Omnibus

In which NASA gives aliens a weird gift basket (opera arias, a welcome from a Nazi war criminal, a lousy map, and absolutely no nipples!) and Ken gossips about wife-swapping astronomers. Certificate #34914.

In which a piano starts to fall right through the floor of a second-story dining room, and as a result, the White House gets a balcony, a bunker, and a bowling alley. Certificate #47967.

In which two art-world provocateurs fly to Scotland and burn through a record amount of cash in just two hours, and John sings his least favorite novelty song of the 1980s for us. (Hey!) Certificate #5888.

In which John explains the secrets of raccoon hygiene, Ken mistakenly shows up with a ukulele, a straw hat, and a football pennant, and ferret lovers unsubscribe in mass numbers. Certificate #29158.

In which the post office builds a path of giant yellow concrete arrows stretching across the continent, and John questions the sobriety of the pilots of Montana. Certificate #34096.

In which the most devastating twister in American history tears through 235 miles of the Midwest, tossing around trees, railroad tracks, and popcorn stands. Certificate #9101.

In which a Boston woman falls on an icy sidewalk and discovers the secret of the universe, and listeners are encouraged to seek out the most heretical book in their local metaphysical lending library. Certificate #51449.

In which we travel to the "graveyard of empires" to witness the birth of an exciting Soviet-era art form, and Ken learns he should have saved the satin bomber jackets of his childhood. Certificate #39950.

In which tens of thousands of Koreans are forcibly relocated to the deserts of Central Asia and ordered to grow rice, and John refuses to relocate to Kotzebue or Yakutat even though he has a free plane ticket. Certificate #16823.

In which Calvin Coolidge gets a frisky gift from Liberia that ushers zoos into the modern age, and John and Ken fantasize about being president and still sleeping all day. Certificate #47159.

In which a California backyard botanist creates a mysterious new fruit, resulting in one of the century's biggest food fads and reinventing the American vacation. Certificate #36525.

In which the world's catchiest song teaches us how English sounds to overseas ears, and Ken mispronounces the French word for "slithy." Certificate #35645.

In which an eccentric billionaire has the terrible idea to cast John Wayne as Genghis Khan, and a "who's who" of Hollywood gets showered with both bad reviews and radioactive fallout. Certificate #17145.

In which a Volkswagen marque invents the super-car, new acceleration and deceleration records are set, and Ken asks where John was conceived. Certificate #24968.

In which a French-Canadian "voyageur" suffers three indignities: being blasted with buckshot at point-blank range, becoming a full-time medical guinea pig, and having John call him the world's first "human fondue set." Certificate #42453.

In which John traces "preppy" fashion from Buckingham Palace to Hyannis Port to Kinko's, and Ken wonders if everyone on post-collapse Earth owns a navy blazer. Certificate #31310.

In which we examine how flight attendants smile, baby chimps play, botox treats mental illness, and Oscar the Grouch was a harsh wake-up call for Gen X kids. Certificate #42013.

In which a Victory ship full of ammunition ignites a three-mile fireball, which in turn ignites the biggest mutiny trial in American history. Certificate #32844.

In which Raymond Carver becomes a literary superstar largely thanks to one brilliant, heavy-handed editor, and Ken and John share a very controversial Blade Runner take. Certificate #24875.

In which a poison made from dried beetles becomes a schoolyard legend as an alleged aphrodisiac, foreshadowing our modern age of creepy predator celebrities and erectile dysfunction infomercials. Certificate #31327.

In which we learn why the moon looks so much larger at the horizon, whether your fingernails can out-race Portugal, and whether Ken or John has the better Axl Rose impression. Certificate #18042.

In which John runs down the disturbing history of product tampering, from Bromo-Seltzer to baby food, and listeners are strongly discouraged from committing murder. Certificate #27765.

In which a U.S. vice-president spends his entire six-week term dying in Cuba, and Ken reads some fun, flirty letters from future president James Buchanan. Certificate #39087.

In which John explains why it's a bad idea to smelt iron on your deck or patio, a seemingly obvious life tip that seems to have escaped Chairman Mao. Certificate #30148.

In which we celebrate a basketball team that never gets to celebrate, because they've lost to their rivals 17,000 times. Certificate #46102.

In which the U.S. government pixelates the American West with land grants to railroads. Certificate #6798.

In which Ken confesses that he might have caused a land grab in the middle of the Nubian Desert. Certificate #50204.

In which we revisit 1991's briefest, brightest fashion fad, and John ponders what to do with our nation's biggest problem: awkward middle-schoolers. Certificate #26275.

In which an unsuccessful horror writer accidentally rewrites the history of the Western Front, and Ken is clearly annoyed at having to learn the history of the Western Front. Certificate #21873.

In which sneakers keep washing onto the beaches of British Columbia with the feet of mystery people still inside, may God rest their soles. Certificate #27174.

In which Ken runs down the list of everything that could ever be bought by putting coins in slots, from religious awe to banned books to pancake mix. Certificate #16697.

In which we learn why US radio stations start with a K or a W, and how to get hold of Ken's dad in case of a national emergency. Certificate #28337.

In which a Scottish policeman, a Tokyo professor, and Mary Queen of Scots have very loyal dogs, but a young John Roderick does not. Certificate #24139.

In which a prehistoric ice dam breaks and 500 cubic miles of water reshape the Pacific Northwest. Certificate #17528

In which Ken attempts to teach a new superpower--Central Asian overtone singing--to John and a live audience. Certificate #40632.

In which a German record producer hires two male models to lip-sync his hits, leading to--girl, you know it's true!--one Grammy, one class-action lawsuit, and one tragic death. Certificate #35145.

In which a working-class woman becomes one of the greatest scientists of her age, discovers dinosaur poop, and sells seashells by the seashore. Certificate #36073.

In which an aluminum-heavy cruise liner falls on hard times, and John and Ken can't decide if "Blue Riband" is actually French or not. Certificate #39390.

In which Ken describes the nouveau riche of the Amazon rainforest, and John has a conspiracy theory about scarecrows. Certificate #25284.

In which a fiery Canadian gets 30 million Depression-era listeners for his little fascist radio show, and Ken and John pledge fealty to Martian invaders. Certificate #29423

In which a claymation terrorist with inexplicable bunny ears disrupts pizza, takes hostages, and wins America's heart. Certificate #29250

In which the Dutch battle their oldest enemy: the Waterwolf. Almost certainly the Omnibus's last entry (alphabetically). Certificate #31078.

In which we make plans for the longest-awaited death in human history, and wonder how many Welsh corgis it takes to pull a gun carriage. Certificate #34884.

In which John investigates whether or not segassem terces naitnoc sgnos kcor, and Ken wonders why Satan would own a toolshed. Certificate #30148.

In which we learn which Ice Age animal is named after the human nipple, and which modern animal fills John's soul with bloodlust. Certificate #47448.

In which a socialist preacher invents a tricky birth control technique he calls "male continence," leading directly to the lazy Susan and the assassination of an American president. Certificate #34322.

In which Ken blames a crucial bit of fascist iconography on the most successful magazine premium in American history, and John knows the lyrics to "Alaska's Flag" but refuses to sing it. Certificate #37863.

In which John strongly admonishes future listeners not to get sloppy with their headwear, if they have heads. Certificate #25200.

In which the gruesome deaths in early 1960s teen ballads are variously blamed on capitalism, Marlon Brando, chastity, and giant clams. Certificate #34312.

In which the human race barely survives the 20th century. (Well, not all of it, obviously. Picasso didn't, for example.) Certificate #27008