The Day My Childhood Ended | Effects of Divorce Part 1 of 2
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Show Notes
Guest: Dr. Steven Lytle, Founder of Sparrow House Counseling
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Dr. Lytle and I will spend two weeks taking a deep dive into how divorce impacts children by examining the research and evidence presented in Elizabeth Marquardt’s power book Between Two Worlds: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce. While this book examines the kid’s perspective of how divorce affects their world, as parents we need to understand this - there are conversations that we need to have and decisions we need to make as parents to better equip our children to better wrestle with the realities that they are facing.
Divorce literally changes the structure of childhood - regardless of whether it was a “good” divorce, or “bad” divorce, from the child’s perspective, divorce creates two new and different realities that they must now cope with and, in many regards, learn to manage at a very young age.
Dr. Lytle says that as children learn to manage the two new realities, many of them become “cameleons” - meaning that they learn to change to fit into the two different realities. Many times children learn to lie to their parents in an effort to protect one or both from the harmful effects of the other parent. Interesting note from the book, the #1 stress of children of divorce is trying to protect the feelings of their mom.
Dr. Lytle points out that while there is no agenda in this book, the evidence does point to the devastating effects of divorce on children, which should be something that parents consider before ending their marriage.
Dr. Lytle points out that many parents take themselves out of community because of their divorce. When things are difficult, that is the time for parents to lean into a loving and caring community. Children of divorce often struggle with trust issues. Parents should make sure that their children are surrounded by other loving and trustworthy adults - the church is so important for children…and adults…during this difficult time.
The book that I studied in a college class that is still powerful, just not written from a Christian perspective is The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: The 25 Year Landmark Study by Judith Wallerstein.