Master Your Marriage

This is Part 3 in a 4 Part Series on Navigating Needs In RelationshipsIn this episode, Robert and Sharla Snow discuss the importance of expressing needs effectively in relationships. They highlight the role of unexpressed and unspoken needs in causing resentment. The hosts emphasize the need to make clear observations without evaluation or judgment and to honestly and effectively express feelings. They outline the four elements of a compassionate request: clear observations, expressing feelings, articulating specific needs, and making a specific request without sounding like a demand. The hosts acknowledge the challenges of building trust in requests and encourage listeners to be patient and practice this new way of communicating.TakeawaysUnexpressed and unspoken needs can lead to resentment in relationships.Effective communication involves making clear observations without evaluation or judgment.Expressing feelings honestly and effectively is crucial in expressing needs.A compassionate request includes clear observations, feelings, specific needs, and a request that does not sound like a demand.Chapters00:00 Resentment in Relationships03:05 Expressing Needs Effectively04:00 Four Elements of a Compassionate Request05:25 Making Clear Observations10:30 Expressing Feelings13:23 Articulating Specific Needs15:40 Making a Specific Request24:54 Building Trust in Requests26:18 Final Thoughts and Call to Action

Values Course “Sync Up: Aligning Values & Vision For Lasting Love” now available! Get registered here: https://stan.store/masteryourmarriage/p/in-sync-together-aligning-values--visionThis is Part 2 in a 4 Part Series on Navigating Needs In RelationshipsIn this episode, Robert and Sharla Snow discuss the science of needs and how to express them in a healthy way. They highlight the destructive communication patterns that sabotage getting needs met and provide strategies for transforming communication. The importance of becoming conscious of needs is emphasized, and an exercise is shared to help listeners translate judgments into needs. The episode concludes with a discussion on core human needs and a call to action to create a vocabulary of needs.TakeawaysDestructive communication patterns, such as criticism and blame, sabotage getting needs met.Expressing needs clearly requires avoiding demands and using compassionate language.Becoming conscious of needs is essential for effective communication.An exercise can help translate judgments into needs and create a vocabulary of needs.Chapters00:00 Introduction02:48 The Importance of Needs08:04 Destructive Communication Patterns14:02 Transforming Communication Patterns21:53 Exercise: Translating Judgments into Needs26:12 Identifying Core Human Needs27:06 Conclusion and Call to Action

Values Course “Sync Up: Aligning Values & Vision For Lasting Love” now available! Get registered here: https://stan.store/masteryourmarriage/p/in-sync-together-aligning-values--visionThis is Part 1 of a 4 Part Series on Navigating Needs In RelationshipsIn this touching episode, Robert and Sharla Snow openly share a personal encounter with anger, offering a genuine glimpse into their imperfect moments. They delve into the nuanced nature of anger, challenging preconceptions and drawing insights from Dr. John Gottman's research. Practical steps for transforming anger are introduced, accompanied by a self-awareness exercise for listeners. The episode underscores the transformative power of thoughtful responses, emphasizing the space between stimulus and reaction. Takeaways:Anger Signals Unmet Needs: Recognize anger as a signal indicating disconnection from personal needs.Transform Thoughts, Not Blame: Shift focus from blaming others to transforming internal thoughts contributing to anger.Connect to Underlying Needs: Dig beneath judgments to identify and connect with the unmet needs fueling anger.Practice Self-Awareness: Keep a journal to note anger triggers, facilitating reflection and transformation.CHAPTERS:Opening ConfessionThe Nature of AngerThe Prisoner's StorySteps to Transform AngerPractical Self-Awareness ExerciseThe Power of Thoughtful ResponsesClosing Gratitude and Call to Action

Values Course “Sync Up: Aligning Values & Vision For Lasting Love” now available! Get registered here: https://stan.store/masteryourmarriage/p/in-sync-together-aligning-values--visionIf you have a question you would like addressed, call us! Leave your question in a recorded message which we may select to be played on a future episode. That question line is 801-669-8513.SummaryIn this episode, Robert and Sharla Snow discuss the pursuit of happiness in relationships. They explore the illusion of future happiness and the importance of finding joy in challenging circumstances. Drawing from their experience with an 80-year-old Mayan woman in Guatemala, they emphasize the role of personal happiness in relationships. The couple also examines the relationship between money and happiness, highlighting the need for individuals to take responsibility for their own happiness. They provide practical tips and practices for creating a happiness fitness plan, in each of the following categories: spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical.Takeaways:Happiness is not dependent on external circumstances or future events; it is a choice we make in the present moment.Finding joy in challenging circumstances is possible and can be learned from individuals who have little material wealth.The secret to happiness in relationships is being a happy person oneself, rather than relying on a partner to change.Taking responsibility for our own happiness involves creating a fitness plan that includes spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical practices.Chapters:The Illusion of Future HappinessFinding Happiness in Challenging CircumstancesLessons from an 80-year-old Mayan WomanThe Secret to Happiness in RelationshipsThe Relationship Between Money and HappinessTaking Responsibility for Our Own HappinessThe Futility of Wanting Our Partner to ChangeThe Impact of Negative Sentiment OverrideCreating a Happiness Fitness PlanThe Power of Alpha Brain WavesEmbracing Emotions and Practicing GratitudeTaking Care of Our Physical BodiesLessons from an 80-year-old Guatemalan Grandmother

Values Course “Sync Up: Aligning Values & Vision For Lasting Love” is now available! Get registered here: https://stan.store/masteryourmarriage/p/in-sync-together-aligning-values--visionIf you have a question you would like addressed, call us! Leave your question in a recorded message which we may select to be played on a future episode. That question line is 801-669-8513.Summary:In this episode, Robert and Sharla Snow discuss the challenge of difficult conversations and the consequences of the silent treatment in relationships. They explain the difference between silence and the silent treatment, highlighting the importance of avoiding the latter. The hosts also explore the reasons why people use the silent treatment and the emotional abuse it can cause. They provide solutions for breaking the silence, including acknowledging the issue, overcoming fear, and seeking help if needed.Takeaways:Difficult conversations are necessary in relationships, and avoiding them can lead to emotional distance.The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse that can make the recipient feel rejected and unimportant.Silence can be acceptable in certain situations, such as taking a break during a heated conversation or removing oneself from verbal abuse.To break the silence, it is important to acknowledge the issue, communicate honestly and without blame, and keep trying even if it is challenging.Chapters: 02:29 The Consequences of the Silent Treatment03:55 Difference Between Silence and the Silent Treatment05:46 The Silent Treatment as Emotional Abuse07:09 Reasons for Using the Silent Treatment09:31 Avoiding the Silent Treatment13:16 Research on the Silent Treatment15:10 Solutions: Breaking the Silence17:04 Acknowledging the Silence19:51 Overcoming Fear of Addressing the Silence23:41 Keep Trying and Seek Help if Needed24:10 ConclusionOther research and resources mentioned in this episode:Schrodt P, Witt P, Shimkowski J. A meta-analytical review of the demand/withdraw pattern of interaction and its associations with individual, relational, and communicative outcomes. Communication Monographs, 2014;81(1):28. doi:10.1080/03637751.2013.81363Additional Reading:https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3218801/

Values Course “Sync Up: Aligning Values & Vision For Lasting Love” now available! Get registered here: https://stan.store/masteryourmarriage/p/in-sync-together-aligning-values--visionIf you have a question you would like addressed, call us! Leave your question in a recorded message which we may select to be played on a future episode. That question line is 801-669-8513.SummaryIn this episode, Robert and Sharla Snow discuss gridlocked conflicts in relationships, inspired by a listener's question about managing conflicts with in-laws. They explain the three types of conflicts: solvable, perpetual, and gridlock, with gridlock problems being the most challenging. They emphasize the importance of approaching gridlock problems with compassion and acceptance, as well as seeking to understand each other's perspectives. They caution against criticizing, using the four horsemen (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling), and instead encourage calm and positive communication. They also provide guidance on how to start a gentle conversation to address gridlock problems.TakeawaysGridlock problems in relationships are the most challenging and can lead to emotional disengagement and relationship breakdown.Approach gridlock problems with compassion, acceptance, and understanding of each other's perspectives.Avoid criticizing, using the four horsemen, and coming in hot during conversations about gridlock problems.Seek to understand each other's values and dreams that are in conflict, and prioritize dialogue and compromise.ChaptersListener Question: Managing Big ConflictsTypes of Conflicts: Solvable, Perpetual, and GridlockUnderstanding Gridlock ProblemsThe Danger of Gridlock ProblemsApproaching Gridlock Problems with Compassion and AcceptanceRecognizing and Addressing Gridlock ProblemsThe Importance of Acceptance and CompassionWhat Not to Do: Criticizing and Using the Four HorsemenWhat to Do: Seek Understanding and DialogueGetting to the Root of the ProblemTurning the Cart Around and Seeking HelpRole Play: Starting a Gentle Conversation

Be sure to check out our new course, “In Sync Together: Aligning Values and Vision” In this episode, Sharla and Robert are joined by author, coach, and licensed therapist Colleen O'Grady for an insightful discussion on parenting, relationships, and the impact one has on the other. We talk about the challenges faced by parents, with a special focus on how these stresses can affect a couple's relationship, citing a statistic that 67% of relationships experience extreme dissatisfaction within the first three years of parenting. The episode presents practical solutions for maintaining a strong connection despite the strains of parenting and shares proven strategies for managing life transitions. Apart from that, we also explore the importance of rituals, appreciation, love maps, and turning toward each other when experiencing challenging times. Tune in for this valuable discussion whether you are a parent, considering becoming one, or someone seeking ways to smoothen life transitions with their significant other.Today you’ll hear about:02:37 The Impact of Parenting on Couples03:42 The Importance of Relationship Skills03:54 The Influence of Childhood Experiences on Relationships06:37 The Role of Conflict in Relationships11:59 The Importance of Understanding in Conflict Resolution19:52 The Role of Friendship in Maintaining Connection24:36 The Importance of Rituals in Relationships25:13 The Importance of Daily Rituals in Relationships25:19 The Power of High Fives and Hugs: Non-Negotiables in a Day26:03 The State of the Union: Weekly Meetings for Connection26:22 Stress Relieving Conversations: A Daily Ritual27:21 The Role of Rituals in Strengthening Relationships28:09 The Importance of Intentionality in Relationships28:37 Turning Towards Each Other: A Key to Connection29:04 The Power of Turning Towards in Difficult Times33:19 The Power of Bids for Connection37:36 The Role of Love Maps in Navigating Relationships39:45 The Importance of Staying Current in Each Other's Lives41:49 The Importance of Appreciation in Relationships42:41 The Impact of Appreciation on Emotional Bank Accounts47:04 The Power of Pride in Relationships48:51 Final Thoughts and Advice for ParentsMYM Resources:8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillarsBecome FREE of resentment ➡️  https://forgive.masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriageTikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” - Maya AngelouOne of the greatest gifts you can give your spouse is a calm nervous system. That’s what co-regulation is: The way in which one person's nervous system influences another person's nervous system, creating a sense of safety and soothing. Co-regulation can be medicine for an activated, stressed-out nervous system, and as a result, it can create tremendous safety in relationships.But it’s different from codependency – we’re not just counting on our partners to control how we feel. Instead, we use the strength that co-regulation gives us to self-regulate for longer periods of time.Tune in for practical ideas to co-regulate with your partner. Even if your partner isn’t into all of this, there are things YOU can do to improve your relationship dynamic.“When little people are overwhelmed with big emotions, it is our job to share our calm, not join in their chaos.” L.R. KnostResources Mentioned In This Episode:Polyvagal Theory - https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3108032/#:~:text=The%20polyvagal%20theory%20proposes%20that,substrates%20for%20adaptive%20behavioral%20strategies Recommended Reading: https://a.co/d/9sZ0gv5MYM Resources:8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillarsBecome FREE of resentment ➡️  https://forgive.masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriageTikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

“Safety is not just the absence of threat.” - Sharla SnowDo you feel safe in your relationship? Does your spouse feel safe?What does ‘safety’ mean in this context? Well, more than just physical safety, it involves feeling safe, connected, and like your walls are down when you’re together.Safety in relationships cannot be overlooked. A person’s perceived safety is the foundation for healthy connection. And just because you love someone, it doesn’t always mean you feel safe with them.In this episode, Sharla and Robert are going to dive into the science behind these feelings of safety [or threat] and provide tips for creating safety in your relationships.Resources Mentioned In This Episode:Polyvagal Theory - https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3108032/#:~:text=The%20polyvagal%20theory%20proposes%20that,substrates%20for%20adaptive%20behavioral%20strategies Recommended reading - https://a.co/d/bq822BsMYM Resources:8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillarsBecome FREE of resentment ➡️  https://forgive.masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriageTikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

It’s no surprise that physical touch is an important aspect of relationships – but did you know that it has numerous benefits, including reducing stress, improving bonding, and regulating the nervous system?So why do so many people struggle with physical touch? (Even when it’s not sexual…)Well, your childhood experiences can shape your relationship with touch, and if you’re experiencing difficulty with physical touch, it is important to reflect on and heal any past wounds or conditioning related to touch.This episode will help you understand where to start and give you some practical steps for creating a safe space with your partner.Resources Mentioned In This Episode:A Study on Social Contact https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17201784/ MYM Resources:8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillarsBecome FREE of resentment ➡️  https://forgive.masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriageTikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

“All successful businesses have a vision statement. In businesses, if we don’t have a goal, it’s just a wish or a hope. And hope is not a good business strategy. Much the same in our relationships.” - Robert Snow In marriage, like in life, success takes intentionality. Sure, we have ‘chemistry’ and that’s a beautiful, natural way in which we connect. But once life kicks in with annoyances, differences, and the general challenges of being human, chemistry fades, and what you have left is two people who need to figure out how to make it work. A vision statement for your marriage ensures that you’re both on the same page about where you want your relationship to go and what you’ll be doing to get there. Tune in to learn where to start, what to include, and to get inspired by ideas that will refresh your marriage in 2024.MYM Resources:8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillarsMake 2024 the year that you let go ➡️  https://forgive.masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriageTikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

You know that feeling of growing apart from your spouse over the years, where intimacy and passion seem to fade into the background as life gets busy?In this episode, Robert and Sharla join Hailey Babcock of The Body Pod to provide a glimpse of hope in their discussion of rebuilding sex, intimacy, and friendship in marriage. They share from their own experience turning things around after a rough patch, and offer practical steps like establishing daily rituals, prioritizing quality time together, and learning each other's love languages to rekindle that closeness. Reconnecting at the deepest level will require developing self-awareness and emotional maturity to be truly vulnerable with your partner - this will allow intimacy to blossom once again.Resources Mentioned In This Episode:Passionate Marriage by Dr. David Schnarch -  https://a.co/d/4CPF8UkIntimacy & Desire by Dr. David Schnarch - https://a.co/d/4f6r0hI The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman - https://a.co/d/4Z4rsZI Everything Isn't Terrible by Kathleen Smith - https://a.co/d/9if0o30 MYM Resources:8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillarsBecome FREE of resentment ➡️  https://forgive.masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Connect with Hailey Babcock:Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/haileyhappensfitness?igsh=OGQ5ZDc2ODk2ZA==Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriageTikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

When we come to the seemingly inevitable place in our marriage where the spark is just gone, is there a possibility of revitalizing eroticism and passion back into the relationship?ABSOLUTELY. There’s a crazy myth out there that eroticism dies over time – like it’s something that can’t be controlled. But the truth is, you have a choice to rekindle that sexual desire and excitement.The key to reviving eroticism lies in coming alive within yourself and letting go of resentment, anxieties, insecurities, and self-doubt. These things are often overlooked as a source for a lost spark but will often be the root of disconnection in the bedroom.But by prioritizing great sex and being open to creativity and imagination, couples can experience a higher level of satisfaction and a thriving relationship. Tune in to get inspired about your next sexual encounter with your spouse.Resources Mentioned In This Episode:Passionate Marriage by Dr. David Schnarch -  https://a.co/d/4CPF8UkOrgasm Study - https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28213723/Women Masturbation Study - https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/0092623X.2011.628440The Hite Report: A National Study of Female Sexuality - https://a.co/d/4ZlBFOQ MYM Resources:8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillarsBecome FREE of resentment ➡️  https://forgive.masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriageTikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

If you’ve pressed play on this episode today because you’re struggling with sex in your marriage in some form, please know, you’re not alone. A lot of people and a lot of couples experience difficulties with sex. The good news is you’re here, and this episode is going to help you overcome a lot of the mental barriers that can actually be creating this challenge.“Many of the words or thoughts we use come from societal myths. But as these ideas are repeated over and over in the psyche, they will determine whether sex becomes the source of joy and mutual pleasure, or whether they become a source of disappointment and resentment.” - Robert Snow Resources for an improved sexual experience:The Vagina Bible - https://a.co/d/h5ACDIxCome As You Are: Revised and Updated - https://a.co/d/44fwQIAMYM Resources:8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillarsBecome FREE of resentment ➡️  https://forgive.masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriageTikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriag

Break free from resentment today ➡️  https://forgive.masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/So you’ve heard about the 5 love languages. But have you heard about meta-emotions?Simply put, meta-emotion is how we feel about our feelings.And mismatching meta-emotions (how you feel about emotions vs how your partner feels about emotions) is probably the single most common reason couples present for counseling. Like love languages, when your partner speaks a different emotional language than you, it can cause a lot of problems in the relationship and create disconnection. It tends to lead to comments and thoughts like, “You never listen to me,” or, “They just don’t get me.”A common mismatch of meta-emotions represents this way: one person is expressive about their emotions and the other might be more dismissive, just trying to repress any negativity.Tune in to better understand where you lie on this spectrum of meta-emotion and how to coexist in these differences.“Differing emotional philosophies could be at the root of many of your relationship issues.” - SharlaMYM Resources:8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillarsLet this $20 Forgiveness course transform your marriage ➡️  https://forgive.masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriageTikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

In this powerful episode, Antonio Neves sits down with Robert and Sharla Snow to discuss the secrets to relationship success. Some of the key topics covered include:Marriage phases and how to grow through themRed flags like contempt, complacency, and ignoring bids for connection Practical ways to put your spouse first, like daily rituals and prioritizing quality timeDeveloping marital fitness with stress-reducing conversations and acts of serviceThe importance of managing conflict positively and growing togetherSpeaking words of appreciation daily to counteract the toxicity of contemptIf you're looking to strengthen your relationship, tune into this must-listen episode for evidence-based insights and action steps you can start applying today.Resources Mentioned In This Episode:Gottman Research - https://www.gottman.com/about/research/ MYM Resources:8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillarsBecome FREE of resentment ➡️  https://forgive.masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Connect with Antonio Neves:Website - https://theantonioneves.com/ Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/theantonioneves/ Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriageTikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

💔Don’t let resentment fester - overcome it with these tools: https://forgive.masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/ Conflict is inevitable. And if we can’t avoid it, what should we do instead? Shall we get in the fetal position and rock ourselves to sleep? Pretend conflict doesn't exist?Obviously not, guys. This is called Master Your Marriage, not Mess Up Your Marriage. So if we know that conflict is inevitable, we know there’s a certain level of acceptance that we need to grow in. But what else can we do to make sure that the conflict doesn’t become ‘the end’? Well, we practice repair.Taking responsibility for your role in conflict is going to be key. But then you’re also going to want to practice some crucial friendship principles that are going to help lighten the mood and rebuild connection.Tune in to learn how to repair the ruptures in your relationship.In this Episode:- Why relationships are a system set up for failure- Why and how failure is the solution-The ability to repair is the key for success in a relationship- Asking your partner about offenses- The secret weapon of repair- How to remain good friendsAnd more!Resources Mentioned In This Episode:The Science of Trust:  https://a.co/d/d9zT2Mu Mother/child study: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2654842/How to Work Through a Past Fight - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-work-through-a-past-fight/id1669788601?i=1000611554391 or on YouTube: https://youtu.be/B8th4hCRtTk?si=7xpmfd-XuDD8olHk MYM Resources:8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillarsBecome FREE of resentment ➡️  https://forgive.masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriageTikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

“Needing may feel like wanting, but it comes from the worst in us. It comes from a poorly developed sense of self, where we need our partner to soothe our anxiety, boost our ego, and constantly agree with us.” - SharlaOuch, that hurts, doesn’t it? We all know that being called “needy” comes with a negative connotation. But you’re not needy, right? You’re just expressing your preferences and your desires…Well, let’s see how many times we’ve probably been guilty of turning our wants into a NEED…Have you ever:Stayed angry and miserable so you can keep your partner miserable?People-pleased yourself into resentment when you’re not getting praised for your deeds?Required tons of praise and compliments to feel loved?Withheld doing something until your partner did their part?Don’t worry, it’s in all of us. We all want to be wanted. But when we don’t get what we want, it can become a slippery slope for Need to come bursting in making demands.The good news is, there’s a way to overcome the neediness and mature into loving relationships that honor both individuals involved. Tune in to learn how.“This is also why the level of intimacy you will have in your relationship WILL be directly correlated to how much discomfort you can handle.” - Robert SnowIn this Episode:- Needing vs. Wanting- Examples of neediness- How Wanting differs from Needing- How to know if you’re wanting or needing- Disillusionment — really knowing your partner- Love is about choosing- How to shift your needs to wants and choosingResources Mentioned In This Episode:Everything isn’t Terrible by Dr. Kathleen Smith https://a.co/d/ilXvpfg MYM Resources:8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillarsBecome FREE of resentment ➡️  https://forgive.masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriageTikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

This $20 mini-course can help you overcome resentment ➡️  https://forgive.masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Robert’s back on this episode of the Master Your Marriage Podcast, and together, he and Sharla are going to help you change how you think about your relationship.We often don’t give thoughts the credit they deserve. But our thoughts have so much power over the world around us. Including our relationships. Are your thoughts about your partner based on resentment? Are they even true? Are they mostly positive or mostly negative?If you haven’t stopped to assess your own thoughts recently, this episode is going to shine some light on areas where maybe you are subconsciously affecting your relationship with the wrong thoughts.“We think ourselves into more problems than we realize.” - SharlaIn this Episode:- Should she stay with him?- How thoughts work and impact our actions- Fixed mindset vs. Growth mindset- Absolute red flags of resentment- Dealing with unwanted thoughtsMYM Resources:8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillarsConnect with Robert and Sharla Snow:Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriageTikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

This $20 mini-course can help you overcome resentment ➡️  https://forgive.masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/ Realizing that the partner you chose to be married to will likely never give you the life you always envisioned for yourself can be a pretty terrifying reality…So, how do you hold onto your dignity and self-respect when it becomes clear that your partner can’t give you what you want?When this is the case, is there even a chance your relationship can make it without being miserable for the rest of your lives?Well, the answer is yes. But it’s going to take work.It comes down to learning how to differentiate. And that’s YOU work. Not them.So what is differentiation exactly? It’s ALLOWING someone to really matter to you, really know you, and then being able to regulate your sense of self, when that person doesn’t give you the validation you want.And it’s extremely difficult work.Because, let’s be honest, most of us can all be regulated and mature when we’re getting exactly what we want. But what happens when we’re not? That is when you really get to see where you need to grow. And this is likely where your marriage is requiring you to step up. So, tune in to learn how to practice differentiation.“I think when we recognize that we are fallible, it is a little easier to accept that other people are fallible, too.” - SharlaIn this Episode:- How to move forward in marital crisis- What is Differentiation?- What does it mean to be Invalidated?- How divorce and separation reveal who we are- Tips for working on differentiationAnd more!MYM Resources:8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillarsConnect with Robert and Sharla Snow:Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriageTikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

***If you're struggling with resentment, please consider joining our Forgiveness Mini-Course https://forgive.masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/ ***“Why can’t we stick to focusing on happy, positive things, rather than creating problems where problems don’t exist?” - Person on Social MediaThis was the question that came their way as Sharla and Robert shared about their weekly meeting agenda which included asking each other if there was anything they’ve done to hurt each other that should be processed and forgiven.Well, Person on Social Media, buckle up. Your mind is about to get blown.In this episode, we’re covering a lot of deep and also scientific ways our minds work. From inaccurate memories, to negative and positive sentiment override, and even how resentment manifests as physical pain, there’s an abundance of evidence that shows that letting go is better for you than holding on.Tune in to listen to stories of forgiveness and strategies for how to break free from resentment. “Forgiveness is to set a prisoner free, and to discover the prisoner was you.” - Lewis B. SmedesIn this Episode:- Where do unprocessed hurts go?- Negative sentiment override- Why memories are not reliable markers- What you compromise when you hold onto resentment- Misconceptions about forgiveness- What if you don’t know who you’re needing to forgive?- What is Ho'oponopono?MYM Resources:8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillarsConnect with Robert and Sharla Snow:Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriageTikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

You’ve seen those couples that just seem like they have it all together, haven’t you? They’re so good it’s almost gross. Robert calls these “unicorn relationships,” but whatever you call them, you just know they’re pretty extraordinary. So, what sets them apart? Why are they just so darn good at being together?It comes down to integrity. From doing what they say they’re going to do to looking in the mirror and admitting fault when they make mistakes, good couples are honest even when it’s not easy. So, the question is, can you handle the truth?MYM Resources:8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillarsConnect with Robert and Sharla Snow:Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriageTikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

Have you found yourself wondering lately - is this all there is? Today, let’s uncover the sneaky ways complacency can creep into even the strongest relationships.In this episode, you'll learn:The subtle ways taking your partner for granted can start to pull you apartRed flags to watch for, like disregarding opinions, and brushing off bids for connectionThe power of discovering each other's core valuesAnd so much more.Sharla and Robert will guide you through their practical and simple approaches to building meaningful rituals to rekindle that spark. Tune in to prevent complacency from taking hold.MYM Resources:8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillarsConnect with Robert and Sharla Snow:Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriageTikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

Do you shudder at the touch of your partner? Do you feel on edge and easily triggered lately?You might not even know where it’s coming from – it just happens suddenly. And it makes having sex extremely difficult.If this describes you, you’re not alone. Most couples will experience a sense of disconnection with their partner at some point(s) in their relationship. Life happens, people change, and negative anchors start taking deep holds in our mood together.In this episode, Sharla and Robert discuss a very simple but profoundly helpful exercise that could help you and your partner break the wall standing between you.Fifteen minutes is all you need.Need extra help reconnecting with your partner? Consider signing up for coaching. https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/apply-for-coaching In this Episode:The benefits of HuggingBenefit 1: Building connection and intimacyBenefit 2: Rewiring triggers (Negative anchors)Benefit 3: Regulating your nervous systemThe 15 minute exercise that rewires our connectionStep 1 - Calm downStep 2 - Stand face to faceStep 3 - Move forwardStep 4 - Get comfortableStep 5 - Quiet yourself downAnd so much more!Resources Mentioned:Hugging until Relaxed Exercise comes from “The Passionate Marriage” book by David Schnarch https://a.co/d/hvYyLuJ Ivan Pavlov’s Theory of Conditioned Reflex: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK470326/#:~:text=To%20test%20his%20theory%2C%20Pavlov,sound%20of%20the%20bell%20aloneMYM Resources:8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillarsConnect with Robert and Sharla Snow:Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriageTikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

“Most people are going to have two or three marriages or committed relationships in their adult life. Some of us will have them with the same person." - Esther PerelIt was just one marriage ceremony between Sharla and Robert but if you knew them as a couple in the last three decades, the distinct differences in who they were together would paint 3 completely different pictures. Like asking a child, an artist, and a color-blind person to paint the same image. They’d unlikely look even remotely similar.Change is imminent. It cannot be avoided. So, what do we do when our relationships are being put to the test? We BURN OUR BOATS.We evolve as individuals and as couples, and while sometimes that change can be painful, by burning our boats (and bridges), we decide that it’s better not to hold onto what’s familiar.If you can tolerate the discomfort of growth, together, one day, you’ll realize the incredible meaning and richness that comes to your life for making it through together.Tune in to hear how Robert and Sharla’s relationship has dramatically shifted from a once self-centered validation machine to a now connected and renewed supportive partnership.In this Episode:"Burn The Boats" principlesRedefining our relationship1st Marriage: Infatuation and ValidationPattern Interrupt; Being out of sync2nd Marriage - Complacency3rd Marriage - Renewal and Reconnection; Our Most True SelfAnd so much more!Resources Mentioned:“When your army has crossed the border, you should burn your boats and bridges, in order to make it clear to everybody that you have no hankering after home.” ― Sun Tzu, The Art of WarMYM Resources:8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillarsConnect with Robert and Sharla Snow:Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriageTikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

AI has taken over the business world. But can it help in marriage too?Maybe… if you ask it to plan dates for you. Or write your spouse a poem…No, instead, we’re in an era where we should be asking, “If not intellect, what other skill makes me stand out amongst the robots?”The answer? Emotional Intelligence. Or EQ.The ability to understand your own emotions and to accurately perceive the emotions of others is actually a skill many of us struggle with (one that robots haven’t learned yet either).But without EQ, marriages, and relationships in general, suffer. In fact, Gottman’s research has shown that the 8 predictors for divorce have ONE major theme in common: Low Emotional Intelligence.And this same research was 90-94% accurate at predicting which couples would make it and which ones wouldn’t, by the way…That’s why Sharla and Robert are walking us through 3 ways we can work towards strengthening our emotional intelligence. So, if you’re ready to become smarter than the robots, tune in and gain the skills to improve conflict resolution, resilience, and empathy.“Any person capable of angering you becomes your master.” - EpictetusIn this Episode:What is Emotional Intelligence (EQ)?How EQ helps us strengthen our marriage and endure tough timesRecap on Gottman’s researchThe importance of self-awareness and knowing who you areTaking responsibility for reactions and responses How EQ thrives on Empathy And so much more!Resources Mentioned:The Gottman Method - The couples therapy technique discussedMYM Resources:8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillarsConnect with Robert and Sharla Snow:Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriageTikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

Sharla and Robert are on the hot seat today as Deevo from “A Little Impolite” Podcast questions them on all things marriage, divorce, infidelity, substance abuse,  childhood trauma, and even religion.It’s clear by the numbers on success rate that Marriage isn’t always easy. Here are some that are discussed on this episode:Since the early 1900s, the average age of first marriage has risen to 28 for women and 30 for men, compared to 21 for women and 24 for men historically.Cohabitation before marriage has increased over 900% in the last 50 years.In 1960, 72% of all adults were married, but by 2000 that number dropped to 50%.The percentage of children living with two parents declined from 80-88% to 69% in the early 2000s.Contempt is the number one predictor of divorce.The landscape of marriage is changing. With over 30 years of marriage under their own belts, Sharla and Robert provide a wealth of wisdom from their experiences helping countless couples.For anyone questioning the meaning of marriage or seeking to strengthen their own relationship, this episode offers meaningful takeaways and insights. Sharla and Robert demonstrate how communication, mutual understanding, and personal development are keys to finding fulfillment, whether married or not.Tune in if you dare be challenged.“The beauty of this thing is that she will help me, my partner will help me to become a better person, by uncovering some of that crap that I need to deal with. Then I can learn to grow, and I can learn how to get past it.” - Robert“I think a lot of us use our kids as a way to not deal with this stuff in our relationship. It's a little bit of a scapegoat. And that's not a good thing. There's a way to do both. There is a way to create an actual win-win. And that's not a win-win.” - SharlaIn this Episode:There is no one-size-fits-all approach.How we handle disagreements and conflicts says a lot about the health of a relationship.Being able to understand each other's perspectives, regulate emotions and compromise are important skills.Unresolved childhood trauma can unconsciously impact our adult behaviors if not addressed. Fulfilling long-term relationships takes ongoing communication, mutual understanding and a willingness from both partners to support each other through challenges. Personal development benefits individuals and the relationship.And so much more!Resources Mentioned:The Gottman Method - The couples therapy technique discussedMYM Resources:8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillarsConnect with Deevo Tindall:Check out A Little Impolite HERELinkedIn -  https://www.linkedin.com/in/fusionphotog/ Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/fusionphotog/ Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriageTikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

When you get married, it’s easy to become consumed in the togetherness of it all. But can too much togetherness be a bad thing? What about too much individuality?If your path to “becoming one” has felt a lot like losing two selves, this episode is for you.Robert and Sharla experienced this early on in their own relationship. Their past experiences shaped their patterns in marriage, and between abandonment issues and subconscious manipulation, they were doing more harm to their relationship than good. They were counting on each other heavily to validate their individual self.But they were losing themselves in the process. And not taking any ownership for it. Putting so much pressure on the perfection of the other to make up the difference.And that’s where differentiation comes into play. What is differentiation? The short answer is that it’s the ability to balance attachment and autonomy. Becoming responsible for your part in the equation.Tune in to find out why well-differentiated couples don't need to control each other and how it can have a positive impact on intimacy, sex, and conflict resolution. “Most of us marry and subconsciously hope that we are locked into this validation system. Someone to give us all the validation that we ever wanted. To continue propping us up [...] to make us feel worthy, smart, and good about ourselves. Giving us this positive reflected sense of self.” - Robert“But, it's not real. It’s a borrowed sense of self. And that makes it fleeting, that makes it fragile.” - SharlaIn this Episode:How your Coping Strategies might be affecting your marriageAre you lacking emotional and psychological maturity?What is differentiation and why does it matter?Developing a Strong Sense of SelfBorrowed Functioning: Are you dependent on external validation?What does it look like to be a well-differentiated individual?Debunking Misconceptions about DifferentiationThe Paradox of ControlBenefits of DifferentiationAnd so much more!Resources Mentioned:Book: Intimacy and Desire by Dr. David Schnarch https://www.amazon.com/Intimacy-Desire-Awaken-Passion-Relationship/dp/0825305675 MYM Resources:8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillarsConnect with Robert and Sharla Snow:Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriageTikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

Do any of these describe you and your relationship?- You love your spouse, but you sort of hate being alone with them- When you’re alone with your spouse, you feel bored, anxious, or uncomfortable- You’re so stressed out in life, but when you try to relax, you just can’t- You don’t trust your spouse to go on trips together without it becoming a negative experience- You’re getting bored with your sex life- Or maybe, you’ve felt like this about your spouse: “I don’t even know if I love you or if I want to be married to you.” Even if you said yes to just one of those, it could be time to consider taking a vacation with your spouse ALONE. That means no kids, no social media, no friends, no buffers…Work, life, finances, kids – it can all tend to make us distracted, stressed, or even disconnected from our spouses. Even when you’re doing date nights, and trying to be intentional about connecting with your spouse within your regular life schedule, there’s a lingering sense of life’s demands just begging for your attention.If you’re not careful, this could have painful repercussions in the long run. So, for the sake of your marriage’s future, tune in to this episode to learn how couple-only vacations can lead to better communication, rekindled romance, and stronger emotional connections."Lack of deliberate connection can turn us into strangers" - Robert Snow“A lack of intentional effort is leading to significant detachment and missed chances for connection.” - Sharla SnowIn this Episode:How novel experiences trigger your brain's reward system, leading to those feelings of early-stage romantic attraction.How couple-only vacations introduce novelty into your relationship, sparking renewed passion and connection.How getting away can reignite your sex life.Understand how couple-only vacations offer unhurried conversations, a precious opportunity to delve into deep discussions.Couple-only vacations as an investment in your relationship and individual well-beingGain insights into budget-friendly travel ideas and effective planning strategies to overcome common challenges.And so much more!MYM Resources:8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillarsConnect with Robert and Sharla Snow:Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriageTikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

By the time a couple is ready to call it quits, chances are one, or both, of the parties involved have been complaining for quite some time – and eventually, someone just gets too tired of the complaining.So, how do you avoid becoming THAT couple?Well, you start by accepting influence. Being flexible enough to shift your viewpoint or response based on your partner’s feedback, taking those complaints and letting them affect you — this is what’s necessary to transform your conflicts into opportunities for connection.You might be thinking, “It’s my partner that needs to shift their viewpoint, not me.” Or, “It’s them who needs to be influenced.”Don’t worry. In this episode, we’ve got a secret for how to make yourself more influential too. So, press play as we dive into a “yielding to win” mindset."[Accepting influence] doesn’t mean we have to surrender our deeply held values or dreams, or even agree with everything our partner says ." - Robert Snow“It's crucial to remember that acknowledging your partner's influence doesn't mean you're conceding defeat. It's really just about creating emotional safety and respect, where both of you can express yourselves freely and without fear.” - Sharla SnowIn this Episode:What it means to accept influenceDifferent ways to respond to criticism and requestsHow to become more powerful in the relationshipPhrases you can use to de-escalate criticism and accept influenceAnd so much more!MYM Resources:8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillarsLink to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriageTikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

Compromise never feels perfect.Great, now that we've got that out of the way, let's be honest about what compromise DOES feel like.It can feel like you're giving up too much... like you're losing your identity... Or like your partner is the reason you don't get your dreams fulfilled.Do these resonate with you?Well, good news. It doesn't actually HAVE to feel that way. Gottman research shows that before we start compromising at all, we need to dig deeper into understanding one another to really be able to make compromising decisions. The goal isn't to let go of your dreams, or lower your expectations -- it's to find a solution that honors both of you, and that can't be done if you don't have a strong understanding of the needs, dreams, and core values of your partner.Join us on this episode to learn the 6 steps recipe for compromise. Trust us, it’s a game changer. "Always have the mindset that when you hit an obstacle or conflict, it's a good opportunity to learn and grow together." - Robert SnowIn this Episode:What causes us to vilify each other in the relationshipThe danger of going into resolution mode too fastUnderstanding one another on the deepest levelKnowing yourself more also helps - what can you be flexible about?The temporary nature of compromise And so much more!MYM Resources:8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillarsConnect with Robert and Sharla Snow:Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriageTikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

When do perpetual problems in our relationship become a PROBLEM? When do we need to worry? When partners get so entrenched in their positions, they go into 'gridlock.' And gridlock leads to emotional disengagement and a cascade of isolation – bad news if you're looking to stay in a loving relationship.So how do successful couples handle problems? Sharla and Robert are sharing a powerful communication process that can help you identify what is really going on when you get 'stuck' with your partner. This process fosters real empathy as you seek to understand, not solve. Because the real win-win that we are striving for here is to support each other in our dreams. As we learn to listen and not judge, understand, and not persuade, we learn to grow. And therein lies the opportunity in what we may perceive as an insurmountable problem: personal growth that fuels our capacity for love. Learn too about how 69% of conflicts are perpetual and what it takes to make strides in dealing with them, as well as how to identify the value that lies behind the issue that we are stubbornly staking our identity to. With Robert and Sharla at the wheel, we can soon be well on our way to getting out of gridlock and driving off into a sunset of mutual understanding. Please join us.   "Problems aren't the problem. Problems actually provide adaptive value to the individuals who are in the relationship. They increase our capacity to love and find mutual understanding for one another. They essentially grow us up." ~ Sharla Snow"When you pick someone to have a relationship with, you inherently pick the problems that you're going to have for the next 20, 30, 40 years. And if you don't like those problems, you can pick somebody else. But you'll just have a different set of problems for the next 20, 30, or 40 years." ~ Robert SnowIn This Episode:- Why problems aren't the problem: seeing the opportunity to grow- When you choose your partner, you choose your set of problems- Time, Sex, and Money: the 3 biggest sources of conflict for most couples- Understanding the three different types of conflict: solvable, perpetual, and gridlocked- A listening process for cultivating emotional safety and productivity- Learning to understand, not solveAnd so much more!MYM Resources:- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillarsConnect with Robert and Sharla Snow:- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

How are we building emotional resilience so that we can show up as our higher self in order for our relationship to grow? One proven way is through the power of our breath, something that we are all already doing anyway!Debra Heslin is in conversation today with Sharla Snow, and together, they are exploring ideas around emotional resilience, and creating 'coherence' so that our four connected systems (mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual) are in balance, allowing us to get into a healthy rhythm as we go about facing the day's challenges. Both Debra and Sharla are trainers in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), and Debra's backstory is that she came from high-powered corporate America, and realized there has to be a better way. Now she is a high-performance coach, specializing in NLP, hypnosis, and timeline therapy – and also a trainer for the HeartMath Institute. Learn all about Heart Math, depleting emotions, and how to practice what we do already anyway (breathe) with volition and awareness that then proffers a different result. We do have control over how we respond to the things that happen to us in life. And with some scientifically proven breathing techniques (and some practice), we begin to breathe in the coherence, hit reset, and shift our baseline for what we are capable of responding to in advance so that we don't have to put out fires later on. We have more choices than we realize we have when life throws us situations that are uncomfortable. And what greater gift can we give to one another than our own inner peace and calm? When we do that, we bring our higher selves to our conversation. Please join us in this highly practical and illuminating episode of Master Your Marriage that all starts with our breath. "Basically, we see the world through how we feel." ~ Debra HeslinIn This Episode:- What is Heart Math?- What does Coherence mean?- Understanding depleting emotions- Learning from the 8 Predictors For Divorce- Developing Emotional Resilience by breathing into our heart- How do our batteries get depleted? - Recognizing our depleting emotions- Debra shares the scientifically proven effects of the Quick Coherence Test- A 'Shift and Lift' breathing technique- How do we breathe in these emotions of self-care? - Practice shifts our baseline: 'self-mastery is spelled WORK'And so much more!MYM Resources:- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423- HeartMath Coherence Advantage Training for U.S. times - Use "Heartmath" as the code at checkout. https://www.debraheslinwellness.com/offers/FnwQaDFe/checkout - HeartMath Coherence Advantage Training for AU and NZ times - Use "Heartmath" as the code at checkout. https://www.debraheslinwellness.com/offers/r7Mk4rbe/checkoutConnect with Debra Heslin:- Website - https://www.debraheslinwellness.com/Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

How do you see yourself? How do you see your partner? And how do you think your partner sees you? Decoding our sexual desire is the theme of this week's episode, as Sharla and Robert debunk the Hollywood ideas of what sex 'should' be like in a relationship.Together they get to the heart of what is required to maintain a deep, desire-driven relationship well into the years when cellulite and old age may traditionally start to impact the level of sexual desire for your partner that you would expect to have. Drawing on the work of renowned therapist David Schnarch, they look at the traditional drives of love and desire – Lust, Romantic Love, and Attachment –  and then turn the spotlight on the all-important, less-understood 4th drive: your sense of self. The good news is that desire and attraction can get better as we age together in our relationships. Being secure and honest in who we are, appreciating the differences in the other person, and allowing yourself to be fully seen are just some of the ingredients to this as we learn that our own sense of self is perhaps the biggest driver of our sexual desire. Your chance to be fully seen and fully desired awaits. Please join us.  "When you believe that sex always works naturally and easily – and then that is not your experience – it's easy to go down the rabbit hole of 'I'm defective' or 'There must be something wrong with me.'" ~ Robert Snow"There is always a ‘higher desire’ partner and a ‘lower desire’ partner." ~ Sharla Snow In This Episode:- Sharla shares her sexual education (confusion, shame, and trauma)- How desire drops when we think there is something wrong with us- What can go wrong when we satisfy our ‘lower desire’ partner- The Three Drives of Love and Desire... and then a Fourth!- Understanding how our sense of self impacts our desire- What does having a 'reflective sense of self' mean? - 'Giving up or growing up': shifting our locus of self-worthAnd so much more!MYM Resources:- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423- David Schnarch Intimacy and Desire Book - Intimacy & Desire: Awaken the Passion in Your Relationship - https://www.amazon.com/Intimacy-Desire-Awaken-Passion-Relationship/dp/0825306299/- David Schnarch Passionate Marriage Book - Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships - https://www.amazon.com/Passionate-Marriage-Intimacy-Committed-Relationships/dp/0393334279/Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

What does sex mean for you? Now ask yourself: what does sex mean for your partner? And what about intimacy? Do you and your partner have a clear understanding of each other's needs for both intimacy and sex? Sex, intimacy, and vulnerability. These three ideas end up colliding in the bedroom and either creating amazing sex and connection or creating resentment and distance in your relationship. In this week's episode of Master Your Marriage, Robert and Sharla are gingerly shining a light on the nuances of sex and intimacy because (as they often witness in their relationship counseling) we often end up conflating sex with intimacy, creating confusion.What societal stereotypes are real, and how much are they just a part of our current culture and conditioning? With a bit of historical perspective, we can debunk the myth that men are sex-crazed and that a woman's sexuality should be villainized. Robert and Sharla also explore what goes on in the bedroom for most couples, and then, drawing from personal experience, ask us to widen our scope of interest as we consider what it means to be intimate and vulnerable with each other throughout the day. As we create relationship rituals that foster intimacy and bridge the divide between any awkward expectations when it comes to the act of sex, we can begin to truly express our intimate love and understanding of our partner's needs. * Please be advised that while the content of this episode is not explicit, it may not be suitable for children."Deep intimacy is about being with someone in their wholeness. It's about figuratively being naked with each other." ~ Robert Snow"I think when you have a lot of intimacy in your day-to-day life, intimacy isn't always the requirement for sex." ~ Sharla SnowIn This Episode:- Understanding that sex and intimacy are not the same thing- How sex is portrayed in the media - questioning the stereotypes - The Second Great Awakening - when did women's sexuality become villainized? - What do men want from sex? - Does sex always need to be intimate? - How are we creating intimacy in the non-sexual moments in our relationship? - Exploring some of the relationship rituals that can foster intimacy- What prevents us from being intimate?- Understanding what the meaning of sex is for your partner And so much more!MYM Resources:- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

Defensiveness in relationships has become increasingly pervasive, posing a significant challenge in modern times. It hinders genuine connection, fosters negativity, and breeds resentment. However, Robert and Sharla are here to guide you toward a transformative path.Discover the psychology behind defensiveness as Robert and Sharla shed light on its roots and why it fails as a constructive coping mechanism. Armed with valuable insights, they equip you with practical strategies to overcome defensiveness and reclaim the harmony and intimacy in your relationships.Learn to navigate triggering moments gracefully as they share powerful phrases that can de-escalate conversations, fostering understanding and compassion. Whether it's for your marriage, family bonds, or overall well-being, developing the skills to manage defensiveness is a vital step toward personal growth and healthier connections.Prepare to dismantle the barriers that obstruct genuine connection as Robert and Sharla provide you with the tools to break free from defensiveness and embark on a journey of trust, vulnerability, and renewed love.As always, be kind to each other, take care of each other, and put each other first. Remember that it is the small and simple things we do every day that create strong relationships."Being defensive means rushing to defend yourself when you are faced with an uncomfortable situation or a feeling, rather than being able to sit in it, listening and really talking about whatever that problem is." ~ Sharla Snow  "Defensiveness really is a coping strategy that makes you feel better only in the moment. But it’s not a positive strategy because the cleanup afterward is far, far worse." ~ Robert SnowIn This Episode:- The impact defensiveness has on trust and communication- Why is defensiveness more prevalent today than it was before? - The psychology of defensiveness - Reasons why we get defensive- What defensiveness looks like - The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse that predict divorce - Suggestions to overcome defensiveness - Phrases you can use to de-escalate a conversation - What can you do if you have a chronically defensive partner? And so much more!MYM Resources:- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

{Get the guidebook that accompanies this episode: "Building Love Maps Guidebook, a practical guide to rich and meaningful conversations}Even the best therapy in the world won't work if it only focuses on conflict and fails to focus on building friendship and positive systems of affection with your spouse. In today's episode, Robert and Sharla introduce a skill to help you create a deeper and more fulfilling relationship with your partner. This skill, known as "love maps," was created by Dr. John Gottman. Love maps refer to the knowledge and understanding partners have about each other's inner worlds, including their likes, dislikes, dreams, and aspirations.Robert and Sharla delve into the fascinating realm of love maps and explore how this powerful tool can enhance and strengthen relationships. They discuss the importance of building,  maintaining, and updating love maps and how these maps contribute to fostering intimacy, emotional connection, and long-lasting love.By sharing harrowing personal stories and practical tips, Robert and Sharla offer valuable guidance on creating love maps with your significant other. From deepening understanding to sparking meaningful conversations, this episode unravels the transformative potential of love maps in nurturing thriving relationships. Join us to learn about another skill that will help you take your friendship and intimacy to a new level. There is a companion guide that goes along with this episode, which can be downloaded here."Building love maps means taking a genuine interest in your partner and making mental space to be able to store information about their world." ~ Sharla Snow  "It’s important to keep returning to these love maps. Return and update. Update your knowledge about yourself and each other." ~ Robert SnowIn This Episode:- What to do after managing conflict in your marriage to restore friendship and connection- What are love maps? - Why the transition into parenthood is difficult for most couples - What to do to prevent your marriage from deteriorating when having a child- How to focus on your love maps and not neglect them - How to build a love map from scratch And so much more!MYM Resources:-Building Love Maps Guidebook, A Practical Guide To Rich and Meaningful Conversations (A companion guide to this episode)- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillarsResources mentioned:- Book “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert” by John Gottman PhD and Nan Silver - https://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0553447718 Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

As humans, we all have specific thoughts that don't bring the desired results. These thoughts can make our lives more difficult and cause hardships in our relationships. You may not have chosen them. You may have absorbed them when you were a child, and you have carried them during your life. But the good news is that these thoughts can be changed. In this episode, Robert interviews Sharla to uncover their romantic relationship's different transformations, thanks to changes in their thought patterns. Sharla explains how the tools she got from neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) allowed her to change her rigid thinking patterns and understand that different people perceive different things. When she accepted this radical fact, she realized there was no need to convince someone she was right. We all have our preferences, but when we decide to grow and stop blaming others for our circumstances, we internalize that diverse perceptions are normal and natural rather than threatening. Embracing this will bring more peace and zen to your relationships. Robert and Sharla invite you to challenge your existing thought patterns and consider whether a shift in thinking may bring more peace in your life. And remember, it's the small and simple things we do every day that creates strong relationships.  "Either we can let our old software keep running our life and our emotions on autopilot the way we have since we were a small child and we first learned them, or we can take charge, change our software, create a new course, and navigate our life and our relationships." ~ Robert Snow"I choose to believe that we tend to attract and marry the person that mirrors exactly what we need in this life." ~ Sharla SnowIn This Episode:- A brief overview of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)- The early days of Sharla and Robert’s marriage- What is the “model of communication”? - Why do we all perceive reality differently?- We didn’t choose most of our beliefs (but we can change them)- Your beliefs about other people are more about you than the others- Our spouse is our most realistic mirror - What part of our mind controls projections?- Where does empowerment come from? And so much more!Resources:- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

How do successful couples manage external stress in their relationships? Learning how to become allies with your partner and creating a buffer between the two of you and the pressures of the outside world is the subject of today's important episode.The power of stress-reducing conversations in relationships is a secret ingredient that can elevate your connection, increase your intimacy, and improve trust between you and your partner.Couples that are better equipped to manage the spillover of stress into their relationship are those that embrace the idea of teamwork – seeing their partner as their ally and having a mindset of 'it's us against the world.' What a stress-reducing conversation can look like for you, and how to go about creating that sacred space and precious time for you and your partner to actually hear each other's fears are just some of the insights Robert and Sharla offer in this transformative episode of Master Your Marriage.  We trust this information and advice will leave you feeling calmer and more prepared to deal with life's stresses as a united front. Remember, it’s the small and simple things we do every day that creates strong relationships. Please join us.   "One of the tenets of our coaching program is teamwork. How can we come together and work together as a team?" ~ Robert Snow"Try to show affection and comfort in some way. Let your partner know that they're not alone and that whatever it is that you're facing, you'll face it together." ~ Sharla SnowIn This Episode:- How can men learn to take off their 'armor' from the day? - Having stress-reducing conversations to create teamwork- What does a stress-reducing conversation look like?- Learning to be a comforting presence (and not just offer solutions)- Is it essential for you to take your partner's side? - How to practice empathy and validate your partner's emotions- Showing affection – the power of touch - Turning a stress-reducing conversation into an everyday ritualAnd so much more!Resources:- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

What if there was a better way for your words to have their intended effect on your partner? Honest, non-defensive words have the power to reverse a difficult interaction and restore connection and intimacy in our relationship. How we learn to speak more gently for greater effect is achieved by first appreciating the difference between content and context in any challenging conversation. Robert and Sharla are delicately defining this for us, as well as providing us with the practical tools required in the heat of the moment, such as expressing your 'starting position' with regard to how you actually feel before diving headfirst into an argument that you intend on 'winning.' When we speak softly, we can also express our truth more authentically. Robert and Sharla's unique approach also allows for more personal introspection and growth that we can then bring into our relationship. You have the power to improve your relationship by choosing words that heal, uplift, and strengthen the bonds of your love. We trust you will find this episode to be of great value.    "If we want to be heard, we have to come in more gently." ~ Sharla Snow"Understanding always precedes solution-seeking." ~ Robert SnowIn This Episode:- 'Talk to me like I am someone you love' – lessons in communication from Nancy Dreyfus- Learning to speak our truth gently- What is the distinction between content and context in our conversations?- Articulating your 'starting position' (how you feel) before you begin an argument- 'We are never upset for the reasons we think' – getting to your context - How understanding precedes resolution- Finding a compromise that honors both parties - bringing an energy of connection- Why 'truth' is in the contextAnd so much more!Resources:- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423- Talk to me like I’m Someone You Love (Nancy Dreyfus’ Book) - https://www.amazon.com/Talk-Like-Someone-Love-revised/dp/0399162003Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

Have you ever thought about your partner, 'Can I trust you?' Are there things you want to tell them but don't, because you're afraid of how they will react? If something is holding you back from sharing your feelings with your spouse, or if you and your partner get defensive when negative emotions get brought up, then today's episode of Master Your Marriage is just for you. Developing emotional safety requires trust and commitment. Trust is a precursor for commitment, creating a wonderful by-product that is emotional safety. In fact, research has proven that couples who display trust and show commitment to each other actually live longer (as much as ten years!). Robert and Sharla, our paragons of relationship intimacy, are articulating the nuanced difference between trust and commitment, and showing how they work hand in hand to deepen our emotional safety. Being emotionally available for your partner means tuning into what they're going through. This requires being comfortable with even their negative emotions so you can sense when something is off. So what does listening to your partner actually look like? How can you become less defensive in the moment?The answers lie within, and of course, as we do the work, we become tolerant of other perspectives – even becoming more open to receiving influence from our spouse. There are some great 'Dos' and 'Don'ts' in this episode that address the skill of listening so that we may feel safe emotionally. Please join us! "The underlying issue behind most conflict is, really, 'Can I trust you?' ~ Sharla Snow"The secret to trust is attuning and listening to each other." ~ Robert Snow In This Episode:- How do we create emotional safety? - What is the difference between trust and commitment?- How trust and commitment have a soothing effect on people's emotions and fears- How do we build trust?- How do we become open to receiving influence from our spouse? - Why it doesn't help to be dismissive of your partner's concerns- Understanding the 'Commitment' mindset- Looking at the counterpart of commitment: betrayal- The link between conflict avoidance and infidelity- How can you increase trust and commitment in your relationship?And so much more!Resources:- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

What does it mean when we become 'flooded' during a stressful conversation with our spouse? Last week Robert and Sharla unpacked our emotional 'triggers,' which could lead to 'flooding' – the theme of this week's scientifically strategic episode.It turns out that taking a break during an argument with a loved one can be healthy. It doesn't always make sense to push through a tough conversation just to prove we are invested in our marriage. When we are triggered into a 'fight or flight' response, it can cause us to disconnect emotionally, leading to behaviors that cause hurt and pain. We see our spouse as the 'threat.' This can cause ‘emotional dysregulation,’ which is our inability to use healthy strategies to diffuse our own negative emotions. There's an entire physiological programming that we are up against that, when understood properly, can be used to our advantage as we 'fight' for the survival of our relationship rather than take 'flight' for the sake of ourselves. From understanding our sympathetic nervous system as the accelerator in our body and the parasympathetic branch of our autonomic nervous system as the brakes, we can use tools like breathing and even oximeters for measuring our bpm to calm ourselves down. When tempers flare, self-soothing is the start of showing you still care.Robert and Sharla expertly unpack how we can better understand and regulate our nervous system and ‘pump the brakes’ so we don't become 'flooded' when faced with an emotional crisis. Learning how to harness the tools of simple science may just be the wake-up call you need to prevent 'flooding' leading to 'isolation' and then ultimately 'divorce.' Thankfully, proactive prevention is just one podcast episode away. "When we become triggered, we become activated into a heightened physiological and emotional state." ~ Robert Snow"When we get activated into fight or flight while we're simply talking to our spouse (about maybe a simple disagreement or a difficult subject), that's gonna be problematic, right? Because now our spouse is that perceived threat." ~ Sharla SnowIn This Episode:- How our innate physiological programming is intended for 'life or death' situations- Understanding 'flooding' and the physical reactions we experience when triggered- What is the 'distance isolation cascade'?- A deep dive into understanding our autonomic nervous system- Understanding 'auditory exclusion' and how our hearing can become impaired in stressful situations- That moment when conflict escalates (and our heart rate goes above 100 bpm)- What can you 'not do' when you're flooded?- How do we get our heart rate back to baseline after an argument? - How can we get out of the stressful situation we find ourselves in with our partners?- What are the Three Steps you should take when you're triggered and then flooded?- How can a pulse oximeter help you manage your bpm levels?- What should you NOT do when you're taking a break? - Homework! Coming up with a strategy (with your spouse) on how to take a breakAnd so much more!Resources:- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

I'm triggered! We hear those words more and more these days, but what does it actually mean? And more importantly, how can we get better at managing our own triggers?In today's episode of Master Your Marriage, hosts Robert and Sharla are providing us with the tools we need to better navigate conflict in our own relationship. This starts with a clear definition of what a trigger is and continues with learning how to identify them (and perhaps even their source of origin). Whether you get triggered by your loving partner or a stranger on a plane, the physical reaction to being triggered alone can feel debilitating. Your body may well be responding to old wounds.Luckily, your marriage can be your masterclass in personal growth and development. Robert and Sharla beautifully demonstrate how to engage in trigger-identifying exercises from their own experience that can open the door to more empathy with your partner as well as not trying to change them. After all, real empowerment comes from us taking personal responsibility for our own actions. So after exclaiming, "I'm triggered!" your next question should be: what am I going to do about it?"Triggers are like our emotional baggage that we bring into our relationship. And if we don't take the time to unpack our own baggage, we then blame our partner when they trip over the bags that we've left in the middle of the room!" ~ Robert Snow"There's also a possibility of a generational pattern that can be involved in these triggers as well." ~ Sharla SnowIn This Episode:- What are triggers? - How can a trigger be set off? - Are you being triggered to fight or flee?- How to identify your individual triggers- Understanding emotional intelligence as our ability to recover from triggers- Robert and Sharla share their own triggers with each other - What do you do when you've identified your triggers?And so much more!Resources:- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

How do we go about creating change on an unconscious level? Perhaps you haven't quite harnessed the power of your unconscious mind and are curious to know what it is capable of achieving. What could harnessing that power bring to your relationship?Call it what you like – the subconscious, unconscious, or even preconscious mind – Sharla and Robert are sharing how that part of ourselves simply wants more. And what we feed it is up to us. It can be knowledge and positivity, or it can be perpetuating negative belief systems that may stem from childhood wounds like abandonment. And if we want to show up 'whole' for our partner and feel like we are part of a team in our marriage, we need to be brave enough to work through our baggage so that we don't trip over it! Our power lies in harnessing the conscious mind as the goal-setter, and the unconscious mind as the goal-getter. There's much 'more' inside – for both your conscious and subconscious mind. Whatever you believe about your marriage is your marriage. Please join us. "The unconscious mind is conditioned to continually want and desire and seek out more." ~ Sharla Snow"Our unconscious mind seeks more (good or bad), but the question is: more of what?" ~ Robert SnowIn This Episode:- Understanding Edward Bernays' "Engineering of Consent"- How are the parameters of our unconscious mind established?- Unpacking the abandonment wound and the consequences it can cause - Examining how life can become a confirmation of your bias - What do you truly believe about your marriage? - What could your relationship do with a positive belief system? And so much more!Resources:- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

Are you looking to bring more peace and harmony into your relationship? A State Of The Union needn't just be a presidential wartime address. In another wonderfully impactful episode of Master Your Marriage, Robert and Sharla are offering us their version of a 'State Of The Union.'There are five key steps involved in having an effective weekly check-in with your partner that will no doubt prove to be a total game changer if you are looking to turn your hearts towards one another. Because, let's face it: never before has there been so much information out there, from podcasts to AI, and from social media to internet blogs. So what moves that information out of the headspace and into the heart space? As Robert and Sharla so eloquently explain, it starts with creating rituals that involve making time for one another. This is a sacred time for the two of you, where you begin making micro-adjustments to your relationship through small conversations.All of the tools you need to make that higher-level commitment to yourself and your partner can be found in this episode and then practiced in your own unique version of a weekly relationship check-in. Please join us. “When we create rituals for our own relationships, we are making a higher-level commitment to the most important thing in our lives." ~ Robert Snow In This Episode:- Unpacking Appreciation – sharing an attribute you love about your partner- Understanding why creating rituals is so important - State Of The Union: How To Have an Effective Weekly Check-In- 5 steps you can take with your partner in a weekly State Of The Union connection- Setting the tone of your conversation: 5 positive appreciations- What went right in your relationship this week? - Remembering that conflict has a positive purpose- No coming in hot! Starting with 'I statements' - Learning to listen non-defensively And so much more!Resources:- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

Is it possible to prioritize your marriage without sacrificing your children's needs? Robert and Sharla believe so, and in this episode, they're demonstrating exactly how you can put your children's needs first while also prioritizing your marriage.There's a biological maternal imperative that kicks in when a child is born. Left to linger for too long (consider a child sleeping in the parent's bed as an example), it can cause resentment. The spouse may find themselves way down the family pecking order over time, prioritized even after the family pet!And while the statistics on marital satisfaction post childbirth don't make for pretty reading, Robert and Sharla succinctly offer solutions on making transitions through parenthood with far less stress by remaining steadfast in your commitment to your marriage. What does this look like, exactly? Tune in to find out just how you can model a healthy marriage to your children, setting them up for eventual relationship success themselves one day, with 'The Magic Six-Hour Week' and other tools that foster marital intimacy without compromising your parental responsibilities. "It's crucial for children to experience and witness the love of their parents and the love that they have for one another, not just the love that their parents have for them." ~ Sharla SnowIn This Episode:- In what ways do we put our children before our marriage?- What motherhood has meant to Sharla in terms of her identity- Understanding the biology of why mothers put their children first- What kind of relationship do you want your children to have? - Assessing how we spend our time – what's working and what's not?- ‘Making time’ versus ‘finding time’ for your relationship- The Magic Six-Hour Week - how to prioritize your marriage in just six hours a weekAnd so much more!Resources:- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

Are you ready to roll up your sleeves and process a past fight? Fear not. Today, Robert and Sharla are providing you with a tool for effective repair conversations. And to show you how it's done, this masterfully married couple will be processing one of their past fights (they prefer to call them 'regrettable incidents'), and showing you how to let go of stubborn resentments, deal with past hurt, and empathetically engage with your partner. There are some ground rules to consider (avoiding criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and snowballing), and there are five steps to take that you can then try out as you workshop a 'regrettable incident' of your own. From sharing your feelings to sharing your perceptions (and understanding the difference), and from sharing your triggers to taking responsibility, a constructive plan awaits you to prevent a fight from becoming a lingering resentment... one that could poison your marriage, or become stones in your shoe as you walk this long road of life together. "The second step is to share our individual realities – and to validate one another's realities. ~ Sharla Snow"We hope you're excited to incorporate this process in your relationship. As always, if you need coaching or any help applying this, reach out to us – we'd love to help out." ~ Robert SnowIn This Episode:- How to deal with disagreements in your relationship calmly and empathetically as they arise- Processing a regrettable incident – Robert and Sharla's real-life 'fight'- What are the 5 steps that you can use to process a regrettable incident of your own? - Getting to a place of renewed empathy and understanding with your partnerAnd so much more!Resources:- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

Is there something you had that you didn't know how good it was until you lost it? Don't wait until your relationship is over, poisoned by resentment, to start practicing gratitude. Gratitude is a conscious practice where we actively go looking for things to appreciate in our spouse and in our relationship. Practicing gratitude can not only dissolve our resentments, but it can also shift our habits, and help us see the positive in what we already have.  How can we appreciate those around us in ways that aren't too conditional, so that our gratitude will have the most meaningful impact? Appreciation is one of the core pillars in Masterful Marriage's coaching model – and Robert and Sharla are delving into the nuance of how we can understand and show appreciation,  because they know just how valuable it is to change the habit of the mind (94% success rate!). From writing letters that need never get sent, to renewing positive feelings you once had by following Robert and Sharla's six-step process that will have you contemplating gratitude for your relationship in ways you'd never imagined, the tools you need to Master Your Marriage are but a listen (and then practice) away. Please join us.  "I've always found it fascinating how appreciation can really impact every single relationship for my staff – and then especially in my marriage." ~ Robert Snow"We know that appreciation changes the habit of the mind: it causes us to focus on the positive attributes in one another, rather than on the flaws or the little mistakes from day to day." ~ Sharla SnowIn This Episode:- How appreciation can impact every relationship positively- Why recognition is different from appreciation- Shifting into a positive frame of mind where good things are amplified- Understanding that appreciation is the antidote for contempt- How do we start practicing gratitude to dissolve resentment? - What are the practical benefits of practicing gratitude?And so much more! Resources:- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

Is there a disagreement with your partner that you are still hanging onto? Is the lingering resentment getting in the way of your love? Today Robert and Sharla are talking about resentment – and providing you with three simple steps to overcome it. Just like the pile of junk in your basement that starts to build up as your clutter gets pushed out of sight for convenience's sake, so too does resentment accumulate, just waiting for you to trip over it in the dark, and start another argument with your loved one. Resentment can blind you to what you really want – peace, love, and harmony, plus all the other good stuff that often lies just on the other side of overcoming that resentment. But how do we do it? What does a relationship spring clean look like? The answers lie inside in this absorbing episode of Master Your Marriage, where Robert and Sharla shine a torch on that resentment clutter in your basement and help you to clean it up in three easy steps!"Resentment is this multi-layered emotion and it can consist of many other emotions, like anger, disappointment, hurt, and sometimes even disgust." ~ Sharla Snow"When we are in resentment, we actually withhold intimacy from each other." ~ Robert SnowIn This Episode:- Why resentment is like taking poison – and hoping the other person dies- Why small conversations are better than no conversations- The value in paying attention to your negative emotions- Questioning your own emotional maturity and asking if you have a constant need to be right - How resentment impairs our ability to sleep and focus- What do I want instead? What lies on the other side of your resentment? - Focus on what you want: shifting to gratitudeAnd so much more!Resources:- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423- Book - Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience (Harper Perennial Modern Classics): Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi: 9780061339202: Amazon.com - https://www.amazon.com/Flow-Psychology-Experience-Perennial-Classics/dp/0061339202Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

What is the minimum commitment level you need to achieve if you don't want things to deteriorate in your relationship? How many dates are enough? And how much time should you spend talking to each other? Human connection is a basic human need. Today we are addressing intimacy – how to improve it, how to feel 'seen' by our partner, and how to experience greater empathy as a result.There are five categories of intimacy that you can address as you become the master architect of your relationship. Spoiler alert: it's not all about sex. Though we do address the benefits of a 'feel good' cuddle! It's the small and simple things that you 'drip' into the cave of your relationship that form the beautiful stalactites that become the rituals of intimacy and strong human connection over time. From road trips to date nights, and cold plunges to being open to perspectives other than your own, the drips of intimacy that can feed your relationship are but one thoughtful action away. "Every positive thing that you drip into your relationship will enhance intimacy." ~ Sharla SnowIn This Episode:- What are the five primary categories of intimacy?- What is holding us back from intimacy? - What won't happen if I don't let down these walls?- Understanding resentment as a barrier to intimacy- What does emotional intimacy entail – and how can we create more of it? - What is the #1 thing you can do to improve intimacy in your relationship?And so much more!Resources:-Get the Repair Attempt Cheatsheet- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage- MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage