Intimate Judaism

Harav Binyamin Lau, community leader, author, teacher, and former Rabbi of the Ramban Synagogue in Jerusalem, recently introduced a document providing guidance for members of the religious LGBTQ community and their families. This document is a collection of recommendations that, according to Rav Benny, "Do not permit prohibitions or prohibit things that are permitted," but seek to pave the way to integrate one's identity with religious life. In this bonus episode of Intimate Judaism, Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum speak candidly with Rav Benny about reconciling religious and homosexual or transgender identities, and how to promote greater acceptance and inclusion of LGBTQ individuals and couples in Orthodox communities. Become an Intimate Judaism Patreon subscriber to get additional episodes, merch and more. Just go to https://www.patreon.com/intimatejudaism!

Tantric sex originates from ancient Hinduism and revolves around sexual practices that focus on creating a deep, intimate connection. It is a meditative sexual practice that encourages people to focus on the connections between the mind, the body, and the soul. It is intended to lead to fulfilling sexual experiences and greater intimacy. Taoism is a system of traditional beliefs from China. Taoists believe that when a man ejaculates, he loses some aspects of his vitality, or life force, and Taoist practices include learning to delay ejaculation, thereby increasing energy as well as enhancing the sexual experience. While these practices have pagan origins and sound antithetical to our tradition, Yiscah and Yehonatan Schumer, tantric and taoist religious sex instructors from Zfat, say "When you see wisdom amongst the nations, you may believe it," and describe how they merge these practices with a Jewish approach to sex and intimacy. Join this exciting episode as the Schumers speak with Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum. Become an Intimate Judaism Patreon subscriber to get additional episodes, merch and more. Just go to https://www.patreon.com/intimatejudaism to find out more! Visit Yiscah and Yehonatan Schumer's website at http://kelimshloovim.co.il/.

Intimacy and sexual experiences are so closely connected with a person's sense of identity, and so seldom discussed in many religious communities, that they often are the source of tremendous feelings of guilt. When are these feelings misplaced and when do they serve a constructive purpose? How should a religious individual manage his experience of guilt? Is there a way to reframe the experience of shame or guilt in order to create a sense of empowerment? Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn as they tackle these and other timely questions. Become an Intimate Judaism Patreon subscriber to get additional episodes, merch, and more. Just go to https://www.patreon.com/intimatejudaism.

The Netflix series "Unorthodox" inspired two Intimate Judaism ZOOM panels on female and male sexuality respectively. But many listeners had further questions about sexual functioning in men -particularly with regard to "performance anxiety" - and asked us to discuss the topic in more detail. Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn in this bonus episode, as they discuss the factors that can contribute to erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation or delayed ejaculation, and how religious and social pressure can contribute to these conditions. Support Intimate Judaism by becoming an Intimate Judaism patron on Patreon! Go to https://www.patreon.com/intimatejudaism to get exclusive access, merch, and more.

Men are sexually assertive, they constantly think about and want sex, and their masculinity is determined by the frequency of their sexual conquests and their performance. This stereotype is perpetuated by the media in Western culture. Jewish sources, on the other hand, acknowledge the power of the male sexual drive, but require men to direct this drive exclusively towards marital relations. The expectation to live up to contemporary societal expectations of masculinity, to struggle with forbidden sexual arousal, yet be commanded when appropriate to perform sexually with one's wife, may contribute to feelings of confusion, frustration, and anxiety. Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn as they lead a panel discussion about male sexuality. They discuss the love/lust split, sex outside of marriage among religious men, mindfulness for the treatment of sexual performance anxiety, creating meaningful and enjoyable sex within marriage, and much more.

Intimate Judaism's recent ZOOM live panel (https://www.intimatejudaism.com/unorthodox-intimacy-and-authenticity-how-accurate-is-the-netflix-series-portrayal-of-chasidic-intimacy-episode-21/) aroused a great deal of interest and discussion. Many of our listeners wrote in describing their experiences, and in this bonus episode, Brooklyn trauma therapist Chaya Feuerman relates how the messages she received from her own kallah teacher shaped her negative beliefs about sexuality. Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum as they discuss premarital sexual education, wedding night anxiety, what to do about painful sex, and the tension between maintaining cultural sensitivity while promoting sexual health and autonomy.

The Netflix series "Unorthodox" portrays the journey of Esty, a young Satmar Chasidic woman who ultimately leaves her marriage and her community to live a secular life in Berlin. Her marital life with her husband, Yanky, and in particular, their dysfunctional sexual relationship, is fraught with conflict and unhealthy intervention of others. Moreover, Esty is seen as having little autonomy over her body or entitlement to withhold sexual consent. We invited a panel of experts to discuss some of the topics raised by this series, including sexual autonomy and agency vs. obligation, vaginismus and unconsummated marriage and the state of sexual education in Orthodox and Ultra-Orthodox communities. Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn as they interview Sara Schapiro-Halberstam, Yehudis Fletcher, and Diana Melnick in this fascinating and important panel discussion.

The Coronavirus has affected how we live, how we work, how we congregate and how we experience touch and intimacy. The world at large has had to renegotiate the common norms of social intimacy with distancing measures that are increasing daily. Meanwhile, couples are faced with a new reality: confinement at home, the need to keep children occupied and help them cope with stress and uncertainty, as well as provide comfort and reassurance to one another. How do couples navigate their intimate relationships during this time? Midrashic sources point to several times in history where mankind refrained from relations in times of existential crisis , hunger and enslavement. On the other hand, it may be specifically during times of crisis that couples wish to re-affirm their vitality, comfort one another, or even simply relieve tension through sexual relations. Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn in discussing emotional and physical intimacy in the time of Corona.

Our sources teach us that lusting after our hearts is prohibited. Yet sexual curiosity, fantasy, and thinking about sex are part of the normative developmental process. Therefore, how do we determine how much is too much and what thoughts and behaviors are problematic? Is what may be "bad for your neshama" like viewing porn, necessarily bad for your mental health, and might the battle to guard one's eyes and control one's thoughts actually backfire, leading to obsessional thinking and compulsive behaviors? Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn as they discuss sex addiction, pornography, and compulsive sexual behaviors, as well as identification, prevention, and treatment. Special thanks to Dr. Yaniv Efrati, educator and sex researcher, for his valuable contribution to the discussion.

"Sex is not something you 'have' but rather an expression of an intimate and erotic energy that a couple mutually shares." This quote, from the recently released book, I Am For My Beloved: A Guide to Enhanced Intimacy for Married Couples by co-authors Talli Rosenbaum and David Ribner, reflects the theme that a passionate marriage is about cultivating a loving, emotionally intimate relationship. In this episode of Intimate Judaism, Rabbi Scott Kahn interviews co-host Talli Rosenbaum, and her co-author Dr. David Ribner about the book, which helps couples improve both their emotional and physical intimate lives. Join Rabbi Scott, David, and Talli, as they discuss the challenges of writing a book about sex for Orthodox Jewish couples, the topics they chose, and the book's relevance for Jewish couples, regardless of their background. Finally, listen as Talli and David offer suggestions for sustaining passion in a long term, monogamous marriage.

Is sexual pleasure considered an important value in Judaism? What place does sex for pleasure have in a healthy marriage? Join Talli and Scott for a frank and open discussion about these and many other questions.

Is sexual pleasure considered an important value in Judaism? What place does sex for pleasure have in a healthy marriage? Join Talli and Scott for a frank and open discussion about these and many other questions.

During the month of Tishri, we engage in a process of Tshuva; self-reflection and repentance. Through prayer, we repair our relationships and connect with God, with ourselves, and with those we may have hurt. In this mini episode, join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum as they discuss how the basic elements of the tshuva process can serve as a model for healing and repairing our relationships with ourselves and the significant others in our lives.

"It's not good for man to be alone." Living a traditional Jewish life implies marriage and raising a family. Sexual intimacy is highly valued, but only within the framework of a marital bond. However, whether due to the "shidduch crisis," rising divorce rates, or other circumstances, our communities include many individuals who haven't married, or are widowed or divorced. What are the experiences of singles in attempting to navigate a normal, healthy drive for connection and intimacy with the halachic and communal expectations of sexual abstinence? Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn in a frank discussion about singles and sexuality.

What happens when couples disagree over religious observance? When one spouse decides that he or she no longer wants to be observant? Is there a way to reach an understanding? Join Talli and Scott as we discuss these issues on the season finale of Intimate Judaism!

Sexual exclusivity is a core value of Jewish marriage. Extramarital sexual contact – infidelity – represents not only a breach of Jewish law, but also a rupture of the couple's loyalty and trust. While sexual intercourse with another person is almost universally considered adultrous behavior, how do couples define what they consider to be a betrayal? Is texting, having lunch with a member of the opposite sex, or flirting considered infidelity? And if lines are crossed, how can the couple repair their relationship? Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn for a serious look at the personal, psychological, halachic, and hashkafic issues involved in this topic - a subject too often swept under the carpet.

Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn address your questions in this special Q&A episode of Intimate Judaism. Among the issues they deal with are homosexuality and Orthodoxy, Halacha's attitude toward sterilization via tubal ligation or vasectomy, whether we should encourage our children to talk to kids of the opposite gender, and more.

Many people are taught that following Taharat HaMishpacha - the laws of family purity - keeps a marriage fresh, and adds passion to a couple's sexual relationship. Often, this is true, but many times, it's not. Some couples find that Taharat HaMishpacha adds a tremendous strain to their relationship. Are there solutions within Halacha? What should a couple in this situation do? Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn speak with Yoatzot Halacha Nechama Goldman Barash and Atara Eis to discover how they confront these issues, and whether couples can find reasonable solutions that allow them to follow Jewish law without straining their marriage.

Are sexual relations in Jewish marriage mandatory? Can either partner demand sexual relations at any time? How do we reconcile that concept with the understanding that autonomy and mutual consent are core values of sexual and marital health? Stay tuned for this episode of Intimate Judaism when Talli Y. Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn discuss the sources.

Judaism's view of sex within marriage- is it really ruled by do's and dont's or does anything go? What do the sources actually say? Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn for a frank and enlightening discussion. You may be surprised at what you will learn.

In his recent analysis of the "#MeToo earthquake," Rabbi Avi Shafran, Agudath Israel of America's director of public affairs, bemoans the "supposedly enlightened, progressive, post-patriarchal society, with its proud claim to value and respect women," and questions how we can expect men to respect women who dress and behave immodestly. In contrast, he asserts that sexual abuse is "relatively rare" in a society guided by Jewish law, where modesty and strict boundaries on gender interaction provide a carefully controlled environment, and women are valued and respected rather than objectified. In this episode of Intimate Judaism, Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn discuss Rabbi Shafran's premise and his conclusion. While acknowledging the socio-cultural contrasts, they question the value of this self-idealization; though the mechanisms of abuse of power and authority may look different, objectification and victimization exist across cultures, and Orthodox Judaism is no exception. During the second half of the show, they are joined by Dr. Rachel Yehuda, an expert on trauma, who led a team of researchers who demonstrated that sexual abuse is indeed not a rare phenomenon in Orthodox society.

Many couples await the wedding night with anticipation and excitement, as they are finally permitted to express their desire for one another and to consummate their relationship. For some couples, however, the wedding night, and sometimes the weeks and months thereafter, can be a source of anxiety and distress, and represents an obligation they struggle to "perform successfully." How do couples negotiate the transition from abstinence to full sexual intercourse? What happens when one partner is not ready or is hesitant, anxious or afraid? Is wedding night sex an Halachic obligation and if so, how can it be fully consensual? In this episode of Intimate Judaism, Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn discuss the reasons for wedding night stress, and the ways these issues should be addressed to enable couples to approach the wedding night with communication and mutual consent.

Intimate Judaism's most recent episode, 'Shomer Negiah: Premarital Sexual Activity and Jewish Values," generated plenty of comments, discussion, and disagreement. In this bonus episode, Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn address listener comments, and expand on the differences between guilt and shame, whether a person "has to" consult a rabbi before making a Halachic decision, the consequences of non-Halachic sexual activity and more.

As human beings, we are wired for connection, and the desire for intimate touch is a natural instinct. However, Jewish Law is clear that premarital sexual activity, even when it doesn't involve sexual intercourse, is forbidden. How do we manage that tension? Do we acknowledge that the halachot of refraining from touching the opposite gender are not universally observed, and discuss openly which prohibitions are Torah law and which are Rabbinic enactments so that individuals can choose to "lessen" the prohibition? Will that be understood as tacit sanctioning of premarital touching? How do we impart our values without creating feelings of guilt and conflict about sexuality? What are the keys to discussing premarital sexual activity with Orthodox Jews in an honest and healthy manner? Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn for a fascinating and frank discussion of these important religious and educational issues.

Preparing our children so that they grow up to be healthy, independent, and happy adults requires giving them the right messages at all stages of their development. What is the connection between growing up in a safe and secure environment, and the ability to experience pleasure in the context of marital intimacy? Why is it necessary to avoid judging our children, even when we disagree with their decisions? What do we mean when we try to teach them about intimacy? And how can our relationship with G-d serve as a model for intimacy with a spouse? Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn for a fascinating and timely discussion about these important issues.

Almost all parents try to raise their children in a manner that both reflects the parents' moral values, and gives children the necessary tools so that they lead fulfilling and emotionally healthy lives. This is certainly true in the Halachic community, which must balance the messages children hear from the ourside world with the Torah values they are taught at home and in school. How can we achieve this balance so that our kids learn to respect the Halachic attitudes toward sex, while also growing into sexually healthy adults? Is there a way to use media in order to educate? How does our use of language convey appropriate or inappropriate messages? Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn for a fascinating discussion about this important topic.

Halachic sources state that male masturbation is unequivocally prohibited under Jewish law. This prohibition, however, often creates serious conflict and guilt in the religious and private lives of young Orthodox men, with consequences ranging from experiencing feelings of hypocrisy, to dropping out of Orthodoxy altogether, to skewing their perceptions of what marriage is supposed to be. In this episode of Intimate Judaism, Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum discuss this important topic, and attempt to outline how parents, teachers, and children should navigate the dual tracks of strengthening a commitment to Halacha, while enabling healthy sexual growth and attitudes.

Discover Intimate Judaism, where a rabbi and therapist discuss intimacy, sexuality, and relationships in the context of Jewish family life and Torah observance. We raise conflicts and challenges, and offer candid solutions, while remaining firmly within the bounds of Torah and Halacha.