The Michelle Chalfant Show — Life from the Adult Chair

I had a conversation with my husband this week that got me thinking about connections. Human connections. So this week on the show I want to talk about how we support one another when we need it most, when we're reacting from our child or adolescent chair and we need to be heard and supported the most. This is also a discussion about how to support. That's a very different skill, learning when to listen, when to love, and when to support from our adult chair. And even more important, how to listen without letting our partner's emotions land squarely on us. I love this conversation. My clients consistently open new doors to deeper connections with their partners when they engage these key new skills, and I'm sure you'll find treasure in it too!

I can't wait for you to hear this podcast—it may be the most fun I've had hearing Pete have his mind blown! This week, we're talking about EFT, or "Emotional Freedom Technique." You may have heard of it referred to as tapping for short, and it's one of my favorite tools for helping my clients break free from anxiety, depression, generalized stress — even physical pain and performance issues! It involves tapping along your meridian system with your fingertips — the very same meridians you may be familiar with in acupuncture — to help move clogged emotional energy through your system. First things first, listen to this show. Pete was dealing with shoulder pain related to an injury and I talk him through EFT to address it. After you do that, head over to my resources page here for a quick video walkthrough I recorded just for you! You'll be up and running, tapping away stress, anxiety, frustration, cravings, and so, so much more in no time!

We strive to be whole and complete but deny the parts of us that embarrass us, that we hate and try and hide. These are our shadow parts. It is impossible to feel whole without embracing the shadow parts inside us. This week on the show, Pete and I talk about the shadow, how to move into a mode of discovery, to unlock and embrace the secrets of our shadow, and work to become whole.

Over the last few weeks, we've addressed some powerful topics. From approaching anxiety, to codependency, and finally love addiction/love avoidance. In each of these areas, our approach has been to discern where our emotional response sits — our child or adolescent — and invite them to sit in the adult chair, to approach these challenges from a position of rationality and confidence. But accessing our inner child is not always easy, nor is it always comfortable without some help. That's why this week on the show, Michelle offers a meditation, a guide on your journey to reach your inner child. Sit back, close your eyes, and reach out with grace to a smaller inner-you.

Love addiction and love avoidance define the relationship struggles for many of us as we enter deeper emotional connection throughout the course of our lives. These are damaging patterns and represent a long-running struggle to move from our adolescent to our adult chair as we learn to cultivate love with others in our lives. This week on the show, we're honored to have Sarah Bridge on the show. Sarah is a therapist and expert in love addiction/love avoidance. She joins us today to help frame these concepts and share her approach to helping others learn to love more authentically in her own practice. Links & Notes Sarah Bridge, MSW, LSCW Growing Yourself Back Up — John Lee

Codependency represents a range of social and emotional behaviors generally described as an emotional or psychological reliance on another — a spouse, partner, teacher, friend, and so on — where the well-being of one is connected to the well-being of another. I'm only OK if you're OK. But codependency is a sign that we may not be living from our adult chair. This week, we take on codependent behavior from the perspective of the chairs, and talk about how stunted emotional growth can keep us living in our adolescent when it comes to some of the most important relationships of our lives. Join us, and share your learning with us, too!

Anxiety is a demon. It is the state in which we live uncomfortably between a past we will never have again, and a future fraught with uncertainty. But growing a stronger relationship with our inner-adolescent can pay dividends far beyond casual nerves. This week on The Adult Chair, Michelle Chalfant and Pete Wright discuss anxiety and fear, demonstrated through the courage of "Lola" — a woman learning to combat the anxiety in her own life, willing to work with Michelle while being recorded to share here. Thanks to Lola, and to all who listen!

Addictions are subtle, insidious monsters, and they can take roost inside all of us. We're not just talking about the addictions we see in movies or television. We're not just talking about the addictions we sleight, either. We're talking about our broad human inability to deal with pain, and how that pain manifests in our lives in destructive ways. This week on the show, Michelle leads us through the high level story of addiction and shares techniques for spotting addictive behavior, and uncovering the pain that sits beneath the surface. It's a terrific conversation that sets the stage for more addiction in coming episodes, so tune in this week!

The strongest relationships in our lives come when we are able to communicate with our partner from our adult chair, and they are communicating with us from their own. This week on the show, Michelle teaches us how to approach our partner as a support rather than a cheerleader. We roll-play on the show this week, demonstrating and deconstructing a partner conversation and illustrate some key concepts that will absolutely change the way you communicate with your friends, partners, and spouse. Join us!

This week on the show, we're talking about stories. An example: You're on the highway. Someone races up next to you and cuts into your lane. You're surprised and scared for an instant, which leads to frustration — and maybe anger. That person is rude, oblivious, stupid, probably didn't see you because they don't care about others in their lives. … and so on, and so on. This is your story. A story you've made up about a person you have never met, based only on a split second fear reaction. These are the stories we tell ourselves to help us rationalize our reality. This week on the show, Michelle Chalfant shares where these stories come from, why it's so important to understand how they impact us, and offers insight to help us face our stories and let them go!

Of all the relationships in our lives, the relationship we carry on with our self is most notable. It is the one relationship that is with us all our lives, through our highs and lows, and yet it is most often neglected, ridiculed, or downgraded. To reach peace and concert with the world around us, we must first reach peace with the world inside us. Today on the show, Michelle Chalfant shares her process for helping others to determine the source of inner struggle through a challenging and practical experience leading Pete through some of his fears as a father. Want to connect with us? We'd love to discuss your questions on the show. Here's how! The Adult Chair on iTunes Michelle Chalfant on Facebook Michelle Chalfant on Twitter Pete Wright on Twitter

Happy holidays to all! And with the holiday season upon us, let's make a collective promise to keep cool heads as we're tossed in all sorts of crazy directions! To do that, we have to understand our triggers. Triggers are the emotionally charged reactions that we have when our comfortable state of "normal" is somehow tested. Did someone cut you off recklessly on the highway? Did you feel that surge of anger? That's a trigger. Did you find out all your friends were invited to a holiday party and you weren't? Did you feel that surge of jealousy? Another trigger! This week on the show, we're talking about triggers, how they hit us, how we can better understand them, and most importantly how we can create a new habit of curiosity in our triggers as we learn to understand ourselves in the process!

Over the past two weeks, our conversation has centered on the child and adolescent chairs, moving from the creativity and trust of the child to the judgment and doubt of the adolescent. Today, we take on our namesake, the adult chair. The adult speaks in truth and fact. The adult is conscious, connected to the higher self. The adult is our keen observer, rational and patient. This week, we offer an exploration of the adult, and share insights into how the adult supports our growth from child and adolescent every day.

The adolescent represents the formative emotional years erupting from the child. The adolescent is developing the ego, conceptualizing right and left brain activity, and is tested through new experiences of fear. But there are some terrific strengths of the adolescent, and coming to terms with this part of us can bring greater balance and overall emotional health. This week on The Adult Chair, Michelle Chalfant and Pete Wright talk about the critical developmental milestones of the adolescent and provide a foundation for understanding when we're getting stuck in our adolescent chair as adults.

As humans, we've worked for years to understand our inner child and the role the child plays in our adult psyche. It can be an enormous and elusive challenge, facing our child as we struggle with what challenges us as adults. Why is understanding the role of the child important to our overall emotional balance and health? This week on The Adult Chair, Michelle introduces us to the child chair and brings into focus the path we can take to discover our relationship with our own inner child as we continue our series on the three chairs.

Welcome to The Adult Chair with Michelle Chalfant. Michelle Chalfant has been a seeker her whole life. Through her own journey of discovery and her decades of work as a therapist, she has developed an approach to understanding the struggles we all experience as we move through the world each day. In The Adult Chair, we'll be using Michelle's framework as a foundation for better understanding our relationship with ourselves. Along the way, we'll host an ongoing conversation around stress, anxiety, physical health, and how our understanding of ourselves impacts the most important relationships in our lives. This week on The Adult Chair, Michelle shares a bit of her own story with Pete Wright, the story that lead to this podcast. She introduces the chair model — originally created by Susan Austin Crumpton, one of Michelle's most inspirational teachers — and how this model inspires her own work to this day. She provides an overview to her guided approach to living authentically that she uses with clients each day. For more information on Susan Austin-Crumpton, visit The Estuary.