Episode 108: Grace AND Revenge: The Paradox Behind What Parents Want
The Private School Leader Podcast
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Show Notes
par·a·dox
/ˈperəˌdäks/, noun
a seemingly absurd or self-contradictory statement or proposition that when investigated or explained may prove to be well founded or true
As school leaders, we often face a paradox in parent expectations:
- When their child is involved in a mistake or misbehavior, parents expect grace and understanding from the school.
- However, when their child is on the receiving end of wrongdoing, those same parents can demand swift and severe punishment that feels like a quest for revenge.
So, why does this happen, and how can we, as school leaders, respond in ways that uphold fairness, consistency, and our school’s values? On today’s episode of The Private School Leader Podcast, we are going to discuss Grace AND Revenge: The Paradox Behind What Parents Want.
Thank you for taking me along with you when you are walking the dog, driving to school or running errands. I appreciate you and what you are doing for the lucky kids and teachers at your school.
Thanks so much for listening and thanks for making a difference!
Mark Minkus
Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget.
That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive
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I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week!
I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations.
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Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode108
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TRANSCRIPT:
Welcome to the Private School Leader podcast, where private school leaders learn how to thrive and not just survive as they serve and, ah, lead their schools. • I strongly believe that it is possible to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader. And my passion is to help you figure out exactly how to do just that right here on the Private School Leader podcast. And I'm your host, Mark Minkus. • • • So the title of today's episode is Grace and the Paradox behind what Parents Want. • • And that word, paradox, such an interesting word. Of course, we learned about that probably in middle school language arts. • And it's a statement or idea that seems to contradict itself and is often confusing. So it's two phrases or words or ideas that are put together in one statement that seems to be confusing or they seem to be contradictory. And it's often used in literature to show how complex our lives can be. And so, for example, Oscar Wilde said, life is much too important to be taken seriously. • And another famous quote is the only constant in life is change. So those are, that's a paradox. • And then we also have a paradox in famous stories like the Tortoise and the Hare or the Emperor's New Clothes. • • Those are a, uh, great, you know, the great examples of a paradox. And then, you know, not too far from paradox is oxymoron. I love a good oxymoron, like jumbo shrimp or plastic silverware. And so we have these things that just don't seem to go together. • And as school leaders, we often face a paradox when it comes to parent expectations. • • • And so on one hand, when their child • • • makes a mistake or is misbehaving or gets in trouble, • parents expect grace and a lot of understanding from the school. • • • However, • • • when their child is on the receiving end of wrongdoing, • • • those same parents • • want swift • judgment, severe punishment. And it almost feels like they're on a quest for revenge. • • And so when it's their child, they want grace. When it's another child doing something to their kid, they want revenge. • • So those two things don't seem to go together. • • And you know, this has come up recently, um, in Thrive Academy office hours. So with Thrive Academy, um, one hour a week, all current students are in there and we're, uh, • live on zoom. And it's come up recently about how this is just seems to be happening more and more often in our schools. • • And so why does this happen? And how can we as school leaders respond in ways that can uphold • • fairness and consistency in our handbook and our school values without giving in to that desire? For revenge from the parents.
Free guide on how to deal with difficult parents on the Private School Leader podcast
Well, you've come to the right place because on, um, today's episode of the Private School Leader podcast, we are going to discuss grace and revenge, the paradox behind what parents want. • • And so I just want to say thank you so much for listening to the podcast. I know how busy you are, and I always encourage you to do something else while you're listening, like on your commute or when you're working out or doing errands or maybe walking the dog. • • But I just want to say thank you and I want to give you a free gift. And this is a free guide called five strategies to help you work with difficult parents. Our subject today is parents at our school. And we know that working with parents is part of the job. And most of our