Life on the B Side

What can I tell you about this episode? It might be the last one. No plan, no script, no clue. I need someone to tell me whether I should keep going with this. I can’t concentrate for longer than the length of a TikTok, I am a reluctant helper to those who need assistance and I will thrive off gratitude I don’t even want for doing things I don’t even want to do. This ‘episode’ is the inside of my head verbalised. I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want to listen, but if you do…send help.

This week’s episode is a little different — no deep dive, no wrap-up, just a short, sweet dose of real life from the slightly foggy, slightly festive edge of midlife. You know that feeling when your brain’s juggling twelve tabs at once and every ping, reminder, and WhatsApp message sends you over the edge? Same. In The Hat Trick, I talk about that creeping mental overload that comes with this time of year (and maybe with being this age), before revisiting a piece of writing from 2014 — back when life felt like one big game of “how many roles can you play before you combust?” It’s about the hats we wear — parent, partner, worker, dreamer — and how to stop them from slipping down over your eyes. So, take ten minutes, take a breath, and take it easy on yourself. You’re doing f*cking brilliantly.

This week I’m talking about doing it all on my own — not the kind of “solo” you’re thinking of (behave), but the scary kind where you have no one to blame but yourself. It’s about fear, freedom, and that weird middle ground where you want help… but also absolutely don’t touch anything.

Going out used to be easy. Now it takes a rare planetary alignment and a motivational speech just to put proper shoes on. This week I’m talking about the great energy shift — from 90s chaos and sticky dancefloors to middle-aged comfort and seated gigs — and asking whether we’ve really slowed down, or just redirected the energy somewhere else (like the sofa).

Shorter one today and it's about my first silly decision in my 50s! It’s been 11 years since I last ran a marathon — and I swore I’d never do it again. Yet here I am, lacing up my trainers and setting my sights on Amsterdam 2026. This isn’t about fitness goals or midlife reinvention (well, maybe a little). It’s about falling back in love with running… or at least learning to tolerate it again — one slow, slightly salty mile at a time.

This week on Life on the B Side, it’s my birthday — the big 5-0 — and I’m finally learning how to stop sabotaging my own celebrations. From chip shop dinners and awkward family anniversaries to surprise flights across the Atlantic, this episode is a love letter to birthdays gone wrong (and right), and to finally taking control of what makes you happy. So grab a slice of cake (because why the fuck not) and tune in for a story about expectations, growing older, and finally figuring out how to celebrate yourself — without the drama.

This week on Life on the B Side, I’m taking a short break from moaning about my impending 50th birthday (yes, it’s still happening) to share a story I first wrote six years ago — one that marked the first time I ever spoke publicly about growing up in a home with domestic abuse. It’s not the chirpiest of topics, but it is an important one — especially as October is Domestic Abuse Awareness Month. The story begins in 1989, with a 13-year-old me belting out The Bangles’ “Eternal Flame” and believing I was Susanna Hoffs… until my neighbour’s applause revealed something much darker: that the walls we thought kept our family secrets actually didn’t. If this episode brings up anything for you, please know you’re not alone. Support links are shared at the end of the show.

Turning 50 isn’t the big, shiny reinvention everyone makes it out to be. You don’t wake up on the morning of your birthday suddenly wiser, richer, or with fewer wrinkles — the dishwasher still needs emptying and the dog still needs walking. But looking back on half a century of living (that’s five whole decades, folks), I realised life isn’t really lived in neat 10-year slices. All the chapters vary in length and lesson. In this episode, I take you on a whistle-stop tour through my own ordinary-extraordinary 50 years — because birthdays aren’t deadlines for who you should be by now — they’re milestones to celebrate how far you’ve come.

Episode 41: Fear, F*ck Ups & Finding My Voice – A Year of Talking to the Wall Almost a year ago, I hit “publish” on my very first podcast episode (recorded in a cupboard, no less). Forty-something episodes later, I’m still here — slightly less terrified, a lot more sweary, and definitely finding my voice. In this episode I’m looking back at everything I’ve learned in a year of podcasting: the fear that nearly stopped me, the f*ck ups that taught me more than perfection ever could, and the joy of connection (even when it feels like I’m still just talking to the wall). If you’ve ever thought about starting something new but fear, procrastination or perfectionism got in the way — this one’s for you.

I’ve had two names in my life and I’ve never liked either of them. One no one could pronounce properly, the other belongs to a family I barely see. Neither feels like me. So, what’s a girl to do? Change it, of course. In this episode, I share why I’ve decided it’s time to choose my own name alongside the mess, the meaning, and the mischief in finally picking a name that actually fits. Because if you can’t own your own name, what can you own? Oh and you can have a say if you fancy it...?

Autumn has always felt like a natural reset — a season for slowing down, turning inward, and finding comfort in small rituals. And I am going ti milk autumn as an excuse for all of the above this year. In this episode, I talk about how past therapy now helps me mirror the rhythm of the seasons, why ROMO (Relief of Missing Out) feels especially powerful right now, and the comfort TV that makes my autumn evenings feel just right. I also need suggestions for new comfort TV please…

Today I am celebrating 21 years of marriage to a man I met at a work event. And with that in mind, I decided to share (without planning or script or anything for that matter) the brief story of how that happened. Unlike my marriage, this episode is short, sweet and without incident ;) No, but honestly, this is just me sharing a meet-cute that I think set us off on the right foot…

It's a bit of a stretch to say that there are life lessons to be found in foam parties and champagne diving in the Med. But as I've had cause to think about the holidays I took in my twenties, I thought there MUST be something in those escapades, something that is more than just memories of questionable decisions, cheap cocktails and painful sunburn. And I am I the only one dreading the sound of that Saga Holiday brochure hitting the door mat and it actually being relevant to my age group????

Need some life coaching? Best place to start? Classic 1980s John Hughes films… What does a day off with Ferris Bueller have to do with how we see our own lives? Quite a lot, actually. In this episode of Life on the B Side, I explore the power of perspective — from standing high above Newcastle at Grey’s Monument, to gazing at dots in an art gallery, to watching Ferris and his friends seize the day in Chicago. We might not have realised how much advice Mr Hughes packed into his films when we were young, but rewatching them now is having a profound effect on me so I thought I’d share it with you. P.S. You’re not dying, you just can’t think of anything good to do…

Camping isn’t just a holiday — it’s a crash course in family life. From sleepless nights in a teepee tent to teens glued to campsite WiFi, and one unforgettable trip with a stubborn VW campervan named Albert, I’ve camped through every season of parenthood. Join me for campsite characters, family mishaps, and a reminder that sometimes the soggiest trips make the best stories and teach us the most about ourselves.

Bit of a nostalgia trip in this episode — but not the dreamy, golden kind. Today I’m taking you back to the summer I was 16. A holiday that was meant to be a break from real life... but turned into two long, emotional weeks that I’ve never quite forgotten. It involved: One well-meaning but emotionally unavailable dad A lot of alcohol (not mine) Silent dinners, full ashtrays, and no way home And a teenager trying to make sense of it all It’s raw, it’s honest, and — looking back — it taught me more about boundaries, expectations, and emotional survival than any sunny postcard moment ever could. Because not all holidays are fun. And not all coming-of-age stories come with a sunset.

Ever feel like you're the glue holding everything (and everyone) together? Same. In this episode, I dive into the reality of being the family linchpin and the trap of being a ‘capable woman’. And I accidentally discover what drove me to become the Carlsberg Wife and the decision I have taken to step into something new, whatever that might be…

I gave up booze – and it wasn’t all gains. In this episode, I talk honestly about what I lost, what I found, and what surprised me when I stepped away from alcohol. No preaching, just real talk about sober curiosity, social shifts, and what’s left behind. If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction issues, head to www.drinkaware.co.uk and click on support lines – there's a dozen places you can call for support or advice.

This episode is 4 days late. 4 days! And that’s all down to the one skill I have comprehensively mastered, honed and turned into an art form. Procrastination. Come with me to discover how you too can achieve boss-level procrastination. You might never get anything done again, and you will feel uncomfortable the whole time but then where’s the fun in feeling accomplished? Send help. Please.

Yes, I have been missing for two weeks! But I come back and bring you tales of post-natal ghosts, house-buying and my very own Nurse Ratched. And yes they are all linked!!

Just because school’s out doesn’t mean we don’t keep learning a thing or two. What a f*cking ramble this is! It’s been like a parent therapy session for me :) The ‘lessons’ and observations in here apply to school life whether your child has just finished formal education or they’re just starting out. TBH they probably apply beyond the school years so if you wanna hear someone chatter on about catholic convent school in the 80s and 90s, modern creative way kids can torture each other and how there is no grey area in maths (you’re either great or shit at it) then this episode is for you. Well done Class of 2025! You did it! (And Covid will not spoil the celebrations this time).

What do a broken penis, a bad acid trip and a gun have in common? Answer is they are all stories from one 6-month house-share. These are absolute A-side stories because I’m not sure my B-side brain could cope with this level of drama these days. There are definitely some lessons to be learned from these events but some took longer than others to sink in. Still, they’re great ice breakers I guess…

There was a time I had a look. I was styled, curated, possibly even iconic (in my own head). But now? My wardrobe won’t return my calls. In this episode, I’m digging through my style history — from the fashion highs of the 90s to the current-day chaos of not knowing what to wear... at all. Was there a peak? Did I miss it? And what do you do when your clothes no longer feel like you? If you’ve ever stood in front of your wardrobe and wondered what happened to your once-glorious fashion intuition — welcome. You’re in the right place

This week on Life on the B Side, I’m taking a nostalgic trip back to the 80s and 90s — the mixtape years where we learned about patience and the lost art of just being bored. Join me as I share three things I genuinely miss from those decades, and why they still echo in my life today. Whether you grew up in that era or just love a bit of retro comfort, this episode is a warm, reflective journey to things being a lot bloody simpler!

Is it just me, or does life start to feel... compact as we get older? Not in a minimalist, Zen kind of way — more like, “When did my idea of a big night out become a garden centre café and a browse in B&M?” As the world quietly shrinks — fewer last-minute adventures, more “meh, it’s too far” — I’m wondering: am I being charmed into becoming a local lifer? Or is there a chance that the next phase of life might actually expand my world again? Maybe I’m ready to rediscover the city (and myself) — with less FOMO and more comfy shoes.

It’s really easy to let encouraging and supporting your child to reach their potential turn into living through them and their achievements. In doing so you can end up claiming victory for yourself while your child is left pursuing a dream that is no longer theirs. But don’t panic! It’s never too late to let that inner child out to play…

You don’t get to this age without the odd look around to see how successful you are in comparison to others. But wait! Should we really be measuring our life’s success in monetary value and volume of possessions? Even if you think you should have been more ‘successful’ in life by now (whatever that means), there is still plenty of time for some personal bests…

PART ONE: Getting Your Timing Right From talking to teenagers, sliding doors moments and bank robberies. Adulting is all about timing. And that’s not sexy. Or fun.

While this episode started off under the guise of being about GCSEs and real-life work experience, it ended up using the phrase ‘faecal chatter’ more than once. All I can do is apologise for this one.

We all chase a dream – the dream life, the dream bod, the dream relationship, the dream bank balance! And in pursuit of these goals, we invest HEAVILY. We invest our money, our energy and our time. But sometimes the goal shifts or it just gets trickier to attain, and the amount we have already invested becomes a dead weight, anchoring us to the spot, to the dream. “If you stop now you’ll have lost all that time / money / energy…” News flash! It’s already gone regardless of whether you hit your target. The two occasions I called time on my investment were ultimately the most liberating and saved me money and my sanity. You gotta know when enough is enough…

There’s a saying - "What you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while". But sometimes, what you do once in a while can have a profound effect on what you do every day. It can be hard to reset yourself but if you’re lucky enough, you might have a Factory Reset Friend who comes along and pushes the right buttons to get you back to what was normal before normal was this. Make sense? It will.

Moments of disconnect happen to everyone, right? Join Maria as she takes on a little exercise to identify why she can’t create a vision for her life and what the biggest barrier to discovering her purpose is. The 5 why’s exercise: https://www.oakland.edu/Assets/upload/docs/Pawley/Lean-Enrichment-Activities/LEA---5-Whys.pdf Good ol’ Bob Proctor for a bit of woo woo: https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=3w4OIypyneo&t=0s

Once the journey into midlife gets underway, one town you might visit is Crisis-ville. It’s situated somewhere near Parent Village and Invisibility Central. Navigating your way through Crisis-ville isn’t as tricky as you might think though. Just remember, that YOU are your map. And if you change yourself entirely en route, you are 100% bound to get lost.

Show name change! Why? Because I refuse to talk to myself, or a wall. Because actually, this is just Life on B Side. And some B sides have been known to be better than the A sides. Not sure if you’re on the B Side? Well, if you know what a B Side is then tag, you’re it. But just in case, here’s 5 subtle clues to help you recognise your B Side status. You’re welcome :)

There’s not much I don’t feeling guilty about. Being a sh*tty daughter is near the top of the list though. I’m not always sh*tty. Only when it matters. And just when I learned to live with the weird warmth of accepting that I could have done better, my Dads diligent note-taking came back to haunt me...

ME: Valentine’s Day is utter horseshit, yes? Can we agree on that? THEM: OK, so what’s really important in a long-term relationship? ME: Earplugs, distance, a good solicitor? THEM: *unimpressed* ME: OK, so after 20 years of marriage, here’s what I think…

When Maria finds herself apologising to food, it sparks a few questions… Why do we say sorry so much? How do our past experiences of apologising shape why we say sorry? And why, oh why, did she apologise for her boobs and a work colleague’s punctured testicle?

Lists, lists and more lists. Apple watch notifications. And the world’s most annoying app. The constant stream of tiny things to do, questions to answer and general background noise can be a f*cking nightmare… Send help! (Here’s a link to a bunch of suggestions on how to handle ‘overwhelm’:https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2025/jan/01/make-a-much-shorter-to-do-list-15-quick-simple-ways-to-avoid-overwhelm Please Note: I haven’t tried any of these….yet)

It might be a New Year thing or an age thing, but quitting things is definitely a topic of discussion at the moment. Maria looks at how you know when it’s time to quit something and how it’s better to reframe the decision for the positive.

Maria has unlocked a new level of parenting – guiding your children through their first broken hearts. Listen as Maria examines her own break up CV (she has plenty of experience) and provides her guide as to how she sees the new rules for today’s dating game. Good luck kids! This game is getting more complicated every day...

Not every Christmas is a merry one, but happy endings are sometimes achievable. The trouble with bad memories is they keep floating out of the woodwork like festive ghouls intent on ruining your happy vibes. Maria shares how her first 14 Christmases were pretty cruddy and how their lingering presence needs to be put to rest once and for all. Contains a theme of domestic abuse, just so you know. Nothing graphic though. For help with domestic abuse, please visit https://www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-abuse-how-to-get-help for a list of services available.

If you listened to Episode 3 then you’ll want to hear this one :) Listen in to find out the names of all the 90s bands included in Episode 3! Maria will guide you through each one. How many did you get?

When a man ‘of a certain age’ dismisses the concerns and accusations of women ‘of a certain age’, it shows he doesn’t have a clue about the lived experience of women. This episode contains some details of Maria’s own potted history of sexual violence and harassment and why women of a certain age are just fed up now…

How, after almost 30 years of consigning university to a bin labelled failure, reliving shared experiences with old friends helped Maria salvage a part of herself she had forgotten. There was physics, biology and a bit of chemistry. You can’t rewrite the past, but you can reframe it.

27 years after graduating it’s finally time to attend a reunion of sorts. But after almost 3 decades, Maria can finally admit that university didn’t turn out the way she’d hoped at 18 and that she probably shouldn’t have gone in the first place… And also, what does she wear?

Everyone’s got one. Some folks are so desperate to share their opinion (not their, well, you know what) that they won’t wait to be asked. But not all opinions are created equal and the trick to getting value from someone else’s thoughts is to work out what you need and who you need it from… https://www.theguardian.com/society/2024/nov/10/the-best-advice-ive-ever-been-given-celebrities-share-their-wisdom

Aah the 90s. Who doesn’t look back on that decade with fond memories? Memories is all we really have as there’s very little photographic evidence of what we got up to. We still have the music though! Maria’s obsession with Absolute Radio 90s inspires this very short episode but don’t be fooled, you’ve got a job to do… Can you find the 60+ band names hidden in this episode?

Thought teenage friendships were difficult to navigate? Well not much has changed. Except maybe the new ways we can kill our friendships these days. Maria didn’t expect to use social media to assassinate a friendship in her 40s, but that didn’t stop it happening. And just when she thought it was resurrected, well what goes around comes around doesn’t it?

What makes a 48 year old woman with a crippling fear of failure suddenly decide to launch a podcast? Maria explains why now is the time for Gen X women to ditch any obsession with perfection, forget shame or embarrassment and look beyond the constraints of being the sandwich generation. There are stories to be shared, lessons to be learned and even more ridiculous adventures to be had. And this is Maria’s first…