Pillow Talks

Want to hear some of the craziest things that have ever happened to our community in the middle of sex? We asked you guys to share your most hysterical and mortifying stories, and wow did you deliver! We may be serious about sex education, but we also think there’s a lot of humor to find in all the awkward mishaps! We choose not to shrink in shame, especially if it makes for a great story! So if you’re looking for a good belly laugh or just want to delight in some cautionary tales, buckle up, because these are the cream of the crop. If you love these as much as we do, let us know. And maybe you’ve got one good enough to make the cut for part 2? If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode110 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you frustrated by how sex gets initiated in your relationship? Does the way your partner initiates feel boring, frustrating, or annoying? Do you find yourself feeling too self-conscious or awkward to initiate? If so, you’re not alone! We polled our audience, and only 17% of people were happy with the state of initiation with their partners. Shocked by those initial findings, we decided to dig even deeper with an in-depth survey. Over 10,000 people responded! In this episode, we break down the fascinating results. Who initiates most often? Who gets turned down most often? Does having kids affect initiation? Bad initiation sucks in the moment, but it goes even deeper than that. You might find yourself asking, “Is it me? Does my partner still find me attractive? Do they not think I’m worth the effort anymore?” You may find yourself losing attraction for your partner, or desiring sex less. You might wind up arguing, going cold, or questioning your compatibility. This is a big issue in relationships, and it’s crucial that we solve it! Links & Resources: Guide: The Art Of Initiation (http://vmtherapy.com/initiation/) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow (http://DipseaStories.com/pillow). Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode109. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Real talk - are you faking orgasms? There are so many understandable reasons why you may have started faking. Maybe you were trying to protect your partner’s ego, or trying to make it seem like there was good chemistry between the two of you. Maybe you were worried about taking too long to orgasm, or maybe you‘d never had one so you didn’t even know how you were supposed to get there with your partner. But what do you do if you’re now in the situation where you’ve been faking for so long that you don’t know how to get yourself out of the hole? We have good news and better news. First, you’re not broken and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. And we have three options for how to stop faking and start having the orgasms that you deserve! Because life’s too short to fake your way through sex. Links & Resources: Guide: Ultimate Foreplay Guides (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/) Guide: Next Level Intercourse (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/next-level-intercourse/) Guide: Sexual Mastery Package (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/sexual-mastery-package/) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Athletic Greens. Go to athleticgreens.com/pillow (http://athleticgreens.com/pillow) to get a FREE 1-year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode108. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, we’re dedicating an entire episode to our queer community! Inclusivity is one of our core company values, and while we try to make all of our content as inclusive as possible, we wanted to highlight and celebrate our queer community in this special episode. It was important to us to center the queer experience, so we asked our queer community members to share questions they would love to ask to other queer people. We got questions like: Best tips for navigating the coming out process? How do I honor my bisexuality in a straight-facing relationship? How do I navigate being queer but not feeling "queer enough"? It was beautiful to witness our audience spread love and compassion to one another. (And to be honest, most of it’s good advice for ANY relationship, because love is love, no matter the gender or orientation.) So this episode is really a love letter from us, giving a voice to a group of people so often overlooked when it comes to content about love and relationships. We see you, we honor you, and we hope you leave this episode knowing you deserve happiness, you deserve to be comfortable in your own skin, and you are enough. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Go to GreenChef.com/pillow60 (http://GreenChef.com/pillow60) and use code pillow60 to get 60% off plus free shipping. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode107 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In over 100 episodes of Pillow Talks, we’ve never had a guest. But we broke the mold to bring on Tracy O’Malley, and after hearing this episode, we think you’ll understand why. Tracy is a phenomenal Enneagram expert who helps you understand how your personality type affects how you show up in life and love. We thought it would be fun to do a couples session with Tracy, and we gave her full permission to share our strengths and challenges with you. We were absolutely blown away - like jaws on the floor - by how accurately she described our relationship. She explained how our Enneagram types (5 and 7) work in a relationship, the ways we’re accidentally driving each other nuts, and how we can show each other more grace. And she even provided tons of guidance for how people of any type can use the Enneagram to improve their relationships. (Just wait until you hear her tip about our younger selves...) Whether you’re an Enneagram newbie or pro, or if you just want an intimate peek into the inner workings of our relationship, this episode is a must-listen! Click here (https://www.tracyomalley.com/) and use code PILLOW to access Tracy O’Malley’s Enneagram Type Blueprint for 5% off! If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow (http://DipseaStories.com/pillow). Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow (http://Zocdoc.com/pillow) and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode106 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Get ready for the highly anticipated sequel to one of our most popular episodes yet! Back in Episode 91 we asked the age-old question, “Is This Normal?” We're back to deliver another round of jaw-dropping, mind-boggling, and side-splitting revelations in our second installment. You’ll get answers to questions like: Is it normal to resent my husband after having a baby? Is it normal that I started masturbating at age five? Is it normal for a man to need assistance to get hard? Is it normal being bored AF with partnered sex? And so much more! Prepare to laugh, cringe, and nod your head in recognition as we address your questions head-on! Links & Resources: Guide: Next Level Intercourse (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/next-level-intercourse/) Guide: Rediscovering Desire (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/rediscovering-desire/) Guide: Mental Load Workbook (https://vmtherapy.thrivecart.com/mental-load-workbook/) Guide: Ultimate Foreplay Guides (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/) Our Book: Sex Talks (https://sextalksbook.com/) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (http://CozyEarth.com) and get up to 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at StoryWorth.com/PILLOW (http://StoryWorth.com/PILLOW). Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode105 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Friends, followers, and first-time listeners, gather 'round for a podcast episode like no other! Get ready to dive into our New York Times instant best-selling book, Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life. With special permission from our publisher Simon & Schuster, we’re able to share the entire first chapter of the audiobook with you! The first chapter is a special one. After listening, you’ll understand why sex starts to feel so complicated in long-term relationships. You’ll no longer feel alone or scared about the future of your relationship. (So many people have told us they were in tears in the first few pages.) And you’ll feel inspired and excited to have these five Sex Talks with your partner! Links & Resources: Our Book: Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life (https://sextalksbook.com/) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (http://CozyEarth.com) and get up to 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Thanks Athletic Greens. Go to athleticgreens.com/pillow (http://athleticgreens.com/pillow) to get a FREE 1-year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode104 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Our “What Do Men Really Think About” episodes were so popular that we knew we just had to do an episode about what women are really thinking! So we asked our Instagram community to give us topics they’ve always been curious about, and we turned those questions into polls that we asked women to answer. This week, we’re sharing what women really think about topics like penis performance issues, masturbation, penis size, period sex (wait until you hear Xander’s story about his college girlfriend), and so much more! Links & Resources: Guide: Modern Man’s Guide (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/modern-mans-guide/) Guide: Foreplay Guides (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/) Guide: 👉 ⁠Butt Stuff 🍑 (only available inside of DEEPER) Bundle: Sexual Mastery Package (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/sexual-mastery-package/) (Foreplay Guides — Vulva and Penis Editions, Next Level Intercourse, Butt Stuff, Dirty Talk 101) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow (http://DipseaStories.com/pillow) . Go to GreenChef.com/pillow60 (http://GreenChef.com/pillow60) and use code pillow60 to get 60% off plus free shipping. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode103. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You wanna go another round? Because we DEFINITELY do! It’s time for part 2 of Smash Or Pass, our series where we try out the internet’s weirdest sex tips. This time it’s all about intercourse. If you haven’t listened to the first one (episode 97), make sure you head over there after this episode. We thought we went as far out of the box as we’d ever go in that first episode, but we were wrong. Let’s just say that in this episode, we go to new heights of what we’re willing to do on air for you! Tune in to hear our hot takes on these intercourse tips, the most disastrous tip we’ve ever heard, and which ones were actually Pillow Talks Approved. Links & Resources: Guide: The Ultimate Foreplay Guides (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/) Guide: Next Level Intercourse (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/next-level-intercourse/) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow (http://Zocdoc.com/pillow) and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (http://CozyEarth.com) and get up to 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode102 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever looked at your partner and thought to yourself, “I love you, but I don’t like you right now”? Don’t worry, it happens to the best of us! We’ve been dying to do an episode about the topic, but when we polled our audience on IG, it quickly became obvious that this needed to be a series, not just a single episode. So this week, we’re focusing on one of the most frequent complaints - gaming. 40% of our Instagram community said gaming is hurting their relationship. The gamers are feeling dismissed and misunderstood, and the partners are feeling lonely and unprioritized. In this episode, we’ll teach you how to both be accountable for your wants and needs, how to avoid common pitfalls, and even reveal the 3 things that gamers wish you knew as a non-gamer. Whether you’re listening together or solo, we hope you take some notes to help you get on the same page, because no hobby should come in between you and your partner. Head on over to our Instagram afterwards and tell us what you found most helpful, and also, let us know what you’d like to see as the next topic in the series! Links & Resources: Guide: Mental Load Workbook (https://vmtherapy.thrivecart.com/mental-load-workbook/) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at StoryWorth.com/PILLOW (http://StoryWorth.com/PILLOW) Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode101 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Can you believe this is our 100th episode??? We knew we had to do something super special to commemorate the occasion, so we decided to play “Know Ya Boo” (bonus points if you get the Parks and Rec reference). You guys gave us 50 questions, and our job was to guess each other’s answers. The results had us in stitches from start to finish. There’s even one answer that we had to censor. Make sure you listen all the way through to get the scoop on which one of us comes out on top. (Let’s just say Vanessa got a little too excited to turn it into a competition!) Afterwards, you can play our version of Know Ya Boo with your partner. DM us with how it went, and if you beat our scores! In all seriousness though, doing 100 episode of Pillow Talks has been an honor and a joy. Thank you for coming along for the ride with us! Links & Resources: Guide: The Ultimate Foreplay Guides (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/) Guide: Next Level Intercourse (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/next-level-intercourse/) Guide: Sexual Bucket List (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/sexual-bucket-list/) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow (http://DipseaStories.com/pillow). Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode100 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you heard of The Bristle Reaction? We recently made a TikTok about this term that Vanessa created, and 8 million people watched! The Bristle Reaction is when your partner comes in for a hug or a kiss, and you feel yourself recoil. No matter how much you love your partner, there are times when their touch can immediately create a sense of tension. We polled our Instagram audience and found out 84% of people have experienced The Bristle Reaction. Even though it’s so common, most people have no idea what to do about it. In fact, that’s been the main comment on our viral TikTok: “How do we fix it?” So strap in, because we’ve got what you need! We go through the 3 major reasons why The Bristle Reaction happens, and 6 ways to overcome it. If you’re ready to start enjoying your partner’s touch again, this episode is a must-listen! Links & Resources: Our Book: Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life (https://sextalksbook.com/) Guide: Initiation 101 (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/initiation101/) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Go to GreenChef.com/pillow60 (http://GreenChef.com/pillow60) and use code pillow60 to get 60% off plus free shipping. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode99 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It’s time to talk about Dead Bedrooms. Does your sex life feel like a ghost of what it used to be? Has it felt that way so long that you don’t know if it will ever recover? Are you grappling with feelings of isolation, loneliness, shame, and/or hopeless? First of all, please know that you’re not alone. When we reached out to our Instagram audience asking people to share their stories of Dead Bedrooms, we were completely overwhelmed by the number of responses. There are so many couples feeling weighed down by not just the loss of their sex life, but their intimacy altogether. Their stories were so layered that “it’s complicated” doesn’t even begin to describe what’s been going on. So let’s talk about what it’s like to live with a Dead Bedroom and what you can do about it. We sifted through all the stories our community members sent in, and picked one to dissect live in this episode. You’ll get an intimate peek at what’s really going on in another couple’s bedroom. We’ll give you plenty of resources for navigating the pain and frustration, tips for getting the conversation going, and advice on navigating common pitfalls. A Dead Bedroom only stays that way if you let it; we’re here to help you resuscitate it! Links & Resources: Guide: Milfs, Dilfs, Pilfs (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/pilfs/) Guide: Foreplay Guides (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/) Guide: Next Level Intercourse (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/next-level-intercourse/) Our Book: Sex Talks (https://sextalksbook.com/) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Go to zocdoc.com/pillow (http://zocdoc.com/pillow) and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode98 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We’ve all seen the articles from cheesy women’s magazines (and TikTok)…“10 foolproof ways to drive your man wild in bed!” But so many of the tips just sound weird. (Slipping a donut over his penis? Really?) There’s a never-ending supply of suggestions to supposedly turn up the heat in the bedroom, but do any of them actually work?? We asked our Instagram audience to share the sex tips they’ve always been curious about, and decided to be the guinea pigs for you! Along with some hilarious sex mishaps and admitting which ones made us run screaming, you’re gonna get the scoop on which sex tips are worth a try and which ones were truly just doomed from the start. You’ll even get to hear our actual voice memos from our experiments. Gulp. It was truly a wild ride, but since we’re doing this in the name of science, we also give you a cheat code or two on how to turn what sounds like a click-bait nightmare into a little trick to keep up your sleeve when you’re feeling like mixing it up. Links & Resources: Guide: The Foreplay Guides (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow (http://dipseastories.com/pillow). Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode97 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you and your partner go to bed at the same time? In the same bed? In the same ROOM? It’s easy to get stuck in the stereotypes of what a couple “should” be doing, and what it means if you and your partner have unconventional sleep habits. After polling our Instagram audience, we found that many of you are worried that “different” is spelled t-r-o-u-b-l-e, so in this grab bag episode, we address a collection of sleep-related topics that we hope will put your minds at ease. We’ll tell you all about the choices we’ve made about bed times, bed arrangements, to cuddle or not to cuddle, and what to do with the dogs when it’s time for lights out. Now, we couldn’t talk about sleep habits without talking about the ever-popular subject of sex dreams, so don’t miss out on the hilarious revelations of what really gets our subconscious motors running and how we feel about not always co-starring in each other’s fantasies. (Heads up: At the very end of the episode, we define sexsomnia, how it can be a game-changer, and how it can bring up tricky issues around consent.) Links & Resources: YouTube Video: What Does It Mean If I Have A Sex Dream? (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-Ux8UMSiMg/) Our Instagram: Vanessa + Xander (https://www.instagram.com/vanessaandxander/) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode96 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Mental Load sucks. But are you accidentally making it even harder? We originally talked about Mental Load way back in episode 4, and in today’s episode, we’re going to zone in on two nuances that can make or break your attempts to balance your partnership: perfectionism and male Mental Load. Do you have a specific way that you like tasks to be done around the house? Maybe you find yourself feeling frustrated at your partner because they never do things the way you would do them. Or you get upset when they try to “help” because they bombard you with so many questions that you end up just doing it yourself? Perfectionism is hard enough to deal with on its own, but when you combine it with Mental Load, it’s a recipe for disaster and resentment. Or maybe you’ve tried to talk to your partner about your Mental Load, but now you find yourselves in a competition about who is carrying more. You could list all the things you do for the house, for him, for the kids, but what would he have on his list? We asked the men in our community to talk about their Mental Load, and some of their answers may surprise you! (One answer was shocking enough that you’ll get to hear first-hand how to navigate a Mental Load conversation when your male partner carries a Load that’s invisible to you.) Men may not always know how to put into words what they carry, but the weight is still there, and it’s throwing off the scales of your partnership. Let us guide you through the minefield of gender roles, socialization, and the burden of perfectionism in this second edition of Mental Load. Grab your partner or play it loud enough for them to hear it in the other room, because this is the one episode your relationship can’t afford to miss! Links & Resources: Guide: Mental Load Workbook (https://vmtherapy.thrivecart.com/mental-load-workbook/) Podcast Episode Callback: Mental Load: What It Is and How to Stop It from Destroying Your Relationship (https://vmtherapy.com/episode4/) Podcast Episode Callback: Fine, I’ll Just Do It Myself: The Danger of Weaponized Incompetence (https://vmtherapy.com/episode35) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode95 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to Pillow Talks! Is this your first time listening to our podcast? Maybe you bought our book Sex Talks and you’re just starting to dig into our episodes. Or maybe you’ve been listening for a while, but still don’t really know our story. Whatever the case may be, we’re so glad to have you and can’t wait to tell you a little more about who we are and what we do! It seems like a good time for a reintroduction into our backstory and all the content we have to offer. Ever wonder how a sex therapist and a regular dude partnered up to change to world one orgasm at a time? We’ll go into all of that and more in this episode, as we talk about building our brand on IG, spilling our secrets on the podcast, and changing as many relationships as possible with our classes and guides. So whether it’s your first time or your 50th, take a listen as we stroll down memory lane and share some great advice from the OG’s that have been here with us from the beginning. We promise, it’s gonna get weird! Links & Resources: Our #1 recommended guide : The Foreplay Guides (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/) Our most comprehensive course: Better, Hotter, More (https://bhm.vmtherapy.com/) All our courses: The Courses Page (https://vmtherapy.com/courses/) Our book: Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life (https://vmtherapy.com/sex-talks/) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Go to GreenChef.com/pillow60 (http://GreenChef.com/pillow60) and use code pillow60 to get 60% off plus free shipping. Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow (http://DipseaStories.com/pillow). Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode94 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ready for the most epic game of Would You Rather? We’ve done Would You Rather on Instagram a few times, and it was such a hit that we decided to bring it to the podcast. We asked you for your best Would You Rather questions, and sat down to play without discussing our answers beforehand. You’ll get to hear our genuine reactions and honest responses as we giggle our way through the submissions you’ve sent in. Stay tuned to the end to hear our immediate buyer’s remorse that sent us over the edge. Spoiler alert: Would You Rather is a silly game, but it’s also a sneaky and effective way to start genuinely useful conversations with your partner! Would you rather listen to a sex therapist and a regular dude dig into some thought (and laughter) provoking questions, OR miss out on the funniest hour of your life? Links & Resources: Our Book: Sex Talks (https://vmtherapy.com/sex-talks/) Guide: Next Level Intercourse (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/next-level-intercourse/) Past Episode: Episode 83 How To Fight Fair In A Relationship: Breaking Down A Listener Argument (https://vmtherapy.com/episode83) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks RocketMoney.com/pillow. (http://RocketMoney.com/pillow) Rocket Money could save you hundreds a year! Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow (http://Zocdoc.com/pillow) and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode93 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It’s official… Sex Talks is a New York Times INSTANT Bestseller! But to be totally up front with you, the process of getting here has been pretty wild. There have been SO many surprises, frustrations, and downright heartbreaks. So we decided to pull back the curtain and get brutally honest about this journey has really been like. We’ve been keeping a secret journal of all of the ups and downs of the last few months. Stories we couldn’t tell you here or on Instagram. Stories we’re finally able and ready to reveal. So pull up a seat and sip your tea while we spill all of ours! Links & Resources: Our Book: Sex Talks (https://sextalksbook.com/) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode92 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever had a question that you were too embarrassed to even Google? You know, the kinda stuff that you don’t even talk about with your best friend. The stuff that makes you ask, “Is this normal?” Well we have, and that’s why we decided to make an episode covering all the topics you can’t ask anywhere else. We asked you for your most embarrassing questions, then polled them all on Instagram. We collected enough evidence to prove, definitively, that no matter how you feel about any of these topics, you are certainly not alone! Tune in to hear us reveal some surprising outcomes, some hysterical hot takes, and the truth about what it means to be “normal”. Links & Resources: 👉 ⁠⁠⁠Butt Stuff 🍑 (only available inside of DEEPER)⁠⁠ Guide: A Year of Creative Dates Masterclass: How To Know What You Want In the Bedroom YouTube: Is Your Vulva Normal Podcast Episode 48: How To Get Out Of (And Prevent) Dry Spells Podcast Episode 49: The Truth About Squirting (And Why Men Are Obsessed With It) Podcast Episode 43: How to STOP Getting Distracted During Sex! Podcast Episode 44: How To Get Your Partner To Open Up If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode91 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Is it OK if you and your partner keep finding yourselves coming back to the missionary position during sex? Does that make your relationship - gasp! - vanilla? Missionary often gets judged as being boring, predictable, or beginner, and a lot of us feel embarrassed to admit that we like it. Well, take it from a sex therapist… vanilla is popular for a reason. Missionary can be wildly intimate, erotic, and even kinky when it’s done right. In this episode, we show you all the different ways to spice up Missionary. You don’t have to step outside of the box every night to have a smoking hot sex life; just a few tweaks can majorly turn up the heat! Links & Resources: Next Level Intercourse Dirty Talk Episode 53: How To Spice It Up In the Bedroom: Exploring Kink For Beginners If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Go to GreenChef.com/pillow60 and use code pillow60 to get 60% off plus free shipping. Thanks RocketMoney.com/pillow. RocketMoney could save you hundreds a year! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode90 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you want more intimacy in relationship? If your answer was, “Yes, but HOW?”, then you’re in the right place! We’ve been together for 15 years and know from personal experience how a relationship can ebb and flow right into a rut. You’re too tired, too overwhelmed, too embarrassed by how stale things have gotten, and you find yourself in the land of stagnation. Good thing we’ve come up with the cheat code! Whether you’re looking for more emotional or physical intimacy, or BOTH, we have you covered. This episode is jam packed with tips for rekindling the connection, how to get your partner on board with creating more intimacy, and even some real-life feedback from couples who have used our advice to find their way back to each other. Links & Resources: Our Book: Sex Talks (available for preorder until Feb 7th) Challenge: Intimate or Nasty (Preorders get $30 off this challenge) Free Guide: How To Get Your Partner On Board For Intimate Or Nasty If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks ZocDoc. Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode89 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When we revealed in Episode 37 that we’re child free by choice, it became the most popular episode in Pillow Talks’ history, hands down. Talking about it publicly was challenging, emotional, and the most intimate we’ve ever been with our audience… until now. After listening to the episode, so many of you reached out to share that you’re struggling with whether or not to have kids. You’re having a hard time identifying your own desires under all the layers of pressure and expectation. In this episode, you’ll find a roadmap to guide you through this weighty, personal decision process, along with some great advice from those in our audience who have been on either side of the fence. Whichever way you go, we’re here to help make sure it’s the right choice for YOU. Links & Resources: Sex Talks Episode 37 - The Truth About Why We’re Child Free If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow. Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get 35% off site wide when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode88 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you’ve been following us for a bit, you probably know that we have a book, Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life, coming out February 7th with Simon & Schuster. We’re so excited for you to get your hands on this book, and bring more connection, pleasure, and fun into the bedroom! But do you want to know the real story behind the book? In this episode, we’re pulling back the curtains on what it really means to write a book, get it published, and then get it to your audience. There were moments that shocked us, some that terrified us, and some that completely changed the way we see our business. Join us as we break down the numbers, lay out the timeline, and explain just how much of a village it truly takes to publish a book. By the time you finish with this episode, there won’t be anything left to do but click the link to preorder! Links & Resources: Sex Talks If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks RocketMoney.com/pillow. RocketMoney could save you hundreds a year! Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get 35% off sitewide when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode87 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It’s time for another one of your favorite episodes - Ask Us Anything! This time, let’s skip the business questions and keep it personal. We asked you to send in the questions you’ve been dying to know, and you delivered! Religion? Sex position burnout? The ways we still embarrass ourselves with each other? You bet! We cover it all and more, so make yourself comfortable and feel free to giggle along as we reveal all sorts of things for the sake of the podcast. We hope these topics (and our sometimes controversial answers) start some conversations that you never knew you needed to have! Links & Resources: Sex Talks Dirty Talk Initiation 101 If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks RocketMoney.com/pillow. RocketMoney could save you hundreds a year! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode86 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What makes a person sexy? We all want to be sexy, but most of us don’t feel that way very often (or at all). It can be hard to see yourself as sexy after long hours at work, taking care of kids, or watching your body change over the years. Even worse, we don’t know how to change that, because we don’t know what “sexy” even means! Google certainly isn’t helpful. What the heck are we supposed to do? Listen to this episode, that’s what! We want you to feel sexy and confident on a regular basis. In this episode, we teach you how to identify and create your own definition of sexy, so you can make 2023 your sexiest year yet. Links & Resources: Sex Talks The Foreplay Guides Next Level Intercourse Episode 4: Mental Load: What It Is and How to Stop It from Destroying Your Relationship Episode 12: How To Let Your Partner Love Your Body – Even If You Don’t Episode 65: How To Overcome Sexual Shame With Our 7-Step Process If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Go to GreenChef.com/pillow60 and use code pillow60 to get 60% off plus free shipping. Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode85 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What a year 2022 has been!!! In 52 episodes, we’ve gotten more vulnerable than we’ve ever dared, tackled the topics we never thought would see the light of day, and busted more myths than we thought possible - and loved EVERY minute of it! So we thought it’d be a blast to count down our top 10 moments from Pillow Talks this year. Take a listen and see if your favorites made the cut! Revisit the times we laughed so hard we couldn’t breathe, the crazy things we still can’t believe came out of our mouths (much less put on the air), and the a-ha moments that changed everything. We can’t thank you enough for the support and the community we’ve built, one orgasm at a time. From us to you, Happy New Year! Links & Resources: Sex Talks Book Preorder If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode84 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Be honest - if you look back at your last fight with your partner, are you happy with how it went? Was there anything you wish that you had said differently? Or would take back Maybe you were feeling defensive, a little misunderstood, or just plain hurt! It would be nice if there was a referee to throw a flag or call time out when we cross the line in an argument. We reached out to our Instagram audience and found a couple willing to share a fight that they recently experienced. In this episode, we go through their text fight line by line, calling out what worked, what didn’t, and different choices they could have made to communicate more effectively. You’ll get a sneak peek at the kinds of fights other couples really have, while learning how to manage relationship conflict in a healthier way. Learning how to fight fair can be a process, but with some practice, you can turn those moments of tension into opportunities for growth and connection. Links & Resources: Mental Load Workbook If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode83 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On December 15th, 2007, a tired girl got dragged to a Christmas party and met a DJ with a heart of gold, and the rest is history. Here we are 15 years later, married and running a sex and relationship business, reflecting back over what it took to get us here. In this special episode, we celebrate our anniversary by sharing on the lessons we’ve taught each other, the revelations we’ve stumbled upon, and what we’ve had to learn the hard way. Join us as we take a walk down memory lane, share some laughs, get sentimental, and get, as always, just a little bit naughty. Stay tuned all the way to the end for some bonus lessons from the only people who talk about our relationship as much as we do. Links & Resources: Sex Talks Book If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at StoryWorth.com/pillow Check out the show notes (and see the infamous freak dancing photo) at vmtherapy.com/episode82 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It’s (supposed to be) the most wonderful time of the year! The time we get together with our loved ones and celebrate each other with presents, food, and quality time. But what happens when we start to see cracks in the perfect holiday picture we had in our mind? You and your partner start to bicker over budgets. Or maybe your mom’s disappointed that you’re going to your in-law’s this year. Or you’re just feeling like an enormous grinch this year. The truth is that the holidays are an incredibly stressful time, and many of us get swept up by inflexible family traditions, present-giving politics, and socialized gender roles. So we’re here to help you navigate the holidays with ease and grace. There’s a lot of laughter, tons of compassion (because BOY have we had our own holiday disasters!), and as always our very best advice, all so you can have the tough conversations without losing the holiday spirit. Links & Resources: Episode 4 : Mental Load: What It Is and How to Stop It from Destroying Your Relationship Episode 27 : Your In-Law Holiday Survival Guide Episode 30 : Sex With Other People…Around Mental Load Workbook A Sex Therapist Explains: What Is The “F**k First” Rule? If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Go to GreenChef.com/pillow599 and use code pillow599 to get $5.99 per meal on your 1st box — and your 1st box ships free! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode81 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ever wondered why the man in your life is so emotionally reserved? Ever been frustrated by how unwilling he seems to be to talk about his feelings? You try to work though an issue in your relationship, but he’s stone-faced and tight-lipped, with nothing to add to the conversation. Or worse, after holding all the feelings in for so long, he has a huge overreaction of epic proportions that leaves you both wondering, “What the hell was that?” You’re not the only one who wishes things would change. We asked the men of our Instagram audience if they wish they could be more emotionally intelligent, and 74% said yes. In this episode, we explain why emotional intelligence remains so elusive for men and what can be done about it. Xander shares some of the emotional skeletons in his closet, how he was able to develop a healthier relationship with his emotions, and how other men can too. If you’ve never listened to an episode of Pillow Talks together, this is the one! Links & Resources: Pillow Talks Episode 75: Am I Being Unreasonable? If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode80 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Need a good laugh today? Everyone knows how stressful the holiday season can be, so if you need to lighten the mood or just chase away the cold weather blues, you’re in the right place. We crowdsourced anonymous sex confessions from our Instagram audience, and cherry-picked the very best ones to share in this revealing, hilarious, and sometimes shocking episode. Get ready for outdoor sex hijinks, dating app mishaps, on-the-job orgies, the trouble with technology, and more mayhem involving mothers than you ever wanted to know. So throw it on while you road trip to see the fam. Let it play while prepping your pies. Just make sure no one’s asleep in the house, because the “lol” is real this time. Links & Resources: Foreplay Guides Next Level Intercourse What Does It Mean If I Have A Sex Dream? - YouTube Bisexual In A Straight Relationship - YouTube You can go to JULIECARE.CO to learn more or find Julie at your nearest Walmart today. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode79 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Initiation is SUPPOSED to feel sexy and enticing. When we see it on TV, it always looks so easy. One partner looks at the other from across the room, you can see in their eyes how much they want each other, one partner presses the other up against the wall and it’s game on! But for so many of us, initiation feels more like an annoyance than a seduction. We polled our audience on Instagram and discovered that at least half of our audience regularly gets frustrated by their partner’s initiation tactics. Initiation can be tricky because emotions can run high for both partners for very different reasons. One partner could be trying to feel connected, while the other is balancing cooking dinner, kids schedules, unreturned emails, and just not being in that headspace. Or maybe your partner waits to initiate until the 11th hour, when you’re desperate for sleep after a long day. In this episode, we examine both sides of failed initiation attempts. We share real life examples of some traps that we’ve personally fallen into along the way. And, most importantly, we offer simple solutions for both initiator and the exasperated partner. This is a fantastic episode to listen to with your partner - or to play loudly from the other room when they’re around! Links & Resources: Bring Your Sex Life Back To Life Initiation 101 Foreplay Guides Next Level Intercourse Better, Hotter, More Mental Load Workbook Sex Drive Types Episode 38: You Want Connection, Your Partner Wants Sex. Who Comes First? Episode 73: Do You Ever “Owe” Sex To Your Partner? If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at StoryWorth.com/pillow Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode74 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There are few things in life we’re more passionate about than orgasms! We want you to understand them, have them, give them, and enjoy them! With so much misinformation out there, it can be tricky to separate fact from fiction. So we decided to create The Orgasm Episode, vulva owner edition! We polled our Instagram audience for all the orgasm questions you want answered. We talk about everything from questions about clitoris size to squirting to wet dreams. Wanna know how to even identify an orgasm? Have you ever asked yourself why it seems so much easier for penis owners? We cover these hot topics and more as we dish the honest-to-goodness truth about the big O, and give you resources to help on your journey. And if you stick around to the very end, you’ll even get the answer to one of our more controversial questions - “Does Vanessa have an orgasm EVERY time she has sex?”. Links & Resources: Episode 11: How Vanessa Turned Her Orgasm Struggles Into A Sex Therapy Business! Episode 49: The Truth About Squirting (And Why Men Are Obsessed With It) Finishing School If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks, Green Chef! Go to GreenChef.com/60pillow and use code 60pillow to get 60% off, plus 20% off your next 2 months Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode77 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you want a higher sex drive? Bet you said, “yes!” without thinking twice. 74% of our Instagram audience did. Most of us feel self-conscious about how rarely we desire sex, and believe that we’re supposed to have a stronger libido. But if you’re really honest with yourself, do you truly want more desire? Only 8% of our Instagram audience said they’d do whatever it takes to have a higher sex drive. And we’ve found that whenever we offer sex drive resources to our community, very few people actually use them. (This episode contains a fascinating sneak peek at one of the biggest flops in our business!) So what’s going on here? In this episode, we dive deep into the sex drive disconnect so many of us are struggling with. We’ll bust some of the biggest - and most damaging - sex drive myths, and give you the honest truth about libido. You’ll walk away with a deeper understanding of what you truly want, and a clear path on how to get there. Links & Resources: Rediscovering Desire Sex Drive Types Foreplay Guides Next Level Intercourse Butt Stuff Better, Hotter, More Episode 73: Do You Ever Owe Sex To Your Partner Survivor’s Guide If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! You can go to JULIECARE.CO to learn more or find Julie at your nearest Walmart today. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode76 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You love your partner, for better or worse, but there’s just that THING that gets under your skin. Maybe it’s something they say all the time, maybe it’s a bad habit that they refuse to address, or something bigger like house duties. Whatever it is, you just can’t seem to “get over it” and you have found yourself wondering, “Am I being unreasonable?” We reached out to our Instagram audience for their biggest pet peeves and frustrations, and damn did you guys have some good ones! In this episode, we’ll help you uncover possible missing perspectives, give advice on how to move forward, and even validate some the worries because spoiler alert: so many of these are not as unreasonable as you would think! Links & Resources: Episode 46: The Hygiene Episode: What To Do If Your Partner Isn’t Taking Care Of Themselves Mental Load Workbook If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode75 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You come home after a long day, you see your partner, but you don’t say anything more than “hi” to each other. Something hilarious happened at lunch, but you don’t see the point in sharing it with your partner. You sit down to dinner, but have nothing to say to one another. You find yourself thinking, “How did this happen? Is this normal? This can’t be what a relationship is supposed to be like…” Well guess what? Not only has 90% of our Instagram audience admitted to growing apart in a relationship, but 1 in 3 of them are going through it right now. Growing apart is so scary. You can’t understand how this happened, especially because you used to be so close. You wonder if you’ve already drifted too far to fix it. You’re afraid of the possibility of breaking up. If you’ve ever found yourself feeling more alone with your partner than without, or if you miss them even when they are right next to you, then you HAVE to listen to this episode. Links and Resources: Check out our 30 Day Connection Challenge at Connection Challenge Episode 38: You Want Connection, Your Partner Wants Sex. Who Comes First? If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode74 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever had your partner initiate sex and thought to yourself, “I should probably just do it because I’ve said ‘no’ so much”? Or has your partner been the one reminding you of your track record of responses? Or maybe you’re the one wishing your partner would say “yes” a whole lot more often. Spoiler alert: You should never feel pressured (or pressure yourself) to do something you don’t want to do with your own body. But this issue can get surprisingly complex. Intimacy is one of the foundations of a relationship, and it’s understandable for partners to have needs. How can we honor what our partner wants, while also staying true to ourself and our boundaries? Let us walk you through how to identify the real issue in all this gray area and some simple ways to tackle this touchy subject. Links & Resources: Sex Drive Type Initiation 101 Secret Libido (Sex Drive) Killers Podcast Episode 38: You Want Connection, Your Partner Wants Sex. Who Comes First? If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS You can go to JULIECARE.CO to learn more or find Julie at your nearest Walmart today. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode73 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever been having intercourse and thought to yourself, “Oh, this hurts, and not in a good way…”? Research shows that a whopping 1 in 3 vulva owners said this happened to them the LAST time that they had intercourse. But sexual pain is something that is rarely discussed, leaving so many to suffer in silence. Nobody deserves to feel pain during sex. While the source can be complicated, sometimes a few simple tweaks can make all the difference. Let us walk you though what you may be overlooking, so we can take you from groaning in pain to moaning in pleasure. Links & Resources: Be sure to pre-order our new book, Sex Talks, by going to sextalksbook.com Guide: The Ultimate Foreplay Guides Guide: Next Level Intercourse If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at StoryWorth.com/pillow Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode72 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You saw the question box. You dug deep and swung for the fences. Now buckle up, because it is our turn at bat and we are gonna get SPICY in this episode! That’s right, it’s time for “Ask Us Anything”- extra spicy edition 🔥 On Instagram we asked you to challenge us with your most personal questions, and boy did you deliver! Our team gave us a list of questions, and we sat down to record without discussing any of our answers first. We really go there, deep diving into our dating history, favorite positions, fantasies, burst ear drums, and more. It’s a roller coaster of emotions as we get vulnerable, admit some hard truths, and reveal some things we have never said to each other, much less on air. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode71 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Most couples believe that trying to get pregnant will be one of the sexiest, most intimate periods of their relationship. But if you don’t get pregnant right away, things can quickly take a turn - worrying that something is wrong, fear that it will never happen, the medical appointments, the pressure, the schedules… With all that stress, it’s no wonder that your sex life can really suffer while trying to conceive. Today we’re sharing 5 ways to protect your relationship during your TTC journey. It’s a heavy topic, but we’ll try to make you laugh along the way. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Get $400 off all mattress orders plus 2 free pillows at birchliving.com/pillow Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode70 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Xander is back in the hot seat today answering the tough questions... What do guys REALLY think about lingerie? Can they handle a woman who makes more money or has a higher sex drive? When it comes to breasts, do they care about size or symmetry? Nipple size or color? We also polled the men in our Instagram community so we could take an even deeper look at the male psyche. And we even talk about the two topics that have caused some serious issues in our relationship. Don’t miss the laughter, the deep dives, and return of Xander’s dulcet tones serenading the podcast! If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks, Green Chef! Go to GreenChef.com/60pillow and use code 60pillow to get 60% off, plus 20% off your next 2 months Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode69 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

No, you’re not having deja vu… Butt Stuff is back! We originally released a Butt Stuff episode almost a year ago, and it has consistently been one of our top 5 episodes. It has been so popular that we decided to turn it into a course… conveniently named Butt Stuff as well 🤣 In celebration, we decided to re-record a podcast episode with all of your most pressing questions. We cover everything in this episode! Hemorrhoids, hairy buttholes, safety, straight dudes being on the receiving end, and the one big fear that so many of us have… will there be poop?! We know there’s some fear and anxiety surrounding the back door, because 72% of our Instagram audience said they’re intimidated by butt stuff. But with 67% admitting to still being curious, we decided to bust those myths and give you the facts so you can decide if anal play is worth a try. (Pssst! It is!) Links & Resources: 👉 ⁠⁠Butt Stuff 🍑 (only available inside of DEEPER)⁠ If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode68 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Definition of hot take: a quickly produced, strongly worded, and often deliberately provocative or sensational opinion or reaction. You guys are always asking us for our “hot takes” on some of the most divisive sex topics like threesomes, strip clubs, pegging, 69, and even the age old spit vs swallow debate, so we decided to put them all together in one episode! We’re getting real and holding nothing back as we dish on over a dozen hot topics that you sent in. (Spoiler alert: we don’t agree on all of them!) Some of our answers may surprise you, but we promise you will be entertained. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode67 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You’ve asked us over email, Instagram, YouTube, everything short of a carrier pigeon… How the heck did we get into the sex therapy business? And do we manage working and living together every day as a married couple? The time has come for us to share all the details about our business, from how we started to where we are now. You’ll hear about it all… Vanessa floundering to figure out her path. Why we moved to Berlin. Xander’s identity crisis. Our most embarrassing moments, and plenty of business “fails.” We get vulnerable about the good, the bad, and the ugly of the journey that took us from corporate hell to living out our dreams together. And stick around to the end to be the first to hear what’s coming next! If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Get $400 off all mattress orders plus 2 free pillows at BirchLiving.com/pillow Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode66 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Let’s talk about the thing that keeps you up at night. The thing that you don’t bring up over drinks with friends. The thing that you don’t even admit to yourself if we are being honest. Let’s talk about the shame surrounding sex. Our Instagram audience tells us that 74% of us have experienced it in our lifetime, with 30% currently going through it. (But we’d bet real money that both of those numbers are much higher.) There are so many things that plague us when it comes to sex: body counts, sexual identities, doing things “the right way”, doing something too much or not enough or not at all. It’s EXHAUSTING, but it doesn’t have to be! Sex should be about pleasure and joy, freedom and exploration, certainly not about worry and regret. In this episode, we walk you through reprogramming the way you approach sex in your life, in 7 steps. Links & Resources: PDF Guide: 7 Steps to Deconstructing Sexual Shame If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Go to GreenChef.com/60pillow and use code 60pillow to get 60% off plus free shipping. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode65 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you worried you’ve lost the spark in your relationship? We asked our Instagram audience, and the numbers were shocking! A whopping 91% said their relationship has gone through a Roommates Phase, and 46% said they’re in one right now. So why does it seem like no one is talking about the Roommates Phase? In this episode we do a deep dive into what the Roommates Phase means, and how to get out of it before it’s too late. Let us help you end the drought and get back that lovin’ feelin’! (Psst - Xander even sings about it within the first four minutes of this episode…) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode64 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you ever find yourself feeling kinda… disappointed after intercourse with your partner? Or worse, faking it just to “get it over with”? Maybe you’ve tried talking to him about it and telling them you need more, but he got defensive and nothing changed. This episode has been a long time coming! We hear SO many stories from our audience about how men just don’t prioritize female pleasure as much as they should. There are a lot of reasons why there’s such a huge orgasm gap in male-female sex, so we break it down into 3 main categories, complete with real-life examples. (Including an example from our own relationship!) We firmly believe that everyone who wants an orgasm, gets an orgasm. This episode will take you through, step-by-step, exactly to make sure that happens! If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode63 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you sick of fighting about money in your relationship? Maybe you’ve even thought you and your partner are incompatible because of how differently you both think about spending and saving. Trust us, you’re not alone! This episode is for you if you feel like you need to keep purchases a secret. Or maybe you’re just exasperated by how much money your partner spends. We know how easily that tension and resentment can build. Today we’ll be addressing money issues within relationships advice column style — with real life stories and questions from our audience. As we help them troubleshoot, we’ll be giving easy to implement tips on approaching money issues in relationships. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode62 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you struggling to have a great sex life now that you’re a mom? As women, we wear so many hats and have so many identities. We’re wives, girlfriends, daughters, sisters, friends, and mothers. But what happens when these identities feel like they’re in conflict with one another? A whopping 91% of our Instagram followers said their sex life got harder after kids. We heard things like, “It’s hard to feel confident in my new body,” “Everyone always needs something, and I’m tired of giving,” and, “I’m just EXHAUSTED!” In this episode, we’re here to give you practical tips to creating the sex life you deserve! If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode61 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices