Sure Thing

This episode artwork is a photo I took at my psychiatrist's office, right outside the ECT room for the truly mentally-based who are looking to ascend, which tickled me to no end that maybe the answer to crippling depression and anxiety disorders could lay within a coffee table book about cruising. I also sent Wolfey a picture of my psych's waiting room to get him off my back about editing the latest ep, he thought I was in crisis but I was just refilling a script. What a dumb cunt. This is the real episode, though the last one really heats up around the 30 minute mark. No loops, no cheating, it's all recorded live. I feel I should give some context for Wolfey's belligerent venom towards the MICF Gala. This is a sad man's jealousy at being unable to connect with regular people in a social setting while being exiled to Perth as is revealed by the conclusion of the episode. misn u xo surething.money

It's like we were never gone. http://surething.money

Piss on a school boy and watch your social credit soar. It's a new year and time to celebrate everything you've achieved in 2021. This episode is coming to you LIVE from May. We do a big bit on Luxury ATMs which I believe did again in another episode months later without either of us realising that we had already done it before, some of the riffs are different I think. Released early on our Patreon at patreon.com/surething. http://surething.money

New, improved, regular servings of Sure Thing. This is Part 4 of a 2:40 pod. It might have come in short as I had to remove a very offensive impersonation from somewhere in there. Congratulations to Alister Ryan for listening to 130 hours 51 minutes of the 74 hours 40 minutes of Sure Thing available over the past year. Now this is the last part of Episode 37, but if my planning is correct we should already have at least one part of Episode 38 out, making this incredibly confusing. patreon.com/surething http://surething.money

New, improved, regular servings of Sure Thing. This is Part 3 of a 2:40 pod. Congratulations to Alister Ryan for listening to 130 hours 51 minutes of the 74 hours 40 minutes of Sure Thing available over the past year. You can listen to Part 4 early at patreon.com/surething. http://surething.money

New, improved, regular servings of Sure Thing. This is Part 2 of a 2:40 pod. Congratulations to Alister Ryan for listening to 130 hours 51 minutes of the 74 hours 40 minutes of Sure Thing available over the past year. You can listen to Part 3 early at patreon.com/surething. http://surething.money

New, improved, regular servings of Sure Thing. This is Part 1 of a 2:40 pod. Congratulations to Alister Ryan for listening to 130 hours 51 minutes of the 74 hours 40 minutes of Sure Thing available over the past year. You can listen to Part 2 early at patreon.com/surething. http://surething.money

A man goes into a Doctor, he says "Doc, I'm depressed, I don't think I can take it anymore, I've been thinking about killing myself". The Doctor says "Pierrot the Clown is performing tonight, that should cheer you up." The show is sold out, the man instead spends his money on the surething.money Patreon. He necks himself, but his credit card doesn't expire until 2025 so it works out pretty good for us and we make a bit extra when I don't need to buy a t-shirt. http://surething.money http://patreon.com/surething

Taking over Brigadoon one propaganda poster at a time. T-shirts now available. Listen early at our Patreon patreon.com/surething. http://surething.money

Debates become heated, dick-taties examined, judgement is passed. We're purging ourselves of our evils through bile and hate, spinning up the cult of personality and joining everybody down in the countryside to FASEA the music. http://surething.money

Do you really identify with your gender? Give it some thought. The Plague Doctors are doing a robbery, scouring the shelves for the Guinness World Records book and booking a ticket to join the Taliban on a team building exercise that will last the rest of their lives. There are Chinese gulags where as many as 3 million Uyghur and other Muslim peoples have been detained. Early access on Patreon. All the links at http://surething.money.

Self sucking through the glory hole in your face mask. Ouroblowus. Released early on Patreon. http://surething.money.

We've spent the last day digging a grave for ourselves and for you. This episode is a true car crash - curly dick and his robotic friend are finally in together in person. The thin veil of sobriety burns away around 1:20. Play quickdraw with a murderer, make no noise during sex and remember, it's not phobic because you aren't afraid of anything. http://surething.money

Get your real estate license through repetitive concussion and CTE. Nobody is impressed by your expensive curtains when you made all your money importing and exporting brake discs for farming equipment. Council pick up is a permanent fixture are your neighbour's front lawn - raise your fists and get in their face in an attempt to win your life back. surething.money

Recorded in January. Stop eating and watch the fat that comprises the majority of your personality disappear. It's a post-apocalyptic wasteland and we're the only podcast with the solution. Start a war, suck the tailpipe of a Ford Bronco and join the Patreon to get episodes early. Shot in the back of the head, left for dead, cheeseburger in one hand, fat fake milkers pushing up the dirt as you're lowered into the ground in your Greyhound coffin. Return to sender at http://surething.money.

Silviu loves us, Bernie is RIPping it up in heaven and even the audience plants are experiencing a sad quagmire of self-pity. Very wearisome with few redeeming qualities. Are you in Perth? Andrew is performing at the Perth Comedy Festival. Shockingly he has not been featured on the front page of the website, but despite the best efforts of festivals around Australia to silence him, he has almost sold out his run at the the Regal Theatre. Tickets from https://www.perthcomedyfestival.com/event/andrew-wolfe-perth/. He's also coming to Gold Coast/Brisbane at the end of May. http://surething.money

Smashing through the trampoline that was supposed to save us from the depths of despair, the bounce has become a climb with nary an "R U Okay?". Ripped of karate kids and questionable wording from a couple of smug fucks. Green belts are now $35 and if you don't pay up we're gonna nick your coats. See Wolfey live at MICF: comedyfestival.com.au/2021/shows/andrew-wolfe surething.money

Short-squeeze yourself into a pair of dancing shoes and join us on the fire truck to get yourself a haircut. $800 tuck-ins for bedtime - we revolutionise public services to generate extra profit and commercialise what remains of society's heroes. Wait until your final moments before attempting a last-minute grab at the life you should've had. Quit your job, eat your family, surething.money.

Is there a Doctor onboard? Paying for sad dates with a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles credit card and screaming as we leave the runway. Alan Watts said it couldn't be done, but if you throw your parents under the bus you might just be able to get away with insider trading. Expressing the breast milk for your new ice cream business - leave one in the bowl while you listen to this episode for good fortune. www.surething.money Intro music created by H-Pizzle.

You're the bull in the ornamentals shop, the relationship is breaking down and everybody has taken a bet with low odds that you're not getting the kids. Delivering CBT right into your ears this episode to the background of the fattest bass drop of everything embarrassing thing you've ever accidentally said out loud. Hold your kids under water until their hands become so prune-y that no psychic could ever possibly do an accurate psalm reading. Now streaming the 10 hour editing process and live episodes to almost no viewers at twitch.tv/surethingpodcast. Sure Thing is an irony podcast and our true views and values mirror yours exactly. Peace, Love and Unity, Siberia, the place to be. http://surething.money. Intro music created by H-Pizzle.

We've only just gotten patched in and we're already having microsleeps on our big boy bikes. Set off the fireworks cos it's the first episode of a New Year featuring fresh opportunities to invest in a babychino direct from the almond's Double Fucken' Ds, a couple sniffs of the worst Darren Sadblokes your X-Defacto's ever heard and one of us works really hard to prove that a separation isn't always unfair on the man. Slap, smash, and leave on a roll: Duhka Devils forever, www.surething.money. Intro music created by H-Pizzle.

Contrary to popular belief, depression, anxiety and suicide rates don't increase during this holiday season, they are just high all year round. Can't wait till my balls drop tonight! www.surething.money Intro music created by H-Pizzle.

Sharpened teeth and anal fishhooks on a trampoline of dreams. Wolfey gets off the phone at 1:03:42. www.surething.money Intro music created by H-Pizzle.

It's a Great Leap Forward, hacking up our culture and questioning a few others. Never looking back, always looking forwards to a simulated future where all outcomes are miserable. Neck a Fruity Lexia and deepfake a smile through all the weddings, market shifts and dig deep down inside yourself until you hit that hot, black yolk. If you were truly related to Napolean you wouldn't be such a coward. Invest in www.surething.money. Intro music created by H-Pizzle.

Knock-knock, I'm with Australian Solar Implants - can you spare a minute to jam this in your head? Christmas is around the corner, you asked for Cape Town and you're getting the Cape Town Flats. Try escape without getting your hand bitten off, or stand your ground, take off your shoes and fling an egg into the face of every alternative medicine practitioner. It's not SUPERannuation unless it's invested at www.surething.money. Intro music created by H-Pizzle.

Sentencing is being handed down and we're hoping for at least 8 years. New business ideas and conspiracy theories resonate with a very impressionable man living in a state of mental flux. Kill your neighbour and assume their identity for the ultimate rent reduction. Illuminati explored and Glitterati is ignored, the Chinese death camps await. A surprise milestone at the $10k Patreon mark is announced and we have received several shockingly real applications to invest through http://surething.money. Give us your Super, Coward. http://surething.money Intro music created by H-Pizzle.

Your cubicle is a coffin, you live in a postbox and 10% of your life is being stolen by Kogan. International sex crimes and dirty penis cleaning time - retirement's a lie and you might as well just jump into the hole with the rest of the drill. http://surething.money Intro music created by H-Pizzle.

A golden tooth for a gilded man. It's Nesquik titties and abused, limp kiddies, flinging sand into the eyes of the Royals and a sharp turn left as we decide it's time to start redistributing the wealth now that we don't have any. We've waived the height restriction, so hurry up and hook yourself up to the giant ventilator with all your fishing village girlfriends. Die Piscasso or live retardo? Flip a coin and pray for head, but you're going under either way for the haircut of a lifetime. http://surething.money https://discord.gg/ZHhkccn https://www.patreon.com/surething Intro music created by H-Pizzle.

All profits from Sure Thing Podcast Pty Ltd will be used for chaos. It's a $1000 a day bender propped up by a pyramid scheme and enforced by gang of losers in cool jackets - we're hooked up to an MDMA drip to avoid a comedown. Inadvertent skull crushing as the 3 step program takes 12 steps back. Grab a vibrating stick and help us bash every ounce of what will hopefully be recognised as irony from your hot chicken. https://discord.gg/ZHhkccn https://www.patreon.com/surething Intro music created by H-Pizzle.

This is Episode 14. Andrew has lost his family, his position and now he has managed to lose Episode 13 of this horrible little podcast as well. Claiming to be Icarus but more akin to Danny DeVito as the goat man in Hercules, there is no reception among the clouds which means nobody can call to warn you that you're actually hurtling back towards the ground. A schooner is thrown, a whale is poked, the dreams of a hapless duo disintegrate, dusty between clutching fingers. Burn the ecolodge to the ground to kill all the spiders, because riffs lost may never be recreated. We have an unutilised Discord for dice rollers, and we discuss how we are to gamble Patreon money (thanks to Hank). https://discord.gg/ZHhkccn https://www.patreon.com/surething Intro music created by H-Pizzle.

Birth. Sorrow. Separation. Wanting. Clinging. These are the sutras of duhkha and, according to the charts, we are 40% of the way to ridding ourselves of any remaining shred of ego. Rip the ventilator out or live long enough to realise you died in your cubicle. This is the MSB episode. www.surething.money Intro music created by H-Pizzle.

Evicted from the house and eliminated from the island, Wolfey talks about not getting let on this season of Big Brother. The producers say the psych evaluation is bad and we've tested positive for rheumatoid arthritis after years of being being punched in the face. You are the secondary character, smashing your kids' piggy bank for more IKEA hotdogs. Fold out the cot, we're sleeping in the office tonight to keep an eye on all those green charts. This is not the MSB episode. www.surething.money Intro music created by H-Pizzle.

A piercing ring echoes out through the night, a howling rhythmic scream that serves as backdrop to the visage of the boys danger dancing with ASIC. Your DNA is on file and the dogs can smell your hereditary predisposition for failure. Doomed to repeat the mistakes of your ancestors, you must trash your loved ones to beat the HFT shorts. The treasure hunt is set to become real as we incorporate the chocolate wheel gambling podcast into a viable profit-churning entity, trading virtual Beanie Babies and taking a 30% brokerage fee for the trouble. Pony up your life savings and get your bite of the burger, you reptile-owning ostrich-eater. We go to war with plumbers once again. www.surething.money Intro music created by H-Pizzle.

Watt's happening, Folks? It's that time of the night - put your hands together and welcome Chicken Liver to the stage for the last time, closing out by leveraging Jesus for a final performance before returning to the void on the way home. This week's corporate retreat is a delight for the senses sure to create a few exes. Leave your wife at home, she's taking it in the divorce anyway, spike a pint glass into the pool and experience some shitty miracles. Honesty is killing you. You have to drill deeper to find the strength to achieve success. www.surething.money Intro music created by H-Pizzle.

Spit into the mirror but never reflect long enough to remember that you're the root of all your problems. Reach nirvana with the power of shadenfreudening your own position, even a giant sweater can come apart by tugging on a single thread for long enough. Deputy Wolfey finally diversifies, Josh liquidates his feelings. Identifying the scams running rampant in small towns all over the world culminates in unity through music. Bash your dog, cut the phone lines, you sell gum boots. www.surething.money Intro music created by H-Pizzle.

Robot Boy goes in for faulty dump pipe, teeth are being ground into dust faster than margin future positions are being liquidated and we're wide-eyed all night with the halogens piercing into the deep recesses of our brains. Mainly a discussion on chemicals with a brief interlude on chomos. www.surething.money Intro music created by H-Pizzle.

Cast your net from bridge of opportunity into the nighttime of an endlessly ignorant future. If you listen through you'll get to hear a man nearly cry. Class warfare starts tonight. www.surething.money Intro music created by H-Pizzle.

Clean all the sand you dirty little snail, the locusts are here - it's not a beautiful mind and you're not John Forbes Nash, it's a disgusting nightmare, you're John Forbes' Gash and you're forever trapped behind the glass, staring out at a room full of people you respect laughing directly into your stupid snail face. We are screaming downwards today as the margin closes in, and the only possible future position is snotty, weepy begging on your knees. www.surething.money Intro music created by H-Pizzle.

Returns are diminishing but aggression is at an all-time high. You can't burn bridges if you don't have enough gasoline - siphon the fuel from Nigel's Camry and slash his tyres to make it look like somebody broke into the underground car park during lunch. www.surething.money Intro music created by H-Pizzle.

Get out of stem cells, and shoot off some sperm cells - invest a Honda Civic into a lamp post and take the eternal drive.

It's all upside, Baby. From 250 to 320k in one week. Andrew Wolfe cannot lose. Mesoblast FOREVER. www.surething.money Intro music created by H-Pizzle.

Candlesticks go "wee". www.surething.money Intro music created by H-Pizzle.