165. Crucial Action Steps When Divorcing an Abusive Partner (And a Story That Will Help You Understand Cohersive Control)

From the outside, her life looked perfect.

Happy family. Beautiful vacations. Matching holiday photos.

But behind closed doors?

Control. Confusion. And a slow erosion of self-worth.

In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport and Morgan Stogsdill sit down with Laura Richards, host of That’s Where I’m At, to unpack what it really looks like to leave a controlling, emotionally abusive marriage—and what happens next.

Laura shares her experience of living with covert narcissism, curating a “perfect” life on social media while privately feeling trapped, and the moment everything finally clicked.

This is a must-listen if you’ve ever questioned:

“Is this normal?”

“Why do I feel so off in my own marriage?”

“Why is leaving so hard—even when I know something isn’t right?”

💥 IN THIS EPISODE, YOU’LL LEARN:

• What covert control and emotional abuse actually look like in a marriage
• The subtle phrases and behaviors that slowly break down your confidence
• Why “perfect” marriages on social media can hide the most dysfunction
• How control often escalates during divorce—not ends
• The risks of using a mediator without legal representation
• Why you need your own attorney (and how to protect yourself legally)
• How to create a safety plan—even if there’s no physical abuse
• What to expect emotionally when leaving a controlling partner
• Why things often get worse before they get better

🚨 REALITY CHECK:

Just because there’s no physical abuse…

Doesn’t mean you’re safe.

Emotional control, manipulation, and financial pressure are real—and they often intensify once divorce begins.

⚖️ CRITICAL DIVORCE TAKEAWAYS:

• Do not rely solely on a mediator—get your own attorney
• Protect financial information and important assets early
• Expect control dynamics to shift once you initiate divorce
• Have a legal safety plan in place before making moves
• Build a support system (lawyer, therapist, community)

💔 WHAT NO ONE TELLS YOU:

You may discover things after your divorce that completely change how you see your marriage.

New relationships. Hidden behavior. Financial secrets.

And that moment?

It can feel like being re-traumatized all over again.

“You’re going to do a lot of this afraid… and that’s okay.”

Healing isn’t about going back to who you were.

It’s about becoming someone who can never be broken that way again.

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If this episode felt familiar, you are not alone—and you are not crazy.

Follow How Not to Suck at Divorce for real, strategic guidance that helps you protect your time, money, and sanity.

Website: https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/

Podcast: https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/episodes/

Instagram: @thatswhereimatpodcast

Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-course

Our Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck

Friends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.

Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorce

Follow Andrea: @theandrearappaport

Follow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicago

Mentioned in this episode:

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