NSFW Not Safe for Water (Did Pharaohs Masturbate into the Nile?)

Explicit content. There's a factoid floating around on the internet. It claims that, to ensure fertility and good harvest, pharaohs would annually masturbate into the River Nile. This claim is total bubkis, but where did it come from? Which deities and myths were most closely associated with such concepts? In this mini episode, we explore the factoid and its potential origins.

Great gods of fertility and Creation:

• Allen, J. P. (1988). Genesis in Egypt: The Philosophy of Ancient Egyptian Creation Accounts.

• Epigraphic Survey. (1940). Medinet Habu, Volume IV. Festival Scenes of Ramses III. Available free via The University of Chicago.

• Maher-Taha, M., Loyrette, A.-M., & Sayed, S. (1979). Le Ramesseum XI: les fêtes du dieu Min.

• Olette-Pelletier, J.-G. (2023). Min, l’Horus victorieux: Le dieu Min au Moyen Empire (Vol. 33).

• Siuda, T. L. (2024). The Complete Encyclopedia of Egyptian Deities.

• Wilkinson, R. H. (2000). The Complete Temples of Ancient Egypt..

• Wilkinson, R. H. (2003). The Complete Gods and Goddesses of Ancient Egypt.

Examples of the factoid:

• Anonymous, Did Egyptian Pharaohs Masturbate into the Nile? Retrieved June 16, 2025, from https://getmegiddy.com/egyptian-pharaohs-masturbate-into-nile

• Margolis, J. (2003). O: The Intimate History of the Orgasm. http://archive.org/details/isbn_9780802117861

• Menezes, R. (2022, March 21). Pharaohs Had the Grossest Ritual to Keep the Nile Running. Cracked.com. https://www.cracked.com/article_33015_pharaohs-had-the-grossest-ritual-to-keep-the-nile-running.html

• Taylor, M. (2021). You Know What We Should Bring Back? Ritually Jacking Off into Rivers. MEL Magazine. https://melmagazine.com/en-us/story/ancient-egypt-masturbation-nile

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