Monty and Rhias vs. Movies

Monty and Rhias watched a bunch of movies and now they are going to talk about them. They also watched some television shows, including Street Dance of China, and they have some thoughts on those as well. And they have some things they’re looking forward to in 2024! <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

Barbie! John Wick 4! Haunted Mansion! More! Including One and Only, a new Chinese dance movie! Monty and Rhias have had themselves a MONTH, but they’re back and ready to talk about movies! <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

The “big movies” in theaters have failed to excite Monty and Rhias, so they’ve been watching weird stuff. Stuff like Terminus (a future-sport Vansploitation movie with a creepy AI with a moving mouth), Invitation to a Murder (some spoilers are involved, but they don’t matter), Freak Dance (the UCB dance-movie parody that turns out to have Sam Reigel in it!), and Unwelcome (cool Irish redcaps!). <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

Monty and Rhias chose not to see the new Transformers movie because the Grand Illusion was showing Ninja 3: The Domination, a movie of which they are both fond. Monty also has some thoughts on Grease 2. <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

Monty and Rhias saw Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse and are very excited to talk about it! So excited, in fact, that they might let slip some plot points, so be warned. <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

Monty and Rhias have no real interest in seeing the new live-action Little Mermaid, so instead they watched the 1967 Dr. Dolittle (Rex Harrison), the 1998 Dr. Dolittle (Eddie Murphy), and the 2020 Dolittle (Robert Downey, Jr.). <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

Monty and Rhias saw Fast X, the cinematic event of the month. But they also saw Josie and the Pussycats in a tiny Seattle arthouse theater and would much rather talk about that, because Josie and the Pussycats rules. <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

Monty and Rhias take in Born to Fly, a Chinese movie a lot like Top Gun and The Right Stuff. And they like it! Good for Wang Yibo, you know? Then they watched some other stuff too. Stay tune to the end for a Mario Update! <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

Monty and Rhias watch a movie all about their favorite twitchy boy, Renfield. They liked it! Not enough to watch it 860,000 more times, though, and it sounds like that’s what it would require to become profitable. Oh well! They also watched the entire Step Up franchise of movies, including the one from China. <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

Monty and Rhias have been playing D&D for decades AND love movies! So what did they think of the D&D movie? Well… <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

We watched a movie about a dad who wakes up to find out that he is a hamburger. It was fun! <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

We watched the Oscars! And we have thoughts! About them! And about the movies that won! <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

So there’s this new Guy Ritchie movie that stars Jason Statham and Aubrey Plaza as superspies or something, right? Well, there is. You’ll just have to take my word for it. Monty and Rhias saw it. They also watched two movies starring Edgar Bergen, Charlie McCarthy, Fibber McGee, Molly, and The Great Gildersleeve. <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

Monty and Rhias watched Hidden Blade, a movie from China that was on 62 screens in the United States. But they decided they didn’t have much to say about it, so really this episode mostly goes over the movies that Rhias watched while Monty was out of town. Lightning Round! <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

Monty and Rhias watched Trangle of Sadness and were sad. Sad because they did not like the movie, that is! So they spend time talking about other stuff they’ve watched recently, especially the bizarre TCM special “Tracy Zooms In,” which is about (and stars) Warren Beatty’s Dick Tracy. <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

Monty and Rhias discuss Infinity Pool, the new movie by Brandon Cronenberg. They did not care for it! They also discuss Crimes of the Future, by David Cronenberg, which they like much more. Sorry, Brandon! <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

Rhias and Monty watched Puss in Boots: The Last Wish (it was fine) and that means they have seen all of the movies nominated for Best Animated Feature. And several more animated movies besides that! So this episode turns into a retrospective on the year in animation. <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

Monty and Rhias talk about Hollywood Revue of 1929, RuPaul’s Drag Race, The Most Assassinated Girl in the World, and also Missing, the movie that just came out in theaters. <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

James Cameron has done it again! Made a movie, that is. And Monty and Rhias both liked it! <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

M3GAN is a movie about a killer robot. So why didn’t Monty and Rhias like it? Let them tell you about it! <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

Monty and Rhias are back to versus movies! What kind of movie? ANY kind! For example, we’re kicking off this New Era with Babylon, Damien Chazelle’s ridiculously overblown spectacle…or is it a love letter to the movies and the power of cinema? Monty and Rhias disagree! (This episode contains explicit talk about gross things, because otherwise we wouldn’t have a lot to talk about) <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

The last three episodes of The Legend of Vox Machina are here and they are awesome. Monty and Rhias say basically that, then they talk about Jean-Pierre Jeunet’s new movie Big Bug (meh), Red Notice (also meh) and a documentary Rhias watched called “A Muse of Fire” (big thumbs up!). <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

Oh, heck, you guys! The show is getting really good, right? Monty and Rhias break it all down, including the parts where Monty got choked up. And then they talk about extreme sports movies from the ’90s. Rad vs. Thrashin’: Who ya got? <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

Monty and Rhias discuss the second batch of episodes for the Critical Role TV show, The Legend of Vox Machina. Then they talk a bit about Drag Race and Last Night in Soho. Oh, and Monty spoils the first season of The Good Place, which if you haven’t watched it and you don’t know the twist, maybe someone SHOULD spoil it for you because it’s pretty interesting and it might make you want to see how it plays out. <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

The animated show based on Critical Role is out! And Rhias and Monty wish to talk about it, even though it is not technically a movie. So they do! And then they talk about Street Dance of China Season 4, which is the thing that has been providing them a spiritual balm in these troubled times. But officially, this is about The Legend of Vox Machina, a show they both really enjoyed. This episode contains spoilers for the episodes that have aired, but not for the campaign. It also contains some naughty language, which is inevitable when discussing a show that is sometimes, to be frank, filthy. <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

We interrupt the scheduled programming of Monty and Rhias vs. Movies: Fantasy with a special edition of Monty and Rhias vs. Television: Fantasy, because Rhias watched all fifty episodes of the Chinese magical epic The Untamed, and she’s REALLY into it right now. Let’s talk about it! <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

Arnold Schwarzenegger is perfectly cast, even if he couldn’t really speak English yet. Until Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings movies, this was the iconic fantasy movie. A good time. An excellent time. <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

Barbarian Queen is a 71-minute movie in which female empowerment (in the form of women killing bad guys with swords) is juxtaposed with certain fantasy tropes that are less empowering (you know the ones I mean). It’s weird. But, again, 71 minutes long! <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

Monty and Rhias are back, with a new movie genre (Fantasy), a new movie (The Sword and the Sorcerer), and a REALLY good excuse for why it took so long to get this episode out the door (Monty had a stroke right after watching the movie). Also, Monty does readings from the novelization, and it is nonsensical. A good time! <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

Damnation Alley is the story of a tricked-out military RV being driven around under some very brightly colored skies after a nuclear apocalypse that takes thirteen minutes to play out. Somebody was very concerned that we might not understand what had happened to the world, because this was four years before The Road Warrior demonstrated what postapocalyptic movies should be like. Sadly, it was also five months AFTER Star Wars came out, which made Damnation Alley look like absolute slop. Also! This ends our Postapocalyptic run, and we will now transform into Monty and Rhias vs. Movies: Fantasy. Because we’re going to start watching fantasy movies. <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

Cherry 2000 is a movie with bounty hunters and sex robots and pretty cool cinematography. It is also very boring. <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

David Carradine, fresh off Death Race 2000, makes a movie that’s basically Death Race 2000 But With Motorcycles And Also We Have To Make This Like Star Wars Because It’s 1978 And That’s All Anyone Can Talk About. It’s pretty cheap and silly, but there are some very entertaining explosions, and the general weirdness is a lot of fun. <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

As far as we know, this movie is only available through Scarecrow Video in Seattle. It’s an extremely silly parody of postapocalyptic movies made by people (in 2009) who were both comedians and Scarecrow employees, which means that they’re pals of Rhias’s. It’s really funny, though, and we try to convey that in our very fond discussion of it. <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

A three-hour movie directed by, and starring, Kevin Costner as the man who brings society back from the postapocalypse by sheer force of downright decent-ness. It’s kind of bombastic, quite overwrought, and the closest thing you’ll see to a postapocalyptic take on Civil War battles. <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

This is one of the least postapocalyptic movies ever made. At best, there are three square blocks of postapocalypse, and some of it might be Brooklyn. A lot of it is definitely Rome. This movie is equal parts ripoffs of The Warriors and Escape From New York, and it’s a lot of fun, in a grimy kind of way. <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

Is it postapocalyptical? Sort of! Is it genuine nonsense? Absolutely! Does Sean Connery wear an outfit that is completely unacceptable? You know it! <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

This movie is very gross! And Monty and Rhias talk about it frankly and with swear words. Atolladero was made in 1995 and it is very much one of those movies made right after Pulp Fiction where they just pile on the drugs and violence and transgressive behavior and so forth. It appeared in a few film festivals and then had a limited release in Spain, so it’s kind of a miracle that Rhias ever got her hands on this third-generation VHS copy. Anyway, it’s kind of a spaghetti western noir in a postapocalyptic setting, made in Spain, and Iggy Pop is in it. <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

Wheels of Fire was shot in the Philippines and has probably the most explosions of any movie we’ve seen in this Postapocalyptic year. It also contains a telepathic woman, a woman who appears to have a psychic link with a hawk, and an actual Playboy Playmate. And yet? Extremely boring. And it is very unkind to its female characters, especially the aforementioned Playmate. This episode is marked “explicit” because there was no other way to discuss the gross parts. <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

Rutger Hauer and Joan Chen are athletes in the coolest post-apocalyptic deathsport of them all: They’re juggers! That means they travel from desolate wasteland town to desolate wasteland town to fight a brutal struggle centered around a dog skull. It’s great. <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

Behold, the story of Harmony, Anderson, and to a much lesser extent, a guy named Roland, who enters the story way too late to count as comic relief. It is a story you’ve heard before, with motorcycles and weird leather clothing, and plague mutants. Well, we’re not told that those guys were mutants, but they probably were. Stands to reason, right? This movie was made in Turkey in 1986 and it is fun. <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

What if the postapocalyptic world didn’t have shoulderpads and mohawks? What if instead, it had a midcentury rock and roll aesthetic with katanas and a Russian surf guitar soundtrack and a guitar duel against death? What if it didn’t make a lick of sense, but it looked good enough that it didn’t matter? <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

Journey with Monty and Rhias all the way back to 2018, when Sandra Bullock and John Malkovich were trapped in a post-apocalyptic world on Netflix. If they see the monster, they’ll die! So instead, they stay locked inside a house and yell at each other. So far, this was the most accurate post-apocalypse. <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall take on the Warriors of the Apocalypse, which is also called Searchers of the Voodoo Mountain, or maybe Time Raiders. It’s some leather-clad dudes in the Philippines wandering around a rock quarry and a jungle, which is full of some unfortunate “savage warrior” stereotypes, and also an amazon temple with a throne that’s equipped with laser cannons. <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>

The Postapocalypse is here! Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall embark on a year-long quest to watch a bunch of movies set in blasted wastelands and empty cities. First up: Night of the Comet!. <p>Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall.</p>