Stuck Not Broken

When your partner is in shutdown, you're not just watching it happen—you're in it too. This episode is for the partners who feel like they're losing their person, who don't understand what's happening, and who wonder if they're making it worse. In this episode, I break down:What shutdown actually looks like (and why it's not a choice)What you CAN'T control (and why that matters)4 concrete ways to influence the situation without trying to fix them The myth of co-regulation and what it actually means How to regulate yourself so you can show up differently Why healthy boundaries aren't selfish—they're essentialWhat your real job is as a partner in shutdownThe invisible pain on both sides is real. You're not failing. You're not weak. And you're not alone.🤩 Ready to go deeper? Explore resources at every price point—from free content to 1-on-1 coaching. Whether you're just beginning or ready for transformation, there's something designed for where you are right now. 👉 Visit https://www.stucknotbroken.com/how-i-can-help-you😬 Need to catch up? Listen to the Polyvagal 101 audio series - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0✅ Crisis resources:National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741Call 911 for emergencyThis and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

EMDR is everywhere — but do you know what's actually helpful? Or if it is at all? EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) has become one of the most talked-about trauma treatments around. But most people — and, honestly, many therapists — reduce it to one image: a finger waving in someone's face. That shorthand is costing people clarity about what's actually working. In this episode, Justin Sunseri breaks down what EMDR really is beyond the eye movements, what the research actually says about its effectiveness, and — more importantly — what the science says is doing the heavy lifting when it works. In this episode: The 8-phase structure of EMDR (and where bilateral stimulation actually shows up) What happens when you compare EMDR to other trauma therapies 4 common factors that explain most of therapy's results — across every modality What dismantling studies reveal about eye movements specifically The "Toe Curling" thought experiment that puts it all in perspective Why the research has real weaknesses — and what that means for you What to actually look for in a therapist or healing approach🤩 Ready to go deeper? Explore resources at every price point—from free content to 1-on-1 coaching. Whether you're just beginning or ready for transformation, there's something designed for where you are right now. 👉 Visit https://www.stucknotbroken.com/how-i-can-help-you😬 Need to catch up? Listen to the Polyvagal 101 audio series - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0✅ Crisis resources:National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741Call 911 for emergencyThis and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)Links to research: APA and EMDR - https://www.apa.org/ptsd-guideline/ptsd.pdf WHO and EMDR - https://www.who.int/teams/mental-health-and-substance-use/treatment-care/mental-health-gap-action-programme/evidence-centre/conditions-related-to-stress/posttraumatic-stress-disorder-%28ptsd%29--psychological-interventions---children-and-adolescents VA on EMDR and limits of study - https://www.ptsd.va.gov/professional/treat/txessentials/emdr_pro.asp; https://www.healthquality.va.gov/HEALTHQUALITY/guidelines/MH/ptsd/VA-DoD-CPG-PTSD-Full-CPG-Edited-111624-V5-81825.pdf Meta-analysis of EMDR - https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2F0022-006X.69.2.305 Ten Things to Remember About Common Factor Theory - https://societyforpsychotherapy.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/09/Laska-and-Wampold-2014-1.pdf Eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing: part 1 – theory, procedure and use in PTSD - https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/bjpsych-advances/article/eye-movement-desensitisation-and-reprocessing-part-1-theory-procedure-and-use-in-ptsd/025D573300054876F5B2096F42C983D4 A Review of EMDR Literature - https://www.nausstherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/emdr-article.pdf A meta-analysis of the contribution of eye movements in processing emotional memories - https://emdrmagazine.nl/EM2013-2/A%20meta-analysis%20of%20the%20contribution%20of%20eye%20movements%20in%20processing%20emotional%20memories%20(Lee%20&%20Cuypers,%202013).pdf Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing for mental health problems: a systematic review and meta-analysis - https://www.research.unipd.it/retrieve/ff4c348a-80f5-47b4-9b7c-2e831918ed05/Eye%20movement%20desensitization%20and%20reprocessing%20for%20mental%20health%20problems%20a%20systematic%20review%20and%20meta-analysis.pdf On EMDR: Measuring the working memory taxation of various types of eye (non-)movement conditions - https://repub.eur.nl/pub/118641/Repub_118641_O-A.pdf

A paper co-authored by 39 scientists called the Polyvagal Theory "untenable" — and now psychology influencers are announcing the Theory is "dead." But is it? I'm Justin Sunseri, therapist and member of the Polyvagal Institute's Editorial Board. That means I review work for Polyvagal Theory accuracy. So let me actually look at the claims. In this episode, I break down Paul Grossman's paper "Why the Polyvagal Theory Is Untenable." We need to objectively check whether his criticisms accurately represent what the theory actually says. Because if they don't, the counterarguments are moot.Links mentioned:Grossman's paper: https://www.clinicalneuropsychiatry.org/download/why-the-polyvagal-theory-is-untenable-an-international-expert-evaluation-of-the-polyvagal-theory-and-commentary-upon-porges-s-w-2025-polyvagal-theory-current-status-clinical-applications-and/ Porges' "The Vagal Paradox": https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38108034/ Grossman's ResearchGate: https://www.researchgate.net/post/After_30_years_of_polyvagal_hypotheses_is_there_any_direct_evidence_for_the_first_3_premises_that_form_the_foundation_of_the_polyvagal_conjectures Porges' response(s) to Grossman: https://www.clinicalneuropsychiatry.org/download/when-a-critique-becomes-untenable-a-scholarly-response-to-grossman-et-al-s-evaluation-of-polyvagal-theory/ Google NotebookLM: https://notebooklm.google.com🤩 Ready to go deeper? Explore resources at every price point—from free content to 1-on-1 coaching. Whether you're just beginning or ready for transformation, there's something designed for where you are right now. 👉 Visit https://www.stucknotbroken.com/how-i-can-help-you😬 Need to catch up? Listen to the Polyvagal 101 audio series - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0✅ Crisis resources:National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741Call 911 for emergencyThis and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

Is your self-help routine actually making things worse?The self-help industry has one answer for everything: do more. More habits, more discipline, more effort. But for a nervous system that's already overwhelmed — stuck in sympathetic flight/fight, freeze overdrive, or dorsal shutdown — more doing can mean more frustration, more overwhelm, and more defeat.In this episode, I break down 5 common self-help habits that may be working against you if you don't yet have the nervous system capacity for them.Capacity Builder Live (live meditation sessions) → https://www.stucknotbroken.com/c/calendar/?topics=182524 Unstucking Academy → https://www.stucknotbroken.com/unstuckingacademy Previous episode on trauma narrative → https://youtu.be/pvJNSJ8q1aM🤩 Ready to go deeper? Explore resources at every price point—from free content to 1-on-1 coaching. Whether you're just beginning or ready for transformation, there's something designed for where you are right now. 👉 Visit https://www.stucknotbroken.com/how-i-can-help-you😬 Need to catch up? Listen to the Polyvagal 101 audio series - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0✅ Crisis resources:National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741Call 911 for emergencyThis and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

Stop forcing yourself to relive the most painful moments of your life before your body is ready to handle them.Traditional therapy often skips the most critical step — building the physiological capacity to actually process what comes up. Justin Sunseri breaks down why flooding your system with past trauma makes things worse, and what to do instead.🤩 Ready to go deeper? Explore resources at every price point—from free content to 1-on-1 coaching. Whether you're just beginning or ready for transformation, there's something designed for where you are right now. 👉 Visit https://www.stucknotbroken.com/how-i-can-help-you😬 Need to catch up? Listen to the Polyvagal 101 audio series - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0✅ Crisis resources:National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741Call 911 for emergencyThis and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

Justin Sunseri dives deep into the paradox of meditation and anxiety. If you've ever felt that meditation or breathing exercises make you more anxious, you're not alone—and you're definitely not broken. Justin explains how your nervous system might be signaling for a different approach, especially for those who experience freeze dominance. 🌸 What You'll Learn: Why freeze types often need movement instead of stillness The three reasons you might experience anxiety after safety practices How to work within your capacity and avoid overwhelming your system Movement-based alternatives to traditional meditation Understanding the "thawing" process and what to expect 🌸 Resources Mentioned:Stuck Not Broken: Book 2 (available now) - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/booksStuck Not Broken: Book 3 (coming mid-2026)Free Mindful Moments sessions in the Calendar - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/c/calendar/Unstucking Academy community - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/unstuckingacademy🤩 Ready to go deeper? Explore resources at every price point—from free content to 1-on-1 coaching. Whether you're just beginning or ready for transformation, there's something designed for where you are right now. 👉 Visit https://www.stucknotbroken.com/how-i-can-help-you😬 Need to catch up? Listen to the Polyvagal 101 audio series - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0✅ Crisis resources:National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741Call 911 for emergencyThis and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

Does a mental health diagnosis explain why you are suffering, or does it just give your suffering a name?In this episode, I challenge the traditional way we look at mental health labels. While a diagnosis (like depression, anxiety, or ADHD) can be a helpful shorthand for professionals, it often becomes a trap for the person receiving it—convincing them they are "broken" rather than adapting to their life context.To illustrate this, I share the story of two hypothetical clients: Penny and Milton. Both come to therapy with the exact same heavy symptoms.Penny receives a diagnosis, is told she has a disorder to manage forever, and leaves feeling defective.Milton is met with a nervous system perspective, learns his feelings make sense based on his history, and is given the tools to actually heal.Join me as we explore why your diagnosis is a description, not a life sentence. We’ll discuss how to shift from "fighting a disorder" to building safety in your nervous system, so you can stop merely managing symptoms and start getting unstuck.In this episode, you will learn:Why a diagnosis in the DSM describes what is happening but rarely explains why.The critical difference between the "Disorder Model" vs. the "Nervous System Model."How to stop rejecting your feelings and start building safety (the "Milton" approach).Why your symptoms are likely a normal response to an abnormal situation.🤩 Ready to go deeper? Explore resources at every price point—from free content to 1-on-1 coaching. Whether you're just beginning or ready for transformation, there's something designed for where you are right now. 👉 Visit https://www.stucknotbroken.com/how-i-can-help-you😬 Need to catch up? Listen to the Polyvagal 101 audio series - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0✅ Crisis resources:National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741Call 911 for emergencyThis and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

What if I told you that your ability to practice Stoicism isn't just about willpower or mindset—but about the actual physiological state of your nervous system? In this episode, I dive deep into a profound quote from Epictetus that perfectly illustrates how our autonomic nervous system affects our capacity to respond wisely to life's challenges.Using the metaphor of water, light, and appearances, we'll explore:• Why some days Stoic practices feel effortless while other days feel impossible• How your nervous system state acts as a "filter" for all incoming reality• The real reason willpower alone isn't enough for lasting change• 3 practical daily practices to "steady your internal waters"• How nervous system regulation enhances (rather than replaces) Stoic philosophyKey Quote: "Such as is a dish of water, such is the soul. Such as is the ray of light, which falls on the water, such are the appearances." - Epictetus0:00 Introduction0:40 The Epictetus Quote1:17 Breaking Down the Metaphor3:32 The Coffee Example5:10 Connecting to the Nervous System8:21 How Reality Filters Through Your State9:36 Person A vs Person B13:22 What To Do About This15:39 The Problem with Traditional Stoic Practice19:06 Settling the Water20:26 Practical Steps You Can Take Today22:54 Closing & Resources🤩 Ready to go deeper? Explore resources at every price point—from free content to 1-on-1 coaching. Whether you're just beginning or ready for transformation, there's something designed for where you are right now. 👉 Visit https://www.stucknotbroken.com/how-i-can-help-you😬 Need to catch up? Listen to the Polyvagal 101 audio series - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0✅ Crisis resources:National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741Call 911 for emergencyThis and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

There's more to me than Polyvagal Theory—I'm also a dad. And sometimes the best lessons come from the most unexpected places... like watching my son walk barefoot in sandals through a cold, rainy parking lot.In this reflective episode, I share a simple family moment that reminded me: mindfulness looks different for everyone. When my son told me he loves feeling "the air flowing between his toes," I realized he'd found his own way to be present—even if it made his parents cringe.Key Takeaways:→ Kids often know what they need and can make informed decisions (even about socks)→ Mindfulness doesn't require meditation cushions or apps—it can be as simple as cold air on bare feet→ Wise parents pick their battles; natural consequences teach better than artificial ones→ We all have our own version of "sockless mindfulness"—mine is opening the bathroom window during a hot showerA Question for You:What's YOUR unconventional mindfulness practice? The thing that grounds you that might seem weird to others?🤩 Ready to go deeper? Explore resources at every price point—from free content to 1-on-1 coaching. Whether you're just beginning or ready for transformation, there's something designed for where you are right now. 👉 Visit https://www.stucknotbroken.com/how-i-can-help-you😬 Need to catch up? Listen to the Polyvagal 101 audio series - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0✅ Crisis resources:National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741Call 911 for emergencyThis and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

"That was a long time ago. I don't think it affects me anymore."Have you ever said this about something from your past? In this deeply personal episode, Justin shares his own recent experience of discovering how past trauma still lives in the body—even when we're not thinking about it.After a major spinal surgery in 1997, Justin thought he'd moved on. But when new back issues required x-rays nearly 30 years later, he felt something unexpected surface: a saddened familiarity, an inward collapse. The past was still there, waiting.This episode offers a real-time example of what self-regulation can look like during difficult moments—and an invitation to extend more compassion toward yourself and the feelings that surface, even when they're unexpected.Key takeaways:Why "I don't think about it" doesn't mean it's resolvedHow to permit your feelings while staying anchored in safetyThe value of building your Safety Baseline before the unexpected arrivesWhat it looks like to balance difficult emotions with safety in real timeA different kind of episode. A different kind of connection.🤩 Ready to go deeper? Explore resources at every price point—from free content to 1-on-1 coaching. Whether you're just beginning or ready for transformation, there's something designed for where you are right now. 👉 Visit https://www.stucknotbroken.com/how-i-can-help-you😬 Need to catch up? Listen to the Polyvagal 101 audio series - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0✅ Crisis resources:National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741Call 911 for emergencyThis and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

A balloon floated down from the hotel ceiling. My son said, "Hit it back."I was sitting on a bench, quietly processing—reflecting on a loud, joyful Italian family reunion the night before, thinking about my upbringing, the conversations with my brothers, how my wife and I are raising our own kids. I wanted to stay in that quiet space.But then a wave of irritation hit me. And in that fraction of a second before the balloon touched my head, a thought arrived:This moment may never happen again.In this episode, I share a simple story from a family trip to San Jose—and what it taught me about:Recognizing when we shift out of safety and into fight or flightThe quiet power of playfulness as a pathway back to connectionWhy seizing small moments matters more than we thinkThis isn't about grand gestures or life-changing epiphanies. It's about a balloon, a 10-year-old boy, and the choice to hit it back.Consider this as me hitting a balloon to you. 🎈🤩 Ready to go deeper? Explore resources at every price point—from free content to 1-on-1 coaching. Whether you're just beginning or ready for transformation, there's something designed for where you are right now. 👉 Visit https://www.stucknotbroken.com/how-i-can-help-you😬 Need to catch up? Listen to the Polyvagal 101 audio series - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0✅ Crisis resources:National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741Call 911 for emergencyThis and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

When your spouse is dysregulated, shut down, or lashing out in anger—what's really happening? And more importantly, what can YOU do about it?In this episode, I break down:✓ The biological difference between being technically safe and *feeling* safe✓ Why your partner may not identify you as a safety cue (even if you're trying)✓ The "Polyvagal Ladder"—how shutdown → anger → safety actually works✓ Why fight activation coming out of shutdown is actually a GOOD sign✓ The painful relationship cycle (and how to break it)✓ 4 practical tips to shift relationship dynamicsKEY TAKEAWAY: If you want your relationship to change, it falls on YOU to show up differently. You can't control your partner's nervous system, but you can regulate yours—and that's powerful.⏱️ TIMESTAMPS:0:00 - Introduction: Understanding Dysregulation in Relationships0:32 - Listener's Question: Navigating Marital Challenges2:01 - The Concept of Safety in Relationships7:31 - The Role of Fight Activation and Safety11:03 - Breaking the Cycle: Self-Regulation and Boundaries20:12 - Practical Tips for Changing Relationship Dynamics26:45 - Conclusion: The Journey to Self-Regulation👉 Resources from this episode:"Self-Regulate to Co-regulate" episode - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1ZflmdCZyE 🤩 Ready to go deeper? Explore resources at every price point—from free content to 1-on-1 coaching. Whether you're just beginning or ready for transformation, there's something designed for where you are right now. 👉 Visit https://www.stucknotbroken.com/how-i-can-help-you😬 Need to catch up? Listen to the Polyvagal 101 audio series - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0✅ Crisis resources:National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741Call 911 for emergencyThis and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

Two years ago, I said AI couldn't replace therapists. I was wrong—about the technology, anyway. In late 2025, AI can now see you, hear your voice, and remember everything you say. But just because it can doesn't mean it should. In this episode, I'm exploring what's actually possible, who AI might actually help, and the uncomfortable questions we're not asking yet. This one might upset you. Good.🤩 Ready to go deeper? Explore resources at every price point—from free content to 1-on-1 coaching. Whether you're just beginning or ready for transformation, there's something designed for where you are right now. 👉 Visit https://www.stucknotbroken.com/how-i-can-help-you😬 Need to catch up? Listen to the Polyvagal 101 audio series - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0✅ Crisis resources:National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741Call 911 for emergencyThis and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

Have you ever wished for a daily guide on your nervous system regulation journey? One that offers structure without being overwhelming, and personalized support without the need for intensive coaching?In this special announcement episode, Justin introduces a project he's been working on for months: the Self-Regulation Coach. Discover the "middle path" to getting unstuck—a tool designed for those who thrive with daily structure, gentle nudges, and expert guidance right in their pocket.Learn how this AI-powered app creates a personalized, step-by-step roadmap tailored to your nervous system. With bite-sized daily lessons, exclusive micro-mindfulness practices, and instant, compassionate feedback from your AI coach, you can build sustainable change at your own pace.If you're ready to move from feeling stuck to building a life of calm, confidence, and connection, this episode is your starting point.Start your personalized journey with the Self-Regulation Coach today: studio.com/justin/self-regulation-coach🤩 Ready to go deeper? Explore resources at every price point—from free content to 1-on-1 coaching. Whether you're just beginning or ready for transformation, there's something designed for where you are right now. 👉 Visit https://www.stucknotbroken.com/how-i-can-help-you😬 Need to catch up? Listen to the Polyvagal 101 audio series - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0✅ Crisis resources:National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741Call 911 for emergencyThis and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

Is nervous system regulation a natural skill or a conscious effort? In this episode, we delve into the skill of pendulation—the mindful shift between safety and defense—and explore why it appears effortless for some but feels impossible for others.Discover the "carnival game" analogy for understanding your nervous system's capacity, learn how natural pendulation occurs in processes like grieving, and understand where you might fall on the spectrum of "stuckness." Justin breaks down how anyone, from those just "getting by" to those feeling deeply stuck, can learn to practice pendulation and transform it from a deliberate exercise into an automatic, embodied skill for living with more calm, confidence, and connection.🤩 Ready to go deeper? Explore resources at every price point—from free content to 1-on-1 coaching. Whether you're just beginning or ready for transformation, there's something designed for where you are right now. 👉 Visit https://www.stucknotbroken.com/how-i-can-help-you😬 Need to catch up? Listen to the Polyvagal 101 audio series - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0✅ Crisis resources:National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741Call 911 for emergencyThis and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

Have you ever left a therapy session feeling completely wiped out, as if you've run a marathon you didn't train for? It's a common experience, but it isn't the goal of effective therapy. That feeling of depletion is a critical signal from your body that you've been pushed beyond your nervous system's capacity.In this episode, we explore a body-centric, Polyvagal-informed approach to therapy that builds resilience instead of burning you out. You'll learn how to work with your therapist to anchor in your safety state, mindfully "tiptoe" to the edge of discomfort, and safely return—a process that empowers you and grows your capacity over time. This is about building internal resources, not just surviving the session.If you're ready to change your expectation of therapy from draining to empowering, this episode is for you.🤩 Ready to go deeper? Explore resources at every price point—from free content to 1-on-1 coaching. Whether you're just beginning or ready for transformation, there's something designed for where you are right now. 👉 Visit https://www.stucknotbroken.com/how-i-can-help-you😬 Need to catch up? Listen to the Polyvagal 101 audio series - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0✅ Crisis resources:National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741Call 911 for emergencyThis and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

Justin Sunseri challenges the widely accepted (and often ineffective) ways we understand and manage our emotions. He makes a bold claim: the common wisdom you've been taught about your feelings is likely wrong. Drawing from client conversations and his expertise as a therapist and coach, Justin reveals the two core problems with traditional emotional management and the five common avoidance tactics we all use. Get ready to discover a "weird but effective" body-based approach that offers a sustainable path to emotional regulation, moving beyond just changing thoughts or behaviors. Learn practical steps to connect with your body's safety state and begin transforming your emotional experience today.Key Takeaways:Most conventional approaches to understanding and managing emotions are flawed.Identify the five common ways you might be avoiding your emotions (resisting, ignoring, behavioral adaptations, intellectualizing, seeking external validation).Understand why changing thoughts or behaviors alone provides only temporary relief.Learn that emotions are primarily bodily experiences, not just mental states.Discover how to change your emotional state by intentionally connecting with your body.Get two actionable steps to start building your body's safety state right now.🤩 Ready to go deeper? Explore resources at every price point—from free content to 1-on-1 coaching. Whether you're just beginning or ready for transformation, there's something designed for where you are right now. 👉 Visit https://www.stucknotbroken.com/how-i-can-help-you😬 Need to catch up? Listen to the Polyvagal 101 audio series - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0✅ Crisis resources:National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741Call 911 for emergencyThis and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)