Love in the Mourning

I have to laugh or I might cry...I am by no means an expert in the area. I share my personal experiences and the horrors of it.On this journey at this point I am feeling the pull for connection with an intelligent, fun, honest man with integrity. I have not found that. This is not about replacing my husband but I will not settle for less than the type of man he was. So, I may never find that person and that is okay.This has been a very teachable moment.Be careful out there, you never know what you are going to get. It's a very vulnerable place to be. How does one navigate this ... I think my story might be a cautionary tail. (insert eye roll). At every turn you are being judged by your appearance and I get it...even when we meet people in person there is that first look. Attraction, chemistry ... maybe? This is not an easy place to be so if you are out there please share your wisdom.From what I understand you need to do a lot dating before you find someone you might even consider going on a second....it might just have to be an organic meeting for me...

In this episode we talk about life after the death of their father, life choices, friendships, fear of other losses, how they navigate life and how their perspectives have changed.Here are some questions our youngest daughter shared with us for this podcast. Unfortunately I didn't get them in time to share on the video but here they are in print. What was it like to go back to life after your father died? Being a mother, wife, friend, employee??? It felt surreal, like I was watching my life happen from a distance, almost like a sort of dissociation. A lot of it was going through the motions after dad died.What parts of your life feel emptier without your dad, and what parts have grown or deepened because of his influence? I miss being able to text with dad...he wasn't much of a texter, he always responded with an emoji more often than not, but he always responded. I'm not sure what parts of me have deepened or grown since he died, if I'm honest. How has losing your father reshaped your sense of of yourself as a daughter, or simply as a person? It feels like there's a part of me that is missing, it will always be missing. Do you ever feel pressure to take on an of your fathers roles within the family? No because no one can be him. There's no point in trying to fill the void he left because it would be impossible. If you are an adult child who has experienced the death of a parent, a surviving parent or a someone curious about grief tune in this is worth the watch. To listen we are on apple, spotify, amazon etc.Thank you for being here.If you like this please subscribe, like and share. Lets keep the conversation going.

Two of my 3 daughters share their personal experience with grief with the death of their father. In this episode they share some memories of him as a father, and the unique experience of becoming a caregiver when your father is dying. Where they found support, their roles and how grief has changed over the past 2.5 years. This in only part 1 we have so much to talk about here.

We need hugs as humans because we are wired for connection, physically, emotionally and neurologically. Touch is our first language, it releases oxytocin, it can regulate our nervous systems. Hugs can bridge the gap between words and help us feel bonded to others. This podcast is another vulnerable account of a grieving human in search of a feeling not a relationship.

Today, we talked about how grief affects the brain. It’s not just something we feel emotionally, grief shows up in the way our brain works too. It can make it harder to think clearly, remember things, or even make simple decisions.And the truth is, grief doesn’t look the same for everyone. It depends on the relationship and how we show our love. Some people cry, some go quiet, some feel numb, others feel everything all at once. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve.Grief shows up in your body, your thoughts, and your heart and when you understand what’s happening inside, you can give yourself a little more compassion. So if you’re feeling foggy, scattered, or just not like yourself, you’re not broken. You’re grieving.

My guest today is the amazing Tatjana Kozak a woman with a beautiful sense of self, peace, awareness and hope. She shares her stories of loss, of love and life embracing all things. We talk about end of life work, the end of life experience losing a loved one, we talk about finding love after the loss of the love the love of your, the stigma, the uncertainty and how Michael her first husband had a hand in sending Robin her husband now and the pain of pet loss. Grief is unique and you are the expert in your story of loss. We grieve what we love and what we loose. Tune in and find out more about Tatjana's grief journey.

A vulnerable, honest expression of a moment in time trust was cracked but somehow we found our way back. "Now, on this side of the story, I carry the ache of that omission, the regret of time lost, and the comfort of those final days where love didn't ask for perfection only presence."

Today I get the honour and privilege of speaking with my dear friend Sue who I met last year shortly after her husband of almost 40 years died. She made the bold move of coming to a virtual Grief Over Dinner. We connected deeply. She is honest, loving, smart, and insightful. She is grieving wife, mother, grandmother, sister, friend and works in a high pressure job. To know her is to love her for real. This podcast is not curated or edited - its raw, real, honest conversation. Please subscribe, like and share.

Thank you so much for being here listening to Love in the mourning...which I affectionately called good mourning...ooops. I combined my two vlogs Good grieving and Love in the mourning.Today we are discussing the myth of time healing. Time does not heal it just keeps time.I share a poem I wrote called "Learning to Dance Within it" by Kathie PowellLearning To Dance Within itA poem by Kathie Powell TimeIt gets a bad rap,Like it's supposed to heal all wounds,Like the ticking of seconds is some kind of salve for a broken heart.But timeTime doesn’t heal.It just keeps time. A quiet, steady witness to our unraveling and our rising.A metronome for life’s song.No matter how offbeat it gets. Time isn’t the healer.We are.Through the tears we let fall,The love we still offer,The forgiveness we learn to extend, especially to ourselves.We confuse time’s purpose.Call it insufficient when pain lingers days, months, years later.But time never promised to fix anything. Time only promised to keep going.To show up, even when we don’t want to. And I I am grateful for time.Grateful that I still have some. How much?No clue.But I know it’s something precious. Like currency. And I want to spend it wisely,After spending time wasting it.I want to spend it Laughing so hard my stomach aches,Loving so deeply it scares me,Learning something new just because, Watching the sunset like it's the first time, Growing into someone softer, Crying without shame,Feeling it all,And living this wild, unpredictable,Beautiful life.Time doesn’t heal.It reveals.It reflects.It remembers. It runs out for each one of usBut keeps ticking.So, I’ll keep pace with my timeNot chase itBut honour it.To let time do what it does best:Keep the beat, While I learn how to dance within it.

I’m so glad you’re here. This is a space where we talk about the inevitable—grief, death, and all the beautiful, hard things we’re often too afraid to name.In this first episode, I’m reading an excerpt from my book, The Hardest, Not the Worst Year: A Widow’s Journey—a reflection on energy. How it cannot be destroyed, only transformed. Just like love. Just like us.Each week we will tackle something different. There are over 43 different types of losses and we will get all of them, I hope. Once in awhile I’ll be joined by guests who will share their stories, thoughts, challenges, healing, and the moments that changed everything. We’ll talk about end-of-life wishes, vigils, legacy, grief (there are so many types of grief) and how to create beauty and peace for both the people who are at end of life and the ones who love them.We’re unpacking the sacred, the messy, the funny, and the deeply human experience of living and of death and all the stuff in between.At the heart of this is love.Let’s begin.