This Was Always Me
This Was Always Me
Global
Show overview
This Was Always Me has published 13 episodes, alongside 1 trailer or bonus episode during 2025. That works out to roughly 10 hours of audio in total. Releases follow a weekly cadence.
Episodes typically run thirty-five to sixty minutes — most land between 45 min and 53 min — and the run-time is fairly consistent across the catalogue. The publisher flags most episodes as explicit, so expect adult themes or strong language throughout. It is catalogued as a EN-language Health & Fitness show.
There hasn’t been a new episode in the last ninety days; the most recent episode landed 9 months ago. Published by Global.
From the publisher
Rich Clarke spent years feeling ashamed of his sexuality. Now he meets others who, for many different reasons, kept theirs hidden - and asks why. From Olympic icon Dame Kelly Holmes to a Zimbabwean refugee and a former Conservative MP, these are unflinching stories of secrecy, shame, and survival. Forget the rainbow-washed headlines... coming out isn't always safe, or even possible. Across 12 gripping episodes, Rich explores the emotional cost of hiding who you are, and what it takes to finally live your truth. Raw, heartfelt, and long overdue. These voices are done hiding. 🎧 Subscribe now on Global Player or wherever you get your podcasts. 💬 To share your story, email: [email protected] 📢 For advertising opportunities, contact: [email protected]
Latest Episodes
S1 Ep 12Being Kavana: Anthony Kavanagh on the cost of hiding his sexuality in the 90s pop industry
EAnthony Kavanagh speaks to Rich Clarke about the hidden cost of becoming Kavana - a 90s pop star forced to hide his sexuality in an industry where being openly gay felt impossible.From knowing he was gay at 10 to creating a public persona that masked his truth, Anthony reflects on how years of secrecy and self-denial fed a spiral of anxiety, shame, and addiction.This is a conversation about fame, identity, addiction, and the long journey back to self-acceptance.Anthony’s memoir Pop Scars is out now. 📱 Follow us on Instagram and TikTok: @alwaysmepodcast💬 To share your story, email: [email protected] SUPPORT SERVICES LGBTQ+ SupportSwitchboard – LGBTQ+ Helpline • A confidential helpline for LGBTQ+ people to talk about sexuality, gender identity, and more.• Phone: 0800 0119 100• Website: switchboard.lgbtStonewall• Offers support and resources for LGBTQ+ individuals and their families.• Website: stonewall.org.ukOpen Table Network• Phone: 07501753618• Website: opentable.lgbtMental Health & Suicide PreventionSamaritans• For anyone in distress, struggling to cope, or at risk of suicide.• Phone: 116 123 (Free, 24/7)• Website: samaritans.orgMind• Provides advice and support for anyone experiencing a mental health problem.• Phone: 0300 123 3393• Website: mind.org.ukPAPYRUS – Prevention of Young Suicide• Support for people under 35 experiencing suicidal thoughts, and for those concerned about someone else.• Phone: 0800 068 41 41• Website: papyrus-uk.orgShout• A free, confidential mental health text support service.• Text: SHOUT to 85258 (24/7, free text service)• Website: giveusashout.orgAlcohol supportNHS Alcohol support• Information about alcohol addiction & where to get support• Website: nhs.uk/live-well/alcohol-advice/alcohol-support
S1 Ep 11Always There, Never Named: Julie Cohen on embracing her bisexuality in mid-life
EBestselling author Julie Cohen speaks to Rich Clarke about coming out as bisexual in her forties, after more than two decades of marriage and a lifetime of quiet questioning.She reflects on growing up in small-town Maine without the language to understand her feelings, the imposter syndrome that shaped her early experiences of queerness, and how writing became a way to explore the truths she hadn’t yet spoken aloud.Now living openly, Julie talks about the joy and relief of embracing her identity, and the freedom that came with finally being seen.Her new thriller, Body Count, is out on 14th August.📱 Follow us on Instagram and TikTok: @alwaysmepodcast💬 To share your story, email: [email protected] SUPPORT SERVICES LGBTQ+ SupportSwitchboard – LGBTQ+ Helpline • A confidential helpline for LGBTQ+ people to talk about sexuality, gender identity, and more.• Phone: 0800 0119 100• Website: switchboard.lgbtStonewall• Offers support and resources for LGBTQ+ individuals and their families.• Website: stonewall.org.ukOpen Table Network• Phone: 07501753618• Website: opentable.lgbtMental Health & Suicide PreventionSamaritans• For anyone in distress, struggling to cope, or at risk of suicide.• Phone: 116 123 (Free, 24/7)• Website: samaritans.orgMind• Provides advice and support for anyone experiencing a mental health problem.• Phone: 0300 123 3393• Website: mind.org.ukPAPYRUS – Prevention of Young Suicide• Support for people under 35 experiencing suicidal thoughts, and for those concerned about someone else.• Phone: 0800 068 41 41• Website: papyrus-uk.orgShout• A free, confidential mental health text support service.• Text: SHOUT to 85258 (24/7, free text service)• Website: giveusashout.org
S1 Ep 10'They Put Me In A Closet & Beat Me': Zarith on his journey to safety & freedom in the UK
EZarith speaks to Rich Clarke about surviving violence, secrecy, and state-sanctioned homophobia... and the long road to finding safety in the UK.Raised in South East Asia, Zarith always knew he was different. But silence felt like the only option in a country where being gay was illegal and the AIDS crisis fuelled fear and stigma. At his elite Islamic boarding school, he was outed, assaulted, and blackmailed by fellow students. Even then, he hid the truth to protect himself and his family.Years later, as a journalist, he exposed political corruption, putting himself in even greater danger. After a close friend and fellow gay journalist was kidnapped and killed, Zarith fled. He now calls the UK home, having rebuilt his life through the asylum system.... and finally, lives freely.📱 Follow us on Instagram and TikTok: @alwaysmepodcast💬 To share your story, email: [email protected] SUPPORT SERVICES LGBTQ+ SupportSwitchboard – LGBTQ+ Helpline • A confidential helpline for LGBTQ+ people to talk about sexuality, gender identity, and more.• Phone: 0800 0119 100• Website: switchboard.lgbtStonewall• Offers support and resources for LGBTQ+ individuals and their families.• Website: stonewall.org.ukOpen Table Network• Phone: 07501753618• Website: opentable.lgbtMental Health & Suicide PreventionSamaritans• For anyone in distress, struggling to cope, or at risk of suicide.• Phone: 116 123 (Free, 24/7)• Website: samaritans.orgMind• Provides advice and support for anyone experiencing a mental health problem.• Phone: 0300 123 3393• Website: mind.org.ukPAPYRUS – Prevention of Young Suicide• Support for people under 35 experiencing suicidal thoughts, and for those concerned about someone else.• Phone: 0800 068 41 41• Website: papyrus-uk.orgShout• A free, confidential mental health text support service.• Text: SHOUT to 85258 (24/7, free text service)• Website: giveusashout.org
S1 Ep 9Choosing the ‘Normal’ Life: Al on coming out after marriage, fatherhood & grief
EAl speaks to Rich Clarke about growing up feeling different. Not just because he was gay, but because he was half Chinese in a mostly white school, where he was bullied and made to feel like an outsider.In the shadow of the AIDS crisis, with strict parents and no one to turn to, Al stayed silent. He chose what felt like the “normal” life: marriage, children, and hiding who he really was.It wasn’t until his 40s, after the death of his mum and a mental health crisis, that Al found the courage to come out and begin again.📱 Follow us on Instagram and TikTok: @alwaysmepodcast💬 To share your story, email: [email protected] SUPPORT SERVICES LGBTQ+ SupportSwitchboard – LGBTQ+ Helpline • A confidential helpline for LGBTQ+ people to talk about sexuality, gender identity, and more.• Phone: 0800 0119 100• Website: switchboard.lgbtStonewall• Offers support and resources for LGBTQ+ individuals and their families.• Website: stonewall.org.ukOpen Table Network• Phone: 07501753618• Website: opentable.lgbtMental Health & Suicide PreventionSamaritans• For anyone in distress, struggling to cope, or at risk of suicide.• Phone: 116 123 (Free, 24/7)• Website: samaritans.orgMind• Provides advice and support for anyone experiencing a mental health problem.• Phone: 0300 123 3393• Website: mind.org.ukPAPYRUS – Prevention of Young Suicide• Support for people under 35 experiencing suicidal thoughts, and for those concerned about someone else.• Phone: 0800 068 41 41• Website: papyrus-uk.orgShout• A free, confidential mental health text support service.• Text: SHOUT to 85258 (24/7, free text service)• Website: giveusashout.org
S1 Ep 8Hiding Behind the Uniform: Retired Met officer Josi Clay on coming out as a trans woman
EJosi Clay always knew she was different. But growing up in the 1950s, there were no words for how she felt - only the fear that telling anyone could destroy her future. So she stayed silent.At 19, Josi joined the Met Police. For 47 years, she served as a respected officer rising through the ranks and hiding a truth that could have ended her career. By the time she was 60, she was living as a woman in every part of her life… except at work.Josi speaks to Rich Clarke about identity, resilience, and what it means to finally be seen.📱 Follow us on Instagram and TikTok: @alwaysmepodcast💬 To share your story, email: [email protected] SUPPORT SERVICES LGBTQ+ SupportSwitchboard – LGBTQ+ Helpline • A confidential helpline for LGBTQ+ people to talk about sexuality, gender identity, and more.• Phone: 0800 0119 100• Website: switchboard.lgbtStonewall• Offers support and resources for LGBTQ+ individuals and their families.• Website: stonewall.org.ukOpen Table Network• Phone: 07501753618• Website: opentable.lgbtMental Health & Suicide PreventionSamaritans• For anyone in distress, struggling to cope, or at risk of suicide.• Phone: 116 123 (Free, 24/7)• Website: samaritans.orgMind• Provides advice and support for anyone experiencing a mental health problem.• Phone: 0300 123 3393• Website: mind.org.ukPAPYRUS – Prevention of Young Suicide• Support for people under 35 experiencing suicidal thoughts, and for those concerned about someone else.•Phone: 0800 068 41 41• Website: papyrus-uk.orgShout•A free, confidential mental health text support service.• Text: SHOUT to 85258 (24/7, free text service)• Website: giveusashout.org
S1 Ep 7Decades of Silence: Norman Goodman on surviving aversion therapy & embracing his bisexual identity in his 70s
ENorman Goodman knew he was different from a young age. But it was seen as a mental illness. He faced aversion therapy and electroconvulsive therapy to ‘cure’ his feelings. For decades, Norman hid his bisexuality, even from himself, and lived a life as a husband and nurse.It wasn’t until after his wife Marilyn passed away that Norman found the courage to come out publicly. Now in a loving relationship, Norman shares how embracing his true self brought peace... and why telling his story matters for other older LGBTQ+ people still in the shadows.Norman speaks with Rich Clarke about decades of silence, mental health struggles, and finally living openly.📱 Follow us on Instagram and TikTok: @alwaysmepodcast💬 To share your story, email: [email protected] SUPPORT SERVICES LGBTQ+ SupportSwitchboard – LGBTQ+ Helpline • A confidential helpline for LGBTQ+ people to talk about sexuality, gender identity, and more.• Phone: 0800 0119 100• Website: switchboard.lgbtStonewall• Offers support and resources for LGBTQ+ individuals and their families.• Website: stonewall.org.ukOpen Table Network• Phone: 07501753618• Website: opentable.lgbtMental Health & Suicide PreventionSamaritans• For anyone in distress, struggling to cope, or at risk of suicide.• Phone: 116 123 (Free, 24/7)• Website: samaritans.orgMind• Provides advice and support for anyone experiencing a mental health problem.• Phone: 0300 123 3393• Website: mind.org.ukPAPYRUS – Prevention of Young Suicide• Support for people under 35 experiencing suicidal thoughts, and for those concerned about someone else.•Phone: 0800 068 41 41• Website: papyrus-uk.orgShout•A free, confidential mental health text support service.• Text: SHOUT to 85258 (24/7, free text service)• Website: giveusashout.org
S1 Ep 6From Arranged Marriage & Exorcism to Activism: Moud Goba on escaping Zimbabwe and starting over
EMoud Goba speaks to Rich Clarke about her journey from silence to pride. Growing up in Robert Mugabe’s Zimbabwe, she was taught that being gay was sinful, criminal, and impossible. She faced exorcism, was pushed into an arranged marriage, and eventually fled - leaving her home and family behind.But her fight for freedom didn’t end in the UK. Seeking asylum meant proving her sexuality, living in poverty, and hiding once again... this time in plain sight.Today, Moud is a mother, a leading LGBTQI+ activist, Chair of UK Black Pride, and National Director at Micro Rainbow - helping others build the safe, free life she once only dreamed of.📱 Follow us on Instagram and TikTok: @alwaysmepodcast💬 To share your story, email: [email protected] SUPPORT SERVICES LGBTQ+ SupportSwitchboard – LGBTQ+ Helpline • A confidential helpline for LGBTQ+ people to talk about sexuality, gender identity, and more.• Phone: 0800 0119 100• Website: switchboard.lgbtStonewall• Offers support and resources for LGBTQ+ individuals and their families.• Website: stonewall.org.ukOpen Table Network• Phone: 07501753618• Website: opentable.lgbtMental Health & Suicide PreventionSamaritans• For anyone in distress, struggling to cope, or at risk of suicide.• Phone: 116 123 (Free, 24/7)• Website: samaritans.orgMind• Provides advice and support for anyone experiencing a mental health problem.• Phone: 0300 123 3393• Website: mind.org.ukPAPYRUS – Prevention of Young Suicide• Support for people under 35 experiencing suicidal thoughts, and for those concerned about someone else.•Phone: 0800 068 41 41• Website: papyrus-uk.orgShout•A free, confidential mental health text support service.• Text: SHOUT to 85258 (24/7, free text service)• Website: giveusashout.org
S1 Ep 5A Love Hidden For 29 Years: Former Conservative MP Sir Nick Gibb and Michael Simmonds on fear, love and coming out in politics
ESir Nick Gibb and Michael Simmonds have been together for 38 years, but kept their relationship hidden from the world until 2015 - the year they married.Nick knew he was gay from university and accepted it, but as a Conservative MP, he felt he had to keep his personal life private to protect his career.For decades, they lived together but kept up appearances - even owning separate properties and spending holidays apart to avoid suspicion.In this honest and moving conversation with Rich Clarke, they reflect on the long years of secrecy, the toll it took, and the joy and relief of finally sharing their truth with the world.This is a story of quiet love, public pressure, and finally, freedom.📱 Follow us on Instagram and TikTok: @alwaysmepodcast💬 To share your story, email: [email protected] SUPPORT SERVICES LGBTQ+ SupportSwitchboard – LGBTQ+ Helpline • A confidential helpline for LGBTQ+ people to talk about sexuality, gender identity, and more.• Phone: 0800 0119 100• Website: switchboard.lgbtStonewall• Offers support and resources for LGBTQ+ individuals and their families.• Website: stonewall.org.ukOpen Table Network• Phone: 07501753618• Website: opentable.lgbtMental Health & Suicide PreventionSamaritans• For anyone in distress, struggling to cope, or at risk of suicide.• Phone: 116 123 (Free, 24/7)• Website: samaritans.orgMind• Provides advice and support for anyone experiencing a mental health problem.• Phone: 0300 123 3393• Website: mind.org.ukPAPYRUS – Prevention of Young Suicide• Support for people under 35 experiencing suicidal thoughts, and for those concerned about someone else.•Phone: 0800 068 41 41• Website: papyrus-uk.orgShout•A free, confidential mental health text support service.• Text: SHOUT to 85258 (24/7, free text service)• Website: giveusashout.org
S1 Ep 4'Created perfect, but made flawed’: Gail Rose on how she found self-acceptance after conversion therapy at Church
EGail Rose spent decades believing she couldn’t be both gay and Christian.After becoming a young mum and joining a church that preached same-sex attraction was wrong, Gail kept her true self hidden for years, fearing rejection from her faith and loved ones.She speaks with Rich Clarke about living a ‘dual life’, the pain of being outed, and the turning point that made her want to keep going. Gail opens up about losing her place in church, the struggle to be accepted by her son, and how she finally found a community where she could belong.Now 55, she’s happily married to her wife Tina and is an elder in the church that married them.This is a story of faith, love, and finding peace after years of hiding.📱 Follow us on Instagram and TikTok: @alwaysmepodcast💬 To share your story, email: [email protected] SUPPORT SERVICES LGBTQ+ SupportSwitchboard – LGBTQ+ Helpline • A confidential helpline for LGBTQ+ people to talk about sexuality, gender identity, and more.• Phone: 0800 0119 100• Website: switchboard.lgbtStonewall• Offers support and resources for LGBTQ+ individuals and their families.• Website: stonewall.org.ukOpen Table Network• Phone: 07501753618• Website: opentable.lgbtMental Health & Suicide PreventionSamaritans• For anyone in distress, struggling to cope, or at risk of suicide.• Phone: 116 123 (Free, 24/7)• Website: samaritans.orgMind• Provides advice and support for anyone experiencing a mental health problem.• Phone: 0300 123 3393• Website: mind.org.ukPAPYRUS – Prevention of Young Suicide• Support for people under 35 experiencing suicidal thoughts, and for those concerned about someone else.•Phone: 0800 068 41 41• Website: papyrus-uk.orgShout•A free, confidential mental health text support service.• Text: SHOUT to 85258 (24/7, free text service)• Website: giveusashout.org
S1 Ep 3It Was Illegal To Be With The Love Of My Life: Richard Martin on secret heartbreak & waiting until his 60s to come out
ERichard Martin joins Rich Clarke to share the story of a love that shaped his life.At university, Richard fell deeply in love with another man. It was a relationship full of hope, but lived in secrecy at a time when being gay was illegal. When his partner returned to America, Richard stayed behind and tried to move on. Years later, they saw each other again, both married to women, and the meeting was painfully strange.Richard went on to to live a life of marriage, children, and silence. But in his 60s, he finally came out.This is a story of first love, quiet heartbreak, and finally becoming who you really are.📱 Follow us on Instagram and TikTok: @alwaysmepodcast💬 To share your story, email: [email protected] SUPPORT SERVICES LGBTQ+ SupportSwitchboard – LGBTQ+ Helpline • A confidential helpline for LGBTQ+ people to talk about sexuality, gender identity, and more.• Phone: 0800 0119 100• Website: switchboard.lgbtStonewall• Offers support and resources for LGBTQ+ individuals and their families.• Website: stonewall.org.ukOpen Table Network• Phone: 07501753618• Website: opentable.lgbtMental Health & Suicide PreventionSamaritans• For anyone in distress, struggling to cope, or at risk of suicide.• Phone: 116 123 (Free, 24/7)• Website: samaritans.orgMind• Provides advice and support for anyone experiencing a mental health problem.• Phone: 0300 123 3393• Website: mind.org.ukPAPYRUS – Prevention of Young Suicide• Support for people under 35 experiencing suicidal thoughts, and for those concerned about someone else.•Phone: 0800 068 41 41• Website: papyrus-uk.orgShout•A free, confidential mental health text support service.• Text: SHOUT to 85258 (24/7, free text service)• Website: giveusashout.org
S1 Ep 280 Years In The Wrong Body: Isobel on transitioning in later life, with her wife's blessing
ERich Clarke sits down with Isobel - a remarkable trans woman who underwent gender-affirming surgery at 80.Isobel reflects on a lifetime of hiding her true self, trying to meet the expectations of others as a sailor, firefighter, husband, and father. With honesty and warmth, she shares how her wife Margaret, now living with dementia, offered her the support and permission to finally live as herself.Now, two years after surgery, Isobel describes the profound joy and peace she’s found in her body. She talks about identity, love, family, and the courage it takes to become who you really are... at any age.This is a powerful story of truth, transformation, and the freedom that comes with finally being seen.📱 Follow us on Instagram and TikTok: @alwaysmepodcast💬 To share your story, email: [email protected] SUPPORT SERVICES LGBTQ+ SupportSwitchboard – LGBTQ+ Helpline • A confidential helpline for LGBTQ+ people to talk about sexuality, gender identity, and more.• Phone: 0800 0119 100• Website: switchboard.lgbtStonewall• Offers support and resources for LGBTQ+ individuals and their families.• Website: stonewall.org.ukOpen Table Network• Phone: 07501753618• Website: opentable.lgbtMental Health & Suicide PreventionSamaritans• For anyone in distress, struggling to cope, or at risk of suicide.• Phone: 116 123 (Free, 24/7)• Website: samaritans.orgMind• Provides advice and support for anyone experiencing a mental health problem.• Phone: 0300 123 3393• Website: mind.org.ukPAPYRUS – Prevention of Young Suicide• Support for people under 35 experiencing suicidal thoughts, and for those concerned about someone else.•Phone: 0800 068 41 41• Website: papyrus-uk.orgShout•A free, confidential mental health text support service.• Text: SHOUT to 85258 (24/7, free text service)• Website: giveusashout.org
S1 Ep 1I Wouldn't Be Double Olympic Champion If They'd Found Out I Was Gay: Dame Kelly Holmes on having to hide her sexuality in the army & the spotlight
ERich Clarke speaks with Dame Kelly Holmes, double Olympic gold medallist, former soldier, and proud gay woman, about the reality of hiding her sexuality for 34 years.Kelly reflects on her time in the British Army, when being gay was still illegal, and the constant fear of discovery. She opens up about the emotional toll of living in silence, the pressure of public life, and the lasting impact on her mental health.She also discusses survivor’s guilt... the belief that if she’d been discharged for being gay, she might never have become an Olympic champion... and the inner conflict of being celebrated while concealing such a significant part of her identity.This is a conversation about fear, identity, and the unseen weight of silence📱 Follow us on Instagram and TikTok: @alwaysmepodcast💬 To share your story, email: [email protected] SUPPORT SERVICES LGBTQ+ SupportSwitchboard – LGBTQ+ Helpline • A confidential helpline for LGBTQ+ people to talk about sexuality, gender identity, and more.• Phone: 0800 0119 100• Website: switchboard.lgbtStonewall• Offers support and resources for LGBTQ+ individuals and their families.• Website: stonewall.org.ukOpen Table Network• Phone: 07501753618• Website: opentable.lgbtMental Health & Suicide PreventionSamaritans• For anyone in distress, struggling to cope, or at risk of suicide.• Phone: 116 123 (Free, 24/7)• Website: samaritans.orgMind• Provides advice and support for anyone experiencing a mental health problem.• Phone: 0300 123 3393• Website: mind.org.ukPAPYRUS – Prevention of Young Suicide• Support for people under 35 experiencing suicidal thoughts, and for those concerned about someone else.•Phone: 0800 068 41 41• Website: papyrus-uk.orgShout•A free, confidential mental health text support service.• Text: SHOUT to 85258 (24/7, free text service)• Website: giveusashout.org
Introducing: This Was Always Me - Subscribe Now!
trailerEWhat if being yourself meant risking everything? This Was Always Me is a powerful new series hosted by Rich Clarke, launching this Pride Month. Through raw, emotional conversations, it shares the untold stories of people who felt they had to hide their sexuality or gender identity - sometimes for years.From a former Conservative MP to a Zimbabwean refugee, each episode explores the complex reasons people stay silent including religion, politics, family, and personal safety. These are real stories of secrecy, shame, and the strength it takes to finally live your truth.If you're looking for a Pride Month podcast that goes beyond the headlines, diving into identity, mental health, and the cost of hiding who you are, This Was Always Me is the one to hear.🎧 The first three episodes drop Monday 9th June, including a conversation with Dame Kelly Holmes. Available on Global Player or wherever you get your podcasts.Follow us on Instagram and TikTok