Ep. 298 - The Rich Rent Swans and I Can’t Get Ranch at Dinner - 01/13/2026
Peaches Pit Party · Brenden Peach
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Show Notes
Peaches Pit Party from Tuesday, January 13, 2026 / Peaches opens the show by finally giving longtime listener Jeff the moment he has been waiting for, announcing that Five Finger Death Punch is officially coming back to Salt Lake City and mentally picturing Jeff losing his mind somewhere in eastern Idaho, before immediately spiraling into a discussion about a disturbingly popular app that checks whether you are still alive, forcing him to confront the possibility of dying alone and being discovered wearing a CPAP and underwear. The episode barrels through a thread exposing rich people behavior that feels illegal to know about, including rented swans that get replaced when they look scruffy, dogs with annual salaries that require Zoom meetings with lawyers, and a submerged miniature town built purely so wealthy people can scuba dive through fake neighborhoods. Peaches then unloads on the Hollywood Walk of Fame after it earns the title of worst tourist attraction on Earth, breaking down CD scams, fake monks demanding donations, cracked out mascots, and why downtown Los Angeles feels like Walmart on its busiest day but with more hustlers. Sports news somehow devolves into eight year old hockey players fighting during a Mites on Ice game, LeBron James jerseys being dismantled into trading cards, and college football ticket prices reaching mortgage territory. Things get worse with TLC’s new show Suddenly Amish, as Peaches questions whether anyone with an iPhone, DoorDash account, and Stanley cup could survive a single day of butter churning, before ranting about cities everyone pretends to love like Austin, Nashville, Phoenix, Las Vegas, and especially New York City, where four thousand dollars a month gets you a hallway with a window. The episode ends with Peaches recounting a long debated restaurant visit that turned into a full blown disaster involving missing ranch, cat food looking meat served in Dollar Tree containers, and a Yelp account resurrected from the dead solely to deliver a one star review out of spite.
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