Spoilerpiece Theatre

Vin Diesel said FURIOUS 7 should win Best Picture if the Oscars want to be relevant. Hey, NOTHING could make the Oscars relevant, not even THIS KICK-ASS PIECE OF AWESOME MOVIE. Holy crap, is it amazing. It's not FAST & FURIOUS 6, but it's close. Also on the show, Dave shows off his love for the German accent when Evan talks about WOMAN IN GOLD, and Kris regales us with stories of DER SAMURAI and Passover cake. Plus, there's a Steve Martin moment or two at the top.

Today is a good day to die on Spoilerpiece. We spend some time wondering what a phone call from Liam Neeson would be like. Then we delve into the odd comic sensibilities of GET HARD, and Evan brings a deeper level of consideration to it than Dave and Kris thought possible. (How is Evan not a Pulitzer-nominated critic?) Kris gives everyone the lowdown on the Boston Underground Film Festival, which, as of publication, is still going on (it concludes March 29). Bonus! A great story about Udo Kier.

"He marries her vindictively? Let's analyze that statement." In what kind of film does someone get married vindictively? In a film like THE GUNMAN (or in this case, specifically THE GUNMAN). Kris hated it so much he could barely get through spoilerpiecing it for Dave and Evan. They didn't do much better with INSURGENT; Evan liked it. Dave didn't. It's YA action, adventure, and romance at its most bland (that's what Dave thinks, anyway). And Kris touches briefly on Godard's GOODBYE TO LANGUAGE. Tangents this week include reality TV shows that we wish existed; old-guy-killin' movies; Dave's dislike of Ray Winstone performances; the old, fat villain in "Commando"; and we break down what Kris means when he says, "Sean Penn has made movies before?"

This week's bullshit segment is brought to you by: horse shit. We all wonder how the special effects guys in BACK TO THE FUTURE III made the manure look so real, and then Dave points out something that Kris never noticed in the first film. Kris is under the weather, but he soldiers through as we discuss RUN ALL NIGHT, CINDERELLA, and IT FOLLOWS. Dave heaps some hate on RUN ALL NIGHT and other Liam Neeson films that piss him off. He mixes up who is Danny and who is Mike in the movie, but it doesn't matter. All he knows is that one looks like a low rent, Ryan Gosling. Kris gets inspired to start a fairy tale metal band before he and Dave talk about how surprised they are by all the praise CINDERELLA is getting. Their description of it reminds Evan of a SIMPSONS reference. Finally, Evan and Kris talk about how creeped out they were while watching the horror flick IT FOLLOWS. Neither of them scare easily, so you know it has to be good.

It's CHAPPIE time on Spoilerpiece Theatre! We delve deeply into Neill Blomkamp's latest dystopian sci-fi flick, which two-thirds of the guys like; talk about Yolandi and Ninja from Die Antwoord; debate the merits of cold pizza on an episode of "Cooking with Kris"; take cheap shots at Nickelback; run through the list of fake names Bart supplies Moe the Bartender with on "The Simpsons"; rip on the title of THE SECOND BEST EXOTIC MARIGOLD HOTEL; and Kris and Dave tell Evan he needs to listen to more Prince.

You know it's a good night at SPOILERPIECE when we break into a lengthy tangent about Journey, Steve Perry, and the video for "Oh Sherrie," which Kris dubs "fuckin' weird." When we're not talking about eighties pop-rock icons, we're talking about aughts icons Tenacious D, and the movies FOCUS (which has a great performance by the underappreciated B.D. Wong), and THE LAZARUS EFFECT. One is worth seeing; one isn't. In other news, Kris fills us in on his ongoing attempts to cook; Evan does more singing than he usually does; and Dave has a question about the Lego Oscar. Oh, what a night!

Ooh! We got your Oscars right here! So we're talking about the glitz, glamor and gauche nonsense that is the Academy Awards. But first we hit the movies we saw this week. Kris made it through THE DUFF, a high school movie that, for Kris, doesn't rank among the great high school movies. Then Evan and Dave saw HOT TUB TIME MACHINE 2—and they're dumber for it. On the plus side, we rip on the Oscars. Dave GOES OFF on the Oscar voter featured in "The Hollywood Reporter," Kris enlightens us about jobs at NASA with funny names, and Evan explains the reason for his particular pronunciation of the word "biopic."

What a week it's been at Spoilerpiece Theatre! The crappy weather here (currently the lead story on several national newscasts) caused several critics' screening cancellations, so all ya get this week is FIFTY SHADES OF GREY, a movie that isn't good, but is as good as any movie could be that started as TWILIGHT fan fiction. And besides, there's plenty to say about it. We get into the nitty gritty of FIFTY SHADES, but not before grousing about Boston's crappy public transportation. Kris, Evan, and Dave all agree on the movie, by the way — and they agree that the best way to talk about it is ridicule ceaselessly while acknowledging the talent of star Dakota Johnson and director San Taylor-Johnson. There are a million double entendres this week, ladies and gentlemen.

We spend a lot of time this week on JUPITER ASCENDING, and not because it's good. Because - JAYSUS - it's really, really bad. Like, so bad. You think THE MATRIX sequels were bad? YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHIN' YET. This movie is a cesspool of overused ideas and underbaked plotlines. Gah. Evan and Dave absolutely lose their minds. Dave says "It's so stupid" about a million times. At least Sean Bean survives (holy shit)! And at least Kris makes an attempt at putting the movie in a broader cultural context (in his estimation: the Wachowskis made a Y.A. movie on purpose). Plus, Kris finally pissed Dave off, and not the other way around. Then Kris briefs us on DUKE OF BURGUNDY (which he recommends) and THE SPONGEBOB MOVIE: SPONGE OUT OF WATER (which he reluctantly recommends). Tangents this week include a dip into TITANIC, the new MAGIC MIKE movie, STEP UP, how much arm strength actors have, PLANES, TRAINS, AND AUTOMOBILES,and the phrase "show your ass." It all makes sense in the end. We swear.

As the Beastie Boys said, "Another plane, another train, another bottle in the brain, another girl, another fight, another drive all night." What does that have to do with Spoilerpiece? IT'S MIDNIGHT, WHO KNOWS, DON'T JUDGE US. What we do know is that we got through 24 inches of snow (that's twice the length of "Informer," as far as we know) and convened for a late episode discussing the Mike Binder-directed Kevin Costner vehicle BLACK OR WHITE and J.C. Chandor's third flick, A MOST VIOLENT YEAR. We also got into tangents about parking, abandoning cars, and Kris had a great story about drunk wasps. Evan didn't leave his house for two days and there are birds in Dave's bedroom. It was, as Dave's college R.A. would have said, a fuggin' week.

HEY-O! It's an especially dirty episode this week as we tackle movies with explicit sex and plots that make us swear in disbelief. That's right, gang! It's THE BOY NEXT DOOR, the Jennifer Lopez comeback vehicle that, if there's any justice, will soon be playing at midnight shows alongside THE ROOM. Kris and Dave could NOT believe how awful it is - and they highly recommend it. Plus, Evan lays out the coma-filled grief-sex feature SONG ONE, and Kris explains that, in many ways, STILL ALICE and CAKE are the same movie. Plus, we talk about "Law & Order: SVU," and we'd love to know from you what movies we should commentary.

Well, it finally happened. A movie made Evan really, really angry. And the thing that made him angry is a movie he otherwise liked. That's right, gang! It's Michael Mann's BLACKHAT (which Dave didn't know was Michael Mann until five minutes before the screening), and AMERICAN SNIPER. Plus, Kris has the best line of the night in his one-sentence description of Chris Hemsworth's character in "Blackhat." Anyway, there are plentiful tangents, and we also wanted to say thank you for listening! Last week was our most downloaded yet.

We promised it in last week's episode and we didn't deliver, so this week we finally get to the worst movies of 2014. Since we like to save the worst for last, we talk about two new movies we saw first: INHERENT VICE and SELMA. Tangents this week include veganism, pyschadelic drugs, THE BIG LEBOWSKI, and THE LONG GOODBYE among other things. The episode is a little longer than usual, but that's mostly because we were having so much fun talking about farts. That and Evan almost fell asleep editing the episode. We promise it will be shorter next time.

Happy new year, Spoilerpiecers! On this episode we each talk about our 10 favorite movies of 2014. There's a lot of agreement and lots of disagreement. And then, totally organically, we venture into talk about cocaine, Aviator sunglasses, and Kenny Loggins. (Gotta love the tangents.) We hit upon LOCKE, THE DOUBLE, ENEMY, FRANK, SNOWPIERCER, ONLY LOVERS LEFT ALIVE, BLUE RUIN, COLD IN JULY, JODOROWSKY'S DUNE…just to name nine. There are a bunch more. We'll get to the worst movies of 2014 next time. Sorry for the abrupt ending, but these things happen around the holidays.

Merry Christmas! Happy (belated) Hanukkah! And, DUDE: Dave goes OFF on an epic anti-musical rant before we even get to INTO THE WOODS. Plus, Kris takes ANNIE apart, and EVAN was pulled in two directions by UNBROKEN. We make some Marky Mark jokes, and the ending is a little looser than normal, but that's because we all wanted to get home for tha holidays. Hope you got everything you wanted this year, from world peace to THE INTERVIEW On Demand!

Because we've never seen anything like this in our lives - "unprecedented," as Kris says - we thought we'd talk about "The Interview" and its cancelled release, and what the implications are for the film industry, and, at the risk of sounding hoity-toity, life in general. Plus, we all weigh in on the awfulness of the final chapter of Peter Jackson's bloated Hobbit crapfest. There are lots of tangents, too, as Kris reveals his appreciation for "This is the End," a movie Dave can't imagine anyone would ever like, and Evan clues us in as to why he pronounces Smaug the Dragon's name the way he does.

Sadly, Dave is away this week, which means we had to record at Evan's and he had to edit, so hopefully we sound okay. And if we don't, too bad! Anyway, Dede Crimmins joins us again as we talk about Chris Rock's TOP FIVE and RIDLEY SCOTT's EXODUS: GODS AND KINGS. We also talk about Cards Against Humanity's Ten Days or Whatever of Kwanzaa, our top five rappers, JCVD's poetic turns of phrase, and films we watched at home before voting on our awards for BOFCA.

Hi, everyone! Hope you had a great Thanksgiving and avoided getting an elbow in the face while you shopped Friday. We're talking about THE BABADOOK, an excellent psychological horror movie by Jennifer Kent, and UNDER THE SKIN, the Scarlett Johansson alien movie, just because we can. And this week on the show, Evan is Morley Safer and Dave is Ed Bradley. Kris didn't pick a "60 Minutes" correspondent, so let's just say he was Harry Reasoner.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Enjoy stuffing yourself with turkey, and if you go to the movies, popcorn and candy. This week we take on the horrid "Horrible Bosses 2," "The Homesman," which has many layers and complicated characters, and the funny if silly "Penguins of Madagascar." Dave hates on Charlie Day; Evan disagrees with the other guys on some stuff; and Kris tells a joke he wrote when he was 13.

Can you say marketing ploy? That's right! It's our yap-fest about THE HUNGER GAMES: MOCKINGJAY PART 1, a movie we can't stop discussing even though we try to many times. Then we talk about CALVARY and wonder why Brendan Gleeson isn't a star. But perhaps most strangely, Evan lets Dave stroll through his Tinder account while Kris seems aghast.

Whoa! All three of us saw the same movies this week! Kris talks about interviewing Maziar Bahari, whose story is dramatized in "Rosewater." Evan and Dave are sure that most people who see "Dumb and Dumber To" won't realize "To" is misspelled. And then we all tear "Dumb and Dumber To" a new one.

We cover a lot of ground this week. Christopher Nolan's INTERSTELLAR! BIG HERO 6! And Evan brings up that last week we forgot to talk about GHOULIES (which screened at the Halloween horror overnighter that our guest Deirdre Crimmins and Dave talked about). Plus, we talk about Robert Zemeckis and his crappy motion capture movies; Eddie Money songs; Evan cracks himself up; Kris mentions that he does research; and Dave tries to remember the theme song to the Saturday morning cartoon "Droids."

Evan couldn't make the recording so Kris and Dave are joined by friend and fellow critic Deirdre Crimmins (check out her work on allthingshorror.com!). This week we yap a ton about horror movies (because this episode premieres on Halloween), and we also get into the excellent Jake Gyllenhaal flick NIGHTCRAWLER and Alexandre Aja's HORNS. The horror movies we touch on include FRANKENSTEIN (1931), THE LOST BOYS, EVIL DEAD II, EATEN ALIVE, and THE INCREDIBLE MELTING MAN, which is easily one of the worst movies to ever grace the silver screen.

We've said this before, but holy crap: Talk about Tangentpiece Theatre. While talking about Keanu Reeves and the serious ass kickings he doles out in JOHN WICK, Michael Keaton's return in BIRDMAN as a leading man, and the very French THE BLUE ROOM, we take left turns into why trailers suck, the French as a people, the Byronic hero, and lots of other stuff. Plus, Dave sings "Two Heads Are Better Than One" for a half-chorus (it's Evan's fault), and Kris explains how John Wick (the character) comes to violence (short version: The bad guys came at him on the WRONG day).

This week we talk Bill Murray in ST. VINCENT and the wonderful feel-good film PRIDE. And of course, we break off into tangents - for example, the age-old question of how one separates an artist from his art. Plus, Evan reveals his love of ranch flavoring and our good friend and colleague Andy Crump fills in for a vacationing Kris.

It's time to talk Robert Downey Jr., Robert Duvall and "The Judge," and so much of the movie works but even more of it doesn't. How many subplots can one film have? Well, how often can we break off into tangents (covering Van Halen, David Fincher's body of work, the pros of having Evan AND Kris on this week's episode) when discussing "Gone Girl"? HOW MANY, WE ASK YOU? And somehow "Annabelle" snuck in for a moment this week, but that's what evil dolls do.

Evan is back and we're thrilled, but this week Kris couldn't make it to the studio. ("The Studio" is Dave's living room, btw.) But it's October and that means IT'S TIME FOR HORROR! Lucky us, there's ANNABELLE to yap about, and Dave makes no bones about some of the movie's dumb tricks and dumber plot points. Plus, Evan and Dave have a quick chat about THE TRIP TO ITALY, the Steve Coogan/Rob Brydon flick (and the sequel to THE TRIP). And who is that at the start of the episode? Is that Dr. Emmett Brown? Why, yes! We think it is!

Hey, peeps! It's Friday morning and time to spoil the snot out of new releases! This week it's Terry Gilliam's regrettable "The Zero Theorem" and the Dave-and-Kris-loved-it Denzel Washington kill-fest "The Equalizer." Plus, on this episode: TANGENTS. But it wouldn't be Spoilerpiece without tangents, right?

Big day on Spoilerpiece Theatre! Kris waxes animalistic about TUSK; Evan reveals that the animal he identifies with most is a turtle; Dave then brings up "Entourage," which makes Kris nuts; Evan gives the deets on THIS IS WHERE I LEAVE YOU; and Kris and Dave talk about the many finer and many lesser points of A WALK AMONG THE TOMBSTONES. This episode is brought to you by BIG-ASS TANGENTS: When you want to get somewhere...but not yet.

Kris and Dave form a dynamic duo as Evan skips this episode - apparently he was out for urinalysis. But Evan will return! In the interim, Kris and Dave cover "Dolphin Tale 2," "Frank," and "The Drop," which are three very different movies. One is worth seeing. One is maybe worth seeing. And seeing the third one makes you feel like you've been kicked in the nuts. Which one is the nut kicker? LISTEN AND FIND OUT. E-mail us: [email protected]. Call us: 862-21-PIECE.

It's a goddamn bumper crop of movies on Spoilerpiece Theatre this week. We've got "The Last of Robin Hood," which only Kris has seen, "The Congress," which Dave and Kris saw (and kind of wish they hadn't), and Evan saw "The One I Love" and delights in spoiling the hell out of it. In fact, this many be the first case of spoiling in history that got Dave and Kris to reeeeeally want to see a movie. There are also plenty of tangents and some anti-Connecticut sentiments throughout.

This week on the podcast we have fun tearing the Pierce Brosnan crapfest "The November Man" to pieces. Then we get into our delight at the re-release of "Ghostbusters." Plus, we break off into lots of tangents about movie villains and all kinds of other stuff. And it's true: This man has no dick.

Kris and Evan shower appreciation on Frank Miller and Robert Rodriguez's "Sin City: A Damn to Kill For" while Dave hates it (loudly). There's also some talk of "If I Stay," the few things it gets right, and the one billion things it gets wrong. Plus, the guys get into a tangent on Quentin Tarantino.

Sylvester Stallone and the gang are back for "The Expendables 3," which sparks Kris' rumination on the place of PG-13 sequels in otherwise R-rated franchises. We take lots of turns into Tangent Town, stopping on Die Hard Road, Wesley Snipes Street, and Kelsey Grammer Blvd., and Dave makes a connection between "Predator" and Alfred Hitchcock. We open with a talk about Robin Williams, who died on Aug. 11, 2014.

It's a big day at Spoilerpiece Theatre, kids! We're talking about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Into the Storm. Evan and Kris grew up with the comic and the cartoon, so they have a lot to say. Plus, we get into Sean Connery's Russian accent in The Hunt for Red October, and we finally have a phone number! Call us and let us know what you think of the movies and our commentary. Or be a jerk and don't.

It's time for the double-G, James Gunn's "Guardians of the Galaxy" and the James Brown biopic "Get On Up." Plus, Dave gets two facts really wrong because he talks faster than he thinks.

Welcome back! It's the second episode of "Spoilerpiece Theatre." This week Evan makes a correction about something he brought up in the first episode, Kris explains why we embrace spoilers, and Dave trips over his own words a lot. Then we talk about Luc Besson's lackluster "Lucy" and Kat Chandler's so-so "Hellion." Plus, Dave freaks out when he learns James Gunn directed the upcoming "Guardians of the Galaxy."

In the first episode of Spoilerpiece Theatre, Evan, Kris, and Dave explain the philosophy behind the show (F.U. spoilers), and then get into ripping "The Purge: Anarchy" and "Sex Tape" with Cameron Diaz and Jason Segel new assholes. Then they shower love on "Snowpiercer" and maybe your mom.