that permission to let the dust settle a little bit and figure out, oh, here's what's really coming up for me. I thought it was this but really, it's this. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Evan Major is a social worker and parent in Hamtramck, Michigan. To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST TRANSCRIPT: EVAN: My name is Evan Major and I am a school social worker and first-time parent and I got the piece of sage advice from a friend when approaching this journey that every age is the best age and that's what I wish to pass on. ZAK: I'm coming off a historically awful night's sleep. Our baby was up every couple of hours. Some type of 5-month regression or something and I was feeling so bad for myself in the middle of the night. I was resenting being a parent. I was resenting all the responsibilities I had taken on in deciding to become a parent and I was feeling pretty low. And so today I'm gonna try to be more like Evan and remember that... EVAN: Every age is the best age. ZAK: Every age is the best age. EVAN: Instead of, you know, when they're not sleeping through the night and screaming and trying to bang their head on the crib, you know, to be lamenting that and think about your level of sleep deprivation or how unsure you are of what comes next and how clueless you ultimately are as a first-time parent. It's easy to focus on those things. But just have an appreciation for every moment makes you think, wow, I really like the sound of that cry, you know. I'd like to think of it as a song. Wow, he's really trying to communicate. Wow, he's such a good communicator. Wow, this is such a special moment. It's not gonna happen again. ZAK: Yawns. Every age is the best age. Every age is the best age. You've been listening to The Best Advice Show. I want to hear your advice. Every age is the best age. Call me at 844-935-BEST. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lewis Raven Wallace is an award-winning independent journalist based in Durham, North Carolina, and a cofounder of Press On, a Southern collective supporting journalism for liberation. Their book and podcast is called The View From Somewhere. To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST TRANSCRIPT: ZAK: Today on The Best Advice Show, we're gonna talk about boundaries with Lewis Raven Wallace. LEWIS: I'm a writer, journalist and podcaster. I have a book and a podcast called The View from Somewhere about the myth of journalistic objectivity and how that myth has been used to uphold racism and transphobia and the status-quo. I have a piece of advice that I give myself a lot but also that I started giving, sometimes, in work shops and sometimes to editors and just in general, which is, why don't you just google it. So, for me the context typically has to do with gender and sexuality issues. There's a lot of terminology around being trans and that terminology changes a lot and there are lots of interesting debates in the community about the terminology, but pretty much all of it is google-able. What does F to M stand for? I don't understand what trans-feminine means. I'll get into a thing with an editor or just a person in my life, who, their reaction to a piece of terminology that's really well known in the trans community is like, but I don't know what means. ZAK: And they come to you and tell you that? LEWIS: Right. Or, they have this idea that trans people specifically owe them an explanation and what's funny about is...the conundrum about it is is that there's not one definition for these words. There are all these different understandings. And so, if you google it, you can find out what the debates are and what the different opinions are and you and kind of get up to speed and asking your one trans person to explain it to you, first of all is kind of weird and tokenizing but second of all, it potentially limits your understanding, you know? Cause I feel like people are really afraid and I'm afraid too sometimes if I don't know something and as a white person about race I'll be like, oh gosh, I don't know. LEWIS: Like, for me, it's like this practice of boundaries, right? I'm 36. I' came out as trans when I was 16 so more than half my life has been as a very visible gender non-conforming person. And that started at a time when it was a lot less known about it and a lot more questions and just so much of my personal energy has gone to explaining myself to people and especially when I was younger and trying to explain and trying to be understood but at the end of the day all I'm asking for is for folks to just respect my self-determination and self-identity and that has nothing to do with how much information you do or don't have and so I think often too that people pose this sort of, well I don't understand as a defense. It's not a desire to understand. It's an excuse for not understanding and I learned that over time and became very frustrated and angry and realized that I needed to have better boundaries with that and just be like, you know what, I'm not here to help you understand. You can choose to respect and accept me or not and that's your decision AND you can use google for like, 90 percent of these things and then come and talk to me when we're close enough to where it would actually be appropriate to ask me that question. So, as you can see, there's some bitterness but also it's been such a healthy practice for me to set that boundary and to suggest that to other people and its been empowering and clarifying and clarifying for me in other areas of my life where I might have that same fear or guilt or weird navigation and then I realize, oh, I can just google it. I can take my own advice and not be that guy and just use the google before I'm like, I don't get it. I don't understand. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Al is a professor and created the Single Folks Food Tumblr. https://singlefolksfood.tumblr.com/ To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST TRANSCRIPT: ZAK: Every Friday on the show, we do something Food-related. But it's still relationship week so today I'm gonna combine the two with Al. ZAK: You ever eat off the spatula? AL: Oh yeah! Laughter ZAK: Awhile ago, Al was going through a break-up AL: And I had been living with that person for 2 years and we did all of our chores together. We did the cooking, the laundry, the everything and so now the basic facts of my life...the subsistence chores behaviors all became twice as long as they had been. ZAK: Right. So, what did you do? AL: What I did is I started playing a game with myself where I would just see how few dishes I could use to make a meal and keep a tally for myself. I mean it's not a revolutionary idea but one thing that I just did is I warmed some tortillas on the stove without anything and cut up an avocado and sliced the avocado in the avocado shell and put the salt in the avocado shell and then just sort of squeezed the avocado out from the skin on to the warmed up tortillas. So I did use a plate for the tortillas but I think, in theory, I could have just squeezed it directly into the tortilla in my hand. ZAK: Right. So no pots and plates and one plate at most. So that's a win. AL: That's a win. Yeah. ZAK: So you're like, game-ifying this process that at first was just depressing and overwhelming? AL: Yeah, exactly. Yeah. It's trying to infuse a situation that just felt like resentment and exhaustion and disappointment and turn it into something exciting...that I can be excited to do. ZAK: And the objective is, don't use too many dishes and what else? AL: Feed myself. Laughter. At some point, not to make light of, at some point it just became very difficult to feed myself and I think part of it is can I just feel a little but excited about taking care of own body and also make it as easy on myself as possible. So, little clean-up, low clean-up. ZAK: If you are in Al's boat and are having a hard time motivating yourself to cook, you should check-out their Tumblr. It's called SingleFolksFood.Tumblr.Com, One-Dish Easy Prep Meals for Vaguely Conscious People with No One to impress. I Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lindsey Maddin is a legendary mother, daughter, sister and friend from Metro-Detroit. To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST TRANSCRIPT: ZAK: It's relationship advice week and today, my older sister Lindsey and I are going to talk about nit-picking. LINDSEY: With your partner, spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend. Just think, if you're really annoyed at something and think you're about to get into a fight...Sometimes people get annoyed at how their partner loads the dishwasher. Maybe just let them load the dishwasher and don't make it a whole thing. ZAK: Right, if they don't do it the same way as you, what does it matter? They're not saving as many cubic inches as you, per plate. Who really cares. That kind of thing? LINDSEY: Exactly. I just think about, is this something that's gonna bother me in 24-hours. And more often than not, the answer is no and it's like, ok, I'm annoyed right now. I'll just take a breath and leave it. ZAK: Because the nit-picky things are the things that don't matter the next day. LINDSEY: Exactly. And it's hard. I'm not perfect at it by any means. But I do find that if I think about it...I'm like, ok, instead of just being like, why aren't you doing it this way, be happy that they're doing it all. There's definitely things that I do that are I know bothersome and they don't always get addressed. So, try to give the benefit of the doubt and just let some of these small things blow over. ZAK: Right. LINDSEY: And then if it is something that still bothers me the next day, I will communicate about it and deal with it then or, even maybe write something down to get my thoughts out and have a more thought-out fight if you want to call it that or discussion. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Conor Barnes write the blog, ideopunk. Check out his expansive list of 100 tips for a better life. To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST TRANSCRIPT: ZAK: This week on the show, I'm sharing relationship advice. And today, I've got something for you to think about next time you're on a date and really, next time you're getting to know anyone new. ZAK: My guest is Conor Barnes and his advice is inspired by a book called Models by Mark Manson. Here's how Conor articulates a piece of Manson's dating advice. CONOR: When dating, de-emphasizing your quirks will lead to 90% of people thinking you're kind of alright. Emphasizing your quirks will lead to 10% of people thinking you're fascinating and fun. Those are the people interested in dating you. Aim for them. Often when people date, I think they're kind of, how to say it, they're not playing to win, they're playing not to lose. So, their goal is to be kind of acceptable to all the people they're seeing on dates, in hopes, like, that they won't ruin it. They're like, G-d, if only this person will accept me. I have to hide the parts of myself that don't quite fit or are edgy or are risky. And, Mark Manson argues and I would argue cause it just made so much sense to me is that, that's actually a terrible strategy. The goal in dating isn't to find somebody who finds you acceptable. The goal is to find somebody who's really exciting about you and somebody that you're really excited about. Like, you don't want to be with somebody who thinks, oh, they're alright. You want to be with somebody who's like, whoa, this person is weird like me or weird in a way I've never encountered before. I keep thinking about them. ZAK: Yeah. CONOR: Yeah. I think that's really crucial but the issue is that it's scary to do that. ZAK: What's your area of weirdness? Cause I could tell you mine. CONOR: Oh, please. If you go first, I might be able to think of one. ZAK: I sometimes fear that I'm bringing up pooping or farting too soon in a relationship. CONOR: Right, right! Yeah, that's a perfect example. Yeah, that would turn off a good chunk of people. But if you find the right person with it, you're set. ZAK: That's right! CONOR: What comes to mind right now is an instance where I didn't shy away from it and it led to the date not working out. I was on this date with somebody who, we found each other online and we both were really into music. That was great. We'll go on a date and talk about music. And that particular month, I was in a huge metal phase and the woman asked me, what are you listening to right now. I said, right now I'm really stoked about Pig Destroyer. ZAK: Is that a band? CONOR: Yeah, they're a grind-core band. And I was like, check out this album and this song. The album has this grotesque cover art and the lyrics are just brutal and to me I think it's really well done. But, I realized, wait, this was a risky thing to do on the first date. And then I never heard from her again. And at first I was like, aw shoot, I shouldn't have brought that up. And then right after, I thought, no, if she was into metal too or thought that it was neat, that could have been great. ZAK: Conor's advice on dating is 1 of 100 tips for a better life he recently shared on his blog, ideopunk. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

April is the host of, AprilRose Speaking available wherever you listen to podcasts. https://anchor.fm/april-stephens/episodes/Ep--53-Why-Business-Women-should-Acquire-Negotiating-Skills-elfprn To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST TRANSCRIPT: ZAK: A little while ago I started collecting your grandparent's best advice. Or just things they did or said that stuck with you in someway. It started with Sam and his grandma. SAM: And the only piece of advice I ever heard her give was, be polite and do whatever the hell you want. And that is what's on her gravestone in South Florida. ZAK: And then Laura called in to tell me about this thing that her grandma did that she now tried to emulate. LAURA: Just by example. She didn't tell me to do this. But I learned after she had died that she had done something very kind for someone. And she never talked about it. I thought that was such an interesting practice that I try to do that myself. ZAK: If you're holding some memorable advice from one of your grandparents, I would love to hear it. Give me a call on the hotline at 844-935-BEST. So it was many years ago and April was at her grandma's house. She had just gone through a break-up. APRIL: I was just sitting there. I think Lifetime was on. I must have had this sad look on my face. I wasn't really say too much. I think she just picked up on my vibe and she looked at me and she knew what I was going through. We didn't really talk about it in detail. She looked at me and said I just want you to know that you're not a throwaway girl. ZAK: Did you think before you said that you were a throwaway girl? APRIL: I just didn't understand why somebody who knew that I loved them wouldn't allow me to love them. So, it kind of made me feel like it was something wrong with me...it's something that people probably don't like about me, you know? Maybe that was my thought-process before and so it really flipped my perspective like, hey, this relationship didn't work but I'm not throwaway girl. Let's pick the pieces back up. Let's put some nice clothes on and have some fun with the girls and move on with my life. And that's how I live my life every single day and I teach my children that too. ZAK: I wasn't sure this was true before but I've heard April talk about it and a couple other people I recently talked to...this thing about hearing the right words at the right time from the right person... APRIL: I want you to know that you're not a throwaway girl. ZAK: And in a moment, you're changed...like actually changed. APRIL: And that really set me up not only for moving forward as far as relationships and picking the pieces up and knowing that I deserve love. And just because this relationship didn't work or this man decided he did not want to be with me and I had his children...that didn't mean my life was over. I could still be appreciated for who I am. ZAK: April is the host of AprilRose speaking, a podcast you can find wherever you listen to The Best Advice Show. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Eileen MacDougall hosts Book Stew on WCTV. To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST TRANSCRIPT: ZAK: Before I get going, you should know today's episode contains the F-word. Twice. This Sunday is Valentine's Day, and I thought I'd use the holiday, as bogus as it is to some people...to share some relationship advice I've been collecting. If you've been at home, all day, every day with your partner for the past year or so, you might be looking for some strategies to deal with spontaneous rage. EILEEN: If we hit our ultimate point where we're really in conflict and going after each other, we came up with a way to slow that process down. Other people might find beneficial. It's like a stop-gap measure before your rage goes off the charts. ZAK: This is Eileen MacDougall. EILEEN: So, I had been thinking about when our daughter played soccer. Someone did something particularly egregious on the field, the refs had the ability to drop these flags. There was a yellow flag that was a warning and red flag that was ok, you're out of the game. And I thought that was such a great way to stop people from doing stupid things without screaming at them, because obviously, refs can't do that. ZAK: Refs can't, but, of course, we at home do have screaming as an option. But that's what Eileen and her husband were trying to avoid. Bless them. EILEEN: So, I have some index cards. Two purple index cards. That's a tribute to Prince cause I love Prince. And on the first one, in big block letters is WTF in red, red Sharpie...which is obviously What The Fuck. And the second one in big block letters is WTAF in gold Sharpie. Which is What the Actual Fuck. And that is the ultimate...that's the equivalent of a yellow card and a red card. And we keep the cards in our napkin basket and our napkin basket sits on the dining room table. ZAK: So, just to clarify, WTAF is worse than WTF? EILEEN: Oh, absolutely. You throw the actual in there and that's like, forget it. That's the extra emphasis. So, one time it was a stupid pandemic thing and this one time, which really had to do with Chinese food which is so stupid. So, the protocol behind bringing food in is pretty established. Whoever does the ordering goes out and gets it gets to come home and see a set table. So, that was one time that that didn't happen. ZAK: Wait, what didn't happen? EILEEN: He hadn't put glasses of water down at the table. So, it wasn't like there was a completely unset table for Chinese takeout. It was like, he left out one thing and I had just come in from outside. It was cold. I had to schlep to the Chinese place and pick up the food so I think came in and I was, like, a little bit mad about me being the one to go out and then when I looked at the dining room table and there was one element missing, I just lost it. And I was probably on the verge of losing it about everything, anyway. So, I actually threw the WTF card. I picked it up and I dropped it in-front of him at the table. And he looked at me and he picked up the WTAF card and threw it at me. So we had these two cards sitting on the table and we were still in a rage but as soon as the cards came down, we just started laughing cause it was so silly and funny. It forced us to just look at each other and go does this matter? Does this mean anything? Can we get past this? Just the laughing which never would have happened without the cards broke-up the whole disagreement and put us back to maybe merely grumbling at each other and some muted apologies. And that was all we needed. So now we have the cards there and they reside there permanently and I think we've agreed that when we get vaccinated and when things get better, we can either burn the cards or we can just keep them enshrined somewhere in the napkin basket on the dining room table so that they're always there if ever need them. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ray Anthony Barrett (@rayanthonybarrett) is an artist and chef. To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST TRANSCRIPT: ZAK: We made it through another week, friends. You know what that means...Food Friday. RAY: I'm Ray Anthony Barrett. I'm an artist and chef. I'm on the road working on an art project, searching my roots, learning about a lost knowledge of the land and trying to define for myself what it means to be free today. Before I set out on this journey, I came back to something I learned in Boy Scouts which is be prepared. And as I found my way into kitchens the concept of mise en place fits nicely into that notion of be prepared. It's basically, before you start cooking, you have all your ingredients prepared, chopped and ready to cook. Anthony Bourdain talked about mise en place in terms of the 6 p's in his case which is proper planning prevents piss poor performance. In my experience, having a mantra or motto that is positive or an affirmation is helpful. So I modified that to proper planning produces peak performance. I'm camped in this canyon near the Salton Sea right now and being able to trust my gut and survey the situation and prepare myself accordingly...I make plans, I make to-do lists and, you know, it's like, plan for the worst, hope for the best. But, also, what I'm learning in this...in life and also being out here in the elements, in the wilderness is, you have to be prepared to completely throw that away and adapt to the situation. ZAK: If you want to live vicariously though Ray on his roadtrip. You an follow him on Instagram at Ray Anthony Barrett. As always, I'm very hungry for your food advice. Give me a call on the hotline at 844-935-BEST. If you're enjoying this show, please leave a rating or review wherever you listen to podcasts. I'll talk to you soon. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Anna North (@annanorthtweets) is a senior reporter at Vox and a novelist. Her newest novel is Outlawed, a Western adventure in an alternate world. To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST TRANSCRIPT: ANNA: I feel like all my best advice is stolen from other people and this advice is something I overheard one of the New York Times political reporters say when we were all covering the 2016 Conventions. So, we're working around the clock, like really stressed, we're very tired and she was like, it's really important when you're on deadline, you know, you're working really hard for a project when you're not able to get a lot of rest of a lot of sleep. You think you want to drink a lot of coffee and keep yourself caffeinated but actually that's bad and it will back-fire. First, you should eat a lot, but most importantly you should drink a ton of water. Like drink water is the most basic advice ever but it actually works. So then I've kind of employed this ever since. Especially if I'm on deadline for something. If there's a really stressful project. The reason it works is that, first of all, you have to get up and pee all the time so if forces you to get up out of your chair and not just be starting at your screen. Second of all, you're hydrated which is good. Third of all, you're just doing something with your hands. Like, I think is why people used to like cigarette breaks, cause you just want to be doing something. So you have water, you're constantly drinking water. It helps you stay focused. This has been hard for me cause I really hate water. I hate drinking water. They tell you drinking 8 glasses...I've always found that so annoying. But, I'll drink water if I have to, like if I'm having dinner or something. But I don't like it. There are people that just enjoy having a nice glass of water and I'm not one of those people. But it really helps when you're on deadline. My name's Anna North. I'm a senior reporter at Vox and I'm also the author of three novels, the most recent Outlawed, which is out now with Bloomsbury. ZAK: Drink water. So simple. So important. So obvious but still so difficult for some of us. Thank you, Anna North. What are you doing to make it through? Give me a call at 844-935-BEST. That's 844-935-BEST. If there's someone who you think should hydrate more but you don't know how to tell them, send them this episode. Thanks. Talk to you soon. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Josh Ruben is an award-winning actor, writer, and director whose feature film SCARE ME - which he wrote, produced, directed & starred alongside Aya Cash and Chris Redd - debuted at the 2020 Sundance Film Festival. -- You Made it Weird #210 with Josh Ruben - https://archive.nerdist.com/you-made-it-weird-210-josh-ruben/ -- To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST -- TRANSCRIPT: ZAK: When I need to laugh until it hurts. Like, keep over laugh, my go to source is this one episode of a podcast I like called, You Made it Weird. JOSH RUBEN ON YOU MADE IT WEIRD: Well, the thing about life is one day you'll be dead. I don't know why it's an elephant at the end of everything I say... ZAK: The guy doing the Robin Williams impression is Josh Ruben. And the guy laughing so much is the host of the show, Pete Holmes. JOSH RUBEN ON YOU MADE IT WEIRD: Pete, come downstairs, it's bit time! That was Mrs. Doubtfire... ZAK: You can even hear the engineer in the studio laughing. *Laughs.* ZAK: This is me listening at home. *Laughs.* ZAK: The interview is well over 90-minutes and a huge portion is just like this, Josh riffing on a bunch of impressions. JOSH RUBEN ON YOU MADE IT WEIRD: My name is Leonard Lowe. PETE HOLMES ON YOUR MADE IT WEIRD: Is that the character from Awakenings? How did you pull that? ZAK: We're gonna get to the advice, but first this is my favorite of Josh's impressions. JOSH RUBEN ON YOU MADE IT WEIRD: Yeah, buddy. I'm pretty into photography, actually as an actor... ZAK: Josh, the master impressionist, was kind enough to meet me on Zoom and give me some advice about how to do a good impression. JOSH: The more specific the better. Broad ones stink. Look for that. The weird tongue, lip-smack, shifting of the weight, you know? ZAK: And what do you think makes Jeff Bridges such a fun one to do? JOSH: I think it's the musicality of his voice. Friendly, dopey golden retriever kind of quality about him. And from there, the fact that you can just say anything. Yeah, I hit another man with my car...man. It's just fun to do. Who doesn't love Jeff? ZAK: Yeah, he's such a lovable guy. Buddy. Buddy. JOSH: There ya go. Yeah. Buddy! If you catapult your underbite, you know, your lower mandible on the D, I think that's how to do it. Give it a try. ZAK: Buddy. Buddy! JOSH: Yeah. Buddy! It's almost like you're barfing out the D. ZAK: Buddy! JOSH: Yeah, there ya go. Yeah. ZAK: He's just being nice. I've got a lot of work to do. Josh Ruben is an amazing impressionist. He's also the writer, director and star of the new terrifying and funny movie, Scare Me, is available on demand. And you might know Jeff Bridges was recently diagnosed with lymphoma. I'm sending lots of love his way today. Buddy. Buddy. I love you, buddy. Buddy. Buddy. As always, I want to hear your advice. Give me a call on the hotline at 844-935-BEST. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lauren Passell is founder of Tink Media and co-founder of Lasso Audio, the first management company and agency for podcasters. She is also the curator of Podcast The Newsletter. SUBSCRIBE to Podcast, The Newsletter - https://podcastthenewsletter.substack.com/ -- To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST -- TRANSCRIPT: ZAK: When I set out to make this show, I couldn't have predicted the predominance of shower advice. But here I am with the 4th episode devoted to shower or bath advice. It started with Drew in episode 5 and how he likes to start his days with an orange in the shower. DREW: It's just such a pure, little moment of absolute sensual wonder and joy. ZAK: Then there was Ken in episode 18. KEN: I've discovered a new kind of coffee in the middle of the day and it's something that I'm calling the lunch-hour shoer. ZAK: And Jules in episode 103. JULES: My advice is to wash your feet because they often get forgotten. ZAK: And now Lauren in episode 203. LAUREN: Ok, this thing that I do every single day since I was 5 years-old and I didn't tell anyone about it till I was 21. It was a secret I had with myself. I call it Shower Belly. And every single morning...it has to be bar soap. You get bar soap and you lather it on your stomach for a long time until there's a layer of soap. It has to be a true layer and then I draw on it. And I call it my Shower Belly Creations and it makes me really happy and it's a little ritual I have with myself. ZAK: What did you draw today? LAUREN: Pizza. When I can't think of anything to draw I usually draw pizza. ZAK: Like, one slice? LAUREN: Yeah, like a triangle. And then you can make toppings. Or for some reason a phone or Mary Poppins, rainbows, stars. Always up for new ideas. ZAK: Like, what does it do for you? LAUREN: I think part of it is that I've been doing it for so long. Maybe people can't enjoy it if they haven't been doing it their entire lives. But it's like a little therapeutic. It feels like I'm really, really cleaning myself. I'm taking care of myself. It's like the one time in the day where I'm not listening to a podcast or talking. People say they have shower thoughts. It's like a good time to just think about yourself and the drawing though, I think it just reminds me...it's something playful. It makes me laugh. I do it everyday and it always makes me laugh! Cause it seems like I'm a grown-up, I should have stopped doing this by now. It's so stupid and I love stupid things. ZAK: Me too. LAUREN: I think that's why I don't stop doing it. ZAK: Yeah, and I don't want to beat it to death but something about...it's like you are...it's a daily ritual that you've invented to connect yourself to your child-self. Which is like a metaphor, like always remember to have a child's curiosity, but you're physicalizing and so I think that makes life better for, yeah? LAUREN: Yeah. And, you know, I have really good memories of my entire childhood. It's like a safe place I'm going to or something. I didn't need to be on Lexapro when I was five years-old when I started doing Shower Belly. It's this safe spot that I can go to at the beginning of my day so I can start my day being happy and laughing in the shower. ZAK: Lauren Passell is the curator of Podcast, The Newsletter. If you are looking for a ton of new podcast recommendations every week, Lauren's newsletter is the place. She says she listens to about 5 hours a day of podcasts. Amazing. She also is the founder of Tink Media. Thanks Lauren. If you have some shower related advice for me I think we should keep this going. Please let me know what it is at 844-935-BEST. And if you're enjoying this show, please consider leaving a rating or review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen. Stay clean, friends. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Cheri Passell runs I Love Italian Movies.com and runs Barbie_Snack on Instagram. -- Always Beginning with Norene Cashen - https://bestadvice.show/episodes/2020105_always-beginning-with-norene-cashen/ -- To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST TRANSCRIPT: ZAK: My guest today, Cheri Passell, has some advice particularly for woman over 40. But I think it applies to all of us. CHERI: This sounds so trite, but my advice is to never stop dreaming and to dream big. And it's not as trite as it sounds because something happens to woman, woman over 40. It happens to men to but not as much as it does for woman. Woman become pretty invisible. All the sudden you notice when you come into the room, nobody really notices you. I was at a party, my husband's company party that I didn't really want to be at anyway and I thought, oh, nobody really wants to talk to me. I mean people were doing it but you know, like, I wasn't the interesting person to talk to in the room, you know? And I kept thinking, hey, I have lots of really interesting things to talk about! I could see the look in their face. They were thinking, I wish I was over here talking to this person instead. They were kind of looking for an escape route. You know when somebody looks out of the corner of your eye and you think, oh, you're not paying attention to me. You're looking over there at that. ZAK: Yeah, we all know that look. What did that feel like? CHERI: I think for a lot of woman it's pretty devastating. But, it didn't destroy but it made me rethink my life. Lets put it that way. ZAK: In what way? CHERI: My desire to amuse myself has always been greater than my need to please people. So, I just decided to start looking for ways to amuse myself. I think a lot of woman my age thing, it's too late. Particularly my age cause I'm now 64. But even when I was in my 40s I thought, I don't know if I want to use the word re-invent, but it's find out what was still there for me. It's not over yet. I think woman think oh, I should have done this, I should have done that. Well, do it. And I always thought, oh, I should have studied languages in college. And I probably should have but what's stopping me now. So, when I was about 45, I started taking Italian lessons and I started watching Italian movies to improve my Italian and that's when I just became this expert-ish person on Italian Cinema cause I was so into it. ZAK: Cheri became such an enthusiast that she started a blog, ILoveItalianMovies.com. CHERI: And I never thought it would be anything. I think some people are afraid to start things cause they think, I won't be any good. That's not the point. I just wanted to do something that I thought would be fun. But eventually I developed a little audience and now I go to the Venice Film Festival with press credentials every year. I mean, it turned into something. I'm not bragging, honestly. ZAK: I know. CHERI: Everybody should do this. I'm not special. If you find a passion, do it! Just go for it. ZAK: I love it and I love so much this thing that you articulated which I think is really a North Star for, for a good life is, amuse yourself and don't try to please others. That's so big and so hard for so many of us. CHERI: Yeah. ZAK: When Cheri isn't writing about Italian Films. She's running her Instagram account Barbie_Snack which really could only exist for her amusement. But it looks like people really like it. It's so weird and delightful. CHERI: I call myself a Barbie artist. ZAK: Cheri's advice today pairs particularly well with the episode we did called Always Beginning with Norene Cashen. I linked to that in our show notes. If you have some advice for me, give me a call on the hotline at 844-935-BEST. And if you can think of someone in your life who might benefit from this episode, consider sending them this episode. Thanks so much. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Michael Strausz is a sourdough enthusiast, baking in Fort Worth, Texas. Starter-Along Sourdough Pizza Recipe | Serious Eats -https://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2010/12/starter-along-sourdough-pizza.html To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST TRANSCRIPT: ZAK: We've come to the end of another week of The Best Advice Show. It's Food Friday. If you have some food-related advice for me, call me on the hotline at 844-935-BEST. MICHAEL: I mean, it's pretty cliched, but it was during the pandemic, I think a few months in and my spouse, Kate, she started to think, maybe we should try sourdough. So first we tried to make our own starter and we failed. So we gave up on that but then we just borrowed some from a friend. Cause, that's the nice thing about sourdough is that you can share it very easily. So we got some from a friend and we started feeding it. I feel like that was around June. And we've been feeding it and using it a ton ever since. ZAK: It's kind of like a lifestyle. MICHAEL: Definitely a lifestyle. I really like the fact that I can keep this thing alive in my fridge and use it to cook and I really like just the ability to sort of continue to produce my own leavening agent. I think that if it wasn't for the pizza dough and breads that I make with it, including pita bread, it's very good with pita bread by the way. If it wasn't for that, I probably wouldn't do it. But just being able to have your own leavening agent that you're growing is really enjoyable. ZAK: Do you have a name for yours? MICHAEL: We call it The Animal. And my kids will joke sometimes that I love it more than them, or it's third, after the two of them The Animal is a close third. ZAK: And for those of us who are like, alright, there's too much work. There's this living thing in our fridge. Make the pitch for why we should try this. MICHAEL: So, if it's in the fridge. The work that it takes you to just keep it alive is once again. You get it out of the fridge. You take some out and then you add in, you know, the same amount of water and flour. So, I usually do 100 grams cause I have a kitchen scale. It takes like a minute. You pull a little out. You add the same amount of water and flour and then put it back in the fridge and that keeps it alive and that's it. And then whenever you want to use it, it's there. ZAK: So, I'm gonna include your favorite sourdough recipe in the show notes. What might that be? MICHAEL: It would be the pizza dough. I'll send it to you. It's from Serious Eats. MICHAEL: I'm Michael Strausz. I'm the President of the Board of Directors of the Jewish Education Agency in Fort Worth which runs a pre-school. The Lil Goldman Early Learning Center. ZAK: Thanks for listening to the show. If you're enjoying it, please consider leaving a rating or review wherever you listen to podcasts. And again, I am hungry for your food advice. Call me at 844-935-BEST. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Stephanie Slagle is Senior Director, Brand Agency and Sales Strategy at Graham Media Group. To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST TRANSCRIPT: STEPHANIE: Oh hi. I'm Stephanie Slagle. I work with sales teams. ZAK: Stephanie and I work for the same company, Graham Media. She's a gem. STEPHANIE: I'm a very high-energy person. I'm kind of always like, bleeeeeee. I actually had a mentor of mine tell me long, long ago that when someone goes up you go down. And what he meant by that was when the energy level of somebody because they're stressed or concerned or worried and these are all real things...when you're managing people all of these things are real things and their energy and stress and concern level goes up...if you take yours down then you will help them come down. Right? Because it's usually fear or a concern and anxiety that they're challenged with, that gets them to that state. And in the beginning, because I am such a high energy person, I was like, that's crazy! Why would you do that? But over time I started practicing it and so when someone would come in to my office saying, oh my God I lost an account! I physically would get quieter and say, what happened? The very act of taking your voice, your tone and your energy down, they naturally kind of match you and it helps them calm down. ZAK: And have you brought this strategy outside the office? STEPHANIE: I did eventually. Initially it was, I do this at work to kind of help manage things. But now it's become natural to who I am. When there is a big stressful moment, it's, let's get back to what can we control. ZAK: Have you figured out a helpful way to manage your stress or the stress of those around you. If so, I would love to hear it. Give me a call at 844-935-BEST or email me at [email protected]. Thanks! Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Brenden Murphy is an amateur plumber from Michigan. To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BESTTo offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST TRANSCRIPT: ZAK: Today's episode is a little longer than usual, but it contains some advice that you are going to carry with you for the rest of time. There are few things more terrifying than this moment. ZAK: Ok, I'm in my bathroom. I'm just wondering if you can tell me how you became an amateur plumber. BRENDEN: Well, in my life, toilets seem to get clogged a lot. As embarrassing as that is to admit, it's true. So I know for me, personally, if I go into anyone's bathroom and there's no plunger I won't go number two. I'm gonna find another bathroom cause I'm like, I'm not gonna risk it. ZAK: I think it's very big of you to admit that you clog toilets. But everyone has clogged a toilet. And if you say you haven't clogged a toilet, I don't know if I would even believe you, you know? BRENDEN: Right. ZAK: Brenden Murphy is here to save the day. Here is his advice on how not to make toilet overflow and humiliate yourself in four easy steps. So you've flushed the toilet and it's not going down. BRENDEN: My first piece of advice is to get some hand soap. If you put a couple squirts of hand soap just right over the toilet hole, what will happen is, soap is a lubricant, it'll help it go down easier but the soap will also, when you start plunging, it will help keep the odor down so there won't be a smell associated with it. And everything will just be a little cleaner. ZAK: Aren't you glad you tuned in today. Step number two, the plunging. BRENDEN: The basic advice is you wanna make sure it's sealed around the hole because you're not actually pushing the material down with that plunger handle. You're creating a pressure difference that's going to pull the material into the pipes. So, one way that you can do that faster is when you push down with the plunger, jerk it back and instead of doing a slow forward, backward, when you push it down and it's sealed, if you do a quick jerk, that should create a little more pressure and that should help it move faster. ZAK: Ok, you got that? First soap, then the quick jerk. Now on to number 3. BRENDEN: The third piece of advice which I think is the most important one is when you get to the point when you might have to flush it again, you know, like the water is low, maybe you need some more water, if you add more water, it will help push the material down but of course you don't want to overflow the toilet. So, if you look to the left of the toilet, there will be a knob. In most houses it's a handle. It's normally coming out from the wall about one-foot off the floor. It's silver and that's called the supply line shut-off valve. ZAK: Yes. Here is this valve you're describing which I have never noticed before. BRENDEN: There should be a handle/lever on it that you can turn to the right. That's gonna limit the amount of water. You want to make sure the water level is pretty low but as long as it's fairly low and it looks like it's a decent amount, by shutting off the supply line you should not overflow the toilet. It shouldn't spill out. ZAK: Ok, so we're almost home free. Soap. Plunge. Turn the supply line off and at this point you can flush, hopefully everything goes down. BRENDEN: And then you turn back on the supply line. Everything fills up. Everything's somewhat clean. And my last piece of advice is to take that plunger and to plunge your toilet once it's clean water. You've already got the plunger out. You've already filled up the toilet with clean water. So, go ahead and rinse it off. My name is Brenden Murphy. I'm a cost-estimator in Sterling Heights, Michigan and I'm an amateur handyman. ZAK: Brenden, I speak for myself and all the listeners of The Best Advice Show, you've just saved us so much heartache. Thank you so much. If you have any life saving advice, I would love to hear it. Give me a call on the hotline at 844-935-BEST. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Brian is a husband, father and hugger from the Midwest. To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST ZAK: Brian is from the Midwest. He works in insurance. His daughter is grown now, but when she was a little kid. BRIAN: I noticed a funny thing. She was a pretty easy kid to raise but if she was ever upset or crying or cranky, hungry, tired...if you sat down on her level and just pulled her in for a little bit and if you'd feel her take a deep breath and she would just let go. And I thought, that's funny...Not yelling at her, not telling her to do anything. Just grab her and hold her a minute. When I would come home from work and I'd be exhausted somedays, getting home late and she'd run to the front-door and she'd hug me and I said that's a fake hug. That's a movie hug. Give me one of your real hugs and she would squeeze me as hard as she could and I would say, I can't breathe! And her response always was, try. BRIAN: But then I recently was reading about hugs and when you hug 20-seconds or more there's actually a hormone, oxytocin. It makes you let go. It lets rest. It lets you relax. And during this pandemic, I was always a person that was gone and traveled and I've been home a lot and I have a little of this feeling. And I saw my wife getting a little bit more anxiety too and we would occasionally, just, I'd pass her in the kitchen in between calls and I'd realize, hey, that's big hug opportunity. And I'd just reach out and grab her and at first she'd be surprised but she'd hug and then she'd try to walk away and I'd say, no, it's gotta be 20-seconds. That's when you really get the full effect. ZAK: Yeah. Do you have a name for these long hugs? BRIAN: I call them a drive-by hug. Because I almost pass her and then I turn around and say, whoa, I missed a chance for a hug there. ZAK: That's so sweet. Do you count to 20? BRIAN: I actually don't count but I do it by breaths. Cause I try to take deep breaths when I do it too. ZAK: Do you think it works on yourself if you do a self-hug? I'm thinking about folks who don't live with other people. BRIAN: You know, I think it does. ZAK: Can we try a 20-second self-hug? BRIAN: Yeah, let's do it. ZAK: I'll follow your breaths here. ZAK: Listener feel free to breathe and hug along with us at home. Extended Breaths..... ZAK: I feel better. What's not to like about that? I want to thank Brian for sharing this concept of the 20-second drive-by hug with me. I've been practicing at home. You've been listening to The Best Advice Show and I want to hear your advice. How are you getting by? Lemme know on the hotline at 844-935-BEST. That's 844-935-BEST. And here's an idea. I know we can hug anyone outside of our pod right now, but maybe sending them this episode would be a nice consolation. Thanks. Talk to you soon. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Amy Dallas is a public defender living in New York. To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST TRANSCRIPT: AMY: I am Amy Dallas and I am a person, a mother, a public defender, a person interested in restorative justice and a very emotional lady. Andrew and I, my husband and I have this concept that we call mood transferring where one person might be in a crabby mood, right? And the other person's just minding their own business at home and it's all being emoted through huffs and puffs around the house and even though you might not be articulating what is going on if you're the crabby one, suddenly the other person's like, what's up? What is going on? And if it's not really communicated or worked through then suddenly that other person's crabby because you've been crabby around the house. ZAK: Right. Crab soup. AMY: Yeah, and then also maybe you do articulate what's going on with you and you do burden them with all the emotions that you're feeling and you're like, whoa, I feel so much better and now they're walking around with it. And then they might have it for the next day or two and it just kind of goes back and forth with this mood transferring and I've found that it's not necessary to do that...to always put these emotions on someone else or put it in a space where it doesn't need to be. So, I've let myself find time, especially during the pandemic to just be alone and feel things through. So, like I'll go for a run or go for a long walk and just let those tears come. If it's something that's coming up that's making me sad. But I find that in doing that I'm able to function in a more balanced way. It's like, I can modulate my personality a little bit more appropriately where it's necessary. It's been really helpful during this time to just let myself feel all those feelings through. There's also clarity that emerges after a session of feeling through whatever I'm going through. ZAK: But I don't think it's always a burden to dump stuff or express to your partner or your friend what you're going through. So how do you distinguish when you want to modulate and do it on your own and when you want to share it with someone and kind of off-load to someone you trust? AMY: Yeah, I think in these moments where we're home with our loved ones so much, I think it starts to emerge when it's necessary and when it's not. Like, something might be coming up for me my partner's clearly in a different headspace. I don't necessarily need to shift the whole perspective of what's happening at home for this one thing that's coming up for me. And also, by knowing that I will allow myself a time later with it, I can also hold it and deal it with later and not make it a as it's coming, burdening. But of course, yes, I think also in going through some emotions on my own, when I do want to talk about something with my partner it can be a much more clear conversation. ZAK: We've been watching a lot of Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood in our house. And Amy's advice reminded me of one of my favorite songs from that show. It's called, There Are So Many Feelings. It goes like this...(singing)... There are so many feelings for you to know So many feelings like colors in the rainbow Be happy with a smile Or sad with a frown So many feelings ZAK: If you have some advice for me, I would love to hear it. Give me a call on the hotline at 844-935-BEST. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lainey is 7 years-old and a motivational speaker based in Michigan. To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST TRANSCRIPT: ZAK: My niece has been getting really into cooking. And the other day she made something she was really proud of. LAINEY: A whole chicken. Like, it's not just chicken thighs or chicken nuggets. It's an entire chicken without the head. ZAK: Right, the full chicken, minus the head. Yeah. Can you describe what you had to do to make it? LAINEY: You need to take the giblets out of the chicken which is basically the insides of it. And you take some salt and you take some pepper and you put it over it. And then you can put some cut-up onions and carrots around it and then you can put some oil or butter on top. And then you just cook it for 70-minutes and that's literally all you do. ZAK: What temperature did you do it on? LAINEY: 400 degrees. ZAK: Lainey's not here just to talk about chicken. She just sees cooking something kinda complex as a metaphor. ZAK: With the chicken recipe you thought that it was gonna really difficult. LAINEY: Yeah, we were about to make it and I kind of just was tired and I wanted to watch a show cause it was after school and then I did it and it was super fun and we ended up making a great meal and I just thought I should let everybody know this good tip. ZAK: What do you think it is about us humans where we think about a task and we get so overwhelmed by it that we don't even try it? LAINEY: Um, I think maybe you might even be tired. You probably are thinking in your head, I can't do that. If you just think about it and get it over with it could actually end up being super fun. ZAK: Right, like, so often we feel like, I'm too tired to do this but once we actually do the thing it gives us this renewed burst of energy, huh? LAINEY: Uh huh. LAINEY: My name is Lainey. I am 7 years-old. Uncle Zak? ZAK: Yeah? LAINEY: I have a question. Should I say I'm 8 years-old just in case you post this during April? ZAK: No, I'm gonna post it before. LAINEY: Alright, great! I'm 7 years-old. ZAK: Thanks for listening to another edition of Food Friday on The Best Advice Show. Is there a young person in your life who might want to offer some advice? I would love to hear it. I'd also love to hear your advice as always. As always, give me a call on the hotline at 844-935-BEST. If you're enjoying this show please consider sharing it with your friends and family. And also, leave a rating or review wherever you listen to podcasts. Talk to you soon. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Aaron Lammer (@aaronlammer) is co-host of the Longform Podcast. To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST TRANSCRIPT: ZAK: I love a good question. When I listen to interviews or watch them or read them for that matter, I'm often more impressed with a move the interviewer makes than with the answer given in response. One of my favorite interviewers is Aaron Lammer. He co-hosts a podcast called Longform where he interviews writers. His questions often surprise me and therefore his interviews go in places I'm never expecting. AARON: My advice about interviewing...I heard an interview I think on Marc Maron with Seth Rogan and he was talking about how they would prepare for the Ali G show. He was a writer on the Ali G show and he was like, we don't know what's gonna happen in one of these but there's only so many possible ways these can go and I'm just gonna play out a bunch of scenarios and we're gonna write jokes where if it goes this way...we're gonna write hundreds of jokes. They're not all gonna happen but he's gonna be armed with a bunch of these sort of forking path, choose your own adventure style. AARON: So my advice about interviewing is to kind of pre-visualize a conversation that way. Less like a list of questions and more like a forking tree of possibilities and themes. That kind of gives you the power to, like, steer the conversation but not steer the conversation too much. You're giving yourself enough forks that it can go a variety of ways and you can still have some degree of, like, preparation. And people actually...there aren't that many possibilities, even to a wide-open scenario, short of just walking in and being like, hey, what do you want to do talk about, you kind of know some places a conversation can go and I found that much more helpful than having way too many questions which is what I did as an interviewer when I was starting...was like, I'll just prepare by having hundreds and hundreds of questions and then, of course, it doesn't land on those questions or you can't side-track your brain quickly enough to pick up on them. The thing I like about the forking tree is that you don't have to refer back. You're always moving forward. If you pass a point, if you pass a question, well of course that was gonna happen, you couldn't possibly take all the forks of the tree. ZAK: Thank you for listening to my interview with an interviewer about interviewing. Aaron Lammer is co-host of the Longform podcast. If you have some advice for me, I always want to hear it. Call me on the hotline at 844-935-BEST and as always, if you're enjoying this show, please leave a rating or review wherever you listen to podcasts. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Gretchen Rubin is the author of The Happiness Project, Happier at Home, Better Than Before, The Four Tendencies & Outer Order, Inner Calm. Her podcast is Happier with Gretchen Rubin. --- Doing Without Delay with Gretchen Rubin - https://bestadvice.show/episodes/202083_doing-without-delay-with-gretchen-rubin/ Living the Bigger Life with Gretchen Rubin - https://bestadvice.show/episodes/2020928_living-the-bigger-life-with-gretchen-rubin/ --- To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST TRANSCRIPT: ZAK: Before Gretchen Rubin was a best-selling author on the subject of happiness and habits and human nature, she was a lawyer. And not just any lawyer. She graduated from Yale Law School and went on to clerk for supreme court justice Sandra Day O'Connor. GRETCHEN: And what I realized about the Supreme Court is I was surrounded by people who loved law. They were reading law journals for fun. They wanted to talk about cases at happy hour, during lunch hour, you know, any chance they got they just loved it and I thought I want to do an excellent for Justice O'Connor, I want to do the best job I possible can but I don't want to spend one extra minute on this than I have to and I thought, in the end I can't keep up with these people who honestly love it. ZAK: And that leads to her advice for today. GRETCHEN: One of the challenges of our lives is to know ourselves and you would think, it's so easy to know myself. I just hang out with myself all day long but it can be hard to be truthful with ourselves and really see what's in the mirror and so sometimes it's helpful to think about questions that get at the truth indirectly and I think an indirect question that's very helpful is whom do I envy? Envy is a very unpleasant emotion. We often don't want to admit to ourselves or to other people that we do feel envy but it's a very helpful emotion because what it's show us is that somebody has something that we wish we had for ourselves and that's a very, very useful thing to know. And in my case I remember reading...you know how you get those alumni magazines from your college? And I was reading about all the different people in my class and I noticed some people had really interesting law jobs and I was like, uhhhh, that sounds great. And then some people had really interesting writing jobs and I was sick with envy. And I thought, well, I should learn something from that because those are the people that I envy. They're the ones that have something that I wish that I had myself. ZAK: So next time you're banging your head against the wall, thinking to yourself, what do I actually want to do in this life? Maybe a better question or a more helpful question in that moment, is whom do I envy? So good. Thank you, Gretchen Rubin. ZAK: This is the third episode Gretchen has been on. The first two I got great feedback about. You should check them out. I put the links in our show notes. But here's an excerpt from Gretchen's episode called Doing Without Delay. GRETCHEN: Anything you can do in less than a minute, do without delay. If you can hang up your coat instead of throwinG it over the chair. If you can put a document back in the folder. If you can put a dish in the dishwasher, go ahead and do without delay and what this does is it gets rid of this scum of clutter on the surface of everyday life. And for most people outer order does contribute to inner calm and this is a way that you can create more outer order without spending a lot of time or energy dealing with it. You just do it as you go. ZAK: If you have some advice, I would love to hear it. Give me a call on the hotline at 844-935-BEST. And if you want more Gretchen Rubin you should check out her podcast. It's called Happier. She hosts it with her sister, Liz Craft. It's so good. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Brody is 11 years-old. To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST TRANSCRIPT: ZAK: Are you overwhelmed by the sheer amount of stuff you've collected over the course of your life? Do you want to start getting rid of it but don't know how? Well, today I've got some advice for you. Ok, nephew Brody. It's mid-January and you guys have been doing something kind of interesting this month. BRODY: Yeah, so, for this month everyday we have been trying to give away things. So for the first day, we gave away one thing. Second day, we gave away two things and just started to add up and this is called minimalism and it is just, like, the idea of the less you have the happier you are. So we're testing it out seeing if it works. ZAK: Like, on the first of the month you gave away one thing. The second day of the month, two things and so forth until you get to the end of January, where by the end you're giving away like 30 things, huh? So does it work, this idea of the more you give away the happier you are? BRODY: Yeah, I think so. So far it's working and I'm happy! ZAK: Whoa, it's pouring hale out here if you hear that, people. How do you figure out what you want to save and what you want to give away? BRODY: The things that I want to save are the things that bring happiness to me. They bring joy. Stuff that I use a lot. And just stuff that I don't want to keep are the things I might use once every year or something. But they're just those small things that don't really make a difference. It's not like you have to go until the last day. You can stop on the 20th if you had to give away one more thing it would be something that brings joy to you. ZAK: Oh, I see. So, when you get to the point where the only things left to give away are things that bring joy to you, that's when you know that you're done. BRODY: That's kind of the goal. ZAK: Oh, that's cool. I love that. And what was this exercise inspired by? BRODY: My dad watched a documentary and he just told me the idea so we tested it out. ZAK: Great. BRODY: I'm Brody Maddin. I am 11 years-old and I'm from Michigan. ZAK: What I like about this form of purging is that it kind of turns it into a game. Sounds fun to me. Brody's sister gave some advice on this show. It was the second episode we ever did. It's called Working Hard with Lainey. Here's an excerpt. LAINEY: Because when you finish the thing that you were working hard for, you really feel good that you accomplished it and that you're done with that thing so you can start working hard on another thing. ZAK: Our entire archive of nearly 200 advice episodes is available for you to listen to wherever you listen to podcasts or at BestAdvice.Show. And if you have some advice for me, I'd love to hear it. Give me a call on the hotline at 844-935-BEST. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Martin Luther King Jr. wrote a column for Ebony magazine from 1957-1958 called "Advice for Living." You can read all of them at The Martin Luther King, Jr Research and Education Institute. https://kinginstitute.stanford.edu/encyclopedia/advice-living Julia Putnam is one of the co-founders of the James and Grace Lee Boggs School. TRANSCRIPT: ZAK: I didn't learn this until the other day, but Martin Luther King Jr. Was an advice columnist for Ebony magazine. Starting in 1957 he wrote monthly answering reader's questions. He was still in his late twenties at the time. I hope that today you're thinking about King or reading about him, maybe listening to his speeches. But right now I want to share some advice from him because this is an advice show. I'm going to read you a question from an Ebony reader and then reading King's answer is my friend.. JULIA: My name is Julia Putnam. I'm a lifelong Detroiter and I am one of the co-founders of the James and Grace Lee Boggs School. ZAK: Did you know that Martin Luther King was an advice columnist? JULIA: I did not know that. ZAK: So he was asked to start it in 1957 and so I was just thinking about the historical context and reading about it. 1956, he spends, uh, on the Montgomery Bus Boycott. And then in early '57, he co-founded the Southern Christian Leadership Conference. And then he's like, yeah, I'll write a column for you Ebony. Like he's taking on a lot. JULIA: Well that makes sense. Right. There was a lot to do. ZAK: Yeah. And he's in his late twenties at the time. JULIA: That's really interesting. ZAK: So he wrote it only for, I think like he did 15 issues, 15 monthly issues because he was stabbed and almost killed in '58. And his doctor's like, uh, Martin, maybe you should like, you know, relinquish some of your commitments. JULIA: Yeah, do less. ZAK: So this is from Martin Luther King Jr's advice column that he wrote in Ebony magazine. And this question and answer that we're going to go over is from that first issue. Is love really the solution to the race problem? Are there not times when a man must stand up and fight fire with fire? I will grant that love, as Jesus lived it, is the ultimate ideal. But it seems to me preachers ought to be honest and tell folks if they live by the turn-the-other-cheek doctrine, the sharp boys out here in this cold world will strip them and boil them in oil. Why don’t you preachers admit that love, in the highest sense of the word, is impractical in the world of today? JULIA: King writes...I am convinced that love is the most durable power in the world. It is not an expression of impractical idealism; but of practical realism. Far from being the pious injunction of a Utopian dreamer, love is an absolute necessity for the survival of our civilization. To return hate for hate does nothing but intensify the existence of evil in the universe. Someone must have sense enough and religion enough to cut off the chain of hate and evil, and this can only be done through love. Moreover, love is creative and redemptive. Love builds up and unites; hate tears down and destroys. The aftermath of the “fight fire with fire” method which you suggest is bitterness and chaos; the aftermath of the love method is reconciliation and the creation of the beloved community. Physical force can repress, restrain, coerce, destroy, but it cannot create and organize anything permanent; only love can do that. Yes love—which means understanding, creative, redemptive goodwill, even for one’s enemies—is the solution to the race problem. Often love is crucified and buried in a grave, but in the long run it rises up and redeems even that which crucifies it. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Abra Berens (@abraberens) is a chef, former farmer, and writer. Her book is Ruffage: A Practical Guide to Vegetables To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST TRANSCRIPT: ABRA: My name is Abra Berens and I am a chef and cookbook author based in Three Oaks, Michigan. ZAK: Abra was last on the show to talk about holiday cooking. She's here today for another edition of Food Friday to advice us on how to save time, save money and not waste people's work. ABRA: Food waste is something I feel very passionately about because I have spent time farming and also in restaurant kitchens where margins are notoriously very slim. But, it's more the farming side which is that I think it is, and I don't use this word lightly, but I think it's a sin to waste food unnecessarily because you're wasting someone's work and you're wasting a ton of resources. You know, the fertility that is pulled from the soil into those vegetable or into those animals just to get thrown away is, is really a shame and so my biggest advice for how to not waste food is don't go to the store. You have something in your house that you can eat and so if you just, like, don't know what's in your kitchen or what's in your pantry just don't go to the store and go home and look around and I'm sure you can make something. And I think that that is the best way to not have food waste. Just don't go to the store. And then you'll have something and then you won't waste it cause it's not sitting in the back of your fridge. ZAK: That's great. I feel like I've had barley that I've been thinking about using for quite some time. What's your favorite thing to do with barley? ABRA: Uh, my favorite thing to do with barley is like a barley risotto where you just cook it, adding the liquid a little bit at a time and then it gets really creamy and then you just put a big, weird vegetable salad on top and if you're a meat-eater or a fish-eater that would go great with it but also you don't really need it. And the other thing about grains is that all of them have some form of protein. I think in this country we're really obsessed with the amount of protein we eat and each one has some form of protein and so they really often are complete meals and they're usually very filling. ZAK: I'm gonna make that barley risotto. Sounds delicious. Thank you Abra Berens. Abra has a book out. It's called Ruffage: A Practical Guide to Vegetables. If you have some Food Friday advice for me, as always I would love to hear it. Give me a call on the hotline at 844-935-BEST. And if this show is doing something good for you, I would love it if you shared it with your family and friends or wrote me a rating or review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to pods. Thank you so much. Talk to you soon. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Will Moore (@mooremomentum) is an entrepreneur, speaker, life coach, and happiness expert. To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST TRANSCRIPT: ZAK: It might surprise you, considering I make this show, but I'm kinda cynical about self-help literature. One of the more well-known titles in that genre has got to be Dale Carnegie's, How to Win Friends and Influence People. I admit it, I've actually never read it, but just the title has always rubbed me the wrong way. But not Will Moore. It's one of his favorite books. WILL: So, How to Win Friends and Influence people, if I could sum that book up one sentence, it's make other people feel important. ZAK: And how do you do that? WILL: If you look at every interaction as an opportunity to potentially build a friendship, an alliance, you never know what can come out of something. And looking at things that way versus being on your phone, looking down when you're walking past people in the office or, you know, focusing on yourself when you're talking to people and not asking questions and not making eye contact, not smiling, not making the other person feel important. You know, going back to Dale Carnegie, knowing little details like, ok, you have a daughter that's three. You're about to have another kid, next time I talk to you, hey, did you have that kid? How's it going? Little things like that, then that other person goes, oh wow, I like this person and they want to do the same and before you know it you've developed a friendship, an alliance, and you're literally helping each other build goals and its become an opportunity with that person. ZAK: My cynical nature thinks, you know, especially with the book like, How to Win Friends and Influence people, it's like, you're doing these things, you're listening to people, you're taking interest in them not because you genuinely care but because you have this ulterior motive of gaining influence so how you establish a phony filter for yourself? WILL: That's a really question. So, I actually believe in fake it till you make it. At first, there's gonna be, like this doesn't feel natural. This doesn't feel right. Because you've been locked in your own brain and you've been this victim for so long and to all of a sudden start asking people questions and be interested, you're not really interested at first, right? So let me get that clear. You're forcing yourself to be, but here's what's gonna happen and this is exactly what happened with me. Meanwhile, when I first started doing it in the back of my mind I'm thinking, ok, I'm doing what I'm supposed to. I'm asking them questions and stuff. But then something magical starts to happen. It actually starts to happen and then you're asking them questions, you see the smile on their face. You see their reaction. They start asking you questions and then you genuinely become more interested in these people and it kind of builds its own momentum and then it's a relationship and it's a friendship and when we have these friendships we care about our friends, right? My name is William Moore. Just somebody who...I'm a momentum builder. I'm helping people to build momentum via habits to help ensure that they become the best version of themselves which will, I hope, in turn help the world become the best version of itself. ZAK: You can find Will on Instagram at MooreMomentum. You can also find us at BestAdviceShow. Thanks so much for listening and as always I would love to hear from you. Give me call on the hotline and tell me your advice. 844-935-BEST. And if you are enjoying my show, please leave a rating and/or review wherever you listen to podcasts. Thanks. Bye/ Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dr. Celeste Holbrook (@drcelesteholbrook) is a sexologist, speaker and author based in Texas. You can get on her calendar for a complimentary 30 minute discovery call at her website. To offer your own sex and relationship advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST! TRANSCRIPT: CELESTE: My name is Dr. Celeste Holbrook and I am a sexologist. The question I get asked the most is how much sex should we be having and I never give a number. Because the amount of sex you should be having is the amount of sex that you and your partner can agree on is healthy and pleasurable for the both of you. And so for some clients that's ABC sex, like anniversary, birthday, Christmas and for other clients it's a lot more than that. So, whatever works for the two of you is what works. ZAK: Yeah, how do you suggest couples where...couples deal with the reality where one of them wants to have sex a lot more than they other. CELESTE: So, sex is always a negotiation. We have to remember that there are no two people on earth who want to have sex at the same time, in the same way with the same amount of enthusiasm. That's pretty rare. And so it ok that one of you wants to have sex more than the other one. It's about communicating and figuring out what frequency works for both of us. And it is a negotiation. It's going to have to be. But the more that you can focus more on making the sex quality, the less quantity matters as much. It still matters. But it doesn't matter as much when you work on having really good quality sex. ZAK: And what does that take? CELESTE: Communication. Intentionally. Anticipation. And negotiation. Again, it's always negotiation of what feels good to you? Let's do that for awhile. What feels good to you? Let's do this for awhile. And then this feels good for both of us. You know? ZAK: Valentine's Day is coming up. And whether or not you celebrate that holiday. Whether you're with someone or you're not...I'm putting together a week's worth of advice leading up to that day which is February, 14th. Very excited about that. I'm also excited that I got a lot more advice from Dr. Celeste Holbrook so you'll be hearing a lot more from her. Also, I want to hear your sex and relationship advice...advice about being single...being together. Give me a call on the hotline 844-935-BEST. Talk to you soon. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Kevin Smokler is Co-Director of the documentary film, Vinyl Nation and author of three books about pop culture, including most recently Brat Pack America: A Love Letter to ’80s Teen Movies. His essays and cultural criticism have appeared in the LA Times, Salon, Fast Company, BuzzFeed, Vulture, The San Francisco Chronicle, The Decider and on National Public Radio. To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST TRANSCRIPT: ZAK: For way too long, like a couple years, my wife and I have been planning to sit down and make a household budget. I don't think it's gonna be that hard but I've psyched myself out of it and at this point I don't really know what we're waiting for. So, if you're like me or today's guest, you might get overwhelmed by tasks that aren't that hard so hopefully this advice is gonna help you out. KEVIN: My advice is about energy. How to spend it and how not to waste it. I am, for the most part, terrible at spending energy wisely. I have a tendency to be easily overwhelmed by things that shouldn't easily overwhelm anybody. ZAK: Like what? KEVIN: Like, I find paying bills really overwhelming. Like, even bills that are not unreasonably high or onerous to pay. I find fixing things really onerous. Even if it's like something I've fixed a thousand times like a burnt out lightbulb. It doesn't make any sense. Not from the outside at least. And what I have learned in making a movie which is a kind of creative and professional pursuit I had never done before is that there are different kinds of energies for different kinds of tasks. Energy meets the task the same way like a key meets a lock. And as such, you can change the amount of energy you spend on something based on what it is and finding that match means that you're not wasting energy or unaware of how to spend it to get that thing done. I find most of the anxiety around that comes from that mismatch of believing something is going to require a lot of energy when it's not. I'm only at the point where I've realized this is the thing I have to do. I'm not at the point of doing it well yet. ZAK: Yeah, well that's my favorite kind of advice on this show. It could be called, like, This Is Something I'm Working on rather than The Best Advice Show. There's more humility to it. And so how do you then in the moment or at the beginning of the day recalibrate and reorient the energy levels with which you're gonna have to distribute to various tasks? KEVIN: On a really successful today and it's typically when I get up early enough to convince myself I have time, I'll write out everything I have to do that day and then when I get to it, I'll write out the pieces that have to be done and if I don't do that which, that happens pretty rarely...If I don't do that what I'll do is when I approach something that seems insurmountable, I'll say to myself, have I done this before? Have I done a version of successfully before? Well, ok, then there's probably a fossil record of doing it successfully before somewhere. Either it's an email I've written before or it's a task I've performed before and then you just take 30-seconds and say, ok, well, I did this once. It worked. How did I do it? And then repeat and adjust...maybe you have a to adjust a few things here or there so the amount of new energy you have to spend on that thing is not that big. It's really mostly a version of something you've done before. I'm Kevin Smoker. I'm the Co-director of a new documentary called, Vnyl Nation. Which is a documentary exploration of the come back of vinyl records available at VinylNationFilm.com. In my day job I write books about pop culture. ZAK: Ok, I want you hold me accountable. This week, we're gonna do the budget and it's not gonna be overwhelming. We can handle. Thank you Kevin Smokler for helping me realize that. You've been listening The Best Advice Show and I want your advice. Give me a call on the hotline at 844-935-BEST. Thank you so much, I'll talk to you soon. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Amy Shira Teitel is a space flight historian, author, YouTuber, public speaker and occasional TV personality. Her book is Fighting For Space. To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST TRANSCRIPT: ZAK: Today's advice comes in the form of the life-story of a woman born in 1905 in the Florida panhandle. Bessie Pitman grew up poor. She became a teenage mom. And she lost her son in a house fire when he was just 5 years old. AMY: And didn't get along with the rest of her family. And when she was 23, she up and moved to New York City. She was a beautician by training at this point, took on a new name and just completely reinvented herself. ZAK: Bessie Pittman became Jackie Cochran. Her goal early on was to create her own line of cosmetics and sell it around the country. She learned she could cover a lot more ground as a traveling saleswoman if she learned to fly. She earned her pilot's license in 3 short weeks. She fell in love with flying and abandoned her cosmetics career for a life in the air. AMY: As a pilot she wanted to be the best and the fastest and her goal was the Bendix Race which was the preeminent race in the country at the time and she did it in 1938. So then what was next? Well she ended up leading the Woman's Air-force Service Pilots or the WASPS in the Second World War, leading the first all-female flying squadron and after the war learned to fly a jet, became the first woman to really train as a test pilot and and the first woman to break the sound barrier in 1953. ZAK: Cochran continued to create new goals for herself and push herself toward them. AMY: The kind of takeaway there is if you hit a goal, don't get complacent and stay on that plateau, just you know, oh I did it! So what's the next step and continually pushing...she kept pushing herself to the next one. That's just a level of inspiration, I think, you can apply to anything is, if you hit a goal, find the next goal. I 'm Amy Shira Teitel. I am a space flight historian, author, YouTuber, public speaker and occasional TV personality. ZAK: Amy's book is called Fighting For Space. It chronicles Jackie Cochran'e story as well as that of Jerrie Cobb. It's available wherever you get books. You can find a picture of Jackie Cochran on The Best Advice Show Instagram page. And if you know some advice that comes out of someone's adversity that you've read about or maybe your own, I would love to hear about it. Give me a call on the hotline at 844-935-BEST. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Savitha Viswanathan is a designer, illustrator and founder of Mothertongue Foods. Mothertongue Foods - https://www.savithadesign.com/greatergoodmt Regional Mirepoix- https://www.thekitchn.com/make-it-your-way-with-regional-mirapoix-178908 To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST TRANSCRIPTS ZAK: Today on Food Friday, you're gonna become a better cook. SAVITHA: Hi Zak. My name is Savitha Viswanathan and my Food Friday good advice is how to make Indian mirepoix. For people who like to cook Indian food or would like to try cooking Indian food, it's a great shortcut and before I start cooking any Indian dish, I make batch. Mirepoix term for chopped celery, carrots and onions. And it's used as a base in a lot of dishes. And my Indian style mirepoix has four ingredients, onions, garlic, ginger and green chile. I use these ingredients in just about any dish I cook from vegetable curries to meat dishes to spiced-lentils. To make a batch I chop one onion, four cloves of garlic, two inches of green chili and two inches of fresh ginger. You can make double and triple batches and keep them in the fridge and use as needed. It's really helpful when you're trying to cut back on time but don't want to cut back on flavor. ZAK: Savitha is a designer and illustrator and founder of the project, Mothertounge Foods. I put a link to her site in our show notes. There's also a picture on our Instagram of Savitha and her 13 year old son, Naveen. He helped her comes up with her advice on today's show. Thank you, Naveen! Lastly, I put another link in our show notes from the website, The Kitchn about regional mirepoix from around the world. If you're enjoying a show leave a rating or review on Apple Podcasts. I really appreciate it. I'll talk to you soon. Bye. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Holly Wren Spaulding (hollywrens) is a writer, educator, interdisciplinary artist and author of ‘Familiars’ and other books and the founder of Poetry Forge. To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST TRANSCRIPT: ZAK: Whether you have five minutes or five hours, today's advice is to create your own autonomous zone. HOLLY: In other words, to have free spaces in your life free of other people, free of the profit motive, you know the pressure to be earning a living during that time. Free of interruption. Free of social media. Free of duties and obligations that impinge on, for one thing, the imagination. And the way in which this is practiced in my life most diligently is in the morning hours from 7-10 am, I treat as sacrosanct. There's no appointments, no e-mail, no social media, no interaction family members. That's my writing time. ZAK: Do you think for people that don't have a creative practice, there's value in creating these autonomous zones? HOLLY: Absolutely. And that's why I think it is, at its core to me it's about a couple of different things. It is about practicing being free. Like, who am I and what do I care about when I'm not sort of being...sort of bounced from obligation to obligation or duty to duty. My life is not free of those things. Yours isn't. They exist. I think of this time as helping me be more well-resourced for when I do have to go engage with the drudgery or make a living or whatever it is. But this idea that we can get to know ourselves in that free space...have a secret life...like a life that doesn't belong to anyone else that we don't easily give up. And that's a big deal I think. And then also to find out, like, there's something arising in me, maybe, that is as interesting or compelling as what's happening in the outside world. So, like, what is putting pressure on your imagination? What is stealing your time? What is costing you greatly in terms of your, you know, the bandwidth you have to make whatever you want to make? It is frequently the allure of what's happening in the outside world. ZAK: Holly Wren Spaulding is a poet and writer. HOLLY: And I'm the Director of Poetry Forge where I work with writers and artists in a teaching capacity. ZAK: How are fortifying yourself? Please let me know by calling the advice hotline at 844-935-BEST and if you can think of someone in your life who might be enlivened by this idea of creating their autonomous zone, maybe you can send this episode to them. You can do that at BestAdvice.Show or just sending them to the show wherever you listen to podcasts. Thanks. Talk to you soon. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

David Plotz is the CEO of City Cast and co-host of the Slate Political Gabfest Podcast. To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST TRANSCRIPT: ZAK: The art of saying no. It's something we've talked about on this show before, but not like this. DAVID: There's a whole category of invitation that one gets, or one used to get, used to get back in the days when there was invitations and things to do. But there will be invitations and things to do in the future. And there were invitations to do something so far off in the future that it was like, you couldn't even imagine it. You couldn't even conceive that that future would ever come and so you'd get an invitation, like, go to this party or have dinner with this person or appear on this panel. And it's months and months out and your natural assumption is, oh, it's so far away...yeah, that's fine, I'll plan for it, it will be great. I've got a great piece of advice which is, whenever you get an invitation for something that's more than 48-hours away, you ask yourself, would I do it tomorrow. Not would I do it in a hypothetical tomorrow. Look at your actual schedule for tomorrow and be like, if I realized I had to do this tomorrow, would I want to do it and if you want to do it, if you imagine, like, oh yeah, I would do it because tomorrow I have to drop the kids off at football practice and then I have a little space...yeah, it would be fun. That would be fun. Then you can accept it but if you're like, you know, actually, I don't relish the prospect of doing this tomorrow then don't accept it. ZAK: And have you experienced any subsequent FOMO from saying no? DAVID: I cannot think of a thing about which I've experienced FOMO. I literally cannot think of anything like that. I'm trying to imagine if there's anything like that. No. No. There was a trip to...maybe there was some trip somewhere which I once said no to and then I had slight, tiny tinge of regret but I can't even remember what it is so it can't have been that much regret. No. I'm David Plotz and I'm the CEO of City Cast which is gonna be a network of daily, local podcasts in cities around the country. And I'm the also the co-host of the Slate Political Gabfest Podcast. ZAK: Full disclosure, City Cast is funded by Graham Holdings. They are the parent company of the company I work for, Graham Media. Just so you know. Thanks for listening today to The Best Advice Show. I want to hear your advice. What is it? Give me a call on the hotline at 844-935-BEST. I hope that the start of your year is going ok and that this show is helping in some small way. Bye. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jordan Brown is an educator and creator living in Sacramento, California. He makes music here - https://soundcloud.com/doinsomethin -- Stupid Taxing with Jordan Brown (a different Jordan Brown) - https://bestadvice.show/episodes/2020528_stupid-taxing-with-jb/ TRANSCRIPT: JORDAN: What's up, Zak. My name is Jordan Brown. I'm an educator, traveler, creator. I live in Sacramento, California. My advice is, when listened to music always check the liner notes. Always read the liner notes. When you're listening to records or CDs, look on the back of them and see who played on the songs, right? There can be producers, musicians, engineers and even people in the studio at the time that have added to this album. Some liner notes go into detail about how the album was made and who was involved, right? And if you're listening to new, digital music. Spotify or Tidal or Apple or something like that, you can usually click around the song to find the credits of that song and you can see who the performer, the producer, or maybe the original writer or engineer were on that track. And then the best thing about this part is that gives you a whole new knowledge base of musicians to choose from. You know, I love to find the bass player on one album and then realize, like, that bass player has another album of their own or that keyboard player is part of a group. It's just dope, right? Um, and this advice has helped me become a better researcher. As a kid I would dig for records and look for different artists, and get curious about who was creating that album. I think that practice of digging in the crates, it helped me become a seeker of knowledge. And knowing that there's always something out there. There's always someone creating something or something like that. I don't know. It just kind of brought me to this wanting to learn more and I think that's why I love hip-hop. Cause it's always bringing knowledge into action. You think of the phrase, hip-hop. Hip is being knowledgeable and hop is using that action. So, check out the liner notes next time you listen to music. ZAK: Why did I give all my CDs away? Jordan Brown also makes his own music. I put a link to his Soundcloud page in our show notes. He is the second Jordan Brown to contribute to The Best Advice Show. The other Jordan Brown gave some advice early in the show's run, it's called Stupid Taxing. I also put a link to that in our show notes. You've been listening to The Best Advice Show. And I would love for you to call the hotline like Jordan Brown did. The number is 844-935-BEST. What's your advice? Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Marlee Grace is a dancer, writer, quilter, community radio show host and author of Getting To Center. To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST TRANSCRIPT: ZAK: Happy New Year, friend. Welcome back to The Best Advice Show. I know January is a time when a lot of us are making resolutions and trying to...be better. But it's not a sprint. It's a marathon. So, what I'm trying to say is don't put too much pressure on yourself to get it all in this month during resolution rush-hour. I wanted to start the year off with some advice which I think is pretty universally relevant. MARLEE: My name is Marlee Grace and I'm a dancer and a writer and community radio show host. ZAK: The advice Marlee is gonna share today is something that lately, she's been keeping directly in-front of her on a sticky note. MARLEE: I'll show it to you. It's written on my wall. I have this phrase I've been using that's borrowed from a 12-step program which is, Put Down the Think. I really, kind of, get physical around it too. I'll kind of put my hand to my head and extract with my fingers to be, like, everything is ok today. Moving on. ZAK: Just to clarify. Marlee will take her fingers to her forehead and gently lift upwards, stroking her bangs. MARLEE: It's the dancer in me. I have to be physical. It's my only understanding of...it's my only way to integrate. I have to move it from my brain to my heart-space. ZAK: So when you're trying to extract the thoughts, what are you trying to take out? MARLEE: When something becomes obsessive. Like, I like thinking. I like a lot of my thoughts. But when it starts to get beyond today. It's like a future tripping of well what's gonna happen if this happens? What's gonna happen if we ever have to move? What's gonna happen if we break up? What's gonna happen if our neighbor breaks up? Like, just when it starts to get...it's like when you're scrolling and all of a sudden you're looking at Kim Kardashian's cousin's Instagram and you're like, how did I get here? Like, the trail is so, so long so it's like that's what I'm trying to put down and just like a little bit of Be Here Now, if you will. ZAK: Sure. And if you could describe your mental state the moment after extraction. MARLEE: Hmmmm. You know, I think it goes between fear and relief. I think that if I think all the possible endings, I will be less effected when one of them happens. So, I think I'm protecting myself by going through all worst cases scenarios. I'm like, well if I know all worst case scenarios, when they inevitably happen i'll be better off. And so sometimes putting down those thoughts is scary because I have to actually commit to being in the unknown. I have to commit to not knowing. And then once I'm past that it's like, what a gift. It's the best feeling in the world to have no idea what's gonna happen today. ZAK: Put down the think. I know it's so much easier said than done by I think that physicalizing it the way Marlee does, with her hand to her forehead kind of extracting outward...I think that's a very helpful way to think about it. Marlee's latest book is called, Getting to Center. I've linked to it in our show notes. If you know of someone in your life who might benefit from today's advice, please consider sending them this episode. And as always you can call me and give me your advice. I'm really anxious to hear it. Not anxious, excited. 844-935-BEST. That's 844-935-BEST. Thank you so much. I'll talk to you soon. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sara Brooke Curtis is a writer, artist and radio-maker living in Massachusetts. To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST TRANSCRIPT: ZAK: This is episode 178 of The Best Advice Show and it's gonna be the final episode of the year. I will be back with fresh episodes on Monday, January 4th, 2021. Before I go, though, I'm going to share a piece of advice slash creative praxis specifically designed for the end of the year. First though, I just want to thank you for listening. If you've given me your advice this year, thank you.. If you've shared the show with a friend, thank you! If you've put into practice something you heard on the show, wow. that is so cool! Making the show has been a balm for me in what has been the most challenging year of my life. Probably yours too. So I hope its been helpful for you. Remember, I am constantly on the prowl for new advice. Call me on the hotline to share at 844-935-BEST. That's 844-935-BEST. I'm also gonna ask you one last time to please leave a rating or review on Apple Podcasts. That is one way really effective for this show to find new listeners. That's not to say I'm not thrilled with you, my existing listening. Thanks again. Ok, the last piece of advice of the year comes from return contributor , artist, writer, radio-maker, Sara Brook Curtis. SARA: At the end of every year I write a letter to the past year and I basically start out, I'm just like - what was this all about? Who were the people that were key players in my life this year. What types of wine was I interested in drinking? What were the really shitty parts of the year? What sticks out as the most, like, magical part of the year. And I write, well, pre-toddler, I'd write for like, 10-hours. But now I just write for however long I have and I write this long, kind of time to the past year. ZAK: To the year itself? SARA: To the year itself. Like, it's sort of a time to take stock for me in this very tangible amount of time of, what did I actually do and who was in my life and how did I make meaning out of my life? And then at the end of the reflecting on the year, I do a bit of, like, hello to the next year and then I write, um, you know, what I'm hoping it might be about like who I might want to fold back into my life. Like, what rituals or routines do I want to bring back. What kind of big questions do I have that our big, big questions and then sort of more minuscule questions. And then I put it in an envelope and I seal it up and I write in Sharpie, letter to 2019, or letter to 2018...whatever it is...and then I put it in a box and, yeah, I've been doing that for like, 15-20 years. ZAK: Dear 2020, you got some nerve. You gave me a pandemic this year. But you also gave me a baby. You gave me back pain, but you also gave me so much pleasure. 2020, you're a real son-of-a-bitch, but I still love you. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Asaya Plumly, Jakey Erwin and Jiro Root are members of CareThinc. To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST TRANSCRIPT: ASAYA: Hi Zak, my name is Asaya. ZAK: Asaya called the advice hotline recently to tell me about this thing that he's been experimenting with. ASAYA: I've been not as active in the streets as I would like to be. So I've been trying to put money where I can. But recently I got together with some people in my family so that we're bundling our money together and then we kind of research groups in my area or their area or wherever they are. ZAK: And they figure out which organizations they want to support. Asaya has subsequently set up a group like this with his friends too. I got to to Zoom with them the other day. ASAYA: Zak, are you in Detroit? ZAK: I am. Yep. ZAK: What I love about what Asaya is doing...he calls the group CareThinc, by the way, is that they are fighting their own loneliness and doing some good. ASAYA: So, I reached out to some people that I know and love and care about and would love to be in more consistent contact with. ZAK:That's Asaya. And here's his friend, Jakey, who's part of the group too. JAKEY: Like COVID has placed a lot of challenges on how we find and keep community and I like this idea of just creating another avenue for community that's centered around a concept and centered around an idea of care and centered around, you know, being involved. ZAK: One of the really cool things about this group is when they started, everyone didn't know each other. Asaya was the link, and he was excited to introduce some of his friends to other friends who hadn't met yet. JAKEY: And I've really enjoyed meeting everyone. And I love my friend, Asaya, and I love to meet his friends, so...yeah, it's really fulfilling. ZAK: Another member of the group, Jiro, points out that one of the functions here it to... JIRO: Encourage each other to do something that should actually come naturally to people. ZAK: Today's advice, get together with the people you love. Pool your resources and put them toward something you believe in. That is pretty, pretty, good, Asaya and Co. If you want to see Asaya and Jiro and Jakey and myself trying to touch each other over Zoom, you can see that screenshot at @BestAdviceShow on Instagram. It's really goofy. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Luther Keith is the Executive Director of Arise Detroit! To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST TRANSCRIPT: ZAK: Luther Keith is a connector. He runs a group called, Arise Detroit, which highlights activities and programs you can get involved with. I wanted to check-in with Luther to talk about giving back. ZAK: Especially around holiday time, people want to do something good. But what advice do you have for people to help them sustain the good work that they're doing now...to spread it out, you know, throughout the year? LUTHER: I would say, find some people that you talk to. Maybe you know them from church. Maybe you know them from being on the block. Maybe you both have children in school together, or something like that. Find some people who share your passion, your love for whatever it is you want to do and for how you want to make a difference. To get anything done, I don't care if it's sending a rocket to the moon or building a neighborhood business, you need people, you need a plan and you need action. You gotta get up off of your A-S-S, get a plan together and find people of like mind who share your passion and your vision. ZAK: Tomorrow on the show I'm gonna introduce you to a group of friends who have done just that. They call themselves CareThInk and they've figured out a way to hang out and do some good, all over Zoom. That's tomorrow on The Best Advice Show. If you've been enjoying the show this year, please consider leaving me a rating or reviewing the show on Apple Podcasts. That is a way that other people will discover the show and that will help me keep making the show. Thank you so much. I'll talk to you soon. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week I'm sharing some of your favorite episodes of the year. Today on Food Friday, Salting with Shira. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week I'm sharing some of your favorite episodes of the year. Today, Listening with Sterling. Sound-artist, illustrator and music producer, Sterling Toles, spent the last 12-years (yes, 12 YEARS!) working on an album with the Detroit rapper, Boldy James. Manger on McNichols is out 7/22 on Sector 7-G Recordings. It would be a mistake to skip this masterpiece. https://sector7grecordings.bandcamp.com/album/manger-on-mcnichols Sterling also appears in conversation with the late, great, Philosopher-Queen of Detroit, Grace Lee Boggs, in the new-ish book, A People's Atlas of Detroit. https://www.wsupress.wayne.edu/books/detail/peoples-atlas-detroit Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week I'm sharing some of your favorite episodes of the year. Today, Expecting the Opposite with Sarah May B. Sarah is the host of the podcast, Help Me Be Me. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week I'm sharing some of your favorite episodes of the year. Today, Doing the Dishes with Sam and Hannah + an impassioned rebuttal from Hannah Wolfman-Arent. Don't miss Sam's brother and mother and their amazing advice from earlier in the year! Remembering with Andrew Langberg - https://bestadvice.show/episodes/2020826_remembering-with-andrew-langberg/ Waking Up with Lois Langberg - https://bestadvice.show/episodes/2020106_waking-up-with-lois-langberg/ Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week I'm sharing some of your favorite episodes of the year. Today, Scheduling Your Joy with Nate Mullen. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Teri Turner the founder of No Crumbs Left, regular contributor to Whole30 and editor @thefeedfeed. Give me your food advice by calling the hotline @ 844-935-BEST TRANSCRIPT: ZAK: Cook and food blogger extraordinaire, Teri Turner, is back this week for another episode of Food Friday. And she's here today to talk about how we can transform everyday meals into celebrations, if we want. And one way to do that is to use cloth napkins. TERI: And I mean you can get them at the second hand store. You can go to World Market, you know. I'm not suggesting it's a silk napkin. But, if you use cloth napkins everyday and I did my entire kid's lives, it simply makes a moment of celebration at the dinner table. It just makes you feel special. So whether I'm taking lunch to go or I'm eating here, I always have cloth napkins. It simply makes food taste better. ZAK: And not to mention of course, the environmental impact that you're having. TERI: I love that. The other thing my dad taught us is that when you have beautiful things - when I got married you get beautiful china and silver and all that - so if you have beautiful things, whether they're your grandmothers, wherever you got them from...use them. Don't wait and put them in the cupboard for a day in the future so you don't break it. If you have beautiful things take them out, enjoy them, make a beautiful meal. Celebrate that moment. It's better to break something than to stick it away in the cupboard and never use it. ZAK: Teri Turner is the force behind No Crumbs Left: Inspiration for Everyday Food Made Marvelous. She's got books, a blog, a beautiful Instagram feed. She's a fun follow. This has been yet another episode of Food Friday and guess what, I'm running very low on Food Friday advice. That's why I want you to call the hotline at 844-935-BEST. Give me your food advice. Thank you. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Merrill Garbus is a musician. Her band is Tune-Yards. She put together a collage-y, meditative livestream thing to benefit @EBMC_Oakland, East Bay Meditation Center this Saturday @ 5pm PT / 8pm ET. - ATTEND - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gKbzKawWdTA With @thaogetdownstaydown, @esotericatropical, @DJCecil --- HASTENING SLOWLY w/MERRILL - https://bestadvice.show/episodes/202069_hastening-slowly-with-merrill-garbus--from-tune-yards-/ ---- To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST TRANSCRIPT: MERRILL: I am Merrill Garbus. I have a band called, Tune-Yards. Advice I wish I had taken to heart sooner is to say, I don't know, more often. ZAK: I always think I'm gonna be better at saying, I don't know. But then in the moment when someone's like, Have you heard of bla bla bla. And I'm always like, Yeah, I think so. MERRILL: Me too! Oh yeah. ZAK: It's so hard. It takes some real discipline. MERRILL: It does take discipline. Are you a first-born child? ZAK: No. I have an older sister. MERRILL: So, I'm a first-born child and I always blame it on that but apparently it's not that but the sense that I should be the one who's in the know all the time, like I'm the boss. The boss has got to know versus, like, so much of the effective leadership I've seen over these years of being alive, always it's a more powerful leader who says, I don't know and I know some people who might and so I'm going to go consult with them. It's always so much more effective. Yeah. ZAK: Yeah, it's such a good one. Do you think there's a practice for training yourself how to say, I don't know? MERRILL: I think that your idea of discipline around it...You know just a daily commitment to saying, I don't know when I actually don't know. Even if I framed my day that way. And for me that also has to do with honesty which has been...rigorous honesty is what they say in the 12-step world...that I'm always in a better place when I'm grounded in honesty cause then I'm not pretending. I'm not holding this reality up. To just say, I actually don't know. There's nothing wrong with it. I think in a lot of worlds it is symbolic of weakness. That if I let go of control of this situation and say, I don't know then who knows where things will go. Even that feels like white supremacy culture, actually. The idea that the leader should know and all should follow the leader, versus the group knows and the knowledge should be sourced from the group. Just even saying it feels so much more powerful, especially given this particular moment in history. ZAK: Yeah, it's just such a relief to say. I. Don't. Know. MERRILL: It is. ZAK: Merrill is a return contributor to the show. Her last episode is called, Hastening Slowly. I linked to that one in our show notes. If you like today's advice, I'd love for you to share it with a family member or friend. Also, if you love this show, please consider leaving a rating or writing a review on Apple Podcasts. It's gonna help other people discover the show. Thank you so much. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know... Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Marc Summerfield is the author of Leadership: Three Key Employee-Centered Elements with Case Studies - https://www.amazon.com/Leadership-Three-Employee-Centered-Elements-Studies/dp/1664130616 To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST TRANSCRIPT: ZAK: Today's advice is about being a good boss. My guest is Marc Summerfield. MARC: I'm a registered pharmacist and I have managed pharmacies in various health settings for over 45-years and recently I retired. ZAK: Based on Marc's decades working as a boss and doing research, he's distilled what he thinks it takes to be effective down to three elements. MARC: Connection. You have to connect with people. Gratitude. You have to make sure they know you appreciate them. And responsiveness. You have to respond to their needs. ZAK: So, we're gonna work our way through these three elements. First one, connection. MARC: Of course, there's a line you can't go over in terms their personal lives but they have to feel that they have a connection with you and that they can talk to you, express their opinions to you and that you'll listen and that you care. ZAK: Ok, now gratitude. MARC: And it doesn't have to be that sophisticated. I once worked for a pharmacist who got in early everyday and as people came in, he thanked them for coming in and for being at work and for participating. And then at the end of the shift, he stood at the door and thanked them each as they exited. And those simple things, people just have such a need to know that their work, their presence, what they contribute is being appreciated. ZAK: And lastly, responsiveness. MARC: Just listening to them and responding to what's called their implicit and explicit needs. Explicit are the ones they express, like I'd like to have a water cooler. I'd like to have a new type of name badge or whatever. And then the other thing is their implicit needs...the ones they don't express but you can figure out what they need in order to do their jobs better because some people just may not realize what they need or may not express them. ZAK: Marc has thought so much about being a boss that he wrote a book about it. It's called Leadership.. I linked to it in our show notes. If you are a boss, I wonder if these principles resonate with you. Regardless, I hope you're being good to your people. This is The Best Advice Show. I would love to hear your advice. Give me a call on the hotline at 844-935-BEST. Talk to you soon. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Eve Boltax (@boltaxcam) is a professional violinist and certified Feldenkrais® practitioner and a graduate of the Boston Feldenkrais Training Program. About Feldenkrais - https://feldenkrais.com/ To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST TRANSCRIPT: ZAK: Today's episode is experiential. EVE: It's hard to express unless you've experienced it but we still try to put words to it. ZAK: Eve Boltax teaches a sensory-motor learning process called, Feldenkrais. EVE: We move so habitually and we don't even think about - we're not conscious - of the ways that we're moving so Feldenkrais is a way to help us find other options and other ways of moving without pain. Without anxiety. So wherever you are, if you can, lie on your back on the floor on something comfortable. Maybe your bed or a mat and just take a moment to notice how you're making contact with the floor. And then if you're on a chair, you can notice how you're making contact with the chair...noticing the parts of you that are supported by whatever you're lying on and then notice the parts that are lifted away, where you're not making contact. Where you are not being supported. And then begin to do a really, really slow movement of rolling your head. A little to the right. A little to the left. And as you do this movement of rolling your head...if you're sitting you can be looking right and left...go slowly so you can feel the quality of the movement. So it's not about doing a big movement or doing it well but just noticing how you do the movement and noticing the difference between the two sides. And then pause and rest for a moment. And then play with lifting one shoulder away from the floor. So, you can start with your right shoulder. Lifting your right shoulder just a smidge away from the floor and then letting it go back to rest on the floor. You can try that a couple times. Lifting the shoulder and bringing it back. And looking from where you can reduce your effort during the movement. Where can you do less? And then let that go. Pause for a moment. And then a few times play with lifting the other shoulder. Lifting the left shoulder, gently, delicately away from the floor and then letting it rest back on to the floor. And between each moment you can pause and take a moment of rest so that each movement feels fresh and new. ZAK: Of course, Eve's classes are much longer than this, usually about 45-minutes. But this will give you a sense of it. EVE: One piece of advice that comes out of this that I love is that learning happens in successive approximations. So the first time you do something, it's just your first approximation of whatever that thing is or whatever it is you're doing. Then the next time you come back to it, you get to improve a little but on that first approximation. ZAK: To learn more about the Feldenkrais process and Eve, follow the links in my show notes. Hope you like today's episode. It was a little different. As always, I want to hear your advice give me a call on the hotline at 844-935-BEST. Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. --- Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow --- Fill out the TBAS listener survey to help Zak get to know you better. https://forms.gle/f1HxJ45Df4V3m2Dg9 --- Call Zak on the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST or email him a voice-memo at [email protected] this episode on IG @BestAdviceShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices