Life Examined

Brad Stulberg, author of Master Of Change: How To Excel When Everything Is Changing — Including You shares his observations of humanity, resourcefulness, and community after his hometown of Asheville, North Carolina was hit by Hurricane Helene. The devastating storm left residents without power, water, and communications for days on end. In the aftermath of the storm, neighbors sprang into action by sharing, gathering, and helping each other wherever they could. Stulberg shares this anecdote about observing his community:“People came together like I had never seen before. And for those that aren't familiar with western North Carolina, Asheville is a very blue political place, but the surrounding areas are quite red… All of that just completely went away, it was just pure connection on a human level.”Stulberg likens this experience of hope and resilience to the concept of "tragic optimism," as described by Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl’s book Man's Search for Meaning. Frankl argues that even in the face of pain and despair, we can choose to remain hopeful and optimistic. “We need to be able to look these tragedies in the eye,” Stulberg explains, “expect that they're going to happen and at the same time be optimistic – trudge forward with a hopeful attitude. And Frankel would argue, not in spite of those tragedies, but actually because of them. There's so much in life that is hard, what is going to sustain us through the hard times is also embracing the beautiful when it's there and holding on to it.” All proceeds from the sale of Brad Stulberg’s book, Master Of Change: How To Excel When Everything Is Changing — Including You, through the end of the year will go towards relief funds helping those impacted by Hurricane Helene in Western North Carolina.Stulberg, who frequently writes and speaks about mental health and human potential, also addresses his concerns about a current (and well-documented) crisis of masculinity. He does this by sharing some of the latest data on mental health and friendships. “Men are four times as likely than women to die by suicide, right now,” Stulberg tells us. “Nearly half of male teens say that they've never dated — almost double the rate of previous generations. 30 years ago, a majority of young men said that they had over six good friends. Today, the majority of young men say they have only three friends and 15% of young men report having no close friends.” While there is no single cause for “the increase in loneliness and the male loss of status or feeling like you don't matter,” Stulberg highlights one observation he’s made, and that’s the change in youth sports. Once a community-driven, recreational outlet, “youth sports [have] become increasingly professionalized now. In many areas, you have to pay to play, it's all about travel teams. So these outlets that men used to have to feel really good about themselves are harder to access for a lot of folks.” Delve deeper into life, philosophy, and what makes us human by joining the Life Examined discussion group on Facebook. Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

A warning to listeners: The following conversation references suicide, suicidality, and content that is inappropriate for young listeners. Even before the pandemic, there was an increasing awareness of the decline in mental health of children and young adults. Researchers and scientists have talked and written about rising levels of anxiety in today’s youth, and many have pointed to the pervasiveness of smartphones and social media, which have exponentially magnified concerns for the mental well being of a generation. Andrew Solomon, writer and professor of clinical psychology at Columbia University Medical Center, recently penned an article for The New Yorker titled “Has Social Media Fuelled a Teen-Suicide Crisis? ” In his piece, Soloman investigates what’s fuelling the the spike in suicide among Americans between the ages of ten and twenty-four. Quoting the work of Dr. Judith Edersheim at Harvard, Solomon says: “It’s like taking little children and putting them in an all night casino where they serve chocolate flavored bourbon. It's designed to be addictive, it is addictive and that addiction has devastating consequences.” Solomon interviews dozens of parents and shares the poignant and heart wrenching accounts of how so many of them were totally unaware of the online world in which their children were living. As one father who had lost his son to suicide explained to Solomon, “I was, I thought, such a good father. I checked around the house every night. I locked the doors. I made sure my children were safe. I didn't know that the lion was already inside the house.”Solomon further explains that this all has so much to do with the insidious nature of the algorithms, which feed not on vulnerabilities, but bring about a sense of normalization. If a kid looks at content about being a little depressed, Solomon tells us that “then they start showing you people who are more depressed. “They want to hook you,” he continues, “what they send you has to gradually become more extreme and eventually you escalate to people who are killing themselves on camera and posting it on social media platforms while they are doing it.” Parents, educators and lawmakers are working hard to bring attention to this; some argue that social media is only “only one layer” in the crisis. Lawsuits have made their way to the Supreme Court but so far, Solomon informs us: “The Supreme Court has refused to overturn Section 230. The legislative work that was supposed to have an effect on placing constraints on the operations of social media companies, have all got stuck in committee, despite the ‘bipartisan agreement that there need to be restraints.’”Solomon advises parents to educate themselves and talk to their kids, though inevitably the younger generation who has grown up with technology is going to be ahead of the game. “The idea of being able to monitor all of what your children are doing is a ludicrous fantasy,” Solomon admits. “So I think that's all not very effective, but you can at least be aware and talk to your children.” Delve deeper into life, philosophy, and what makes us human by joining the Life Examined discussion group on Facebook. Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

This week British author Raynor Winn reflects on healing, hope and resilience. Finding herself homeless and coping with her husband’s recent health diagnosis - Winn and her husband set off on a long distance walk. As they set out together they discover how their perspective changes - and how much of their anxiety and bitterness melt away. ​This episode with Raynor Winn was originally broadcast, October 8th, 2023 Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

*This episode was originally broadcast Saturday, June 26th, 2021Over the past few decades, Buddhism and psychology have served as bridges connecting Eastern and Western thought. Believing that nothing is permanent, Buddhism presents an honest understanding of our minds — how we spend so much of our time thinking about the past and future, and struggle to stay in the present. Harnessing these insights, psychologists and therapists have incorporated Buddhism into therapy by teaching mindfulness meditation practices, and the power of observing our own thoughts and emotions rather than trying to get rid of them. KCRW’s Jonathan Bastian talks with Tara Brach, a clinical psychologist who has spent decades studying Buddhism, meditation, and the incorporation of Eastern thought into her Western practice. She holds a PhD in clinical psychology, and has spent dozens of years studying Buddhism and meditation. Brach, one of the most sought-after Buddist teachers in America, explains why the stillness of meditation is “exquisite,” and how the simplest of acts may be the purest. Her books include “Radical Acceptance, Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha,” “True Refuge: Finding Peace and Freedom in Your Own Awakened Heart,” and most recently, “Trusting the Gold: Uncovering Your Natural Goodness.” Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

This week Rabbi Steve Leder on why we should consider what we leave those closest to us when we die to include a legacy letter or ‘ethical will.’ Rabbi Leder reminds us that it’s not only our material possessions that matter when we’re no longer around but what will be cherished most are our words, our guidance, and our love and gratitude. ​This episode with Rabbi Steve Leder was originally broadcast, May 28th 2022 Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

Potawatomi botanist Robin Wall Kimmerer discusses the philosophy of a “gift economy” in her latest book The Serviceberry, expanding on the theme of reciprocity from her 2013 book Braiding Sweetgrass. At a time of increasing consumerism and declining natural resources, gifting, Kimmerer reminds us, is a truly renewable resource. She draws on the example of the serviceberry and its remarkable ability to give: “In my Potawatomi language, the word for berry ‘min’ is also the root word for gift and for gift giving. So when you see them hanging there ... They're just meant to attract us, right? And they do! They have what we need in sweetness, flavor, and calories. Every time I pick berries, it just opens that sense of ‘I didn't work for these. I didn't deserve these. I don't own these, and yet here they are in my bowl.’”The serviceberry works as a simple metaphor for Kimmerer to explain why the “gift economy” is so ecologically important. Kimmerer explains that a small dish of berries can multiply with every exchange. Its currency isn’t measured in dollars and cents, but in the sense of community and relationships that gifting and gratitude fosters. “The goods and services that economics are meant to provide for us, they are material, they are the things that we need in order to live,” Kimmerer continues. “Those are often commodities, but the things that we hold most precious, like pure water, the taste of wild berries, and the regard of our neighbors — the trust of our neighbors — those can never be commodified. For those, we have a ‘gift economy.’” The Serviceberry is an invitation to think about how we live our lives. Drawing on native beliefs and traditions, Kimmerer explains that the abundant fruits of the humble serviceberry serve as a sweet reminder of our interdependence. It reminds us that all flourishing is mutual, “from bees, to birds, to microbes, to us.” With the limitations of resources and the finite nature of water and minerals — we should strive for an “economy of balance rather than growth.”Delve deeper into life, philosophy, and what makes us human by joining the Life Examined discussion group on Facebook. Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

This week clinical psychologist and author Dacher Keltner delves into the science and mysteries surrounding awe and shares that awe is not just found in nature or music but most often in the moral beauty of other people.​This episode with Dacher Keltner was originally broadcast, February 4th, 2023 Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

The plight of Black farmers in America has a dark history. The trauma of stolen lands and exploited labor may explain why there are now relatively few Black and Indigenous people in farming, agriculture, or even within environmental activism. Leah Penniman is one farmer fighting to change that. Penniman explains that there’s a rising generation of Black and brown farmers reexamining their relationship to the land and reclaiming the farming and agricultural practices once held by their ancestors. Penniman, who is the co-founder of Soul Fire Farm, says that “Black farmers had already declined from 14% of the nation's farmers in the early 1900s to just about 1% today.” As a result of racism and discrimination Penniman says, “millions of acres of land were lost out of the Black community, and with that so much intergenerational wealth and knowledge.” Penniman says her mission with Soul Fire Farms was to help end racism and injustice in the food system and explore and embrace of her own ancestral heritage to the land and agriculture; “nature as a source of spiritual connection permeates African diasporic thinking and very much informs the way we [operate] at Soul Fire, but also [how] the broader rising generation are conceptualizing our relationship to the land.” “The food system pertains to all of us. All of us eat, so all of us are connected. All of us are complicit, but also all of us have these immense opportunities to contribute to change as consumers in the food system.”For over 20 years the Reverend Lennox Yearwood has also been fighting for racial and environmental justice. Born in Shreveport, Louisiana, Rev. Yearwood has always had a strong affinity for music; “all music, particularly hip-hop and jazz. R&B, the Blues… for me, music was really more a pathway to the soul, just a way to escape. Music is so uplifting, it's so encouraging, it's just so beautiful — particularly with instruments and singing.” Rev. Yearwood is President and CEO of the Hip Hop Caucus — a national nonprofit, nonpartisan organization which began in 2004 and leverages hip-hop culture to encourage young people to vote and participate in the democratic process. Rev. Yearwood’s passion for music ties into his environmental activism and his work on human rights issues in the Gulf Coast region after Hurricane Katrina. “Hip-hop’s roots are based in people who have been put in sometimes very difficult situations. They're using their cultural expression to shape their political experience. They’re talking about what they're going through, and they're trying to use music and culture to explain and sometimes bring light to situations.” “Chuck D said that [hip-hop] ‘became the CNN for those communities.’ And so … listening to that, hearing that music, and hearing the power behind it definitely drew me into wanting to be a part of it.” More: Chuck D on creating ‘naphic grovels,’ embracing mistakes (Press Play, 2023)Rev. Yearwood is actively involved in seeking environmental justice. He continually highlights racial disparities and heightens awareness of the social and economic issues that negatively impact Black people. The Hip Hop Caucus’ short film Underwater Projects sheds light on the coastal urban flooding happening in Norfolk, Virginia — including its effects on a historically Black public housing community. Eternally hopeful and with a strong sense of faith, Rev. Yearwood is optimistic that things can be done to make life better: “When we come together, we do well. That's my prayer, that's what keeps me excited, motivated, and lets me know that at some point in time… That the power of humanity is just an amazing, beautiful thing.” Delve deeper into life, philosophy, and what makes us human by joining the Life Examined discussion group on Facebook. Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

This week clinical psychologist George Bonanno at Columbia University explores resilience and challenges some traditional notions about trauma and says that humans are far better at confronting and coping with adversity than we think. ​This episode with George Bonanno was originally broadcast September 17th, 2023 Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

Throughout our lives we face situations that require a response. While events unfold around us, how we choose to react — or whether we choose to react at all — is entirely within our control.The concepts of justice and virtue are central to author Ryan Holiday’s latest book, Right Thing, Right Now: Good Values. Good Character. Good Deeds. Holiday explores how the ancient Greek philosophers Marcus Aurelius, Aristotle, and Seneca sought to provide a more pragmatic approach to happiness and virtue… And whether those same principles can impact how we live today. “The Stoics,” Holiday says, “are all about focusing on what's in your control.” Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

With the U.S. election just days away there’s a palpable sense that with whichever candidate emerges victorious, it could signal the beginning of the end for their opponents. Whether this election is truly different from those of the past, or simply a byproduct of hyperfocus from the media — voters shouldn’t throw their hands up in despair. Throughout American history, everyday people have driven change in small and incremental steps. And these steps are largely unseen and unheralded. In her book The Small and the Mighty; Twelve Unsung Americans Who Changed the Course of History, author and former high school teacher Sharon McMahon emphasizes that now is not the time for apathy: “We get so caught up in Trump vs. Harris, that it's easy to forget that our real lives are being deeply impacted by the people who literally work on the other side of town. … We do not have to wait for the right leader to win an election.”McMahon says hope is a key element in fighting any anxiety we may have about the election. “Hope is not a feeling that you wait to experience,” McMahon tells us. “Hope is not attached to an individual. It is not attached to the outcome of an election.” “Hope is a choice that we can make,” she continues, “Hope is an orientation of the spirit. In the words of Bryan Stevenson: ‘It's an orientation of our spirit, and we do not have the luxury of giving up hope.’ Because hope is our only chance at making positive change in the United States and in the world.”The deep political divisions in America have fostered a belief that as a nation we have become increasingly tribal. In fact, if you listen to any pundit, “tribalism” is used in a negative way.In his new book TRIBAL: How the Cultural Instincts That Divide Us Can Help Bring Us Together, author Michael Morris explains why the words triablism or tribe are not only misused, but also misunderstood. Tribes used to be referred to as “an enduring community,” Morris says. “During the era of colonial expansion and imperialism, tribalism started taking on a negative connotation involving notions of stasis and primitivism.” “The distinctive way of social life in our species is living in very large communities that transcend kith and kin, that are that are glued together by shared ideas, by shared beliefs, otherwise known as culture,” Morris affirms. “And so, large groups held together by cultural glue is the human form of social organization. Otherwise known as tribal living.”Morris highlights that tribes have played a crucial and positive role in human evolution. Tribes are, “what enable us to collaborate intellectually. And almost everything impressive that humans have built has come from intellectual collaboration.” Tribes also facilitate the sharing of knowledge as Morris further imparts: “Today, 99% of what you and I know is not something that we figured out directly ourselves. It's the knowledge that we inherited. We can not only do impressive things based on other people's knowledge, but we can collaborate with other members of our culture because we have this shared legacy of knowledge in common with them.” Delve deeper into life, philosophy, and what makes us human by joining the Life Examined discussion group on Facebook. Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

This week Oliver Burkeman journalist and author of “Meditations for Mortals” discusses the complexities of trying to be perfect in an imperfect world. Accepting our limitations, he says, is a pathway to liberation and happiness. ​This episode with Oliver Burkeman was originally broadcast October 27, 2024 Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

Journalist and author Oliver Burkeman discusses the complexities of happiness, well-being, and productivity — emphasizing the futility of seeking a single solution. Burkeman offers guidance on why we shouldn’t sacrifice the very essence of living in search of perfection and doing it all. Treasuring those simple moments in daily life, which doesn’t mean settling for less, Burkemans says, “is a precondition for a really full life.”Delve deeper into life, philosophy, and what makes us human by joining the Life Examined discussion group on Facebook. Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

This week Kate Murphy, journalist and author of “You’re Not Listening: What You’re Missing and Why It Matters,” sheds some light on the value of true friendships, why quality is often more important than quantity and why it is so important to give time and space to the friendships we truly care about. ​This episode with Kate Murphy was originally broadcast June 5th, 2021 Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

As the years go on and as science and research advances, we’re learning more and more about how animals are able to use sound and vibrations to effectively communicate with each other. Elephants, for example, can communicate through seismic vibrations felt through the pads of their feet. So what do we know about the nature of sound? How has it defined who we are and how we live? What role does it play in the lives of hearing individuals, deaf individuals, and everyone in between? In his book Experiencing Sound: The Sensation of Being author Lawrence Kramer writes that “sound is an agent of transformation.” Throughout human history, “sound is one of the fundamental phenomena that links us to the sense of inhabiting and sharing a world.” Of all the human senses, contrary to what we might think, sound is “a uniquely empowered form of sensory experience that links us to our lives and our being more intimately than sight does.” “Sound is always inside us as well as outside us, and heightened experiences of sound really take that vibratory presence and amplify it so that our most intense experiences of sound are really whole body experiences.” Carolyn Korsmeyer, research professor of philosophy at the University at Buffalo and author of several books including, Making Sense of Taste; Food and Philosophy explains why there’s so much more to taste than flavor. “Taste,” Korsmeyer says, “deserves greater respect and attention.” In addition to providing physical pleasure, eating and drinking bear symbolic and aesthetic value in the human experience. “One of the prejudices against taste is that it's all in your mouth,” Korsmeyer shares. “It's only about the flavor that is happening in your taste buds right now. But it is usually outer-directed as well. I am not just tasting, I'm tasting a strawberry. I'm not just drinking, I'm drinking a Coca-Cola — or a beer, or a glass of wine, [etc.] So taste, people think of it as being entirely subjective. By that, I think they mean it's just yours, but it really isn't.” She also talks about the evocative nature of the human touch. Korsmeyer argues that touch, along with being psychologically beneficial, can offer a deeper and perhaps even spiritual connection. “When you are in the presence of something very old, or very special, or [something] that belonged to someone whom you have an attachment to and you touch it, you are, in a sense, feeling that age. That specialness, that person … There's a proximity and an intimacy that touch permits that I think is often overlooked.”Delve deeper into life, philosophy, and what makes us human by joining the Life Examined discussion group on Facebook. Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

This week Judson Brewer psychiatrist, neuroscientist at Brown University and author of “Unwinding Anxiety: New Science Shows How to Break the Cycles of Worry and Fear to Heal Your Mind” addresses how we can recognize certain behaviors that trigger anxiety disorders. Continually worrying feeds into an anxiety habit loop and the more we worry, the more anxious we become. Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

The amazing sights of the vast African savannas are familiar to many of us through the lens of superb documentary films and videos. Though there are many animals we watch with awe, there’s one rather peculiar looking animal that captivates the heart — the elephant. So much about elephants make them intriguing creatures: The oversized ears, the unique nature of their trunks (which, by the way, have more muscles than an entire human body), and perhaps most of all the fact that they’re a lot like us. Elephants are loving, loyal, intelligent, family oriented, and great at teamwork. Elephant scientist and author Caitlin O’Connell has spent the last 30 years in Namibia’s Etosha National Park studying elephants. Amongst the many things O’Connell’s observed is the value and effort elephants place on greeting, playing, and communicating with each other. These are behaviors which O’Connell has observed could help us understand ourselves better. “The most powerful thing that struck me in the beginning,” O’Connell says, “is the importance of greeting. They may have only been separated for a few minutes, because the matriarch is older and slower, and she took a little longer to get to the waterhole than the rest of the group. All of a sudden [once she arrives] they have a huge greeting ceremony for her. Each one will place their trunk in her mouth and they get all excited and flap their ears. Also, for elephants, part of the greeting is urinating and defecating because they get so excited … But just seeing all of these rituals that we can see in our own lives and the importance of them, it's always a reminder to me that, ‘wow, we take some of these things for granted, that they don't.’”O’Connell, a conservation biologist at Harvard Medical School and award-winning author of Wild Rituals: 10 Lessons Animals Can Teach Us About Connection, Community, and Ourselves, has specifically focused on researching the ways elephants communicate with each other — including the intriguing ground-based vibrations of an elephant’s “rumble.” “For a long time we knew that elephants emit these low frequency rumbles in the range of 20 hertz for a female, 10 hertz for a male,” O’Connell tells us. “They communicate in this way so that [their sounds] travel long distances … Those signals are something that they use to coordinate.”Perhaps the most touching and moving ritual O’Connell describes, is how one elephant will grieve the loss of a family member: “They would touch the bones in a way that it wasn't like a salt lick — like [the way that] you see some animals sucking on bones of other species — [theirs] was more a tactile exploration. They would take the end of their trunk and press it down [for example] on the hip of this individual [elephant].” “He [the elephant] would take the sand, a little bit moist as it hasn't been that long since this [other] elephant passed away, and he would take the sand and press it against his chest and press it behind his ears in such a delicate way that it was almost as if he was trying to carry him. It was really compelling. I just have never seen that before.” Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

This week Peter Wohlleben, renowned German forester and author of “The Hidden Life of Trees: What They Feel, How They Communicate,” talks about the age-old connection between humans and the forest and encourages us to take notice. Wohlleben says that research indicates sitting under a tree or ‘forest bathing’ is beneficial for our health - it can reduce blood pressure and help us to stay calm and relax. Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

Why do we get bored? And what exactly happens to us when we experience boredom? Like joy and anxiety, boredom is a state of mind. Being bored does not mean you’re lazy and it has little to do with external factors like new cars, gadgets, or experiences.James Danckert, professor of psychology and director of the Cognitive Neuroscience Area at the University of Waterloo, has been studying why we get bored. He studies the reasons behind why boredom occurs, alongside the effects that boredom can have on our minds and the larger purpose that it can serve. Danckert says, “people confuse boredom with the couch potato, some sort of laziness and inaction, but it can't be further from the truth. When we're bored, we're really quite motivated and we want to be doing something… we just can't figure out what.”The definition that Danckert feels perfectly captures what boredom is comes from Leo Tolstoy in Anna Karenina. Tolstoy describes boredom as “the desire for desires.”And regardless of how active or engaged a person is, the feelings of boredom are familiar to most as a “restless, agitated experience.” “The key,” Danckert says, “is to recognize those signs early on, to calm down, and think of some options out of it … You need to let the little things that normally would bore you suddenly thrill you.”And Danckert says that “boredom is often associated with a lack of meaning.” What we feel is that, “what you're doing is not meaningful, or your life doesn't feel quite meaningful to you and that's going to be a key component of being bored.”“To ensure that you don't get bored,” Danckert says, “you don't have to start pursuing a cure for cancer, you don't have to do anything grand, you don't have to choose an activity that somehow is momentous — you just have to choose something that matters to you, and that could be big [or] small.”Kids most often associate boredom with having nothing to do, but Danckert says there is a good deal of work to suggest that “we have over-scheduled our kids and that makes them more anxious than you might imagine.” “Kids need their downtime,” Danckert says. When we overschedule them, we are “taking away their agency.” Danckert also suggests that parents do too much: “When kids come to us and they say that they're bored, are we doing the right thing in terms of responding to that? Of course, you don't want to give them full control because they're kids, they'll make big mistakes, and you want to have some safety net around them. But over-scheduling is not a solution to boredom.”Danckert also highlights the fact that boredom can be the root of many maladaptive behaviors:“There's lots and lots of instances where aggressive, violent, and abhorrent behaviors are blamed on boredom. But I would suggest that we can't really blame boredom for those kinds of things. I think boredom is a call to action. We have to take ownership of what actions we choose in response to boredom.” People who are prone to boredom,” Danckert says, “are also a little bit lower in self-control. They don't have great control over their actions and their emotions, and so those people might be more likely to choose those kinds of maladaptive and abhorrent responses.”“Boredom isn't likely to make you a genius sculptor, painter, or guitar player any more than it's likely to turn you into a killer. So what we do with boredom is really up to us.” Ultimately the feeling of boredom is a call to action, it highlights a need to be agentic. What we decide to do when we feel this way is ultimately up to us, but a tip that Danckert offers is to find the little things that matter: “Celebrate those little things and engage with them with intentionality.”Delve deeper into life, philosophy, and what makes us human by joining the Life Examined discussion group on Facebook. Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

This week Jamil Zaki, professor of Psychology at Stanford University and author of “Hope for Cynics: The Surprising Science of Human Goodness,” talks about our need to rebrand hope as a culture. ‘Hope,’ Zaki says, is the idea that things could turn out better than we might otherwise be led to believe and suggests ways and strategies we can take to combate our own cynical perspectives. This episode with Jamil Zaki was originally broadcast Sept 15th, 2024 Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

*This episode originally aired on November 12, 2022.Jonathan Bastian talks with Lauren Ober, producer, podcast host and executive producer of The Loudest Girl In The World shares her personal journey of her later-in-life autism diagnosis.Later, Francesca Happe Professor of Cognitive Neuroscience at King's College London about advances and autism diagnosis and how that has impacted the way society sees neuro-divergency?Delve deeper into life, philosophy, and what makes us human by joining the Life Examined discussion group on Facebook. Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

What does it mean to lead a happy and fulfilling life? Most of us seek happiness through pleasure, calm, and order — preferring to avoid the discomfort, confrontation, and anxiety that comes from obstacles and challenges. And while less worry and work, along with more time to relax and have fun may sound appealing… Life rarely happens as we plan it and that might just be a good thing. According to philosopher Lorraine Besser: “There is this notion that we have, that once we get to the end goal we'll experience fulfillment. [We think] that justifies making all these sacrifices to [our] day to day lives in pursuit of this kind of elusive goal.” Besser, professor of philosophy at Middlebury College and author of The Art of the Interesting; What We Miss in Our Pursuit of the Good Life and How to Cultivate It argues that there’s an overlooked and important element to leading a good life called “psychological richness.” Besser says, “what makes psychologically rich experiences distinct is that they're not always pleasant.” “The good life,” Besser argues, “is not always going to be this perfect, safe, [and] happy one. But the good life is going to be a life that involves challenges and putting yourself in uncomfortable places.” Besser explains further that this is not a matter of reframing the difficulties and obstacles. “Many of us feel that, when we're experiencing painful feelings, there's only really two routes available,” Besser shares. “Either we've just got to block them out and [not] let them invade our lives, or we've got to somehow turn them around and make them good.” Instead, Besser tells us, “there is another really important way. We can just sit with them and allow ourselves to feel them. Those difficulties and the uncomfortableness will prompt the kind of cognitive engagement we're looking for, if you allow it to sink in.”A “good life,” involves embracing all emotions. Even if those little surprises are unpleasant and might (on the surface) make us feel less happy, they are all part of life. According to Besser, “they don't have to interfere with our living good lives, so we can embrace them and experience value from them.” Delve deeper into life, philosophy, and what makes us human by joining the Life Examined discussion group on Facebook. Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

This week Esther Perel, psychotherapist, bestselling author and the host of the podcast “Where Should We Begin?” talks about a sexual recession. Perel says that compared with previous generations Gen Z is having less sex and becoming increasingly isolated - and the more time spent online is resulting in less time spent on the skills, experience or patience that help make a relationship work.This episode with Esther Perel was originally broadcast September 8th, 2024 Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

If you feel like we’re living in an era marked by increased mistrust, political tension, and cynicism — you’re not alone, research confirms this shift. Research shows that in 1972, half of Americans believed that most people were trustful. By 2018, the percentage had fallen to only a third. The rise in distrust and cynicism is a central theme in the book Hope for Cynics: The Surprising Science of Human Goodness, by Stanford psychologist Jamil Zaki. Zaki explains that cynicism is not just human nature, it is directly impacted by our environment. “If you look across both space and time, inequality and cynicism track one another,” Zaki says. “So in more unequal nations, states, and counties people trust each other a lot less. In times that have been more unequal, people have generally trusted each other a lot less than during more egalitarian times.”What we hear in the media on a daily basis also feeds our fears and disillusionment, fostering distrust. “There's something known as ‘mean world syndrome,’” Zaki continues. “The more that people tune into the news, whether it's on their phones, on the radio, on television — the worse they think people are. You might go the realist route and say, ‘well, yeah, because they're informed.’ But it turns out that the more that people tune into the news, the more wrong they are about others.” Zaki, who also directs the Stanford Social Neuroscience Lab, explains that there’s some science pointing to the fact that cynicism can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. “Human beings are psychologically adaptive, we are molded by our environment,” Zaki says. “And so if you're in an environment where it feels like people can't trust each other, where people have to look out only for themselves, then you will become mistrustful. You will become more selfish.”Tania Israel, professor of counseling psychology at the University of California, Santa Barbara, and author of Facing the Fracture: How to Navigate the Challenges of Living in a Divided Nation, says the remedy for dealing with people we don’t agree with is not to disengage or set boundaries. Instead, she suggests a three-pronged approach to bring about a less contentious dialogue. First, to reduce our consumption of negativity from our phones and TV. Second, broaden our own capacity for understanding and empathizing. For example, Israel says: “We so seldom say, ‘here's what I'm thinking, these are the limits of my understanding. What am I missing?’ And really inviting something that's outside of what we have been focusing on in terms of information or narrative.” Finally, Israel advocates for engaging with your community — participating and demonstrating that you are open. “Not to say that we need to change our minds,” Israel points out. “Or not to say that we need to agree with where that other person is coming from, but to always want to know where they're coming from. More is a great stance to be in.” Delve deeper into life, philosophy, and what makes us human by joining the Life Examined discussion group on Facebook. Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

This week Robin Stern, psychoanalyst, and author of “The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life,” talks about gaslight effect. What to watch for in a relationship or perhaps with a manager, coworker or doctor and how to succesfully navigate the feelings of invalidation that accompany that behavior. This episode with Robin Stern was originally broadcast July 14th 2024 Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

Few people offer greater insight, sensitivity, and expertise on human relationships and sexuality than Esther Perel.Born and raised in Belgium, Perel’s studies took her from Hebrew University in Jerusalem, to the United States where she built a career in couples and family therapy. Today, she is internationally acclaimed for her profound insights into eroticism and intimacy. She’s an author and the host of the popular podcast “Where Should We Begin?” The exploration of human sexual desire is as complex as it sounds. Our ideas of intimacy are varied and sex today can be measurable and perfunctory. “[It’s] often seen as an act, something you do,” says Perel. “How often do you do it? How many? How hard, how long? How frequent?” But desire and the erotic is a quality of aliveness and vitality, distinct from sexuality. “You don't measure eroticism,” Perel continues. “It's a quality of experience, but you know when you feel it.” Eroticism is: “Sexuality transformed by the human imagination. It's infinite. It's surrounded by ritual, by celebration, and it's often transgressive. It's often lured by the forbidden. A lot of it is actually in our head and between our ears… not necessarily between our legs.”Perel tells us that the key ingredients are “curiosity, playfulness, mystery, imagination” … “the forbidden elicits curiosity, and the curiosity activates the imagination.” Perel argues that we need to do more than just recognize and celebrate this as a wonderful part of who we are. “[Our] core emotional needs are expressed in the coded language of sexuality. Sex is never just something you do. Sex is a place you go.” Esther Perel’s latest project, which she calls her “Desire Bundle,” features two online courses: Bringing Desire Back and Playing with Desire. They launch later this September.Esther Perel’s An Evening With Esther Perel: The Future of Relationships, Love & Desire is currently on tour. See her live at the YouTube Theater in Los Angeles on September 10th. More info here.Delve deeper into life, philosophy, and what makes us human by joining the Life Examined discussion group on Facebook. Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

*This episode originally aired on January 28, 2023.Jonathan Bastian talks with Harvard Medical School Professor of Psychiatry Robert Waldinger about his latest book, “The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness.” Waldinger is also director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, the home of the world’s longest-running studies on happiness. The project has followed 724 men — ranging from “Harvard sophomores to inner-city Boston boys” — and their subsequent spouses and families, since 1938, and now encompasses three generations of people. Waldinger says that although there is no blood test for happiness, researchers are able to examine and evaluate happiness from various angles. “We ask people, ‘Are you happy? How happy are you?’ We also ask other people, their partners, their kids and follow their work lives,” he explains, adding that psychologist Sonya Lubomirski calculated that “about 50% of our happiness is determined by inborn factors, about 10% is determined by what our life circumstances are right now, and the remaining 40% is under our control.” What was the surprise discovery from the study? While it’s important to look after your health, eat right, and exercise, the most significant impact on happiness, Walindger says, was that “the quality of our relationships predicts who's gonna be happy and healthy as they get older … one of the most important things we need is a person who we know will be there for us in times of stress.”Delve deeper into life, philosophy, and what makes us human by joining the Life Examined discussion group on Facebook.Later, Jonathan Bastian speaks with Cassie Holmes, author of “Happier Hour: How to Beat Distraction, Expand Your Time, and Focus on What Matters Most,” about maintaining a happy lifestyle. Time, Holmes says, isn’t just the problem — it’s the solution. “Time is so important, because how we spend the hours of our days sum up to the years of our lives,” she explains. “And as we're looking to feel happier in our days and about our lives, it's crucial to understand how we invest this resource of time and to make the most of the time that we have.”Holmes offers some tools and tips on being happier and how to harness time towards doing so. She encourages people to “actually track their own time, write down what they are doing and rate coming out of that activity, on a 10 point scale, how they feel,” she says. “That will allow you to pick up on whether those ways of connecting and socializing are truly satisfying and truly fulfilling.” Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

*This episode originally aired on October 25, 2023.This week, economist and author of “Wild Problems: A Guide to the Decisions That Define Us,” Russ Roberts offers a different perspective and approach to tackling some of life’s biggest challenges and decisions. Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

According to Chaplain Devin Sean Moss, death “informs how we live.” The idea of impermanence —the notion that everything is in a constant state of flux— and a “meditation on finitude,” Moss suggests, is a “cheat code of sorts to making deliberate and intentional decisions and forces the hand of what are my values…to know what my core is about.” For most people, the subject and contemplation of death and dying is hardly a source of inpiration. We fill our lives with work, travel, and spending time with friends and family. These are life affirming activities to keep our minds from wandering too far down to our inevitable end. For Devin Moss, confronting death has been both equally a sobering and inspiring journey. As a Humanist Chaplain, Devin Moss forged a year-long bond with Phillip Hancock who was executed by the state of Oklahoma for a double murder. Moss’s experience was chronicled by the New York Times and the subject of an earlier Life Examined.More: Facing death without God: Spiritual care in the final hours of a death row inmateToday, Moss writes and hosts the podcast The Adventures of Memento Mori in which he explores the science, mysticism, culture, and mystery of death. Moss regularly grapples with his own mortality and says its a mistake for our culture to shy away from the topic - “the inability to talk about it on a societal level has very harmful byproducts.” Moss suggests that the message society perpetuates is that there is a misunderstanding of what it means to be finite, and that “everything is limitless.” And when it comes to death itself, Moss urges listeners not to be deterred by fear or not knowing what to do or say. “Just be okay with the unknown and do all that you can do to make it about the other person, to heck with being good at it or knowing what you're doing.” For Moss, it’ss “the ability, not what I can learn from this person as they pass, but more like, how can I ensure that their passing is maintained as a sacred act within a sacred space.” Delve deeper into life, philosophy, and what makes us human by joining the Life Examined discussion group on Facebook. Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

This week James Danckert, psychology professor at the University of Waterloo in Ontario and co-author of “Out of My Skull: The Psychology of Boredom,” provides some tips for parents to deal with kids who say they are bored. As boredom is a natural occurrence, Danckert advises parents not to over schedule their kids or find things to keep them busy. Instead, whenever they can, parents should stand back more and allow their kids to take more agency in how to navigate being bored. This segment with James Danckert is from an upcoming episode of Life Examined. Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

Finding an ideal partner can be an elusive quest. Over the past three decades, attitudes on relationship roles and dynamics have shifted. Thanks to online dating, people of all ages have the opportunity to cast a wider net, expanding their horizons and redefining their expectations. The journey doesn't stop at finding a partner; maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship is the ultimate goal. As challenges arise, seeking support from a therapist before issues become deeply rooted can prove to be one of the most effective ways to foster a lasting connection. Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

When it comes to relationships, a friendship can hold a far more nuanced and significant place in our hearts, than perhaps we fully appreciate.The Platonic relationship, an ideal talked about by the ancient Greek Philosopher Plato, recognizes the existence of a closeness of mind and soul between two people, absent of any physical attraction. This kind of affection and tenderness is captured in letters and stories throughout history — friendships that have been as deep and intimate, meaningful, and powerful as any romantic relationship, and, says author Raina Cohen, “friendships could be the thing that makes life feel full and complete.” Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

This week, Robert Waldinger, director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development and co-author of “The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness,” talks about the merits of meditation. As a Zen practitioner Waldinger says meditation has helped him stay present, connect with the richness of life and worry less about the things that really don’t matter. Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

In today’s job market, “good communication skills” is often listed as a top requirement. This essential ability not only helps you connect and collaborate with others but also effectively express your needs within the workplace. Strong communicators can unite us, foster positivity, and create a sense of shared potential. Moreover, today’s technology has made communication more accessible and rapid than ever before. Despite all the advances in tech, true connection remains elusive and we often fail to make meaningful connections with the people in our live who matter. The art of conversation is complex but science can offer insights into why these connections are so challenging to achieve.According to Charles Duhigg, author of Supercommunicators; How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection, “our ability to communicate with each other is the thing that has set our species apart and made us so successful compared to other species.”When Charles noticed challenges in his own communication, he turned to science for answers. Advances in neuroimaging have allowed neuroscientists and psychologists to uncover that “every discussion is made up of multiple different kinds of conversations,” and they tend to fall into three buckets. “Practical conversations where we're talking about solving problems, emotional conversations where I tell you what I'm feeling,” and “social conversations, about how we interact with each other and interact with society.” “Super communicators,” Duhigg says, have the ability to “ listen for what kind of conversation is happening” and are able to “match back.” The science behind this, as Duhigg explains it, is called "neural entrainment"— the synchronization of neural activity that is both fundamental to and the goal of communication. The reason super communicators can make a conversation feel effortless, leaving you feeling positive is because “you've achieved that neural synchronization. Your brain has evolved to give you a reward sensation associated with that. Connection is felt deep within the body and “our brains have evolved to encourage this kind of communication, to encourage this kind of bonding…since it's been so helpful to survival.” Delve deeper into life, philosophy, and what makes us human by joining the Life Examined discussion group on Facebook. Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

This week, Kemi Nekvapil, leadership coach and author of “Power: A Woman’s Guide to Living and Leaving without Apology” shares a couple of power practices that can help women and especially women of color feel more empowered and reconnect with who they are. When it comes to standing in one's own power, Nekvapil says, practice, role play and experimentation are essential tools in helping to help change existing behavior patterns.This episode of Life Examined with Kemi Nekvapil was originally broadcast October 15th, 2023 Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

There may be no greater pain in life than that of losing a child; the gaping hole felt when a young life is abruptly cut short, leaving parents to deal with a void that can be difficult to comprehend, and a journey to make sense of the heartache that follows.For poet Rosemerry Wahtula Trommer, the pain is palpable and the grief — the kind of grief only a mother can know — remains unwavering . Tragically, her son Finn took his own life just before reaching his 17th birthday. In the wake of this unimaginable tragedy, Trommer found herself irrevocably changed; it was through the power of words and poetry that she began to find solace amid her sorrow.Despite the lasting grief in her heart, Trommer is also profoundly grateful to her son. “He my teacher. How much that boy taught me all the things I didn't want to know. I never wanted to learn that things couldn't be fixed. I never wanted to learn that I couldn't be perfect, that I couldn't make the world the way I wanted it. And he taught me again and again and again, how to say yes to the world as it is.” Reflecting on how she now sees the world, Trommer is struck by “the sweetness and the bitterness, the joy and the grief, the love and the loss and how, as humans, this is what we're asked to meet over and over and over.” Grief, Trommer says, demonstrates a powerful paradox. It’s central to who we are as humans. It’s “ever mysterious and ever changing and so deeply sorrowful and so profoundly loving,” at the same time. “Maybe this is the thing that's most exciting for me right now – is this sense of not believing anymore that we're supposed to be happy. That in fact, some of the most profound, wonderful life-affirming, moments have been so difficult.” “Meeting Your Death” Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer Because there are no clear instructions,I follow what rises up in me to do.I fall deeper into love with you.I look at old pictures.I don’t look at old pictures.I talk about you. I say nothing.I walk. I sit. I lie in the grassand let the earth hold me.I lie on the sidewalk, dissolveinto sky. I cry. I don’t cry.I ask the world to help me stay open.I ask again, please, let me feel it all.I fall deeper in love with the peoplestill living. I fall deeper in lovewith the world that is left—this world with its springand its war and its mornings,this world with its fruitsthat ripen and rot and reseed,this world that insistswe keep our eyes wide,this world that openswhen our eyes are closed.Because there are no clear instructions,I learn to turn toward the love that is here,though sometimes what is here is what’s not.There are infinite ways to do this right.That is the only way.Delve deeper into life, philosophy, and what makes us human by joining the Life Examined discussion group on Facebook. Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

This week, Alain de Botton, philosopher, author and founder of The School of Life talks about why today’s social and cultural environment is contaminating our peace of mind. De Botton suggests that in order to switch off and achieve some kind of balance in our lives, we need to become better editors and curators of what we are exposed to and shut out as much external negativity and noise as we can. Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

Sarah Hill, professor of social psychology at Texas Christian University and author of This is your brain on birth control: The surprising science of sex, women, hormones and the law of unintended consequences, shares her journey into exploring the effects of oral contraception on mental health. “I actually spent my early career studying the way our sex hormones can affect psychological states and motivation…and the desire to attract romantic partners.” It wasn’t until Hill went off oral contraception herself that she began to connect the dots. “I started to feel so differently, that I started to really wonder what we did not know and about the way the pill affects the brain and the way that women experience the world.”Hill recounts her personal experience and the research she conducted on the Pill’s effects, highlighting a range of impact on physical and mental wellbeing. Everything from “having less energy” to “being at a greater risk for depression and anxiety,” and how “it can reduce sexual desire and sexual functioning.”Emily Dossett, a clinical associate professor of Psychiatry & the Behavioral Sciences at USC’s Keck School of Medicine, addresses another often-overlooked aspect of women’s health: the prevalence of mental health disorders before, during, and after pregnancy. Dossett underscores that “pregnancy is a time of tremendous and rapid physiological change,” and that “if a woman is susceptible, really to anything; diabetes, hypertension, cardiac disorders,” that pregnancies with those disorders “are more likely to come to the forefront or even emerge for the first time. The same is true for mental illness.”Dossetts points out that society tends to attach immense joy to pregnancy and the celebration of pregnancy that women feel ashamed, even stigmatized, if they mention or complain about how they feel. “We're just realizing how common some of these challenges are in terms of mental health because we're just now at a point where we're allowing women to actually speak up about it.” Roughly “one out of every four to five women” suffer from some kind of mental disorder, Dossett says, with depression and anxiety being most common. Because there has been little research on women’s mental health and pregnancy, Dossestt explains that there’s a general “lack of understanding and comprehension and naming of these disorders in the mental health world.” And when it comes to medication; “ the FDA, which approves all drugs, does not permit pregnant or lactating people to be included in drug trials.”So, what options are available for women who require medication and aspire to conceive? “The question is not really whether or not these medications are safe but it's more of a risk, risk analysis for each individual person,” Dossett says. “I firmly believe everyone has the right to have a child. Everyone has the right to not have a child and everyone has the right to raise a child in a safe and healthy environment. Those are the tenets of what we call reproductive justice. And I believe they apply to people with mental illness just like anyone else.” Delve deeper into life, philosophy, and what makes us human by joining the Life Examined discussion group on Facebook. Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

This week, Terry Real, renowned couples therapist and author “Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship” reflects on the keys to building a successful long term relationship. In order to change inherited behaviors and dysfunction, Real cites his own struggle with family trauma and offers hope that with courage, discipline and hardwork change is indeed possible. This episode of Life Examined with Terry Real was originally broadcast June 23rd, 2024 Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

If you’ve ever been accused of ‘gaslighting' someone, you might find yourself unsure about what exactly you're being accused of. The term is the latest amongst a growing collection of popular psychological buzzwords used to describe manipulative or calculating behavior, but it's often misused and misunderstood. The term originated from the 1940s black-and-white film Gaslight where a husband manipulates his wife into thinking she’s crazy by subtly adjusting the intensity of their home's gas lights when she’s alone in the house. The husband denies there’s anything wrong with the lights, leaving his wife distraught, confused, and questioning her own memory and sanity. In her book The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life “The Gaslight Effect,” psychoanalyst Robin Stern explains why this word has gained so much prominence in both personal and professional relationships, particularly among women. “Seeing many women come into my office who were otherwise in their lives the presidents of their company, professional practice, or very successful –good decision makers who felt comfortable in groups, socialized quite a bit, suddenly, in their romantic relationship were uncertain; felt a kind of dislocated or unmoored, felt unstable and second-guessed themselves all the time, [saying to themselves], am I too sensitive, am I too paranoid?” Stern says that “gaslighting” is an “insidious and sometimes covert form of emotional abuse.” Being gaslit is “a power dynamic repeated over time where the gaslighters intention is to undermine and destabilize the ‘gaslightee’ and lead that person to second-guess themselves, to question their own identity and ultimately their sanity and their character at different times.” Stern argues that being able to spot this type of behavior is important. When “gaslighting” happens professionally, it can be tough to tackle. For example, Stern cites doctor/patient relationships and warns that “if your doctor minimizes your symptoms, if he or she continually interrupts you or accuses you of being too preoccupied with your symptoms, or refuses to order follow-up tests or if you constantly feel like your doctor is rude, condescending, belittling, or passing it off, as ‘that's your age, or you're a woman, or you're a new mom’ or whatever it is, you're being gaslighted.”After recognizing the behavior, Stern suggests taking action. “Opt out of those power struggles and sort out the truth from the distortion…Nobody needs to put up or should put up with abuse. It is not acceptable for anyone to be intentionally hurting someone else.” Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

*This episode originally aired on July 2, 2022.British writer Robert Macfarlane grew up loving mountains. A keen hiker, he says mountains are in his DNA – Macfarlane's father was a mountaineer and his grandfather oversaw some of the early expeditions and the first summit of Mount Everest in the 1950s. Macfarlane’s own passion for the extremes of the mountains and the wilds of the outdoors fostered yet another interest: writing. In his first book “Mountains of the Mind,” Macfarlane explored why he fell in love with mountains and sought answers as to why so many climbers are willing to die for love of rock and ice.Delve deeper into life, philosophy, and what makes us human by joining the Life Examined discussion group on Facebook.Macfarlane is a fellow at Emmanuel College at Cambridge University in the UK. He has written numerous books focused on nature and landscape, including “Landmarks” and “The Old Ways,” which led to an exploration of the subterranean world, the topic of his latest book “Underland: A Deep Time Journey.” “The trodden paths are the beginning of the underworld if you like because they are land hollowed by feet, by time and by wheels, so there were lots of things pointing me down,” Macfarlane says.While the upper world is the place of the gods and awe, he says, the subterranean world is an unseen place — one for burial and hiding. Macfarlane also shares his passion for language and metaphor, explaining that the “underworld” is where “matter meets metaphor” — and that negative words like “down,” “dark,” or “depressed” are deeply ingrained into our language. Jonathan Bastian talks with Robert Macfarlane about his connection to the landscape and about his exploration and interest in what lies beneath our feet. As a writer, Macfarlane shares his love for language and metaphor and is particularly interested in “gathering words which seemed much more vibrant, reciprocal, and dynamic.” For Macfarlane, the rediscovery of language furthers a connection to the natural world, and Macfarlane says there’s even a map highlighting the regional terms for “creek” across North America. So how has language and the Tale of Gilgamesh impacted his latest project? Can music and song breathe life into ancient stories - in a way that writing can’t? Macfarlane speaks about his interest in music and how it connects to his love of nature and storytelling. He explains how he connected during the pandemic with actor and singer/songwriter Johnny Flynn, and how Epic of Gilgamesh, became the “nourishment that drove the writing of 11 songs” that now appear on the album “Lost in The Cedar Wood.”Music, Macfarlane muses, is “the purest form of magic to me. Writing is labor and trial work and concentration, perspiration and locked rooms. No one would ever want to watch a writer write, right? It's paint drying, it's grass growing, but musicians. ...are magicians weaving a golden thread that they pluck from the air.” Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

This week, Rabbi Steve Leder, author of “For You When I Am Gone: Twelve Essential Questions to Tell a Life Story” reflects on the legacy we leave after we’re gone and suggests that rather than a long list of accomplishments, it’s the quality of our relationships, throughout our lives that have the biggest impact on our own happiness and how we are cherished and remembered by others. This episode of Life Examined with Rabbi Steve Leder was originally broadcast May 28th, 2022 Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

*This episode originally aired on January 14, 2023.From our earliest ancestors, we’ve been travelers — first as nomadic tribes, and later as raiders, traders, explorers, and colonizers. Whether by ship or by foot, it’s human nature to move and explore. Jonathan Bastian talks with travel writer, podcaster, and vagabond Rolf Potts about the merits of travel. Potts is the author of several travel books, including Vagabonding and Marco Polo Didn't Go There. In his latest book, The Vagabond’s Way: 366 Meditations on Wanderlust, Discovery, and the Art of Travel, Potts explains why travel is good for us and how the unexpected part in a journey can change us for the better. “The best gift to travel is just allowing yourself to be surprised,” says Potts. “Stumbling into serendipity, having a bad time, and realizing that it's not as bad as you thought it would be. We forget how easy it is to adapt, how helpful people are, and how we can figure it out and have a great time doing it.”“One of the gifts of travel is to sort of blow those habits open and be vulnerable and almost childlike in your relationship to the world again,” says world traveler Rolf Potts. Photo by Fritz Liedtke. In “The Vagabond’s Way: 366 Meditations on Wanderlust, Discovery, and the Art of Travel,” author Rolf Potts encourages you to sustain the mindset of a journey, even when you aren't able to travel, and affirms that travel is as much a way of being as it is an act of movement.Today, technology, cheap flights, and bucket-list trips have made travel easier, more affordable, and somewhat predictable. Potts says that’s also limited our options and possibilities as travelers. “We're all in lockstep, following our phone, looking at a screen as a window into a place that we've traveled so far to come to, instead of just sort of following our nose or following our eyes or following our ears,” he says. When it comes to modes of transportation, Potts shares his tips on exotic ways to travel without becoming overly dependent on flights. “Train culture around the world is really fun to experience and it doesn't have as many emissions,” he suggests. “Stay on the sea over land and go those hardships, don't fast-forward your way through the world with a bunch of flights — slow down a little bit.”Delve deeper into life, philosophy, and what makes us human by joining the Life Examined discussion group on Facebook. Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

After 30 years of experience counseling couples, therapist Terry Real reflects on what makes building a long-term relationship difficult and the skills needed to keep a partnership intact. Reals says that even with changing dynamics and non-traditional partnerships, the age-old problems still exist.“Despite all of the gender fluidity and all of the experimentation, a two-person paired-for-life, monogamous core, is still alive and well and extremely difficult.”The pressure is on to find that “perfect” someone, yet, despite the romantic “idealization” of coupledom, promoted by a booming dating and marriage industry, the reality is that most couples won’t last a decade together, much less a lifetime. The US Census Bureau reports that most marriages last on average 8 years. Real says the odds in the U.S. are that roughly 50% of all marriages will end in divorce - “the failure rate on marriage has hovered at about 40-50% for half a century.”The reason, Real explains, is that “we want to be lifelong lovers; we want long walks on the beach, we want heart-to-heart talks, great sex in our 60s and 70s but we don't have the skills to match this new ambition. We are trying to be lifelong lovers in a culture that does not cherish relationships.” We live in a society, Real argues, that asserts individualism. “We don't teach our sons and daughters and non-binary kids how to fight fair, how to stand up for yourself in a loving way. We don't teach the basic skills of relationships in this culture because we don't value it.”So what are the chances a couple has to beat the odds? What’s the key to staying together? According to Real, it’s “hard work” and “it’s very rare that people have the discipline.” Relationship skills need to be learned and practiced. Real suggests that “basic relationship skills [be] taught in elementary and junior high.”Real, who’s also the founder of the Relationship Life Institute and author of numerous books including most recently Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship, talks specifically about the impact of inherited family pathologies. He advises the reopening of childhood trauma to heal old wounds; “Family pathology rolls from generation to generation, like a fire in the woods, taking down everything in its path until one person in one generation has the courage to turn and face the flames. That person brings peace to their ancestors and spares the children.”In his book, Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship, author Terrance Real says “we don't teach the basic skills of relationship in this culture because we don't value it. We're supposed to just know how to do it and most long-term relationships crash and burn. The failure rate on marriage has hovered at about 40-50% for half a century.”Terry Real, pictured here, says “ you can have a superlative relationship if you're with a partner you love who is also in on the game and willing to do the work themselves. If both of you are willing to do that and you have the basic chemistry that drew you to each other to begin with,you can do it. But it's very rare that people have the discipline and the know-how to build it all.” Photo courtesy of Terrance Real at The Relational Life InstituteDelve deeper into life, philosophy, and what makes us human by joining the Life Examined discussion group on Facebook. Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

Judith Orloff, UCLA clinical psychiatrist and author of The Genius of Empathy: Practical Skills to Heal Your Sensitive Self, Your Relationships, and the World, explains that empathy is what connects us. It’s the ability to care, to listen, and to open our hearts. The practice of empathy, Orloff says, is a simple yet “precious gift” and that displaying empathy is the “best of who we are.” Orloff also says being empathetic is “a way we can save our world because empathy is the key element in reaching out to people, even if you disagree with them, even if you don't like them, it allows you to establish accord with them.”In addition, Orloff says, “when you're open to empathy, all kinds of good things can happen to your body. There's something called the Mother Teresa effect, where it's been shown that if you witness an act of empathy, and I were to draw your blood, it would show that your immunity would go up immediately. And what that says to me is that just alone, watching empathy can increase our immunity and make us healthier.”Zachary Wallmark, an associate professor of musicology and with the Center for Translational Neuroscience at the University of Oregon, talks about his research on the intersection of music and empathy. Wallmark has observed, through magnetic imagining, how listening to music relates to social cognition and empathy. “Empathy,” Wallmark says, “produces a very distinctive neural signature in the brain when folks are listening to music. Empathy modulates music processing in areas of the brain that are associated with cognitive control, with social processing, with reward, and with emotion.” Through music, Wallmark says, we can “explore our own identity, learn about others, bond with others. So music can be useful in social cohesion, bonding, [and] it can help coordinate group activity. It can also demarcate social boundaries, who is like us and who is different from us.”In her book The Genius of Empathy: Practical Skills to Heal Your Sensitive Self, Your Relationships, and the World, author Judith Orloff says “If you're having difficulties with your relationships, just try this gift-- just to listen, with your eyes, with your voice, with your heart - it's such a gift and it helps people feel seen and heard and valued, which is the point of empathy.” Judith Orloff, pictured here, says “in my life, the most important thing to me is connection, and love and understanding. That is what gives me the most meaning Whether it's with nature, with human beings, with animals - empathy allows us that opportunity to connect with our human kind and everything about this life that we've been given.” Photo courtesy of Bob RihaZachery Wallmark, pictured here, says “music can create a kind of playground to try on, in a fantasy sense, different types of emotional reactions. You can be a different person, you can experience things that you're not experiencing in your … normal life." Photo by Kim Leeson.Delve deeper into life, philosophy, and what makes us human by joining the Life Examined discussion group on Facebook. Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

This week, Katherine Morgan Schafler, author of The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control, explores our relationship with the ideal of being a perfectionist. Morgan Schafler encourages greater self-awareness in managing perfectionism, saying it’s OK to be inspired without the expectation that we will ever achieve that goal. Katherine Morgan Schafler. Photo courtesy of Eric Michael PearsonThis episode of Life Examined with Katherine Morgan Schafler was originally broadcast May 26th, 2024 Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

Doctor Elizabeth Comen and Pulitzer prize-winning journalist Linda Greenhouse talk about gender bias and its lingering impact on women’s healthcare and reproductive rights. Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

This week, Casper ter Kuile, co-founder of Nearness, and author of “The Power of Ritual,” discusses the value of building community and coming together, and offers some practical advice for forging meaningful connections including the ability to shift away from some of our accustomed patterns of giving advice and instead offer our full attention, loving presence and just listen. Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

Jonathan Bastian talks with writer, lecturer, and author Susan Cain about the sweet joy of sadness. Cain, author of Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole, reflects on the touch of sweetness that comes from sadness and despair and shares how a greater acceptance of these emotions can be beneficial and even therapeutic. Delve deeper into life, philosophy, and what makes us human by joining the Life Examined discussion group on Facebook. Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe

This week, Ryan Holiday, speaker and author of “Discipline is Destiny: The Power of Self Control” shares some advice on the stoic virtue of self discipline. Holiday says that in today’s world of abundance, self discipline and self imposed boundaries are fundamental to meeting our potential, achieving balance and leading a good life. Get full access to Life Examined at lifeexamined.substack.com/subscribe