In the Boxing Ring: Finding Yourself and Developing Self-Awareness with Tiffanee Cook
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Show Notes
Have you ever done something without knowing why you connect to it so much? That was how it happened for Tiffanee Cook. Coming into the world of boxing and fitness, a world full of people who have stories and reasons behind their drive, she felt like she was the only one who didn't have a 'story'. Tiffanee soon discovered, however, that finding yourself, developing self-awareness and confronting your past can all happen in the boxing ring.
In this episode, Tiffanee joins me to share her journey from the corporate world to the fitness industry. She recounts how a traumatic past allowed her to connect with boxing and being in the ring. Tiffanee also talks about how her experiences changed her outlook and helped her learn how to set boundaries.
If you struggle with developing self-awareness and finding yourself, this episode is perfect for you.
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Here are three reasons why you should listen to the full episode:
- Gain valuable insights from Tiffanee's journey into boxing and fitness.
- Discover how finding yourself and developing self-awareness despite the odds is possible.
- How can you let go of your conditioned responses?
Resources
- Connect with Tiffanee: Facebook | Instagram
- Tiffanee & Co. Fitness: Website | Facebook
- Roll with the Punches Podcast
- Roll with the Punches on Instagram
Episode Highlights [04:45] How It All Started
- Tiffanee is from Tasmania, but she moved to Melbourne when she was around 20 years old. She's been in Melbourne for almost 17 years now and has worked in the corporate world for the majority of those years.
- She watched a talk on resilience by former British Royal Navy Aircrew Officer, Paul Taylor.
- Paul showed her around his gym, where she saw a poster about a 12-week corporate boxing challenge.
- Tiffanee was riddled with anxiety the day before the fight. Despite the odds, she won.
- Tiffanee ended up buying a Certificate of Fitness from Personal Training Academy at the fundraising event during the first fight.
- As she was finishing her fitness training qualification, a friend trained with her. The next thing she knew, other friends also started training with her.
- While initially not interested, Tiffanee felt like she needed to give it a go and grow in that career path.
- Looking back, Tiffanee can see her transformation from a disengaged employee to an engaged employee, to a coach, to a business owner.
- She launched an online coaching program three years ago. While it fell away quickly, she loved how people opened up to her and shared their stories.
- The boxing ring is the one place where Tiffanee trusts who she is. She developed more self-awareness.
- In the boxing ring, you react before your conscious mind catches up.
- When she was younger, Tiffanee was a victim of sexual abuse.
- Confronting her doubts and fear in the boxing ring also gave her the opportunity to look back and think about how her childhood experience changed her.
- Through the boxing ring, Tiffanee saw her inability to connect with her emotions at the moment.
- She copes by compartmentalising, only accommodating what is happening.
- She resonated with how there was support on the outside but none that could step in the boxing ring to help her. In the ring, she can come out on top and handle what's happening.
- It took a lot of reflecting and writing to see how past experience allowed her to connect with boxing.
- Listen to the full podcast as Tiffanee shares more about taking a break, training and learning more about herself and her emotions.
- Her story allows Tiffanee to meet and connect with people in the boxing ring.
- We all yearn for a resolution on some level, especially if we are not happy in all areas of our lives.
- Boxing has an opinion-based judging system. As a boxer, you are essentially putting your self-worth and identity in the hands of other people.
- We all want to win. But at the end of the day and in the years and months to come, you're just the same you.
- What you do is not who you are.
- Tiffanee met a paramedic in one of Craig Harper's camps. When COVID hit, they started an online fitness program to help other paramedics who are single and need to go in isolation.
- The project eventually evolved into her podcast.
- She found herself connecting with the paramedics. To be a great paramedic, you have to learn to suppress your emotions, and she knew how that felt and its repercussions.
- First responders experience a lot of horrific situations and are working under a lot of stress. This can take a toll on them physically, mentally and emotionally.
- There is no divide between mental and physical health.
- Epigenetics allows you to look at the various aspects of your health to get the best out of your body — from improving your performance to finding ways to prevent health problems.
- For Tiffanee, one of her conditioned responses to signs of conflict is to be accommodating. Now, she has learned to set boundaries.
- Having boundaries is vital to avoid burning yourself out and depleting your resources.
7 Powerful Quotes
'The one thing I did love about online coaching was people would just open and bare their soul in a way that you don't get when they walk in person in the boxing environment'.
'The boxing ring is the only place where I feel that even for myself I am unmasked. It's the one place where I can trust who I am'.
'I resonated with standing inside a boxing ring with somebody standing in front of me that was there as an opponent to inflict pain. I resonated, that there was all of this support on the outside but none that could step inside and help me'.
'It crossed my mind, "If I touch this area of myself, I'm changing who I am as a boxer". So how much does it mean to be this boxer? How much of my identity revolves around that'?
'If things have changed, but that in itself was beautiful. I went back to boxing not for boxing's sake also, and I box not for boxing's sake, for the sport, but for getting a handle on who I am'.
'So it's like what do we fight for? You're putting your body on the line. And this one fight, this one result, this means the world to you. But guess what? … At the end of the day, in two month's time, you're just the same you'.
'What you do is not who you are'.
About Tiffanee
'Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face'.
Tiffanee Cook has learned this as a businesswoman, performance coach and boxer. The comfort, predictability and safety provided by the corporate world, to the lessons and let-downs in and out of the boxing ring. Coming to the realisation that to have one's hand raised in triumph, adversity, discomfort and combat must be navigated. In the face of the messiness of life, do we fight or do we flee?
Tiffanee speaks openly of her own personal experiences (good and bad) and how those experiences have enabled her to develop self-awareness, resilience, courage, independence and the skill to maximise passion, possibilities, and potential. She talks about getting knocked down (literally and metaphorically) and what it is that makes some of us get back up and some stay down.
Working in business, sport, high performance and personal development, Tiffanee explores a range of ideas, tools, skills, resources, philosophies and strategies to empower individuals, teams and organisations to improve everything from productivity, efficiency, culture and communication to physical, mental, emotional and social health.
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To pushing the limits,
Lisa
Full Transcript of the Podcast
Welcome to Pushing The Limits, the show that helps you reach your full potential with your host Lisa Tamati, brought to you by lisatamati.com.
Lisa Tamati: Well, hi, everyone, and welcome back to Pushing The Limits with your host Lisa Tamati. And this week, I have an exciting interview with a young lady Tiffanee Cook, all the way from Melbourne in Australia. And I came across Tiffanee because she's a fellow epigenetics coach, and we bonded and enjoyed over that topic.
And I was just really fascinated with her story. She's an incredible athlete. She's a personal trainer in Australia, has her own podcast, called Roll With The Punches for obvious reasons. She's into her boxing and really incredible. I love watching her on Instagram and doing her thing. She's extremely fit, extremely strong minded and a really intuitive young lady. It was just a fascinating conversation over what it takes to be in the ring. And how it transformed her life from being a non-athlete, at the age of 29, going into the corporate boxing scene for the first time and then completely that revolutionising her life.
And how going into boxing actually opened up a lot of old wounds from her childhood. She had been through some traumatic events in her childhood, which she shares about, which was very nice of her to share, and some reflections on that and some learnings from that. So a really interesting interview ahead for you.
Before we head over to the show, though, if you can give us a rating and review, if you enjoyed this content, please do share it with your friends and your family. I do really appreciate you doing that. Slowly, one by one we're trying to build a community of people who love good content, who find value and good content, who want to listen to experts in different areas. And I have some fascinating interviews coming up in the very near future with some really heavy hitters, some big names, and some really extraordinary experts in the field. So make sure you stay tuned for that.
Just a reminder, too, as we head over into the crazy, silly season. I hope you've all survived okay this year 2020. Come out the other end of it. Let's hope that 2021 brings something a little bit better. It's been the toughest year of my life for sure. And I know many, many others have had horrific challenges to face both personally with businesses, with loved ones, with health issues, and fear. There's a lot of fear around in this last 12 months. So I hope you've survived that, okay.
If you are wanting some help with any issues, whether you're dealing with health problems, if you have come to the end of your tether with the sort of standard medical and if you want to get some alternative—looking at some alternative approaches to things and you want some help navigating a health journey, health optimisation, whether you want gene testing epigenetics, whether you just want some help in reaching a huge goal, some mindset support and some mental toughness training, then please reach out to me, [email protected]. You can send me your emails on there. And we can have a conversation and see whether working with us would be something that would be of benefit to you.
We also have our standard—other programs that we're running. Our epigenetics coaching programs, which looks at your genes and how to optimise every aspect of your life according to your genes and how they are expressing right now. I know Tiffanee's right into that as well. So it is next level information to help you be the best that you can be.
We also have our online run training system, Running Hot Coaching. We'd love you to come and join our family. We've got over 700 athletes now from all over the world, that we train for various events, whether you're starting from absolute beginning, don't know where to start, want to make sure you do it in a proper structured manner, then come and see us. Or even if you've run hundred hundred miles and you still just want to optimise and reach the next level of performance, Neil and I and our team would love to help you with that. So please reach out to us at that. [email protected] or head on over to lisatamati.com, or our running website which is runninghotcoaching.com. Right. Without further ado, over to Tiffanee Cook.
Lisa Tamati: Well, welcome back, everybody. I'm so glad to have you with me. I have Tiffanee Cook with me, and I'm super excited for this conversation. Wow, what an amazing young lady. Tiffanee, welcome to the show.
Tiffanee Cook: Hey, Lisa. Thank you.
Lisa: It's just so exciting. We connected through our mutual love of ph360 in epigenetics. Tiffanee is also an epigenetics coach and fan. And we have a few mutual friends. So we connected through that. And then I sort of delved into Tiffanee's website and what she was doing and a podcast and thought, 'Wow, what a What an amazing young lady'. So I wanted to get her on the show.
So, Tiffanee, can you give us a little bit of a background in who you are, and what you do, and all about what you're up to now, that's what we really want to get into the weeds on.
Tiffanee: Yes, awesome. Oh, thanks for the intro. So I'm from Tassie. I'm a young Tassie lass Tasmania, that's this, we sit down at the very bottom of Australia floating around. I grew up there, and I screwed it over to Melbourne when I was almost around 20 years old, mainly because I just felt like I was twiddling my thumbs in Tassie. It just wasn't enough air to keep me occupied.
I've been in Melbourne for the last 17 years. And I've worked in corporate for the majority of that. At 29 years old, I was at a talk for resilience. Actually, I went and watched a talk on resilience by a former Navy Seal. Actually, he's been on my podcast, Paul Taylor and that was fascinating. And after the talk, we went downstairs to have a look at—he had this gym called Acumotum, and it was all based on human movement. It was quite a forward thinking gym, and associated with PTA global to be honest.
And we went downstairs to the boxing gym. And there's this big poster on the wall with dudes in suits and boxing gloves on and it said, Executive Fight Club. And I looked at that, and I was like, 'Oh, there's something that gets attention. I'm in'. So on the spur of the moment, I decided to enter corporate boxing challenge, which was kind of crazy, because I certainly was not someone that knew how to throw punches all too well. And so that experience took me in the ring for a 12-week challenge. And then we were to fight on stage, on cameras, on Foxtail, in front of a thousand people and you know all the bells and whistles that you can hear in a professional boxing fight.
Needless to say it was an enormous experience—enormous experience. And it brought with it a huge amount of growth. So I can remember my fast forward to the day before and I did not sleep until 6am in the morning. I got to sleep. I had to wake up at 7:30 to go to the airport to pick my mom up, who's coming to watch the fight. So I remember texting my trainer, '6am, going home soon. Still no sleep, this is not good'. And he was, 'Yes'. And then I was just socially useless for the day. Mom went out for lunch and then I was just riddled with anxiety. It hit me all in the last hours, riddled with anxiety. 'What the hell am I doing'?
We get to the fight night and I'm sitting there and I'm watching my best friend. She was the first fight of the night and I watched her. And she won and of course that was amazing. And I was like 'Yes right we're on the winning team'. Then they handed me the microphone. I remember this second bout of panic hitting me because I thought well, 'I don't want to win because I can't. What am I going to do'? Now I'm about to get in the ring to win a fight that I don't want to win because I don't want to speak to people. But long story short I did and I won that fight and you could not get the microphone out of my hand.
After saying before the fight I will never ever ever ever do something like this again because whatever's on the other side could not be worth what I've been through the last 24 hours—that dissipated. And the feeling on the other side of that, the feeling having done it anyway was 10 times stronger. It was amazing.
Lisa: So cool.
Tiffanee: Yes so continued on. Fought with amateurs, had a great experience, ended up over the next couple years becoming a boxing coach, getting into health and fitness, and the evolution just keeps rolling on. I won't talk about it, it's two or four o'clock here and we'll have to wrap it up.
Lisa: Oh and you've got a couple of titles and some image titles and you've—Victoria titles I think. And yes you came right into the boxing from then on and then dived into this world of fitness and coaching and more or less. So have you left the corporate job?
Tiffanee: I have left the corporate job. It was funny when I was doing the qualifications for fitness because in that first fight, we held a fundraiser that went to the Australian Save the Children trick. So held a fundraiser and Personal Training Academy donated a certificate of fitness to be auctioned off. And on the day, no one bid for it. So I purchased it for $500 which was super cheap. Yes, super cheap.
So I ended up doing my qualifications. And as I was finishing them, it took me forever, because I never planned to use them. It was out of interest. And as I was finishing, it was a couple years later I finally realised, 'I should finish this course'. One of my good friends and a friend that I network with sort of said, 'Oh when did you finish that course'? And I said, 'Sunday'. 'Thank God, because—all right. Well, as of next week, I'm training with you, you just tell me how much and how often', and I was like...
Lisa: Oh my gosh, you're gonna be a trainer.
Tiffanee: Yes. And I was like, 'Oh, okay'. And then a couple of friends did that. And then next minute, within six months, I was like, 'Something has to give. I have to start saying no'. But I just looked around and went, 'There's people that choose this career path that want to be where I am, and grow this quickly', and I just feel like, 'I have to give this a go'. I have to feel like I have the right to not throw in the job and give this career path for yes, I've never looked back.
Lisa: Wow, that's amazing. And, you know, when I go to your website and what you do, and the videos of you doing boxing, it's like you are a machine. Girl you are a machine. Your one tough nut. And so who wouldn't want to be trained by you? You mean? Yes, I was looking at you doing your boxing exercises that when you jump and go into the band there. Wow, that's really cool. You know I might finally want to get better at boxing.
Tiffanee: Oh, yes. It's an amazing sport.
Lisa: Yes it is, I mean, I only dabbled in it when I was looking. I nearly did a corporate fight. And then I didn't end up doing it in the end. But the training was great. It was a great thing. So from the fitness side of it, absolutely love it, absolutely get it. It's really, really awesome. And to say, a kick ass girl like you just doing what you're doing. It's like, 'Wow, that's so cool'. It's like, 'Oh'. And diving into the hole, this is now my new passion where I need to be hitting. Obviously, the universe is sort of telling, 'Here. Go here'. And having the net, the courage to jump out of your corporate job was at a big scary moment.
Tiffanee: Yes, look at what it was huge. It was huge on a couple of levels. So there's level number one, where I looked back over a couple of years of doing the corporate fights. And what I saw, when I glanced back was this girl who went from a disengaged employee that just did this job in this industry that she did. And if you ask me now why I did it, I loved it. I always loved my job. And everyone always thought that I was always really passionate and happy at my job, because that's the sort of—whatever I do, I'm pretty into it.
But why I was working at the print industry, just because I fell into it out of school. And so that was my thing. But I looked back and saw this disengaged employee that had over the last couple of years, turned into an engaged employee that turned into a coach and a business owner and an entrepreneur for lack of a better word. I went, 'Wow'. That wasn't deliberate that happened hand in hand with this stuff that happened in the boxing ring. And I always call the boxing ring walk my metaphor for life.
So my passion when it came to coaching people was understanding. The cool thing was, it gets you super ripped to get you super fit. So people will come to that. They want your energy, and they want your enthusiasm. They want your empowerment and they want your abs. No, that's all this side repercussions. I was like, 'What I love is that I know that you as a person are changing when I teach you this stuff in the boxing ring, I know what's happening. And you don't even have to know what's happening'.
Lisa: You'll look back...
Tiffanee: Yes. But one day, you'll look back and realize your whole life has changed.
Lisa: Very insightful. very insightful. It's really weird, because it isn't about the abs. I mean, like, right.
Tiffanee: Yes, it was funny. I did online coaching—I launched online coaching nearly three years ago, super successful. I launched it. And within the first two months, I'd sold $10,000. And I was like, 'Wow, I don't have a huge following to be selling it like this'.
Lisa: That's cool.
Tiffanee: But it fell away really quickly, because I found so many people coming to me. I guess I wasn't equipped with my messaging and getting it out there and how to cope with things. But yes, people came to me wanting carbs and counting macros and counting whatever they ate. 'Wait, we're not counting calories. We're not counting this. That's not my jam. I don't care. Like, yes, you have abs, yes right at the end of this. We're not doing it by measuring stuff and counting things'. So, a passion for that side of things really dissipated.
But one thing I did love about the online coaching was, people would just open up and bare their soul in a way that you don't get when they walk in-person in a boxing environment. You get right to the crux of why am I here. People sitting in front of you saying—you know that they're beautiful, they're not overweight, they're super fit looking, they're gorgeous, and they're saying, 'Well, I'm fat and when sometimes I don't go out for lunch with my friends, because I'm having a fat day'. I'd be like 'Wow. I've seen you in the boxing gym for three years. You're so fit and gorgeous. And you're still sitting there telling me this story'. That's getting stories out of people.
Lisa: And you know, you write them in the online training space. I mean, we have an online run training system and stuff. It's been through hundred iterations. And it's super powerful in one way, because you can connect with people all over the world, and you can help people... But having their—it's a real struggle to create that energy that you have when you're live in a room with somebody. And so there's this problem between you're only one person and you want to reach a lot of people. You want to help have a massive impact. And then you're struggling with the systems that are available today and the way—and then you're having to learn a whole new language and technology and my God, what. All these marble black things that you have to know what you're doing in the space. And we sort of persevere because we've frickin stubborn.
Neil and I, my business partner and I, had huge learning curves. And by no means have we got it all sussed by any stretch of the imagination. And now we do both. We do the combination of things. And because you need to have one-on-one because you have a high touch and you also hone your skills when you're working one-on-one with people. And when you're in the online space, then you can reach a broader audience. It's more affordable for people. So you want a bit of both. Because when it's high touch, it costs more, it's just the way it is. And so having that combination of things is really powerful, too. I wanted to dive down a little bit into—we got talking before we started the recording—a little bit about some challenges that you had as a young person, and how that sort of came out in the ring. Are you happy to share a little about that Tiffanee?
Tiffanee: Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. I spoke to this—just recently shared it for the first time on my podcast. Roll With The Punches.
Lisa: Roll With The Punches, by the way people.
Tiffanee: Roll With The Punches.
Lisa: Roll With The Punches is a podcast.
Tiffanee: Yes, so I guess I found myself at 29, I was inside the boxing ring and I had some really strong traits. And I had a really strong idea around who I was as a person and my identity. And like I mentioned to you before I had all these strengths. And at points inside that boxing ring—the boxing ring is the only place where I feel that even for myself I am unmasked. It's the one place where I can trust who I am. Because we build this identity. And I think sometimes that that identity is so strong that even we…
Lisa: Big believer, aren't you?
Tiffanee: Yes. I can be the master of having stories and reasons that I believe. So what I see in the boxing ring and it's this developing a self-awareness, is this raw honesty of how you react before your conscious mind can catch up. So if you're scared, you react before you can pretend anything. You see, if you're aggressive, if you're scared, if you have self-love, if you see all of these things. And it's quite confronting.
I found that within two years of the sport, and I'm now questioning—I'd start to go for walks around town and I would have these memories, I would start thinking of memories of when I was a child. And when I was a child for quite a quite a few years, I was at the hands of sexual abuse from a person, a neighbor, a family friend. And it was something that I'd pushed down and I'd never ever spoken of for so long that I guess it really felt like it never even happened.
Lisa: You thought you're over it.
Tiffanee: Yes. So here I am strolling along and all of a sudden, that would pop in my head. And I think about running into this person, I'd start to get angry, bad. And I start to think that 'Why is this coming up. This is weird'. I start to Google it. 'What are the repercussions of an adult who has experienced childhood sexual abuse'? I had a best friend at the time, who was a clinical psychologist, and we were on a walk and I was like, 'Oh, so what…' I explained the question to her, and I remember her answer was like, 'Ah, no, I haven't dealt with anything'. And I was like, 'All right'. And then a couple weeks later, we're there speaking about so and so. And I was like 'Nah just speaking about myself'? All these frames feel differently.
But yes, basically, I questioned why am I in this boxing ring? Something is drawing me in on a level, because I'm not someone who keeps coming back. I find the next shiny object pretty quickly. I said to you before, when I was at school I was not—I was smoking when I was 14 like smoking cigarettes. I wasn't turning up to do fitness and things. But when it came to sprinting, I'd come first in that 100, 200, 400 meters and anything jumping and I loved it because I was good at it.
The boxing, I never felt I was good at it. It was a skill I didn't have that I had to work hard for. I'd work hard and consistently and self doubt and fear and all of those hard-to-cope-with, confronting emotions and I was doing it. So, I started writing why, what's going on here. And these emotional breakdowns were coming up. And it really just started peeling back that hard shell and making me look at how that experience as a child had changed me. And it really gave me the opportunity to face that.
Lisa: Wow, that's amazing. Because you were digging so deep in some really confronting stuff in the ring. It's sort of opening up your personal—because like you say, you can't run anywhere when you're in the ring, or your boxing, or in your training, and you're pushing your limits and you're feeling fear, and you're feeling anxiety, and you're outside of your comfort zone pretty much the whole freaking time. And that makes you start to think, 'Well, who the hell am I and what am I doing? And where have I come from? And what am I'?
I mean, for me, and I use ultramarathoning as my metaphor for everything, for obvious reasons. So as you in the boxing ring. I was running. When I started doing ultra marathon, I was running from the pain. And the pain that I felt physically was a metaphor for the pain that I was in internally. For me that's the masochistic side of really pushing my body to the absolute limit in the early days, was about listening in the pain that I was experiencing in my soul, in my heart, in my mind, and the talks of incessant negativity that was in my mind.
I found when I pushed my body and was in pain, and suffering, and pushing to the limits, and achieving things as well, that changed the conversations that I was having with myself, and it opened up avenues for me to let that pain out and to start to work through it and start to heal from it. And then of course, you're surrounded by amazing, incredible people in the sport.
And you're doing incredible things. And then people are starting to say, 'Hey, that's pretty amazing what you're doing'. And slowly over time, you start to build—rebuild, what's broken inside, and people don't see this on the outside. They don't see the broken heart that's on the inside. When I was young, I had no self esteem, no confidence. I'd never been doing this sort of stuff. Like for God's sake. I was like a timid, very broken person. I hadn't experienced sexual abuse, like you, thank God, in my childhood, but I had been in abusive relationships. And been through that experience, and had some other stuff in my youth, again, through sport, and being pushed too hard, too early in my sport, and things.So I was dealing with a whole lot of crap. In other words, and this was my outlet.
And as time went on, running, rebuilt, who I was and what I thought I could achieve. And when I started to open those doors, just like you've been through in the last few years, it's like, 'Holy shoot. I can do a heck of a lot of things that I didn't think I could possibly do. And if I can do that, maybe I can do this'. And your horizon starts to open up as to who and what you are and what you're capable of. And in that time, your things are changing as to how you're dealing with stuff because that's the other great thing with sport and training and discipline and perseverance is you start to develop a toolbox of ways of thinking, of skills, of ways of managing your emotions, and you learn all these tricks.
And then when you dive into the whole world of epigenetics and you start to understand your own genes, that's the next level stuff. You start to realize, 'Hey, I'm on this chemical bomb and I've got to move and I've got to do my breathing and calm myself down. And I know when to turn myself on. When to push and when to pull back'. And you know, come 52. So I'm starting to slowly work stuff out, not touch wood. I can still have breakdowns quite regularly. Don't get me wrong. But you know what I mean? And you start to feel as if like, 'Ah, this is sort of making sense'. And then you know, as you get older, life's even more shitty. So you've got stuff to look forward
Tiffanee: Yes. I can't wait. I can't wait.
Lisa: But you know, you've got some—at least some coping mechanisms or some ways of dealing with it. So what started to come out? So how did the sexual abuse as a child? I mean, a lot of people have been through this. And it's so cool that you're willing to share it because it is about how is it affecting you today as an adult, what happened to you back then. Because it's this stuff, that programs your subconscious, and you don't even know it?
Tiffanee: Oh, big time, big time. I'm taking it back into the boxing ring. What I saw in there, and it was a real strength in the boxing ring. So what I saw in there was this inability to connect with emotions in the moment. So I was a very technical boxer. I was inside. And I wasn't—definitely wasn't talented. In fact, in that first fight, I think everyone with myself and everyone around me was like, 'Oh shit, look at this chick. How are we gonna fix this in 12 weeks'? We only sparred once or twice before the fight. And the time that we jumped in and sparred, the trainer came over and he said, 'Is that the first time you've sparred'? Then he goes, 'Wow, you did really well'. So you can't tell what you're gonna be like in any situation. So I did really well.
But what made me do really well was this inability to connect and feel and deal with emotion. So I had built this coping mechanism that I guess it was: accommodate what's happening. Accommodate what's happening. Emotions will come back in three days later.
Lisa: Yes, yes. That's called compartmentalising. And there can be a real strength, compartmentalising, being able to not be emotional in the moment.
Tiffanee: Yes. And in most of my early fights, I'll walk back to meet the enemy like, 'What happened'? Really, my awareness in there was, I was just on full fight or flight. Go. I couldn't feel the punch. It's winning and losing felt was ours. My defenses weren't great. But I was strong. And I was resilient. And I would just walk in and I would go. I knew I was there for a job and I'd do it.
Over there, what I found really interesting—so I guess let me talk about what connected with me there, was that idea of: I resonated with standing inside a boxing ring with somebody that was standing in front of me that was there as an opponent to inflict pain. I resonated, that there was all of this support on the outside, but none that could step inside and help me. I resonated with the fact though in this ring, they could see, I got a chance to show them that this is happening to me. And I'm going to come out on top and I can handle this.
Lisa: Wow.
Tiffanee: It was all this stuff. It took a lot of looking at that and writing it out and seeing how it felt to say and think like that, to know whether it connected.
Lisa: Very intuitive.
Tiffanee: Yes. So, in 2015, I left work and became a coach. So I stopped competing for a little bit just to adjust and get in three years passed before I hopped back in the boxing ring. And when I did and that was only last year in 2019 or 2018. Sorry. I jumped back in the ring, and simultaneously as I opened two gyms. But mind you, so I don't know who whatsoever. Does it all at once. On that person, whoever it is.
So I jump back and walk through. And my biggest curiosity—I don't say fear, I say curiosity—was in that time, I've done a lot of work. I've done a lot of therapy. I'd sought out help. I knew what I needed to resolve in relationships—and we can touch on that later. You wish but I knew that my biggest strength is inability to connect with emotions had now been tampered with a lot and that I'd worked on that. And I thought—to be honest in working on it, it crossed my mind. 'If I touch this area of myself, I'm changing who I am as a boxer. So how much does it mean to be this boxer'? Yes. Oh, yeah. 'How much of my identity revolves around that because of it. Because I don't play in this space'...
Lisa: You may not be the boxer that you were prior when you were emotionlessly be.
Tiffanee: Exactly.
Lisa: Yes. Can resonate with one.
Tiffanee: Yes. So I went back and I went to training and I remember I had a hard trainer. I've had a few trainers over time. He was my first amateur trainer, really loved his style of training. But you know, I think million dollar baby. He was brutal. He was… Yes, he did not come without the work.
So I went down and trained with him. And at this gym down in Dandenong. A lot of—mostly male boxers there. Quite an intimidating space, really. I hadn't sparred or done anything for a couple of years. Aside from the—I had to throw the gloves on, hit the bag occasionally.
And I remember jumping in the ring with one of his fighters, and he was a southpaw. He is a heavy hitter, he has a—without even trying he lands these punches that are like a freight train. Hitting like a really strong lad. And I hopped in the ring. And I wore an [31:08 unintelligible] that I thought broke my nose. So I've never had a broken nose.
Lisa: Pretty pretty nose.
Tiffanee: I know I always thought I've got quite a—for the listeners, I've got quite a sharp pointy straight nose that you just wouldn't think that a boxer could hate this nose. Basically the amount of punches are away. Anyway, he lives in Africa. And I thought, 'For sure that's broken nose in it', quite a lot. I felt anxious. And it was the first time three minutes felt like three years in there. And I remember being hyper aware that my heart was—I felt naked. 'I knew that you can all see my emotion. I'm feeling it. And I don't want to be here'. And I feel like for the first time I don't even want to finish this round. I felt so exposed. And yes and it told me you know, all I needed to know was 'Yep, things have changed', but that in itself was beautiful. I went back to boxing not for boxing sake. Also I boxed not for boxing sake for the sport but for getting a handle on who I am. And saying that—it's like my… Like I said it's like...
Lisa: Like your measuring stick?
Tiffanee: Yes, yes, absolutely.
Lisa: So, are you competing now. Or are just back from the competitive side so that you can focus on all this sort of stuff?
Tiffanee: COVID certainly—well, by the end of last year, I'd burned myself out again because I was the head of all the gyms and all the training. I was doing way too much. Now that I know my about my health side, I understand what has always pushed me to the break point, into that zone.
Lisa: Yes. People, so sorry. We're talking about the language. So we are very similar health type. So we tend to—just for the listeners, we have a lot of adrenaline so we go, go, go until we go bang, and then we'd crash. And recognizing that pattern and because we're both very similar—similar place in the wheel, and is a really important thing so that we don't burn out so that we learn to back off before we have the crash. It's not great
Tiffanee: Yes, as an activator. So I would get up at 4:30 and I would do a five hour shift holding pads in my gyms. Then I'd drive down for an hour and I'd gonna do a two—usually a two hour boxing session but we're talking three minute rounds and probably sometimes up to an hour straight of sparring. So it was two hours of high intensity brutal work yet five nights a week. So I look at that and I'm like, 'Okay, well activators aren't built for to last in. It's no wonder'. But before knowing about epigenetics, I was just like, 'I don't know why I'm burning out'.
Lisa: Pretty obvious now.
Tiffanee: I mean, it should have been obvious anyway.
Lisa: It's also not born for running for days on end either. As I found that quite later to piece through.
Tiffanee: The Crusader coming through.
Lisa: The Crusaders a little bit more. But...
Tiffanee: Yes, it's kind of nice to be on the cusp of both.
Lisa: You get to have the best of both.
Tiffanee: Yes.
Lisa: You mucked up both ways. But did you see—did it change? Doing this emotional work, and she—and I've never seen this before. But, I often get asked, 'Why are you not doing ultra marathons now'? And one of the reasons was obvious. My mom got sick and my whole life focus changed. And then you know, life's come at me with a full throttle and I haven't been able to do that. I can't dedicate 20 hours a week to my sport anymore. It's just impossible.
But on the other side of that equation is that I've now spent so long studying the body and human physiology and epigenetics and all the rest of the stuff that I actually don't want to do that to myself anymore because I want longevity and I want health and I am 52. And I did it for 25 years and my body isn't the same. And I've taken some health hits from it.
I also have been in a place in my life where I feel like in the early, long part of my career, I felt like I had to prove something to somebody. And I was doing it to be something, prove something that I was tough, that I was strong, that I was able, because I've always been told, 'You're useless and weak, and you can't do this'. So that was my reaction to try to prove that I now no longer have that desire, and therefore the hunger is gone. If that makes sense. So I no longer have that absolute desire to go through whatever it takes to the finish line, and you need it in that sport. if that's what you—if you want to reach the top.
And that played with my identity for a long time. 'Then who am I if I'm not that tough, you know ultramarathon running girl'? And now I'm like, 'No, actually I've got bigger, different', or should I say, 'different things to do on this earth. And that was a great time. I've taken these great experiences that I can now share. And it's okay to be doing—being a badass in other ways'. And that's okay.
And I think a lot of athletes have this real difficult time when they shift from their active career into something else and feeling like you are nobody now. And that is not true. You now have a huge amount of things. You're not starting from scratch, you're starting from a place of wisdom and you've got these experiences that now you can move forward and—just pushing, repeating. I've seen some of this in a few other athletes—really top level athletes, who I've had conversations with and they've said to me, privately, 'I don't want to be doing this anymore. But I don't know who I am if I'm not doing this'. And that's not a good place to be.
It's time to do something different. We've got a short life, we want to do some—we can move on without feeling like we're losing ourselves. It's as surprising that as a change in the transition. Does that make sense?
Tiffanee: Yes, I love that you asked this question because in my early podcast, I've tried—a couple of times attempted approaching this question. But I felt like I hadn't quite landed where I wanted it to with the people. So my question, because boxing is one... Because of my experience when I say boxers, when I walk into a boxing ring and somebody walks into the boxing club, especially a female. Through the first fight, we got to know everybody so you know everyone that you're training with. And I remember saying—I hadn't said this before—I remember saying in the early days, to like my parents, 'I'm the only one there without a story. Ah, people have had marriage breakdowns, oh they're on drugs, oh they've got this, oh they've got that. They've got this big story and I'm just there like, this is me little not—no self-awareness me going'. Obviously I have a great time because I'm awesome. You know, like, did I not know what wa