Myopia Movies

Welcome back to Myopia Movies, where we revisit the films of our youth and ask the important question: Were these movies actually good… or were we just children? And today—Oh boy. In honor of the release of Super Mario Galaxy, today we are revisiting Super Mario Bros. from 1993. A film that answers the question no one asked: “What if a beloved Nintendo property… was filtered through cyberpunk dystopia, industrial sludge, and Goombas that look like they escaped a low-budget episode of Doctor Who?” How will Super Mario Brothers (1993) hold up? Host: Nic Panel: Matthew, Keiko, Alex Directed by: Rocky Morton & Annabel Jankel Starring: Bob Hoskins, John Leguizamo, Dennis Hopper, Samantha Mathis, Fisher Stevens, Richard Edson

This week on Myopia Movies, we watch yet another Jurassic Park/World Movie! Who will attempt to act with this idiotic script? Is this the dumbest new dino yet? Was it worth it to save this family? Why do we keep doing this? Sigh...... Want to pick a movie we do an episode on and record a special commentary just for you? Purchase something from our wish list! We are riffers on Cineprov! Check us out!! How will Jurassic World Rebirth hold up? Host: Nic Panel: Keiko, Matthew, Alex Directed by Gareth Edwards Starring: Scarlett Johansson, Mahershala Ali, Jonathan Bailey, Rupert Friend, Manuel Garcia-Rulfo, Ed Skrein

This week on Myopia Movies, we plug directly into the algorithmic void with one of the most expensive “what happened here?” movies in recent memory: The Electric State (2025). This is the kind of film that looks incredible in still images—rusted robots, abandoned highways, that eerie retro-future aesthetic—and yet somehow feels completely hollow once it starts moving. It’s all vibes, no voltage. The bones of something interesting are there, but the movie never quite figures out what it wants to be: a heartfelt road story? A dystopian warning? A quirky robot adventure? Yes. And also… not really any of them. And look, you’ve got Millie Bobby Brown doing everything she can to ground the film, and Chris Pratt doing his usual charm-forward routine. Nobody here is phoning it in. But the script feels like it was assembled by committee, filtered through three different tones, and then sanded down until nothing sharp—or memorable—remains. Which, in a weird way, makes it perfect for us. Because this is exactly the kind of movie that should work. The pedigree is there. The budget is there. The source material is there. And yet… here we are. So grab your neural headset, hop in your broken-down robot companion, and join us as we wander through one of the most visually striking and emotionally confusing movies of the year. And the best part? We’re just getting started. God help us. Want to pick a movie we do an episode on and record a special commentary just for you? Purchase something from our wish list! We are riffers on Cineprov! Check us out!! How will The Electric State (2025) hold up? Host: Nic Panel: Matthew, Keiko, Jeremy Directed by: Anthony & Joe Russo Starring: Millie Bobby Brown Chris Pratt Ke Huy Quan Giancarlo Esposito Stanley Tucci

“This movie feels like a ChatGPT movie if there’s ever been one.” This week on Myopia Movies, the gang continues its tour through the worst films of the previous year with 2025’s War of the Worlds—a baffling, screen-filled sci-fi mess that somehow turns an NSA analyst played by Ice Cube into humanity’s last hope. The panel digs into the movie’s strange obsession with surveillance tech, brand-name software, and product placement, while trying to figure out whether the film is pro–surveillance state, anti–surveillance state, or just deeply confused. Along the way, they riff on everything from alien data harvesting and Amazon drones to bad military logic, real-time apocalypse plotting, and a family drama that feels far more creepy than heartfelt. The result is less War of the Worlds and more War of the Windows Tabs. Want to pick a movie we do an episode on and record a special commentary just for you? Purchase something from our wish list! https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3FN64UXVJTOEH?ref_=wl_share We are riffers on Cineprov! Check us out!! How will War of the Worlds (2025) hold up? Host: Nic Panel: Matthew, Alex, Keiko, Nur Directed by: Rich Lee Starring: Ice Cube, Eva Longoria, Clark Gregg, Iman Benson, and Michael O’Neill

This week on Myopia Movies, we kick off our annual dive into some of the worst movies of the previous year. And we are starting with a real doozy: the live-action 2025 remake of Snow White. This is one of those films that somehow manages to miss why the original worked in the first place. The charm, the simplicity, the fairy-tale tone—gone. In their place: baffling creative decisions, tonal confusion, and a remake that feels strangely disconnected from the magic of the classic. And honestly, you almost feel bad for Rachel Zegler, who is clearly trying and probably gives the most earnest performance in the film. Yet she ended up taking the brunt of the blame for the movie’s failure—much of it tied to the controversy surrounding her public comments on Gaza, which turned the film into a culture-war lightning rod before it even hit theaters. None of that makes the movie better. But it does make it perfect material for Myopia Movies. So grab your poisoned apple and join us as we dig into one of the strangest big-budget misfires of the year. And the best part? This is only the beginning of the month. God help us. Want to pick a movie we do an episode on and record a special commentary just for you? Purchase something from our wish list! https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3FN64UXVJTOEH?ref_=wl_share We are riffers on Cineprov! Check us out!! How will Snow White (2025) hold up? Host: Nic Panel: Alex, Keiko, Jeremy Directed by: Marc Webb Starring: Rachel Zegler Gal Gadot Andrew Burnap Ansu Kabia Martin Klebba

This month we revisit Cruel Intentions, the film that asked, “What if Dangerous Liaisons… but everyone shops at Abercrombie?” Schemes! Staircases! Smirks that could cut glass! Where impossibly wealthy teenagers treat Manhattan like a chessboard and human emotions like a hobby. It’s seduction, manipulation, and dramatic journal entries, all set to the most aggressively 1999 soundtrack imaginable. Want to pick a movie we do an episode on and record a special commentary just for you? Purchase something from our wish list! https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3FN64UXVJTOEH?ref_=wl_share We are riffers on Cineprov! Check us out!! How will Cruel Intentions hold up? Host: Nic Panel: Keiko, Candace, Alex Directed by: Roger Kumble Starring: Sarah Michelle Gellar, Ryan Phillippe, Reese Witherspoon, Selma Blair, Joshua Jackson, Sean Patrick Thomas

This week on Myopia Movies, we sharpen the knife and head back to Woodsboro in honor of Scream 7 slashing into theaters. That’s right — we revisited Scream 2, the sequel to a horror classic we genuinely love… and enrolled ourselves in Sequel Class to figure out what went wrong. More meta? Yes. More bodies? Absolutely. Better than the original? Well… let’s just say the killer might not be the only thing chasing diminishing returns. Was it a worthy follow-up or just another case of sequel syndrome? Want to pick a movie we do an episode on and record a special commentary just for you? Purchase something from our wish list! https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3FN64UXVJTOEH?ref_=wl_share We are riffers on Cineprov! Check us out!! How did Scream 2 hold up? Host: Nic Panel: Keiko, Jeremy, and Alex Directed by Wes Craven Starring: Neve Campbell, Courteney Cox, David Arquette, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Jamie Kennedy, Liev Schreiber, Jada Pinkett, Omar Epps, Laurie Metcalf

This week as we continue the erotic thrillers month, we get a little witchy. We watched The Craft, the second best Neve Campbell and Skeet Ulrich of 1996, see the previous episode. Want to pick a movie we do an episode on and record a special commentary just for you? Purchase something from our wish list! https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3FN64UXVJTOEH?ref_=wl_share We are riffers on Cineprov! Check us out!! How will the Craft hold up? Host: Nic Panel: Keiko, Alex, Jeremy Directed by Andrew Fleming Starring: Robin Tunney, Fairuza Balk, Neve Campbell, Rachel True, Skeet Ulrich, Christine Taylor, Breckin Meyer, Nathaniel Marston, Cliff De Young