#47- 30 Rock Porn

Comedian, Dave Kinney (@DavidKinney), joins Alice & Yvette this week to see what happens when you try to turn a show about a live sketch-comedy show into a porn...and forget to ask Judah Friedlander to star in it. We also cover what to not put into a microwave, rocket knees, custom gym blazers, and porn Kenneth. Support us on Patreon!

Get 20% OFF CloneAWilly.com with code TGOM20

Yvette d'Entremont 0:02 We're committed to your pleasure here at the porn cast and that means we won't promote anything that isn't Alice tested any better approved

Unknown Speaker 0:09 and this one is definitely tested

Unknown Speaker 0:10 several times over. Yeah, there was suction and fluffing and thermometers

Unknown Speaker 0:14 and the tea bags. You mean tea bags?

Yvette d'Entremont 0:19 No, I got something in my eye and use teabags to get the swelling to go down.

Unknown Speaker 0:23 What did you get in your eye? My husband's calls it It took a fucking village, a literal fucking village and well worth it because thanks to clone Willie, we've now cloned body parts on ourselves and willing volunteers and we can even make them buzz. No policies or cops were harmed in the making of this partnership

Yvette d'Entremont 0:42 we live in amazing times. Now where can our listeners check this out Alice

Alice Vaughn 0:46 to clone it and bonus go to clone a Willie calm and type in promo code tg o m 20 to get 20% off your first purchase.

Unknown Speaker 1:01 This is two girls. One Mike, the show that talks about the holes and plotholes of your favorite porn.

Yvette d'Entremont 1:09 Welcome to Two girls one Mic the porncast where no matter how bad you think the hosts are we heard worse. I'm your co host Yvette dancer Martin, here is my co host my lovely, beautiful, fabulous. And did I mention perky co host Alice Vaughn Alice, how are you doing today? Baby? You keep

Alice Vaughn 1:26 trying to get into my pants?

Yvette d'Entremont 1:28 Yeah, if I did not this will they won't they would not be a thing anymore. And then what would our Patreon have to talk about? The wall would be so boring.

Alice Vaughn 1:37 It's true. I'm sure I could think of several other topics that are of interest. Apparently we have a potentially new Patreon reward suggested by one of our listeners. Yes.

Yvette d'Entremont 1:49 Were you create them a custom binder?

Alice Vaughn 1:52 Yeah. So for guests because we have an MFF going on on the show today.

Yvette d'Entremont 1:59 Very excited. It's always very exciting when we get an extra penis on today.

Alice Vaughn 2:03 Yeah, it always says, and I have to apparently now get Dave in the loop of why there is a spider thing going on, which is our keeps binders full of women.

Dave Kinney 2:13 Oh, that Mitt Romney. I mean

Alice Vaughn 2:14 he learned it from me. But mostly I'm a hyper organizer. And I kind of recently just moved places and I had to windell down the number of binders I had, I had more than 50 binders. It was pretty excessive.

Dave Kinney 2:32 It's a thing where they actually full of women.

Yvette d'Entremont 2:34 No, most of them weren't at least I'm sure

Alice Vaughn 2:37 slike one and it had it was in relation to the podcast and potential future guests. So that's the only reason

Yvette d'Entremont 2:44 so you kept the list like romney did. You had a list of women and a binder,

Dave Kinney 2:50 just like Mitt Romney? I'm like, just big introduced to you guys. I'm trying to play. It's super cool. So here like yeah, 50 binders like binders full of it. I'm like cool. Cool. Awesome, perfectly normal. very organized.

Yvette d'Entremont 3:02 Don't worry, Alice is aware that this is like I have my things that I know are completely fucked up. Alice has hurt like this is a fetish of hers practically like I think you say, post it notes. She's like, tag organizing To me it's a I speak no lies Alice, you're not wrong.

Alice Vaughn 3:22 You're not wrong.

Yvette d'Entremont 3:24 I'm not judging. I'm fascinated

Dave Kinney 3:26 people like organization. spreadsheets, you know,

Alice Vaughn 3:29 someone has to do it. someone knows ya know how to use Word and Excel. It's fair. This week on the show, we have stand up comedian and host of the saving the dolphins podcast, which is actually not about saving any dolphins.

Unknown Speaker 3:45 Dave Kenny,

Yvette d'Entremont 3:46 he seems like he might be a friend of marine life but I didn't think he would have a podcast about it.

Dave Kinney 3:51 I'm not against it. I we were talking about this before the show. It is like if you happen to be one of the super small demographic who enjoys funny reviews of porn and specifically enjoys the NFL football team Miami Dolphins. I mean, this is I feel like this one person in the entire world who's gonna hear this podcast everyone else that has no application to them, but there's one person where it's really gonna blow their mind. one stop shopping. I'm sure

Yvette d'Entremont 4:18 we have that fan out there if you are the person.

Dave Kinney 4:22 And by the way, if you're not into the dolphins Don't be like they're not good at football.

Yvette d'Entremont 4:26 Okay, as someone who's from New England, and is not a Patriots fan, it's so sad. It is so lost on me just because I just don't give a shit about football. Like I'm a huge now the Red Sox fan but don't like there were years in which the Patriots were just a joke. And all of a sudden they are not so you know what? There is hope yet

Dave Kinney 4:46 but now it's like being a Patriots fan is like cheering for gravity. Yeah, like it's just it's Yeah,

Yvette d'Entremont 4:52 it's cheering for the inevitable heat death of the universe. Don't worry. It's just gonna keep happening. That's facts.

Unknown Speaker 4:58 Hearts. Yeah.

Dave Kinney 5:01 Just Yeah, as I'm talking, I just see like Alice's face like, Oh, cool. Can we get back to binders? Can

Yvette d'Entremont 5:06 we talk about boning again?

Alice Vaughn 5:10 Yeah, it's pretty bad that I know zero when it comes to sports, but apparently most people pick up when you're saying, hey, let's talk boobs. Yeah,

Yvette d'Entremont 5:17 it's very relatable boobs are always going to get attention away from sports, or at least I feel in most cases they are.

Alice Vaughn 5:23 Yeah, so speaking of boobs. So Dave, when we met, it was funny because you had this one routine about a couple propositioning you. And I realized

Dave Kinney 5:34 I wanted you to be a unicorn. It was a full on gangbang. This couple came up to me and they were just the super like j crew, Murray Hill, finance capital. couldn't have been more boring. And like this guy comes up and you know, just just super boring looking dude, but he's like, hey, my wife thought you were funny. And I'm like, Oh, cool. Thanks, dude. And he's like, she also thought you were cute. And like my eyes kind of widen. I didn't know where it was going. At first. I was like, I don't Want to fight you? Like, you don't know. Like, when dudes talk to other dudes. Like you just don't know where this is going. Like this dude is like in a fleece vest is his girls in a blazer? But so like really commonly it's like, yeah, once a month, we get together with like four or five other dudes. And those dudes just go out is asking

Unknown Speaker 6:21 you to help run a train on his

Unknown Speaker 6:23 way. That's the

Dave Kinney 6:24 thing like that's why what else we have is a unicorn. I'm like, I don't know. It's something more like a conductor. I don't know if that's a term that gets Brown has a job. offer that blew me away even as much as just the casual

Yvette d'Entremont 6:36 tone coming up after comedy show being like, hey, you're funny. Want to help bang my wife.

Dave Kinney 6:41 He could tell that I wasn't like super big into it. So he tries to like, talk me into it by being like, no, it's cool. It's like a party. There's beer and snacks.

Unknown Speaker 6:50 Yeah, I

Dave Kinney 6:52 started to get offended by how prominently hates mentioning snacks. Because it's like,

Yvette d'Entremont 6:58 here we've got pretzels cut sticking in my wife yeah

Dave Kinney 7:03 we're like that I'd be the kind of dude who would be like there's absolutely no way I'm gonna fuck your wife with four other Oh like like pizza all right

Yvette d'Entremont 7:10 we made homemade dip what

Alice Vaughn 7:12 Capri Sun what I'm there because artichoke

Unknown Speaker 7:16 I love this kind of pay

Alice Vaughn 7:21 what's next what do you bring to a gangbang you know I can answer this

Yvette d'Entremont 7:31 so I've been to some parties not necessarily gang bangs I've been to some parties of ill repute in my life. And I made fudge that was it was a cinnamon kind of a it almost tastes like a pumpkin spice latte fudge between two graham crackers and there was caramel in between it so you kind of make a giant fudge cake. That's what I brought to a sex party.

Dave Kinney 7:57 I feel like it's hard to separate whether that's just a good snack. General

Yvette d'Entremont 8:00 it's a delicious snack. It was like pure calories just in a block of goo and gram. Just make that do I need to urban dictionary fudge cake right now you know if that happens to be a sex term that would be amazing. Hold on if you have a suggestion for what fudge cakes should be in terms of essential term email us info at two girls one Mike,

Dave Kinney 8:22 did you serve that like a just a normal party and someone's like, this is okay, but I feel like this would be perfect for a gang. You just serve it at someone's birthday and they're like

Yvette d'Entremont 8:32 reminds me of a smell. I smelled once of like three pussies mash together in glorious harmony.

Alice Vaughn 8:38 Oh, yeah, it's it's sex cake. Yeah. But where I was going with that is I actually realized next day I was like, Oh, wait, I actually remember seeing you up like the standard years ago perform. Yeah, yeah. Oh, nice. Because it was that exact story. Oh, yeah.

Dave Kinney 8:56 It's a routine. So if you saw me do it, it definitely must have been a time where I was hosting it. Because I think that like, the reason why I do that story, that story is normally a story to tell when people are paying checks, just because it's like it's a story that has enough keywords that it focuses people's attention while they're doing something else. Like it's not a joke I would normally do as part of like, I feel like having no other idea of my stand up by setup is much less gangbang stories. It's more the exception than the rule. But yeah, I think that the main reason why that story happened, but I just realized that you're trying to hold people's attention while everyone's distracted with other stuff. So it's like, serves a purpose. Because people are paying their check in their eyes just go up like, Wait, did you just say gangbang?

Yvette d'Entremont 9:43 Try to slip an anal sex joke into my routine about skepticism. In fact, checking

Alice Vaughn 9:48 it works. I try doing it at the bank.

Dave Kinney 9:51 Just in casual. Speaking of deposits, and that's

Alice Vaughn 9:55 Yeah, stuff. What does it say on this memo?

Dave Kinney 9:59 I mean, you You get paid for a reason. So you got

Alice Vaughn 10:02 to bring home the buck somehow. Even with our hand or face,

Yvette d'Entremont 10:07 you know, every once in a while I'm not the filthiest one. And it makes me have hope for the youth of our nation.

Dave Kinney 10:18 At the beginning of the podcast, I feel like it's just like slowly. Anyone who listens This is like, oh, Dave, like the gangbang. Dude.

Yvette d'Entremont 10:25 No, no, the dude who turned down Yeah.

Dave Kinney 10:30 Because I have done that bet, like a number of times. Like, there's no way to know how many people never offered gang bangs because of that joke. So it's tough

Yvette d'Entremont 10:39 for you after that, you're like, yeah, maybe maybe one day I could have like, you could have missed all of the opportunities for people who were like, that dude could totally rock my gang bang. And there could have been other people who you would have totally been down yeah, help banging their way through and you just will never know.

Dave Kinney 10:57 on my deathbed. I'm like, I wish I wouldn't have been so close minded. Wish I wasn't so uptight.

Alice Vaughn 11:04 So speaking of hope for the youth, this week we're reviewing 30 rock porn. And I realized after watching and actually even during watching this porn that because I grew up in such a religious household, and most of my sex tips were from Cosmo, I realized I did get a handful of sex tips from 30 rock, which I don't

Yvette d'Entremont 11:26 know, confession. I've seen a handful of episodes of 30 rock but like I know, I need to sit down and watch the show. I like the what I've seen, but I not all of the inside jokes are hitting with this one. But I'm curious. Do pretend to me a little bit more about this. Alice,

Alice Vaughn 11:44 I did find some quotes that accurately described so much of what I learned. So for example, tell her you want her to donate her body to science and your science. Tell her

tell me that have been described at least a portion of my life up until now, a couple of years, a couple conferences. I feel

Yvette d'Entremont 12:09 I feel as described a few moments of sexual assault for sure. Speaking of assault, so

Dave Kinney 12:17 I want to point out that was the most upbeat transition.

Yvette d'Entremont 12:20 Speaking of assault, I've never heard an upbeat transition about assault. Like, are we gonna talk about a recent news story? Somehow, I, I don't know where you're going with this. And I'm a little terrified. But I'm here for the ride.

Alice Vaughn 12:35 Well, relationships are like sharks. If you're not left with several bite marks after intercourse and something's wrong. I mean, it's from the show. Okay. Okay, gotcha. How about this, this one is going to relate to you so much more. Because you know me our audience knows me at this point, Dave, you're about to know me.

Dave Kinney 12:53 Sounds like a threat.

Dave, you're about to know. We're on webcams. You're like, Look, we're in my eyes.

Alice Vaughn 13:00 With both of us it's you know a bit of a promise a bit of a threat from Liz lemon herself. Do you need sex advice? Here's a tip. Sometimes a lady likes to leave her blazer on.

Yvette d'Entremont 13:12 That is your calling card.

Alice Vaughn 13:14 Yeah, yeah. Let's that's you telling me it's not me. It is a very formal dress for all occasions. Dress for all occasions.

Yvette d'Entremont 13:23 I've seen you in one that's a very low cut blazer so you have you have your sexy blazers, you have your casual blazers, you have your business blazer, the duction tank tops for all occasions. This is how we know you're in New York and I know my dressy takeoffs. Wait, do you have like a gym blazer, like once we got a workout in because that would be extra

Dave Kinney 13:43 just like mesh.

Yvette d'Entremont 13:47 I need this to exist now

Dave Kinney 13:48 like a dry fit blazer.

Yvette d'Entremont 13:50 If you are a fashion designer can make him for hours.

Unknown Speaker 13:59 I knew Just

Dave Kinney 14:01 getting a message like, I just need her measurements.

Alice Vaughn 14:04 Oh my god, I hope so. I would actually go to the gym.

Yvette d'Entremont 14:11 Today I'll go to the gym wiki. They make two of us going

Alice Vaughn 14:15 so far. Fantastic. So Dave, for our audience who has never somehow seen 30 rock, how do we describe the show? 30 rock is

Dave Kinney 14:27 I think a lot of people I mean, Kimmy Schmidt has kind of picked up since then. And it's kind of the same team. So if you haven't seen 30 rock, but you've seen Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt it's very similar, but it's, I mean, the premise of the show is it's set NBC at Rockefeller Center. See if Alec Baldwin who's the head of the network, you have Liz lemon, who's producing the show, which is like a parody of SNL. Especially with this porn parody. There's a lot of strange weird levels of parody. This is like a real interesting nestings doll of so they're doing like an SNL style show. with Tracy Morgan with a real stretch playing Tracy Jordan, which is very different than the way he normally acts really so different, so very different. So yeah,

Alice Vaughn 15:10 I'd like to imagine that maybe in his personal life, he's just really an introvert.

Dave Kinney 15:16 He just goes home and he's just, he's like you he just has blazers for every occasion. It's just

Alice Vaughn 15:21 a ton of podcast reads

Dave Kinney 15:23 Yeah, exactly. He's like just trying to finish Warren pace

Unknown Speaker 15:26 catching up with this NPR.

Dave Kinney 15:28 Yeah, exactly. He's like taking up quilting.

Alice Vaughn 15:31 Stop Wait, wait Don't Don't tell me is on

Dave Kinney 15:35 you know, I can't talk to her all things considered

Yvette d'Entremont 15:37 listens near times. The Daily every morning. Yeah.

Dave Kinney 15:41 Yes, the show though. I mean, it's, it's kind of making fun of or like kind of parroting them than making a fake show, which is a version of SNL. But I think describing the tone of the show. I think what I liked so much about it is the whole show is just like a non stop joke factory. Just every scene is 1000 jokes all the time. I mean, there were a lot of really good writers, Donald Glover, Hannibal Burris, a lot of like the writers who went through that show went on to write a bunch of other huge shows and big things, but it was just yeah, I think that that's why I like the show so much just a million jokes all the time.

Alice Vaughn 16:14 At one point, actually, in 2010, a blogger actually calculated how many jokes there were per minute in the show. Oh, what can you guys guess? on average about how many jokes were each minute?

Yvette d'Entremont 16:25 5.1 let's say 12

Alice Vaughn 16:27 you're close Dave 9.57 jokes each minute

Yvette d'Entremont 16:32 why so high? It's so high. I wonder if they were using like friends technology where they just kind of sped up the speaking just enough to make it not sound unnatural. would get a little bit extra in there. Like do you remember in in the show friends? They actually sped up? No.

Dave Kinney 16:50 Yeah. I don't know that.

Yvette d'Entremont 16:51 That's the thing they did for all of the show. It's I'm not sure what percentage of the show but yeah, they sped up the the speaking a little bit I need to please fact check me on this. But this is the thing I've read in a few different sources.

Dave Kinney 17:03 I feel like I haven't seen friends. So like, I'm just gonna go back and I'm like, I just assumed everyone was on cocaine. But it turns out, there's technology speeding things up.

Yvette d'Entremont 17:11 Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it was New York in the 90s. I'm sure they could all afford those giant apartments and a fuckload of

Dave Kinney 17:18 cocaine. I think the coffee place was a cover for a coke operation. Like, it's pretty obvious. It's called the Central Park and you're like, everyone's making fun of it. Oh, so stupid. They'll wake up they can afford that apartment. Meanwhile, there's cocaine in the coffee. Now this makes so much sense.

Alice Vaughn 17:33 How else a Jennifer Aniston have so much energy. It wasn't the coffee. It was cocaine strips. actly. Did we just start a rumor on this podcast?

Yvette d'Entremont 17:41 We're going with it. Hey, at least we're just going with coke dealer ship and not running a child sex ring out of the basement?

Dave Kinney 17:50 Yeah, I mean, that is better. Didn't Ross have a monkey? Isn't that like a classic coke dealer pet?

Yvette d'Entremont 17:55 Oh my god. Yeah, he sure he's a geology. Oh yeah. Cuz every time 20 something I know who's totally not a drug dealer Wang. Yeah. has a great job as geologists making six figures in their 20s

Dave Kinney 18:08 No, isn't that clear? He was selling rocks. Like

it was a metaphor.

I would love if you sat down with the writers have friends and they're like, yeah, they were obviously coke dealers. We thought that was pretty obvious.

Yvette d'Entremont 18:24 Years later, we were playing you. Like we

Dave Kinney 18:27 didn't realize people didn't get it.

Unknown Speaker 18:29 How do you think we got Monica to lose all the weight? It was all the fucking cocaine.

Dave Kinney 18:33 Exactly. That's right after her brother took up geology.

Yvette d'Entremont 18:38 selling those rocks, baby. Not an endorsement. Well, not from you. I feel

Dave Kinney 18:43 like I want to spin up podcasts if nothing but like friends, conspiracy theories.

Yvette d'Entremont 18:49 Like, my God, that podcast has to exist somewhere and it's like three people reading it and like six people listening to it.

Dave Kinney 18:57 Yeah, it's just called friends in quotation marks.

Alice Vaughn 19:00 We reviewed friends porn with friend of the show Brigid fennessy. Yeah. And she said it was so unrealistic and she was so taken out of it. The second that Monica was she was getting come down or just the fact that she was just so messy. It just I mean, she's a neat freak, you know?

Yvette d'Entremont 19:18 Yeah. For me, like, I never really watched friends. So I'm watching the whole thing going. I can't tell if this is better or worse, out equal.

Dave Kinney 19:28 When I was watching this, that 30 rock porn parody. I had heard of it. And I when I first met Alice Vaughn, when she was talking about the podcast that she did, she said that they would do weird parodies. And that was the one that always came to my mind is the strangest for some reason. It's so obscure. It did well, like an award season and stuff, but it was never a really highly rated show. And like, there's no one who was watching 30 rock who was like, oh, there needs to be a porn version of this.

Alice Vaughn 19:52 Oh, someone thought of that. Well, specifically, that's someone being Leroy Myers, other friend of the show and director who we won't stop pitching. ideas that he keeps burning

Yvette d'Entremont 20:01 one day one day Leroy, we will I'm just still hoping for the dogma, parody dogma style.

Dave Kinney 20:10 I mean, I felt like there was a lot of restraint that I'm not calling this 30 cock. I'm not like patting myself on the back for coming up with that. I feel like that was everyone's idea. But I think that I think that's why they didn't do it, because they're like, now let's go a little bit class here. I realized watching it though, that to what your friend had said about like, kind of how big a fan of friends and then watching it, I realized how separate my brain thinks about porn compared to how I think about TV shows. And that like, it is just such a separate category that I don't think. I mean, Tina Fey and think is very pretty. I don't think I've ever imagined her having sex before. or really any of the people on the show. Like, it just is like, you know, there's a part of my brain for porn that part of the for this. So then, like, I was watching the show, and I'm like, it's gonna be weird. If it's like seeing a bunch of characters. I like having sex. But then they went have different enough direction that I was never really forced to face that anyway. I was like, Oh no, these are just points.

Yvette d'Entremont 21:06 So fun story, the adult actress who plays Tina Fey and this is another actress we've had on the show, Lisa and she also played Pailin in Neyland, Pailin, which I just think is delicious because of course, Tina Fey played Pailin famously on SNL. So I'm like, there's something kind of meta on this and I, I want somehow with a combination of like deep fakes and body doubles for there to be a porn parody of Lisa and and Palin and Tina Fey having sex. And it all be acted by Lisa ad.

Alice Vaughn 21:42 Listeners get on that,

Yvette d'Entremont 21:43 Lisa, and you can do this if you're the woman for the job. You're literally the only woman for the job

Dave Kinney 21:50 building a deep fake. I feel like Lisa does. Like we're the only porn stars who has enough video out there. We're just even just using existing footage, a fan could reasonably put that same together.

Yvette d'Entremont 22:00 Exactly And since we have the footage of her as Pailin and Tina Fey, yeah,

Dave Kinney 22:05 that feels very doable.

Yvette d'Entremont 22:06 I'm just saying I think she should do it and capitalize on it.

Dave Kinney 22:08 I was reading up on this before I watched it, and I guess she did an interview. And apparently, she was also a really big fan of 30. Rock, Lisa and was and she said that there was like a big priority for her to really go for capturing Tina Fey his exact vibe. That after seeing the movie, it really bummed me out to know that it would have seen the way the performance went. It would have made me feel better if she just never seen the show. 30 rock

Alice Vaughn 22:32 Damn it. Why didn't you tell me that?

Dave Kinney 22:34 No, I This was so crazy. I sent this to Alice. So we're probably jumping ahead of it.

Alice Vaughn 22:40 Oh, it's okay. We'll walk through the porn and

Yvette d'Entremont 22:42 we'll get through the plot later. We can talk about you know, General feelings for now,

Dave Kinney 22:46 but getting more meta, so two months after the porn version came out 30 rock in the second episode, the fourth season, actually had an episode where they did a porn version of 30 rock and so vana Sam slide and they had Savannah Samson play the porn version of Tina Fey. But they made Savannah Samson who played the porn version of Tina Fey look a lot like Lisa and like the wig was because I mean, you see what Tina Fey's hair looks like in the show. The wig that Savannah Samson had was not a Tina Fey wig. It was way more of like a Lisa and wig. But even like the way they played that they played that the way I kind of wish Lisa and would have played it, which was just like a porn star, kind of having fun jokingly as a character for some reason, it felt like Lisa and in this movie, it almost felt like she was going for like a soap opera acting. It's one thing to like go for comedy acting and have a tough time with it. It felt like she was going the opposite direction. Like she was actively going for very dramatic line readings. Hello, did you guys get that or not?

Yvette d'Entremont 23:50 Yeah, I have had that contention with her acting before. Fair.

Alice Vaughn 23:54 It was a sad version of Islam. And it was if Liz lemon, it was just super serious. And her jokes just didn't land. I don't know. That's how it felt.

Dave Kinney 24:05 Well, it's also the thing to have like if you say jokes in an incredibly serious and dramatic tone. They don't read as jokes like they just read as like just dramatic thoughts you're having at the time and there were a couple

Alice Vaughn 24:16 of cries for help for me. Yeah. Can you

Dave Kinney 24:19 just cries of desperation

Alice Vaughn 24:22 that's why no one takes me seriously. Oh, I just say everything in this with a smile, come on

Dave Kinney 24:27 dying and said don't worry.

Yvette d'Entremont 24:28 Everyone can tell you're crying on the inside, or at least I can because I share those. It's the tears of father didn't hug me enough. Hey, it's better than him hugging me too much. Just saying it's my pain and I will deal with it how I want

Dave Kinney 24:42 I feel like I look like a friendly history teacher and I was just brought on this podcast to be like, You're both very pretty and very.

Yvette d'Entremont 24:49 We're in good relationships. Don't worry. Like we just joke about some

Dave Kinney 24:54 lucky guy out there.

Yvette d'Entremont 25:00 Sir, these are the jokes we tell about why we are as fucked up as we are.

Alice Vaughn 25:04 So why do we get into the porn? Okay, so this porn opens with something I just really didn't expect. It was amazing, honestly and Dave, correct me if I'm wrong, it was essentially. So the porn opens with Trey Jordan, instead of Tracy Jordan giving a crib style tour of his home. It's just a throwback at all to the series, because I really don't remember this.

Dave Kinney 25:30 I mean, they would definitely have kind of parodies like that where like, Tracy Jordan would get involved in that kind of stuff. I'd watched a bunch of episodes that 30 rock but I mean, it's I'm sure there's a listener that's gonna angrily correct me on this. I don't think that there was ever like an actual cribs thing directly, but I mean, they were kind of going for that like kind of ridiculous character thing with him.

Unknown Speaker 25:50 And it was so good. It

Alice Vaughn 25:52 was he really nailed it. Yeah, when

Dave Kinney 25:53 he points to the light. He's like, rich.

Yvette d'Entremont 25:57 He gets up on the table with the goblet. I'm sorry. Right. He just keeps holding up random objects

Alice Vaughn 26:03 rich turns a book around with a piece of paper that says rich

Yvette d'Entremont 26:07 see what's in my fridge to sell phone who wants shiny?

Dave Kinney 26:11 Yeah, it's a great

Yvette d'Entremont 26:12 who wants crystal?

Dave Kinney 26:14 I did realize watch I get that Tracy Morgan is he's a hard person to parody just in that, like he's already kind of on 11 to begin with. So there's not a whole lot you can add to make that more ridiculous. Like I think of anything like the guy who played him actually dialed it back slightly.

Alice Vaughn 26:31 The real Tracy Jordan on 30 rock actually improvised a ton of his lines. Yeah, I actually found something really similar where at one point in the actual 30 rock He's like, I got it. Yeah, I got a solid gold jetski to batmobiles aids monkey bones. And by the way that was scripted. The unscripted part was a pair of Rock Hudson socks, a pair of build big speed glasses from when he used to be your best friend.

Dave Kinney 26:58 Wow, national treasure.

Unknown Speaker 27:00 Solid, great,

Alice Vaughn 27:01 great improvising.

Unknown Speaker 27:02 This is after tracy morgan lost a frontal lobe before Oh,

Dave Kinney 27:07 before the accident, Ivan, I remember there was like this news story of Tracy Morgan, the actual actor. And it was like, there was an issue with a shark tank. In his Manhattan apartment. He had a. Uh huh. Yep. And there was an issue where there was like a leak or something. But it was wild. 30 Rock was and you're like, yeah, I mean, that's, I guess about what I expected.

Yvette d'Entremont 27:28 Like, there are some people who you aren't surprised when they have a shark tank.

Dave Kinney 27:32 Yeah, I could see that. Yeah. There's people are like, no way. And there's other people you're like, yeah, yeah, that feels about right.

Yvette d'Entremont 27:38 A goldfish. Seems like too much commitment. Really? Yeah. Yeah. I can't keep a lot of things alive. Frankly. I'm shocked sometimes I'm alive. I keep myself alive. That's dogs and cats are good. They bark at you and scratch you if they need food. talpa that's really easy plants. I cannot do

Dave Kinney 27:56 Yeah, I was like slowly killed an orchid. I mean I didn't plan it that way I

Alice Vaughn 28:02 quickly killed an orchid it's kind of hard to kill an orchid they like can go without water for a while. I mean,

Dave Kinney 28:09 maybe people just told me this to make me feel better. But uh no orchids are supposed to be kind of finicky. Just plants are super hard to kill, but apparently, maybe it's just this kind of orchid. Everyone was giving me all these insane advice of like, bring it into the bathroom when you take a shower. So like, just the midst of it is how it will be watered. Someone said the water with ice cubes.

Alice Vaughn 28:31 Dave I think the orchid was bugged. Yeah. Why would someone tell you to bring an orchid into the shower? Come on. It was bugged.

Yvette d'Entremont 28:38 I wanted to hear the dulcet tones of your shower singing to living on a prayer.

Dave Kinney 28:42 That is like, I like I mean, we've already established I love conspiracy theories, but I was like, I feel bad for whoever's on the receiving end of that. It's like I'm not even bothered by it. Like I just feel like I owe someone an apology. Oh man, you spider man. I just want to say I'm really sorry.

Yvette d'Entremont 28:59 me doing My half stream of consciousness half fading in and out of singing Disney songs while I'm in the shower. That's totally something people want to hear.

Dave Kinney 29:07 Yeah, it's a real specific fetish.

Alice Vaughn 29:10 But what I also did like was when he was walking through the home, he was saying all the different things he stole from other people. Yeah, that railing stolen from Tyler Perry. goes to the bedroom. This is where the magic happens right here. No, really. I stole this from Criss Angel. Fuck you, Criss Angel.

Yvette d'Entremont 29:28 warranted warranted? Really?

Alice Vaughn 29:30 Really? I mean, is he a douchebag? I wouldn't know Criss Angel. If you're listening come on the show. It's cliche No, no, he's too much of a douchebag or not having Criss Angel. It's just me or have you guys totally seen this house on porn sets?

Unknown Speaker 29:46 Yeah, those stairs. Yeah,

Dave Kinney 29:49 I feel like I've definitely seen people fuck on those stairs before.

Yvette d'Entremont 29:51 I've seen somebody being penetrated on those stairs before I'm pretty sure and at least one or two holes

Alice Vaughn 29:57 that shower that bathtub. I'm pretty sure I've seen That bathtub in at least 20 borns I think

Yvette d'Entremont 30:02 I've seen it in like a couple of steps sibling porn someone's like around the corner. He like you know that's that's the thing that's happened in that house many a time

Alice Vaughn 30:11 God now I just want to invest in real estate and just Linda

Dave Kinney 30:17 I don't think I would want that cleaning bill.

Yvette d'Entremont 30:20 Oh, look just invest in the real estate. It's rented like an Airbnb.

Dave Kinney 30:25 Just like have like the kind of thing where like everything in every room is waterproof and there's just a drain so like every week to get this hose it all down.

Yvette d'Entremont 30:32 Just remember hardwood floors everywhere.

Dave Kinney 30:35 Like you don't even have to scrub anything by hand you just come up with a pressure sprayer just like I'm

Yvette d'Entremont 30:39 in spray bleach pressure

Alice Vaughn 30:40 sprayer every time Really?

Dave Kinney 30:44 Yeah, you say that until you see the set afterwards. You're like pressure sprayer every time pressure sprayer every time. Yeah,

Alice Vaughn 30:50 cuz there's just a lot of lube.

Yvette d'Entremont 30:51 Yeah, have one bedroom that's the angel bedroom be like look, I understand that you're cleaning shit up beforehand, literally, but I'm taking no chances. The Go into another porn star next week. Yes. Because there

Alice Vaughn 31:03 was great as I was talking to one of our past guests that we're having dinner with next week, I was recommending dinner spots. And she said, Well, I can't eat much because I have an anal scene The next day, things you only get when you talk to porn star friends,

Yvette d'Entremont 31:18 you know, or people who are really dedicated to their own bedroom, but I don't know anyone that advocated.

Alice Vaughn 31:24 If you weren't that dedicated to your bedroom, just please email us info to girls on mic. So I could just say thank you, and give you applause via a GIF.

Yvette d'Entremont 31:34 Yeah, I need to know if anyone's truly this dedicated to having some clean but sex that they're like, I'm gonna skip eating for a day. And it's not for the camera. I love

Dave Kinney 31:44 that. You're just like having like a couple's date with another couple and like, you're like eating dinner together. They're like, Oh, I can't Thursday's are a no. And they both just smiled knowingly and you're like, well, that's not where I expected this to go.

Yvette d'Entremont 31:57 Everyone we've heard it from it's you know, donate. For a day laxative and a lot of enemas helpful, that's a job, man. That's a goddamn job. Para two girls one, Mike, we think it's important to support you in your masturbatory habits. It's sex with someone you love, and we love them to love some really strong word. According to my therapist, we care about getting each and every one of them a better orgasm

Alice Vaughn 32:26 and that is close enough. And we will never

Unknown Speaker 32:29 recommend anything we haven't personally tested which is why you can trust us when we say we highly recommend clonal Willie, because with Corona Willie, you can masturbate and have sex with someone you love while at home and shame eating overeats I told you to take the camera out of my home. Oops. So with Cloner Willie, you can make a dildo and now a flashlight out of your own anatomy. As we found it's a fun and messy process. And if you're doing this on your partner, they're strategizing and debating maneuvering. It's kind of like adult risk. But instead of winning a fake country, you get a real vibrator

Alice Vaughn 33:05 and do what you want with it. hang it on a wall. Hide it

Yvette d'Entremont 33:08 in your goodie drawer for when you're home alone,

Alice Vaughn 33:10 send it to your significant other as the only version of you that's willing to fly united

Unknown Speaker 33:14 use it to fix a broken leak,

Alice Vaughn 33:17 or to cause one personal experience.

Yvette d'Entremont 33:21 Use it as a peer cozy smash the patriarchy with the cold one, ladies. So crack a cold phone with the boys stick it in the girls.

Alice Vaughn 33:30 where can our listeners find out more

Yvette d'Entremont 33:31 about this madness? To quote unquote go to Kota Willie calm to check it out and type in the promo code tg o m 20 to get 20% off your first purchase.

Alice Vaughn 33:43 So moving through the porn By the way, they have a fantastic recreation of the actual 30 rock intro. Perfect, in my opinion

Dave Kinney 33:53 agreed pretty strong.

Alice Vaughn 33:54 So we're introduced to Jake and Alicia or really jack and Alisa from The real 30 rock, I'm gonna just refer to them by the regular 30 rock character names in this porn because yeah, we're dealing with a lot of character names. We want people to fall. Sure, but you have jack Donaghy, so he is an executive. By the way. Did you guys know that the role of jack Donaghy was actually written for Alec Baldwin? And they were kind of fucking shocked when they got Alec Baldwin for it. He couldn't see that.

Yvette d'Entremont 34:25 I can't see anyone else doing it. Yeah,

Alice Vaughn 34:27 I know. Um, what's his name? from Mad Men? The one with the really smooth face. JOHN had on him. Yeah, he auditioned for that role, but they brought him in later on as an ex of Liz's

Yvette d'Entremont 34:40 Yeah, I don't feel like he's funny. And then again, I've never seen him in anything other than Mad Men.

Alice Vaughn 34:45 I think he did well as Liz's boyfriend in the actual show, but going back to the porn. So you have very little dialogue where apparently jack is he's concerned about ratings. Yeah. I guess the only way for someone to actually get their ratings up or how Lisa says it is. How about I stroke your ratings? I think that's one way to get them up at some that's a way to get something out. How about a stroke your ratings until they grow? Yeah, ratings. That's what they're calling it now. I don't know. I mean, for me it was when he said suck my executive deck. I mean, wouldn't that when any woman over

Dave Kinney 35:27 Yeah, there were a couple of them suck. My executive deck was the first one. There were like a lot of lines during this section that were just like, first off, he just keeps saying, I'm your boss. I'm your boss. Once again, like, feel like if someone's boss. I don't know if he need to remind them.

Alice Vaughn 35:43 He's kind of her boss. I mean, in the real show. She is Jack's mother's nurse. Yeah, he starts dating.

Dave Kinney 35:51 That's the thing that even like the boss thing, like it's not even the direct. So the way to say it, but also like they're the same sex same. He's like you're so tight. You You're such a whore. How does it stay so tight? Which, like,

Unknown Speaker 36:04 you know, oh man, he goes,

Dave Kinney 36:06 Well, it's also a thought one of the things too is just a genetics a pro tip you just, you can just stop after you're so tight. Like, you can just keep those other questions internal That one's gonna

Alice Vaughn 36:16 pro tip for the pros. I

Yvette d'Entremont 36:17 wonder if that's rhetorical or it's the question is, how does a woman feel when they're asked that mid? like are they sitting there contemplating? Well, you know, I did. I did a lot of horseback riding when I was younger. Like, no one's ever directly asked, How do you say so tight like during coitus? Yeah. Which makes me wonder, Is there a problem with bide?

Alice Vaughn 36:39 Man I'm really glad I don't get questions during sex because I would just sit down and answer them.

Unknown Speaker 36:44 What's the top of Maslow's hierarchy of need baby? Tell me,

Dave Kinney 36:48 tell me this gets really philosophical. She's like what starts with believing in myself. That's

Yvette d'Entremont 36:55 it eat organic and I work out and I drink 10 glasses of water. A day just like somebody told us that was how she keeps your skin nice on this podcast. I'm not naming names, but you bullshitted us lady

Dave Kinney 37:08 like thanks for asking. Something I noticed across all the sex scenes was that everyone, it's like they would do like a character to some degree, but for the most part, that character was just immediately abandon as soon as sec started, which like, Oh, yeah, yeah, that's probably true for most actors.

Yvette d'Entremont 37:24 We ended up not watching a lot of the sex scenes.

Alice Vaughn 37:27 I mean, it doesn't always happen. So for example, like in et porn, like, sorry about this, Dave.

Yvette d'Entremont 37:34 Oh, now, look, you came on this podcast. You were gonna be subjected to some stories. He knew what this was.

Alice Vaughn 37:40 Yeah, I mean, that's a scene where when you're having a threesome with an alien, or at least someone blowing dead, okay, you gotta watch the whole thing. And they stay in character the entire time. Or?

Yvette d'Entremont 37:51 Oh, yeah, there was the most amazing threesome in that. Watch the threesome for the acting. I'm not even Kidding and if you want to see someone stay in full character during sex scene, watch horror at the porn version of for at we've said this in many episodes, we have the horror at challenge where we challenge people to as Tommy pistol as a master of staying in character during sex with someone and say something during the height of one of those most intimate moments that Boris would say like

Unknown Speaker 38:23 nice.

Yvette d'Entremont 38:25 Just bust out with a Borah style line or its enemy and a lot of his porins he does a season character so it's what I went, Wow, that really is a goddamn job.

Dave Kinney 38:34 This is like some real Daniel Day Lewis shit. Like that is like, that is like a method. where like, I mean, that is like a different skill level because it's like, well, they say like with acting like you can do an accent. But if you have to yell, it's actually really hard to yell in an accent because like when you're yelling, you're kind of accessing like a different something like actually, like really genuinely emotional. I feel like sex has to be that times 1000 because it's like, you act Whatever role but I feel like for better for worse you probably fuck however it is you fuck. And I feel like changing that to suit whoever your character is like I feel like it is a separate skill set that I feel like

Yvette d'Entremont 39:11 it's a next level fucking Yeah, it is an next level act if there are a handful of them that are genuinely funny and genuinely good and everything we've seen them and they craft a character and they're fun to w