The Huddle Wisdom Podcast with Dr Davin Tan

In this enlightening episode, I sit down with my friend and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu coach, Professor Felipe Santos. A champion in many respects, Felipe is a kind, passionate family man and an all-round good sort. I’ve learned a lot from him over the years. Our conversation evolves naturally, flowing with the go, as Master Rickson Gracie would say. We cover a lot of ground, discussing topics such as: Resilience, perseverance, and grit Dealing with complexity, uncertainty, fear, and anxiety The importance of family and traditional values The power of community The significance of structure and discipline Respect for others, self, and higher powers This episode was suggested by Prashant Kumar, the mat enforcer at our gym. His wonderful idea led to a conversation that I believe will be the first of many more to come. Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, we find, is a metaphor for life. Any difficult-to-master skill can be a rich resource of lessons that teach us so much about life and how to live meaningfully. I hope you enjoy this episode as much as I did! To find Professor Santos and the gang at Mount Maunganui Jiu-Jitsu, check out the details in the show notes. They offer a one-week free trial, which I highly recommend. Not only does BJJ give you a competitive edge in BBQ rumbles, but it also provides an advantage in many areas of life, including business, family, love, friendships, finances, and conflict resolution. https://www.mountjiujitsu.co.nz/ https://www.facebook.com/mountmaunganuijiujitsu  https://www.instagram.com/mountmaunganuijiujitsu  Don’t forget to check us out on LinkedIn, Instagram, and Facebook. Visit huddlewisdom.com for free parenting resources, especially if you have anxious kids at home or at school. For the neuroatypical tribes out there, we have resources for you too. If you enjoy our content, feel free to contribute at www.buymeacoffee.com/huddlewisdom to keep this good thing going. Enjoy the episode!  

Welcome to this episode of "The Power of Self-Reflection: A Guide for Parents of Anxious Children". In this episode, we delve into the challenges parents face when their children experience anxiety and explore the transformative power of self-reflection as a tool to navigate these challenges. We discuss the difference between reactive and self-reflective practices, highlighting how easy it is to revert to old habits in stressful situations. We explore the concept of self-reflection, a practice that involves acknowledging our roles in conflicts and dissecting our actions. This enlightening journey can enhance our ability to think before we act, fostering personal growth and better understanding of our reactions. We guide you through a journey of self-reflection with reflective questions designed to help you understand your reactions and their impact on your anxious children. These questions serve as a starting point for introspection, helping you to explore the principles that guide your actions, understand the notions carried over from your own childhood, and identify the ideas that influenced your response or reaction at that moment. Remember, this is a personal journey with no right or wrong answers. It's about understanding ourselves better to support our children more effectively. We encourage you to take some time to reflect on these questions and share your reflections and discoveries on your social media platforms, fostering a supportive community for parents facing similar challenges. Join us in this episode as we embark on this enlightening journey of self-reflection to better support our children and navigate the challenges of parenting.   The QUESTIONS What principles guide my actions?What notions have I carried over from my own childhood?What ideas influenced my response or reaction at that moment?How confident am I in identifying problems?Am I considering all the relevant factors?Do I feel like I’ve lost control over a situation?Is this because I feel the need to be heard or listened to?

Parents are the answer to the mental health crisis. How? Tune in. For resources on how you can be the linchpin in your kid's lives. www.huddlewisdom.com/connections

  Introduction: Welcome to another episode of Parenting with Huddle Wisdom. Today we’re diving into a common yet challenging scenario: anxious mornings with our little ones. As parents, we’ve all been there—rushing to get everyone ready for the day while managing our own stress. But how can we co-regulate with our anxious child, validate their feelings, and provide comfort when we’re feeling overwhelmed ourselves? Let’s explore some strategies and personal experiences. Scenario: The Anxious Morning Rush: Picture this: It’s 7:30 a.m., and the house is buzzing with activity. Your partner is grabbing their laptop, your older child is searching for their missing shoe, and the dog is barking at the mailman. Amidst the chaos, your youngest—a sensitive and anxious soul—is clinging to your leg, tears streaming down their face. They’re worried about school, friendships, and whether they’ll remember their lunchbox. How do you handle this delicate moment? 1. Co-Regulation: Co-regulation is the key. When our child is anxious, they look to us for cues on how to manage their emotions. Take a deep breath, ground yourself, and offer a calm presence. Sit down with your child, make eye contact, and say, “I see you’re feeling worried. It’s okay—we’ll get through this together.” 2. Validate Their Feelings: Acknowledge their anxiety without judgment. Say, “It’s normal to feel nervous sometimes. Even grown-ups get anxious. Let’s talk about what’s bothering you.” Encourage them to express their fears, whether it’s forgetting their homework or being teased at school. 3. Empathize: Share your own experiences. Maybe you recall feeling anxious before a big presentation or meeting. Let them know they’re not alone. Say, “I remember feeling nervous too. But guess what? We survived, and you will too.” 4. Comfort Amidst Stress: Now, here’s the tricky part: You’re stressed too. Your mind is racing through your to-do list, and patience wears thin. But remember, your child needs you. Take a mental pause. Remind yourself that their anxiety isn’t a personal attack—it’s their struggle. Hug them, stroke their hair, and say, “We’ll figure this out. We’re a team.” 5. Navigating the Chaos: As you juggle breakfast, backpacks, and car keys, keep your child close. Reassure them: “We’ve got time. Let’s find your lunchbox together.” Involve them in problem-solving. Maybe they can choose a comforting item to take to school—a small plush toy or a family photo. 6. Free Resources for Parents: In today’s show notes, you’ll find a link to HuddleWisdom’s Anxiety Toolkit for Kids. It’s a collection of free resources—printables, breathing exercises, and calming techniques—that you can use with your child. Visit www.huddlewisdom.com/connections to access these valuable tools. Conclusion: Remember, parenting isn’t about perfection; it’s about connection. Our anxious mornings are opportunities to strengthen that bond. So, take a deep breath, hold your child’s hand, and step into the day together. Until next time, this is [Your Name] signing off. Be kind to yourself, and be there for your little ones. 🌟 Disclaimer: The advice provided in this podcast is based on personal experiences and general parenting principles. Always consult a professional if you have specific concerns about your child’s anxiety or mental health. Note to listeners: If you found this episode helpful, please share it with other parents who might benefit. And don’t forget to subscribe!  

Welcome to our podcast, where we delve into the personal journey of a forensic psychiatrist and father who faced his own demons. This is a story of a man who, despite his professional expertise in human behavior, found himself in a situation that shook him to his core and led him to introspect deeply about his life and priorities. In this podcast, we explore a haunting incident - a day when he left his young, anxious daughter alone in a bustling school car park. Overwhelmed by professional commitments and personal responsibilities, he made a choice that he would regret deeply. The guilt and shame of this incident led him to a depressive episode, forcing him to confront his shortcomings as a parent. This transformative experience led him to prioritize his family over everything else and develop a framework to safeguard his children from his own flaws. This framework, initially intended for personal use, turned out to be a powerful tool that had a positive impact on his family. In this podcast, we discuss the importance of equipping oneself with certain frameworks of thinking to overcome personal flaws and limitations. It's not about the specific framework - you can develop your own or use other systems. The key is to have a system in place. Join us as we navigate through this deeply personal story and explore the systems he developed for the wellbeing of his family: 1. [Connecting with Anxious Kids](https://www.huddlewisdom.com/foundationsofconnection ) 2. [Empathic Guidance for Anxious Kids](https://www.huddlewisdom.com/practice) Remember, no matter how daunting parenting may seem, you've got this. All you need is a system. Tune in to our podcast and embark on this enlightening journey with us. Thank you for listening.

In this podcast episode, we delve into the rising rates of anxiety in children and explore strategies to counteract these challenges. We discuss the impact of technology, academic pressure, parenting styles, and social comparisons. Our focus is on fostering empathy, active listening, and emotional intelligence. We share practical tips for creating a safe space, promoting social connections, and teaching coping mechanisms. Join us as we empower parents, educators, and caregivers to support children’s mental well-being in today’s dynamic world. 🎙️🌟   To learn about Empathic Guidance for Anxious Kids go to www.huddlewisdom.com/practice   To make a contribution to the podcast go to https://www.buymeacoffee.com/huddlewisdom   To learn about navigating emotional storms with empathy go to www.huddlewisdom.com/gettools   Distress, waitlists and unmet needs: parents’ reports of child psychological difficulties in Aotearoa New Zealand. Amy Kercher, Seona Beattie, Liesje Donkin, Daniel Shepherd. Australian and New Zealand Journal of Public Health. Volume 48, Issue 1, February 2024 https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1326020023052974  

Parenting is a journey filled with unique challenges, one of which is dealing with the silent treatment from our children. This can be a frustrating situation, but it’s important to remember that it’s not about us, even if it feels personal. It’s about their emotions—they might be overwhelmed, frustrated, or misunderstood, possibly lacking the words to articulate their feelings. A Simple Framework Before we delve into the silent treatment specifically, let’s talk about a simple framework that can guide us in reacting to confounding behaviors in a helpful way. This framework is based on giving our children the benefit of the doubt and asking two questions: What’s going on in the environment? What skills does my child need to deal with the environment? This framework won’t guarantee perfect solutions, but it will keep you in reasonably good stead when confronted with confusing behavior. Understanding the Silent Treatment When children give us the silent treatment, it’s crucial to recognize that there’s something going on. They aren’t just being difficult on purpose. Our instinct might be to confront or demand communication. However, a different approach, inspired by Dr. Gabor Maté’s book “Hold On To Your Kids,” could be to ‘woo’ our children back into conversation. ‘Wooing’ isn’t about bribing or cajoling; it’s about showing genuine interest in their lives, being patient, giving them space, and staying engaged. It’s about being curious about their world, thoughts, and feelings. Tips for Dealing with the Silent Treatment Here are some more tips to help you navigate this challenging situation: Stay calm and composed. Avoid reinforcing the behavior by giving in when your children are silent. Write to them. Show curiosity and express interest in them. Create a positive environment that encourages your children to talk. Don’t pressure them to talk, as it might cause them to retreat further into silence. If you notice they’re not responding, express your desire to understand why calmly. If the silent treatment is harmful, it’s important to set boundaries, especially when a response is required. Let your child know how their silence affects you using “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. Sometimes, children need time to process their feelings. Let them know it’s okay to take a break from the conversation. If the silent treatment becomes a persistent issue, consider seeking professional help. Reflect on your availability and the time you spend on things that ultimately matter. Engage in games like ‘Two Truths and a Lie’ or ‘Would You Rather’ to foster communication in a fun way. Remember, these are just guidelines. For a deeper understanding of this topic, tune into episode 091 of the Parenting with Huddle Wisdom Podcast. Thank you for joining us, and remember, parenting is a journey. We’re all learning as we go. Until next time, keep being the amazing parent that you are.   SPECIAL INTRODUCTORY OFFER: Foundations of Emotional Connection Course ⬇️⬇️⬇️ ENROL HERE   Hold On To Your Kids is a groundbreaking book by Dr. Gabor Maté and Dr. Gordon Neufeld that explores the importance of parental attachment in child development. It highlights how modern society often undermines parents’ roles, leading children to look to their peers for direction, values, and identity. This ‘peer orientation’ can lead to children becoming overly conformist, desensitized, and alienated. The book provides practical advice on how to ‘reattach’ to your children, establish the proper hierarchy in the home, and earn back your children’s loyalty and love. ⬇️⬇️⬇️ GET IT HERE (affiliate link)

Parenting is a beautiful journey, but let’s face it—sometimes it feels like an uphill battle. Whether you’re dealing with tantrums, sleepless nights, or teenage rebellion, there are moments when you wonder if you’re equipped to handle it all. Fear not! Our episode today sheds light on essential principles and practical pillars that can be your guiding stars when the going gets tough. Here is the link to the free video training about navigating emotional storms using the same frameworks. CLICK BELOW and enter your email. I'll send you the video right away.  www.huddlewisdom.com/gettools  

As a parent, you want your kids to grow up to be confident, resilient, and successful. You want to challenge them to learn new skills, overcome obstacles, and pursue their goals. But you also want to protect them from unnecessary pressure, anxiety, and burnout. How do you find the right balance between pushing and pausing? How do you know when to encourage your kids to step out of their comfort zone and when to let them take a break? That's what this podcast is all about. Whether you have a toddler, a teenager, or anything in between, you'll find this practical and insightful and hopefully inspires you to challenge your kids in the best possible way. And...here's the video training for 'navigating emotional storms' and preventing them! ⛈️ www.huddlewisdom.com/gettools

In this insightful podcast episode, we delve into the topic of parenting ruts. We discuss the ‘shackles’ that hold parents back and the ‘slippery slopes’ or thinking errors that can lead us astray. We explore the barriers that parents often face and the phenomenon of the ‘tall poppy syndrome’ that can hinder progress. The episode emphasizes the importance of having a clear vision of where you want to go as a parent and setting small, realistic goals to get there. Tune in to discover strategies for breaking free from parenting ruts and fostering a more fulfilling parenting journey. 🗝️ To get greater clarity on how to reduce the regularity and intensity of meltdowns - watch the free training video here: www.huddlewisdom.com/gettools  

Connecting or reconnecting with your children while they are in the middle of an emotional storm or meltdown is challenging, especially when your cup is near empty.  So is it possible to connect with them? Of course it is...but it's not easy.  The concepts we discuss will help, but like with most things in life worth doing, it's important to incorporate these practices into daily routine and structure. The benefits compounds over time.  Tune in.  * FREE training video here --> how do you make sense of an emotional storm (the beginning, middle and end) and how do you navigate them while keeping yourself and your relationships intact?! CLICK HERE: www.huddlewisdom.com/gettools  

If you're struggling to understand why our kids have meltdowns check this episode out. Working out the reasons why an emotional storm happens is part of the work but it's critical to understand so that we can address the frictional forces that produced the emotional storm in the first place.   If you want to dig deeper into how you navigate through an emotional storm then watch the on-demand Free training video here www.huddlewisdom.com/gettools   For parents of sensitive kids who feel like they're walking on eggshells when they are trying to discipline them...enrol in the on-demand audio course here www.huddlewisdom.com/practice

Sometimes it feels like life holds us to ransom. You no longer have to feel that way. We make the hard choices and tough decisions for the betterment of our kids, but risk rupture in relationship too. If however, we know to return, reconnect and fix the rupture...this can turn a hard choice into opportunity for strengthening our relationships with our children! Learn more inside this episode. And as mentioned on the episode; here's the link to my FREE training material. The concepts you will learn will help parents find ways to connect and reconnect where there's been rupture in relationship.    

Learn how to praise your kids in a way that isn't contrived or cringey.  At the same time build their sense of agency without giving them an inflated ego or a need for constant approval.

Read this before leaving work. https://mentalhealth.bmj.com/content/25/3/117 In brief blanket strategies like mindfulness programs don't work for everyone. Why? Because if you fail to connect with someone first, your intervention won't be too flash Learn to make strong connections here FREE www.huddlewisdom.com/connections  

Parenting children through their opposition and defiance can be tough because it pushes our buttons. It can be difficult not to take their resistance personally. But keep the following principles in mind and you'll find your efforts to discipline your children a little less challenging: Here are the 5 themes: - Connect first, fix second - Parental self-regulation is important - Don't forget to mind the environment - Remember that children are not small adults (beware the curse of knowledge)  - Children are not pets (i know it sounds ridiculous to state this but it's not as silly as it sounds)   Learn more, enrol in our course - avoid power struggles and find more intuitive and less stressful ways to guide your young ones with the 'The Practice of Empathic Discipline' audio course here ➡️ WAYS TO EFFECTIVE DISCIPLINE NOW!  To connect with Dr Davin Tan on Threads https://www.threads.net/@huddlewisdom Check out the website for more resources www.huddlewisdom.com    

Sometimes we try to keep to the plan but life has it's own ideas.  How do we increase our chances of a plan working out in our favour in the face of changing circumstances? Tune in here.    Waitlist for Foundations of Emotional Connection www.huddlewisdom.com/foundations   Buy me a coffee if you want to support the show! www.buymeacoffee.com/huddlewisdom  

If you want to help keep the show going please consider contributing. www.buymeacoffee.com/huddlewisdom   If you'd like to get on the waitlist for the Foundations of Emotional Connection course then go to www.huddlewisdom.com/foundations  

School refusal is a hard problem for kids, parents and teachers. Failure is common. Is there a mental model or approach we can adopt to deal with this? Join me for this week's episode and I think you might find it useful. Link to get FREE framework for navigating emotional storms Emotional Storm Toolkit FREE

Join us for another riveting episode as Davin drives home from work...trying to figure out what cognitive error sports parent Karens make. And what you can do to make sure you don't become one.

Thinking errors are normal but we have to know they exist so we don't let them ruin our relationships with our kids.

Once a parent, always a parent.  Likewise, you're always going to be a child to someone no matter how old you are... but, it can be incredibly challenging knowing how best to help an adult child who is going off the rails.  How do you preserve your self while doing what's best for them? It's all so tricky.  I hope that the points I make in this episode offers you some assistance my friend.  👇 Empathic Connection Kickstarter: FREE DOWNLOAD

  Why do young people do such naughty things like ram raids? And what can we do as parents to help stop that behaviour? Tune in.     Link to Connection Kickstarter - FREE training www.huddlewisdom.com/jedimind     Link to the Nutters Club Radio show https://www.newstalkzb.co.nz/on-air/nutters-club/davin-tan-a-psychiatrists-look-at-parenting/

It's really stressful when you find out your child is being a bully, or is being bullied. There's plenty of conflicting advice you might be given which only adds to the stress.  Don't worry, here's some anchor points from us at Huddle Wisdom to steady your nerves.  Tune in, and it'll help you out I'm sure.    .... FREE TRAINING ... if you're interested...👇👨‍🎓 It's really tough when your kid's are hurting but they don't want to talk with you.  The first thing to do is re-connect. I've got some powerful mental models that you can use now.  Implement them and build relationships with your children that will help them weather emotional storms.  www.huddlewisdom.com/jedimind  

Word up folks.  So how are we going to solve the mental health crisis? Well...we can actually start right at home...and I'd like to share my thoughts on how we can save ourselves.  Lofty aims I know...but we ought to aim high right?   Do the Empathic Practice Course! (aka Empathic Discipline) www.huddlewisdom.com/practice

A short episode today...apologies for the 'streams' of consciousness style...though I still think you'll get some handy hints here.  Resilience is extremely important but how we teach our children resilience is less obvious...well I want to change that...tune in!

Before you can teach your kids the value of honesty; and before you start doing that fancy positive reinforcement stuff to 'catch' them in the act of doing honest things...you have to 1) know that the conditions in their environment are set right first and 2) that you have an idea of what skill deficits there are and what to then develop. Tune in to find out more if you want to help your kids to stop lying and stealing.  For those who want to go even further...I invite you to do the Empathic Discipline course aka the Moral Discipline course! www.huddlewisdom.com/practice

To lead a moral life means we suspend our own self interests for the sake of others.  Surely the world would be a better place if we could all do our part in making it a moral place.  Unfortunately there is an absence of good moral teaching in many places : homes, schools and mental health services. So how do we start? Tune in to get my 2 cents...   9 Ways You Can Suceed with Empathic Parenting: Huddle Wisdom Course ?Pay what you want? 👇💥💥 Limited number of courses available Click Here: LIMITED NUMBERS LEFT! Get it quick

Trying not to be too dumb is better than trying to be too smart...I think. I hope I'm right, cause that's all I can manage some days.  It's the same with most principles and practices IMO.  Tune in and I hope this helps you out.    Don't lose your kids to tik tok!  Parenting is tough in the digital age.  There are so many things competing for their attention.  Can you stand to lose? No? Then click here now 👇👇👇 How much time do you think you have with your kids?  Connect with them now. www.huddlewisdom.com/practice    

Agreement for the sake of peacekeeping is invalidating in my view.   So what's a parent to do when they are faced with a situation where they're children are grappling with something big, but you don't want to alienate them.   I hope these ideas help you.     #huddlewisdom #mentalmodels #empathy

Empathy, I believe, is your secret weapon for establishing trust in your business and personal relationships.  But it's not just an idea or concept, it's a mindset, an attitude.  We all have the equipment; we just need to activate the software to make it work. Let me show you how! Listen in and I'm sure it will help you and those around you too.    PARENTS! Click here 👇 Empathy for Parenting Success

Why parenting is so tough is maybe because we've gotten a little soft around the edges. Let me explain and maybe it'll give you some motivation in your parenting life.

A few extra comments from me that I forgot to tack on to episode 65. Practice of Empathic Discipline will help you develop your ability to connect authentically and meaningfully while become irresistibly influential in their lives. This is so necessary in the digital age!  www.huddlewisdom.com/practice

Tune in to my interview with Emily. A student with ADHD. I think the most important thing that students with ADHD need is a village of supportive adults and it became clear that that was a critical piece of Emily's treatment.

It can be a disorientating when your child comes to you telling you that they feel they're in the wrong body.  How do you start to approach this? You don't want to alienate them. You don't want to invalidate them. But neither do you want to push them into something they might regret later.  music by infraction

My thoughts about the Posie Parker shenanigans this week in Auckland, NZ. How do we teach our children the right way to behave in this context? A little empathy goes a long way! www.huddlewisdom.com/practice

It's useful to have a framework that allows us to work out whether our children ought to be able to have cell phones. Join me and I will share with you what questions I ask to help determine whether a kid should have one or now. Special Offer for 9 ways to empathic parenting audio course: BE THE INFLUENCER YOUR CHILD NEEDS  

You want your kids to respect you? Then...respect your child first... What does it mean to Respect your Child? Come find out     💥💥9 ways to succeed with empathic parenting 💥💥 👇👇👀👇👇 A few more courses available: Pay what you want. CLICK HERE: Be THE influencer in your kids lives

Thanks Kylie for the LinkedIn response. "Pick your battles" is a hallmark of good enough parenting. Join me on my drive home as I do my streams of consciousness thing, trying to unpack this idea. What does it mean to pick our battles? Is the battle worth fighting? What if you win? So what? What if you lose? So what? Think before you decide to battle.

Tune in to get a framework for helping your young ones with emotional storms/tantrums...I warn you; it's a little unconventional...but I think it's worth paying attention to this mental model.    Check out the FREE training material here to get more in depth into the framework.  👉 HELP OVER HERE (It's FREE)   Also there's a few more course offers for the Empathic Discipline/Parenting audio course where YOU get to pay what you want...click to pay what you want...get in quick before this goes away 9 ways to parent emotional kids with empathy 👨‍🎓🧠

  Dealing with failure is not easy but handling it well can be the key to success.   COURSE OFFER Be the influencer your child deserves Empathic Discipline Audio Course: 9 key ways to succeed with empathic parenting 💥 Get in quick before the offer goes!... Pay what you want...nothing...or something! That's right to the first 23 people - at the time of this episode there are 20 spaces left! 👇👇👇👇 CLICK HERE: PAY WHAT YOU WANT

 If you're worried if your kids are going to be okay...tune in...and I'll help ease your mind. But also...here's a little something for you to get you excited (I hope)    Empathic Discipline Audio Course: 9 keys to support your children's emotional wellbeing 💥The first 23 people to click here WIN! 💥 ... Pay what you want...nothing...or something! That's right! 👇👇👇👇 CLICK HERE: PAY WHAT YOU WANT   music by Infraction

We all go crazy sometimes. Let me tell you what to do when you do. Empathy and Discipline course: www.huddlewisdom.com/practice FREE training: www.huddlewisdom.com/gettools Learn how to make easy roadmaps that help you navigate emotional storms with your kids

Violence and aggression is not abnormal but are there things we can do to minimize senseless harm in the world? Yes We cannot pass the buck. We must take collective responsibility but it does not have to be onerous work at all. In fact we can do better by using simple frameworks and mental models. Let me show you how. FREE training ➡️ Roadmaps for emotional storms  Huddlewisdom Course ✅ Help your kids to master their emotions with empathic parenting 3 part empathy model: Empathy triangle  

Children do as children do, our emotional responses says a lot more about us than it does about them. If you want to influence them well...let's talk about what we should do with ourselves first

How does being empathic help us become more influential. Here's a framework for understanding this and get on your way to becoming more influential. FREE training: Emotional Storms - mapping and navigating www.huddlewisdom.com/gettools Empathic discipline Audio course - be less stressed, and see your kids thrive! www.huddlewisdom.com/practice     music intro and outro by Infraction!

If you struggle organising yourself, try the 'circle board'. Efficiently structure your priorities and choices to get more of what's important done and liberate yourself from endless lists!!!!