Movie Torture

This week on Movie Torture, Brad, Jacob, and MTD set out to review Agent Recon… and accidentally spend most of the episode questioning reality, anatomy, and whether MTD is secretly the Matrix.The movie itself? Chuck Norris plays a robot… kind of. There’s red ash, magic mana, aliens, and a rule that you can only kill enemies by shooting them in the liver—which immediately sends the guys into a full breakdown because none of them know where the liver is. At one point, the conversation turns into a survival strategy of “just aim somewhere in the torso and hope for the best.”But the real highlight isn’t the movie—it’s the spirals.Within minutes, they’ve:Debated uploading MTD’s brain into a cyborg and whether he’d save humanity or just bring a TV remote to a gunfightPlanned a full production of Monkey Cop like it’s a legitimate Hollywood contenderArgued about who would survive an alien invasion (spoiler: nobody, because they’re all aiming for the wrong organs)Gone deep into Total Gym infomercials and somehow turned it into a Rocky-style training montage between two grown men in an apartmentDiscussed who’s dying first between Dick Van Dyke and Mel Brooks like it’s a Vegas betting lineAnd briefly turned the episode into an emotional moment about not wanting each other to die… before immediately going back to poop jokes and cyborg dadsMeanwhile, Agent Recon keeps happening in the background—barely. There’s a random daughter subplot nobody asked for, villains that look like the same three guys in different hoodies, and Chuck Norris showing up just long enough to remind everyone this movie technically has a legend in it.By the end, there’s an explosion, a memory chip, and zero clarity—just like the episode itself.It’s less of a movie review and more of a chaotic hangout where the movie loses and the tangents win.Follow Movie Torture here:https://www.instagram.com/movietorturepod/Buy Merch here:https://www.bonfire.com/store/the-hopecast-network-swag/This show is brought to you by The Hopecast Networkhttps://www.instagram.com/hopecastnetwork/

This week on Made Up Movie, Brad Lowe brings what he confidently calls “the greatest idea of his life” (ranking just behind his marriage), and Nicki immediately realizes she’s either witnessing genius… or the beginning of a cinematic crime.Welcome to the birth of Monkey Cop.The episode starts normal—talking musicals, Muppets, and whether anyone over 25 should legally be allowed inside Spencer’s—before Brad drops a fully developed, slightly concerning cinematic universe that he’s apparently been building in his head for years.We’re talking:A chain-smoking, beer-drinking chimp copA washed-up human partner one write-up away from getting firedA PG-13 movie that somehow includes drugs, bar fights, and monkey hookupsA VHS intro featuring a monkey watching edited adult tapes (yes, really)And that’s just the pitch.From there, things spiral beautifully.Brad unveils:A full trilogy (with escalating banana-based subtitles)A spin-off called The Splooge (yes, that’s a real sentence)A cartoon seriesA prequel origin storyMerchandising plans like he’s already met with DisneyMeanwhile, Nicki is trying to keep things grounded by asking reasonable questions like:“Should this be CGI or a real monkey?”…and Brad responds with a deep dive into real-life monkey crime documentaries and a former coworker who is now apparently in prison.Because of course.They also:Debate casting like this is actually greenlit (Glenn Powell, Sydney Sweeney, Channing Tatum—Monkey Cop is STACKED)Accidentally turn the movie into a mashup of Ted, Superbad, and Miami ViceCreate a musical number about cocaine mid-conversationAnd somehow land on a stalker subplot where Nicki plays a woman obsessed with Monkey Cop’s clothing… and potentially his poopYes. That happens.By the end, no one is entirely sure what just happened—but they are sure of one thing:Monkey Cop is either movie gold… or the exact reason Hollywood should have stricter rules.Either way, this episode proves one thing:You don’t need a real movie to have a better time than most real movies.Just another completely normal episode of Movie Torture. Follow Movie Torture here:https://www.instagram.com/movietorturepod/Buy Merch here:https://www.bonfire.com/store/the-hopecast-network-swag/This show is brought to you by The Hopecast Networkhttps://www.instagram.com/hopecastnetwork/

On this episode of Movie Torture, Brad, Jacob and MTD attempt to review Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle, but instead spend most of the episode debating who’s hotter (Lucy Liu vs. Cameron Diaz), planning MTD’s funeral, and figuring out who inherits the Hopecast Network when Brad inevitably dies mid-podcast.Before the movie even gets going, Jacob celebrates his 85th episode milestone while Brad reminds him that his job security is entirely based on pretending Jacob is the funniest person on the show. Meanwhile, MTD continues his role as the mysterious, silent, possibly imaginary overlord of the podcast, but with worse communication skills and a tendency to ignore texts.Eventually, they remember there’s a movie.Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle is described as a film where Hollywood gathered every famous person from the early 2000s, paid them millions of dollars, and then forgot to write a coherent plot. Instead, the movie focuses on three “agents” whose primary mission appears to be fighting crime while wearing increasingly impractical outfits and defying every known law of physics.Highlights include:A Mongolian bar fight that looks like it was filmed in 1845 but somehow includes a mechanical bullA helicopter that gets started mid-air while free-falling (a moment Brad compares to Kobe Bryant)Drew Barrymore sliding across tables without moving her feet like she’s in The Matrix: Low Budget EditionLucy Liu being criminally underpaid while also being the only competent person in the movieCameron Diaz earning $20 million to act confused for two hoursThe guys also uncover the true plot of the movie, which involves:Two magic rings (basically Lord of the Rings for people who failed geometry), a witness protection list nobody understands, and Demi Moore showing up to remind everyone she’s still the coolest person on screen.But the real story of this episode isn’t the movie—it’s the complete unraveling of the podcast itself.Somehow, the conversation spirals into:Whether MTD died by driving into a Country Kitchen and ordering waffles afterwardA full succession plan where Jacob inherits the network and immediately cancels everything to avoid paying podcast hosting feesBrad forcing his son into podcast slavery via his willA hypothetical skydiving scenario where Brad tries to take Jacob and MTD down with him out of spiteThe possibility of replacing Brad with a hologram or re-releasing old episodes like he’s a podcast TupacFollow Movie Torture here:https://www.instagram.com/movietorturepod/Buy Merch here:https://www.bonfire.com/store/the-hopecast-network-swag/This show is brought to you by The Hopecast Networkhttps://www.instagram.com/hopecastnetwork/

On this episode of Movie Torture, the boys somehow turn Revenge of the Nerds into a full-blown discussion about boogers, mooning, prison sentences, and whether MTD belongs with the Alpha Betas or the Lambda Lambdas. Brad immediately hijacks the show by proudly announcing that if anybody on the podcast is Booger, it is 100% him, then follows it up with a Navy story about pulling a booger the size of a corn kernel out of his face like he just discovered buried treasure. Jacob contributes by explaining the emotional devastation of thinking you have a bat in the cave and finding out your nose was just lying to you.Once they finally remember there is a movie to talk about, Brad gets sentimental about Robert Carradine, because to him Lewis will always be a legend, a laugh, and a man who somehow made giant glasses look cool. The guys agree the movie is a complete 80s time capsule, right down to the outfits, the soundtrack, the robot side chick, and a fraternity system that would now lead to about 47 separate felony counts and a Dateline special.From there, the episode becomes a courtroom drama disguised as a comedy recap. Brad and Jacob basically spend an hour deciding which characters are going to jail and for how long. The nerds are somehow lovable and criminal at the same time, the jocks are idiots, and everyone in the movie appears to be one bad decision away from doing 15 to life. Brad repeatedly reminds everyone that Lewis is not surviving modern law enforcement, especially after the Darth Vader moon bounce incident, while Jacob tries to keep at least one foot in reality and point out that none of this is remotely okay, even if it is funny.They also stop the movie several times to argue about whether Brad is actually a nerd, which turns into a side quest about Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Star Wars, and Brad’s refusal to be grouped with “full-course nerds.” Jacob insists Brad is Lewis, Brad insists Jacob is Gilbert, and somewhere in the middle MTD gets promoted to Lewis’s dad, which honestly feels right.Other major topics include: whether MTD ordered the Honda Civic as a lateral move, whether random mooning should be illegal, whether George Soros funded the nerd house rebuild, whether the Asian nerd’s tricycle beer race was secretly the best event in cinema history, and why Brad’s son apparently turned into a ding-dong-ditching athlete just to prove Brad can run stairs.By the end, Brad once again reminds the audience that ChatGPT says he’s funnier than Jacob, which Jacob clearly takes as a personal act of war.

This week the guys head to Screamville and talk about Scream 7. They open the show wondering why MTD isn't there. He is buying a new Civic and Brad wonders if it's a lateral move from a Subaru. They finally get into Scream and wonder what it would be like if there was a Ghostface in every state. MTD trains each one to make them the killing machines they need to be. The guys wonder about Ashley and how she is doing since this is her favorite movie series of all time. Brad laments the fact that Neve Campbell is in this movie and wishes Jenna Ortega was in this movie. The guys wonder what a reality real world house would be like if it had iconic slasher killers in it just hanging out while MTD is the host. Plus, The wonder who would win in a fight, Ghostface or Jason Voorhees. Follow Movie Torture here:https://www.instagram.com/movietorturepod/Buy Merch here:https://www.bonfire.com/store/the-hopecast-network-swag/This show is brought to you by The Hopecast Networkhttps://www.instagram.com/hopecastnetwork/

On this week's episode the guys head to Movie Torture Lite as they welcome Nic Cage back to the show and talk 2014's "Left Behind" They start the show with Brad checking in on Jacob's Letterboxd movie count. They wonder if this is a rapture movie or a movie about a man who just needs to land a plane. Brad shares that he watched this movie with his family and they enjoyed it.Brad wonders if U2 would be raptured. Brad proposes that if the three of them would be flight attendants and they were single they could get women to like them, Jacob and Brad get into a debate about what they would really get.The guys wonder if getting raptured at a mall would be sad. Then the people go zero to loot in 5 seconds.Brad says if he doesn't get raptured he hopes everyone he knows got raptured so he doesn't get questioned.They also wonder why the little person is so angry all of the time.Also, they wonder why this movie cost so much to make.You don't want to miss this chat about landing a plane.Follow Movie Torture here:https://www.instagram.com/movietorturepod/Buy Merch here:https://www.bonfire.com/store/the-hopecast-network-swag/This show is brought to you by The Hopecast Networkhttps://www.instagram.com/hopecastnetwork/

On this week's episode Jacob, Brad and MTD head to Hazzard County to talk about "The Dukes of Hazzard: The Beginning" Brad and Jacob open up the show by talking about their love for the original. Brad shares that his third birthday was a Dukes party with a cake shaped like the General Lee, confederate flag and all. Jacob wonders if MTD wore daisy dukes to the party and MTD starts a timer on the one minute recap for the movie that Brad does. Brad compares this to "Dumb and Dumber When Harry met Lloyd" and wonders why this movie was even made and who is it trying to appeal to. The guys talk about the gross incest scene and wonder if this movie is what a movie would turn out to be if Movie Torture made a movie.Follow Movie Torture here:https://www.instagram.com/movietorturepod/Buy Merch here:https://www.bonfire.com/store/the-hopecast-network-swag/This show is brought to you by The Hopecast Networkhttps://www.instagram.com/hopecastnetwork/

On this week's episode the Jacob, Brad and MTD tackle 2009's "New in Town" and MTD asks the guys when are we going to do man movies again. Brad starts the show by saying he won't kill MTD off but then gets into a discussion about the iron lung and how that works on someone, possibly MTD. Brad insists there Is no way he can poop laying down. Brad and Jacob talk about clappers at the end of movies and how weird that is, and they talk about their Letterboxd before they even get to the movie. Brad lets everyone know that Harry Connick Jr has a great head of hair and Jacob wonders why she brought a nighty to Minnesota and then wanted to take it back to Miami for a weekend trip.Plus, Jacob shares a story about his mom and a Teddy that you do not want to miss. He also drops some big news on the fellas about his personal life and no he is not converting to the priesthood, quite the opposite.Follow Movie Torture here:https://www.instagram.com/movietorturepod/Buy Merch here:https://www.bonfire.com/store/the-hopecast-network-swag/This show is brought to you by The Hopecast Networkhttps://www.instagram.com/hopecastnetwork/

On this week's episode the guys talk about 1992's "The Lawnmower Man 2" and what ever subtitle they want to use. Brad opens the show promising not to kill MTD off in this episode and he talks about MTD'S love for only 10s. Which leads them to talking about how MTD mows 3 yards a week and Brad wonders if thats going to kill him one day. They guys also wonder who this movie was made for and why it was even made. They talk about how this is the future but everything looks old. Jacob then reminds us of the most bonkers line every uttered on Movie Torture, "Incest, the game the whole family can play" Plus, Brad and MTD agree if they entered a VR world it would have chics in it.Follow Movie Torture here:https://www.instagram.com/movietorturepod/Buy Merch here:https://www.bonfire.com/store/the-hopecast-network-swag/This show is brought to you by The Hopecast Networkhttps://www.instagram.com/hopecastnetwork/