Run Your Mouth Podcast

Rob Bernstein opens with a produced satirical cold open hitting Lindsey Graham, Hegseth purging generals, animals judging your kinks, and Israel's negotiation strategy of assassinating people mid-talks. The main show kicks off with the Kristi Noem husband scandal -- Rob wrestles with crossing his own "leave the guy alone" red line before diving into the bigger question: how does the political machine have a dirt folder ready on everyone the second they turn on you? From there, Rob gives a quick update on the Charlie Kirk shooting inconsistencies (inconclusive bullet match, sheriff resigning, trial pushed back), predicts the shooter becomes "the left's Kyle Rittenhouse," then moves to Trump attending Supreme Court oral arguments on birthright citizenship and trying to stare down his own appointees. The bulk of the episode is a deep breakdown of Trump's Iran war speech -- Rob reads the transcript line by line, exposing contradictions about regime change, the Hormuz Strait "naturally" reopening, and the claim that Iran was about to nuke the entire Middle East. He riffs on data centers becoming war targets ("I don't want to have to go back to thinking"), shouts out Claude over Grok for AI accuracy, pitches Mad Max oil tankers with Trump holograms singing "Can't Touch This" as a cheaper alternative to $1.5B/day war spending, and covers the UAE joining the Hormuz fight and Dubai squeezing IRGC money flows. The tariff segment highlights businesses wasting time trying to figure out overly complicated metal tariff rules. The show closes with Pam Bondi getting fired as AG -- Rob questions whether she'll flip on Trump at her deposition or take a cushy private sector job to keep quiet. Sponsored by YoKratom.com Sheaht.com (Promocode RYM) Merch at: RobBernsteinMerch.Com Support the show at: RobBernsteinComedy.com Send me porches at: [email protected] ⏱️ TIMESTAMPS 0:00 — Cold open / fake news headlines 1:19 — Welcome & intro, porch tour requests, YoKratom sponsor read 2:25 — Correction corner: the Gerald Ford ship story & Trump video 3:25 — Kristi Noem's husband: Rob breaks his own rule 5:00 — "They have folders on everyone" — the blackmail theory 7:00 — Deep dive into the Noem marriage dynamics 15:56 — Iran War update: data centers as military targets 17:45 — Grok vs. Claude — which AI is telling the truth? 22:12 — Trump's national address breakdown begins 28:30 — The JCPOA argument & Trump's "I saved the Middle East already" logic 35:50 — The Hormuz Strait "just opens naturally" bit 42:00 — Trump's presidential library plans roasted 42:44 — UAE joins the fight / Dubai crackdown on Iran's money 45:38 — Tariff overhaul — aluminum & copper chaos, small business fallout 48:22 — Trump vs. Macron / NATO fractures 53:10 — $1.5B/day war cost — Rob pitches a cheaper plan (Mad Max tankers + Trump hologram) 56:02 — Pam Bondi fired — Epstein files, deposition, and what comes next 1:00:28 — Wrap up, see you Wednesday

Rob Bernstein opens with a produced satirical cold open recapping the full lunacy of the Iran war, then dives into why the Kash Patel hack was probably Iran flexing that they have more dirt where that came from. The episode centers on the growing case for breaking up with Israel: other countries are paying Iran for Hormuz access, creating a natural off-ramp to the war that only Israel loses from -- and Donald Trump might finally be cornered into choosing between Netanyahu and reality. Rob tears through clips of Caroline Levitt insisting Iran has "already been defeated" while Iran blows up a $300 million plane and strikes Israeli desalination plants, Marco Rubio's goalpost-shifting "weeks not months" timeline that's now past a month, Netanyahu telling Trump to ignore anti-war polls, and Ben Shapiro's pitch for ground troops that boils down to "we have a military so we might as well use it." Trump's staff reveals they have an unofficial rule of waiting for him to say something twice before acting on it because he says too much crazy stuff, and Rob proposes a 24-hour confirmation system for presidential statements. The show wraps with USAID green energy grift allegations in Ukraine, the TSA self-funding fix, and DeSantis spending $2 million to rename an airport after Trump. Full episode on YouTube: RobbieTheFire More content and paywalled episodes at robbernsteincomedy.com -- all five bucks a month. Merch at: RobbernsteinMerch.com Sponsors: YOKRATOM.com --- ## Chapters 00:00:00 - Cold Open: The Iran War Satirical Newsreel 00:06:07 - Kash Patel Hack: Iran Flexing They Got More 00:07:01 - Countries Paying Iran for Hormuz Access: The Off-Ramp 00:09:52 - Cut Your Losses and Break Up With Israel 00:12:09 - Trump Wants His Signature on US Currency 00:13:35 - Trump's Negotiation Timeline: 5 Days, 10 Days, 15 Days 00:14:06 - Iran Blows Up a Kurdish Oil Tanker and a $300M Plane 00:15:14 - The Military's "95% Obliterated" Lie 00:16:57 - New York Post Selling the War: Ex-General Says We're Ahead of Schedule 00:17:42 - Roll the Clip: Rubio's War Timetable 00:19:17 - Rubio on Iran: Imagine If They Spent Money on Their People 00:20:42 - Rubio's Weeks Not Months Claim vs. Reality 00:23:06 - Netanyahu Says War Beyond Halfway Point, Tells Trump to Ignore Polls 00:25:28 - War Progress Report: Only 30% of Stockpiles Destroyed 00:26:00 - Trump on the Aircraft Carrier Getting Hit 00:27:05 - 13 US Bases Uninhabitable and Remote Work Joke 00:27:44 - Caroline Levitt: Iran Has Already Been Defeated 00:30:05 - Monty Python "Tis But a Scratch" Iran Comparison 00:30:40 - The Hill: Trump's Staff Waits for Him to Say It Twice 00:33:41 - Comments Break 00:37:40 - Trump Distracted by a Gold Tractor 00:38:26 - Proposal: ADD Trump Off These Topics with Atlantis 00:39:44 - Trump on Unused 10-Year-Old Equipment (Epstein Context) 00:40:25 - Trump's 15-Point Iran Truce Plan Lets Missiles Slide 00:42:54 - Trump Annoyed France Won't Share Airspace 00:44:53 - Europe Breaking Up With Israel Over Oil 00:45:15 - Ben Shapiro's Pitch for Ground Troops 00:46:00 - This Is COVID All Over Again: Two Weeks to Slow the Curve 00:48:12 - Shapiro Flips the Script: "Military Activity Is Necessary" 00:50:51 - Iranian Propaganda Guy Mocking Trump and Epstein Connection 00:53:02 - Mark Levin Troops on the Ground Tease 00:53:18 - Trump on Fox: My Uncle at MIT Knew Nukes 00:55:37 - Hegseth on Hormuz Tolling: "Unacceptable" 00:58:03 - Producer Man Technical Difficulties 00:58:23 - Netanyahu "I Can Control the Height of the Flames" Leaked Video 01:00:34 - USAID Ukraine Clean Energy Grift Allegations 01:02:53 - At Least Trump Gives Us Real Problems (Not Climate Nonsense) 01:03:29 - Ice Core CO2 Study: Both Sides Claim Victory 01:04:27 - TSA Self-Funding Fix: Just Charge $10 a Ticket 01:05:30 - Politicians Only Fix Things When It Affects Their Flights 01:07:06 - Florida Renames Palm Beach Airport for Trump 01:07:34 - Comments, Paywall Tease, and Sign-Off

Rob Bernstein tears apart Donald Trump's latest Iran war claims -- from the mystery "gift" Iran allegedly sent Trump ("I can't tell you what it is, but it's worth a tremendous amount of money") to the moving goalposts on regime change, to the $1.5 billion insider trading allegations tied to Trump's war announcements. Rob breaks down the full timeline: Trump's 48-hour ultimatum that ended with him folding, the "negotiations" Iran says never happened, the two-minute daily video briefings where Trump gets cherry-picked war highlights, and Pete Hegseth's claim that "we negotiate with bombs." Plus Rob dissects Mark Levin's dirty tricks interview with Joe Kent, gives his predictions for how this war ends, and asks the question nobody on the right wants to hear: would we have been better off with Kamala? I accidentally ran audio from my computer instead of my fancy giant microphone in my face. Better quality audio on the next one. My bad. Full episode and subscriber content at robbernsteincomedy.com -- all five bucks a month. Merch at: RobBernsteinMerch.com Sponsors: Yokratom.com Sheath.com TimeStamps: 00:00:00 - Going Live: Porch Season and New Sketches 00:01:24 - Draft Age Raised to 42: How to Dodge It 00:02:13 - Rob's Tips for Avoiding the Iran Draft 00:04:04 - Live Chat Comments 00:04:48 - Don't Let the Democrats Be Right 00:05:44 - Trump's Confidence: The Magic Show Analogy 00:09:07 - Has Trump Jumped the Shark? 00:09:47 - Live Chat: Sunk Cost Fallacy and Allergies 00:11:01 - Trump Clip: "We Killed All Their Leadership" 00:12:28 - Iran Sent Trump a Gift He Can't Tell Us About 00:15:04 - The Full Trump-Iran Timeline Breakdown 00:16:24 - Trump's Two-Minute War Briefing Montage 00:17:43 - Cherry-Picked Highlights for the Commander-in-Chief 00:18:47 - The $1.5 Billion Insider Trading Allegations 00:20:58 - Trump's Hormuz Claims: "Maybe Me and the Ayatollah" 00:22:57 - Iran Calls Trump's Negotiations "Talking to Yourselves" 00:23:37 - Iran's Response Video: "Don't Call Your Defeat an Agreement" 00:26:05 - Predictions: How Does This War End? 00:32:28 - Iran Rejects Trump's 15 Demands, Lays Out 5 Conditions 00:36:06 - Pete Hegseth Was First to Push for War 00:36:50 - "We Negotiate With Bombs" -- Pete Hegseth 00:38:33 - Iran Rejects Trump Ceasefire, Moving Goalposts on Nukes 00:41:23 - The Daily Show Clip: Biden Official Makes Sense 00:43:58 - Would We Have Been Better Off With Kamala? 00:44:25 - Mark Levin vs. Joe Kent: The Dirty Tricks Interview 00:48:28 - Rob's Impression: Levin's Micropenis Interrogation 00:50:28 - Iran's 47 Years of Terrorism? Rob Checks the Receipts 00:52:15 - Mark Levin's Only Evidence: Witkoff and Kushner Said So 00:54:43 - Why Would Kent Whistleblow? The Motive Question 00:56:45 - robbernsteincomedy.com Plug 00:57:38 - Joe Kent's Full Story: Conservative Show Without Levin Tricks 01:02:52 - Closing: Boston Shows, Porch Season, Sayonara