The 4 Love Lies We Must Unlearn to Heal Ourselves and Our Relationships
The Warrior Mindset Podcast · Chitra Rochlani
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Show Notes
I’ve been thinking a lot about the invisible patterns we inherit—the ones that quietly dictate how we love, parent, and show up in the world. This week on The Warrior Mindset, I had the absolute pleasure of speaking with Sanya Bari, a relationship transformation coach and spiritual psychologist whose story and method shook something awake in me.
Sanya's journey started with a promise she made to herself at the age of nine: to figure out how to love without getting hurt. That quest led her through traditional therapy, years of clinical practice, and eventually to what she now calls The Love Clarity Method. It was born not just from education but from personal heartbreak, betrayal, and what she described as her “final act of control”—a suicide attempt that, by some miracle, she survived.
But what came after wasn’t a perfect transformation—it was clarity.
Clarity that the love we give isn’t always pure. That sometimes it’s wrapped in guilt, duty, role-playing, or expectations. That we say "I love you" but what we really mean is "I need you to be who I want you to be."
The Four Love Lies
Through her lived experience and practice, Sanya uncovered four “love lies” that most of us unconsciously operate from:
* Guilt – Loving from a place of “I owe you this.”
* Over-responsibility – Taking on more than what belongs to us, robbing others of their growth.
* Role-Playing – Acting out the part we think we’re supposed to play instead of being real.
* Transaction – Giving love to get a certain result, even if it’s disguised as care.
When she spoke about catching herself in real-time—about to give her son advice at the airport—only to realize she was projecting fear, not love... I felt that. I’ve had those moments too. Where my desire to protect my child masked a deeper desire to control. Where love wasn’t unconditional; it came with strings.
It made me pause and ask: Where am I loving from?
That one question might change everything.
Healing Beyond Psychology
Sanya also talked about how traditional psychology took her to the threshold of understanding—but not beyond. The missing piece for her was soul. When she discovered that the word “psyche” actually means soul in Latin, something clicked.
She enrolled in the University of Santa Monica and became a spiritual psychologist. Today, she weaves together therapeutic tools, soul work, and transformational coaching in a way that bridges logic with the unseen. Her method doesn’t just ask what happened to us—but also, what did we believe because of it?
And then it invites us to forgive ourselves.
A New Paradigm of Love
As children of immigrants—especially in South Asian or other collectivist cultures—many of us were raised with the belief that love equals sacrifice. That success means fitting a mold. That parenting is control. And asking for help? That was weakness.
But that version of love is breaking down. Our generation is the bridge. We have the opportunity to shift from survival to thriving—but only if we pause. Reflect. Ask for help. Break the cycle.
I know this work isn’t easy. It requires more than willpower. It requires self-compassion, community, and new frameworks—like the one Sanya shared.
If any part of this resonates with you, I encourage you to sit with this one question today: Where am I loving from?
You might be surprised at what surfaces.
With gratitude,Chitra
✨ Resources Mentioned:
* Explore The Love Clarity Inner Circle: www.sanyabari.com/love-clarity-inner-circle
* Book Recommendation: Conscious Loving by Kathlyn and Gay Hendricks
* Quote from Rumi: “The task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
Do you have an inspiring story of resilience, healing, or transformation? We’d love to hear from you! Share your story and apply to be a guest on the podcast using this form.
Book a Reading or Discovery Call
If you’re ready to explore your next steps toward alignment and fulfillment, book a personalized reading or discovery call with Chitra Rochlani. Learn more and book here.
A Reminder for You
If you’re struggling right now, remember this: You’ve already survived 100% of your hardest days. Take it one small step at a time, and don’t hesitate to reach out for support.
About the Creator
Chitra Rochlani is a Wellness Coach, Speaker, and best-selling author of She’s on a mission to help her clients eliminate stress and loneliness, feel more aligned, and live a life of fulfillment and passion.As a medium and intuitive healer, she educates and empowers her clients to tap into their most underutilized superpower—their intuition—to navigate their lives and make WINx3 decisions.She uses her P.F.H. (Peel, Feel, Heal) framework to inspire transformation through:
* Seminars
* Interactive workshops
* 1:1 and group intuitive readings
* Monthly membership program (The Warrior Mindset Collective)
Follow Chitra on:
* Website
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