The Fr. Mike Schmitz Catholic Podcast

Fr. Mike speaks about evangelization, new media, and telling the story of God’s love at St. Charles Borromeo Seminary in Philadelphia. Addressing future pastors, he tells them “the heart of your formation is to become a dad” to your parishioners. He encourages them to use the same motto they use at the Newman Center of the University of Minnesota, Duluth, where he serves as campus minister. The motto he shares with students there is “See a need, fill a need.”  In other words, you don’t have to wait for permission to share the gospel, to be charitable, or to do good. Evangelization in the new world is at its heart no different than it’s always been. As Pope St. Paul VI shared in Evangelii Nuntiandi, if you’re baptized, you’ve been anointed to spread the gospel. And as Christ says when commissioning the apostles: “You shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samar′ia and to the end of the earth” (Acts 1:8). Christ is saying it’s our job to continue his mission.  But it’s not all about going out. We also need to go in, to look inward. Before we go out to evangelize, we need to invite Christ into our hearts. What does it mean to know him? And what does all of this have to do with new media? It’s all connected because of one word: story. Evangelization is about telling the story of God’s love as you have experienced it, and new media is just a new medium for spreading that centuries-old message, the kerygma.  How do you become a Catholic speaker? “Well, you get baptized and then you start talking” Fr. Mike says. Opportunities will come, but your first yes has to be to Christ. And the opportunities don’t have to be to speak to thousands of people thousands of miles away. Saying yes to Christ means being willing to talk about him to one person one block or one house away, or just to the person in front of you. Just as it starts with a personal encounter with Christ, the next step is to tell the story of God’s love for you to one person.  So how do we evangelize with new media? We don’t if we aren’t willing to do it without new media.  Also, getting into new media requires more than a person sitting in his living room sharing his opinion on something. It requires an entire Church community, and you. The speaker speaks, the team puts everything together, but the most important piece is the person who shares the video, program, podcast, or article with someone they know and love. Check out St. Charles Borromeo Seminary and their John Cardinal Foley Chair of Homiletics & Social Communications

Fr. Mike is at the library of St. Charles Borromeo Seminary in Philadelphia, and he’s answering the most asked questions about priests and the priesthood—according to the internet. He answers great questions like: Do priests get paid? Do they get married? Do they pay taxes? How do priests become bishops? Why do they wear black? Why do they kiss the altar? And more … Fr. Mike is visiting St. Charles Seminary to give a talk on evangelization and new media. The talk will be posted on Ascension Presents. So stay tuned to catch it.

Fr. Mike comments on whether swearing, as in using vulgar language, is a sin. He gives three times when using vulgar words can be sinful: If I use the vulgar word against someone, directing it toward them If I use a word connected to a sexual act, because sex between persons is meant to be holy and reserved for spousal love If I use a vulgar word in public, since it can scandalize people—especially if young ones are present. Remember that we are called to always be charitable. Our words mean something. We are called to build people up, not bring them down. The words we choose reflect and express what’s in our hearts “for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks” (Luke 6:45). What do you want to express, words that are at best crude or words that build people up?

There is a beauty in the fact that God shares his very name with us. He gives us his name so that we can call upon him in prayer, hold him in our hearts, and know we are not alone. Today, Fr. Mike discusses the importance of reverencing this name. While the world throws this holy title around, we are called to have awareness of the power and the goodness of God. Fr. Mike explains that in recognizing the meaning of names like God, Jesus, and Mary, we honor them and all they offer us. As we walk through life as God’s children, his name should never be regarded as an afterthought but instead considered one of the greatest gifts he has granted us.

There’s justice and prudence and temperance and fortitude, faith, and hope, and love. But do you recall the social virtues at all? Thankfulness and affability are some social virtues that show us how Catholics should connect with others in social situations. Thankfulness is the social virtue by which we acknowledge people and their generosity. It’s not just a customary expression of thanks when someone does something nice. It means going out of your way to show people your gratitude for them going out of their way for you. Affability is another word for approachability. It means you’re free to talk and free to help. You don’t mind people knocking on your door to tell you something. It is another social virtue that makes us put others before ourselves. Being introverted is not an excuse to avoid these virtues. An introverted person can most certainly have a heart focused on other people, and that is what’s at the heart of the social virtues. You may think these virtues aren’t as important as the others since they are not so explicitly mentioned in Scripture. In fact they are. Remember the parable of the lepers in Luke 17:11-19. Jesus heals ten lepers, and only one returns to thank him. Jesus asks, “Where are the other nine?” Likewise, Jesus regularly healed those who approached him out of the blue, showing affability. Jesus showed the social virtues, and so should we.

With each new year come new hopes, new plans, and new opportunities. Fr. Mike points out that this optimism and this “spirit” of New Year’s is a great inspiration of hope for the interior life of the Christian. For each of us, last year probably had a fair mix of “wins” and “losses” – of joy and suffering. Fr. Mike zeroes in on what was probably the worst evil and the greatest suffering you encountered last year – sin. Sin can lead to discouragement and embarrassment, and those demons can keep us from moving forward in hope. Maybe you’ve been wrestling with the same sin for a long time, or maybe you don’t want to go to the same priest about the same sin again and again. Maybe you feel like giving up. But we can have hope – “trust in another extended into the future” – in Jesus and in the sacrament of confession. As Fr. Mike’s friend Nick says, “If you fall, fall into the confessional.” Discouragement and embarrassment have no place in the life of the Christian. They keep us in the past, while their converses – hope and humility – keep us moving forward. This year is going to have its ups and downs, and we know we can’t trust in ourselves. But we can trust in Him in whom we place our hope. Happy New Year!

The only things we can be certain about are the things that have already happened to us in the past, and we live in a perpetual state of uncertainty about the future. If we’re honest, we can all probably agree that it’s not really comfortable to be constantly wondering what your life will look like in a month, in six months, in a year. We are always worrying about the future—especially when we sense that some form of suffering looms ahead. Father Mike walks us through the Five Joyful Mysteries: the Annunciation, the Visitation, the Nativity, the Presentation of Jesus in the Temple, and the Finding of Jesus in the Temple. He reflects on the fact that each of these joyful mysteries is marked with a profound uncertainty and suffering. And yet, joy is present. Think about what what Mary must have felt like when the Angel appeared to her and told her that the Holy Spirit would come upon her—that she was going to be the mother of the Messiah. The Angel didn’t reveal details to her. He didn’t assure her that Joseph wouldn’t divorce her, or that they would have to travel to Bethlehem but that they would make it in time for her to deliver. Yet, amidst the uncertainty of the moment, Mary gave a joyful Fiat. Joy can be present, because Christ is present. You are able to have a Merry Christmas today...not because there is no suffering, and no uncertainty, but because God is with us. Even in our darkness, we have seen a great light.

If you’re wondering about the difference between jealousy and envy, Fr. Mike clears up the confusion in this video. Simply put, jealousy is not wanting to share something or someone you possess or hope to possess, and envy is resentment toward the possessions of someone else. There can be some intersecting of the two, because it is possible to have an excessive or distorted kind of jealousy that’s actually based in envy, but jealousy can be good while envy is always sinful. This is an important distinction because on the one hand we have God who is jealous about us. Likewise, a husband and wife should be jealous about each other. On the other hand, St. Augustine described envy as the diabolical sin, basing his reasoning on Scripture: “through the devil’s envy death entered the world, and those who belong to his party experience it” (Wisdom 2:24). Worthy of note is the fact that good translations of the Bible translate 1 Corinthians 13:4 to say “love does not envy.” Rather than allowing the blessings of others to sadden us, let us rejoice in them and our own.

Sometimes we have to do stuff when we don’t feel like it, but finding the motivation to do those things is really difficult in the moment. That’s when it’s important to keep in mind that motivation is not about just feeling good about doing something. It’s about having a motive. If something is the right thing to do, it doesn’t matter if I feel like doing it or not, Fr. Mike says. The only motivation you need is the motivation to do the right thing. Fr. Mike’s friend Dean once told him this, “Emotions do not reveal the truth about reality, but they do reveal the conditions of your heart.” St. Ignatius of Loyola encouraged his followers to pay attention to their heart, because it’s revealing something very important that needs to be taken into account. Nonetheless, regardless of what your heart is telling you, the question to ask yourself is not “do I feel like doing this right now?” Rather, ask yourself, “Is this the right thing to do.”

What is the best way to prepare for the season of Advent? You’re free to do what you know will help you prepare for Christmas the best. If decorating and so forth does not help you prepare for the coming of Christ, you can be the judge of whether it’s worth doing. Fr. Mike also wants to remind us that Advent is not just about preparing for Christmas. It’s also about preparing for Christ’s Second Coming. One day we will meet Christ face to face. Advent is the stark reminder that we need to get ready for eternity. With that in mind, what if you prepared as if December 25 will be the day you die? Have a merry Advent.

Which is better, being an owner or a steward? Fr. Mike reminds us of the Parable of the Talents (Matthew 25:14-30) as he points out how seeing ourselves as an owner is not as great as it seems. When we see ourselves as the owner of something, we hold onto it more closely for fear of losing it. When that thing is taken from us, we may become resentful. Our lives are not our own, our bodies are not our own, our homes are not our own. Not even our children are ours. God owns all of these things, and we have done nothing to deserve them. God has entrusted them to us. If we see everything we have as a gift from God, we will always have a reason to be thankful. In our culture, we may have been conditioned to think being owners is the American Dream, but being a steward is much better.

Last week Fr. Mike Schmitz talked about why prayer is so hard in his battle of prayer video, and this week he talks about what to do when you experience dryness in prayer. He says being distracted or discouraged in prayer is like losing control of a car on ice. When dryness or distraction in prayer occurs, don’t overcompensate. Gently bring yourself back to focus. St. Theresa of Avila would always bring a book with her into prayer so she had some kind of springboard to converse with God. If this doesn’t help and dryness persists, then you persist. God may be calling you to a deeper relationship with him in these tough moments. There are some things God can only do when we come to him when we least want to. If you feel like God just isn’t giving you anything when you pray, it’s an opportunity to just spend time with the giver while expecting nothing in return.

Growing up Fr. Mike thought prayer should be like soaking in a hot tub. He didn’t understand why it was so hard when he tried it. It took him a while to learn that, as the Catechism says, prayer is a gift of grace and a determined response on our part. Prayer always presupposes effort. There’s always some kind of engagement when we properly pray to God. It’s not just about soaking in God’s grace. The required effort in prayer is difficult more often than it is not. Prayer is a battle against ourselves and “the wiles of the tempter who does all he can to turn man away from prayer” (CCC 2725). Over time, Fr. Mike discovered that prayer needs to be more than a momentary time where we seek solace and closeness with God. We need to constantly acknowledge our relationship with God throughout the day, just as a husband and wife are constantly thinking of each other. Then when we do set aside time to simply be with God, it happens more naturally. If you want to improve your prayer life, make the intentional and faithful decision to live the same way outside of prayer as you do within prayer.

Fr. Mike comments on Kanye West’s conversion. He celebrates Kanye’s conversion, but hesitates to lift him up as a Christian leader. He recommends that we let Kanye’s roots in the faith grow without the responsibility of having people watch his every step to see if he will fall; because we all fall in the walk of faith. Support Kanye by praying for him because everyone who is striving to do the will of God needs our prayers.

Fr. Mike uses the life of St. Maximillian Kolbe as an example of how God is going to interrupt us if we choose to do his will. We may love schedules, like Fr. Mike does, but life is unpredictable and tends to create a dangerous environment for our schedules. No less happened to St. Maximillian, who had plans for his life before being sent to Auschwitz. The inconveniences put in our path may not be that extreme, but be prepared to be interrupted if you want to be a saint. See interruptions as an occasion for holiness.

God may want you to be spontaneous, but he also wants you to be disciplined. How does that work? Well, unless you just want to have no control over you impulses like a dog chasing a squirrel, discipline is a necessary prerequisite to being spontaneous. Spontaneity requires a schedule, Fr. Mike says. God can only introduce new and exciting things into your day once you’ve done the things he put on your path in the first place. So make a schedule for your day. Yes, life will get in the way and you may have to abandon some things on that schedule, but at least having a schedule helps you decide whether or not the unexpected things are more important than the priorities you set for yourself. Fully embrace today by making a plan for it, as the author of Hebrews encourages us: “But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called ‘today,’ that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin” (Hebrews 3:13). The truly spontaneous person has a carpe diem attitude that starts with a set of determined goals. This determination is what gives him or her the energy boost to get to the uncharted territory of spontaneity. Have the disciple to schedule things right now so you have the freedom to be spontaneous later.

We may be too hard on ourselves when considering how we use the word “should.” Of course, we should go to Mass and pray every day. We should avoid stealing and other sins. However, in the midst of the healthy “shoulds,” there could be unhealthy “shoulds,” like “I should enjoy going to Mass and praying,” or “it shouldn’t be this hard to avoid sin.” But no one ever said that. No one ever said doing what’s right would be easy. So let’s stop “shoulding” ourselves, and let’s rely on God’s grace to pull us through instead. Our weakness is an opportunity to embrace God’s grace. Fr. Mike says if all the things we should do were easy, we wouldn’t need Jesus. “For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities; for when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:10).

Knowledge is always good, but St. Thomas Aquinas said curiosity—or the fickle pursuit of unnecessary knowledge—can be a vice. What he meant, and what Fr. Mike means here, is that the methods by which we feed our curiosity, and our motivation for feeding it, can lead to vice if we just want to know something instead of pursuing what we need to know. Those things we say we have to know about because everyone else is talking about them—like that popular show we say we simply cannot miss, or that things someone did that’s none of our business but we just need to know about it—these things can lead us away from a wholehearted pursuit of truth. The counterpart virtue of unhealthy curiosity is studiousness, where the motivation and method of pursuing knowledge are correct. Curiosity is a good place to start, but it should always lead to studiousness, the virtue of great minds.

If you’re in any kind of situation in your life where you feel you are limited in what you can control, you may not be as chained to your circumstances as you think. Fr. Mike offers encouragement, saying you can still make interior decisions and have an effect on your circumstances to some extent. You still have agency. Even though you may not be able to change everything you want, you can change your heart. Resentment and bitterness can prevent a great deal of needed change, so if they’re in your heart start by surrendering them to the Lord. This will give you internal freedom similar to what Jesus had when he was suffering on the Cross. Give your circumstances to the Lord and put them under his dominion. This may lead to more pain, but it’s better than staying bitter because if we remain in that bitterness our hearts will become numb and incapable of love.

Fr. Mike says the key to making decisions together is distinguishing between preferences and principles. If the reason you’re favoring a choice is a matter of principle, it is your duty to lead the other person in that decision to the truth of that principle. If the choice you’re favoring is just a matter of preference though, charity suggests that you default to the preference of the beloved one involved in the decision instead. Fr. Mike uses going to church as an example. It is a matter of principle that we have to go to Sunday Mass and worship God the way he tells us to, so if someone tells us going to a Catholic Mass is just our preference we can tell them as a matter of fact it’s not. However, if the issue is which church we go to for Sunday Mass, say St. Francis’ Church or St. Andrew’s, more often than not that is just a matter of preference. For a helpful book on decision-making, check out _Pray, Decide, and Don’t Worry _by Jackie and Bobby Angel, with Fr. Mike.

Fr. Mike offers the antidote of common sense for the anxiety that often comes after making a big decision. As a campus minister, he sees many students who feel like they made the wrong decision to come to college because things are not the way they imagined. To people in these situations, he advises them to stay the course. Paraphrasing St. Ignatius of Loyola and C.S. Lewis, he says to never change your course in times of desolation when that same course rang true for you in times of consolation. Give yourself a season, time to figure things out. If you’re about to make a big decision and don’t know which course to take, or know someone who is in that situation, check out the new book by Jackie and Bobby Angel, with Fr. Mike Schmitz, Pray, Decide, and Don’t Worry: Five Steps to Discerning God’s Will, now available for pre-order at ascensionpress.com

After reading a book on will power, Fr. Mike discovered an important lesson when it comes to how we handle spiritual setbacks. He noticed how resisting sin is a lot like resisting a donut when on a diet. If we resist for some time but then end up giving in and eating the donut, that doesn’t mean all of our progress in the diet is lost. In the same way, if we resist sin for some time but then give in, the grace God offers us through confession can restore us. In fact, it can restore to even higher than we were before. “Law came in, to increase the trespass; but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more” (Romans 5:20). So let’s not give up when we fall into sin, but keep our eyes on heaven and God’s grace and live accordingly.

Fr. Mike responds to last week’s episode, “Expressing Your Opinions”, where he said when we speak our mind we need to consider why, what, who, and how. We need to discern why we think we should express our opinion. What’s our motive? We need to consider what it is we are commenting on, and whether we are in a position to do so. We need to keep in mind who we are talking to. Are we in an advisory role in their lives? And finally, how are we addressing the issue? Are we being coy or passive aggressive? Are we being harsh and inconsiderate? The apostle James speaks of the tongue being a fire (see James 3:6). He wrote: “Let not many of you become teachers, my brethren, for you know that we who teach shall be judged with greater strictness” (James 3:1). In this video, Fr. Mike is not referring to any comments regarding current events in the Church. He’s talking about his experience as a member of his parish and campus ministry community, and the daily experiences we all have as members of the Church. So how do we say what we strongly feel needs to be said? Speak the truth creatively and wisely after discerning things. That’s how the saints did it. In fact, many saints died rather than withholding the truth that needed to be said. But they did this after great prayer and discernment. We have exciting news! Fr. Mike will be joining Jeff Cavins on a pilgrimage to Israel June 1-12, 2020. The pilgrimage is for young adults ages 18-30, and will be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to deepen your faith by visiting the places where Jesus walked. Find out more here.

Fr. Mike says there are four things you should ask yourself before expressing your opinion: why, what, who, and how. First, evaluate why you’re expressing this thought. Is it because it’s the right thing to do, or is it because you are trying to one-up someone? Second, what is your opinion? Is it something true, like a principal, or is it just a preference? Third, who are you talking to and what is your relationship to this person? Lastly, how are you expressing yourself? Even if you are totally in the right, the way you say it is of the utmost importance in order for people to listen. If you consider these questions when expressing your opinion or trying to correct someone, you’ll be much more likely to find a willing listener. Check out the "2020 Vision" Young Adult Pilgrimage to the Holy Land with Fr. Mike and Jeff Cavins at jeffcavins.com

Catholics use Scripture and Tradition because Scripture tells us to use both. St. Paul wrote to the Thessalonians: “So then, brethren, stand firm and hold to the traditions which you were taught by us, either by word of mouth or by letter” (2 Thessalonians 2:15). If God wanted us to use Scripture alone, wouldn’t he tell us as much in the Bible? True, St. Paul emphasizes the value of Scripture: “All scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work” (2 Timothy 3:16-17). However, St. Paul is just as emphatic about the value of the Church: “If I am delayed, you may know how one ought to behave in the household of God, which is the church of the living God, the pillar and bulwark of the truth” (1 Timothy 3:15). Fr. Mike explains how the Catholic Church has made all of God’s gifts more accessible to humanity through the ages. Scripture, the Magisterium, and Tradition are not opposing authorities battling for power. They are three pillars that support and inform each other—making God all the more present to us.

If we can’t use the Lord’s name in vain, can we joke about God? Fr. Mike makes the case that there is room for humor about God in the context of love. No one in the universe or beyond it deserves more honor, respect, and reverence than God, and we jeopardize our souls if we fail to see this. At the same time, though, Jesus called us his friends (John 15:15). Friends can joke about each other because they know there is mutual love and respect there. It goes even deeper than that though, Fr. Mike argues. God is calling us to a whole different kind of relationship, a whole different kind of intimacy, through his son Jesus. If we enter into that relationship and nurture it, we may discover that God does indeed have a sense of humor, a whole new sense of humor we didn’t even think was possible. Catechism paragraph on the Second Commandment: “Blasphemy is directly opposed to the second commandment. It consists in uttering against God - inwardly or outwardly - words of hatred, reproach, or defiance; in speaking ill of God; in failing in respect toward him in one's speech; in misusing God's name. St. James condemns those "who blaspheme that honorable name [of Jesus] by which you are called" (James 2:7). The prohibition of blasphemy extends to language against Christ's Church, the saints, and sacred things. It is also blasphemous to make use of God's name to cover up criminal practices, to reduce peoples to servitude, to torture persons or put them to death. The misuse of God's name to commit a crime can provoke others to repudiate religion” (CCC 2148)

Fr. Mike points out five things the Church can learn from one of the latest fitness crazes, Crossfit: In Crossfit gyms, you’re seen, you’re known, and you’re missed when you’re not there. How often does someone stop coming to church without us even noticing? Crossfit is functional fitness, exercises that help you live your life. If we can bridge the gap between what we do on Sunday and our lifestyle, we will see how church helps us be more virtuous in our everyday life. Crossfit has scaled workouts. Crossfit trainers ask you what you can do. What if we made spiritual exercises tailored to each individual and what they can do? Crossfit is challenging. Pursuing Jesus is a challenge. What if we challenged Catholics, calling them to something higher? People doing Crossfit are willing to be led and to learn. What if pastors were more willing to be leaders, and parishioners more willing to be led?

Not every protagonist in the Bible makes the morally good choice. The Bible is not a collection of stories that tell us how to live. It’s not a bunch of fables; the stuff in the Bible really happened. If the characters who we are told to look up to always did the right thing, it wouldn’t have much to teach us about real life. In real life, we all make wrong decisions, and the stories in the Bible show us the consequences of those decisions.

Fr. Mike answers that God does not make us with flaws, but we are all born with the unfortunate effects of original sin. We were all made in the image and likeness of God, but if we feel like some sinful behavior has been a part of us for as long as we can remember, that part doesn’t come from God. It comes from our fallen nature. Whether or not we were “born that way”, God still wants to make us holy and wipe away even the most deep-seated blemishes. God loves us just as we are, but loves us too much to keep us that way. Admit it, acknowledge it, accept it, but don’t stop there. Allow God to transform it into something that can give him glory. “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it” (1 Corinthians 10:.13).

Fr. Mike offers a follow-up to his video on Dr. John Gottman’s “four horsemen of the apocalypse” with this video on Dr. Gottman’s proposed remedy: the Golden Ratio. For every one instance of these four horsemen that signify a relationship is falling apart—which are defensiveness, criticism, stonewalling, and contempt—there should be five instances of the opposite. The four horsemen still rear their heads in the healthy relationships that Dr. Gottman observed, but these relationships have the following interactions five times as often: Giving respect and honoring the other person Building up the other person and affirming them Meeting the other person where they are Opening up to receive their questions and comments in a positive manner If you feel like you’re in a relationship where the four horsemen show up too often, try putting this Golden Ratio into practice. See more at media.ascensionpress.com

Fr. Mike goes all the way back to Genesis to explain why Catholics have a pope. God established the kingdom of Israel with the twelve sons of Jacob. Centuries later, he appointed David as the king who would unite this kingdom. Centuries after that kingdom was divided, Jesus established a new kingdom by appointing the twelve apostles. To unite this new kingdom, which is the Church, he appointed Peter as his vicar here on earth. Jesus is the king, but he gave the keys of the kingdom to Peter. This means Peter and his successors play the role of the “prime minister”, or the right-hand-man, or the steward of the king while Jesus is gone. The papacy may be a divisive topic today, but clearly God gave his Church a pope as a sign of unity for all who are a part of the new kingdom Christ established.

We hear the phrase “in the world but not of it” quite often. But how do we live that out in our everyday lives? Fr. Mike gives a crash course on how to follow Christ in situations where there may be tension between you and someone you’re close to. Reminding us of Matthew 10:34, “I have not come to bring peace, but a sword,” Fr. Mike explains that Jesus is a cause of division. As followers of Christ, we have to acknowledge and accept the painful reality that following him will cause us to be divided from many people we love. Once we accept that, allowing God’s love to fill our hearts, we will search for ways to love those who strongly disagree with us. See more at ascensionpress.com

When it comes to trying to control God and keep him at a distance in our lives, there are at least two ways that we go about it. Either we lay low and stay out of trouble, or we excel at whatever task we’ve currently been assigned to. Both strategies intend to keep God out of our lives so we can keep doing what we’re doing, because we’re comfortable doing it. Well, if you’re in one of those camps, get ready because God can call you to something different any minute now. You may not have even noticed yourself slipping into one of these subtle thought processes that so many of us slip into. That’s why it’s important to give our lives to God at least daily. Try doing it first thing in the morning before anything else. That’s how Fr. Mike does it, and it seems to have worked out quite well for him. “Every branch of mine that bears no fruit, he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit.” (John 15:2).

Fr. Mike is honest about why it’s so hard for us to make friends. A necessity for friendship is time, something that many of us simply don’t have. More than that, true friendship requires a painful level of vulnerability and transparency. When asking yourself who you are willing to be friends with, you’re really asking “Who are you willing to give access to your wounds?” With that in mind, consider what Jesus said: “No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you” (John 15:15). How much time do you spend with Jesus? Will you give him access to your wounds? This is afterall what it means to be a friend. Are you a friend of Jesus?

Fr. Mike asks if the bad things you think you don’t have the capacity to do are actually just things you don’t have the opportunity to do. A friend of Fr. Mike’s was recovering from an addiction, and this friend noticed how he was deceiving himself. He was telling himself “I would never …” when he should have been saying, “I haven’t yet ...” Many times the sins we avoid we have only avoided because we haven’t had the opportunity to commit them. Acknowledging that we may do something regretful if given the opportunity is a great—although difficult—exercise in self-knowledge that could prevent some serious sin in the future. This week, consider the benefits that come with strengthening your self-discipline. Make an extra attempt to reinforce a virtue that may help you combat the corresponding vice. This will go a long way in increasing your holiness.

How we spend our time is one of the most valuable decisions we make, because time is one thing we can never get back once it’s gone. Maybe God is calling you to do something more with your time, in this very moment even, but distractions are pulling you in too many different directions to focus. Make no mistake, distractions steal our time, even those we willfully choose. Even worse, as St. Alphonsus Ligouri said, voluntary distraction can steal our soul. Maybe there’s a dozen different things you know you should be doing, but you can’t choose one, so you choose none. If that’s the case, Fr. Mike says to take solace in the fact that you only have to choose one task, because the reality is that multitasking doesn’t work anyway. Holiness is to choose one thing, namely to say yes to God’s will. So choose your one sacrifice, and say yes to the focused and singular task of holiness.

For many people, the Catholic Church’s teaching on in vitro fertilization and contraception is a hard one, but it is in concordance with the nature of things. The nature of a thing, as Fr. MIke puts it, is its “what-it’s-for-ness”. Sex is for procreation and the unity of the couple. Equally important is the fact that sex, not in vitro fertilization, is the natural way to bring forth a new life. Contraception and in vitro fertilization violate the nature of not only sex, but also the nature of the person and life itself. If you feel that this teaching prohibits you from being truly happy, Fr. Mike offers encouragement. It may not seem fair to us at first, but the deep abiding peace we acquire from living by God’s plan is better than anything we could acquire by doing things our way.

Perhaps you’ve felt the temptation to be a cookie-cutter Catholic, one who does all the Catholic things that other Catholics are doing because they think … well … that’s what makes us Catholic. But comparison is kind of like the cousin of envy, Fr. Mike says. If we only express our faith in certain ways because that’s what other believers around us our doing, we should re-examine our relationship with Christ. After all, he is the only one we should pattern our life after.

What good does feeling sorry for yourself do? Fr. Mike points out a hard truth in saying—while you have the right to grieve when tragic things happen in your life—you never have the right, or permission, to feel sorry for yourself. All it does is shrink the universe down to the size of you. It blocks out the blessings God gave you that you should be thankful for, and paralyzes you from joyfully giving to others. When you feel the temptation to feel sorry for yourself coming on, in the words of St. Paul, Fr. Mike recommends: “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in the one body. And be thankful” (Colossians 3:15). Quote from G.I. Jane: “I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself” (Viggo Mortensen as Master Chief John James Urgayle in G.I. Jane, original quote from D.H. Lawrence, 20th century English writer).

Many people say God acted much differently in the Old Testament than he did in the New Testament. They say the God of the New Testament is merciful and compassionate, but in the Old Testament he is often harsh and unforgiving. A thorough look at Scripture reveals that this is not the case. God is in fact merciful and just throughout the Bible. Fr. Mike clears up a great deal of confusion between the Old and New Testaments, and shows how God has stayed quite the same since before the beginning of time until now. This isn't the first time Fr. Mike's been asked about God changing, check out his original answer here.

God wants you to be holy, so he is going to set you on a path of purification if you choose to do his will. He is the one who is going to make you holy. This process is going to strip away many things you hold dear. It’s going to require active participation in his will, doing what is right and good. But it’s also going to require passive acceptance of things that are out of your control. See everything you do and experience as a chance to grow in holiness, and God will make you into a saint.

Jesus asked the crippled man at the pool of Bethesda, “Do you want to be well?” It seems like an obvious question, but—as Fr. Mike explains—in order for this man to desire healing, he had to believe he could be healed. So many of us have given up on the thought that God can change us from whatever it is we don’t want to be into whatever it is we want to be, and what we believe he wants us to be. Whether it’s an illness, lack of willpower, or just lack of ability, we believe our problem is chronic. Jesus’ question to the man at the pool is an appeal to the man’s belief that God can heal him. Believing God can make a drastic change for the better in our own lives may just be the key to actually making that change happen.

There are many great ways to describe hope, but Fr. Mike defines it as “trust in another extended into the future.” He recalls two stories from the Gospels that exemplify what hope is not. When Peter denied Christ, and when the two travelers on the road to Emmaus abandoned their hope in Christ. Peter had Jesus (they were basically best friends), but—by denying him—was essentially saying he didn’t need Jesus. The travelers needed Jesus, but the way they saw it they no longer had him. Fr. Mike explains how hope is knowing that we have Jesus and knowing that we need him. This hope can empower us to courageously get through our darkest hours.

Fr. Mike’s words on taking up our crosses may come as a relief to many of us. He rejects the “harder is holier” approach, and reminds us that taking up our crosses is ultimately about having more freedom. Christ says “My yoke is easy, and my is burden light” (Matthew 11:30). God has a particular task for each of us, and taking up our crosses means denying what we want for our lives so that we can do God’s will. After all, that is what we were made to do and the only way to truly be free. “Then Jesus told his disciples, ‘If any man would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it” (Matthew 16:24-25).

Jiminy Cricket said “Always let your conscience be your guide,” but how do I know if I have a good conscience? A good conscience more often is concerned with our responsibilities than with our rights. It is more preoccupied with what God wants than with what I want. Fr. Mike tells us, “Stop thinking like the world and start thinking like God.” The world will have us think our conscience is the final judge on what is right and wrong, but as Catholics we know that God is the final judge, and our consciences need to be formed—in fact, transformed—to abide by and abide in his will. “Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may prove what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect” (Romans 12:2). Interesting tidbit: As you may know, “Jiminy Cricket” is a minced oath for “Jesus Christ”; but did you know that Blessed John Henry Newman considered the conscience to be the “aboriginal vicar of Christ”?

When Catholics call Mary their mother, it may seem like they are taking away some of the respect due to Jesus and giving it to Mary. This is far from the case. Fr. Mike points out two reasons why calling Mary our mother can improve our relationship with Christ, and strengthen our faith life. Loving the people Jesus loves helps you love him more. The more you love Mary the more you love God. Jesus gave Mary to us as our Mother on the Cross. “When Jesus saw his mother, and the disciple whom he loved standing near, he said to his mother, ‘Woman, behold, your son!’ Then he said to the disciple, ‘Behold, your mother!’ And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home” (John 19:26-27).

Fr. Mike discusses four signs that your relationship is in danger of falling apart, especially when it comes to stonewalling. Stonewalling, as used in the context of this episode, is when we refuse to communicate or cooperate with someone. Psychologist Dr. John Gottman calls it one of the “four horsemen of the apocalypse”, or one of four types of expression that indicate that your relationship is falling apart. The other three are defensiveness, criticism, and contempt. As Christians, we should always pay attention to the one who is communicating with us. After all, we would expect at least that much from them when communicating with them. Loving someone means seeing them. By seeing, here we mean literally looking them in the eyes when they talk to you, but also understanding them and seeing them as a person made in God’s image.

Fr. Mike is asked a lot about what to do when your life is thrown off course by a breakup. In a previous episode, Fr. Mike discussed four questions to ask yourself when discerning God’s will for your life. When presented with a new door (or big decision), ask yourself: Is it good? Is it open? Is it wise? Is it something I want? Now when applying this discernment process to a relationship, you have to remember that the other person is likely asking him or herself the same questions. The hardest heartbreak, though, comes when the first three questions check out but the fourth question—Is this something I want?—does not. In these situations, the one thing Fr. Mike says not to do is blame God. If you’re the one choosing to break up with your significant other, it’s easy to deflect the blame onto God and say he told you to do it. It’s more likely, however, that God gave you the freedom to choose what to do for yourself. So take responsibility. If you are the one who was dumped, God still has a plan for you. You are more than a footnote to the life of your former boyfriend or girlfriend, so don’t let anything he or she said make you feel that way. Go and find where God is leading you next.

What does the Israelites’ forty years in the desert tell us about the purpose of Lent? Sure, they both involve the number forty—which often represents a time of test and trial in the Bible—but what’s the more important connection? The Israelites’ time in the desert and our forty-day Lenten fast represent God’s invitation for us to trust him completely. Fr. Mike explains, the Israelites did not believe the Lord could bring them into the Promised Land because it was inhabited by a people much more powerful and larger than Israel—they didn’t trust him even after he delivered them from slavery to the largest civilization on the planet, Egypt. We can be the same way. We think God can’t give us the strength to overcome this or that sin or habit. But purpose of Lent is to set aside time for us to trust God completely so we can see that he is all we need.

Fr. Mike knows the tricks we can play on ourselves when it comes to picking something for Lent. So he gives a straightforward guideline: Don’t pick something that’s arbitrary. Pick something that is necessary. In other words, don’t say you’re giving up watermelon when you know you will hardly eat watermelon anyway; and don’t give up hot showers if you know cold showers actually won’t help you grow in holiness. We can easily fool ourselves into thinking strictness equates to holiness. Likewise, we can fall into the trap of thinking that the easiest thing will be the most helpful. What do I really need to do or give up for Lent? If I take an honest look inside myself, it may be something difficult, but I will know.