This Is Actually Happening

“It’s just terror, it’s just fear with no object…It’s so purely guttural and instinctive it’s almost like the prey of a tiger…the moment that it knows it’s about to be ripped apart.”Today's episode featured Neil Woods. You can find out more about Neil by going to neilwoods.net, where you can also find links to his two books: Good Cop, Bad War and Drug Wars, with more about his own experience and about the War on Drugs in Britain. To find out more about his organization, LEAP, or Law Enforcement Action Partnership, go to lawenforcementactionpartnership.org. Producers: Whit Missildine, Andrew Waits Episode Summary: Growing up with a sense of heroic duty, a man becomes a cop fighting the drug war, when the sobering realities of his job lead him to profound awakening. Social Media:Instagram: @actuallyhappeningThis Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Website: www.thisisactuallyhappening.com Website for Andrew Waits: andrdewwaits.comContent/Trigger Warnings: near death, violence, suicide, mention of sexual assault, mention of gang rape, domestic violence, explicit language Wondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: Ambient Themes by Nigel Coutinho ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“I felt like I went through a portal into this evil place…and I immediately knew that we were in a whole different world.” Today’s storyteller requested to remain anonymous. However, if you’d like to contact her, you can reach out through email at [email protected] Producers: Whit Missildine, Sara Marinelli Episode Summary: Growing up evangelical in the Purity movement of the 1990s, a woman constructs the ideal life, when piece by piece, her image of family, marriage and her identity begin to be dismantled. Social Media:Instagram: @actuallyhappeningThis Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/  Website: www.thisisactuallyhappening.com Website for Sara Marinelli: saramarinelli.comInstagram for Sara Marinelli: @saramarinelli1 Content/Trigger Warnings: sexual abuse, sexual abuse of a minor, suicidal tendency, explicit language Wondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: “Embers/Unknown Outcomes” – SkyeVoyager ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“Because so much of my life when I’d seen things happening I’d been told that it wasn’t really happening, I think my brain kind of formed to think that reality was not real.” Today’s guest requested to remain anonymous, but if you’d like to contact her, you can email at: [email protected]. Producers: Whit Missildine, Andrew Waits Episode Summary: A woman struggles to break out of her role caretaking a father who was haunted by his experiences in Vietnam, but when both of their worlds unravel, she must find a new source of strength.   Social Media:Instagram: @actuallyhappeningThis Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/  Website: www.thisisactuallyhappening.com Website for Andrew Waits: andrdewwaits.com Content/Trigger Warnings: graphic violence, graphic bodily injury, graphic images of war, rape, mental illness, derealization, suicidal ideation, death, explicit language Wondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: “Cylinder Four/Five” – Chris Zabriskie ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“What it felt like was - I am absolutely here, but this is not happening to us…This is not happening at all.” Today’s episode featured John W. Evans. John is the author of three award-winning books. His poems and essays appear in Slate, The Missouri Review, ZYZZYVA, Poets & Writers, and have been listed as Notable in Best American Essays. He is the Nancy Draper Lecturer of Creative Nonfiction at Stanford University. His author website is www.johnwevans.com. Producers: Whit Missildine, Jason Blalock Episode Summary: A newly married man traveling the world with the love of his life faces unimaginable horror on a hiking trail in Romania. Social Media:Instagram: @actuallyhappeningThis Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Website: www.thisisactuallyhappening.com Website for Jason Blalock: jasonblalock.com Content/Trigger Warnings: graphic violence, graphic bodily injury, death, animal attack, animal death, explicit language Wondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: “Union Flow” – Spuntic ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“I would look in the mirror and my eyes wouldn’t focus because it was like my brain wasn’t registering that that was me…I literally saw a stranger in the mirror.” Today's episode featured Grace Hartman. You can find out more about Grace on Instagram @graceAhartman or contact her through email at [email protected].  Producers: Whit Missildine Episode Summary: Soon after coming into adolescence, a woman develops flu-like symptoms of an unknown illness that continue to progress until it alters her forever. Social Media:Instagram: @actuallyhappeningThis Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Website: www.thisisactuallyhappening.com  Content/Trigger Warnings: suicidal ideation, severe illness, disfiguration, explicit language Wondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: “Re-Entry” – Lee Rosevere ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“People who are grieving a serious loss, and you’re staring into the abyss, they understand intimately the loss that we are all going to face, what we all will see.”Today's episode featured Frank Vaughan. If you'd like to reach out to Frank, you can email him at [email protected]. Producers: Whit Missildine, Andrew Waits Episode Summary: At the peak of his life, having built a successful marriage, family and career, a man faces a series of compound losses that put him through a dark night of the soul. Social Media:Instagram: @actuallyhappeningThis Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/  Website: www.thisisactuallyhappening.com Website for Andrew Waits: andrdewwaits.com  Content/Trigger Warnings: cancer, terminal illness, alcoholism, death, animal death, compound loss, explicit language Wondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: Ambient Themes by Nigel Coutinho ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“I didn’t get a chance to know who I was or who I should have become, and I will never know that person.” Producers: Whit Missildine, Andrew Waits Episode Summary: After a girl is saved from her abusive father, she finds solace in her mother’s protection, but when her mother meets a new man, an even greater menace threatens to take everything.  Social Media:Instagram: @actuallyhappeningThis Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/  Website: www.thisisactuallyhappening.com Website for Andrew Waits: andrdewwaits.com Content/Trigger Warnings: abuse of a child, graphic domestic violence, threat of murder, threat of rape, molestation of a minor, explicit language Wondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: “Embers/Unknown Outcomes” – SkyeVoyager ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“Now I know that half of me it’s a lie where does that leave me who am I who is this person it’s like you entirely lose your identity and I feel like I almost have to start again to figure out who I am because I lost it.” Producers: Whit Missildine, Jason Blalock Episode Summary: A woman who always felt different is compelled to hold a shocking secret that could shatter the family illusion. Social Media:Instagram: @actuallyhappeningThis Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Website: www.thisisactuallyhappening.com Website for Jason Blalock: jasonblalock.com Content/Trigger Warnings: explicit language Wondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: “Cylinder Four/Five” – Chris Zabriskie ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“If life is so fragile, death can come to you anytime any day in any place.” Producers: Whit Missildine, Andrew Waits Episode Summary: A man who always felt like he didn’t belong in his own house wakes up one morning to a surreal tragedy. Social Media:Instagram: @actuallyhappeningThis Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Website: www.thisisactuallyhappening.com Website for Andrew Waits: andrdewwaits.com Content/Trigger Warnings: mental illness, graphic bodily injury, death, description of a corpse, explicit language Wondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: “Union Flow” - Spuntic ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“All that stuff I went through, the abuse, the physical, verbal, everything was not rock bottom for me….Me realizing that I was being abusive to people I loved, that was my rock bottom.” Producers: Whit Missildine, Jason Blalock Episode Summary: A woman struggles to free herself from the catastrophic consequences of an obsession with a man she cannot leave Social Media:Instagram: @actuallyhappeningThis Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Website: www.thisisactuallyhappening.com Website for Jason Blalock: jasonblalock.com  Content/Trigger Warnings: infant death, domestic violence, graphic domestic abuse, near death, abortion, explicit language Wondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: “Re-Entry” – Lee Rosevere ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“I just thought this is not happening, like how could this be happening? This isn’t supposed to happen…I felt like it was my fault.” Producers: Whit Missildine, Jason Blalock Episode Summary: An obstetrician must find healing and forgiveness after an unexpected tragedy opens old wounds. Social Media:Instagram: @actuallyhappeningThis Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/  Website: www.thisisactuallyhappening.com Website for Andrew Waits: jasonblalock.com Content/Trigger Warnings: sexual molestation of a minor, incest, death, infant death, pregnancy trauma, medical trauma, explicit language Wondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: Ambient Themes by Nigel Coutinho ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“It’s never given that you’re going to be here tomorrow or in the next hour. You’ve got to respect that and you’ve got to live your life accordingly.” Producers: Whit Missildine, Jason Blalock Episode Summary: A man goes on a duck hunt with his friends, when a freak accident changes everything.  Social Media:Instagram: @actuallyhappeningThis Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Website: www.thisisactuallyhappening.com Website for Andrew Waits: jasonblalock.com Content/Trigger Warnings: medical trauma, shooting, graphic bodily injury, explicit language Wondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop. Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: “Embers/Unknown Outcomes” – SkyeVoyager ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources.National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“Is this really happening? Like, is this really my reality? I’m questioning myself as to whether or not I was crazy and had I really seen what I just saw.”Producers: Whit Missildine, Andrew Waits Episode Summary: Growing up in a strict, sheltered household, a woman must confront a new reality when her older sister, who was the glue of her family and her identity, begins to fall apart.   Social Media:Instagram: @actuallyhappeningThis Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Website: www.thisisactuallyhappening.com Website for Andrew Waits: andrdewwaits.com  Content/Trigger Warnings: teen pregnancy, abortion, alcohol and drug abuse, mental illness, schizophrenia, explicit language Wondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: “Cylinder Four/Five” – Chris Zabriskie ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“We are not necessarily who we think we are…There are more paradoxes in life than things that make sense.” Today’s episode featured Kim. You can find out more about her and her writings at her Myth and Medicine blog on Patreon: patreon.com/mythandmedicine  Producers: Whit Missildine, Andrew Waits Episode Summary: From the ashes of her own descent into severe mental illness, a nurse finds resilience to face her job’s gravest challenges. Social Media:Instagram: @actuallyhappeningThis Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Website: www.thisisactuallyhappening.com Website for Andrew Waits: andrdewwaits.comContent/Trigger Warnings: domestic abuse, self-harm, cutting, suicidal ideation, sexual assault, suicide attempt, drug addiction, COVID death, animal abuse and death, hallucinations of war, abduction, beating and rape, and loss of child, explicit language Wondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: “Union Flow” – Spuntic ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“Time stopped while my brain was trying to catch up, and I was horrified I was confused I was bewildered I was panicked…just a wave of all of that came over me.” Today’s episode featured Kate Solberg. You can find out more about Kate on Instagram @ka.solberg03Producers: Whit Missildine, Matt Volla Episode Summary: After her first marriage falls apart, a woman has a second chance at a dream family, but growing suspicions lead her to unimaginable revelations.  Social Media:Instagram: @actuallyhappeningThis Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Website: www.thisisactuallyhappening.com Website for Matt Volla: mattvolla.com Content/Trigger Warnings: sexual exploitation of a minor, child pornography, explicit language Wondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: “Re-Entry” – Lee Rosevere ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“I was like a walking dead. I was just a shell, but I couldn’t stop…my soul was gone.” Producer: Whit MissildineGuest: Kenneth Ginlack Sr. Episode Summary: Growing up in the projects and a broken home, a man learns survive on the streets through dealing drugs and brutal violence, when a desperate moment leaves him with a choice that changes everything. Today’s episode featured Kenneth Ginlack, Sr. Kenneth has been the Director of Outpatient Programs for Milwaukee County Behavior Health Division (BHD), an ad-hoc instructor at the University of Wisconsin Continuing Education extension program, president of the board of directors for Revive Youth and Family Services, and a board member for SALS Recovery Houses and Coaching. Kenneth is now Chief Executive Officer (CEO) of Serenity Inns. You can find out more about Kenneth by going to kgsctc.com Social Media:Instagram: @actuallyhappeningThis Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Website: www.thisisactuallyhappening.com Content/Trigger Warnings: explicit violence, gun violence, domestic abuse, drug use, drug addiction, suicide, murder, explicit language Wondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: Ambient Themes by Nigel Coutinho ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“My life is so much more fragile than I thought it was, and my existence goes beyond this tiny little place that I live in.” Today’s episode featured Jenna. You can find out more about her on Instagram @jennajacqueline. Producers: Whit Missildine, Jason BlalockEpisode Summary: Breaking away from her childhood, a teenager buries a traumatic encounter in self harm, pushing her to the limits of life and death. Social Media:Instagram: @actuallyhappeningThis Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Website: www.thisisactuallyhappening.comWebsite for Jason Blalock: www.jasonblalock.com Content/Trigger Warnings: sexual assault, drug use, suicidal ideation, graphic bodily injury, explicit language Wondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: “Uncertain Outcomes/Embers” – SkyeVoyager https://linktr.ee/SkyeVoyager ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“It just got too hurtful to think of him in the ground and me still alive…I couldn’t understand the meaning in it.”Today’s episode featured Hayley Ross. If you’d like to reach out to Hayley you can contact her at [email protected]. Producers: Whit Missildine, Andrew Waits Episode Summary: Growing up in an abusive household, a woman struggles to find meaning in her life, when one night, a sudden, unexpected, violent attack changes her life forever. Social Media:Instagram: @actuallyhappeningThis Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Website: www.thisisactuallyhappening.comWebsite for Andrew Waits: www.andrdewwaits.com  Content/Trigger Warnings: domestic violence, physical abuse, suicidal ideation, suicide attempt, sexual assault, graphic violence, graphic bodily injury, murder, explicit language Wondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: “Cylinder Four/Five” – Chris Zabriskie ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“I had no reference point of how to live or behave or anything….It was like this cocoon had been just ripped away from me, and I didn’t know what my beliefs really were.” Producers: Whit Missildine, Jason BlalockEpisode Summary: A man searches to find love for himself and his family after facing the dark consequences of being disfellowshipped by the Jehovah’s Witness.Social Media:Instagram: @actuallyhappeningThis Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Website: www.thisisactuallyhappening.comWebsite for Jason Blalock: www.jasonblalock.com Content/Trigger Warnings: sexual assault, molestation, suicidal ideation, alcohol and drug abuse, addiction, mental illness, domestic abuse, suicide attempt, explicit language Wondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: “Union Flow” - Spuntic ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“I honestly think that if the mom I grew up with hadn’t given me such a great sense of self-esteem, I don’t think I would have lasted as long under this current strange mother that I was now stuck with.” Today’s episode featured Wren Feeney. Wren lives her life surrounded by pets and people who love her, and yet spends her free time writing horror. If you'd like to read her work, or just reach out and say hi, visit wrenfeeney.com for stories and contact information. Producers: Whit Missildine, Jason BlalockEpisode Summary: A woman’s happy childhood with her single mother unexpectedly takes a bewildering, dark turn, leading to a moment that will change everythingSocial Media:This Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/Instagram: @actuallyhappeningWebsite: www.thisisactuallyhappening.comWebsite for Jason Blalock: www.jasonblalock.com Content/Trigger Warnings: alcoholism, child neglect, sexual solicitation of a minor, suicidal thoughts, suicide, graphic violence, explicit language Wondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: “Re-Entry” – Lee Rosevere ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“I kept thinking there’s no way that God is going to let this happen to me…What could I have done in my life to deserve what’s going on right now.” Today’s episode features Jessie Bains. If you’d like to contact her, you can reach out at [email protected]. Producers: Whit MissildineEpisode Summary: A woman growing up in a sheltered life with conservative parents is taken from her driveway one night and led into a darkness she never could have fathomed.Social Media: Instagram: @actuallyhappeningWebsite: www.thisisactuallyhappening.comContent/Trigger Warnings: kidnapping, rape, violent sexual assault, graphic violence, graphic sexual imagery, explicit language Wondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Engage with the Community: Join the This Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop. Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: Ambient Themes by Nigel Coutinho ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“It was like I was in a whole other universe for like five to ten minutes just walking around, like I couldn’t function, I didn’t know what to do.” Today’s episode featured Miles. You can reach out to Miles by emailing him at [email protected]. Producers: Whit Missildine, Jason BlalockEpisode Summary: A man searches for healing after his father, a disgruntled post office worker, falls into a violent downward spiral.Website for Jason Blalock: jasonblalock.com Social Media: Instagram: @actuallyhappeningWebsite: www.thisisactuallyhappening.com Content/Trigger Warnings: suicide, mental illness, graphic violent imagery, workplace abuse, sexual harassment, explicit languageWondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Engage with the Community: Join the This Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: “Cylinder Four/Five” – Chris Zabriskie ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“Your whole sense of reality has been shaken so much that you question what is even real any more.” Today's episode featured Melissa. You can find more about her on Instagram @littleredmeli or on Medium, https://medium.com/@littleredmeli Producers: Whit Missildine, Matt VollaEpisode Summary: Growing up in the Mormon church, a woman follows a structured path to love and marriage, but what hides underneath threatens to unravel everything she’s built.Website for Matt Volla: www.mattvolla.com Social Media: Instagram: @actuallyhappeningWebsite: www.thisisactuallyhappening.comWondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusContent/Trigger Warnings: sexual abuse, sexual assault, suicidal ideation, explicit languageSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Engage with the Community: Join the This Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: “Union Flow” - Spuntic ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“The best way I can explain how it feels to not be believed is just profound loneliness…To not know where to turn to seek advice or to get a hug, I wouldn’t wish that on anybody.” Producers: Whit Missildine, Matt VollaEpisode Summary: After her parents’ divorce a girl’s relationship with her mother tailspins until a shocking accusation throws everything into chaos.Website for Matt Volla: www.mattvolla.com Social Media: Instagram: @actuallyhappeningWebsite: www.thisisactuallyhappening.comWondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusContent/Trigger Warnings: domestic abuse, parental abuse, mental illness, attempted murder, alcoholism, addiction, explicit languageSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Engage with the Community: Join the This Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: “Uncertain Outcomes/Embers” – SkyeVoyager https://linktr.ee/SkyeVoyager ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Producers: Whit MissildineEpisode Summary: Whit Missildine, host of This Is Actually Happening and The Long Shadow, and Dan Taberski, host of Missing Richard Simmons and 9/12, discuss 9/11 and their approaches to their respective series honoring the tragedy.Today, as part of our series, The Long Shadow, honoring the 20th anniversary of September 11th, we bring you an interview between me and Dan Taberski. Dan is the host of the podcast Missing Richard Simmons, Running from Cops, and, most recently, The Line. His new show is called 9/12, and the series is about what happened after 9/11: How 9/11 the day became 9/11 the idea, and how that idea has shaped the world, our culture, and ourselves for the past 20 years. While my series focuses on the deep personal histories, experiences of the day itself, and the long aftermath for people who have experienced the tragedy up close, Dan’s series takes a sweeping look at the cultural, social, political and conspiratorial implications of 9/11 and what it means for us today.Social Media: Instagram: @actuallyhappeningWebsite: www.thisisactuallyhappening.comWondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusSupport The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happeningEngage with the Community:Join the This Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/Shop at the Store:The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources.National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“The surrealism of the experience just it was hard to fathom…here we were in a clothing store being asked to do these sort of impossible thing.” Producers: Whit MissildineEpisode Summary: In the aftermath of September 11th, 2001 a cardiologist volunteers to help process the body parts from those who lost their lives in a temporary morgue inside a Brooks Brothers department store.Today’s episode featured Sandeep Jauhar. Sandeep has written three books. His first book, "Intern: A Doctor's Initiation," "Doctored: The Disillusionment of an American Physician," and his latest book, "Heart: A History," tells the colorful and little-known story of the doctors who risked their careers and the patients who risked their lives to know and heal our most vital organ. A practicing cardiologist, Jauhar is currently a contributing opinion writer for The New York Times. He has appeared frequently on National Public Radio, CNN, and MSNBC to discuss issues related to medicine, and his essays have also been published in The Wall Street Journal, Time, and Slate. To learn more about him and his work, visit his website at http://sandeepjauhar.com or follow him on Twitter: @sjauhar.Twenty Years after the attacks of September 11th changed the world as we knew it, this month the This Is Actually Happening podcast dives deep into the stories of four survivors whose jobs brought them face to face with the unthinkable. For those called to manage an impossible tragedy up close, the events of September 11th represented a uniquely horrifying challenge. Among the harrowing details of that day, in the special series, we explore the long shadows of trauma and resilience that continue to inform the looming uncertainties that remain with us today. Social Media: Instagram: @actuallyhappeningWebsite: www.thisisactuallyhappening.com Wondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusContent/Trigger Warnings: terrorism, graphic bodily injury, graphic medical scenarios, explicit languageSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Engage with the Community: Join the This Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic and Sound Design by: Marcelino Villalpando  ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“You try not to think about the fact that you really think you’re going to die here…that it’s totally out of control.” Producers: Whit Missildine, Andrew WaitsEpisode Summary: On September 11th, 2001, the first female firefighter in the New York City Fire Department confronts the impossible tasks of that day and the skewed narratives that followed.Today's episode featured Captain (ret.) Brenda Berkman. Since her retirement from the New York City Fire Department in 2006, Brenda serves as a volunteer guide at the 9/11 Memorial, is Vice-President for Programs for the women’s history organization Monumental Women (monumentalwomen.org) and pursues her passion for printmaking, specializing in stone lithography. You can see her artwork at www.brendaberkmanartworks.com.Twenty Years after the attacks of September 11th changed the world as we knew it, this month the This Is Actually Happening podcast dives deep into the stories of four survivors whose jobs brought them face to face with the unthinkable. For those called to manage an impossible tragedy up close, the events of September 11th represented a uniquely horrifying challenge. Among the harrowing details of that day, in the special series, we explore the long shadows of trauma and resilience that continue to inform the looming uncertainties that remain with us today. Social Media: Instagram: @actuallyhappeningWebsite: www.thisisactuallyhappening.com Website for Andrew Waits: http://andrdewwaits.com/ Wondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Engage with the Community: Join the This Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Content/Trigger Warnings: terrorism, death, graphic violence, explicit language Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic and Sound Design by: Marcelino Villalpando ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“It’s not like there was time to ponder your fate…you just thought, we’re powerless to get out of the building….This is it.” Producers: Whit MissildineEpisode Summary: A Port Authority employee narrowly escapes from the 68th floor after a plane hits the World Trade Center on September 11th, 2001, but the most devastating impact comes from the psychological wounds that haunt her life for decades after. Today's episode featured Kayla Bergeron. In addition to serving as chief of public and government affairs for The Port Authority of New York and New Jersey, Kayla has also served in senior roles for the New York State Housing Finance Agency and South Florida Water Management District, the lead agency restoring America's Everglades. Kayla currently resides in Suwanne, Georgia and serves as Program Director, and as a Certified Peer Support Specialist -Addictive Disease (C.P.S.- A.D.), for The Connection Forsyth, a 501c3 non profit recovery community organization, based in Cumming, Georgia. Kayla works as a social media consultant for Special Equestrians of Georgia, in Milton, Georgia, also a 501c3 non profit, where she participates in equine-assisted therapy.Kayla recently started a gofundme for Special Equestrians of Georgia, where she receives equine-assisted therapy for PTSD. Last year, Special Equestrians of Georgia (SEG), based in Milton, GA, had to close down its hippotherapy program due to COVID-19 and safety concerns. As a result, many of the horses had to be rehomed. Currently, SEG provides equine-assisted therapy for teens and adults with mental health challenges, including depression, PTSD, anxiety and trauma. With COVID-19 Delta variant hovering, Special Equestrians of Georgia may be forced to shut down its doors -- for good. It costs approximately $3,000 to fund the program, which includes feeding and special dietary needs, farrier, veterinarian, medicine and facility maintenance. Please help by donating to Special Equestrians of Georgia.This episode is part of a special, four-part series called The Long Shadow. Twenty Years after the attacks of September 11th changed the world as we knew it, this month the This Is Actually Happening podcast dives deep into the stories of four survivors whose jobs brought them face to face with the unthinkable. For those called to manage an impossible tragedy up close, the events of September 11th represented a uniquely horrifying challenge. Among the harrowing details of that day, we explore the long shadows of trauma and resilience that continue to inform the looming uncertainties that remain with us today. Social Media: Instagram: @actuallyhappeningWebsite: www.thisisactuallyhappening.com Wondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Engage with the Community: Join the This Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Content/Trigger Warnings: violence, sexual assault, injury, terrorism, mention of suicide, alcoholism, addiction, mental illness explicit language Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic and Sound Design by: Marcelino Villalpando ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“The world looks like it’s coming to an end, and another cloud comes over…Everything goes dark, and the world is covered in dust.” Producers: Whit Missildine, Andrew WaitsEpisode Summary: On September 11th, 2001 an ER Doctor finds himself in charge of the closest emergency room to the Twin Towers.Today's episode featured Tony Dajer. Tony was born in New York City, grew up in Puerto Rico, and has been practicing as an ER Doctor in New York for 30 years. You can read one of Tony's articles called "Vital Signs" featured in Discover Magazine at www.discovermagazine.com/health/vital-signs-37.This episode is part of a special, four-part series called The Long Shadow. Twenty Years after the attacks of September 11th changed the world as we knew it, this month the This Is Actually Happening podcast dives deep into the stories of four survivors whose jobs brought them face to face with the unthinkable. For those called to manage an impossible tragedy up close, the events of September 11th represented a uniquely horrifying challenge. Among the harrowing details of that day, we explore the long shadows of trauma and resilience that continue to inform the looming uncertainties that remain with us today. Social Media: Instagram: @actuallyhappeningWebsite: www.thisisactuallyhappening.com Website for Andrew Waits: http://andrdewwaits.com/Special Thanks: To all who helped make this series happen - Ellen Westberg, Andrew Waits, Marcelino Villalpando, Gabriella Quintana, Emily Caldwell, and Jason Blalock. Wondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Engage with the Community: Join the This Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Content/Trigger Warnings: violence, graphic bodily injury, terrorism, explicit language Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic and Sound Design by: Marcelino Villalpando ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“There’s really no way to explain how it feels when you realize one decision you made in an instant altered the life of everyone around you.” Producers: Whit Missildine, Andrew Waits Episode Summary: A woman who finally finds her sense of purpose after a tumultuous upbringing realizes a mother’s ultimate horror.Website for Andrew Waits: http://andrdewwaits.com/ Social Media: Instagram: @actuallyhappeningWebsite: www.thisisactuallyhappening.comWondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Engage with the Community: Join the This Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Content/Trigger Warnings: domestic violence, drug use, alcoholism, suicidal ideation, suicide attempt, self harm, infant death, graphic injury, sexual assault, explicit language Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: “Re-Entry” – Lee Rosevere ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741 See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“All the reality that I had been putting off, and all of the denial, it all crashed in on me.” Producers: Whit Missildine, Jason BlalockEpisode Summary: Growing up in the closet with a mentally ill mother, a man finds his true love, but as their past continues to weigh in, the only remedy he knows threatens to consume everything he’s built.Today's episode featured Gabriel. Gabriel is now a psychiatric social worker and licensed therapist in Orange County, California. You can find out more about Gabriel on Instagram @gabriel.emmm. Website for Jason Blalock: www.jasonblalock.com Social Media: Instagram: @actuallyhappeningWebsite: www.thisisactuallyhappening.comWondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Engage with the Community: Join the This Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Content/Trigger Warnings: drug abuse, drug addiction, opioids, overdose, death, suicide, explicit language Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: Ambient Themes by Nigel Coutinho ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“I was too ashamed to reach out and say, ‘Look, I don’t understand what’s happening, I think I’m going crazy…please help me.’” Producers: Whit Missildine, Matt VollaEpisode Summary: Following early experiences of isolation and bullying, a man assigned female at birth finds a beautiful friendship, that soon descends into a bewildering cycle of gaslighting and obsession.    Today's episode featured Vel Ryder. You can find out more about Vel on Twitter and Instagram @whiskeyandspite. Website for Matt Volla: www.mattvolla.com Social Media: Instagram: @actuallyhappeningWebsite: www.thisisactuallyhappening.comWondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Engage with the Community: Join the This Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Content/Trigger Warnings: suicidal thinking, mental illness, gaslighting, psychological abuse, explicit language Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: “Uncertain Outcomes/Embers” – SkyeVoyager https://linktr.ee/SkyeVoyager  ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“When I knew I was dying, I knew that I wasn’t going to have the anxiety or the OCD brain, it was just going to be over.” Producers: Whit MissildineEpisode Summary: A woman with severe harm OCD encounters the many faces of death and dying but finds renewal in caring for others and ultimately herselfToday's episode featured Rachel. You can find out more about her on Facebook at fb.com/RachelHillestad. Social Media: Instagram: @actuallyhappeningWebsite: www.thisisactuallyhappening.comWondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Engage with the Community: Join the This Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Content/Trigger Warnings: homicidal thoughts, harm OCD, death, sexual assault, mention of suicide, suicidal thoughts, explicit language Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: “Cylinder Four/Five” – Chris Zabriskie ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“That’s me, and I’m dead. But if that’s me, then who am I?” Producers: Whit MissildineEpisode Summary: After surviving a brutal upbringing in the South Bronx, a man finds himself on the other side of death following a minor accident and returns with a profound awakening. Today's episode featured Jose Hernandez. You can find out more about Jose and the work he is doing at: https://innerimmersion.org where you can sign up to join the community and participate in the free Monthly conversations, "Evening Joe". To learn more about Jose's art check out his gallery at https://www.josehernandezfineart.com.You can see Jose featured in the Netflix docuseries, "Surviving Death.” If you're interested in learning more about near-death experiences, Jose will be a featured speaker at the IANDS conference this year. IANDS stands for the International Association for Near Death Studies. He will be presenting "Embracing the Masculine: Helping Men make the Shift into the New Paradigm" with Randy Kolibaba, a highly decorated Canadian RCMP officer. IANDS have arranged to offer Jose and Randy's talk free to veterans so if there is a veteran in your life you think could benefit from hearing this talk, please direct them to IANDS and ask for Diane Cocoran  https://iands.org Social Media: Instagram: @actuallyhappeningWebsite: www.thisisactuallyhappening.comWondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Engage with the Community: Join the This Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Content/Trigger Warnings: near death experience, domestic abuse, murder, gruesome violence, suicidal thinking, explicit language Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: “Union Flow” - Spuntic ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

"No one can even understand. You can't measure the magnitude of that pain. You can't measure the pain that we went through." Producer: Whit Missildine Episode Summary: A refugee recounts her experience of the horror and devastation of the Rwandan genocide. This episode is part of the Summer 2021 rebroadcast series, featuring listener favorites from the back catalogue. All episodes in this rebroadcast series were released prior to episode #130, which are currently exclusive to the Wondery Plus. Today’s episode originally aired as #113 in August 2018Wondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusSocial Media: Instagram: @actuallyhappeningWebsite: www.thisisactuallyhappening.com Support the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Engage with the Community: Join the This Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Content/Trigger Warnings: extreme violence, war, genocide, murder, assault, explicit language Intro Music: ""Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed:   "Cylinder Four" - Chris Zabriskie; "Water" - Johannes Welsch ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

"The hardest part is that I still don't have any answers...what came into my house that night?" Producer: Whit Missildine Episode Summary: A musician is sideswiped by a sudden break into a nightmarish world that will not let him go This episode is part of the Summer 2021 rebroadcast series, featuring listener favorites from the back catalogue. All episodes in this rebroadcast series were released prior to episode #130, which are currently exclusive to the Wondery Plus. Today’s episode originally aired as #103 in November 2017Wondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusSocial Media: Instagram: @actuallyhappeningWebsite: www.thisisactuallyhappening.com Support the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Engage with the Community: Join the This Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Content/Trigger Warnings: sexual violence, hallucination, explicit language Intro Music: ""Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed:   Original Score & Sound Design: Ryan Black - ryanblack.io ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741 See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“It was just full chills over my body, tears in my eyes, it was that moment of I don’t know, I don’t understand, I don’t know.” Producers: Whit Missildine, Jason BlalockEpisode Summary: A woman who seeks awakening through myriad healing practices finds her ultimate challenge when she goes missing in a Maui forest. Today's episode featured Dr. Amanda Eller. You can find out more about Amanda by going to AmandaEllerPT.com. You can also find her on Instagram: @amandaeellerAnd on Facebook: @amandaeeller. Amanda is currently living on the island of Maui and is offering her healing services to both the local and global community through in-person and online sessions.   Social Media: Instagram: @actuallyhappeningShow Website: www.thisisactuallyhappening.comWebsite for Jason Blalock: https://jasonblalock.com Wondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plus Support the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happeningEngage with the Community: Join the This Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Content/Trigger Warnings: near death, eating disorder, body dysmorphia, hallucinations, explicit language  Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: “Re-Entry” – Lee Rosevere ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“The not knowing is awful, and it’s awful from day one and it’s awful thirty years later, but every day that goes by you get more and more in reality.” Producers: Whit Missildine, Jason BlalockEpisode Summary: Decades after her brother disappeared in the early 1980s, a woman becomes deeply involved in the search for a missing friend.  Today’s episode featured Sarah Haynes. Somebody out there knows something about her brother Jon Haynes, who went missing in Boulder July 1981 just days after arriving for college. If you know anything, please contact the Boulder police department. There is a $10,000 reward for info leading to his body, his car, or for information about who may have harmed him https://apps.colorado.gov/apps/coldcase/casedetail.html?id=258 Sarah’s Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/sarahspitfire  Her animal sanctuary on Maui is called Kitty Charm Farm and the Facebook page is:https://www.facebook.com/KittyCharmFarm Website for Jason Blalock: https://jasonblalock.com Social Media: Instagram: @actuallyhappeningWebsite: www.thisisactuallyhappening.comWondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plus Support the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Engage with the Community: Join the This Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Content/Trigger Warnings: missing person, abusive threats, explicit language Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: Ambient Themes by Nigel Coutinho ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“It planted a seed in my mind that has never ever gone away even now that people might not be who they say they are.” Producers: Whit Missildine, Andrew Waits Episode Summary: A woman is haunted by a relentless threat of danger when her pursuit of safety turns into obsession.Today’s episode featured Hannah. Hannah is a writer living in California. If you’d like to reach out, you can email her at [email protected] Website for Andrew Waits: http://andrdewwaits.com/ Social Media: Instagram: @actuallyhappeningWebsite: www.thisisactuallyhappening.comWondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Engage with the Community: Join the This Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Content/Trigger Warnings: domestic abuse, mention of suicide, mention of murder, criminal activity, sexual assault, explicit language Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: “Uncertain Outcomes/Embers” – SkyeVoyager https://linktr.ee/SkyeVoyager ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“I felt like I was sort of drifting along as something besides human, like I had stepped onto another planet inside my head.” Producers: Whit Missildine Episode Summary: A man haunted by an early childhood trauma finally establishes his own identity only to be sideswiped by another unwanted, shocking exposure. This episode featured Michael McAllister. He's a writer working on a book-length memoir, and you can find out more about him at his blog, dogpoet.com, or on Instagram at @dogpoetmike. Social Media: Instagram: @actuallyhappeningWebsite: www.thisisactuallyhappening.comWondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Engage with the Community: Join the This Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Content/Trigger Warnings: sexual assault, child molestation, suicidal ideation, terminal illness, explicit language Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: “Cylinder Four/Five” – Chris Zabriskie ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741 See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“You are in absolute darkness, and until you are in that kind of situation it’s hard to understand what darkness is.” Producers: Whit Missildine Episode Summary: A lifelong traveler heads out for a quick bike ride in the Swiss Alps and finds herself lost in a dark, icy unknown.Today's episode featured Ava Chisling. Ava is a media lawyer and writer from Montreal. You can find out more about her on her website, avachisling.com. Waiting for herd immunity before she can travel again, Ava is hard at work in her hometown, where her chances of getting lost are only 53%. Social Media: Instagram: @actuallyhappeningWebsite: www.thisisactuallyhappening.comWondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Engage with the Community: Join the This Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Content/Trigger Warnings: mention of suicide, near death, explicit language Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: “Union Flow” - Spuntic ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741 See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“The person who was pulling was just stronger than the person who wanted a perfect life.” Producers: Whit Missildine, Andrew Waits Episode Summary: Growing up with a close, religious family a young woman’s aspiration for perfect beauty turns her into the very image of herself she was afraid of. Today’s episode featured Caroline. To learn more about Trichotillomania, go to www.bfrb.org. There you can find additional information about Trichotillomania and other body-focused repetitive behaviors, as well as support groups and helpful resources. Social Media: Instagram: @actuallyhappeningWebsite: www.thisisactuallyhappening.com Website for Andrew Waits: www.andrdewwaits.comWondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Engage with the Community: Join the This Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Content/Trigger Warnings: body dysmorphia, trichotillomania, explicit language Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: “Re-Entry” – Lee Rosevere ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“I was really lost and I was so incredibly desperate for someone to love me…and to fill the void that had kind of been opened in me .” Producers: Whit Missildine, Matt Volla Episode Summary: Following an early childhood trauma, a woman seeks to fill the void with a series of unhealthy relationships, until a fairytale romance promises to be everything she ever wanted Today's guest prefers to remain anonymous, but if you'd like to reach out to her directly, you can email at [email protected], or connect on Discord at HerSavePoint#5365. Social Media: Instagram: @actuallyhappeningWebsite: www.thisisactuallyhappening.com Website for Matt Volla: www.mattvolla.comWondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Engage with the Community: Join the This Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Content/Trigger Warnings: childhood trauma, childhood sexual assault, rape, explicit language Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: Ambient Themes by Nigel Coutinho ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“That feeling that you get when you find out an important piece of information, that ‘aha moment’ was happening constantly. I felt as if somebody put my brain into a microwave.” Producers: Whit Missildine, Andrew Waits Episode Summary: Growing up in a home of abandonment and neglect, a teenager finds a grand, new reality in the rabbit hole of addiction until they can no longer find their way back. Today’s guest prefers to remain anonymous, but if you’d like to reach out to them, you can email at [email protected] Social Media: Instagram: @actuallyhappeningWebsite: www.thisisactuallyhappening.com Website for Andrew Waits: www.andrdewwaits.comWondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Engage with the Community: Join the This Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Content/Trigger Warnings: psychosis, drug use, child neglect, childhood trauma, explicit language Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: “Enter the Lair/Drone” – SkyeVoyager https://linktr.ee/SkyeVoyager ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741 See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“I was just left fighting this invisible thing inside me, the root of which I didn’t know.” Producers: Whit Missildine Episode Summary: A woman grows up with an idyllic childhood in Scotland, when a phobia of mysterious origin begins consuming her thoughts and eventually her future Today’s episode featured Rachel.   Social Media: Instagram: @actuallyhappeningWebsite: www.thisisactuallyhappening.com Wondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Engage with the Community: Join the This Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Content/Trigger Warnings: emetophobia, agoraphobia, panic attacks, depression, explicit language Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: Sk”Cylinder Four/Five” – Chris Zabriskie ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“In horror movies there’s this beautiful moment for the protagonist where the monster’s real, everyone can see it…but a lot of times in real life, there isn’t a neatly wrapped up ending.”  Producers: Whit Missildine, Jason Blalock Episode Summary: A young man growing up in an abusive home falls into a whirlwind romance that throws him into another cycle of chaos Social Media: Instagram: @actuallyhappeningWebsite: www.thisisactuallyhappening.com Website for Jason Blalock: www.jasonblalock.com Wondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at https://wondery.com/plusSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Engage with the Community: Join the This Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Content/Trigger Warnings: domestic violence, drug use, explicit language Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: “Union Flow” - Spuntic ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources.National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“I cannot get over the fact that this actually happened. It felt strangely prophetic.” Producers: Whit Missildine, Andrew Waits Episode Summary: Growing up with an unreliable mother, a woman develops severe OCD with multiple phobias, until she must confront the most improbable scenario Social Media: Instagram: @actuallyhappeningWebsite: www.thisisactuallyhappening.com Andrew Waits Website: andrdewwaits.com/Support the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Engage with the Community: Join the This Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Content/Trigger Warnings: OCD, obsessive thoughts, health anxiety, cancer, explicit language Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: “Uncertain Outcomes/Embers” – SkyeVoyager https://linktr.ee/SkyeVoyager ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources.National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“I was forced into being vulnerable, I was forced into being present, I was forced into existing suddenly with my lights turned on.” Producers: Whit Missildine, Sara Marinelli Episode Summary: Grappling with her identity and disruptive health anxiety, a woman reaches in adulthood with a dream job and strong community, when suddenly her worst-case scenario becomes a reality.Today's episode featured Natalia Provatas. Natalia is a Writer from Los Angeles. You can find out more about her on Instagram @chola4hire, and on her website, nataliaprovatas.com. Since we recorded this episode, Natalia's treatment has been going well, she is living independently again and working on her Memoir Ghosting My Death Doula, a series of funny essays about her battle with breast cancer.   Social Media: Instagram: @actuallyhappeningWebsite: www.thisisactuallyhappening.com Sara Marinelli Website: www.saramarinelli.comSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Engage with the Community: Join the This Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Content/Trigger Warnings: graphic medical descriptions, near death experience, cancer, explicit language Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: “Re-Entry” – Lee Rosevere ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources.National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741 See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“No matter how hard you fight against having no change in your life, it’s going to come anyway.” Producers: Whit Missildine Episode Summary: Growing up in an environment of constant change, a woman vows to find a different path to stability, only to have a shocking revelation turn her world upside down Social Media: Instagram: @actuallyhappeningWebsite: www.thisisactuallyhappening.com Support the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Engage with the Community: Join the This Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Content/Trigger Warnings: suicidal ideation, domestic abuse, child neglect, explicit language Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: Ambient Themes by Nigel Coutinho ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources.National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“If you could imagine having thoughts that frightened you, then other times they made you believe things about your perception or what you were seeing weren’t real or distorted…you would do anything to stop it.” Producers: Whit Missildine, Matt Volla Episode Summary: After making a successful career and surviving several tumultuous relationships, a woman descends into the darkest depths of severe mental illnessToday’s episode featured Melissa. You can find out more about her on her website, ifnotnowthenwhen.website/, which is still in progress, but which she hopes to create as a resource for others with similar struggles.Social Media: Instagram: @actuallyhappeningWebsite: www.thisisactuallyhappening.comWebsite for Matt Volla: mattvolla.comSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/happening Engage with the Community: Join the This Is Actually Happening Discussion Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/201783687561039/ Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: https://www.thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Content/Trigger Warnings: mental illness, suicide attempt, sexual assault, psychosis, explicit language Intro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: “Cylinder Four/Five” – Chris Zabriskie ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources.National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)Crisis Text Line: Within the US, text HOME to 741741See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.