Java with Juli - Making Sense of God and Sex

Their love story made headlines—but not for the reasons you might expect. In this conversation, CD and Melody Fabien share a completely different vision for dating—one rooted in purpose, boundaries, and hearing God's voice. If you're tired of hook-ups, ghosting, and the pressure of fast-paced dating, this episode is for you. Guest: CD & Melody Fabien Check out our brand-new Hot Topic Kit: Healthy Dating & Boundaries. Follow-up Resources: Check out CD & Melody's resources at https://cdandmelody.com/ Watch their news-worthy first kiss. Q&A: What's the Difference Between Sexual Integrity and Purity? (video) Q&A: How Can I Steward My Sexuality As a Single? (video) What Do I Do With My Sexual Desires? by Juli Slattery (blog) Follow Melody on IG at @melodyfabien Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

Many married couples carry a secret: one of them doesn't like sex—they may even dread it. For years, sex has felt more like obligation than pleasure, and they've quietly believed something must be wrong with them. This week, we're tackling the unspoken question: "What if I'm married and I don't like sex?" We'll talk about the real reasons sex can feel difficult or even painful, and call out a few common lies that keep couples stuck. If you've ever felt confused, disappointed, or alone in your struggles with sex, this conversation offers hope, practical insight, and the reminder you don't have to stay where you are. Co-host: Hannah Nitz We'd love to hear your thoughts about this conversation. Leave us a rating and review. Follow-up Resources: Be the first to know when Online Book Studies open up Q&A: Past sexual trauma inhibits my ability to enjoy sex. Is there hope that I can heal? (video) Q&A: Sex has never been pleasurable in our marriage. Should I fake it? (video) Preorder 25 Questions You're Afraid to Ask About Sex, Love, and Intimacy by Dr. Juli Slattery God, Sex & Your Marriage by Juli Slattery Passion Pursuit: What Kind of Love Are You Making? by Juli Slattery Restoring the Pleasure by Cliff & Joyce Penner Enjoy! The Gift of Sexual Pleasure for Women by Cliff & Joyce Penner Follow Hannah Nitz @hannahnitz Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

Life gets busy—especially with kids, work, and everyday stress. But research shows that couples who consistently make time for each other are significantly happier in their marriages. This week, we're talking about why date nights matter more than you think. We'll tackle common obstacles couples face, like exhaustion, busy schedules, lack of childcare, and awkward conversations. Plus, you'll hear simple and practical tips to help you reconnect with your spouse—even in the busiest of seasons. Guests: Dr. Greg & Erin Smalley Check out our newest Hot Topic Kit: Healthy Dating & Boundaries. Follow-up Resources: Take the Date Night Challenge: 52 Creative Ideas to Make Your Marriage Fun by Greg & Erin Smalley Date Night Conversation Starters from Greg & Erin Smalley Q&A: How often is "normal" for having sex in marriage? (video)

You know your spouse's love language, and you try to use it. So why is their love tank always running on empty? This week, we're expanding the classic framework to include personality nuances, seasonal shifts, overdoing it (yes, that's possible!), and love tank "leaks." Plus, you'll learn why gifts aren't always about money and why physical touch isn't always about sex. Join us for a conversation about moving past formulas and becoming a better student of the one you love. Guests: Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott Follow-up Resources: Listen to Dr. Gary Chapman talk about the Five Love Languages on Java #592 The Love Language that Matters Most. Take the free relationship assessment at myheartchart.com The Five Love Languages Premium Assessment The Love Language That Matters Most by Dr. Gary Chapman, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott Follow Les & Leslie at @lesandleslie Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

Maybe you're already living together. Maybe this topic feels uncomfortable. Maybe you've never questioned it before. This week, Juli unpacks what God says about living together before marriage, what (secular) research is telling us, and how covenant—not convenience—creates lasting security. Co-hosts: Hannah Nitz & Joe Caruso Tell us what you think! Leave us a rating & review. Follow-Up Resources: Preorder 25 Questions You're Afraid to Ask About Sex, Love, and Intimacy by Dr. Juli Slattery Q&A: Is God okay with me having sex with someone I love even if we're not married? Q&A: What is the difference between sexual integrity and purity? Follow Hannah Nitz @hannahnitz Follow Joe Caruso at @joecaruso06 Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

Men get a lot of mixed messages about masculinity. Some say it's toxic. Others say it doesn't really matter anymore. It's no surprise guys are left wondering, "What does it even mean to be a good man?" This week, Juli sits down with Brant Hansen, author of The Men We Need, to get honest about the struggles men face and why true strength looks very different from the stereotypes we're used to. This conversation is an invitation to see manhood not as a problem to fix, but as a calling worth stepping into. Guest: Brant Hansen What did you think about this conversation? Let us know in a rating and review. Follow-up Resources: The Men We Need:God's Purpose for the Manly Man, the Avid Indoorsman, or Any Man Willing to Show Up by Brant Hansen Blog: 3 Reasons Women Tend To Take Over in Marriage by Dr. Juli Slattery Blog: 7 Ways We Unknowingly Sabotage Intimacy in Our Marriages by Dr. Juli Slattery Blog: Resign As Boss: How To Help Your Husband Lead by Dr. Juli Slattery Video: Q&A: How Can I Help My Husband Grow Up and Take Responsibility? Follow Brant Hansen at @branthansen Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

What's okay in the bedroom—and how are married couples supposed to know? In this episode, Juli doesn't hand you a checklist. Instead, she walks you through three questions every couple can ask when navigating gray areas in the bedroom. From pornography and fantasy to sex toys and more, this conversation helps you discern where you may need to draw a line and where you may need to step out of your comfort zone. Joined by Hannah Nitz and Joe Caruso, this episode marks the kick off of a new series inspired by Juli's newly revised, upcoming book, 25 Questions You're Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy. Co-Hosts: Hannah Nitz, Joe Caruso What did you think of this episode? Leave us a rating and review in your podcast app. Follow up resources: Check out our brand-new Hot Topic Kit: Pornography in Marriage. Blog: What's OK in the Bedroom? (Includes a list of what God has said "no" to) Book: God, Sex, and Your Marriage by Dr. Juli Slattery Book: Passion Pursuit: What Kind of Love Are You Making? by Dr. Juli Slattery and Linda Dillow Follow Hannah Nitz @hannahnitz Follow Joe Caruso at @joecaruso06 Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

Are awkward "side hugs" the best we can do when it comes to opposite-sex friendships? Juli sits down with author Bronwyn Lea, who helps us rethink what it means to live as brothers and sisters in God's family. They talk about why we often confuse intimacy with sexuality, how Jesus modeled close, non-romantic relationships, and what healthy Christian community can look like (even in a sex-saturated world). Listen in to discover how moving beyond fear-based boundaries can lead to more connection and stronger, life-giving friendships in the body of Christ. Guest: Bronwyn Lea Follow-up Resources: Beyond Awkward Side Hugs: Living as Christian Brothers and Sisters in a Sex-Crazed World by Bronwyn Lea What Defines an Intimate Relationship? by Dr. Juli Slattery (blog) Q&A: What is the Purpose of My Sexuality as a Single? w/Dr. Juli Slattery Q&A: How Can I Tell The Difference Between Sexual Desire And A Desire For Intimacy? w/Dr. Juli Slattery Surrendered Sexuality: How Knowing Jesus Changes . . . Everything by Dr. Juli Slattery Follow Bronwyn at @bronwyn_lea Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

Juli unpacks four of the most common (and subtle) lies we believe about sex, desire, and compatibility. From "sex is about expressing myself" to "the best sex is compatible sex," they explore how these ideas shape our relationships—and how God invites you into something deeper. If you've ever felt stuck, confused, or distant from God because of sexuality, pull up a chair—this conversation is for you. Co-hosts: Hannah Nitz and Joe Caruso Leave us a rating & review in your favorite podcast app. Follow-up Resources: Surrendered Sexuality by Dr. Juli Slattery God, Sex, and Your Marriage by Dr. Juli Slattery Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy Follow Hannah Nitz @hannahnitz Follow Joe at @joecaruso06

What if your relationship with God didn't start with how broken you are—but with how beloved you are? This week, Juli is joined by Marty Solomon, host of the BEMA Podcast, to explore the difference between our Western desire to have all the answers and the Bible's invitation to mystery, curiosity, and wonder. They talk about how systematic theology can both help and hinder our faith, and why being "beloved" is more foundational than being "right." This conversation reframes how we see our humanity in light of God's steadfast love—not as a problem to fix, but as a relationship to steward. Guest: Marty Solomon Preorder Marty's new book, The Gospel of Being Human: How Asking Better Questions of the Bible Reveals Who We Are Listen to The BEMA Podcast (we recommend starting with Season 1) Follow Marty Solomon at @marty_solomon Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

If you're trying to heal after betrayal, you may be doing everything you were taught to do—and still feel stuck. Sometimes we unintentionally sabotage our own healing—all in the name of love and forgiveness. Instead of feeling better, you end up feeling silenced, unsafe, and confused about why healing hasn't happened. Author and counselor Tammy Gustafson joins Juli to share four necessary phases of healing, and three common mistakes that actually shut it down. With clinical insight and biblical wisdom, this conversation will help you move forward with strength and hope. Guest: Tammy Gustafson, LPC Follow-up Resources: Preorder Broken to Brave: Your Courageous Act of Healing After Intimate Betrayal (comes out Jan. 27) Register for The Betrayal Healing Conference, January 26-30. (It's online and free.) Take the Betrayal Healing Quiz to find what phase of the journey you're in. Q&A: Does My Spouse Watch Porn Because of Me? Q&A: How Do I Know if My Spouse Is Repentant After a Betrayal? Thriving Despite a Difficult Marriage by Drs. Chuck and Mike Misja (for the betrayed spouse who stays in a marriage even though their spouse is not doing the work needed to heal) Follow Tammy at @tammylgustafson Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

There's more to the masturbation conversation than simply "right" or "wrong." Could it be an issue of spiritual maturity for some of us—whether we're married or single? Can it be used in a healthy way in marriage? Join us to have your thinking challenged! Co-host: Hannah Nitz Tell us what you thought of this conversation! Leave a rating & review, Share this episode. Join an Authentic Intimacy Online Book Study! Follow-up resources: Masturbation: Is It Wrong? (Juli's blog) What's OK in the Bedroom? (Juli's blog) Is Masturbation a Sin? You May Be Asking the Wrong Question (Juli's blog) Follow Hannah Nitz @hannahnitz Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

What if knowing your loved one's love language isn't enough? Kicking off this new year, Juli sits down with Dr. Gary Chapman to unpack how it is that we can know each other's love language and still feel disconnected. Whether you're married, parenting, or navigating close friendships, this episode will challenge you to love more intentionally—and more effectively. Guest: Dr. Gary Chapman Join an Authentic Intimacy Online Book Study! Pre-order The Love Language That Matters Most by Dr. Gary Chapman, Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott

As we wrap up 2025, this is the conversation God put on Juli's heart. Juli and Hannah sit down to talk about how we love each other when we disagree. This conversation invites you to rethink how you engage in tough conversations and what it really means to contend for truth with love. Give to Authentic Intimacy today! Between now and January 31st, your gift will be matched dollar-for-dollar—up to $70,000. Follow-up Resources: Until Unity by Francis Chan Q&A: How do you love people you disagree with? How We Love Each Other by Dr. Juli Slattery (blog)

Grab your Java for one of our most popular episodes of 2025! This conversation with Dr. Dan Allender helped us understand why the stuff we haven't dealt with from childhood eventually shows up—right in the middle of our relationships. Listen in to find out why you must be willing to explore your own story in order to create safety and repair what's broken. Guest: Dr. Dan Allender Give to Authentic Intimacy today and your gift will be matched dollar-for-dollar, up to $70,000! Follow-up Resources: The Deep-Rooted Marriage by Dr. Dan Allender Follow Dr. Dan at @danballender Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

How do you raise kids who feel grounded in their God-given identity in a world of confusing messages about gender? Dr. Kathy Koch and Dr. Jeff Myers join Juli to unpack how to guide youg people with truth, curiosity, and presence. You'll hear how to lay the foundations of identity, respond to cultural pressures, and raise confident boys and girls. Whether you're a parent, grandparent, or mentor, this conversation offers you practical tools and biblical insight for today's tough questions. Guests: Dr. Kathy Koch and Dr. Jeff Myers Give to Authentic Intimacy today and your gift will be matched dollar-for-dollar, up to $70,000! Follow-up resoures: Get your free book at genderconfidentkids.com Follow Summit Minstrieds at @Summitmn Follow Dr. Kathy Koch at @celebratekidsinc Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

Women everywhere are turning to spicy romance novels to escape stress, overwhelm, and the monotony of everyday life. Today, Juli talks about why these trending titles feel so intoxicating, how they subtly shape our expectations of intimacy, and why they often leave us feeling disconnected from real relationships. Instead of escaping into fictional worlds, hear how you can rediscover the adventure and connection God designed for real life. Co-host: Hannah Nitz Give to Authentic Intimacy today! Between now and January 1st, your gift to Authentic Intimacy will be matched dollar for dollar up to $70,000. Follow-up Resources: What Do I Do With My Sexual Desire? by Dr. Juli Slattery (blog) Masturbation: Is It Wrong? by Dr. Juli Slattery (blog) Confessions of a Former Erotica Author by Francine Rivers (blog) Java with Juli #579: Good Girls, Bad Books: Erotica in Young Adult Fiction? Follow Hannah Nitz at @hannahnitz Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy Resources quoted in this episode: The Rise of Smut: How TikTok is reviving romance literature. Thanks to BookTok, Barnes & Noble is opening more stores than ever. More than Mommy Porn: Why I read smut

We're diving into the often overlooked side of sexual intimacy: emotional connection in marriage. Juli and guest Gary Thomas unpack three building blocks of emotional intimacy—emotional availability, sensitive responsiveness, and trust. From understanding male and female brain chemistry to tips on daily connection habits, this conversation gives you tangible ways to create a stronger, healthier marriage. Guest: Gary Thomas Give to Authentic Intimacy today—every gift matched dollar for dollar up to $70,000! Follow-up Resources Safe Haven Marriage by Arch Hart and Sharon May A Lifelong Love by Gary Thomas Follow Gary Thomas at @garythomasbooks Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

What if sexual intimacy became something you look forward to, instead of something you brace yourself for? Juli sits down with sex therapist Debra Taylor to talk about what we've learned about women's sexuality over the last 30 years. They dive into the myths that still plague marriages, the real factors shaping women's sexual desire, why exhaustion is often the #1 barrier to intimacy, and how couples can pursue healing, connection, and a more meaningful sex life—especially when trauma or mismatched desire is part of the story. Guest: Dr. Debra Taylor Giving Tuesday is next week—your gift will be matched, dollar for dollar, up to $70,000! Follow-up Resources: The Secrets of Eve by Arch Hart, Debra Taylor, Catherine Hart Weber Five Things You Need To Know About Women, Orgasm, and Intimacy by Dr. Juli Slattery (blog) Your Sexual Differences Can Make You Better Lovers by Dr. Juli Slattery (blog) A Secret for the Guys by Dr. Juli Slattery (blog) Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

The holidays should bring peace. Instead, they often bring tension, unresolved hurt, and that one person who knows how to get under your skin. Today, Juli sits down with author and radio host Brant Hansen to talk about what it means to be "unoffendable"—especially when you're passing the mashed potatoes to someone you struggle to forgive. Guest: Brant Hansen Follow-up Resources: Unoffendable by Brant Hansen How to Have Tough Conversations by Juli Slattery (blog) When Your Adult Child Makes Choices You Disagree With by Juli Slattery (blog) Follow Brant Hansen at @branthansen Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

Lips that drip liquid myrrh, cheeks like beds of spices . . . what on earth is happening here? This week, we're making sense of the metaphors in Song of Songs. Find out how this bizarre (to us) love poetry shows us that God is wholeheartedly, enthusiastically, and unequivocally in favor of out-of-this-world sexual pleasure in marriage. Guest: Dr. Sandra Glahn If you enjoyed this conversation, leave us a rating and review in your podcast app. Follow-up Resources: What If I Hate Sex? by Juli Slattery (blog) How to Go from Demand and "Duty Sex" to True Sexual Intimacy by Juli Slattery (blog) Pre-order the Lifeway CSB Women's Study Bible (with contributions by Dr. Glahn) Passion Pursuit: What Kind of Love are You Making? with Juli Slattery & Linda Dillow (a 12-week study through the Song of Songs) Follow Dr. Glahn @sandraglahnauthor Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

If you've ever felt unseen, disconnected, or tired of pretending you're okay, this episode is for you. This week, author and speaker Toni Collier shares how healing begins when we stop hiding and start letting others in. Through her own story of heartbreak and redemption, you'll hear encouragement and practical wisdom on finding safe people, breaking toxic patterns, and walking with God and others toward healing. Guest: Toni Collier Follow-up Resources: Don't Try This Alone: How to Build Deep Community When You Want to Hide from Your Pain by Toni Collier God's Healing Stinks by Juli Slattery (blog) Why Is Healing So Hard by Juli Slattery (blog) Q&A: How do I get past my sexual shame? (video) Follow Toni Collier @tonijcollier Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

This one's a hot topic—and we know it. 🔥 Juli sits down with Dr. Christopher West to talk about birth control, self-control, and God's design for our bodies. Whether you've wrestled with this teaching or never thought twice about it, this conversation invites you to pause, listen, and seek truth with us. Guest: Dr. Christopher West Follow-up Resources: Our Bodies Tell God's Story by Dr. Christopher West Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy Follow Christopher West at @cwestofficial

As Jesus followers, is it okay that we want to look younger, thinner, and prettier? We live in a world obsessed with appearances. Everywhere you look, someone's getting fillers, enhancements, or posting a "perfect" version of themselves online. In this episode, Juli and Hannah take an honest look at these questions—not to hand out a new list of rules, but to invite you into a bigger story. Co-host: Hannah Nitz If you enjoyed this conversation, leave us a rating and review in your podcast app. Follow Hannah Nitz @hannahnitz Follow Authentic Intimacy @authenticintimacy Find more resources at www.authenticintimacy.com

Ever feel like you're the only one in your marriage who wants to have sex? In most marriages, there is typically one partner with a higher sex drive—and that person is usually trying to convince the other to have more sex. In this episode, Juli and Dr. Corey Allan talk about how to move beyond "I have a need, and you have an obligation" to real sexual intimacy. Guest: Dr. Corey Allan Leave us a rating & review in your favorite podcast app. Follow-Up Resources: God, Sex & Your Marriage by Dr. Juli Slattery Sexy Marriage Radio with Dr. Corey Allan Follow Dr. Corey at @sexymarriageradio Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy