TransPanTastic: Transgender parenting, work, marriage, transition, and life!

Transition is, by necessity and by definition, a self-centered act. To recreate one's physical self in the most psychologically congruous image possible, is intensely intrapersonal. But when life keeps happening all around us, between raising kids, caring for parents, tending pets, supporting family, paying bills, keeping house, it's easy to get lost in all the external details and forget that transition is even happening! We would really appreciate, if you haven't taken our quick and anonymous survey, if you would please do so by going to poll.pollcode.com/15998381 or by clicking the link at TransPanTastic.net. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

George's mom is old. As both her body and her brain have aged, she still seems, at least in our experience, to be fairly sharp. Why, then, do some of her doctors seem to think she has dementia? The answer might have to do with George's transition. We would really appreciate, if you haven't taken our quick and anonymous survey, if you would please do so by going to poll.pollcode.com/15998381 or by clicking the link at TransPanTastic.net. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

Because, episode sixty-nine, what else could we do? Between dysphoria and having genitalia that didn't quite work right, learning how to sex was quite a process for George. So when his body started changing in response to testosterone, we started exploring the new things it could do and different ways that sex could happen. We would really appreciate, if you haven't taken our quick and anonymous survey, if you would please do so by going to poll.pollcode.com/15998381 or by clicking the link at TransPanTastic.net. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

There are few benefits to working for the government. The pay is crummy and job security is tied to the budget which is sadly tied to politics. But one thing we have going for us is that we're protected by law. If they want to fire us for being transgender, they have to find another reason to put on the paperwork! Thankfully, neither George nor Jess work in a hostile environment, but the situations we find ourselves in are often interesting, amusing, or just facepalm-inducing. You can hear more about George's work coming-out in episodes 28-30, and the email that we referenced near the beginning of our discussion is at http://transpantastic.net/2013/09/the-work-letter.html. We would really appreciate, if you haven't taken our quick and anonymous survey, if you would please do so by going to poll.pollcode.com/15998381 or by clicking the link at TransPanTastic.net. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

George has the sniffles and the microphone seems to have become an antenna for some sort of radio signal. Jess managed to minimize the frequency containing the interference, but it's still there as background noise. Even so, we manage a follow-up discussion of dysphoria as it relates to last week's discussion of packing, peeing, genitalia, and options for lower surgery. The links from our prior discussion of STPs, including the "homemade" item we keep referencing, is at transpantastic.net/2013/10/stping-links.html. We would really appreciate, if you haven't taken our quick and anonymous survey, if you would please do so by going to poll.pollcode.com/15998381 or by clicking the link at TransPanTastic.net. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

Figuring out the bathroom thing after transition is simultaneously harder and easier than many guys expect, and George is no exception. The environment in the mens room is very different from that in the womens room, and figuring out what to do with your "junk" is hard enough without having to figure out what to do with yourself. The links from our prior discussion of STPs, including the "homemade" item we keep referencing, is at transpantastic.net/2013/10/stping-links.html. We would really appreciate, if you haven't taken our quick and anonymous survey, if you would please do so by going to poll.pollcode.com/15998381 or by clicking the link at TransPanTastic.net. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

When our kids grow up, they will have to earn their own way to pay for their own things. Our job as parents is to prepare them for this reality. If we raise them with a sense of entitlement, or a belief that they have a "right to" have what they want, regardless of whether or not it has been earned or properly used, we will have failed. We would really appreciate, if you haven't taken our quick and anonymous survey, if you would please do so by going to poll.pollcode.com/15998381 or by clicking the link at TransPanTastic.net. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

Life keeps going on. Transition keeps happening, even when George gets misgendered. Medicines keep getting refilled, even when we get the dead man's pills on accident. Kids keep growing taller and older, even when they don't seem to be growing smarter or more sensible. It just doesn't stop, even when we might want it to, just for a moment, so we can catch our breath. The work letter that George sent via email to most of his colleagues last year, and re-sent as we discussed at about 05:30 is online at http://transpantastic.net/2013/09/the-work-letter.html. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

One year on testosterone has changed a lot of things. George's voice has dropped noticeably, he stands a half-inch taller, and his whole body is shaped differently. But the best changes of all are not anatomical, they're psychological and social. To feel "right" in his own skin, and in the way others interact with him, this has been the best change of all. We would really appreciate, if you haven't taken our quick and anonymous survey, if you would please do so by going to poll.pollcode.com/15998381 or by clicking the link at TransPanTastic.net. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

Continuing last week's survey, we finish the "when" and "what" questions, and move into the "first time" and "either/or" questions. Some answers have changed in the past year, due to the effects of testosterone, and others are just fun. We would really appreciate, if you haven't taken our quick and anonymous survey, if you would please do so by going to poll.pollcode.com/15998381 or by clicking the link at TransPanTastic.net. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

A few weeks back, we posted a survey link to get some quick and anonymous demographics from you, our friends who listen to our weekly storytime. We expected 20%-50% response, but the initial response was less than 5% of our weekly download count. So we decided to take some surveys ourselves, the kind that float around tumblr and ask about the random details of your life. Here's the first half. Next week is the second (somewhat "adult") half, and the week after that will be George's "maniversary" episode. We would really appreciate, if you haven't taken the survey, if you would please do so by going to poll.pollcode.com/15998381 or by clicking the link at TransPanTastic.net. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

The system of government pension in the United States is called Social Security. The number assigned to each American citizen and legal resident is called a Social Security Number, and it is used for all manner of federal identification. And like many government processes, it's a pain in the rear to change. Jess & George are both public employees, familiar with the simultaneously inane and labyrinthine procedures necessary to accomplish anything within government agencies, but bringing gender transition and his family's unique brand of interpersonal communication to the equation makes for a real adventure. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

Recently George was having difficulty accomplishing all he felt he ought to at work. He found this frustrating, but his work-wife reminded him that he generally holds very high expectations for himself, and that the problem might be solved by adjusting these expectations. We've since applied this problem-solving method to many aspects of our lives, and what do you know, it works! In case you missed it last week, please go to http://poll.pollcode.com/15998381 and drop us some quick and anonymous demographics to help guide our future episode topics! We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

We often find ourselves in the middle of conversations and realize "this would make a good podcast topic." This time we turned on a microphone and started over with rape culture, working our way through family anecdotes and the metaphysical nature of trans-ness, to religion and our individual views on gender as they relate to faith. Please go to http://poll.pollcode.com/15998381 and let us know some quick and anonymous demographics, as we discussed at about the 24-minute mark. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

Yeah, George is a middle-aged adolescent, but this week we're not talking about him. #1Child is is a cis-aged teenager, and #2 and #3 add up to almost equal him. We keep hoping that the parenting thing will settle down, but with our special-needs kids it's not likely. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

From the changing room at the sporting goods store, to the hot tub at the gym, to the really gross bathrooms all over town, some spaces are decidedly gendered. We discuss George's experiences with these spaces over the course of finally getting himself a few needed replacements for clothing he has outgrown because of body changes on T. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

Why does it always have to be friday? Jess & George discuss how the changes in George's hormones have changed the way he deals with stress and emotional overload. Also, Jess might be a psychopath and George has been on HRT for about ten months. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

Genderedness happens. Lately, Jess has caught herself saying "You're such a man!" to George often enough to have become a joke. But upon wider examination, George is "Such a man!", #3Child is "Such a girl!", #2Child is "Such a boy!", #1Child is "Such a teenager!", and Jess is "Such a geek!". We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

And that "life around transition" stuff seems to have quieted down enough for us to actually talk about transition again. George used to love massages, but getting one during transition can be a questionable situation. Also, we discuss that packer that came in the mail a few weeks back. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

George's mom is settled into her new place, and things are finally starting to settle back down. Which means back to parenting shenanigans and religious nonsense. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

Getting mom settled in has been an adventure, but if George had been required to undertake this quest prior to transition it would've been a completely different situation. Between visits to doctors, welfare, social security, and the new apartment that we finally moved her into, there's no time to manage gender dysphoria. Or to get the new packer in the mail! We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

Over the course of George's transition, over the course of parenting three kids and one elderly mom, over the course of living life, we often recognize in hindsight that we didn't know things. Not only that, but we didn't even realize that we didn't know them. Recently, we've questioned a few of our own preconceptions about parenting, about gender, and about our ability to take a pleasant hike. In response to a few inquiries about our appearances, we posted a few images at TransPanTastic.tumblr.com, where we often post bits and pieces of our lives throughout the week. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about

In what we hope to be the final installment of the "dad's dead so let's move mom across the country" story, we finally get to make that drive across the country. With George's mom. Leading Jess to be very thankful that George had been to therapy long before they ever met. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about

We almost split this week's episode into two parts. We considered it for two reasons. George and Jess were in two different places, doing two separate things. Their stories of their time apart are in two contrasting narratives, with two comparable stories of caring for their respective charges. Additionally, the time is almost as long as two of our usual episodes... But in the end, we two can't be separated for long, and so we kept the story of our separate weeks as one (long) episode. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about

As often happens after death of a loved one, we got into the topic of spirituality. After exploring our individual histories with faith and religion, we discussed what we believe, why we believe it, and why it's okay that we don't believe the same thing. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

The passing of George's step-dad has offered plenty of opportunity for that unique brand of coping humor we have generally reserved for the demands of dealing with special needs children. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

Women are funny. Men are funny. Everyone else is funny too. From the cycling instructor, to the guys in the locker room, to the uber-binary folks of both trans* and cis experience, to the random women who seem to be angry at George just for being a man, to the colleague who commented on George's voice change. People are just funny. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

Children are naughty, and as parents we have to set limits and boundaries that will help them grow into adults who learn how not to be naughty. Or at least how not to get caught being naughty... Sometimes that even means enforcing punishments while helping them through trauma, grief, or other negative experiences. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

The holidays are done, but our interruptions are just beginning. Between dogs, kids, and phones, we discuss our holidays, update surgery recovery, and discuss changing brands of testosterone. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

At release time, we are probably christmassing with the kids, so our holiday update will come next week. The gym has hot tubs and saunas. They are in the locker rooms. George had not been planning to spend much time in the men's locker room with his shirt off just yet, but his muscles needed the hot tub. Testosterone has been doing good things for him, but is it doing enough for the hot tub? We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

Blended families and blended visitation schedules mix with work and school schedules, and it often doesn't quite fit into the 24 hours and 7 days that our culture and place in the solar system provide us. George is a morning person, Jess is a night person, and the kids are sometimes persons, so we all do what we can to make things work. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

George got birthday'd, bought a new suit, and used the men's locker room at the gym. All in the really-freaking-cold weather. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

We occasionally have questions from you, our friends, pop up in our various inboxes. We generally answer promptly, but privately. There are a few questions, however, that have seemed worth answering on-air, for the sake of clarifying any potential confusion or tying up loose ends from previous episodes. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

Parenting is often something of a roller-coaster. And special needs kids may sometimes seem to make things worse, but they really just make the highs and lows more extreme. So after a bit of discussion about our amusingly underplanned thanksgiving prep, we wrapped up some of the loose ends of stories and topics related to kids that are turning out pretty well. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

Back when we were growing up, the only safe social space was with the other queers. Now that we're "socially acceptable", we've found other friends that share our values and priorities but don't share the queer experience. Parenting makes social time hard, especially when much of the queer community choose not to raise children, and "just don't get it". We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

We like things that are functional. George's aunt has come to live near us, so we can care for her and she can care for our kids... and for George's ex-wife. And the awkwardness is totally overshadowed by the functionality of it all. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

So we started out with intent to make a "Six Months on T" update, but we got distracted talking about Child #1's recent arrest. If you missed the link to the SAGE test in our social media last week, it can be found at http://www.hemingways.org/GIDinfo/sage/. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

Jess has always felt rather ambivalent to the concept of gender, but recent changes in George's behaviour and affect have made her realize just how she really is less ambivalent and more oblivious. Close friends and partners of trans* persons have occasionally recognized the social and emotional changes caused by hormone treatment, and remarked "Oh, that's why women/men do that!", validating stereotypes. But when her natural inclinations are all over the gender spectrum and she doesn't even realize the genderedness of her own actions, what's a princess-man to do? We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

George has been changing. That was kinda the idea of this whole adventure. The word "transition" indicates change. This week, we discuss how the changes in his world, both internally and externally, relate to gender both as a biological concept and as a social construct. Information on finding a kinesiologist in your area can is online at icak.com. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

When you need to cope with difficult circumstances, it's useful to be able to laugh about them. Raising special needs kids is often frustrating and exhausting, and we occasionally make jokes that would, out of context, be absolutely horrifying. George felt that it would be best to clarify that when we say awful evil horrible things about our children, we don't really mean it, we're just making one another laugh. We segue (badly) from there into discussing the endocrinologist that George was referred to. Which happens to be the same one he had the hassles with back in the spring, 'round abouts episodes 4 to 10. Thankfully, this time around they seem much more supportive. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

Now that the question of which bathroom to use is fairly settled for George, he's started researching various Stand-To-Pee devices. Links to the two he's used are up at TransPanTastic.net. After discussing the specific items he's begun familiarizing himself with, we delved deeper into the topic of gender dysphoria, and George is very thankful that while he would very much appreciate the experience of having genitalia that matched his gender, he does not feel the need to utilize prostheses to assist in managing the discongruity. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

Returning to work after three weeks of leave can be daunting, but the results of surgery and changes from five months on testosterone have probably affected that process, and George's colleagues have been, on the whole, supportive and encouraging. Meanwhile, the kids are still extra-special, and Jess is slightly peeved that George made her put clothes on but is otherwise content. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

"THE LETTER" has been sent. Finally. Everyone who responded has been supportive, and now George can get back to work, which is a good thing. His boss and colleagues have been covering his workload while he's been out, and they're very ready to be done with that. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

♪♫ Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to schedule a meeting... George's leave time is up, but he's not headed back to work just yet. The letter still isn't approved, and they haven't decided how to handle the situation. They haven't even decided how to go about deciding. The only thing they have decided is that he should stay home until it's decided. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

George is recovering well from top surgery. If you missed the link on our Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook, or Google+, the meditations George used were "Stress Free Surgery: A Self Relaxation Program to Help You Prepare for and Recover from Surgery", by Linda Thomson. As of recording, his work still hasn't figured out the email thing. We still plan on publishing it when it's been sent, so watch the website for that. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

George has a date for top surgery... next week! We could've announced that sooner, but we didn't want to jinx it. Or spoil the surprise. Or something like that. He has work leave scheduled and pre-operative instructions from the surgeon. While he's on leave, we're hoping that his supervisors will distribute "the letter" via email, but some of them are still confused as to why that might even be necessary. If/when it's approved, we'll post a copy at TransPanTastic.net. Until then, you can find lots of other examples by googling "transgender transition work letter". Also, we laugh about Child #2's attempts at swearing. Hence the "explicit" marker. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

After four months on testosterone, George's body has begun to change. From voice to body hair to skin texture, he's much more manly. Or at least more teenage-boy-ly. Even more interesting than his physical changes, though, is the way his changing appearance changes the way others interact with him. Also, if anyone wants to make a bathroom flipchart like the one we mentioned, send us a picture and we'll feature it on the podcast!! We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

Child #3 started kindergarten this week. The expected procedure is that on the first day of kindergarten, one parent accompanies the child to school for the morning, to help them adapt (and to fill out paperwork). George would rather have been elsewhere, but none of #3's other parents could make it so he was drafted. The upside: He was completely read as male the entire time. The downside: He was at kindergarten. All. Morning. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

Life is crazy. Kids are definitely crazymaking, but sometimes the pets are worse. Or maybe they're better, depending on your attitude and preferred level of crazy. Our three dogs are in their twilight years, and it shows. A is a deaf and senile, B is blind, and C is just kinda stupid. They're all expensive, but the kids love them and they had George before Jess did so she'll let them stay. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!

George likes the family he was born with, Jess is often confused by that. Even so, they both like the family they have chosen for themselves, and the friends they choose to fill their lives with. Watching our friends and family adapt to new pronouns and secondary sex characteristics, often subconsciously changing their own patterns of interaction, has been an interesting exercise in sociology. We can be found online at http://TransPanTastic.net/, you can email us at [email protected], and "TransPanTastic" is searchable on most social networks. We would love to hear from you, so let us know what you think or what you want to hear about!