The Christian Working Woman

I am looking at some biblical principles which give us guidance when we have to deal with a difficult relationship—like a coworker who is lazy, uncooperative, negative, to name a few. The “Speak-the-Truth-in-Love” Principle Ephesians 4:14-15 gives us a very important principle: Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ (Ephesians 4:14-15). According to the Apostle Paul, speaking the truth to people is sometimes a way we can help them grow. Of course, the operative word here is “love.” Have you ever spoken the truth in haste or anger, hatred or vindictiveness, or with malice or in defensiveness? The truth can often be very painful. When we speak it in anything but love, we can open a door that never should be opened and cause a rift in a relationship that may never be healed. Which would describe you best? Would you say you have difficulty speaking the truth in love even when you know you should? If so, is that because you hate confrontations or fear rejection or repercussions? Or perhaps you feel guilty since you know you’re not perfect either. Or would you say you speak the truth too freely and often without compassion or forethought? In practicing this biblical principle of speaking the truth in love, you need to exercise extreme caution. Words are very powerful and need to bathed in prayer. Your motivation must be carefully scrutinized to make certain you are speaking the truth in love for the right reason at the right time. However, remember speaking the truth in love is a biblical principle, and when God puts you in a position to speak that, failing to do so is to rob the person of an opportunity to become more mature.

Relationships are the sandpaper of life. Isn’t it often true the relationship struggles of your life are used by God to refine and teach and help you grow to maturity? I want to examine five biblical principles we need to know when we are experiencing relationship difficulties on our jobs. The Extra-Mile Principle We are called to have an extra-mile attitude in our relationships with others. Matthew 5:38-41 is pretty clear about this. You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles (Matthew 5:38 – 41). What does it mean to have an extra-mile attitude, to turn the other cheek, to give your cloak as well as your shirt? Jesus was trying to teach us: to endure unfair treatment at times, without griping or complaining. to refrain from saying some of the things we would like to say to that difficult coworker. to do some work we don’t have to or want to do. to put in extra time and effort to help a difficult person. Surely that is all a part of this extra mile principle. And it would lead you to endure at times and to do more than perhaps even your employer would require or expect of you. But there is also a balance we must find. I believe Jesus gave us boundaries with this extra mile principle, and he is not teaching us to endure any unacceptable behavior or habits forever and never say anything negative to anyone. Do you go the extra mile with difficult relationships? When we are willing to, it can often open a door for a miracle.

Presented by Lauren Stibgen Patience is often framed as an outward expression. We are told to have patience with situations and people, timing and circumstances. How can we reflect patience in very specific ways to help ourselves become even more impactful at work and in life overall? And how will this impact ultimately help us fulfill our true vocation—to shine the light of Christ in this world? Those of us in Christ Jesus are “the salt of the earth, and the light of the world meant for people to see our good works and give glory to our Father in heaven.” This is a paraphrase of Matthew 5:13-15. Working on our saltiness and our light calls us to consider our own behaviors and habits with patience. After all, how can we seek to maintain our salt and light if we are impatient? What is impatience? Defined as the tendency to be impatient; irritability or restlessness, it feels agitated and wrought with anxiety and fear. Impatience feels consuming to me. Something that can keep me up at night thinking about all of the ways I need to solve for a situation or maybe how something has gone terribly wrong. It certainly doesn’t feel at all settled. And it certainly doesn’t feel like seeking the Lord. Our God is all about patience with us. I recently shared that my own salvation happened when I was 30. God worked and worked for 30 years until that moment. He used my story to draw my grandmother to himself when she was 80! Yes 80. She is now 94 and recently shared her musings with me about how our bodies will be transformed in heaven. We both said, “Thank God!” You see, I have every reason to believe in the long game. We need to consider God’s timing on matters and his lavish patience as we decide to hone our own patience for increasing our own salt and light! God waited 4,000 years between the fall of Adam in Genesis to Jesus’ birth in Matthew. We learn in 2 Peter 3:8 that: with the Lord a day is like a thousand years and a thousand years is like a day. When it comes to considering patience, we need to reflect on how finite our human view on time is. It is a clock with seconds, minutes, and hours and a calendar of days. But this is clearly not God’s view on time. This 4,000-year gap between the fall and our Savior did not feel long to God at all. With this view of time in mind, let’s consider our own patience in the form of habits. There are so many books and articles about habit formation. A simple Google search will tell you that building a habit can take anywhere from 18 to 254 days with the average being 66 days. I loved reading the article “How Long Does it Really Take to Form a Habit?” on scientificamerican.com which stated that the 21 days to habit formation is a myth. To me this makes sense considering God’s timing and in his creation of you and me as individuals made in his image. In the eyes of God, our habit formation should be dependent on him. Thinking about anything we want to accomplish should start with developing a healthy patience and reliance on God alone. Another term used for biblical patience is long-suffering. Having a long view of habit formation of any kind will surely give us endurance to not cave into the pressures of the moment, to give into impatience in reaching our desired results! Be encouraged his mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:23). Every morning, we are blessed with a new day to start forming good habits——we just need patience and to know God is patient with us! Having God-centered habits can help us maintain patience! And patience is powerful. Patience brings presence and perseverance. It can help you rise! Let’s talk about five habits for maintaining patience. First, wait on the Lord. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes (Psalm 37:7). When we see others around us perhaps making more progress than we feel we have been making, we can become impatient. You have probably heard the phrase “comparison kills.” I say yes and amen! It can derail us from patiently forming habits. Recently, I asked a dear friend to teach me to crochet. She made me the warmest and cozy hat, and she did it in the matter of a day. Let’s just say that after an hour of personal tutorial from her, I could barely make the first knot. Patience. I wasn’t fretting about my inability to crochet. I keep picking it up in spare moments, and I am getting better—patiently. And I rejoice in her ability to make me hats! What are you trying to master professionally? Surely my crochet example isn’t anything that is going to launch me into a new career, but honestly it has been good for me as I consider some professional habits that can lead to success. Keeping my eyes on my own progress and not the success of others keeps me away from feelings of restlessness or agitation that may come out in the form of jealous behavior towards others. What about when you see people “winning,” and you know the way that they went

Proverbs 31 says the virtuous woman is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. What does it mean to be able to laugh at the days to come? As I was re-reading that beautiful chapter in Proverbs, I thought about that phrase—laughing at the days to come. For me, it means as I look at my personal future, I know regardless of what happens to me, my future destiny is secure. I’ve got eternal life right now because I’ve accepted Jesus as my Savior. Regardless of what the days hold, I’m not beset with the fears and worries of those who don’t know Jesus as their Savior. I can laugh at the days to come. It means I can face an uncertain financial future and laugh at it. I can’t be certain I’ll have an income next week or next month or next year. But because my safety net is Jesus Christ, I can laugh at that prospect and say, “Never fear! God has promised to supply all my needs. Laugh at the days to come!” As I look at the trouble in the Middle East and see how tenuous things are in this world, I realize it would only take a small spark to put us on the brink of another awful war. And while that certainly isn’t a laughing matter, I can laugh at the fear and the oppression of those thoughts, because my God is sovereign, and nothing is going to happen in this world without his purpose being served. Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God (Psalm 20:7). You may be facing many uncertainties, and you just don’t know what the future will bring. But if your trust is in God—not in people, not in money, not in possessions or position—then you can laugh at the days ahead. Paul put it another way: Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God (Philippians 4:6). A great way to avoid anxiety and worry is to laugh at the days ahead. Those days are in God’s hands, and he is perfectly capable of taking you through whatever they may hold.

We read in James 4 and again in 1 Peter 5 that we are to humble ourselves. I’m examining four things we need to learn, and here’s another one: We need to learn humility—how to humble ourselves. How do we do that? In Numbers 12:3 Moses is identified as a very humble man, more humble than anyone else on the face of the earth. What was it that made Moses so humble? After all, he had great power and wealth, and the highest position in his country. He had spiritual privileges—talking with God face-to-face—and he performed incredible miracles. How could he be so humble? Here are some things that contributed to Moses’ humility. First, he spent forty years in the desert because of a failure on his part. Humbling ourselves means we have to learn that in our own strength, we are failures. For ten years of my life, I thought I could make things happen, as we say. I had to learn that in myself I can do nothing. Remember Moses had a speech impediment. He stuttered and couldn’t give a speech, so Aaron became his spokesperson. That had to be humbling for a great leader. It was a constant reminder to him that his talents and skills were not sufficient. The Apostle Paul had that same experience—a thorn in the flesh, he called it—which God did not remove because he knew Paul would need that thorn to remind him of where his strength came from, to keep him humble. I encourage you to learn to be thankful for the impediments you have, the things missing in your life, which contribute to helping you learn humility. It’s extremely important we be truly humble, and, like Moses, we need reminders of our needs so we can humble ourselves. One reason Moses was able to be humble is the highest priority of his life was to know God. Moses knew God better than any other person on earth. He spent lots of time alone with God. When we start to focus our lives on knowing God, humility is an inevitable result. You learn true humility as you learn who you are in comparison to who God is. In Philippians 2, we read Jesus humbled himself to become a servant. Servanthood is one revealing sign of true humility. I remember someone complaining about the fact that when he came to church, no one gave him any attention, and he couldn’t form any real strong relationships because people weren’t friendly. And I thought to myself: A servant doesn’t react that way. A servant doesn’t come into a group to see what that group can do for him or her but rather, comes ready to do something for others. We learn to humble ourselves as we learn to serve others.

Do you give up too easily? Do you keep wishing for the easy way out of whatever you are facing? It’s likely you, like me, could use a lesson or two in how to persevere. Lots of people make good starts; not too many complete the course. We read in Hebrews 12:1 we should run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Note each of us has a unique race marked out. Your race will be different from mine, but the important thing for both of us is to hang in there and cross the finish line. The night is darkest just before the dawn, and all too often we quit the race when it gets dark and bleak, without realizing the finish line is just around the corner. In James 1, we read: Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything (James 1:4). Without perseverance we won’t reach spiritual maturity. That’s why we need to learn it. How often do you feel like quitting? I can remember saying to the Lord, “What use is it, Lord? I don’t see light at the end of the tunnel, and I’d just like to walk away from the whole thing.” If you have those kinds of thoughts, you might as well talk to God about them. He knows what you’re thinking anyway. But God reminded me I’m called to be faithful, to persevere, and I had to learn it all over again. Don’t wander away from the path but forge steadily onward. On the right path the limping foot recovers strength and does not collapse (Hebrews 12:13). Therefore, we need to make certain we’re on the right path and then stay on it regardless. Even if you’re just limping along, don’t stop. As we hang in there, our limps are healed, and we’re able to cross the finish line. How often do we quit as soon as we develop a limp? We failed, we weren’t able to accomplish something we had planned, the resources we were counting on didn’t come through, things didn’t go as smoothly as we hoped. We got a “hitch in our get-along”, and that ended the race for us. But the Bible says keep going on the right path even with your limp. Paul wrote to the Corinthians, now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful (1 Corinthians 4:2). Proving faithful is perseverance, and we can learn to be faithful and to persevere. I’ll take a faithful person any day over one with bigger talents or gifts who isn’t willing to hang in and get the job done—to stick with it through thick and thin times.

I’m examining four things we need to learn. And high on that list is our need to learn how to let go. There are times when we simply must let go and turn situations over to God. By letting go, it does not mean we don’t care, nor that we wouldn’t do whatever we could do to help the situation. It simply means we recognize where our abilities end and where we relinquish situations to God’s control. For instance, most parents face this “let go” decision with their children. You raise your children the best you can, you try to teach them biblical principles, you do everything you know to help them. But at some point, you let them go. Perhaps you let them go, and they make their own mistakes. But you know there’s no other way for them to learn. You let them go make their own decisions, even if you could make better ones for them. We parents have to learn to let our children go. I answered a letter from a listener who is struggling with letting go of his dream to be married. He really wants a partner and is obsessed with that dream and just can’t let go of it. Often, we have to let our dreams go—those cherished things we’ve been hoping and longing for. They may be very good things, like getting married. But God often wants to know if we love him more than we love our dream. And so we have to let go. Sometimes those dreams are returned to us fulfilled; sometimes they are not. But until we let go, they will possess us and rob us of joy and contentment. We have to learn to let our burdens go. Jesus has told us to turn our heavy burdens over to him and accept his light one in exchange. I think many of us feel guilty when there’s a problem in our life if we aren’t feeling the burden all the time. But that’s not the way God wants us to respond. He wants us to drop our burdens at his feet and just keep letting them go. I can tell you that many times I verbally tell God, “Lord, I’m dropping this right here. I’m letting it go, because it’s too heavy for me.” What is it that God wants you to let go of today? Let me encourage you to do it. You can trust God. He’s able to take care of the situation, but first you have to give it over to him. Un-clinch those fists right now and just keep learning to let go. You’ll have to learn and re-learn, but it’s an important principle to learn for your daily living.

I am examining four things you and I need to learn—and re-learn and re-learn! For example, how often do we need to learn to be content. Someone once said, “The thing about life is, it’s just so daily.” Do you find it that way sometimes: Routine, mundane, repetitive, and seemingly meaningless? Learning to live with the dailyness of life is a key to contentment and joy. At times, we are victims of looking on the other side of our fence and deciding the grass over there sure looks greener than our grass. It just sometimes seems like our lives are painted drab gray and everybody else has bright red or yellow! All our lives are made up in large part of those daily duties, those mundane tasks, those repetitive responsibilities. Nobody escapes them. Regardless of how green the grass looks in someone else’s garden, believe me when I tell you their lives are very daily, too. Someone once wrote: “The uncommon life is the product of the day lived in the uncommon way.” That means a person whose life is exciting and full is one who finds meaning and satisfaction in the seemingly insignificant, daily things in our lives. Let me give you a very simple example: I have some china I really love. And it’s gives me great pleasure to set my table with it, to hold it, even to wash it. I enjoy my china. I remember once, when my daughter was very young, she found it rather strange to hear me getting excited about this china that I had owned for years. And I said to her, “If you can find pleasure and joy in the little things in your life, your life will be full of pleasure and joy. Otherwise, it’s going to be very drab most of the time, with a few high points only now and then.” Regardless of how humble and unpretentious your daily life may seem, you can elevate it if you can learn to enjoy and appreciate the “dailyness” of your life—if you can appreciate what you have. As the Apostle Paul tells us in Philippians 4, it is learning the secret of being content in any and every situation. Contentment brings meaning to our daily lives and frees us from the dreariness of looking over our fence at someone else’s grass. Have you enrolled in the school of contentment? You can begin today by appreciating the small things, smelling the roses in your life, instead of being focused on what you don’t have and looking over your fence all the time.

Life is full of “what ifs”, and often they are negative, right? They are usually full of fear and worrisome imaginations. And when you focus on all those “what ifs,” when you allow your mind to go to those negative possibilities, you become discouraged and frankly, miserable. So, let me ask you: How much time do you spend in the “what ifs” of life? In fear and worry, thinking about what could or might happen? Here’s another “what if”: What if you changed “what if” to “even if”? Even if I lose my job, even if I get a bad health report, even if I’m robbed, even if someone I love dies. If you’re born from above through faith in Jesus Christ, what if you faced your “what ifs” with truth from God’s Word—truth that would set you free from the fear and worry and despair that your “what ifs” have caused? We have promises from God’s Word we should throw in the face of our “what ifs.” Promises like: Isaiah 43:2: When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. Hebrews 13:5: Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” So, when you’re facing a “what if,” stop and talk to yourself. Seriously, you need to talk to yourself—out loud if possible—and remind yourself of God’s promises. Remind yourself of these truths. Bring those “what if” thoughts into captivity and make them obey the Lord. You remember the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, three Jewish young men who were forcibly taken from Jerusalem to Babylon to serve in King Nebuchadnezzar’s court (Daniel 3). Shortly after they were forced into the service of this pagan king, they were faced with a direct affront to their faith in Jehovah God, as the king set up a golden image and ordered everyone to worship this pagan image or else be thrown into a fiery furnace. Talk about a “what if”! What if they continued to serve the true God, Jehovah, and refused to bow down and worship that golden idol? They would perish as young men in the prime of their lives. This was a serious what if; there was no question that refusing to obey the king’s order would result in death. So, what was their decision? Here it is from Daniel 3:16-18: Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to him, “King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.” They went from “what if” to “even if” and declared their trust in their God to deliver them. Even if they were burned to death in the furnace, they would not bow to any other god. Maybe you’re facing a fiery furnace of your own—something that could destroy you or so it seems. Maybe it’s a financial furnace, or a health furnace, or a relationship furnace. You’re in the “what if” stage as you face the furnace. Can you replace your “what if” with an “even if,” declaring that even if your fears are realized, even if the worst happens, you will trust in God to deliver you, to go through it with you, and to rescue you? Can you say with Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, “Even if he does not, I will trust him”? That is walking by faith and not by sight, and even if your faith seems small or weak, God will be pleased with your “even if,” and you can be sure he will get you through. I pray you will place your trust in the same God who delivered these young men and who will deliver you. Then there’s the story of when God confronted Moses and told him he had a job for him to do—to face Pharaoh and deliver his people from bondage. Moses had a bunch of “what ifs.” Moses said, “Suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them, ‘The God of your fathers has sent me to you,’ and they ask me, ‘What is his name?’ Then what shall I tell them?” “What if they do not believe me or listen to me and say, ‘The Lord did not appear to you’?” “Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.” (Exodus 3:13, 4:1, 4:10). Moses had lots of reasons why he could not do what God was asking him to do. But God said to Moses, I am who I am. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: ‘I am has sent me to you’ (Exodus 3:14). God reminded Moses that he could go with confidence in God’s ability to do what Moses could not do. Moses’s “what ifs” were real, but God Jehovah was greater than his fears. Are you in the “what if” stage of doing what God has asked you to do? What if I fail? What if people think I’m crazy? What if I don’t have enough resources? If that’s where you are, I understand. I’ve been there, but I’ve l

This is a very special day for me personally. I’m recording program number 10,000. Each program is 3 minutes long so that’s 30,000 minutes this Monday to Friday daily has been broadcast on many stations. I am humbled to see how God has allowed us to continue the purpose for which I began this program in 1984—to equip, encourage and empower women in the workplace to see their calling as God’s ambassador wherever their career takes them. Having had a long-time corporate career myself, I understood the need for more resources based on God’s Word to help us navigate the many challenges of living out our faith on our jobs, particularly in secular environments. I remember recording the first programs, and believe me, I was as green as it gets. I had stepped out on faith, believing this kind of program was needed, and trusted God as I walked through each open door. We began on one station in Chicago, and honestly that was the limit of my vision at the time. I never dreamed God would make it possible to reach many other cities and even other countries through radio and now the internet. I am pausing today to say thanks and to celebrate God’s faithfulness. Thanks that God can use anybody, even a woman with few qualifications and virtually no experience. Thanks that so many others have come around me through the years, helping me, teaching me, and encouraging me. Thanks to so many thousands of listeners who have supported this ministry. I would encourage you to take seriously any passion God has laid on your heart and ask God what the next step is. It will be a step of faith, and you probably won’t be really qualified, but when he calls you, he will open the doors and empower you to flourish by his grace. One verse comes to mind: The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it (1 Thessalonians 5:24). I testify that God is faithful, and what he calls you to do, he will equip you to do—for his glory and your good.

In a lawsuit the first to speak seems right, until someone comes forward and cross-examines. (Proverbs 18:17). I’m looking at a proverb a day to show us the way. This proverb is very good advice for us. What it teaches us is to withhold judgment and opinions until we’ve heard both sides to any story. We shouldn’t be gullible, and we shouldn’t jump to conclusions. This is a particularly difficult area for me. I am very impulsive and very much an over reactor. And every time I do that, I regret it. I am by God’s grace focusing prayer and attention in my life on learning to wait until I hear both sides of any story, to make sure I’ve got my facts straight, to remember there may be something here I just don’t know yet. I remember coming into the office on a very busy day to find a message that irritated me at once. With only partial information, I thought this other person was doing something way out of line, and I overreacted. I went to the phone and started calling her, to get things straightened out. Thankfully, she was not in, and I didn’t get to speak with her at that time. When she returned my call and explained the situation, I realized the message had not been complete, and if I had talked with her earlier, I would have overreacted and probably hurt her feelings. God protected me that time and reminded me how much I need to learn not to overreact. Wise Solomon warned us the first person to present their case can sound very convincing because we haven’t heard the other side of the story. We need to listen to people but not be too quick to agree or disagree with them until we’ve sorted the facts out and know what we’re dealing with. This is good advice for managers and employees alike. I want to encourage you to go to the Proverbs daily for guidance. There are 31 chapters, so you can read the one that corresponds to the day of the month. I’ve been doing that for several years, and many times God has used the Proverbs to give me clear guidance, especially on job-related issues.

I’m looking at a Proverb a day to show us the way, because the book of Proverbs is wonderfully applicable to the situations we face in our everyday lives. [If] you have been trapped by what you said, ensnared by the words of your mouth. So do this… Go and humble yourself… Allow no sleep to your eyes… Free yourself, like a gazelle from the hand of the hunter, like a bird from the snare of the fowler (Proverbs 6:2-5). How many times have you wanted to crawl under a table because you said something you wished you hadn’t? Perhaps they were words spoken in anger or haste, or words of gossip, or judgmental words. Unkind, untruthful, harsh, unnecessary words that inflicted harm of some kind. What do you do? You can’t unsay them; you can’t delete them; you can’t erase them. Those words hang there in your memory and the memory of others. What can you do? Solomon says to go and humble yourself to the person your words harmed; go, confess to them, and do it immediately. Apologize and do all you can to free yourself from the damage of those words. I know that’s not easy to do, but it’s a lot easier than not doing it! Once in a hotel on a business trip, I accused a hotel employee of neglecting to follow my instructions. I was certain I had given those instructions. Nicely, but directly, I said, “I’m sure it’s your fault; please correct it.” A few minutes later I came to realize I was the one who was wrong, not him. It was embarrassing; I wanted to run away. But I forced myself to go to the phone, call the young man and apologize to him. Even a simple apology like that wasn’t easy, but once I did it, I felt so free. And I could tell it made a big difference to him. He kept saying, “That’s so nice of you to call. Thank you.” It wasn’t nice of me; it was just the right thing to do. If you’ve offended someone with words, don’t procrastinate. Go right now and apologize. That’s good advice from Proverbs.

I’m sharing a Proverb a day, which will show you the way. Listen to this passage from Proverbs 6: Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise! It has no commander, no overseer or ruler, yet it stores its provision in summer and gathers its food at harvest (Proverbs 6:6-8). In the margin of my Bible by this verse I have written “self-motivated.” The ant is a self-motivated creature. Without anyone standing over all those ants and telling them what to do, they perform their jobs diligently and are prepared for what lies ahead. Self-motivation is a key factor in our business world today. Have you ever worked with someone who was just trying to get by with as little as possible. They don’t look beyond their noses to see what else could be done. They take no initiative and are not willing to go any extra miles. A Christian in the workplace should be like the ant: self-motivated, willing to dig in and get the work done without prompting or constant supervision. Does your manager trust you? Can she or he be assured you diligently will do your job whether anyone’s watching or not? Certainly, a Christian should produce that kind of reputation. Your witness in the world will only be effective if there is a difference in the way you work. If you have the “it’s not my job” attitude, drag your feet and do only what you’re told to do, gripe and complain about doing anything above and beyond your job description, how will your coworkers and management know Christ makes a difference in your life? They won’t, and your verbal witness, if there is one, will fall on deaf ears. If you are a Christ-follower, you have a power far beyond yourself to motivate you. You have God’s Holy Spirit dwelling within you to give you the strength you need to be self-motivated. And when you are motivated to do what’s right, you will have an outstanding testimony because you do your work right whether anyone’s watching or not. You do it to the best of your ability, and you’re willing to go the extra mile. Go to the ant and consider its ways. We can learn wisdom and self-motivation from those tiny ants.

There is a book in the Bible full of wisdom for our everyday lives, and that is the book of Proverbs. I’m going to share a proverb a day, which will show you the way! We’ll look at four different proverbs and see the wisdom for us. I encourage you to make Proverbs a daily reading habit. There are 31 chapters, so it’s easy to read the chapter that corresponds to the day of the month. I’ve been doing that for several years and find the practical advice most beneficial in my life. Let’s look at Proverbs 22:10. It says, drive out the mocker and out goes strife; quarrels and insults are ended. Another translation reads, drive out the scoffer and contention will go out. Even strife and dishonor will cease. Have you ever worked with a person who was a mocker and a scoffer? That’s the person who makes fun of others, who ridicules people and organizations, who is arrogant and causes problems seemingly on purpose. When there’s a mocker in the group, the work environment can be miserable and having a unified team is almost impossible. This proverb says by getting rid of a mocker, you get rid of strife. If you are in a management position, it’s good to remember there are times when the best thing you can do is to let an employee go. Now, I hope that doesn’t sound cruel, but a person who is intent on offending others—and some people are—can have detrimental effects on an organization. Of course, as Christians, we still must care about people regardless of how unlovable they are. And though we can never change people, the Holy Spirit can, so we shouldn’t give up praying for them. But that doesn’t mean we allow them to ruin the working environment for everyone else. Remember, the workplace is not a rehab center or a counseling office. We want to help people, when possible, but you don’t hire people to reform or change them; you hire them to do a job. Solomon said, in his wisdom, you’re better off to drive out the mocker and the scoffer, for by so doing, the strife and dishonor will stop, people will be able to work productively together, and everyone will benefit, including the person who is the troublemaker. Allowing him or her to continue to get by with that inappropriate behavior doesn’t help the individual.

Some years ago, someone sent me this story, which illustrates this truth—God won’t let you go. Let me tell you it. On a hot summer day in Florida, a little boy decided to go for a swim in the old swimming hole behind his house. He jumped into the water, not realizing that as he swam toward the middle of the lake, an alligator was swimming toward the shore. His father working in the yard saw what was happening, and in utter fear, he ran toward the water, yelling to his son. The little boy became alarmed and made a U-turn to swim to his father. It was too late. From the dock, the father grabbed his little boy by the arms just as the alligator snatched his legs. That began an incredible tug-of-war between the two. The alligator was much stronger than the father, but the father would not let go. A farmer happened to drive by, heard the screams, raced from his truck, took aim and shot the alligator. Remarkably, after weeks in the hospital, the little boy survived. His legs were extremely scared by the vicious attack of the animal. And on his arms were deep scratches where his father’s fingernails dug into his flesh in his effort to hang on to the son he loved. The newspaper reporter who interviewed the boy after the trauma asked if he would show him his scars. The boy lifted his pant legs. And then, with obvious pride, he said, “But look at my arms. I have great scars on my arms, too, because my Dad wouldn’t let go.” You and I can identify with that little boy. We have scars, too. No, not from an alligator, but the scars of a painful past and present crises we may be facing. Some of those scars are unsightly and have caused deep pain or regret. But some wounds are because God has refused to let go. Amid our struggle, he’s been there holding on to us. God just won’t let you go, no matter what you’re going through. Think of Joseph. Through, no doubt, some childish bragging to his brothers, they decided to get rid of him, and sold him into slavery in Egypt. Joseph had done no great evil; he didn’t deserve to be so terribly mistreated, but there he was, a slave and a prisoner in Egypt (Genesis 37-50). But God never let go of Joseph, because Joseph never forsook his faith in Jehovah God. And he was used by God to deliver many people, including his own family, from starvation. I wonder how many times, as he sat in that prison, he just wanted to give up. It looked hopeless, but God didn’t let go. We have many wonderful illustrations in the Bible of how God didn’t let go, even when his people foolishly waded into dangerous and sinful situations, sometimes out of ignorance, sometimes out of disobedience. Think of Elijah. You remember the story found in 1 Kings 18, where Elijah challenged all the prophets of Baal, with great courage, and their pagan gods could not deliver them. Elijah triumphed over all that evil, proving that Jehovah God was the only true God. It was an incredible victory. But the very next day, brave Elijah became a coward, fearful of one woman, Jezebel, who had threatened to kill him. He ran out of fear for his life. Elijah no doubt would have been diagnosed by doctors today as having a deep depression, even as being deluded, as he ran for his life. But God didn’t let go, and with great patience and kindness, he nurtured him back to strength, taught him some wonderful lessons, and brought him out of that deep funk an even better man of God—refined like gold. Are you there? Has your faith failed you? Are you full of fear? Are you in that kind of deep depression where everything looks hopeless? Maybe you feel worthless, and you’re sure that life is coming to an end—at least life with any meaning? The world around you is a mess, and that could cause you to be frightened and depressed. But I want to encourage you today to know God won’t let go of you. He will patiently guide you back to wholeness, as he did with Elijah. How did Elijah recover? He needed some rest and nourishment. You know, when you are physically depleted, it will affect you spiritually and emotionally. So, God put him in a quiet place for some rest and nourishment. Then he reminded Elijah of who God is, he helped him get beyond the pity party he was having, and then he sent Elisha to be his companion and coworker. God never let go of Elijah, and if you are his child, he will not let go of you. David wrote, For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock (Psalm 27:5). Just as this young boy foolishly and ignorantly dove into the dangerous water where this alligator lived, we as children of God sometimes foolishly dive into dangerous situations, not knowing what lies ahead. But then there are times when we are thrown—so to speak—into that dangerous swimming hole, against our will and through no fault of our own. The swimming hole of life is filled with peril, and we forget

Presented by Lauren Stibgen There are so many studies about the Proverbs 31 woman and aspirations to be like her. She is a powerful example of a working woman from the Old Testament, and she is an important example of male/female unity between mothers and sons and husbands and wives. Maybe you aren’t a mom or son or wife or husband, but the foundations of unity between men and women are found in this chapter and show us God’s heart for male/female unity in his kingdom. This proverb was taught by a mother to her son, the King Lamuel. I think it is important to note the unity between the mother and son—the importance of this male/female relationship. She’s imparting on him rich wisdom and outlines for him the importance of unity with a woman who fears the Lord. The unity between this man and woman—husband and wife—shows trust, gain, and good. The Proverbs 31 woman is a smart worker. She provides for her home. She invests and burns the proverbial candle at both ends. She gives to the poor and makes sure those working for her are provided for. She even dresses well! This woman is so well known that the man she is in unity with is “known” at the gates. In addition to her work, she shares her wisdom and teaching. Her husband and children praise her! This is a long and exhaustive list. And it is a very good example of many of the Christian working women I know. There are many lessons we can take from this chapter, but let’s consider the unity the Proverbs 31 woman has: unity with the Lord, her husband, her workers, her community, and her children. In all these relationships, unity is part of her success. God wants us to be in unity with our closest male and female relationships. He wants his daughters to teach and his sons to listen to their wisdom. He wants his daughters to fear him and seek trust and unity with others. He wants his daughters to work, serve the poor, and provide for their families. He wants us to be kind and not be idle. God created us in his image. Male and female, he created us. And, just like the unity of the trinity of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, he wants us to live in unity with others. How can you create more unity with the closest men or women in your life?

Presented by Lauren Stibgen Are you under the impression that the women in the Bible weren’t working women? Many of the Christian women I encounter haven’t heard this important truth. Women have always worked! In fact, we examined this when we discussed the creation story of Genesis, the prophetesses Miriam and Deborah, and the women who worked in unity with Jesus! God needs us working in unity with men for his glory! Women played an important role in the early church. I think about Mary being the first to see the resurrected Jesus. Scripture could have skipped ahead to meeting the disciples in Galilee, but it doesn’t! God wants us to see how his story includes the men and women he created in his image. The Old Testament prophet Joel states, I will pour out my Spirit on all flesh, and your sons and daughters shall prophesy. This verse can be found in Joel 28 and in summary in Acts 2. The Spirit is for sons and daughters—both to prophesy! One of the first accounts of healing in the book of Acts is of Tabitha (also known as Dorcas) in Acts 9:36-43. We learn she had died, and she was considered a woman full of good works and charity. She was apparently a very good seamstress as the scripture speaks of the tunics and garments she had made. We learn it was men urging them to come to the bedside of Tabitha. She was clearly respected. And she was raised to life by Peter. Lydia is described in Acts 16 as a seller of purple goods and a worshiper of God. Paul came to find a group of women who had come together in prayer. He sought them out—to be in unity with them in prayer. His seeking and the Lord’s opening of Lydia’s heart to hear the good news of Jesus, opened new unity and provision for Paul when Lydia invite him to stay in her home. We also see that Paul returned to Lydia when he was released from prison. Lydia needed unity with Jesus, and Paul needed unity with Lydia for his work! We also learn those in Lydia’s household encouraged Paul. Lydia was a seller. She worked. God used her work and leadership to help grow the early church! God is still doing this today. Are you a creator like Tabitha or a seller like Lydia? Not only does your influence with others serve as an important way for the gospel to be shared, but your financial provision also can help ministries lay groundwork to encourage others to spread the good news and cause an increase in the Church of Jesus Christ! This is why your work and the unity between men and women is important to the Lord. Working together will ultimately create a much greater impact for the glory of the kingdom.

Presented by Lauren Stibgen When you think of your work, do you think about the most important work God has called us to? That work is to share the good news of the gospel of Jesus Christ, and this work is a shared work for all of us who are brothers and sisters in Christ. Men and women share a critical, unified role in sharing the beautiful gift of mercy and eternity we have in Jesus! Although we see the twelve disciples Jesus calls in the New Testament are all men, we cannot choose to miss all the ways women were used by Jesus for the great work of sharing the good news! Jesus’s first revelation of himself being the Messiah is to the woman at the well. This account in John 4 is significant first because Jesus is alone accepting water from a Samaritan woman. The Samaritans were the outcasts of the time, and this woman was a woman with many husbands. He breaks barriers to bring her into unity in his revelation. The best part is her response. This woman runs all the way back to town, not caring about who she is in this community but who she is in Christ, and begins to share the good news of the living water. We see Jesus with Mary and Martha and their brother Lazarus in the scriptures. Mary and Martha provided hospitality to Jesus and the disciples with meals and a place to teach. We know Jesus deeply loved Lazarus and deeply cared for Mary and Martha, which was matched by their devotion and trust for him. Not only were women part of the ministry of Jesus in his living but also in his death and resurrection. At the crucifixion in Matthew 27:55-56 we learn there were many women there, looking from a distance. These women had followed Jesus from Galilee and ministered to him, among whom were Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James and Joseph, and the mother of the sons of Zebedee. Again, this ministering could have been for physical needs like food and shelter or emotional and spiritual support during his ministry. Either way, these women, worked in unity with the men alongside Jesus. The women at the cross displayed great loyalty to the end, and they were also first to learn of the resurrection. After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb (Matthew 28:1). Then Jesus said to them, “Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me” (Matthew 28:10). We may not see a lot about the unity between the 12 disciples and these women, but we see a more important unity—the unity between Jesus Christ and them. How are you in unity with Jesus at work today?

Presented by Lauren Stibgen We hear a lot about the prophets, but what about prophetesses? Women worked alongside men in the Old Testament, even as prophetesses of the Lord. Although the Old Testament text has a lot less to say about these women, we read that they were respected and sought after for their specific wisdom. The history in the Bible would surely not be the same without unity between these women and the men they served with and for. Why don’t we see these stories as powerful movements for the kingdom of God? We have examined the unity God created men and women in and the unity of work he created us for. And we also examined how sin broke this sacred unity. This is the underlying why. Culture and sin both play an unintentional and sometimes intentional role in us not hearing more about these female prophets. You could probably tell me a lot about Moses and Aaron, but what about their sister? Her name was Miriam, and she was also a prophet of the Lord. If I think about this trio more, I wish I could have heard more about their unity and the dynamics of their work together! Miriam is one of the earliest leaders of worship! In Exodus 15:20-21 we see her leading other women in song and dance after they crossed the Red Sea. The timing of the text suggests she may have been the first to lead a victory celebration of the exodus from Egypt! Miriam was noted as one of God’s chosen leaders of the exodus in Micah 6:4. I brought you up out of Egypt and redeemed you from the land of slavery. I sent Moses to lead you, also Aaron and Miriam (Micah 6:4). She was “joined as a whole” in unity with her brothers in this work. Deborah, too, was a powerful prophetess. She is described in Scripture as a judge, military strategist, warrior, and mother in Israel. No, she was not an actual mom, but rather she was a leader of Israel. In Judges, we see Deborah working, first as a judge and then as the one who leads Israel to war. Now Deborah, a prophet, the wife of Lappidoth, was leading Israel at that time. She held court under the Palm of Deborah between Ramah and Bethel in the hill country of Ephraim, and the Israelites went up to her to have their disputes decided (Judges 4:4-5). Men and women sought her counsel. In the next verse we see Deborah sends for and summons Barak. Barak said to her, “If you go with me, I will go; but if you don’t go with me, I won’t go” (Judges 4:8). You can read more about this in Judges chapters 4 and 5, but again we see God using men and women—in unity— to complete work. How do you see examples of Miriam and Deborah and their unity with the men around them in your work today?

Presented by Lauren Stibgen I have been in the workplace for longer than I want to admit and one thing I can say is I hear more about the differences between men and women at work than what unifies us. Although I don’t want to overlook the different realities men and women face in the workforce, I also don’t think we talk enough about God’s point of view on men and women when it comes to work. So, let’s examine some of the women in the Bible and the true definition of unity, or the state of being united or joined as a whole, when it comes to men and women at work. In Genesis 1:26-27 we see the beautiful work of unity in creation. Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them (Genesis 1:26-27). We first see unity in the trinity before God even created man and woman. Our image and our likeness—not my image and my likeness—our. God embodies the unity of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. This is the image of God, working together to form creation. And, when we read the verse about creating man, he created both male and female in his own image. Not men exalted above women or women above men but creation in his image, in unity. If we don’t look to the beginning, it is easy to look at the ways culture and society have created norms about work. The reality is, these are not God’s norms for men and women. The next verses in Genesis 1:28-29 further frame God’s plans for man and woman. God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.” Then God said, “I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food” (Genesis 1:28-29). God gave man and woman an equal command to work—in unity. So, why do we have so much trouble with unity of men and women at work today? Sin. Your sin and mine. Men sin and women sin. We break unity. But awareness of how it should be—this is the best start. And we can look at how God used men and women together in scripture to accomplish his plans.

The studies and articles aren’t new. In fact, the first workplace gender research started in the 1960s and 1970s. Men and Women in the Corporation by Rosabeth Moss Kanter was considered one of the first academic studies on gender differences in work behavior and opportunity, and this was in 1977. This conversation is as old as me, but I would like to remind you that women at work is not a construct of the early world wars and industrial revolutions as you may have been taught. Women and men working together started with creation in Genesis 1. Men and women were created to work together. In Genesis 1:26-27, we see the beautiful work of unity in creation. Then God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and every other creeping thing that creeps on the earth.’ So, God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. When we read the verses about creating man, he created both male and female in his own image. Not men exalted above women or women above men, but creation in his image, in unity. If we don’t look to the beginning, it is easy to look at the ways that culture and society have created norms about work. The reality is these are not God’s norms for men and women. The next verses in Genesis 1: 28-29 further frame God’s plans for man and woman: And God blessed them. And God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.’ God gave man and woman an equal command to work in unity. You already know that once sin crept in, this unity was forever broken. Sin impacts this sacred creation in every way, and our cultural norms which have been forming since the 70s continue to impact how men and women work together. What does this sin look like within the context of work? What is causing the continued gender bias issues for women? The answer doesn’t start with work; it really begins outside of the office and is part of the cultural and societal brokenness between men and women that has systematically and year after year found its way into our work. With my aim being unity between men and women as advocates to solve this issue, I wondered, who were the leading male voices for gender equality at work. One name that came up was Tony Porter. Tony is the founder and CEO of A Call to Men. He seeks to teach systemic change for between men and women in society. In an article published on his website, “Is your Organization Unintentionally Reinforcing Gender Bias at Work,” Tony states this, “…the workplace is a microcosm of society—a society where men and boys are collectively socialized to view women as objects, as property and as having less value than men.”[1] This blanket statement is not felt by all women, of course, but as a whole, it sums up that sin and the brokenness of not seeing men and women created equally in the image of God is at the root of the issues still facing women today. Fortunately and unfortunately, the Bible is full of cultural examples of both unity and brokenness between men and women. If we look at the Word of God, we will all struggle to understand some of the terrible injustices women faced including being taken by force into marriage, raped, and being cast out of society. Again, at the moment of the fall, the unity and sacred relationship between men and women fell, and it fell hard. But, for every hard-to-read passage of Scripture about injustices for women, there are beautiful examples of how God used women and work for the glory of his kingdom. Women played an important role in the formation of the early church where they not only served the disciples with hospitality but also provided money for the ministry and teaching of the good news to their families. The grandmother and mother of the disciple, Timothy, are mentioned by Paul. 2 Timothy 1:5 reads, I am reminded of your sincere faith which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice, and I am persuaded, now lives in you also. Today we live in a culture not so different than biblical times. Women around the world still face terrible injustices, not only at work, but in society. Harassment, gender pay gaps, interviews and promotion biases all still exist, but there are people trying to drive change. Another name that came up as an advocate for women at work is the former CEO of Unilever, Paul Polman. He spoke about visiting a tea plantation where female workers were being abused or sexually harassed. When policies failed, he put female supervisors in place so that the women no longer needed to go to an unsafe work environment. This was within the last 5 years. What are some of the more nuanced impacts women face at work? In a Forbes Women article from May 15, 2025, by Ev

Presented by Julie Busteed I’ve been talking about the importance of unity—not just with fellow believers, but also with our coworkers. Today’s workplace looks different than it used to. Some people work remotely, some in the office, and others split their time between both. Each setup has its benefits, but they also come with unique challenges—especially when it comes to staying connected. How do we stay on the same page and remain unified in our purpose and mission when we’re not all in the same physical space? It takes intentional effort. Hopefully, your workplace provides tools like messaging apps or video conferencing to help you communicate regularly. But staying connected may also mean being more proactive—since those informal “water cooler” conversations don’t happen as naturally. Here are a few suggestions for maintaining unity in a diverse working environment: Practice overcommunication. Even in in-person settings, this is often overlooked. Many times, I think I’ve communicated clearly, only to realize later it wasn’t understood as intended. When you have a conversation—whether by phone or video—follow up with an email to summarize key points. And before you hit send on any message, re-read it. What seems clear to you may need a little fine-tuning for someone else to fully grasp. Schedule regular video check-ins. Whether it’s with your whole team or one-on-one, set up consistent meetings. These touchpoints help move projects forward, provide space for clarification, and keep relationships strong. If you can occasionally meet in person, even better. Build trust and personal connections. Social connection matters. Not just for morale but for productivity too. When people trust each other and feel valued, they collaborate better and bring fresh, creative ideas to the table. Ultimately, unity comes when everyone understands the goal and the reason behind it. A shared sense of purpose fuels effective teamwork. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone (Romans 12:18). And let’s not forget: In essentials, unity. In non-essentials, liberty. In all things, charity.

Presented by Julie Busteed I recently read a 2021 Harvard Business Review article about high performing teams. The article reported “disagreements with people whose opinions or ideas differ from our own are common in the workplace. When handled appropriately, disagreements lead to better results—but they are not usually viewed that way.”[1] So true! Different ideas or ways of doing things can lead to better results, but so often the response is defensive or territorial, not willing to listen or change. But if handled in the right way, disagreements can lead to a great outcome. An example is the disagreement between the Apostle Paul and Barnabas and their disagreement on who should accompany them on their second missionary journey. John Mark accompanied Paul and Barnabas on their first journey as a helper (Act 13:5). It was quite the journey of incredible growth for the church but also much persecution. Sometime later, Paul suggested to Barnabas to visit the churches they had planted. Barnabas wanted to bring John Mark with them again on this journey, but Paul disagreed because John Mark had not continued with them in the work on their first journey (Acts 15:38). In fact, it’s written that they had a sharp disagreement, and it was so intense they could not come to an agreement at that time, which resulted in Paul taking Silas with him and Barnabas brought John Mark on a separate missionary journey. But this is not the end of the story. Paul, when he was in Rome, wrote to the Colossians and in Philemon—mentions John Mark sends his greetings along with others. John Mark is with Paul in Rome. And in Second Timothy Paul writes: Get (John) Mark and bring him with you for he is very useful to me for ministry (2 Timothy 4:11). Don’t you love that? It’s estimated 15 plus years have passed since that first journey when John Mark left them. And now, with time, space, maturity, and perspective, there’s evidence of reconciliation and working together for the purpose of proclaiming the gospel. Paul and Barnabas had a different view of how to conduct the second journey. And so that second journey did not continue on as originally planned, but in the end, two teams went out to encourage the churches and preach Christ to the unreached. A disagreement ended with two different ways of moving forward. Unity was evident—both wanted to encourage and spread the good news. The methods were different, but the mission—the goal—was the same. — [1] Harvard Business Review High-Performing Teams Start with a Culture of Shared Values by Greg Satell and Cathy Winschitl, May 11. 2021, https://hbr.org/2021/05/high-performing-teams-start-with-a-culture-of-shared-values

Presented by Julie Busteed The Psalmist writes: How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity (Psalm 133:1)! How good and pleasant it is to be in unity with others. But that’s not always how life works—especially at our jobs. Just as unity is important in your relationship with Christ and fellow believers, it’s also important in your workplace. Teams that have a common and shared goal will work together to reach the goal. A Teamraderie article cites unity at work is important because research shows approximately 70% of employees believe poor collaboration is decreasing their productivity.[1] If you’re concerned about productivity and the bottom line, that’s a lot of unproductive time spent because of disunity or poor collaboration. The article goes on to report nearly two-thirds of the respondents (64%) claim poor collaboration is costing them at least three hours per week in productivity, with 20% claiming they are wasting as many as six hours per week. If you are a manager or an owner or project leader, then communicating the goal and purpose clearly is a priority. Taking time and effort to make sure you listen and understand obstacles and concerns is important. Then get that message across to ensure everyone is on the same page with the mission of the project or the company. It takes time and energy to do this, but the resulting benefits should prove to be worth it. An encouraging environment with good collaboration starts with being open to others’ concerns, communicating ideas and processes clearly, and showing respect. Even if you’re not the manager or in charge, your respectful attitude and willingness to listen can go a long way in building unity within the workplace. How do you handle disagreements though? A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger (Proverbs 15:1). A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel (Proverbs 15:18). Being gentle and patient in response to a disagreement will help navigate the conversation. Ask questions if you are not clear on something. Remain calm and listen to what’s being said as opposed to what your response will be. Give yourself time to respond. It’s okay to say, “I need to think about this,” or “Let me give it some thought, and I’ll get back to you.” This shows you’re taking the other person seriously and considering their perspective. It doesn’t mean you have to agree just to avoid conflict—that’s not helpful either. But it also means not dismissing his or her ideas right away. Remember the Golden Rule: treat others the way you want to be treated. — [1] Teamraderie Editorial Team. (2024, August 9). A Guide to Achieving Unity in the Workplace. Teamraderie. http://teamraderie.com/insights/unity-in-the-workplace/

Presented by Julie Busteed How can you work together with others but have so many differences? The Apostle Paul gives a great example in 1 Corinthians 12 of how you and I are each created differently but are also united in Christ. Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many (1 Corinthians 12:12-14). This is such a clear image of what the body of Christ is and how the church is to work together. Paul goes on to explain in more detail. For example, the eye doesn’t make up the whole body, and it can’t say to the hand that it doesn’t need it. He says God has put the body together that there should be no division in the body—all parts should have equal concern for one another. If one part suffers, all parts suffer, and if one part is honored, every part rejoices. I know it’s an overused phrase, but we are better together—when we share the same purpose and goal. The early church is a beautiful example of this. Luke records in chapter 2 the unity this body of believers experienced. They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved (Acts 2:42-47). The unity and love between the early Christians were evident to all. The way they treated one another, prayed for one another, enjoyed meals together, and worshipped God was a witness to others of the gospel of Christ. And because of this, the Lord increased their numbers. More people were drawn to Christ because of the evident love between the believers. What an encouragement to me. How can you and I show this love and unity? I think the same way the early church did. We can care for others, pray with and for others, worship together, and so much more. Even at work we can show this kind of unity, by caring for our coworkers and praying for them.

Presented by Julie Busteed In a society when there is so much discord and argument and division, unity is a rare thing. As a Christ-follower, why do we need to have unity? Jesus gives us this reason: My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one—I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me (John 17:20-23). Being unified in Christ and with the body of Christ is a powerful witness to the world of God’s love. As Christians, our unity in Christ and with other Christians is essential. But being united doesn’t mean we are all the same. We are uniquely created with different gifts and talents. And yet united! I love this saying: In essentials, unity. In non-essentials, liberty. In all things, charity. Christians need to be of the same mind on the core beliefs—things that matter—that are essential. In church we often recite or read the Apostles Creed, which states some core beliefs of faith: God is the creator. Jesus is his only son, conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the virgin Mary, was crucified, died and buried. On third day, he rose again and sits at the right hand of God, and he will come to judge the world. I’m summarizing here, but you get the idea. For Christians, these are non-negotiable beliefs. It doesn’t have anything to do with the worship music, or how the service should be ordered, or what we should wear to church, or any of those other things. Some of those things are important, but they are more preferences—so there’s liberty—or freedom in the “non-essential” things. We may prefer a certain worship style and find other worship styles unsettling, but if those core beliefs are shared, then there’s freedom to worship. And above all, there’s charity—love! You and I need to make room for other people’s preferences. It doesn’t have to be done exactly our way. God created us uniquely and as a result there are unique ways to worship and serve him.

Crucial conversations are often with people who will continue to be in your life no matter how the conversation turns out, and these conversations may cover a span of time. For example, sometimes we have to approach a family member about an issue, a close friend, or a coworker that we see every day. A friend told me about some crucial conversations she has had with her siblings concerning the care of their aging parents. Despite her many requests for help, they have simply ignored her, and she is left as the principal and really only caregiver for her parents—and at great sacrifice on her part. I questioned her approach, and it surely seems that she has been as clear and assertive as anyone could be. But she cannot force them to do what they are not willing to do. And so, her choices are to leave her parents without the care they need or keep doing what she is doing, which is totally not fair to her. In such cases, the biggest issue you face is bitterness—allowing others to cause you to be bitter. That always backfires on us, doesn’t it? So, don’t let bitterness get a foothold. Hebrews tells us: See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many (Hebrews 12:15). When you allow those bitter roots to grow, you heap more trouble on yourself because bitterness will eat you alive, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. It will affect your well-being. Then, commit these intransient situations to God in prayer and wait for him to answer. I know that’s very hard to do because he never answers on our timetable, but he is a trustworthy God. If you are part of his family through faith in Jesus Christ, he has promised to care for you. Read Psalm 91 and take great comfort in the truth that he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone (Psalm 91:11-12). Just take that promise at face value and be aware that God has sent angels to guard you and keep you from disaster. Even though you can’t see them, they are there. You then can rest in the shadow of the Almighty, because God is your refuge and fortress. Now, let’s talk about how to react if you’re on the receiving end of a crucial conversation, perhaps one that has taken you by surprise. First remember that a good thing to do, if possible, is to buy yourself some time. Guard your mouth and your tongue. You may want to lash out and defend yourself, but if the sparks are flying, you might be well advised to simply buy some time. How? Well, just say something like, “I need some time to think about this; can we come back to it tomorrow?” Or, “I appreciate you bringing this to my attention. Can you please give me a day to think about it?” I remember when, in a non-threatening situation, a woman I spoke to asked for time. I asked her a crucial question having to do with money, and she simply said, “I haven’t thought about that. Would you mind if I get back to you in a day or two?” I didn’t mind at all, and I appreciated her desire to answer the question from a more informed position. Defending ourselves is the most natural course of action for us as human beings. And once we’re in defensive mode, it blocks our ability to take in new information or see two sides to an issue. Even though it’s a very normal reaction when some criticism is coming our way in an unexpected crucial conversation, it is the enemy of finding any kind of solution to the problem at hand. So, how do we avoid being defensive? I find that my personality is pretty defensive—in other words, I get to defensive mode quicker than most people do! Not good, so it becomes a matter of prayer for me. You may not be aware of the crucial conversation that is coming your way, but you can be aware of your tendency to be defensive—and that means you can pray about it in advance. Ask God to help you overcome this bad habit. You’ll be well-rid of it. Step one in avoiding defensiveness is to name it. Admit it and become more aware of your tendency to defend yourself. That in itself will keep you from some of your kneejerk reactions. When you’re in defensive mode, you’re just listening for inaccuracies or errors in the other person’s complaint, and that keeps you from really hearing what they are saying. Defensiveness is the enemy of listening—and listening is super important in handling incoming crucial conversations. Step two is to take a step back—a mental step back—and breathe! You’ve heard people say to count to ten before you say anything and that’s not a bad idea in these highly emotional moments. So, truly, just slow down your breathing, exhale slowly as you count to five, and take some time between when the other person’s voice drops off and yours starts. Silence can be your friend at a time like this. And the third thing to remember when someone is coming at you with accusations or when you’re caught off-guard in a crucial convers

What parent hasn’t said to a small child, “Now, play well with your friends.” We try to motivate them to play with consideration, not to be selfish, to share their toys—to “play nice” as we say. Don’t you think we need to “work nice” with our fellow workers? Here’s one last suggestion for creating more unity where you work: Help others to find their greatness and to develop and use their talents and skills. This applies not only to those in management, but all of us can look for ways to help others grow in their job and become better at what they do. If you are particularly skilled in an area a new coworker struggles in, you could offer to coach her in it. Not only would that benefit her, but the growth of individual employees benefits the whole. Organizations would be immeasurably better if we all simply helped others find their greatness and realize their potential. I think we would be shocked if we knew how much time, productivity, and success are lost simply because we don’t share with each other. I remember reading an article about the terrible Columbia Space Shuttle disaster in 2003. At the center of it was a lack of proper communication and an unwillingness to share knowledge and research, causing technical problems and ultimately the disaster itself. Knowing this makes the tragedy so much worse, doesn’t it? Jesus gave us the greatest example of equipping others to succeed. He began with twelve unqualified men, taught them, role-modeled for them, and then after his resurrection, he sent the Holy Spirit to indwell them and empower them so they could be all he intended them to be. He equipped them—and he still equips us today. If you’re born from above, you have the Holy Spirit indwelling you, and he gives you the power to work well with others, to love others, to be a true friend and a peacemaker even on your job.

How often do you complete a goal or project with no help from others? My guess is we rarely reach our goals on our own. We receive help and cooperation, ideas and support from others, and that makes it possible for us to succeed. I’m examining how to strive for more unity in the workplace, and one of the basic things to remember is to share credit for accomplishments and ideas. Have you ever seen someone who won a very coveted award or accomplished something truly outstanding, and as they were recognized, the first thing they said was, “I could never have done this without. . .” and then they named others who helped. Actually, there are so many small moments in our days when we can share the credit and acknowledge the contribution that someone else has made. Do you ever thank your boss for helping you? Have you taken time to send an email to a coworker who went out of his or her way to give you some advice or share some ideas with you? I think we often just overlook these little things; we get too busy, or we simply don’t realize how powerful “thank you” is. One of the things we try to do well here at The Christian Working Woman is to say “thanks.” So many people have partnered with us throughout the 40+ years of this ministry, and I am very aware we could never have made it without them—without you! A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver (Proverbs 25:11). An aptly spoken word is “thanks”, and it is beautiful. Believe me when I tell you—thank you is powerful, and you can’t overdo it. Are you intentional about recognizing and thanking those you work with and for? It will go a long way toward creating more unity. Give it a try.

Would you like to have a better atmosphere where you work—one with more unity? I’m examining what you can do—as one person—to improve the atmosphere at your job. And that mainly means what you can do to work well with others. We hear lots of comments about how difficult workplaces are these days. With the scarcity of jobs and many companies asking more work from less employees, it can feel like you are trapped in a job you don’t like, and you have no hope of escaping. But I want to challenge you to try to improve the place you’re in. As a Christian, a true follower of Jesus Christ, your first priority is to represent Christ well where you work, regardless of the circumstances. I’ve made two suggestions that may help. Here’s number three: Never ambush your coworkers or boss. For example, if you bring up a problem in a departmental meeting and it’s the first time your boss or the people involved have heard about it, then you may have blindsided them. They may interpret that to mean you’re trying to make them look bad. Always discuss issues first with the people directly involved. Not only will that prevent you from appearing to ambush them, but you’ll likely learn a different perspective of the situation. In a lawsuit the first to speak seems right, until someone comes forward and cross-examines (Proverbs 18:17). We’ve all witnessed times when someone forcefully presented their case, expressed their opinion, pointed their fingers, and then when the facts were fully revealed, they were made to look foolish. To have unity where you work, there needs to be trust. Trust is built over time, and the little things you do—or don’t do—daily will create a firm belief in the minds of your coworkers as to whether they can trust you. Are there not some people on your job you simply don’t trust? This should never be the perception our coworkers have of you as a disciple of Jesus Christ. It was said of Daniel that his coworkers could find no corruption in him, because he was trustworthy and neither corrupt nor negligent (Daniel 6:4). A distinguishing mark of a Christian in a secular workplace should be we never ambush others, and we are very trustworthy.

What can you do to create more unity in your workplace—and make it a nicer place to work? I’m examining working well at work—doing what you can to create a better work environment. I already examined the importance of not playing the blame game. Here’s suggestion number two. Always bring a solution when you present a problem. Anybody can complain and find fault, and there’s plenty of that going on in most work environments. But the person who brings a solution to a problem is very valuable. Before you go into gripe mode, ask yourself, if I were in charge, what would I do to resolve this situation? Early in my sales career at IBM, I remember my manager telling me, “We don’t have problems at IBM, Mary, we have opportunities.” Now, that may sound very simplistic, but if everyone approached a problem as an opportunity, it would eliminate most of the negative chatter and complaining that is prevalent in many workplaces. What would you identify as the number one problem where you work—the one thing you would really love to change? Maybe fixing it would increase efficiency or productivity or eliminate headaches or frustration. Identify that one thing and then come up with a solution. If you can’t come up with a solution, then you have no right to complain about it. Maybe you’re thinking no one would take your suggestion, but have you tried? Have you presented your idea in a constructive way? Many people predict failure before they even try, and of course, those become self-fulfilling prophecies. The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction (Proverbs 16:21). When you present your solution to a problem, be very discerning about how you say it and make your words pleasant. Please also be aware sometimes a problem is far more involved than you know, and there may be extenuating circumstances of which you have no knowledge.

A study showed if you have a good friend at work, you are much more likely to be satisfied with your job. How would you describe your work relationships? Do you just tolerate your coworkers, or would you count at least some of them as good friends? Your answer to those questions could have a lot to do with how you feel about your job. I want to talk about what you can do to work well with others, to make those working relationships more pleasant and to have more unity where you work. The workplace can bring out the worst in people, but as ambassadors for Jesus Christ, the workplace is our opportunity to shine as lights in a dark place and change the atmosphere by learning how to work well with others. One person can make a difference, so why shouldn’t that one person be you? Here is my number one suggestion for working well with others: Don’t play the blame game. Shifting the blame for any situation is a big no-no. I’m not suggesting you take blame for something that was not your responsibility, but don’t alienate coworkers by pointing fingers, especially in a meeting or where multiple people are present. Often problems must be addressed and those responsible must be identified and corrected. But the way you go about this will make all the difference in helping correct a problem or making it worse. You should always confront privately, one-on-one, after you have had time to think it through, form your words, control your anger, and make sure you’re speaking truth in love—meaning you’re doing this for the good of the other person not to vent your frustration. You could win a person over this way. Remember, pick your fights. There are some hills that simply aren’t worth dying on, so be willing to let some things go.

I thought it important to talk about times of crucial conversations, because quite honestly, they can be helpful in unifying people on the job. But if not handled correctly, they can cause division. As Christ-followers we should always speak the truth in love, and that just means you hold these crucial conversations for the purpose of helping another person understand, keeping their welfare in mind. You speak the truth with the right motivation. Every crucial conversation needs to be surrounded by prayer. If you know in advance that such a conversation will occur, obviously you have time to pray specifically about it. If not, that’s when you send up emergency prayers for that conversation. If you will pray in advance, asking for wisdom, making certain your motivation is one of helping not blaming or condemning, asking God to help you see this person as he does, it will make a huge difference in how you handle the conversation. Here’s an example of a crucial conversation on your job: Imagine you are a manager, and you have an employee who is not being truthful with you. Records are lost, money is missing, reports are doctored—and now you must have a crucial conversation with this employee about these issues. The stakes are high—the employee could be fired—and you are already feeling the emotions of such a conversation in advance. How do you handle this crucial conversation? Consider first that it is best not to cause the other person to become defensive or shut down and refuse to share if you can avoid it. Even if you have proof that they are guilty, a finger-pointing approach doesn’t work. In our hypothetical case, you might begin by saying, “If the information I have is correct, it seems that your reports are not factually accurate, and it appears that the use of funds has not been according to company policy. Can you shed any light on these?” Think of what you really want to achieve through this crucial conversation. Do you want the relationship to survive? Do you want this person to learn from these mistakes and move forward? If your goal is not only to confront wrongdoing but to correct it and move forward, then think of how you need to approach this person to achieve those results. In a conversation about a church situation where a staff person had to be confronted about wrong behavior, the question was asked, “Did you try to restore that person?” In this case, the position had to be relinquished because of the nature of the offense, but was anyone trying to help restore this person spiritually? Unfortunately, the answer was no. The goal was to ask for his resignation, with little or no thought given to restoration. This conversation might have had a better outcome if the goal of the conversation had been more than just requesting a resignation but also trying to restore that person to a right relationship with God. Galatians 6:1 reminds us: Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. That’s a good guideline for determining our purpose for a crucial conversation. Now, let’s talk about how we deal with strong emotions in a crucial conversation. If you’re like me, you probably have difficulty controlling your emotions when you’re in these situations. Crucial conversations are almost always high-charged emotional conversations. They are about issues that are sensitive; they often bring to light some wrong behavior or mistake that is not easy to talk about. And that can cause all kinds of emotional responses. In this hypothetical situation of an employee who has proven to be dishonest in several areas, it’s like catching your kid with his hand in the cookie jar—the proof is irrefutable, but they still try to avoid the consequences. So, how can this crucial conversation move forward to an effective conclusion when you or the other person is angry, scared, or hurt? Someone has said, “When it comes to strong emotions, you either find a way to master them or fall hostage to them.” If both people in this crucial conversation fall hostage to their emotions, a good result will be difficult. It’s super important that if you are initiating a crucial conversation—as is the case in this example—you need to approach it with your emotions under control. You need to be mentally prepared for the fact that the other person’s emotions will probably not be under control. That shouldn’t surprise you. This is why I said that prayer is your resource in these crucial conversations. If you will pray in advance, asking God to give you self-control, to guard your tongue, to keep you from reacting negatively, then you will have the power to keep from becoming a hostage to your emotions. So, pray that God will give you emotional control. That doesn’t mean you won’t feel emotion, but rather that your words, your tone of voice, your body language, and your reaction will not come from a place of anger or frustration.

If you had a person who caused you lots of grief, would you pass up an opportunity to get back at that person? Our friend, Fran, could have gotten her boss in trouble, but because Jesus was beside her, giving her love and pity for Marilyn, she has chosen to back off and let Marilyn off the hook. Marilyn can’t cover up her obvious relief as she realizes Fran won’t insist on her right to escalate this issue. Marilyn realizes Fran has saved her a lot of potential trouble. “Okay,” Marilyn says, “I’ll get off a memo to you confirming what we’ve agreed to. And this will all be between us. If you can improve your rating, then no one has to know about the whole thing—right?” “Sure, Marilyn,” Fran replies, and she gets up to leave. Marilyn closes the door behind her, and Fran has a strong feeling Marilyn may have ended up in tears. “Jesus, if I’d been on my own, I would have kept pushing her and insisted on talking with Ed. But now I see that by backing off, I’ve shown Marilyn mercy—the way you always show mercy to me—and her whole attitude changed toward me—right in front of my eyes.” “Well, Fran,” Jesus replies, “that’s why I guided you to back off. You had every right to escalate this matter to a higher level, and Marilyn’s lie would have been exposed. But you chose to show mercy to Marilyn. You were able to see her through my eyes, and so instead of getting angry and demanding your rights, you gave them up. Marilyn just read I Corinthians 13.” “She did?” Fran replies. “I didn’t see a Bible on her desk? I don’t think she’s ever read the Bible, Lord.” “No, not in the Bible, she read it in you, Fran. You are the Living Edition of God’s Word. Now, you can wait and see what will happen because you chose to be merciful.” Jesus says the words Fran longs to hear: “Well done, good and faithful servant.” Tears come to Fran’s eyes. Just to know the Lord is pleased with her is all she needs to know. “You know, Lord,” Fran says, “even if I’d been fired on the spot, I could make it just hearing you say those words to me. I guess I don’t really need Marilyn’s good appraisal; all I need is yours.” “If you’ll keep that clearly focused in your mind, Fran, you’ll always do the right thing,” Jesus says. Fran has had another incredible lesson from Jesus on how to deal with difficult situations. And in the process, she’s been a witness to a woman who desperately needs to know Jesus. Who knows what will come from all this.

Fran has been given a very bad appraisal and put “on notice” by her manager, Marilyn, because Fran refused to submit dishonest numbers to a prospect, as Marilyn told her to do. With Jesus to guide her, Fran has calmly asked to exercise her right to talk with the VP of Human Resources, Ed, and voice her disagreement with the very bad appraisal she received. It has become clear to Fran, by the way Marilyn is reacting, that she doesn’t want her to talk to Ed, and she is certain Marilyn has been lying to her. Marilyn stares at Fran with a look of fear and hatred, and she says to Fran, “If you think you can get me in trouble, you’re wrong, Fran. My job is secure; they’ll believe what I tell them, not what you write on that form or say to Ed.” For the first time, Fran sees Marilyn is an insecure, desperate woman. The facade of being in charge and having it all together has fallen off like a coat. Seeing this, Fran can feel nothing but pity for Marilyn. “Lord,” she says to Jesus, “look at her. She’s pitiful.” “Yes, Fran, you’re looking through my eyes now and you see Marilyn to be what she is: A very insecure and frightened woman,” Jesus says to Fran. And now Fran knows what she should do. She turns to Marilyn, and says, “You know, Marilyn, maybe it’s not really necessary for me to talk to Ed at this time. If you’ll just tell me exactly what I have to do to improve my performance, and put that in writing for me, I’ll do everything I can honestly do to improve. I believe another appraisal will be due in three months, and hopefully by then you will be able to change it. That could solve the whole issue, couldn’t it?” Fran turns to Jesus with a funny look. “I didn’t intend to say that, Lord. Where did that come from?” Jesus smiles at her. “From me. You prayed that your words would be pleasing to me, so I put them in your mind. That’s an answer to prayer, Fran.” Fran is amazed, and she looks at Marilyn, who has quietly sat down and seems much calmer, almost sheepish. “Fran,” she says, “I, uh, I’m sure, uh… Well, yeah, I think that’s a possibility. You could possibly pull your appraisal up in three months. Do you still want to talk to Ed?” Marilyn asks. “No,” Fran replies, “as long as I have in writing exactly what I’m supposed to do, I’m willing to give it a three-month trial before talking to Ed.” Fran could have caused Marilyn a lot of trouble; instead, she chooses to show mercy. And all because Jesus was there with her, guiding her every word.

Fran, our workplace woman has just received a very unfair and vindictive appraisal from her manager. This means Fran will be officially “on notice,” and could lose her job in three months. She went into panic mode, but with Jesus right beside her, she hears him tell her exactly what to say. Fran turns to Marilyn, her boss, “Well, Marilyn, I think the procedures give me the right to voice my objection to this appraisal. I’d like to express my feelings.” Marilyn’s face gets redder, and she stands over Fran intimidatingly. “You can do whatever you like, but it won’t get you anywhere. I’ve reviewed all this with Ed, Vice President of Human Resources, and he’s in total agreement with what I’ve done. Insubordination is an offense for which any employee can be fired. You’ll find it in the personnel handbook, if you don’t believe me.” “Oh, I believe you, Marilyn,” Fran replies, “but I don’t feel I’ve been insubordinate, and I’d like to follow the procedures for expressing how I feel.” Fran is amazed at the calmness in her voice, and the peaceful feeling she has. She’s also amazed at Marilyn’s lack of control; she’s never seen her so angry and hateful. Jesus whispers in Fran’s ear, “Please remember that Marilyn is angry because you did the right thing. You were a light shining in her darkness, and she didn’t like it. Don’t take it personally; I’m going to get you through this, Fran, I promise.” Just hearing his voice assures Fran, and the peace that passes understanding sweeps over her. But somehow, the more peaceful she feels, the more upset and out of control Marilyn seems to be. After pacing in front of Fran, Marilyn turns and says, “There’s a place on page 3 of the appraisal for your comments, if you insist on getting yourself in further trouble. After you write them, return the appraisal to me. I’ll take it to Ed.” “Marilyn,” Fran says, “I can request an interview with Ed, isn’t that right?” When Fran sees how angry this makes Marilyn, she says to Jesus, “Oops, I think I said the wrong thing. Guess I shouldn’t have brought that up, huh Lord?” “No,” Jesus responds, “it’s okay, Fran. Marilyn is uncomfortable because she’s been lying to you, and she knows you could get her in a bunch of trouble if you go talk to Ed.” “Lying to me? Why, of course,” Fran replies. Suddenly it’s all so clear to Fran. Marilyn is bluffing about Ed, trying to frighten Fran. She never dreamed Fran would think of talking to Ed. And now Fran has the advantage over Marilyn. All she has to do is insist on her right to talk to Ed, and Marilyn will be in trouble. What will Fran do now?

Our friend, Fran, a workplace woman, was headed into her boss’s office for her annual appraisal. But thankfully, she’s not going there alone; she is aware Jesus is right beside her. “Come on in, Fran,” Marilyn says in a rather rigid voice, as she closes the door behind her. “I’ve already completed your appraisal, and what I’d like you to do is look it over and then we’ll discuss it.” She hands Fran the appraisal form. Fran’s eyes begin to focus on the appraisal form and slowly she realizes she has been given a very poor appraisal. Marilyn has given her the grade of “Does not meet the requirements of the job,” which means Fran will be put on notice. By being put on notice, she is given three months to improve and if not, she will be fired. She gulps hard and silently prays. “Lord, do you see this? Can you believe it? There’s no way she can justify this poor rating. It means I get no raise, and I may get fired. Lord!” “Yes, Fran, I see it. The important thing now is to stay calm. Remember, you prayed about your words, so be very careful what you say. Measure your words carefully,” Jesus assures her. With her heart beating like crazy, Fran looks up at Marilyn. “I guess you can see that this appraisal is very shocking to me. I really don’t understand how you can honestly appraise my work as not meeting the requirements. Here are my sales figures; as you know, I’m second in the whole office in volume and first in customer retention. I just don’t understand,” Fran says to Marilyn, as she hands her the sales figures. “Listen, Fran, numbers don’t tell the whole story. You demonstrated a total unwillingness to obey orders, you were insubordinate, and as a result we lost the D3 University business. I could fire you for that, Fran, but I’m giving you a break. You have three months to shape up and decide if you’re a team player or not. Otherwise, you’ll be looking for another job.” Fran can’t believe her ears. “Jesus,” she says, “are you going to let her get by with this? You know how unfair this is; after all, I was doing what you told me, I was doing the right thing, and now I’m about to lose my job. Jesus, where are you?” “I’m right here, Fran; I haven’t moved an inch,” he says comfortingly to her. “Have I ever failed you?” he asks Fran. “Have I ever left you or forsaken you?” “No,” Fran replies, “but this is different. I’m really in trouble. What do I do?” “I thought you’d never ask,” says Jesus, and he begins to put into her mind what to say to Marilyn.

I continue the story of our friend, Fran and Jesus on the Job. A few months ago, Fran was faced with an ethical decision. She actually refused to make a presentation to a client using deceptive methods—even though her manager asked her to do it—and as a result the account was taken away from her. She made the right choice, though it wasn’t easy. Today, as Fran arrives at work, she’s a little nervous because it’s the day for her appraisal with her manager, Marilyn. She says to Jesus: “I’ll be glad when this is over. I hate appraisals. But I hope it goes well because the better the appraisal, the more raise I get, and I could use a nice raise.” Jesus replies: “Fran, I’ll go right into that appraisal with you, so take a deep breath and know that whatever happens, I’m in this with you.” “Thanks, Lord,” she smiles at Jesus’ words of encouragement. It really helps her to keep her perspective. After all, she works for Jesus not for Marilyn, and as long as he is pleased with her work, she has the approval that is important. “You know, Lord, my track record is good this year. I was second highest in sales volume in the whole office, and my account retention record is the best. And, you know, I got that big order from John Warton last week; nobody’s been able to break that account before. So, I think I’m in good shape.” “Do you think Marilyn will have anything to say about the D3 University account, Fran?” Jesus asks. The D3 University account is the one Fran had to give up because she refused to submit deceptive figures in her proposal. Marilyn gave it to Tom, a young salesman, who blew it and lost the business. “Well, who knows, Lord, but with my good record, I don’t see how she can refuse to give me a good rating on my appraisal. After all, I didn’t lose that account; Tom did! Well, it’s about time to go.” Fran starts to rush out. “Why don’t you have a quiet moment of prayer before you go in there? Do you have time?” Jesus asks. Fran smiles, as she shuts her office door. “Of course I do, Lord. I can’t afford not to take time for prayer, can I?” She sits down beside Jesus and prays quietly, “Dear Father, give me your strength, your perspective, your calmness and your peace as I go into this appraisal. I ask you to put the right words in my mouth. I pray for a favorable appraisal, if that is your will. Thanks for giving me Jesus to be right here beside me during this. That helps a lot. I pray this in his name. Amen.” Together they head toward Marilyn’s office for the appraisal.

Jesus tells a parable in Matthew 20 that is a puzzle for us to understand. It’s the story of an employer who offers to hire workers for a certain amount, the workers agree to the pay, and they go to work in his vineyard. Some start working early in the morning and work all day, others are hired throughout the day, and finally at five o’clock this employer hires even more people to come and work in the vineyard for the last hour of the day. At the end of the workday, the employer pays them the exact same amount, even though some have worked twelve hours, some ten, and some just one hour. Well, as you can understand, those who worked the entire day were not happy campers. When they received the pay they had agreed to, they began to grumble against the landowner. ‘These who were hired last worked only one hour,’ they said, ‘and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the work and the heat of the day’ (Matthew 20:11-12). To our human minds, this just seems wrong! It’s not fair! Those are probably some of the first words you ever uttered: It’s not fair! We’re born with an “it’s not fair” attitude—wanting things to be equal, fair, right. But this parable emphasizes the fact that the Kingdom of God is not a fair kingdom! Grace is not fair. God pours his grace and blessings on us though we never deserve them. The Kingdom of God is run on Jesus rules—and those are totally different than the way the world works. Jesus tells this parable to help his followers understand that he will bless those he chooses to bless and be generous to those he chooses, and we should always remember how unfairly God has treated us—and be very grateful. He doesn’t deal with us as our sins deserve. He doesn’t dispense grace to us based on our performance. His kingdom is not like ours; his rules are usually the opposite of what the world’s rules are. As Jesus tells this parable, this is how the landowner responds: But he answered one of them, ‘I am not being unfair to you, friend. Didn’t you agree to work for a denarius? Take your pay and go. I want to give the one who was hired last the same as I gave you. Don’t I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous?’ (Matthew 20:13-15). Jesus is trying to show us that God is God, and he runs the show. He rules the universe. It runs on the Jesus rules. But here’s the thing—the Jesus rules are meant to bring us peace and contentment, and they do when we live by them. It’s upside-down living, I know, but it brings immediate and eternal joy. His message in this parable is that we are to work without envy. We are not to compare ourselves to others and envy what others get or have or do. Envy will eat you alive. Proverbs 14:30 says: A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Is there some envy in your heart today—toward coworkers or others? It will rot your bones—destroy your health, shorten your life. If you want to work by Jesus rules, then you need to clean out the envy in your heart. Believe me, you’ll be so glad you did. In Matthew 21 Jesus tells the parable of the two sons. The father told the first son to go work in the vineyard. That son refused to go, but later he changed his mind and went. The second son agreed to go, but then he didn’t. Jesus asked, Which of the two did what his father wanted? Obviously the first son did what his father asked. One of the things this parable teaches us is that we should walk our talk. The second son gave the right answer, he looked and sounded good, but he failed to deliver. He was all talk and no walk. A good rule of thumb is “Under promise and over deliver.” That’s what the first son did. He delivered more than he promised. His talk wasn’t very impressive, but he actually went out and got the work done. Have you known people who could talk a really good game but never put the elbow-grease behind their talk? Maybe they were lazy and just loved to hear themselves talk. I think many times they actually believe their own talk, but somehow they never produce. I’d rather have a quiet, hard-working, no-nonsense worker any day than a smooth talker. Are you a reliable person on your job? Does your boss know you can be depended on to do the job and do it right? That’s working by Jesus rules. You may not be the smartest or the fastest person on the job, but you can always be the most dependable and the hardest working. One way to make a lasting good impression is to be the kind of person who doesn’t have to be watched or reminded. It’s a joy to have workers who are so dependable that you never have to follow up and stay on their case. You just know they will do what you asked, and they’ll do it as quickly as they can. We represent Jesus Christ on our jobs, and one of our trademarks should be that we walk our talk. No doubt you’ve heard and sung the old familiar chorus: “I have decided to follow Jesus; no turning back, no turning back.” It’s a good song to sing to yourself throug

Presented by Lauren Stibgen What is clear is that as followers of Jesus Christ we are called to handle conflict differently. In verse 1 of John 16, Jesus says to his disciples, all this I have told you so that you will not fall away. Why is this significant? This singular verse follows John 15, and Jesus teaching about abiding. Just as we discussed earlier this week, Jesus knew we would face conflict. In fact, he is even more specific about this conflict in John 15:18. Jesus reminds us that if the world hates us know that it hated him before it hated you or me. Now let’s put this together. Jesus wants us to abide, because he knows we will need him. He knows we need his love, his friendship, his counsel and his joy. The conflicts in our day to day are heavy, but sometimes our Father is using these conflicts to help us to bear more fruit for his Kingdom. Yes, I said it. God uses these conflicts to grow us! John 15:2 states, every branch that does bear fruit he prunes that it will bear more fruit. Pruning is a verb meant to trim by cutting away dead or overgrown branches or stems, especially to increase fruitfulness and growth. Sometimes conflict happens to remove things from our lives that don’t belong. That could be at work too. God can use these moments to shine a light of our need for a greater reliance or abiding with him. Another word used in these verses in place of abide is remain. Remain or stay. How often are we not remaining with Jesus? Are we wandering too far from the perfect, life-giving vine of Jesus Christ? This is the vine of perfect love—a vine that says we can ask whatever we wish in Jesus’ name! A vine that doesn’t consider us servants but friends. A vine that apart from, we can do nothing. Don’t ever forget this. Apart from Jesus we can do nothing. This means conflict. We should not engage in conflict without seeking Jesus. Now, conflict isn’t the only pruning God uses in our lives, but surely when we are in the midst of conflict, God’s number one goal for us is how we seek him in the trial!

Presented by Lauren Stibgen Is a past conflict weighing on you? Perhaps it is something someone did to you or is it the other way around? As Christians in the workplace, we must hold ourselves to the higher standards of a calling to live our life in a way that reflects Jesus to others. More specifically, we are called to the greatest command to love one another as Jesus Christ loved us. The problem can be sometimes that our past conflicts may impact how others view our actions now or how we view others. Perhaps you weren’t following Jesus when you started working. You lead a very different life now, but people that knew you “before” remember conflict you caused. Old behaviors where maybe you caused conflict can linger. Maybe you were prone to carry the office gossip, or perhaps you took credit for a project that you worked on with other colleagues! But now you walk away and try not to say anything, and you try to ensure that you give words of encouragement to others for the work they do. Your choice not to engage in these old behaviors any more may even isolate you from colleagues or even a boss. Those that knew you as the office gossip or credit grabber may not initially trust your good intentions. Paul is a terrific example of a follower who started off his vocation creating a lot of conflict. From the book of Acts, we know Saul was a persecutor of the followers of Jesus. They were truly frightened of Saul! After his miraculous conversion, Saul, now Paul, is brought back to Jerusalem to meet with the disciples. And, you guessed it, they were initially afraid to meet with him! What conflict with someone from the past has impacted you? Perhaps you have been on the receiving end of conflict. Maybe a colleague or boss placed the blame on you for a key project not being completed on time. Have you been on the receiving end of that gossip? Maybe you were called out for your faith or for holding a point of view that is contrary to others in your workplace. None of this builds trust or confidence. However, as followers of Jesus Christ, we are called to forgive others. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins (Mark 11:25). I am not suggesting you should forget the actions of others, in fact, being aware of past occurrences can help you navigate them better in the future if they happen again. Forgiveness will allow you to continue to shine the light of Jesus at work and draw closer to God.

Presented by Lauren Stibgen Staying quiet when you are in conflict is hard! I know I have been guilty of saying too much during a conflict—especially if it is something I am passionate about! Getting wound-up during a conflict is easy. You have a point of view, and you think it is the right point of view. Maybe you have stated your point of view, but it seems like no one is listening. Perhaps you are experiencing a conflict and don’t know what to say, or you feel plain defeated in trying to continually do the right things and it doesn’t seem to get you anywhere. Are your words empty? The Bible cautions of the words that we use. And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words (Matthew 6:7). Are you talking a lot but without a lot of substance? Proverbs 21:35 in the message translation also warns, Watch your words and hold your tongue; you’ll save a lot of grief (Proverbs 21:23). In the heat of a conflict, you can often say things you don’t want to say. My greatest encouragement is to tell you to remember it is ultimately God that fights your battles. He even calls us to be silent. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still (Exodus 14:14). Have you ever tried deploying silence and waiting for the Lord to work on your behalf in a conflict? In the world this is counter intuitive. We are told to speak up and to fight for our point of view. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-6). In this silence and waiting, turn to the Lord in prayer. Those empty words that you may say during a conflict are better used in a silent prayer to God to step in for you. Prayer is powerful. It draws you near to the Lord and helps you increase your trust that he knows the plans he has for you.

Presented by Lauren Stibgen Sometimes when we are in the midst of a conflict, we talk about it with others to seek counsel. Seeking counsel from others is not a bad thing. In fact, Proverbs 15:22 tells us that without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed, and in Proverbs 24:6 we learn surely you need guidance to wage war, and victory is won through many advisers. Sometimes during a conflict, we seek counsel from people who may tell us what we want to hear instead of what we need to hear. You know that group of friends or colleagues that always seems to share your point of view, the ones that cheer you on and will tell you the other party is just plain wrong. In industrial psychology, we call this group think. Irving Janus, a Yale psychologist defines group think as a mode of thinking that people in a group engage in where striving for unanimity overrides the motivation to realistically appraise alternative courses of action. Finding people that will agree with us can certainly feel good in the moment, but it can have monumental consequences when it comes to resolving a conflict. In 1 Kings 22 Jehoshaphat sought counsel to discern whether he should go to battle. The prophets that he would typically take counsel from told him to go … for the Lord will give it into the king’s hand (1 Kings 22:6). When he asked if there was another prophet that he could inquire of, Micaiah was suggested. Jehoshaphat states, I hate him because he never prophesies anything good about me, but always bad (1 Kings 22:8). In the remaining verses of 1 Kings 22 we learn Jehosaphat goes to battle after not listening to Micaiah, and he lost his life. When you are seeking advice during a conflict, are you listening to wise counsel or are you listening to the voices that always agree with you? And more importantly are you seeking counsel from other believers? Good counsel asks questions; it challenges you and will seek to help you maintain and discern how you can come to a good resolution to a conflict. Good counsel will turn you toward God’s Word and to your relationship with Jesus as you look for solutions in whatever situation you are in.

Presented by Lauren Stibgen Sometimes the headlines are too much. These days the news is full of conflict, and it seems like this conflict has made its way into work in many ways. Whether it is continued conflict about gender or racial bias, income inequality, views on sustainability or environment or politics, we can count on people at work having differing opinions. And these opinions can bubble over into conflict when we least expect it. In John 16:33 we are reminded by Jesus in this world we will have tribulation. Tribulation is defined as great trouble or suffering. You can see how each of these issues we just mentioned can cause great trouble and suffering. Beyond these macro level issues that we are all aware of, what about the day-to-day conflicts at work? It could be something as simple as a colleague not completing their work in a timely fashion which causes your work to be late, or a boss that requires you to be in the office every day but only comes in once a week. While Jesus promises us all this conflict, he also tells us to take heart because he has overcome the world. Earlier in John 16:33, Jesus also tells us that in him, we will have peace. How can you find the peace of Jesus in these conflict moments? This week we will look at ways we can find the peace that Jesus offers. Perhaps some of your conflicts are self-inflicted. Are you listening to wise counsel? Are you listening and staying silent enough? Maybe you are saying too much, when it is God you should be reliant on. How closely you abide to your peace, Jesus, will be indicative of your greatest success or failure during times of conflict. Remember, Jesus promises us this conflict, but he also offers us the greatest solution in himself! If you are feeling overwhelmed by a macro level conflict in our world today, Jesus isn’t calling you to avoid it, he is calling you to rely on him! If you are going through a micro level conflict at work or at home, he isn’t calling you to avoid it either, he is calling you to rely on him!

Presented by Lauren Stibgen As a follower of Jesus Christ, I have thought a lot about what God wants me to do with conflict, and I’ve realized I can only control how I react and engage. I can’t control the other person or people with whom I may be in conflict. I have thought about different types of conflict, and while all require personal engagement, there are some in business that boil down to contracts and paperwork and have nothing to do with an interpersonal spat between two people. In both circumstances, God calls us to walk in a manner that reflects our kingdom status as we walk as ambassadors at work and in this world. Conflicts at work can be weighty. They can impact you personally, and they can impact an organization’s culture. Conflicts can ruin long-standing relationships and creative divides that close a business for good—especially a family-owned business. But one thing I learned about conflict, especially as a believer in Jesus Christ, is that God uses conflict to prune me. He uses these moments, whether personal or in business, to make me better for his kingdom. John 15:2 states: every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will bear more fruit. Pruning is a verb meant to trim by cutting away dead or overgrown branches or stems, especially to increase fruitfulness and growth. Pruning is good. Pruning is meant to help you and me do more for the kingdom. Pruning is meant to show us what to do more or less of. Pruning can remove people- it may even remove a job. I was curious about workplace conflict statistics, and I learned that at the high end, statistics state that 85% of employees report conflict at work. A study from the Peaceful Leaders Academy estimates that employees spend an average of 33.3 minutes a day in negative discussions about other colleagues! Even in a small company, let’s say 25 people, this results in 13.875 hours of time spent in potential conflict! Of employees who report conflict, 57% of them have seen this escalate to the level of physical altercation! A recent Harvard Business Review article reports that most conflicts at work are caused by differing perspectives or different personalities. I have learned that you can’t manage what you can’t measure, and apparently measuring conflict is important! We cannot avoid conflict, but we can strive for peace with others. What does this peacemaking look like and how do we do it? As we look at resolving conflict through our biblical lens, is it possible that others can align with us if they don’t believe what we do? The answer is mostly yes, and sometimes, no. However, if we are honest, even conflict with other believers can go unresolved. The answer is still sometimes yes and sometimes no. Matthew 5:9 tells us: “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the children of God.” One of my all-time favorite books is The Peacemaker by Ken Sande. I have had this book since 2007 on my shelf and find that I have referenced it many times over the years to describe the good and bad of handling conflict. Sande’s visual of what he calls the slippery slope of conflict outlines what he calls peace-making, peace-faking and peace-breaking. Of course, the goal is to be in peace-making mode, but what about the other end of this spectrum? Peace-faking is described as an escape response to conflict with the ultimate response of suicide. Peace-breaking is described as an attack response to conflict with the ultimate end of murder. I just mentioned that 57% of employees have seen a conflict escalating to a physical altercation; let’s think about this as peace-breaking. Obviously, this is an attack response and is on the slippery slope to something even worse. What are the roots of most conflicts? I just mentioned the Harvard Business Review which said that differing perspectives and differing personalities cause most conflict, but it is much more specific than this. Sande notes the four primary causes of conflict being misunderstandings resulting from poor communication, differences in values and goals, priorities, or even opinions, competition over limited resources, and finally sinful attitudes and habits. I can think of countless misunderstandings that have led to conflict over the years at work. The one that always comes to mind is a meeting I had with one of our administrative team members who was seeking an increase in pay. When I told her I was really focused on education and market conditions, she didn’t speak with me for weeks. I meant I wanted to focus on educating our managers about market conditions. She thought she couldn’t get a raise because she didn’t have a college degree! Unfortunately, she had also gone to her manager to express her frustration. This created a bigger conflict all because of a misunderstanding in communication! We did laugh about it after the fact, but it made for some hard conversations. What about the other causes of conflict? Differences of goals and values can be at the root of larger organi

God sent Moses to confront Pharaoh several times, to try to resolve their impasse in a way that would be best for both. Moses told Pharaoh, “Let my people go,” but Pharaoh refused to take the advice, and he paid a big price for it. As we’ve talked about constructive confrontation, I’ve encouraged you not to avoid confrontation when it is the right thing to do. But we also have to be aware that even constructive confrontation doesn’t always work, because we do not have control over how the other person will react. It’s important to remember even when we do the right thing in the right way, the confrontation may not have an immediate good result. The other person must ultimately choose how he or she will respond, and sometimes it doesn’t work out the way we had hoped. That doesn’t mean we failed. Jesus was often rejected by those he confronted with the truth, and he allowed people to walk away. Even when you believe you know what is best for other people, ultimately, you must be reconciled to the fact that they make their own choices. In some situations, you may have the power or the authority to execute an ultimatum if the other person refuses to conform. For example, if you confront an employee about their poor work habits and they refuse to change, they may indeed face the consequence of losing their job. But before you present the ultimatum to that person, try to achieve the desired result—changing that person’s poor work habits in a more conciliatory manner. It may work, and you won’t need to issue the ultimatum. In other situations, you may be powerless to enforce the change you are trying to achieve. Then, depending on the relationship, you must be prepared to live with it without allowing it to ruin your life, or you have to make changes if you are not prepared to live with it. I want to encourage you to get past your fear and resistance to confrontation and learn how to confront when it is right to do. It is good to speak the truth in love even if it is painful.

What is the best way to confront a person? When you are ready to confront, you need to open the conversation in a way that avoids sounding like finger-pointing. Think about it: Whenever someone approaches you in a finger-pointing mode, you most likely become defensive. If you begin the conversation with something that sounds like “you’re wrong and I’m right,” you won’t get to first base. Remember, we are aiming at constructive confrontation, an outcome that will be beneficial to everyone. We need to choose words carefully, words that don’t create a defensive reaction, if possible. Here are some examples of opening words that could get the conversation off in the right direction: “I wanted to talk with you personally because I believe between the two of us, we can find an appropriate solution to this issue that will help both of us in the end.” “I believe when there’s any kind of conflict between two people, the best way to resolve it is to bring it out in the open and discuss it. So, I decided it might be a good idea for us to talk about this issue, because I need to know how you feel about it.” “After some thought I decided the best thing I can do is express openly to you how I feel about this and give you an opportunity to express your feelings as well.” It is very smart to compose these opening words ahead of time. Recently a good friend told me of her need to confront her father, and she was very fearful of doing it. But it was necessary. I suggested she write it out so that when she talked with him, her nervousness wouldn’t cause her to stumble with her words and say it the wrong way. She did just that, wrote a couple of paragraphs before dialing his number, and then did what was difficult but necessary to do. She reported the confrontation went well, though she is not sure if he will take her advice. But at least she was able to get it said in the right way, and he listened.

Confrontation can be very constructive and helpful when it is done for the right reason, at the right time, and in the right way. Yesterday, I talked about searching our hearts to make certain our motives are pure. Always pray in advance so you don’t confront out of anger or selfishness. Confronting at the right time is very important. Let’s say you need to confront someone on your job because their poor work habits are affecting others, and it’s affecting the quality of the work effort of your organization. You know this situation needs to be confronted. Pick the right time and place. Never confront when others are present. It should always be a one-on-one encounter. Embarrassing or humiliating someone is sure to backfire on you, so choose a place that is private and conducive to a confidential conversation. Consider an off-site location. That often works best in business confrontations. Consider confronting over a meal. It seems to break down some barriers when we share a meal with someone. But again, it needs to be in a private setting. Timing needs to be carefully considered. Make sure you time your confrontation when you are in control of your own emotions. It’s not a bad idea to follow the “sleep on it” rule of thumb before confronting. Also time it when you have carefully considered what you will say. Consider timing as it relates to the other person as well. If you know this is the busiest week of the month for that person, you might be well advised to wait until next week. Or if you are aware that this person has recently experienced a personal problem or a health issue, take those things into consideration. Someone who is already struggling with another issue likely will not handle one more thing very well. Wise Solomon wrote: a prudent man gives thought to his steps (Proverbs 14:15) and a patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly (Proverbs 14:29). Patience and prudence are very important as we think about confronting someone.

Constructive confrontation—does that sound like an oxymoron to you? I want to assure you confrontation can indeed be very constructive when it is done for the right reasons, at the right time, and in the right way. Remember when the children of Israel were held captive as slaves in Egypt? God told Moses, “Get up early in the morning and confront Pharaoh…and say to him, ‘This is what the Lord says: Let my people go, so that they may worship me’” (Exodus 8:20). Moses was sent on a mission of confrontation by the Lord. Unfortunately, Pharaoh chose not to heed Moses’ warning, and he suffered immense harm and eventual death as a result. But God kept sending Moses to confront Pharaoh so these disasters could be avoided. That was the purpose of the confrontations; it was a very constructive and appropriate action to take. Can you think of a person or a situation in your life right now that needs some constructive confrontation? How can you tell if it is constructive or not? Consider these questions: If the confrontation were successfully completed, would the confronted person benefit from it? Does this situation/person really require confrontation, or do you need an attitude change or more patience? Is your desire to confront imbedded in a desire to get even, or is it wrapped up in anger and vengeance? What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God (James 4:1-2). Anytime the turmoil inside us is simply our own selfish unfulfilled desires or covetousness or anger, obviously we are the one who needs confronting and changing, first and foremost. As you think about the person or situation in your life that needs confrontation, search your heart in prayer before the Lord, read this passage from James 4, and make certain your motives are in line with God’s Word. Otherwise, you will be confronting in the power of the flesh for the wrong reasons, and I can assure you that will fail miserably.

If we took a survey of the things we don’t like to do, confrontation would come out somewhere near the top. Whether on the job or in our personal lives, most of us struggle with how and when to confront someone. It is not a pleasant experience, and therefore, we often avoid or postpone it. Confrontation can be one of the most constructive things we can do when it is done at the right time, for the right reason, in the right way. Let’s talk about what happens when we avoid confrontation. Suppose you and I worked together, and you were doing something that caused me difficulty in some way or another—you were doing something wrong. But instead of bringing it out in the open with you and trying to find a solution, I just let it boil up inside me until what was a small issue became a major stumbling block in my mind. Now in this hypothetical situation, instead of addressing the issue in a constructive way, I go into gossip and complaining mode about you. I tell another coworker what I don’t like about you. This other person is influenced by what I’ve told her about you, so now, instead of solving the problem, I’ve spread the problem further because I’ve infected someone else with my gossip. You can see how this could continue to spiral throughout the organization, until we have a major conflict involving not just two people, but several others as well. Has the problem been solved? No, not at all, because the one person who needs to be confronted is the object of gossip and backbiting, and she may not even realize her behavior has caused a problem. Suppose instead I decided to confront you, and I did it in such a way that there was a possibility you might handle it well. And suppose indeed you do handle it well. Now, you are in a position to correct whatever it is that is causing a problem—or to correct my perception—and you and I have an improved relationship. Nobody else needs to ever know anything about it. By constructive confrontation, we’ve eliminated tons of unnecessary stress and avoided all kinds of unpleasant encounters. Good idea? I think so.