Episode 129: Does Your Spouse/Partner/Best Friend Have "Listening Fatigue?”
The Private School Leader Podcast
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Show Notes
For 33 years, I did the same thing almost every day. I came home from school and immediately started venting to my wife about my day as a private school leader.
I am ashamed to say, it wasn’t until after I retired, that I stopped to think about how doing that every day made my wife feel. All those years of me venting and complaining and all those years of her listening and trying to make me feel better.
Recently, I asked my wife, “What impact did all of that have on you?” Here’s what she said”
- “Most of the time, it was really hard.”
- “Usually, I absorbed your stress.”
- “I was frustrated because I couldn’t fix it.”
- “It felt like your day was more important than my day.”
I would like to say that this conversation was a “wake-up call” for me, but it really wasn’t. That’s because I recently retired and now I’m usually not stressed out at the end of a day of coaching clients or recording podcast episodes.
I’m not saying that this is what you are doing every day. I am saying that it is something that we need to talk about. On today’s episode of The Private School Leader Podcast, we are going to answer the question: Does Your Spouse/Partner/Best Friend Have "Listening Fatigue?”
Thank you for taking me along with you when you are walking the dog, driving to school or running errands. I appreciate you and what you are doing for the lucky kids and teachers at your school. Thanks so much for listening and thanks for making a difference!
Mark Minkus
I am super excited about a brand new resource that I want to share with you for FREE! It is a 45 minute Masterclass called: “Winning At School Without Losing At Home”. This is a video webinar training complete with guided notes and it will do exactly what the title says. This training will help you to be successful, organized and energized at school while still taking good care of yourself AND your family! Does that sound too good to be true? Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/winning to grab your free Masterclass training Winning At School Without Losing At Home”.
Are any of these statements true about you?
- The "tyranny of the urgent" controls my day, and I start working on my important tasks when the school gets quiet.
- I feel discouraged, lonely, exhausted and stressed out. I'm not sure that my job is sustainable.
- My school invades every part of my professional and personal life.
- I want to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader.
- I feel called to do this work, but I am not sure how long I can keep doing it if nothing changes.
I have felt that way many times during my career. That’s why I created the PSL Pro Membership
PSL Pro is a membership community that helps Private School Leaders go from feeling stressed out, discouraged and lonely to feeling energized, fulfilled and supported.
You will have access to a thriving community of school leaders who actually "get it" and "get you"! We will go live every month for a Masterclass, a Success Path Coaching Session, two "We Get It" Roundtable Sessions and a live Q&A about anything and everything related to Private School Leadership.
The PSL Pro Success Path is a Step by Step Plan to get you from where you are to where you want to be as a leader. Different Levels: The Overwhelmed Drifter, The Intentional Architect, all the way to The Fulfilled Mentor. After you choose your level, you will be guided, step-by-step, through the content in THRIVE Academy. This content, along with my guidance and the support of other leaders, will take you from where you are all the way to being The Fulfilled Mentor!
Learn more about how you can join the PSL Pro community by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/membership
Is it just me or are the parents at our schools getting more demanding and more intense, more often? Dealing with parents is part of the job as we lead our private schools, but it can quickly lead to stress, anxiety and feeling overwhelmed.
That’s why I created Parent Academy! Now you have a step by step framework that will help you go from feeling stressed and anxious to feeling confident and calm. Over the last 33 years, I have built successful relationships with thousands of parents and I have packaged that knowledge into an online course. Not only that, but after I teach you, I am going to teach your teachers these strategies as well! Parent Academy contains two, 45-minute webinars that are Teacher PD’s with a printable notebook, guided notes and discussion questions. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parentacademy to learn more!
What is your biggest problem right now? I want to hear more about your biggest problem and I want to help you solve it.
Whether your problem is feeling guilty that your family gets what’s left of you at the end of the day, relentless parents, difficult teachers, a lack of boundaries between work and school, feeling overwhelmed, Imposter Syndrome, enrollment or teacher morale, I can help.
I would love to hear more about your biggest problem and I would love to be your coach. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1.
Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget.
That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive
I am excited to share with you a new resource and I want to give this to you as a FREE GIFT to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. It is called The 7 Secrets To Improving Teacher Morale. As private school leaders, we are always looking for ways to improve teacher morale at our schools, but it is hard to know where to start. Well, now you have a step by step plan and you can grab it at theprivateschoolleader.com/morale
I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide!
I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide
I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week!
Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode129
Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at [email protected] Thanks!!
I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!
I want to say thank you for listening to the podcast by giving you a FREE GIFT. It is called The 7 Steps To Having Successful Meetings With Upset Parents. This guide is an 11 page pdf that gives you a step by step plan to have better meetings with the parents at your school. Every good coach has a game plan. Every good teacher has a lesson plan. Too many private school leaders don’t have a plan when they sit down to meet with an upset parent. Well, now you have a PLAN! You can grab this FREE GUIDE at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/meeting
I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations.
George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo
TRANSCRIPT:
• I strongly believe that it is possible to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader. And my passion is to help you figure out exactly how to do just that right here on the Private School Leader podcast. And I'm your host, Mark Minkus. • • • So for all 33 years of my career as a private school leader, • • most days when I would come home from school, • I would do the same thing. • • • • And • • what that was • • • • would be that I would just. • • I'd say hi to my wife, I'd say hi to my kids, • • • and I would vent to my wife about my day. • • And sometimes it wouldn't be a vent session. It would be that I would tell her about my day. And some, you know, sometimes I'd mix in the good things that happened. But let's face it, you know, when you hit the door at the end of the day and you're tired and you're stressed, • • • that • I'll admit, as I look back over my career, that most of the time it was, can you believe • • • that this parent had this crazy request? Or can you believe that this parent gave me my to do list today? That's so. I can't believe it. I'm so frustrated. Or I can't believe that these two teachers can't get along, or I can't believe that this teacher did this or • • about these. This student that did this thing. And so I would talk about my day. • • • • But I think that as I look back on it now, • • • uh, a lot of it wasn't just talking about my day, but a lot of it was venting my frustration as I talked about my day. • • • And recently I asked my wife • • • • about it. I will honestly say, and I'm ashamed to say that for 33 years, • • • I never asked her this question. • But just recently, I asked my wife, well, • • what impact did that have on you? You know, all of those days, for all of Those years, for 33 years of me coming home and telling you about my day or venting about my day, what impact did that have on you? • • And she said a couple of things. She said, well, • • • • some days it was really hard, • um, because I absorbed your stress. • • • • And • • I was also really frustrated because I love you and I couldn't fix it. • • • • And she said sometimes it would make me feel bad because it always seemed like your day at school was more important than my day. • • • • • • • • And I can't even say to you today that that was a wake up call for me • • • because, • • you know that I recently retired • • • • and, • • • • uh, you know, a wake up call implies that you're going to change your behavior. I can't. I don't have a time machine. I can't go back • • and ask her the question • • • • 10 years into my 33 year career and say, hey, you know, let's talk