ESL Podcast 221 – Long-distance Relationships

#ESL Podcast 221 – Long-distance Relationships

##GLOSSARY

**bicoastal –** in two different places near the ocean, usually very far from each

other on the opposite sides of a large area of land

*Major magazines like Time and Newsweek have bicoastal offices, usually in

New York and California.

**long-distance relationship –** two people in a romantic relationship or dating

while living far away from each other

*One of the downsides to a long-distance relationship is the expensive phone

bill.

**to get out of –** to leave; to no longer be a part of something; to end

*I’ve been a member of this club for five years, but I need to get out of it because

it’s taking too much of my time.

**out of sight, out of mind –** a phrase that means if someone doesn’t see you,

then they aren’t thinking about you

*I write down everything I have to do in my calendar. If I don’t, I’ll never get

anything done since it’s always out of sight, out of mind with me.

**it’s not that –** this is not the reason; it’s not because of this

*I know that he didn’t eat anything at dinner, but it’s not that he didn’t like the

restaurant. He just wasn’t hungry.

**temptation –** something that makes you want to do something, usually

something wrong or harmful

*People who are on diets try to avoid temptations like chocolate and potato

chips.

**to be committed –** to be devoted; to feel loyal to someone or something

*Rachel shows how committed she is to her work by staying late to finish her

projects on time.

**vibe –** (slang) good or bad feelings given off by a person or thing; the

atmosphere of a place

*Leshon didn’t think he did a bad job painting the wall but he got a strong vibe

that his girlfriend wasn’t too happy with it.

**misunderstanding –** not understanding something correctly; when two or more

people have different feelings or beliefs about something

*To avoid any misunderstandings, the teacher told his students that he would

write all assignments on the board.

**to hurt (someone’s) feelings –** to make someone feel bad or sad; to insult

someone; to cause someone else to have negative emotions

*Not wanting to hurt her feelings, he said he liked the cake she had baked even

though it tasted like sand.

**to grow apart –** for two or more people to become not as close as they used to

be; to stop being as friendly or as familiar

*Only two months after Kendra left for her new job in Europe, she started to

notice that she and Hassan were growing apart.

**in common –** having interest in the same things; being similar in beliefs,

interests, or behavior

*The only thing they had in common was that neither of them liked the movie

Titanic.

**to call it quits –** to give up; to quit; to end something

*After 20 minutes of trying to program the new DVD player, Hide called it quits.

**to have it out with (someone) –** to let a person know of the things that’s

bothering you; to argue with someone

*Earlier that day, Catherine decided to have it out with her secretary by telling

him she’s not happy with the work he’s been doing.

**to deal with it –** to be okay with something; to handle a difficult situation

*It’s been a year since her husband died but she was still having problems

dealing with his death.

**to know where (one) stands –** to know what someone else is feeling or

thinking about a topic or issue; to know someone else’s opinion or belief

*My professor said to me, “Your paper is very good. It clearly shows where you

stand on the issue.”

##COMPREHENSION QUESTIONS

1. Where did Enrique meet Diana?

a) Florida

b) New York City

c) California

2. In this story, Enrique tells Emily that:

a) He wants to break up with Diana

b) He thinks that Diana is working too much

c) He and Diana are not as close as they used to be.

##WHAT ELSE DOES IT MEAN?

got out of

The phrase *“to get out of,”* in this podcast, means to no longer be a part of

something: “I got out of the project because I didn’t agree with the team leader’s

decisions.” This phrase also means to avoid doing something: “He got out of

doing the dishes by volunteering to cook dinner that night.” Or, “How can I get

out of going shopping all day with my wife?” This can also mean to leave or to

exit a place, such as a room: “She got out of the crowded room right after she

greeted the party’s hosts.” Or, “The audience was sure that the box was empty

but the magician’s assistant got out of it as though she had been there the entire

time.”

to be committed

In this podcast, the verb *“to be committed”* means to be devoted or dedicated to

something or someone: “She was committed to helping out her sister in any way

she can.” This can also be used to mean that someone is obligated to do

something: “Since Leslie invited him to the party, Leonard felt committed to go

and to bring a gift.” Or, “The governor said that he was committed to spending

more money on the poor and the sick in the state.” The verb to commit is also

used for doing wrong or bad things, such as a crime: “She told the police that

she had committed no crime but no one believed her.” Or, “It’s not clear whether

someone killed him or he killed himself by committing suicide.”

##CULTURE NOTE

Relationships are hard enough and long-distance ones are even more difficult.

Not seeing the person you love can be difficult and there are a lot of people who

feel that these types of relationships are *“doomed”* (certain to fail) from the start.

Many people believe that the biggest problem is *“jealousy”* or being suspicious

that the other person is not being faithful or is dating other people. But there are

others who believe that if you put some extra work into it, long-distance

relationships can be successful.

Relationship *“experts”* (people who know a lot about a subject) have this advice

about long-distance relationships:

1. Be clear about the *“ground rules.”* Ground rules are basic guidelines about

how to behave. Talking about what is expected is a good idea, such as how

often to call and when you will visit one another.

2. Do something together. Try to do some things together, even though you

are far apart, such as watching the same television program. This gives you a

similar experience so that you will have more in common to talk about.

3. Don’t fight about small things. It’s easy for small problems to get

*“magnified”* or seem more important they really are. Make a decision that you

won’t fight about small problems and that it’s okay to *“agree to disagree,”* where

each of you has your opinion but you can still get along.

4. Accept uncertainty about how you feel. It’s not uncommon that when a

couple sees each other again after a long time apart, they feel strange or

nervous. You may ask yourself, *“Do I still love her?”* or “Is this relationship still

worthwhile?” These feelings are normal and they will most likely *“pass”* (go away

after a short time).

Comprehension Questions Correct Answers: 1 – b; 2 – c

##COMPLETE TRANSCRIPT

Welcome to number 221, “Long

Distance Relationships.”

This is episode 221. I am your host, Dr.

Jeff McQuillan. I am coming to you from the Center for Educational Development

in beautiful Los Angeles, California.

Remember to visit our website at eslpod.com and look at the Learning Guide for

this episode. It's a 10-page guide to the podcast that gives you the complete

transcript, all the vocabulary, additional vocabulary, cultural notes and a free trip

to Hawaii. Okay, well, everything except the free trip to Hawaii, I promise!

Today's podcast is called *“Long Distance Relationships.”* Sounds like fun, let's

go!

[start of story]

I met Diana last year when we were both working in New York City for the

summer. I’m finishing college in California and Diana started her first job in

Florida. Talk about a bicoastal relationship! We spent three great months

together and we’ve been trying to maintain a long distance relationship ever

since. It’s been really hard and I had a talk about it with my friend, Emily, who

just got out of a relationship like this.

Enrique: I’m always worried that for her, it’s out of sight, out of mind.

Emily: I know what you mean, but is it that way with you?

Enrique: No, not at all. I think about her all the time. It’s not that there aren’t

temptations, but I’m committed to Diana.

Emily: Don’t you get the same vibe from her?

Enrique: Sometimes I do, but a lot of times I don’t. It’s so easy to get into a fight

on the phone. We have misunderstandings all the time or I hurt her feelings

without realizing it. And plus, I’m still in school and she’s already out working,

and it seems like we’re growing apart.

Emily: That’s what happened with Theo and me. We grew apart and we had

less and less in common. After a year, we called it quits.

Enrique: I hope that’s not what Diana wants. I’ve got to have it out with her. If

she wants to end this, then I’ll just have to deal with it.

Emily: It’s always better to know where you stand. Let me know how it goes.

Enrique: Sure. See you later.

[end of story]

The topic for this podcast is long distance relationships.

A relationship is normally when a man and a woman are romantically interested

in each other. It could be that they are dating, they are not married or it could be

that they are married.

This relationship in our story today is a long distance one, meaning that the two

people do not live close to each other. Sometimes we use this expression if we

are talking about people who live in different cities or even different countries.

Long distance is a term we also use when we are making telephone calls. If you

are calling somewhere outside of the city where you live, we say that is a long

distance call, and it costs more money.

Well, this is a long distance relationship between Enrique and Emily. Enrique

and Emily met in New York City. They were working there during this summer,

probably working as interns, *“interns.”* An intern is someone who works for a

company for a short time to get experience.

It turns out that Enrique is going back to California to finish his college and Diana

is starting her first job in different state, in Florida, which is on the other side of

the country. It is what we would call a bicoastal relationship, *“bicoastal.”*

Bicoastal comes from the word *“coast,”* which is the part of a country or the part

of the land that is next to the ocean. United States, we have two coasts; we have

the West Coast, where the Pacific Ocean is, and the East Coast, where the

Atlantic Ocean is. A bicoastal relationship means two coasts. *“Bi,”* bi, as a prefix

in English, usually means two. So, you have a bicycle; that is a machine with two

wheels.

This is a bicoastal relationship - a long distance relationship, and Enrique is

having some problems. Ah, don't we all? He talks to his friend, Emily. Emily just

got out of a relationship like this. In other words, Emily was in a long distance

relationship and now she is out of the relationship. To get out of a relationship

means to end a relationship - to stop it. So, Emily has got out of this long

distance relationship with her boyfriend and she is now going to give advice to

Enrique.

Enrique starts by saying, “I'm worried about my girlfriend Diana, in Florida. I’m

worried that for her, it’s out of sight, out of mind.” That is an expression we use,

out of sight, *“sight,”* out of mind, *“mind,”* to mean that you don't think about things

that are not to close to you - that you cannot see. *“Sight”* means the same here

as to be able to see, or something that you see. So, if you can't see it, you don't

think about it - you forget about it. Out of sight, out of mind.

Emily says that she understands what Enrique is talking about, and asks if he

feels the same way, that is if it's out of sight, out of mind for him, too. Does he

forget about Diana because she is not near him? And, Enrique says, “not at all.

I think about her all the time.” You think? I kind of wonder about Enrique, I don't

think he's thinking about her. But, well, we'll go with the story here - continue

with the story.

Enrique says, *“It’s not that there aren’t temptations, but I’m committed to Diana.”*

The expression, *“it's not that,”* is one we use to introduce something that isn't

true, but we want to compare it to something that is true. So, Enrique says, “it's

not true that I don't have temptations.” Temptations, *“temptations,”* are things

that cause you to do something that you may not want to do, that your brain says

is a bad idea, but perhaps your heart, or some other part of your body thinks is a

good idea. These would be temptations.

The verb is to tempt, *“temp,”* to try to get someone to do something that they

should not do. The world is, of course, full of temptations, that's why I never get

another woman, only my wife!

Enrique says he's *“committed to Diana.”* To be committed, *“committed,”* means

that he is going to stay with Diana. He wants to be in this relationship; he's

dedicated to her. Committed can have other meanings as well, and in the

Learning Guide we talk about some additional uses of that verb, committed or to

commit. We also talk about that expression we used earlier, *“get out of,”* there

are some additional meanings, which you can find in our Learning Guide.

Well, continuing with the story, Emily says do *“you get the same vibe from her?”*

In other words, does she communicate the same idea, that she is committed to

you? The word vibe, *“vibe,”* means the same feeling - the same impression - the

same idea. It's the way someone acts towards you, not necessarily what they

say.

Enrique says, *“Sometimes I do, but sometimes I don’t,”* meaning “Sometimes I

think Diana is committed and sometimes I don't.” He says, “It's easy to get into a

fight” when you're talking “on the phone. We have misunderstandings all the

time.” A misunderstanding is when people do not understand each other. Here,

mis, *“mis,”* at the beginning of the word means not.

Enrique says sometimes he hurts his girlfriend's *“feelings without realizing,”* or

without knowing. To hurt, *“hurt,”* someone's feelings means to make them feel

bad - to make them sad, for example. If you say something that is not very nice

about someone, you could hurt their feelings.

Enrique is afraid that he and Diana are *“growing apart.”* To *“grow apart”* means

that as you get older, you aren't as close to another person as you were when

you were younger. Enrique is afraid that because Diana is in another state far

away, as time goes by, as each month goes by that they are growing apart.

Emily says that this is situation that happened to her and her boyfriend, Theo.

She says that *“We grew apart and had less in common,”* meaning they had fewer

things that they could talk about or share with each other. *“After a year,”* Emily

says, *“we called it quits.”* To call something quits, *“quits,”* means to end

something - to end something, to stop something.

Enrique says he hopes that doesn't happen to him and Diana. Of course, it will,

but you know, Enrique's trying to see the positive side of things. He says that he

is going *“to have it out with”* his girlfriend. *“To have it out”* means that you are

going to have an argument, perhaps, but you speak very honestly with the other

person.

Enrique says that if Diana wants to end, or stop the relationship, he'll “have to

deal with it.” This is a very common expression. To deal, *“deal,”* with something

means that you have to adjust to it - you have to make the best situation

possible. *“To deal with,”* means to have to live with and to understand or figure

out how to survive - how to continue. Emily says, “It’s always better to know

where you stand.” *“To know where you stand,”* in this case, means to know what

your situation is, to understand the other person's opinion and to know the

situation or condition of your relationship.

If you are in a long distance relationship, make sure you see the Learning Guide

today. It has some advice for those of you who are in a long distance

relationship.

Now let's listen to the dialogue, this time at a native rate of speech.

[start of story]

I met Diana last year when we were both working in New York City for the

summer. I’m finishing college in California and Diana started her first job in

Florida. Talk about a bicoastal relationship! We spent three great months

together and we’ve been trying to maintain a long distance relationship ever

since. It’s been really hard and I had a talk about it with my friend, Emily, who

just got out of a relationship like this.

Enrique: I’m always worried that for her, it’s out of sight, out of mind.

Emily: I know what you mean, but is it that way with you?

Enrique: No, not at all. I think about her all the time. It’s not that there aren’t

temptations, but I’m committed to Diana.

Emily: Don’t you get the same vibe from her?

Enrique: Sometimes I do, but a lot of times I don’t. It’s so easy to get into a fight

on the phone. We have misunderstandings all the time or I hurt her feelings

without realizing it. And plus, I’m still in school and she’s already out working,

and it seems like we’re growing apart.

Emily: That’s what happened with Theo and me. We grew apart and we had

less and less in common. After a year, we called it quits.

Enrique: I hope that’s not what Diana wants. I’ve got to have it out with her. If

she wants to end this, then I’ll just have to deal with it.

Emily: It’s always better to know where you stand. Let me know how it goes.

Enrique: Sure. See you later.

[end of story]

The script for today's podcast was by Dr. Lucy Tse. Remember to email us if you

have a comment or question about our podcast. Our email address is

[email protected].

From Los Angeles, California, I'm Jeff McQuillan. Thanks for listening. We will

see you next time on ESL Podcast.

 is written and produced by Dr. Lucy Tse,

hosted by Dr. Jeff McQuillan. This podcast is copyright 2006.