the rapids [prod. Mattaveli]

3. the rapids [prod. Mattaveli] (Forest footsteps) (Door) Sometimes I go to the bathroom Just cause I need a break I sit down on the floor My hands cover my face Or i sit inside a stall Just trying to get some space I wanna cry but I'm torn Between what I feel and fake Cause I'm afraid to be seen In such a pitiful state while at work, or while at home Or some other public place I try to keep it together But man this is hard to take Don't even know what I feel but it's heavy weight its like walking through a swamp then suddenly, its a lake I was trekking now I'm treading As I'm pulled in by the waves i just grab onto a log As I start to drift away the walk turns to a jog as the current starts to change i look ahead, there’s rocks the river’s bearing it’s teeth and all i can do is hold onto this former tree I shut my eyes, they’re closed the flow, it quickens me a little bumpy at first Uncomfortable say the least But it's just gonna get worse first, definitely Before it gets better that is just how it be So i tighten up my grip As I bounce along the stream I'm smashing right into sticks And other kinds of debris but now its getting rough like a storm out in the sea the water’s starting to throw the rapids are at its peak im getting thrown up and down Then im pushed way underneath I go from this side to that Like a leaf trapped in the breeze I crash and cut my back i open my mouth to scream (Gasp for air) but right when i open it the water silences me it rushes into my lungs making it hard to breathe I’m choking, I’m struggling to cling to my sanity but that’s when i realize i no longer grip the tree I’m underneath the water and it’s pulverizing me it beats me to the dirt it’s breaking my arms and knees air bubbles leave my mouth as i fade into a dream I’m losing consciousness i start to see memories the past and the present start overlapping on me am i sinking to the bottom or surfacing toward the gleam? I’m detached from my sense Of self, this is extreme and it’s strange in this state how i start to feel at peace How much time has passed? It feels like eternity But it's only a moment Seconds, only 80 It's only one stage A phase of the journey (Cough) And then i feel it calm As the ground touches my feet i made it to the shore open my eyes to see more trees, more thorns the forest runs pretty deep how many more times will i see similar scenes Going through the spiral Stages seem to repeat not exactly the same But not completely discrete this journey is so hard been everywhere in between but i get up and walk the Spirit keeps calling me and I’m not gonna stop till every demon flees i know i’m getting close just don’t know how many weeks calluses on my hands and scars all over my feet don’t have any band aids so i write notes when i bleed (Washing hands) (Breath) (Paper towel rips) (Drying hands and face) (Breath) (Door) (Forest footsteps)