Uncomfy: Sticking with Moments That Challenge Us

What would you do if you planned an event and nobody showed up? Michael Wilker knows exactly how that feels. One night, after years of organizing a monthly meetup, he sat alone at a bar waiting for people that never came. It was awkward, humbling, and it almost made him quit. But he didn’t. Instead, Michael kept showing up, and, over time, that simple decision helped grow a small gathering of six dads into a thriving community of more than 400 men in his neighborhood. ABOUT GUEST Michael Wilker is one of the co-founders of Del Ray Dads, a grassroots community of 400+ men in Alexandria, Virginia. CHAPTERS (0:00) Introduction (0:48) Nobody Showed Up (3:37) How Del Ray Dads Began (4:50) The Listserv (6:40) Support in Grief (8:54) Bollywood Dance Rehearsals (12:15) Rules That Prevent Drama (13:37) Why It Lasts (15:05) Conclusion

What if the people who seem the most “put together” are actually struggling the most? Clinical psychologist Dr. Margaret Rutherford unpacks something she calls “Perfectly Hidden Depression” — the kind of struggle that hides behind achievement, perfectionism, and a life that looks flawless from the outside. Dr. Rutherford shares how perfectionism can become emotional armor protecting us from pain, but also disconnecting us from real feelings, real relationships, and even ourselves. ABOUT GUEST Dr. Margaret Rutherford is a clinical psychologist, TEDx speaker, and author of several books. Her latest is “The Perfectly Hidden Depression Workbook” (https://drmargaretrutherford.com/). CHAPTERS (0:00) Introduction (0:49) Therapist Tells Her Truth (3:31) Fear of Being Judged (5:43) What is Perfectly Hidden Depression (7:21) Perfectionism as Armor (10:45) Emotional Range Shrinks (12:33) First Steps Toward Change (15:09) Transparency Over Vulnerability (16:52) Julie Reflection and Conclusion

When someone calls 911, they’re not just asking for help, they’re handing over everything. Author and former paramedic Kevin Hazzard takes us inside his very first cardiac arrest call: a Thanksgiving dinner, a grandmother collapsing at the head of the table, and a room full of people waiting for a miracle that might not come. But the moment that stayed with him isn’t what you’d expect. ABOUT GUEST Kevin Hazzard is an author, journalist, TV and film writer, and former paramedic. His memoir is called “A Thousand Naked Strangers.” His new book is “No One’s Coming: The Rogue Heroes Our Government Turns to When There’s Nowhere Else to Turn” (https://a.co/d/0eVCVDLA) CHAPTERS (0:00) Introduction (1:00) Meet Kevin Hazzard (1:25) Thanksgiving Cardiac Arrest (4:29) Aftermath and Family Grace (5:48) Medicine on Display (7:30) Why the Job Hooks You (9:47) Tourist to True Believer (12:03) Mortality and Presence (13:09) Burnout and Wake Up Call (16:09) What Heroism Really Means (18:37) The New Book (20:00) Conclusion

What if the goal of disagreement isn’t to win but to build a bridge to the next conversation? Harvard Kennedy School professor Julia Minson studies one thing: how to disagree better. In this episode of Uncomfy, she shares why most of us confuse disagreement with conflict and how that mistake quietly damages our closest relationships. From ballroom dancing arguments with her husband to a life-and-death disagreement with her mother’s oncologist, Julia explains the powerful difference between being receptive and being persuaded. “You don’t have to give in to make someone feel profoundly heard.” ABOUT GUEST Julia Minson is a professor of public policy at the Harvard Kennedy School of Government and author of the new book, “How to Disagree Better” (https://www.juliaminson.com/) CHAPTERS (0:00) Introduction (0:56) Meet Julia Minson (1:30) Kitchen Dance Disagreement (4:12) Disagreement vs Conflict (6:07) Studying Disagreement (7:18) Receptive Not Persuaded (8:43) Mom’s Doctor Story (13:01) Listen With Your Mouth (15:08) HEAR Framework Breakdown (19:12) Authenticity and Practice (21:03) Conclusion

What do you do when you hear your child’s teacher may be treating them unfairly — and you hate confrontation? Caitlin Kindred shares the phone call that left her shaking… and forced her into “mama bear” mode. What started as an uncomfortable school conflict led to something unexpected: her son’s ADHD diagnosis — and ultimately her own diagnosis at age 38. ABOUT GUEST Caitlin Kindred is a mom, former middle school teacher, and co-host of the podcast “How to Be a Grownup: A Humorous Guide for Moms” (https://www.ckandgkpodcast.com/) CHAPTERS (0:00) Introduction (0:46) A Call from A Concerned Parent (3:09) Avoiding Confrontation (4:18) Email and Meeting Plan (5:32) ADHD Discovery (7:40) Late Diagnosis Validation (9:49) ADHD Traits and Time (11:30) Parenting With ADHD (13:15) News Stress and Boundaries (16:22) Conclusion

What if one big question could change your life? Kalina Silverman became known around the world for walking up to strangers and skipping the small talk. Instead of “How’s the weather?” she asks questions like: - What are you proud of? - What’s been the darkest time of your life—and how did you get through it? - What do you want to do before you die? She calls it Big Talk, and she thinks everyone should be doing it. ABOUT GUEST Kalina Silverman is the creator of Big Talk (@makebigtalk on Instagram and Tik Tok) and author of the new book, “Big Talk: How to Skip the Small Talk, Make Meaningful Connections, and Enrich Your Life” (https://www.kalinasilverman.com/) CHAPTERS (0:00) Introduction (0:41) Meet Kalina Silverman (1:39) The First Big Talk Experiment (2:59) The Simple Intro That Works (4:35) The Magic of Talking to Strangers (6:16) Big Talk 101 (7:31) Big Talk Conversations After Disasters (9:42) Listening Without Fixing (10:20) Who the Book Is For (11:39) Personal Impact (12:57) Conclusion

What happens when someone you love doesn’t react the way you do to something that feels viscerally wrong? After the fatal shooting of Renee Good by an ICE agent in Minneapolis, Anne Marie Denman texted her mom, and what followed was a conversation that could have deepened a painful divide. Instead, it deepened their connection. CHAPTERS (0:00) Introduction (0:42) Meet Anne Marie Denman (2:05) Mom Checks In—And the Reply That Stung (4:34) Catching Dysregulation & Choosing a New Response (5:32) Naming the Real Issue (8:03) The Risk of Uncomfy Conversations (8:59) Her Mom’s Response (and Why It Was Enough) (10:07) A Troubled History and What the Email Changed (13:18) How Their Family Stays Connected Through Deep Differences (15:52) Why Anne Marie Shares Her Story (18:27) Conclusion

What if the problem isn’t disagreement — it’s how we ask the question? Shira Hoffer was a freshman at Harvard when she asked what she thought was a simple, honest question and got completely shut down. That moment launched her into studying and helping others with something all of us are wrestling with right now: how to stay curious when conversations get tense. ABOUT GUEST Shira Hoffer is the Executive Director of The Viewpoints Project (https://viewpointsproject.org). Episode transcript - https://uncomfypodcastbyu.blogspot.com/2026/02/why-asking-questions-feels-so-risky.html CHAPTERS (0:00) Introduction (1:04) Meet Shira Hoffer (1:25) Shira's Classroom Experience (5:19) The Viewpoints Project (6:27) The Science of Curiosity (9:49) Navigating Difficult Conversations (14:12) A Disagreement Gone Wrong (19:26) Conclusion

What happens when three people with completely different identities and perspectives speak up in the same room, each saying they don’t feel safe? In this episode, Raj Vinnakota shares a powerful moment from a university auditorium where tension was thick, fear was real, and the stakes couldn’t have been higher. He unpacks what it actually takes to create spaces on campus (and in everyday life) where people with deeply different views can stay present, curious, and human. We’re all in the same boat. The question is: how do we stay in it together? ABOUT GUEST Raj Vinnakota is the president of the Institute for Citizens and Scholars (https://citizensandscholars.org/). Episode transcript - https://uncomfypodcastbyu.blogspot.com/2026/02/free-speech-fear-and-fixing.html CHAPTERS (0:00) Introduction (1:12) Meet Raj Vinnakota (2:20) The Conservative Student's Question (4:28) The Pro-Choice Lesbian's Perspective (7:04) Safety and Engagement on Campus (9:19) Creating a Culture of Productive Conversations (11:46) Personal Practices for Better Conversations (13:52) Raj's Personal Experience with Disagreement (15:58) Conclusion

Why being alone feels so hard—and how solitude can make you healthier, calmer and more connected. Robert Coplan spent months on the road as a solo musician, driving through the southern U.S. with long stretches of boredom, isolation, and nowhere to escape his own thoughts. Then he made one small shift that turned his misery into meaning. Coplan has since spent his career studying solitude—why we resist it, what it gives us when we stop fighting it, and how too little “me time” can leave us stressed, irritable, and disconnected. GUEST Robert Coplan is a professor of psychology at Carleton University and author of “The Joy of Solitude: How to Reconnect with Yourself in an Overconnected World” (https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/The-Joy-of-Solitude/Robert-J-Coplan/9781668053423) Episode transcript - https://uncomfypodcastbyu.blogspot.com/2026/02/why-being-alone-might-be-exactly-what.html CHAPTERS (0:00) Introduction (1:05) Meet Robert Coplan (1:28) From Musician to Psychologist (3:17) The Joy of Solitude (5:28) Experimenting with Solitude (10:32) The Role of Technology in Solitude (13:08) Loneliness vs. Solitude (15:46) The Concept of "Aloneliness" (17:09) Normalizing the Need for Alone Time (18:12) Conclusion

What do you do when your values clash with the people you love most? Licensed clinical social worker and author Kelsey Blahnik joins Uncomfy to challenge the growing “no-contact” trend and offer a more nuanced alternative she calls The And Way—a framework for holding your convictions and staying in relationship. Kelsey Blahnik’s book, The And Way: Assertive Peacemaking in a Divided World — https://theandwaypress.com Episode transcript - https://uncomfypodcastbyu.blogspot.com/2026/01/why-cutting-people-off-isnt-always.html CHAPTERS (0:00) Introduction (1:00) Meet Kelsey Blahnik (1:36) A Dinner Gone Awkward (3:03) Navigating Disagreements (4:20) Therapeutic Insights (5:57) Balancing Relationships and Boundaries (7:54) Practical Examples (11:20) “The And Way” in Personal Life (12:21) Conclusion

Father Francis Gargani entered religious life as a teenager and has remained in the Church through seasons of change, challenge, and growth. Over the years, his ministry has taken many forms—from parish life and campus ministry to caring for people with AIDS and walking alongside LGBTQ Catholics seeking spiritual community. Throughout it all, he reflects on what has helped him stay rooted: community, prayer, and a deep trust in God’s presence. Together, host Julie Rose and Father Francis explore what it means to stay when faith becomes uncomfortable and how community, compassion, and a deep conviction in God’s love can sustain a life of service. ABOUT THE GUEST Father Francis Gargani was ordained a Roman Catholic priest in 1971 and is a member of the Redemptorists of Baltimore Province (https://redemptorists.net/). Episode transcript - https://uncomfypodcastbyu.blogspot.com/2026/01/serving-on-edges-60-years-of-catholic.html CHAPTERS (0:00) Introduction (0:37) Meet Father Francis Gargani (1:08) Early Religious Journey (4:14) Challenges in Pastoral Ministry (7:35) Campus Ministry and AIDS Outreach (11:30) LGBTQ Outreach and Controversy (13:53) Intentional Communities and Modern Ministry (17:12) Finding Peace and Staying Hopeful (19:23) Conclusion

How would you react if thousands of strangers chose to berate you online? Adam Becker, CEO of HeadOn, shares what happened when he, a Jew living in Israel, began video-chatting with complete strangers online right after October 7th, 2023. Some insulted him. Some threatened him. But instead of clicking away, he chose to stick it out. Through thousands of conversations, Adam discovered surprising ways to humanize conversations that usually turn hostile. Those experiments eventually became the foundation for HeadOn, a platform where AI helps match people, set conversational “challenges,” and reduce misunderstanding. ABOUT THE GUEST Adam Becker is the CEO of HeadOn, an online platform designed to help people have good-faith conversations about deeply divisive issues including the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. (https://headon.ai) Episode transcript - https://uncomfypodcastbyu.blogspot.com/2026/01/he-let-strangers-yell-at-him-and-it.html CHAPTERS (0:00) Introduction (0:37) Meet Adam Becker: CEO of HeadOn (2:36) Experimenting with Conversations on Chat Apps (3:54) Handling Hostility and Building Understanding (7:53) Humanizing Through Shared Experiences (10:05) Scaling Conversations with AI (11:13) How HeadOn Matches and Moderates Conversations (15:13) The Goal: Reducing Misunderstandings (16:58) Conclusion

Pastor and author Bob Fabey shares a moment that changed the way he sees people forever — when an elderly woman collapsed in a grocery store and shoppers literally stepped over her to check out. Host Julie Rose and Father Fabey explore why fear, inconvenience, and social conditioning keep us from stopping, even when we know someone needs help. From everyday moments of discomfort to the devastating consequences of dehumanization, this conversation examines what happens when we stop seeing people as people. ABOUT THE GUEST Bob Fabey is a pastor at Living Faith Anglican Church in Tempe, Arizona, author of “Not My Jesus” and “The Dignity Gap,” and a TEDx speaker whose work focuses on dignity, faith, and human connection. (https://www.bobfabey.com/) Episode transcript - https://uncomfypodcastbyu.blogspot.com/2026/01/why-helping-stranger-feels-so.html CHAPTERS (0:00) Introduction (0:18) Meet Bob Fabey (0:55) A Woman Collapses in a Grocery Store (2:36) When People Are Stepped Over Instead of Seen (3:16) The Rationalizations We Make to Avoid Helping (4:11) Fear, Inconvenience, and Choosing to Be Uncomfy (5:32) Learning to Practice Compassion in Real Time (7:24) A Teacher Who Changed Everything (10:27) Dignity vs. Respect (11:24) Loving People You Don’t Like (12:49) Rwanda and the Cost of Dehumanization (15:48) Final Thoughts

Happy New Year! As many of us think about fresh starts, healing strained relationships might be part of that journey. Today, host Julie Rose revisits a powerful conversation with Justin Jones-Fosu, meaningful work researcher and author of “I Respectfully Disagree: How to Have Difficult Conversations in a Divided World.” Justin shares the deeply personal story of reconciling with his father after years of distance and hurt — not by seeking an apology, but by choosing curiosity over assumptions and conversation over confrontation. His insights remind us that reconciliation doesn’t always require agreement. Sometimes it simply asks us to stay on the road with people instead of “taking the exit.” Learn more about Justin Jones-Fosu’s work - https://workmeaningful.com/ CHAPTERS (0:00) Introduction (1:46) Justin Jones-Fosu on Avoidance and Curiosity (2:35) A Personal Story of Reconciliation (5:00) The Concept of 'Taking the Exit' (12:47) The Circles of Grace Challenge (16:27) Conclusion