Imagined Paris Podcast

"Almost greedily, Paris, I am consuming everything that is beautiful and temporary this morning has to offer for me – everything that is music, everything that is light, everything that is warm, everything that is carnal, and in the process, I feel your embrace embodied. Who knew love isn’t in anything eternal? Who knew, that as the objects come and pass, love travels so that it has a chance to evolve..."(Read the full text on imaginedparis.com)

"I’m rejoicing in this very hour of freedom, to breathe and to write my heart out from this warm barge on the River Thames under the Albert Bridge and to reach your ears and your heart’s peripheries and make you feel less alone, maybe even less afraid...."(Read the full text on imaginedparis.com)

"Can one be on the wrong path when wishing only good things? Can one be on the wrong path wishing no harms on others? Is it enough – wishing and wanting? And which ‘others’ – is there only one? I feel that my questions about the world are no longer fake..."(Read the full text on imaginedparis.com)

"To experience to be accepted without having to perform is to learn how to love others more unconditionally. Oh, to feel so free! I wouldn’t know which came first – the freedom to be myself or being accepted for myself, but the impact on my journey is profound and I am most grateful..."(Read the full text on imaginedparis.com)

"Your river, Paris, she is deep and wide enough for vessels to travel. My heart is deep, and more so in continuous heavy rain, but has it been wide enough for vessels to travel? And is it safe enough for one to stay, especially when it is overflowing?"(Read the full text on imaginedparis.com)

"My little heart, pretending to be big, who gets the hurt from my strong conviction, can handle it. But perhaps I lied when I said my heart didn’t need soothing when I broke it with my rational decision— to break up in December, par exemple — or at least I was confused. Now, after waves of pain, guilt, and even anger, which surprised my heart a little, I know my rational conviction, my principles are what soothe my pain, because they give meaning to it and meaning is as important as life itself, if not more..."(Read the full text on imaginedparis.com)

"Ça va, Paris ?""How have you been in the last few hours? You looked after me so well for the past week that there was not a moment that I didn’t feel loved, and London was so welcoming this morning with its persistent rain, which I welcomed with my persistent smile..."(Read the full text on imaginedparis.com)

"I ran two miles this morning and walked a little along the Seine, spying Notre Dame in the distance with giddiness in my body before picking up mini viennoiseries from the local boulangerie. I am now back in bed, sitting here not feeling blue, spilling my heart to you: Paris, Paris, que je m’en fou!" (Read the full text on imaginedparis.com)

"That’s what I want, Paris – staying close. I’m staying close to you when the rain tiptoes on the skylight window in the morning, when water splashes the porthole of my room like a waving scarf, when I hear my footsteps on the barge floor in the middle of the night, when my breaths speak slowly to my mind, when tears gently cleanse my face…"(Read the full text on imaginedparis.com)

"It’s quiet, Paris. The rain is dancing lightly on the pier and on the deck and I feel as light—ben, it’s just getting heavier all of a sudden—now it’s tiptoeing again—getting heavy again, and back to its lightness – you get the idea. Yet, all the same, it feels quiet in my world...."(Read the full text on imaginedparis.com)

"A bientot, Paris!""I now feel so embraced while embracing all my Parisian phases—the ‘young and abandoned’ Dina, the ‘unhappily-married’ Dina, the ‘reborn and rebellious’ Dina, the ‘single and not on the dating apps’ Dina, the ‘insatiable Londoner girlfriend’ Dina, and the current phase I haven’t got a label for yet..."(Read the full text on imaginedparis.com)

"What a night, Paris!""All the same, I feel such tenderness toward everything and everyone these days—yes, even you—especially you! I feel that I understand them and I want them to feel seen so that in turn they can see themselves, all that good and all the goods. I feel that I understand you and I want you to feel seen so that in turn you can see yourself, all that good and all the goods."Read the full text on imaginedparis.com

"Happy new year, Paris!""And do you know that this is my 21st podcast?"Links to the previous 20 titles, in the order as mentioned in this episode:I (IP27)Right place at the right time (IP34)Fading (IP26)Light, open, touched (Ip32)Unfolding (IP40)I don't miss you, Paris (IP21)Looking at you (IP39)Waves (IP30)Here and everywhere else (IP25)I have nothing, Paris (IP22)Madame est servie! (IP24)Il a neigé (IP36)Chez moi (IP29)I'm not home (IP28)Je vais bien, I think (IP23)It's not about you, Paris (IP31)I had a strange dream (IP35)Reprise (IP38)Si jamais, t'as ton coeur (IP37)Joyeux anniversaire to us! (IP33)Read the full text on imaginedparis.com

"This is where we are, Paris. This is what we’re doing. I have asked for you and thus you exist for me – the you I have imagined so far. One by one, things are revealed to us that bring us closer to the vision—alright, too abstract for you?"(Read the full text on imaginedparis.com)

"I’m looking at you—have you grown with me, Paris? Is that you allowing me to relax about not knowing what I’m going to do, or even where I’m going to live, come the new year? I’m here right now and I’m practicing my art; I’m writing and I’m acting again—I’m acting in Paris again! My daughter can hardly cope with how cool her ibu is! Well, maybe she can, but I still ‘eat’."(Read the full text on imaginedparis.com)

"Bonjour, Paris!""Today I feel free. I have been walking with myself for the last few days and today I walk like someone in love. Little dances that I predicted last week have been translated into something more profound and more aligned with who I am, that is tears of joy...."Read the full text on imaginedparis.com

"I'm still here, Paris....""Broken but intact, I imagine myself walking along the Seine, or some unknown stream, somewhere, with a full-bodied smile from my heart to my face, and perhaps a little dance here and there too. Like someone in love, like someone free, for I'll be one with clarity...."Read the full text on imaginedparis.com

"It snowed, Paris. It snowed in Paris and I’m staying inside my head. I threw away my train ticket back to London last night so I get to spend another day and a half here, mostly to convince myself that Paris is still a good idea...."Read the full text on imaginedparis.com

"I had a strange dream, Paris. All my dreams are strange.""Maybe I’ll still walk in the rain alone, occasionally, for feeling misunderstood. But that’s alright – a falling star would fly back up in a hurry if anyone wished to understand me fully. It’s good to be understood by someone, albeit not fully, and it’s great to never be misunderstood by oneself."(Read the full text on imaginedparis.com)

"You seem so far away with all the paperwork required for my long stay visa. And when there’s any delay in getting any document, you feel even further. But not forgotten – yet. I guess I’m just living in the present more these days – because when there’s still enough water in the tank to flush the toilet, I’m reminded of my existence: I can flush, thus I exist. That, and my casual meditations...."Read the full text on imaginedparis.com

"I’m here, Paris; staring at a blank page with a fatigue after moving from my Wimbledon flat onto a 2-bed boat in Chelsea recently – yeah, really, what did the universe see in me?... ""On the boat I have created a tiny corner with a desk, a red Anglepoise lamp, a few cherished books (three of them my own) and a Freewrite Traveler, where the poet feels so at home for the first time in a very long time and has typed 22 poems in Indonesian and English within three days in preparation for the republishing of my second book published 20 years ago...."Read the full text on imaginedparis.com

"Bonjour, Paris!"I’m doing everything I can to be with you. I’m doing everything I can to be with you without losing myself. In fact, I’m doing everything I can to be with myself, which I found in you, through you. You of all people know how important myself – I meant this journey – is!"Read the whole text on imaginedparis.com

"Bonjour! Today is not about you.""... I have also come to realise that there’s no use in forcing you, or anyone, into my life either. That truth, that freedom, that freedom that comes from everything that’s true and that truth that is achieved in freedom: that is the pursuit."Read the full text at imaginedparis.com

WARNING: contains one forbidden 'F' word."Three days until I’m with you again, Paris.""I want to talk to you about waves. Not only the ones that came and went rocking the boat my friends let me use on the Thames for a few days last week, and test, or rather train, my balance, which I got used to rather fast. I want to talk to you about the other waves too, and how at times I am soothed by them like a baby, other times they turn my stomach upside down and make me feel dizzy. So dizzy beyond my determination, though my determination could keep me standing – at times."(Read the full text on imaginedparis.com)

"Coucou, Paris – I’m at home!""For the not so very first time, this Libra is going to decide and take actions before thinking instead of weighing all options for eternity minus a day. I’m done thinking, I’m done being on the fence and I’m done being slapped by the universe for resisting what resonates with my heart in the name of anything. Time to come home to myself, in the place where I feel most belong."(Read the full text on imaginedparis.com)

"I’m not home, Paris. Or at least that’s how I feel. I accepted some time ago that love is my dining table and it could be anywhere. I guess I’m mostly ridden by guilt and fear instead of love at the moment and so I feel rather homeless.""I feel like I’m not doing anything. And if writing is the only craft I know, or so I keep bragging, I know I’m not doing my craft well, if at all. Rain has been raining, single leaves have been falling, hearts have been breaking and I’ve had to focus on other matters and that drives me away from being one with myself. And that drives me crazy."(Read the full text on imaginedparis.com)

"I’m supposed to write, I say. I’m supposed to say something, Paris.""I’m being quiet, or trying to be. I’ve been trying to separate anger, and frustration, from pain and I’m prepared to surrender. No more theories, however impractical my mind could be. No more worries, hopefully. What about nightmares and memories – how to deal with them gracefully? I said no more theories – sorry."(Read the full text on imaginedparis.com)

"I feel like I’m fading, Paris. So much to do. I don’t want to do. And I miss you. A little. Too much. Too.""It’s like that. But it’s not that. Is this the price? You pay. For not choosing. To walk. In a previous scenario. Where the weather was rough. The road was dark. But the distance was short. Potentially short. And you said yes. To a fast drive. That took you. To this transit. In the first place..."(Read the full text on imaginedparis.com)

"Here – I’m here with you, Paris. A bit sleepy today and almost bailed out of writing the memoir after the 70s dance party at La Coupole last night, but no hangover – I drank cleanly: champagne only. I’ve been in you for a week already, this time. I had to fly to Edinburgh for work the other day – a last-minute assignment as usual, but I flew straight back to you the next day.""Here, my life in London is fading..."(Read the full text on imaginedparis.com)

"Pressure’s off, Paris. There has never been any. Pressure’s off. To be there with you fully or to be here in London mostly – I travel around a lot anyway. Pressure’s off because I can do whatever I want – always have been able to – anyway, not because I always have the resources before I make a decision, but because I am brave enough to take the risks, every single time, and I will only be brave enough when it feels right to me – yup: I’m an emotional being, intensely so..."(Read the full text on imaginedparis.com)

"I’m okay, Paris. I feel a bit groggy, yes, from having slept about 3.5 hours every day for the last three days, because there aren’t enough hours in a day to get things done recently, or that’s how I’d like to put it anyway – ce n’est pas ma faute, tu vois? (I know how much you adore it when I speak French in my silly accent) but I’m okay: for the first time in a while, I’m okay about being away from you...""...I guess there isn’t really much to say about being okay, is there? Except the list of contrasting states to being okay – like..."(Read the full text on imaginedparis.com)

"I have nothing to say to you. Nothing so personal, anyway. In case you can’t stomach it. In case I can’t stomach it...""...Do you even want to be with me knowing how unlight I can be, or am I only this heavy because I’m not there with you, fully? Either way, how can I even breathe regularly knowing that my lung and my heart belong to your bohemian air?"(Read the full text on imaginedparis.com)

"I don’t miss you, Paris. London’s quite alright – we have similar weather some days.""Well, I can dream when I’m here, about anything; I just close my eyes, regulate my breathing, sometimes put on some non-jazz music, and see what I want to achieve and I know I’ll achieve it, like all the things I’ve achieved without you since I left you in 2019 – l can at least try again."(Read the full text on imaginedparis.com)