Sex For Couples with Heather Shannon

You want sex. You care about your relationship. But when things actually start to happen… something shifts. You get in your head. You feel anxious, disconnected, or unsure of yourself.And sometimes, you walk away wondering why it didn’t feel as good as you hoped—or even feeling shame or guilt.In this episode, I’m joined by sex therapist and Certified IFS Therapist, Patricia Rich, to unpack what’s really going on beneath that experience.Because it’s not just about libido.And it’s not something you can fix by trying harder or “being more confident.”We’re diving into how different “parts” of you can take over during sex—pulling you out of the moment, creating tension, and leaving you feeling disconnected from your own desire.Once you understand this, everything starts to make a lot more sense.💡 What You’ll LearnWhy anxiety shows up during sex (even when you genuinely want it)How “parts” of you can override your desire and create inner conflictThe difference between being present vs. going on autopilot during sexWhy you might feel regret or disconnection afterwardA simple way to start reconnecting with yourself in the momentChapters00:00 Introduction to IFS and Sex Therapy02:45 Understanding Internal Family Systems (IFS)05:34 Exploring Parts in Sexuality08:27 Vulnerability and Intimacy in Relationships11:22 Self-Led Sexuality and Awareness14:12 Curiosity and Differentiating Parts17:05 Practical Application of IFS in Sexuality23:21 Exploring Vulnerability and Playfulness25:41 Navigating Safety and Judgment in Relationships28:07 Understanding Parts and Their Needs32:13 The Complexity of Human Emotions36:28 Communication and Vulnerability in Relationships41:06 The Goldilocks Approach to Therapy44:58 Training and Resources for IFS in Sexuality👩‍⚕️ About the GuestPatricia Rich is a sex therapist and certified Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapist and consultant. She specializes in helping people understand their inner world so they can experience more connection, clarity, and ease in their relationships and sex lives.🔗 Learn more about Patricia’s work:https://patriciarich.com (update if needed based on exact link you prefer)Want Help Applying This?If this episode resonated with you, there are a couple ways to go deeper:🔥 Take the Free QuizFind out what’s actually keeping you stuck:👉 https://TheBetterBedroom.com💫 Work With MeIf you’re ready for personalized support, my Pathway to Passion coaching program helps you reconnect with your desire, improve communication, and create a sex life that actually feels good again.👉 https://HeatherShannon.co🎧 Loved This Episode?Make sure you’re following the show so you don’t miss future episodes on emotional intimacy, desire, and building a better sex life in your relationship.This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

Sick of not knowing what you want in bed? Download The Free Sexy Scorecard now - https://heather-shannon.mykajabi.com/offers/km5Dd3rfFigure out your sexual self so you can communicate better with your partner and experience more pleasure together. In this episode:Discover how understanding your current patterns can open doors to new experiencesLearn why stepping out of your comfort zone can lead to deeper connectionsFind out how curiosity can be your best friend in exploring desiresGet practical tips for trying new things without any pressureHear stories about how surprises can lead to delightful discoveriesCreate and share your own "treasure map" of interests with your partnerEmbrace lifelong learning and celebrate your evolving relationshipNavigate fears with kindness and authenticityTimestamps: 00:00 - Breaking free from routines and finding joy in the bedroom 02:14 - How comfort zones can be cozy yet limiting 03:37 - Recognizing patterns and opening up to new possibilities 05:02 - Keeping the conversation alive about what you truly desire 06:25 - Letting curiosity guide you past limiting beliefs 07:55 - Personal stories of growth and learning at any age 10:01 - Fun ways to categorize and explore your pleasures 11:27 - Crafting your own "pleasure menu" to savor life 12:23 - How desires change and grow over time 14:15 - Exploring safely and authentically, with a gentle touch 15:42 - Embracing surprises as clues to what lights you up 17:37 - Turning insights into shared moments of joy 19:03 - Keeping a "treasure map" of your evolving desires 21:13 - Understanding and celebrating your partner's journey too 22:38 - Remembering there's no "right" way—just your way 23:07 - Final thoughts: Celebrating sexuality as a lifelong adventureResources & Links:Request a free consult for Heather's Pathway to Passion coaching program: https://HeatherShannon.coSexual Exploraion Scorecard (Free Download)Take the Why You're Stuck In A Sex Rut quiz! https://TheBetterBedroom.comThis podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

What happens when you feel attracted to another woman… but you’re in a committed relationship with a man?For a lot of women, this curiosity brings a mix of excitement, confusion, and uncertainty. You might wonder what it means, whether it’s worth exploring, or how to even begin without creating problems in your current relationship.In this episode, I’m joined by Genevieve LeJeune, founder of Skirt Club—a global community for bicurious and bisexual women—to talk about what this experience is actually like in real life.We get into the most common obstacles women face when exploring attraction to other women, why this can feel so hard to navigate, and what helps women feel safe enough to be honest with themselves and try something new.We also talk about:Why so many women discover this curiosity later in lifeThe difference between performance and genuine desireWhat makes exploration feel safe (and what doesn’t)How women navigate this while staying in a relationship with a manWhat it’s actually like to connect with another woman for the first timeThis is a grounded, real conversation about curiosity, identity, and creating space for parts of yourself that may have been pushed aside.Chapters00:00 -Overview of the community for bicurious women.01:30 - Genevieve LeJeune's journey from personal experience to creating a global movement.02:14 - The importance of removing men to foster genuine expression.04:27 - Tips and advice for women beginning their journey.13:50 -Navigating monogamy and non-monogamy in women's exploration.16:42 -How diverse age ranges influence openness to exploring sexuality.19:42 - Workshops and resources for building sexual confidence.22:17 - The impact of media portrayal on perceptions and expectations.33:30 - The role of shared vulnerability in healing and confidence.41:00 - Encouragement to explore sexuality with courage and authenticity.LinksCheck out Skirt Club: https://skirtclub.co.uk/Schedule a free consult with Heather for the Pathway to Passion coaching program: Unlock Your Passion - Consultation Call https://HeatherShannon.coTake the Why You're Stuck In A Sex Rut quiz: https://TheBetterBedroom.comThis podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

You can have a loving partner who compliments you, supports you, and chooses you every day—and still feel completely undesired. The surprising truth is that the problem usually isn’t your partner’s attraction… it’s how desire is being interpreted and received in your relationship.Feeling sexually desired is one of the most powerful emotional experiences in a relationship. It boosts confidence, deepens connection, and brings energy into your partnership.But many people in long-term relationships quietly struggle with the opposite feeling: “My partner loves me… but I don’t feel wanted.”In this episode of Sex for Couples, certified sex therapist and intimacy coach Heather Shannon explains why feeling desired can be more complicated than it seems. Even when your partner appreciates you and cares deeply about the relationship, subtle psychological patterns can block you from actually feeling their attraction.Heather breaks down three common reasons people stop feeling sexually desired by their partner, and how shifting your perspective can dramatically change how you experience attraction, connection, and intimacy.What You’ll Learn in This EpisodeWhy feeling desired is partly an internal experience, not just something your partner createsHow an external locus of control can unintentionally make you feel rejected or unwantedThe subtle ways your partner may already be choosing you and expressing attraction that you might be missingHow old beliefs about worthiness or attractiveness can block you from receiving desireWhy couples often experience “mixed signals” around attraction even when both partners care deeplyHow body image, stress, and life transitions (like parenting or aging) can impact your ability to feel wantedPractical ways to start receiving your partner’s desire instead of dismissing itWant Help Improving Your Sex Life?If you’re struggling with mismatched libidos, emotional disconnect, or feeling unwanted in your relationship, Heather works with couples and individuals to address the deeper psychological patterns behind intimacy issues.Learn more about her Pathway to Passion coaching program and request a free consultation at: 👉 https://heathershannon.coTake the Why You're Stuck In A Sex Rut Quiz at https://TheBetterBedroom.com 🎧 Subscribe to Sex for Couples for weekly conversations about sex, intimacy, and emotional connection in long-term relationships.Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/show/66GEEzOy8zIeXQoyMQKmdV Apple - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/sex-for-couples-with-heather-shannon/id1656078749YouTube - https://youtube.com/@askasexcoachThis podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

You think you're too busy for sex, but you're not! Listen in for the top 3 lies that couples tell themselves about being too busy for sex. Hosted by Certified Sex Therapist, Heather Shannon, we'll cover:Why viewing time for sex as a luxury hinders intimacy and how to reframe itThe myth that life must calm down before prioritizing sex, and what to do insteadThe connection between stress, attachment styles, and sexual availabilityHow to reallocate priorities using the big rocks theory for a balanced lifeThe importance of understanding your unique desire patterns (spontaneous vs. responsive)The benefits of fun, relaxation, and play for sustaining a healthy sex lifeTimestamps:00:00 - Common myths about being too busy for sex and what they cost 02:11 - The illusion that sex should just happen naturally in a relationship 03:35 - Understanding hormonal changes and setting realistic expectations 04:05 - Spontaneous vs. responsive desire — what it means for you 05:00 - How daily routines impact sexual desire and intentional connection 06:26 - Practical ways to foster flirtation and intimacy during busy days 07:50 - Why couples need to nurture their erotic connection actively08:45 - Rethinking time for sex as a luxury and its physical and mental health benefits 10:02 - The damaging myth that life needs to calm down first 11:45 - How stress and perfectionism sabotage intimacy 12:15 - Fun, relaxation, and pleasure as productivity boosters 13:14 - The importance of valuing and protecting your sexual connection 14:09 - Recognizing when busyness conceals avoidance of intimacy 15:04 - The reality that life won't slow down, and how to adapt 16:29 - Using the big rocks analogy to prioritize what truly matters 17:57 - Managing your schedule to prevent burnout and create space for intimacy 19:23 - How energy, mindset, and self-care enhance desire 20:50 - The question to ask: Do I want or make time for sex? 21:46 - Exploring attachment styles and their influence on busyness and intimacy 22:15 - The danger of waiting for a "better" time that never comes22:45 - How nurturing your sexual connection boosts energy, calmness, and bond 23:39 - Tools like the Why You're Stuck in a Sex Rut quiz to gain clarity Resources & Links:Find Your Hidden Psychological Pattern!Why You're Stuck in a Sex Rut QuizFollow the Show:Follow the Show on Apple PodcastsFollow the Show on SpotifyFollow the Show on YouTubeThis podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

If you’re in a committed relationship and exploring a cuckolding kink, this episode will help you navigate it without blowing up your connection.Cuckolding is one of the more common fantasies people have — but integrating it into a real relationship requires emotional steadiness, communication, and clarity.In this episode of Sex for Couples, we break down:• The difference between hotwife, stag/vixen, and cuckolding dynamics• Why taboo fantasies are often tied to insecurity and power• How to reclaim shame instead of being driven by it• How to talk to your partner about your cuckolding kink without pressure• What healthy integration can actually look like inside a committed relationshipThis is not about shock value.It’s about reducing stress around sex and creating more honesty and more fun in your relationship.If you’re trying to figure out how to navigate a cuckolding kink with your partner in a grounded, emotionally mature way — this episode is for you.Chapters00:00 Navigating Cuckolding in Relationships01:31 Understanding Cuckolding: Definitions and Dynamics09:01 Getting Comfortable with Your Kink15:21 Bringing It Up with Your Partner23:09 Exploring Options and VariationsWork With HeatherLearn more about working with me inside my 6-month coaching program here:https://HeatherShannon.coMore connection. Less stress. More fun in the bedroom.This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

Many higher sex drive partners are accidentally reinforcing the cycle of getting told no. This episode will help you break the cycle.Certified Sex Therapist, Heather Shannon, explores the patterns and emotional dynamics behind rejection in relationships, especially when one partner has a higher sex drive. In this episode, we'll break down common behaviors like withdrawal, performance, and story-telling, offering insights into how to shift these patterns for healthier intimacy.Chapters00:00 The Rejection Loop in Relationships00:29 Why Rejection Isn't About Attraction00:56 Understanding the Pattern of Withdrawal02:17 The Impact of Withdrawal on Emotional Needs03:08 Attachment to Outcomes and Anxiety03:54 Introducing Self-Energy and Spaciousness05:15 Performance and Doing Sex for Your Partner07:00 Authentic Desire vs. Performing Sex08:18 The Power of Honest Communication09:32 Managing Pressure and Expectations11:37 The Stories We Tell About Rejection12:52 Facts vs. Stories in Relationships14:35 Relating to Thoughts and Stories15:28 Protective and Exiled Parts in Emotional Regulation17:11 Living at the Mercy of External Factors17:37 Achieving Emotional Equanimity18:26 Creating Space for Authentic Desire19:20 Personalized Healing and Emotional ManagementWork with HeatherFind out more about Heather's Pathway to Passion coaching program and see if it can help you stop stressing about sex and start having fun in the bedroom again! https://HeatherShannon.coKeywordsrelationship advice, sex drive, emotional mastery, attachment, communication, Heather Shannon, intimacy, relationship patterns, self-energy, emotional regulationThis podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

Perimenopause libido dropping after 40? If sex feels different—lower desire, more dryness, shorter fuse, less connection—your hormones (not your relationship) may be the missing piece. In this episode of Ask a Sex Therapist, Heather Shannon talks with board-certified OB-GYN + functional/integrative hormone expert Dr. Tara Scott about the most common hormone shifts that impact women’s sex drive across postpartum, perimenopause, and menopause—and why women’s desire is often more “Goldilocks” than linear (too little or too much estrogen can cause problems).You’ll learn how hormone testing can be interpreted when timing is right, why blood levels don’t always match what’s happening in your tissues, and how chronic stress can quietly deplete DHEA and testosterone (even in your 30s and 40s). Dr. Scott also breaks down practical, realistic ways to support hormone health—movement, food quality, sleep, stress tools, and reducing endocrine disruptors—without trying to overhaul your entire life overnight. If you’re dealing with low libido, vaginal dryness, painful sex, fatigue, sleep changes, or irritability, this conversation will help you understand what’s normal, what’s treatable, and how to advocate for better care.Chapters00:00 Introduction to Hormonal Health01:22 Understanding Hormonal Shifts Throughout Life03:41 Differences in Male and Female Libido14:00 Personalizing Hormonal Treatment28:46 The Impact of Lifestyle on Hormonal BalanceWant to address the emotional and psychological factors blocking your sex life? Request a free consultation for coaching/therapy with Heather or a member of her team here: Booking A Consultation With The Right PersonLearn more about our guest Dr. Tara Scott at:Website - https://drtarascott.com/YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@TaraScottMDThis podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

Effective this Friday, the show will be called "Sex For Couples" instead of "Ask A Sex Therapist." Make sure to follow the show so you don't lose it. This is to reflect who we are serving and the fact that the current format often tackles topics that are common for couples, but isn't necessarily focusing on answering questions posed to a sex therapist. So, just trying to be more accurate. FYI, we'll still do some listener Q & A episodes here and there! The artwork will be a bit different as well, but will use the same image of me. If you want to see what the new artwork will look like, you can check out the YouTube channel. Click on "Playlists" to find the podcast feed.Comment here if you have any thoughts or questions!This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

SummaryCertified Sex Therapist Heather Shannon explores the complexities of sexual awkwardness and the pressures that come with performance in intimate relationships. She discusses the importance of shifting from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset regarding sexuality, emphasizing the need to connect with one's body rather than living in one's head. Heather also delves into the protective parts and wounds that can hinder sexual expression and the judgment that often accompanies feelings of inadequacy. The episode concludes with an announcement about the podcast's rebranding to 'Sex for Couples', aimed at helping individuals in committed relationships navigate their sexual lives with confidence and joy.Chapters00:00 Understanding Awkwardness in Sexuality02:38 The Pressure of Performance in Sex05:17 Mindset Matters: Fixed vs. Growth07:55 Living in Your Head vs. Your Body10:55 The Impact of Past Experiences19:06 Judgment and Authenticity in Sexuality20:50 Podcast Transition: New Name and FocusCurious about working with Heather or someone from her team?Book A Free ConsultationKeywordssexuality, sexual energy, performance anxiety, self-acceptance, growth mindset, intimacy, relationships, sexual confidence, body awareness, emotional healingThis podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

Sex After 50 doesn’t have to decline — in fact, for many people, it gets better. In this episode of Ask a Sex Therapist, Heather is joined by Karen Bigman, a sex and relationship coach specializing in midlife and sex after 50, for an honest, funny, and deeply validating conversation about aging, desire, body changes, and intimacy. They explore why so many couples assume that low libido, painful sex, or loss of desire is just “part of getting older” — and why that belief is often what actually harms a sex life the most. From menopause and perimenopause to body image, shame, communication, and emotional intimacy, this episode reframes sex after 50 as something that can be playful, connected, and deeply satisfying. You’ll hear practical insights about: Why sex drive changes with age — and why that doesn’t mean sex is overHow menopause, hormones, and vaginal health affect desire and pleasureWhy mental foreplay, laughter, and connection matter more than performanceHow to talk about sex with a partner when it feels awkward or intimidatingLetting go of obligatory sex and rebuilding pleasure without pressure Why kissing, novelty, and communication are essential for long-term intimacy This conversation is especially helpful for: People navigating midlife, perimenopause, or menopauseCouples wondering how to keep sex fun and connected after 50Anyone struggling with desire discrepancy, body confidence, or sexual shamePeople curious about sex and agingPartners who want to better support each other through aging and change If you’ve ever wondered whether great sex is still possible later in life, this episode offers reassurance, science-backed insight, and permission to stop forcing what doesn’t work — and start enjoying what does. Find out more about Karen Bigman, her podcast, courses and ARYA discount at: https://www.taboototruth.com/podcast Chapters 00:00 Introduction to Sex and Aging 04:03 Debunking Myths About Sex After 50 08:33 The Role of Hormones in Sexual Health 11:56 The Importance of Self-Compassion 14:21 Body Image and Self-Perception 17:16 Common Struggles in Sexuality After 50 21:13 The Necessity of Sex for Health 22:54 Dating and Communication in Later Life 23:33 Navigating Aging and Intimacy 24:28 Emotional Intimacy and Communication 25:48 The Art of Kissing 27:21 Exploring Playfulness in Relationships 28:32 Mental Foreplay and Connection 29:00 Kissing Techniques for Better Connection 31:17 Addressing Kissing Preferences 32:50 Overcoming Communication Barriers 34:29 Small Steps to Enhance Intimacy 36:00 The Importance of Novelty in Relationships 37:28 Quality Over Quantity in Sexual Relationships 39:12 Resources for Enhancing IntimacyThis podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

Certified Sex Therapist, Heather Shannon explores the common sexual assumptions and misunderstandings that derail couples' sex lives. She discusses how past experiences shape current perceptions, the importance of maintaining a growth mindset, the influence of hedonic conditioning and the need for open communication to navigate assumptions. The conversation emphasizes the role of curiosity in fostering intimacy and understanding between partners.Chapters00:00 Understanding Sexual Assumptions05:40 The Impact of Past Experiences on Present Relationships10:46 Mindset and Its Role in Sexual Communication14:34 Navigating Assumptions in Long-Term Relationships20:40 The Importance of Curiosity in IntimacyWork With HeatherWant to get out of your sex rut? Request a free consultation for Heather's signature Pathway to Passion coaching program. Unlock Your Passion - Consultation CallVideo VersionCheck out the video version of this epsiode on our YouTube channel here: https://youtu.be/hyyz4ZyY65A This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

In this episode, Heather Shannon delves into the hidden reasons why sex becomes frustrating in long-term relationships. She explores four types of stories and meanings that couples attach to their sex lives, which often lead to emotional suffering. Through examples and frameworks like existential kink and internal family systems, Heather provides insights into how these unconscious belief patterns affect relationships and offers ways to reframe and address them for healthier connections.Looking to get past sexual pressure or frustration and feel authentically close and excited again? Book a free consultation to see if coaching with Heather or a member of her team could be a good fit! Booking A Consultation With The Right PersonThis podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

Want to get personalized coaching to improve your sex life? Book a free consultation with Certified Sex Therapist, Heather Shannon or her team. Booking A Consultation With The Right Person SummaryIn this conversation, Heather Shannon and Laura Alyn explore the journey of self-discovery in sexuality through self-inquiry and writing. Laura shares insights from her book, 'A Thousand Questions and Activities to Embrace Your Sexuality,' discussing the importance of understanding one's desires, the role of writing in processing thoughts, and the significance of open communication in relationships. They delve into the connection between body and mind, the exploration of kinks, and the necessity of creating a safe space for sexual expression. The discussion emphasizes the ongoing nature of personal growth and the importance of embracing one's sexuality without shame.Chapters00:00 Introduction to Sexual Self-Discovery02:47 The Journey of Self-Inquiry05:44 The Importance of Writing in Self-Discovery08:48 Exploring Sexual Questions and Preferences11:05 Diving Deeper into Kinks and Desires13:46 Understanding Safety in Sexual Exploration17:40 Connecting the Layers of Self18:59 The Body-Mind Connection in Sexual Desire20:31 Overriding Body Signals and Hustle Culture21:37 Self-Inquiry and Personal Growth22:28 The Ornelian Framework: A Path to Self-Discovery23:55 Understanding Soul and Spirit in Intimacy25:33 Navigating the Anxiety of Self-Inquiry28:50 Complaints as Indicators of Deeper Desires31:31 Responsibility in Relationships32:40 Exploring Intimacy and Connection34:34 Embracing Adventure in Sexual ExplorationVisit Laura Alyn's website and check out her framework here: https://theornelian.com/2025/08/27/framework/Video EpisodeCheck out the video version of this episode on our YouTube channel: https://youtu.be/GbUngjPy1nQ Keywordssexuality, self-inquiry, communication, desire, intimacy, kinks, writing, personal growth, relationships, self-discoveryThis podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp