The Relaxed Leader

For years, “empowerment” has been a popular buzzword among senior managers and executives. Oh, they love to talk about it and pontificate on how important it is and blah blah blah. But then they turn around and undermine it, creating an environment where true empowerment is avoided like the plague.In organizations like that, those of us who strive to be Relaxed Leaders have to answer a couple questions. How do we start truly empowering people if our senior leadership doesn’t really seem to support it? What can a first-line supervisor (or even a mid-level manager) do to promote empowerment when the organization is risk-averse and incentivizes the opposite behavior?One of the best places to begin is by getting very good at effective delegation. And trust me when I say that most people don’t really understand it and definitely aren’t very good at it!Listen to this episode of The Relaxed Leader podcast to hear why effective delegation is the foundation for empowerment and then learn The Six Steps of Highly Effective Delegation! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.relaxedleader.com

So much of what we do, how we act, and how we react to everything that happens in our lives, comes from our understanding of where we fit into the story. Do we see ourselves as supporting cast? As an extra, just hanging around to complete the overall scene? Maybe even the villain? Or do we make the mistake that too many stressed-out leaders make, and assume that we’re the main character?As Relaxed Leaders, we should believe that we are not the main character. It’s not all on us and it’s certainly not all about us; but we can still play a pivotal role. We’ll have our exits and entrances, and we’ll play lots of different parts. The key is to remember that even though we can only see the stage from our perspective, the action isn’t always revolving around us. And it doesn’t need to. Listen to this episode of The Relaxed Leader podcast to learn why thinking of yourself as the “main character” is selfish, detrimental to those around you, and disastrous for you as both a person and as a leader! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.relaxedleader.com

I’m adamant about testing what we think we’ve learned because sometimes our successes are just dumb luck. And we also tend to forget (or ignore) the fact that correlation doesn’t necessarily equal causation. That’s why it’s so easy to learn the wrong lessons from success. Hell, that’s why athletes and their fans have so many strange superstitions. Lucky socks. Lucky happy dance. Lucky beer and hot wings! Whatever. They wore something or did something weird or ate a certain food… and then they experienced some huge win… so now they attribute that success to the clothing or ritual or food or whatever and they repeat the behavior to help ensure wins in the future. It’s easy to spot these superstitions in athletes and their fans but similar things can happen in business too. People learn the wrong lessons from their successes; they don’t validate what they think they learned; and then they end up doing things that either don’t matter or that actually makes things more difficult. Doing weird, seemingly unnecessary things might be fine for athletes because it can help put them in the right frame of mind to focus and win... but business isn’t quite the same. Weird, unnecessary stuff in business is called WASTE and it needs to be eliminated, not continued.Listen to this episode of The Relaxed Leader podcast to learn a process to review and reflect in a way that will help you learn the right lessons from your experiences. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.relaxedleader.com

Relaxed Leaders focus on making improvements while trying to be considerate of the interests of others – but that doesn’t mean that everything we do has to immediately benefit everyone. In fact, many of the improvements we need to make are improvements to ourselves. The benefit of self-improvement is that it allows us to do even more impactful work for others.It’s easy to get fired up and try to make dramatic, wholesale changes to our own lives… but that approach almost always fails. Taking a more incremental, step-by-step approach, is far more effective than going “all in” on a new routine or ritual. Trying to add a new, complex system of behaviors into our lives overnight is generally a bad idea. It doesn’t mean we can’t change; it just means we have to go about it more methodically and take smaller steps along the way. We can definitely go from Zero to Hero – just not overnight! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.relaxedleader.com

A few years ago, I read all about the wonders of rising early – about all the AMAZING things you can accomplish if you get out of bed while most of humanity is still drooling on their pillows – and I bought into it. You can’t blame me. There are countless people online raving about the life-changing impact of getting up before the sun. I figured I’d be up at 5 AM takin’ care of business, sipping coffee while unicorns were farting rainbows as the sun was rising and the birds were singing Bachman Turner Overdrive on my windowsill! WooHoo!Well, I sure wish I could get a refund on all the time I wasted trying to become an “early riser.” After all was said and done, I finally came to the realization that Relaxed Leaders don’t need watch the sunrise and, frankly, EARLY BIRDS SUCK! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.relaxedleader.com

One critical factor in all of the various areas of self-improvement and personal development is the ability to change or eliminate existing habits and create new habits designed to support your improvement and development goals. The most important habit you can develop is the habit of monitoring and improving your habits. You’ll get better by developing the habit of studying the things you're doing in order to actually get better. Develop the habit of working on your habits and you’ll have a skill that will help you throughout all aspects of your life. It’s the habit meta habit and it’s a very powerful tool for any Relaxed Leader! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.relaxedleader.com

Relaxed Leaders aren’t stressed because we aren’t standing still – we need to make progress. We need to move ahead and help everyone else do the same – but we can’t do that well unless we cultivate a true “growth mindset.”We need to look for challenges that’ll push us beyond the edges of our comfort zones and we must be confident that we’re capable of so much more than we’re doing today. With a “growth mindset,” we’ll create aspirational – and inspirational – visions that will propel us towards a better future. We’ll think BIG, act SMALL, and move QUICKLY, to keep driving towards that vision no matter what it takes because we know that even if we can’t do it today, it just means we haven’t mastered it yet.To learn more about goal-setting, check out these two blog posts:* Do You Suck at Goals? Goal-setting is easy. Execution is hard!* Think BIG! The only goal-setting framework you’ll ever need. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.relaxedleader.com

Ben Franklin said, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” It’s a maxim that our organizations should definitely take to heart. We’re always gonna need people who can solve problems because no system or process is perfect. Problems WILL occur – but the most cost-effective approach, as Franklin points out, is to prevent them in the first place. Study after study has shown that it almost always takes far fewer resources to prevent problems than to solve them, but our organizations have to start incentivizing the right type of leaders – Relaxed Leaders – who are focused on problem prevention.Relaxed Leaders need to be Problem Preventers and we need to do whatever it takes to show others the value in taking that approach. It might not be glamorous and it might appear, from the outside, to be slow and even a bit boring. But you’ll find that getting GREAT at problem prevention will allow us the time to focus on creating a clear vision, setting appropriate goals, and moving forward into a better future of our own design!If you enjoyed this episode, why not share it with a friend?And if you haven’t joined the email list yet, then just put your email address in the box below and make the plunge! You’ll be notified whenever I post something new and, if you ever get tired of hearing from me, you just need to click the “unsubscribe” link that’s in every single email.(Signing up is a low-risk decision with LOTS of upside potential, so just do it already!) This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.relaxedleader.com

As I explained in the very first episode of The Relaxed Leader Podcast, “respect” is not a commodity. It’s not something we demand or expect from others. It’s not something we earn, collect, and then use as leverage to get favors or preferential treatment. And it’s definitely not supposed to be used as a tool for us to judge and condemn others. If someone accuses another person of being disrespectful, what they’re doing is passing judgment publicly, which is all about painting themselves as the victim and the other person as the villain. And when they hold up my article on Respect as proof that the other person is a horrible person, then they’ve twisted one of my REAL Values and weaponized it. Definitely NOT cool.So check out this episode because I’ve got a LOT more to say on the subject! If you enjoyed this episode, why not share it with a friend?And if you haven’t joined the email list yet, then just put your email address in the box below and make the plunge! You’ll be notified whenever I post something new and, if you ever get tired of hearing from me, you just need to click the “unsubscribe” link that’s in every single email.(Signing up is a low-risk decision with LOTS of upside potential, so just do it already!) This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.relaxedleader.com

The best leaders I’ve known in my career understand that they’ll always have to deal with strengths and weaknesses. And even though all the folks I’ve ever interviewed have tried to share a “weakness” that sounds suspiciously like a strength, the fact is that EVERYONE has both strengths and weaknesses. The best leaders know how to deal with this reality… and it doesn’t necessarily involve focusing on weaknesses, whether they’re weaknesses at the individual level or with the team. In fact, spending too much time on weaknesses is actually a bad thing and will put you well on your way to mediocrity.In this episode, I’ll tell what Relaxed Leaders need to do instead! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.relaxedleader.com

Look Beneath the Veneer!Relaxed Leaders aren’t out to simply prove that someone else is wrong. They’re not simply out to cast doubt upon someone else’s conclusions either. Relaxed Leaders are trying to understand a broad range of perspectives and are striving to consider as much pertinent, reliable data as possible. However, there are common traps and pitfalls we definitely have to avoid – and one in particular is creating the illusion of authority. People have done it for years and it’s only getting worse with the availability of so much unverifiable “information” on the internet. It’s not easy asking all the questions necessary to validate the information we’ve found to support a position we’ve taken… but it’s something we have to do. If not, then we’re guilty of creating an Authority Façade.In this episode, I explain the concept of Authority Façades, show you how to recognize them, give you some ways to confront them, and encourage you to never use them yourself. In order to make progress – to move ahead – we need to keep our eyes, ears, and MINDS open. Avoiding the trap of the Authority Façade is a big step in the right direction. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.relaxedleader.com

Acceptance ExceptionsWhen I talk about “unconditional acceptance,” it’s in regards to human beings… and it’s simply a foundation to help us deal with others more effectively and appropriately. But as Relaxed Leaders, I don’t recommend simply accepting much else – especially not unconditionally.In this episode, I tell you why I no longer care for the popular “Serenity Prayer,” offer a couple types of “acceptance” to help you deal with distractions, and encourage you to focus your time and energy in order to more effectively use your power and influence. (And yes, we ALL have power and influence. Listen to learn more!) This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.relaxedleader.com

Tuesday TangentOur topic this week on The Relaxed Leader podcast is focused on the third REAL Value: ACCEPT, and I address something I hear a lot when I talk about acceptance without conditions: “How the f@%k am I supposed to accept T***P?!”This episode explains why I think it’s important for Relaxed Leaders to offer at least a basic level of respect and acceptance to even the most vile of human beings. (Hint: It’s not just about them – it’s also about our own internal well-being.)If you haven’t read the Monday Masterclass on what it means to ACCEPT, then I definitely encourage you to check it out and leave your feedback or questions in the comments section. I’d love to hear what you think about the subject.But in the meantime, I hope you enjoy this episode of the Relaxed Leader Podcast as I share some thoughts on why it’s so important to accept everyone as much as possible. It might seem counter-intuitive but I really believe it helps keep everything in line with our values. And that alignment allows us to continue focusing on the things that are truly important – the things that will benefit the most from our time, attention, and energy. THAT’S one of the greatest benefits of accepting everyone! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.relaxedleader.com

Tuesday Tangent(Yes, I know it’s technically Wednesday morning as I’m posting this… but life happens!)Our topic this week on The Relaxed Leader is focused on the second REAL Value: Engage. However, in this podcast, I riff on “ad hominem” attacks and other commonly used irrelevant arguments. This might seem waaay off topic but it has a lot to do with truly understanding how to engage in dialog with difficult people (or at least people who are being difficult).This episode might also seem a bit esoteric – but I firmly believe that every Relaxed Leader should have at least a basic understanding of how people abuse logic every day – and we should have some idea of how to deal with it when they do.If you haven’t read the Monday Masterclass on what it means to ENGAGE, then I definitely encourage you to check it out.But in the meantime, I hope you enjoy this episode of the Relaxed Leader Podcast as I share some thoughts on how we can more effectively engage with others in productive debates by redefining what it means to “win” an argument.If you enjoyed this episode, why not share it with a friend?And if you haven’t joined the email list yet, then just put your email address in the box below and make the plunge! You’ll be notified whenever I post something new and, if you ever get tired of hearing from me, you just need to click the “unsubscribe” link that’s in every single email.(Signing up is a low-risk decision with LOTS of upside potential, so just do it already!) This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.relaxedleader.com

Tuesday TangentOur topic this week on The Relaxed Leader is focused on the first of the REAL Values: Respect. In this podcast, I go off on a little bit of a tangent and discuss how many people in leadership positions think about “respect” in the wrong way. If you haven’t read the Monday Masterclass on RESPECT, then I definitely encourage you to check it out.But in the meantime, spend a few minutes with this episode of the Progressive Leader Podcast as I share some thoughts on how too many misunderstand and misuse respect – especially lots of senior managers I’ve worked with over the years, in both the private and public sectors. If you enjoyed this episode, why not share it with a friend?And if you haven’t joined the email list yet, then just put your email address in the box below and make the plunge! You’ll be notified whenever I post something new and, if you ever get tired of hearing from me, you just need to click the “unsubscribe” link that’s in every single email. (Signing up is a low-risk decision with LOTS of upside potential, so just do it already!) This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.relaxedleader.com