How to Live in Denmark

I love old books. I love the kind of old books you get at antique bookstores or on the Internet Archive. And I have a good collection of old books about Denmark. I like old travel guides, most of which are still pretty useful because Denmark doesn't tear a lot of things down the way they do, in say, Los Angeles or Hong Kong. In Denmark you'll pretty much fine most castles and monuments right where somebody left them hundreds of years ago. If you want to see a famous church or square or the Jelling Stone, your Baedecker guidebook from 1895 will work just fine for you in most cases. But I can also recommend two great old books on Denmark, which you can probably find at your local antique book shop, or on DBA, the Danish auction site owned by eBay.

While I'm not an authority on the Danish visa or immigration systems, I'm often asked for practical tips about moving to Denmark. So here are a few things to think about when you're packing your suitcases or, if you're doing a corporate move, packing your shipping container. Number one, make sure you bring money. Denmark is an expensive place to live where you will own less stuff, but better stuff. That said, there's no need to bring much furniture, even mores if your furniture is nothing special. You can often buy Danish design furniture cheap at local second-hand stores and flea markets, and for everything else, there's always IKEA - in Denmark, or across the water in IKEA's homeland of Sweden.

Denmark has had two female prime ministers and about forty percent of the people elected to the Folketing, the Danish Parliament, are women. But when it comes to private industry, Danish women have one of the lowest participation rates in management in Europe. According to the OECD, only 26.5% of managers in Denmark are female, compared to 39.8% in the US. It's not unusual to see a senior management team made up entirely of Danish males, with perhaps a Swedish or German male thrown in for diversity. That said, the majority of adult Danish women hold paying jobs. The Danish tax system makes it very difficult for a couple to survive on one income, even a hefty one.

It might seem like a counterintuitive time to talk about beaches, in the middle of a long, very cold winter. But in these times of COVID, beaches are one of the few places in Denmark you are currently allowed to meet up with family and friends. Beaches, parks, frozen-over lakes: these are the big social meeting points at time when cafés, restaurants, bars, shops, gyms, schools, theaters, museums, places of worship, and hairdressers, barbers, and nail salons are all closed. But getting a small group together outdoors is still allowed, and the beach can still be a nice place to be – even if you have to put up with sand's that frozen solid, slippery rocks, and bitter, bitter wind off the icy cold water.

I like to drive. I like to be on the open road, like in the American Southwest - Arizona, Nevada, Utah. Put your pedal to the metal, no one in front of you, no one in the rear view mirror. Just you and the road. You will not get that experience much in Denmark, a small country with a lot of people packed into a small area. There's not a lot of open land here, not much living off the grid. Which doesn't mean drivers don't long for it. You'll see those open roads in Arizona and Nevada in a lot of Danish TV advertisements. It's frequently said about Denmark that it's not a car country. You hear a lot of well-meaning internationals say that in Denmark you don't need a car that you can bicycle everywhere you want to go. That is true in the big cities - I don't own a car myself. But most of my Copenhagen neighbors do. And cars are pretty much a necessity in the countryside. There are now 2.5 million cars in use in Denmark, roughly one for every other resident over age 18.

When visiting Denmark, you'll be offered Danish food, and expressing enthusiasm for it will go a long way towards generating harmony with your Danish friends. The good news is, Danish cuisine offers something for everyone. If you're a carnivore, don't miss the Danish pork dishes, particularly "flæskesteg". That's a crispy, fatty fried pork that's the official national food. For people who prefer fish, there's a great selection in this country surrounded by water. Curried herring and fried plaice are popular, and so are many types of salmon. Vegans can enjoy a wide choice of root vegetables, wonderful fresh Danish berries, or the sweet elderflower juice that is sometimes blended with vodka or champagne.

It's a funny kind of summer this year in Copenhagen, quieter than usual, and more like a family event than a cosmopolitan city. Coronavirus came early to Denmark, the borders were shut down early, but they're mostly open now to other Europeans. But the change came too late for many people to make summer vacation plans, so many of the usual tourist attractions are slightly forlorn. There are a few Europeans around the Little Mermaid and the Royal Palaces, but not many. And there are no huge cruise ships full of Americans docking at Langelinie, or the busloads of Chinese tourists stopping to take pictures with the statue of Hans Christian Andersen. Copenhagen has become less of an international city than it was a year ago. Meanwhile, many Danes are spending their own summer vacations in Denmark, which has one major drawback - the Danish summer weather.

Among the many cultural questions I ask audiences during my How to Live in Denmark Game Show is "Which animal represents Denmark best?"? There never seems to be an obvious or generally agreed-upon answer. Sure, the bear represents Russia, the elephant Thailand, and the bald eagle the United States. But what about Denmark? Denmark does have a national animal – the mute swan (Cygnus olor) – but an image of a swan doesn't provoke the kind of immediate association with Denmark that, say, a koala bear does with Australia. That said, mute swans are easy to find in Denmark. You can see them sailing down the quiet streams of the country's historical parks, such as the vold in Fredericia or Utterslev Mose in suburban Copenhagen. But these strong, individualist, and often angry animals are a strange fit for a country that prides itself on co-operation and peacefulness. They're also not really mute – in fact, they have a noisy hiss that can signal an attack if they feel their nest is threatened. Given that these muscular birds are about a meter tall and their wingspan can be twice that, you may feel threatened too.

Alcohol has a long history in Denmark. The Vikings brewed four types of beverages: ale, mead, fruit wine, and syra, a fermented milk – and for many centuries Danish babies have eaten øllebrød, which is a mix of old bread scraps and beer. Fast forward a few centuries, and alcohol is still part of almost every Danish gathering. Early in 2020, the EU Commission reported that Denmark placed an unhappy first in Europe in binge drinking and that it was one of the reasons Danes have the shortest expected lifespan in Western Europe. According to the report, 37% of adult Danes said they had "regular major alcohol usage," which was nearly double the EU average of 20%.

January, February, and March are some of the dreariest months in Denmark – it's dark, with no Christmas lights to pep it up – and many people are dealing with a heavy load of year-end debt from traveling, parties, dining out, and gifts. Along with religion, personal finance is a topic that is rarely discussed in Denmark. But the country has one of the highest rates of household debt in the world. And once you get into debt in Denmark, it can be very difficult to get out.

If you're newly arrived in Denmark, making Danish friends is not easy – in fact, surveys show that one of the main reasons internationals end up leaving is the difficulty of building a network. The irony is that Danes are actually very good at friendship. Their friendships are strong, reliable, and deep-rooted. Friends can count on each other. But because Danes take friendships so seriously, they like to keep their number of friendships under control. They don't want to take on more friends than they can keep their deep commitment to. The statement "I just don't have room for any more friends" sounds perfectly sensible to Danes, and utterly stunning to foreigners. When internationals ask me how they can make Danish friends, I have one primary piece of advice. It is: find a Dane who did not grow up in the part of Denmark where you live now.

The relaxed approach to nudity in Denmark can be a surprise for many newcomers. It's something they're often confronted with at the local swimming hall, where a very large and strong attendant insists that they take off their entire swimsuit and shower thoroughly before going into the pool. Stripping off in front of strangers is new for a lot of internationals, and some try to place it a larger context of Danish morality. It hasn't been entirely forgotten that Denmark was the first country in the world to legalize pornography in 1967. Some people still think of Denmark as a place where there is easy sex available and a generous display of naked boobs and butts.

"Is there politeness in Denmark?" That was the question I was recently invited on a national TV show to discuss. The implication was that I was supposed to say that Danes were not at all polite, because effusive praise and cheerful agreement make for a rather dull TV show. But Danes are not impolite. They have their own version of courteous behaviour, which is based on reinforcing aspects of their culture that they care about.

One of my favorite types of speaking engagement is introducing Denmark to some of the smart, motivated young people arriving from around the world to study at Danish universities. Since the publication of my first book, How to Live in Denmark, I've been speaking regularly to audiences of new arrivals, and I probably learn as much from them as they learn from me. Among the things I've learned is that the aspects of Danish culture that the Danes are most proud of can be troublesome for newcomers.

Planning your summer vacation in Denmark is like playing the lottery. You could hit it lucky, with golden days and long, warm evenings, when you can sit with friends in the soft light and drink hyldeblomst cocktails. Or you could get grey day after grey day, interspersed with a little rain whenever it is least convenient. The weather could be chilly, leaving your cute new summer clothes to sit disappointed in your closet while you wear your boring long trousers again and again. I find that locals tend to base their decision about whether to stay in Denmark for the summer on the previous year's weather. Last year's summer was great for anyone who is not a farmer: it was unusually hot and dry. This year, so far, the weather has been very good for farmers with crops that need a lot of rain, and not so great for anybody else.

April 1st is April Fool's Day – Aprilsnar in Danish – and each Danish newspaper will feature a clever but false story for the unwary to be fooled by. To some extent every day is April Fool's Day in Denmark, because Danish humor is a rough humor. Danes show affection by making fun of each other. And, as an international, they might make fun of you too. This is a good thing: that means they have accepted you into the circle of Danishness. But it doesn't mean that the intersection of non-Danes and Danish humor is entirely painless. If you come from a culture where you are easily offended – and that, unfortunately, includes the American culture these days – you may spend a lot of time with your feelings hurt. If you come from a culture where honor or face is prized, the Danish insistence on taking nothing seriously and taking everyone down a peg can be shocking.

Motivating Danish employees is very different than motivating other groups of people because there are two big factors missing – hierarchy and fear. We don't like to talk about the fear part in our various countries of origin, but the fact is true that in the US, UK, China, India, and in parts of Europe, someone who loses their job can be in a lot of trouble. They may have trouble paying their bills, might lose their house, might not have access to health care, might not be able to send their kids to university. That's not the case in Denmark. Everybody pays for those services through their taxes, so losing your job doesn't mean you lose access to these things the way it might mean elsewhere in the world. And that means that employees aren't slightly afraid of their boss the way they might be elsewhere in the world - and they're much more willing to speak up. They're not going to do what you say just because you're the boss. Hierarchy exists in Denmark, despite what the Danes sometimes want to believe, but you don't always get a lot of respect from being at the top of the hierarchy. In this society where egalitarianism is a deep and cherished value, the person standing on a pedestal is kind of assumed to be a buffoon. You've heard of the famous "Janteloven" that informally governs Danish culture – and one of its rules is "don't think you're better than us". In a Danish environment, you're going to have to convince your employees that what you suggest is the right course of action. They're not just going to do it because you're the boss.

Denmark is a quiet country, even within the cities. Especially this time of year, February, when it's too cold to do anything but scurry from place to place, when the street cafés are closed and no one wants to eat their lunch in the park. The Danes are hibernating in their homes until the spring. And especially when a blanket of snow covers the cities and countryside. Then everything around you will be beautifully, peacefully, totally quiet. This Danish quiet can freak out a lot of internationals when they first arrive. The Danes have a lot of respect for quiet. If you ask a Danish friend how things are going in his life, he's likely to stay "Ah, stille og roligt." Which Google Translate renders as "Quiet and quiet." ('Nice and easy' is another translation) Quiet is written into the laws in Denmark – car horns are rarely heard, for example, because it's against the law to use them unless you are in immediate danger. I learned to drive in Manhattan, where you use your horn every 3 or 4 seconds, so this was a big change for me. Church bells are only allowed to chime at certain times of the week. And most trains in Denmark – local S-trains and national – have a silent car. If you choose to sit there, you are not allowed to make any noise at all.

As the new academic semester starts up, some of you may be planning to live in a Danish home. It could be you'll rent a room in a household, maybe you'll be part of a Danish host family, or maybe you'll just be staying with Danish friends. I thought it might be useful to have some tips on living with a Danish family. First of all, if you're used to having your parents or domestic workers do most of the household chores – things are about to change. Danish families generally don't have live-in domestic workers. A few wealthy families with small children have au pairs, and it's common to have a weekly cleaning person, but on a day-to-day basis, household chores are done by all the members of the family. Male, female, young, old, everybody does their part. (In fact, statistics show that Danish men do more household chores than any other men in Europe.) So, if you're going to live as part of a Danish family, there will probably be household chores for you, too. If you don't know how to wash dishes, or clean a floor, or do laundry, have somebody teach you before you leave home.

Being alone for Christmas in Denmark can be tough – one of the downsides of Danish "hygge" is that people who are not inside the "hygge" circle can feel shut out and very alone. Here are our tips for having a good holiday anyway.

Like so many other aspects of life in Denmark, gift giving in the holiday season comes with dozens of unwritten rules and unspoken expectations. Should you give a gift to your boss? What about your colleagues? Will you and your Danish friends exchange gifts? And why does almost every store in Denmark ask if you want a "gift sticker" when you buy something? Here are a few basic tips about gift giving in Denmark.

Autumn in Denmark actually starts in mid-August, when the kids go back to school. Danish kids have a very short holiday – usually only about 6 weeks. By late August, you can definitely feel a little fall crispness in the air. By September the leaves start to turn color, and by the end of October many of the trees are already bare for the winter. But what really defines fall in Denmark is the slow fading of the light.

This is a special episode, because this is the fifth anniversary of the How to Live in Denmark podcast.The podcast began in the summer of 2013; at the time I'm recording this, it is near the end of Summer 2018. We've had more than 80 episodes and around a million streams and downloads. Most importantly, I've received a lot of messages from people like you saying that the podcast and the books that have come out of the podcast have been really helpful for you in adjusting to Denmark. I'm so happy to hear that. I originally came to Denmark on vacation. I was living in Manhattan in the time, right downtown in Greenwich Village, but I'd been living there for about 10 years and was really ready to try something new. I visited all the hip cities in the US – Atlanta, Salt Lake City, Seattle, Chicago, Austin Texas, but I just didn't find a place where I really felt I fit in. At the same time, I had a friend living in Paris. We'd meet up and check out different parts of Europe, and one September we thought, OK, why not Copenhagen. It was a beautiful September, warm and sunny, and I thought, well, here's a country with good weather.

There's no reason to spend a lot on what you wear to work in Denmark. Danes, by nature, are not flashy dressers. In most Danish business environments, you'll be perfectly well dressed in a fitted pair of business trousers, dark shoes, and a solid-color sweater or dress shirt. Male or female, you'll never go wrong with quiet colors like burgundy, dark blue, dark green, black or - for the adventurous - beige. Subtle good taste is the preferred style. Obvious designer labels are considered tacky, but quality cut and fabric are appreciated.

On your first day at work in Denmark, you may find a pretty bouquet of flowers on your desk to welcome you. (This terrified a Chinese acquaintance of mine, who was accustomed to receiving flowers on her *last* day at work. She thought she'd been fired before she ever sat down.) In Denmark, the bouquet is just a way to say "welcome" and to add some sunshine to an arduous day that is sure to include many handshakes and computer passwords. Someone will probably be appointed as your "mentor" on the first day of the job, and that person will take you around to meet the people you'll be working with, as well as showing you practical parts of the office like the printer room and the toilets. Shake hands with everyone you meet and try to remember their first names – although you'll probably get a lot of duplicates. (Depending on the size of the company, you can expect to meet at least two or three people named Mette, Søren, Pia, Magnus, or Lars.) Last names aren't important, at least until you have to find these people in an e-mail list. "Mr." and "Ms.", or their Danish equivalents "Herr" and "Fru", are almost never used in Denmark. Don't act overly impressed when you meet the top bosses: this will embarrass them. The people you really need to be deferential to are the administrative staff. If you come from a country with a large population and a great deal of unemployment, you may be accustomed to a large administrative staff that helps you with filling out forms, tracking expenses, setting up meetings, and other small tasks. Such helpful people are rare in Denmark, where most professionals are expected to do these things themselves using online tools.

Many Danes meet their future spouses at work. Yet there are also strict laws in Denmark against sexual harassment. Where do you draw a line between harassment and two adults developing tender feelings for each other? -------------- Given the Danes' fondness for alcohol, many inter-office romances start at the annual Christmas party. Ms. X and Mr. Y drink a bottle of wine or two, wiggle suggestively together on the dance floor, and depart to one or the other's home in a taxi to complete the evening. The next morning, they discuss whether they are interested in a future romantic relationship. If that doesn't sound like your style, or if Christmas is too far away, there are other ways to handle the matter.

In an anti-authoritarian country like Denmark, being a boss is a precarious (social) position. Danish bosses don't like to flaunt their authority. In fact, when you enter a room of Danes, it is often difficult to tell which one is the boss. The social cues that point to a big cheese in other cultures – the flashy watch, the oversize office, the glamorous yet servile executive assistant – are considered poor taste in egalitarian Denmark. So are the booming, take-charge personalities many foreigners may expect from a boss. Denmark is a flat country. It is flat geographically, you are expected to keep a flat temperament and vocal tone, and (as they love to tell you) Danish companies have a relatively flat management structure. This means fewer layers of people to keep an eye on you, which can be a refreshing thing, but also fewer people around to help if you're going off the rails entirely.

People visiting Denmark can't help but notice that the Danish flag is everywhere. Christmas trees here are decorated with little Danish flags. Cucumbers in the supermarket have Danish flags on them to show they're grown in Denmark. Whenever a member of the Danish royal family has a birthday, two little Danish flags are stuck on the front of every Copenhagen bus. The Danish flag is closely associated with Danish birthdays. If you have a birthday when you're working in a Danish office, one of your colleagues is likely to put a Danish flag on your desk. It means – happy birthday! You may see a birthday cake with tiny Danish flags stuck into it, or the Danish flag recreated in red frosting. The Danish flag is not really a statement of nationalism. It's a statement of joy. So it was a bit of a shock a couple of weeks ago when the FDF, a kind of a Danish boy scouts or girl scouts organization, said they wanted to remove the Danish flag from their logo.

On-the-job benefits in Denmark come in three categories: the kind every Danish worker gets, the kind everyone at your company gets, and the kind everyone at a certain level in your company gets. When you talk with a future employer, you can negotiate your salary, but there's not all that much room for negotiation on benefits. In most cases, as American kindergarteners say, "You get what you get and you don't get upset." Fortunately, the benefits tend to be generous. This is a chapter from my upcoming book, "How to Work in Denmark."

If you live in Denmark or follow the Danish media, you'll know there's been a lot of talk of gangsters over the past week. One Danish gang is trying to expand at the expense of another gang, and this summer there have been about 25 shootings in Copenhagen, generally in the northern neighborhoods – my neighbourhood. Somebody was shot outside my supermarket, somebody else was shot outside the school near my house, and a couple of people have been shot just walking down the street. Most of the victims are other gangsters, but a few have been unlucky civilians in the wrong place at the wrong time. All have been young men, and the Copenhagen police went so far as to suggest that young men stop wearing knit hats. Knit hats can be a gang sign. I should point out that this summer in Denmark has been so cold that wearing a knit hat in August can actually seem like a good idea.

If you're coming from abroad to work in Denmark, you may be bringing along your spouse. That can be great – it's nice to have someone to shiver through the Danish summer with. But unhappy spouses are one of the main reasons that people who come to work in Denmark end up leaving. Denmark is not an easy place to make friends, given that Danish culture tends toward "respecting your privacy" by not striking up conversations with strangers. It can also be tough for spouses to get jobs in Denmark, particularly well-educated spouses seeking jobs at their level of expertise.

One of the most important words in the Danish language is "ligestilling" – equality. The belief that all (Danish) people are basically equal permeates every relationship and every interaction. Fancy job titles do not fit into that passion for equality. They suggest you think you're better than someone else. Which you might actually be, if you've worked your way to the top of your field, but that admission is slightly embarrassing. If you do have an impressive job title, it's considered bad taste to show it off. Office doors in Denmark, for example, usually have just the name of the person inside, not their title. When you introduce yourself, whether to one person or an audience of 500, you give just your name, preferably just your first name. And it's considered laughable to strut about in a way that shows everyone you're the boss. In fact, when you enter a room of Danish businesspeople, it is almost impossible to tell who the boss is. Everyone's dressed the same, everyone acts pretty much the same, and nobody shows any particular deference to the boss. This can be a problem when you're a job hunter or salesperson and have to figure out who in the room has the power to make a decision.

When you first arrive in Denmark to work or look for work, the last thing you need is another monthly expense. So many foreigners "save money" by not joining a union. And I was one of them. To be honest, joining a union never even occurred to me. In the US, unions are either for hands-on workers – steelworkers, hotel maids – or for civil servants, like schoolteachers and cops. Knowledge workers and creative types are almost never unionized. But that's not true in Denmark, where engineers, doctors, lawyers, bankers, managers, and writers regularly join unions. Unions can arguably be even more important for foreign employees than they are for Danes.

Networking in Denmark is tough, even for Danes. This is a culture where it's considered bad manners to talk to someone you don't know, unless you're drunk, in which case all bets are off. That said, most jobs in Denmark are found via networks. Somebody mentions on their LinkedIn profile that they're looking for a new team member and the cv's from friends of friends and old classmates start flowing in. And since "fitting in" is such an important part of the Danish work culture, someone from the network is more likely to seem like a known quantity when it comes to being a "good fit." "Flexicurity" means you can be laid off at any time So what does this mean to you as a foreigner? It means you're going to have to figure out how to network in Denmark. And you can't stop once you already have a job. The famous "flexicurity" economic system in Denmark means it's very easy for an employer to get rid of you, and then you'll be back in the job market again.

When you work in a Danish office, you'll often find yourself invited to impromptu in-office social events with your Danish colleagues. Somebody's birthday, someone's having a baby, somebody has been with the company for 10 years, someone is going on vacation the next day. And they almost all involve cake. Cake is very important in Denmark. Cake builds bridges. Cake makes friends. And when there's cake on offer, as a foreigner, it's a good idea to show up and accept it. When I first started working in a Danish office, I made a big mistake. I said no to cake.

When I first began working in Denmark, people used to start saying around April or May, "So – are you taking three or four?" What they meant was, are you taking three or four weeks off for your summer vacation? Now, in the United States, where I come from, even taking two weeks off is extravagant. You always have the feeling that if you're gone too long, there may not be a job waiting for you when you get back. In Denmark, a long summer vacation is legally required. If you have a full-time job, you get six weeks annual vacation, and you are legally required to take three of those six weeks sometime between May 1 and September 30. Even if you're unemployed, you get paid time off from looking for a job so you can enjoy time off in the summer. And there's been a lot of controversy this year about whether the newly arrived refugees in Denmark should also get paid vacation from their required Danish language lessons. Many Danes consider vacation to be a human right. Any discussion of poverty in Denmark is likely to include an interview with a person on the minimum kontanthjælp sincerely complaining about his inability to afford a vacation abroad. If you get sick during your vacation, you can even request more time off to compensate. That's the social welfare state – I hope you all enjoy paying taxes to support it.

If you've been asked for a job interview at a Danish company, congratulations. Danish companies don't like to waste time, so they wouldn't be setting aside time to meet you if they didn't think there was a solid chance they might hire you. Job interviewing in Denmark is a difficult balance, because the Jantelov makes all forms of bragging or self-promotion distasteful to the Danes. You've got to convince the person interviewing you that you're skilled and capable without sounding like a used car salesman.

I often give presentations to job hunters in Denmark, and I tell them there are two words you can add to your cover letter that will virtually guarantee that it will be carefully read. What are those two words? The name of someone you know who already works at the company. Of course, you should only use a current employee's name with his or her permission, and ask each time you use it. There's always the chance that your contact and this particular hiring manager may be bitter enemies, or that a company is so vast (say, Novo Nordisk) that a recommendation from a scientist won't have much impact on the hiring of an accountant.

When you're putting together a cv for Denmark, titles and grades and long descriptions of examinations (unless they're required for the job, as they are for accountants, architects and engineers) aren't a golden ticket to employment, even if you've attended an excellent school. Your Danish cv should focus on projects you've worked on, and how your contributions to those projects relate to the job at hand.

Foreigners in general are often trying to look for a job in a way that works well in their home country, not Denmark. Basically, this works as about as well as trying to tell your new girlfriend the same jokes that made your old girlfriend laugh. If the setting is Denmark, the approach has to be Danish. Danish jobs are all about independence and teamwork. It's not like they need a red Lego brick and you have to convince them you're a red Lego brick to get the job. The employer has a problem that needs solving and you have to convince them that you have the brains and the experience to solve it, and the drive to make it happen.

In Denmark, romance is like a two-speed bike. Speed one is casual sexual affairs with someone you may never see again: speed two is a serious relationship where you'll be expected to go to all your partner's dull family events. There's not much of a middle. And what there definitely is not is dating.

If you really want to get a Dane all hot and bothered, start talking about some thing that is beautifully designed. In Denmark, beauty is usually found in something practical that has been very well designed. Housewares, particularly kitchenwares, are a Danish design favorite. They don't have to be from expensive materials, but they have to be simple, streamlined, and work flawlessly. The beauty is in the usefulness.

August in Denmark brings the first signs of fall: a crisp chill in the air, the changing color of the leaves, the annual posters warning drivers to be aware of small children riding their bikes to school for the first time. And foreign university students in the local 7-11, asking that their buns be warmed up. I saw a newly-arrived young American student in my local 7-11 this morning, asking that her newly-purchased bun be warmed. The 7-11 clerk told her sorry, but there were no bun-warming services available at that branch. She wasn't too pleased, but it's always a mistake to expect U.S., U.K., or Asian-level concepts of customer service in Denmark: in this egalitarian country, nobody serves anybody, and if they do they are frequently grumpy about it. You and the store clerk are equals, and nobody's going to warm anybody's buns unless it was agreed to in the original deal. While I didn't dare approach the angry American bun-woman, I thought it might be useful to her and to others list a few tips for arriving in Denmark at any time of year. You know, random things I wish people would have told me before I arrived.

Denmark is a small country, and Danish people tend to think small things are good. Small cars. Small homes. Small ambitions when it comes to international team sports. But one thing in Denmark is never small – a baby carriage. Danes seem to believe that a carriage (or pram) for a new baby should be roughly the size of a hotel room on wheels. Inside, baby will be wrapped up warm with a fat feather blanket – even in the summer. There will also be room for pillows, books, toys, snacks, diapers and extra clothes in the giant baby carriage. Danish babies are like rolling royalty. Everything they need is at their tiny fingertips.

Every country changes, and so does Denmark. When I hold How to Live in Denmark events, people often ask me how Denmark is changing, or has changed since I got here fifteen years ago. I could name a hundred things, but the first one that always comes to mind is food and drink. Shotglasses are out, snaps and Gammel Dansk is out, fine wine (almost always bought on sale at the supermarket) is in. The small food stores that used to be on every corner in Denmark – the 'pålæg' or sausage shop, the fish shop, the dairy shop – are out. There used to be an odd type of Danish store called a kolonial, which sold canned goods and dry goods, basically stuff from the old Danish colonies in Africa, India and the Caribbean. That's out too. Supermarkets are in.

In general, Denmark is not a fearful country. You could argue, what is there to be afraid of in Denmark? It seems like a safe little corner of the world. Tax-funded social programs make it unlikely you'll go hungry or homeless, as long as you have that little yellow social service card that shows you're here legally. Your medical care and education is paid for by taxes – yours or somebody else's. Even if you lose your job – and it's very easy in Denmark for companies to get rid of workers they don't want – there is the social safety net to catch you. I've often thought that the social safety net is one of the reasons has so little interest in religion. When there's so little to worry about, there's not much to pray for. Denmark also has is little of the open competition that can make life so stressful in competitive nations like China or India or the United States. Danish culture prizes consensus, not competition, and Danish children don't get any formal grades in school until they're in their teens. Any type of non-sports competition is discouraged. So that fear that kids live with in many parts of the world – of not being the best in class, not being able to get into a good secondary school or college – of being crossed off the list at a very young age, is largely absent in Denmark.

It's spring in Denmark, and spring is by far my favorite season here. The wonderful white Scandinavian sunlight is back after the dark days of the winter, the flowers are coming out on the trees, and everybody's in a good mood. The outdoor cafés are full of people again – sometimes draped in blankets to keep warm, but outside all the same. April and May are often the best months for weather in Denmark, along with September. Summers can be rainy. And April is when Tivoli opens in Copenhagen. (Side note: when you see a man in Denmark with his trousers accidentally unzipped, you say "Tivoli is open!") Tivoli is one of the world's great non-disappointing tourist attractions – it's constantly updated, with new shops, new rides, fresh flowers and fresh restaurants. And in the spring, it's not as crowded as it is in the summer. You can hang out all day, have a picnic, ride the rollercoaster, even hear some bands play.

It has been said that Danish birthdays are the most important in the world. Adults, children, even the Queen of Denmark make a big deal about birthdays. And there is specific set of birthday rules and traditions for every age and role you play in life. Let's face it, Danish birthday traditions are a minefield for foreigners. Get it wrong and you could make some serious birthday faux pas. For example, if the sun is shining on your birthday, you may find Danish people thanking you. 'Thanks for the sunshine' they'll say. This is because in Danish tradition, the weather on your birthday reflects your behavior over the past year. If you've been good, the weather is good. If you've been bad….well, then. You get depressing, grey, Danish rain.

There have been very few international singing stars from Denmark, and that's a surprise, because Danish people love to sing. Joining choirs is very popular, and Danish schoolchildren often start the week with a song – in my daughter's school, all the grades get together and sing something from the school's common songbook. There's actually a kind of common songbook for all the children of Denmark, called 'Det Små Synger', where you can find classics like 'Se Min Kjole' (See my dress), Lille Peter Edderkop (Little Peter Spider) orOles Nye Autobil, Ole's new car. Ole's new car is actually a toy car that he uses to run into things, like his sister's dollhouse. In general, the Small Songs are a throwback to an older Denmark, a quieter Denmark where most people lived in the countryside. Many of the songs refer to green hilltops, or forests, or baby pigs or horses, or happy frogs that live in a swamp. And of course, all the humans in the Small Songs are entirely Danish – or 'Pear Danish,' as the local expression goes. One out of five children born in Denmark today is not an ethnic Dane, but there's no such thing as or 'Little Muhammend Spider' or 'Fatima's New Toy Car.' Still, everyone who grows up in Denmark learns these songs. And other songs that are just part of the Danish canon. Back when I was looking around for a school for my daughter, I went to a parent introduction meeting where the principal asked everyone to start by singing The Autumn song. All the Danish parents got up, there were probably 200 of them there, all smiling, brought back to their school days, and happily singing the song. They all knew the words. I had no idea what was going on. I just stood up and hummed along. But Danish singing is not just for children. Danish teenagers and young adults, who tend to drink a lot, love Danish drinking songs. Snaps songs are made to be sung right before drinking a shot of snaps, they're an important part of Danish student culture. One you'll probably hear is 'Sail up the river.' The lyrics are easy to learn: 'Sail up the river, sail down again. That was a great song, let's sing it again.' And then, of course, you sing it again. Many times. My neighbors were doing that last weekend.

I was on Danish morning TV recently, which isn't really something to boast about. In a country of 5 million, 10 guests a show, 365 days a year – you do the math. Just about everyone gets on TV sooner or later. Some of my friends and colleagues mentioned that they had seen me, stumbling through with my imperfect Danish, trying to promote my book, How to Live in Denmark. But just SOME of my friends and colleagues, not all. Specifically, it was my friends and colleagues who work in trendy creative industries - advertising, app designers, actors. That's because I was on TV at 8:45 in the morning, when people in those industries are just getting out of bed in preparation to roll into the office around 10. My friends who have more conventional office jobs, like working in a bank, have to be their desk at 9am, so some of them had seen teasers – you know, coming up next, someone who doesn't speak Danish properly, trying to promote a book – but they hadn't seen the show itself. And my friends who do real, physical work had no idea I was on TV at all. Airport tarmac staff, postal carriers, builders. They start work at 7am. Or even earlier, as you'll know if you've ever had your deep sleep interrupted by a Danish builder banging on something outside your house at, say, 5:30 in the morning. My personal Danish builder wake-up record is 4:45 in the morning, during the light summer months. They were driving a motorized crane past my fifth floor window. While there's no official class system in Denmark, there is when it comes to working hours. And working clothing – people who work with their hands often wear blue jumpsuits to and from work, or painters pants, or bright fluorescent vests if they work outside in the dark. While people in the creative industries wear aggressively ugly eyeglasses, and unusual shoes, and the men have chic little Hugo Boss scarves around their necks. Normal.dotm 0 0 1 330 1884 KXM Group 15 3 2313 12.0 0 false 18 pt 18 pt 0 0 false false false /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} Different clothes, different starting times, that's not big news, but recently other forms of inequality have been increasing in Denmark. In fact, according to the Denmark's Statistics, the GINI coefficient, which measures inequality, has been rising faster in Denmark than in any other country in Europe. It's now 27.9, compared with 22 at the turn of the century.