They Come to America

Ah, New Jersey, where the men are angry sentient grease, the women are mistresses, the children are diners and strip malls, the young adults are pollution and capicola is gabagool. All this and more absolutely inexplicable nonsense as we're joined by Marti's future brother-in-law, Nick Tazza of Algernon Cadwallader to discuss the state that god forgot. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to Minnesota featuring Tane Graves from the mighty Tightwire. Minnesota has been called a lot of things: the place where Fargo is (it's not), mean Wisconsin (eh..more true than you may think), and the Canadian south (completely true). Come for the snow, stay for the hot dish, then die and hear the whisperings all about how you really let yourself go in those last few months from beyond the grave. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

After what I'm sure seemed like an aimless 40-year roam through the desert without your favorite podcast, we're back! Friend of the show Tim Browne of Elway fame joins us once more and we do what we do best: aimlessly bullshit. There are facts! There are stories! And there's probably some other stuff too. I forget. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We are joined by the star of Uncle Peckerhead, Jeff Riddle this week. Anyhow, what can we say about Pennsylvania that we couldn't say about any spot anywhere where people eat horseshit to celebrate sports victories and throw batteries at their enemies like some sort of perverse tradition? Come for the liberty bell, stay for the deeply encrusted grime that saturates every single surface in every city. OR, go to the country and fuck someone with a beard through a sheet. The choice is yours, yo. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What can you say about Georgia that can't be said about John Wayne Gacy: it fucks children up for life, it's fat, it's adorable and every once in a while the incomparable Corey Ryan Forrester pulls out long enough for us to chat with him. This is one for the ages. Corey is a lot funnier than most and also a lot smarter than most. Which, he's from Georgia? Weird. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Massholes, massdongs, masclams and mastits, get ready for the most uncompromisingly grating episode yet. This week we visit Massachusetts with Tom from new Red Scare Industries signees No Trigger. Massachusetts truly has everything: racists, chowder, racism, insufferable sports teams, and also racism. If you haven't signed up for our Patreon yet, you'll miss out on stories that include someone getting stabbed in the head with a toothbrush and a fire of sorts. If you're one of our patrons, congrats on not being a cheap fuck. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

When the ground is salt and the beer is illegal, where do you turn? That's right, weird religion. Join us as we discuss the only state in America where you can kinda get away with having a few wives. We're happy to host Justin Yates, engineer to the stars, as we dissect this impossibly boring layer of earth's discarded pie crust. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What happens when you hit up your homie from Utah to do your podcast? His tour bus breaks down and he blows it completely. So instead, we bring you quite possibly the most epic They Come To America yet. Marti and Beex bring you facts about literally everything and stories from our Illinois lives. One of these stories is only 2 weeks old. Don't sleep on this one, because unlike the rest of em, it's good. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Ah, alaska, where the men are men and the women are holes in mattresses. Join us as we examine the absolutely stupidest state that people pretend to like just so they can try to seem interesting. Fun fact: Um, nope. there are none. Get ready to die, folks. that's what this state of preppers has been doing since before you were born. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Featuring Aaron SMALL HANDS Thompson, we delve into the state that literally has no redeeming qualities: California. Witness the majesty of the coastlines (yawn) and the grandiosity of the mountains (boring) and also all the weird monster energy drink neck tattoos you can possibly eat. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Join Marti and Brendan as they venture into the brave new world of OnlyFans, where there will be more content and probably a few shots of their testicles here and there. But wait! There's more! If you listen to this episode you'll be treated to not one, not two, but three stories about their hometown of Chicago, at least one of which features a gigantic penis. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Fat Mike of NOFX, the first guy everyone thinks of when they think of West Virginia, joins us to discuss the ins and outs of your cousin's underpants, the pharmacy, and the place where they cook the possum you just hit on the way into town. In other words, it's an oxy snorting, cousin humping, roadkill eating good time. Come for the two-dollar steaks, stay because you got arrested for murder after sleeping in a dead girl's bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well! It's They Come to America's one-year anniversary and we are gonna blow off a few fingers as we light a few Donald Trump-branded fireworks and then we're gonna get down to brass tacks. Facts? We got em. Stories about the two most totally hardcore American states ever: Texas and Vermont. We got em too along with an (actually good) story from Marti from his time in the wild savannah that is Chicago, Illinois. Dig this beautiful achievement or forever regret it. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Much like the average number of teeth of the average Alabamian, there are three of us on this sojourn into Alabama. We're joined by friend of the show Stu Thompson who rolled a little Tide in college and we discuss everything from what makes Alabama the physical embodiment of a cheeseburger sandwiched between two donuts to having sex with cousins (not ours). Part two gets fucked up so dig part one while you can. Booya. Ahem, I meant Yeehah! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week, we're in Alabama! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week: We brought the unbelievably funny and awesome Shane Torres to help us discuss the merriest land of them all: Maryland. What can you say about Maryland besides that it has a very regrettable accent? Well, down in the Chesapeake region, when you think rats, you think DC. When you think mouth-breathing Jarheads, you think Virginia. Yo, not so faaaast billy ray! Welcome to Maryland, where all the suburban rats of DC and all the mouth-breathing jarheads from various nearby bases gather in one boring/dangerous place to conspire to hopefully ruin your day. Come for the complete lack of any semblance of culture, stay because you're stuck in a traffic jam. Also something about the Wire and crabs. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We brought the unbelievably funny and awesome Shane Torres to help us discuss the merriest land of them all: Maryland. What can you say about Maryland besides that it has a very regrettable accent? Well, down in the Chesapeake region, when you think rats, you think DC. When you think mouth-breathing Jarheads, you think Virginia. Yo, not so faaaast billy ray! Welcome to Maryland, where all the suburban rats of DC and all the mouth-breathing jarheads from various nearby bases gather in one boring/dangerous place to conspire to hopefully ruin your day. Come for the complete lack of any semblance of culture, stay because you're stuck in a traffic jam. Also something about the Wire and crabs. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Just like when Michigan transformed from being a thriving and bustling auto making state with strong union affiliation into being a place where everyone is unemployed except your aunt who works for a pyramid scheme, and where the water pipes kill you, our podcast about Michigan also has a part two. Here it is. Help us Kid Rock! You're our only hope. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Featuring world-class visual artist Sean Nader! Remember when Michigan went out of business completely? So does Michigan. Join the likes of kid rock and that "it's so cold in the D" lady and basically everyone besides Eminem and ICP and let's talk about it. come for the highly offensive white rappers. Stay because the state's gas stations all ran out of gas. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.