How Long Gone

Simon de Pury is an art auctioneer, dealer, and five other art things and a DJ. We chat about shabu shabu, are we going to kiss, matcha = paella, baby shopping, in an ever-changing world, it's nice to have things that never change, Simon tells the story of the one time in his life that he wore a t-shirt, how he became a DJ in his sixties, why he loves long flights, could Simon sell a ketchup popsicle to a woman in white gloves? He's a world-class vibe-reader, his superstitious nature and love of numerology, passion, + emotion = a dope ass art collector, why removing pieces from your collection is more important than adding to, how to build a collection as a broke boy, sure, Pierce Brosnan is an artist too, some of his favorite NFTs through the years, and how his seconds-short appearance on Emily in Paris (s01) made more of an impact than anything else in his decades-long career. instagram.com/simondepury twitter.com/donetodeath twitter.com/themjeans Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

One-on-one episode recorded live and uncut from Glendale. We chat about double parking, improv sex, Chris is good in any village, abolish ice cream sampling, our favorite southern sissy, death to false ketchup, the anti-travel article, people who want sympathy for dining in restaurants with their bad-ass kids, the only straight guys who like travel are cheaters, a dinner at Funke, Chris finally got a chiropractic adjustment, and some new live shows coming up. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

One-on-one pod today, Chris is home in LA, and Jason is too. We chat about a dinner at La Dolce Vida, Chris finally found a dog owner he can respect, Whitney Houston was great on the Titanic soundtrack, NY Spectrum guys vs. LA Spectrum guys, we both had landscaping issues yesterday, Elon and Zuck cage-match, a Rhude awakening, Pharrell for Vuitton, The Row Spring '24, the Ssense effect, The Righteous Gemstones, Byline and unpaid opportunities, and see us live in Toronto, London, Australia and more. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ebon Moss-Bachrach is an American actor known for roles in HBO's Girls, The Lakehouse, The Punisher, and season two of The Bear, which premiers tomorrow on FX on Hulu. We chat about goth music festivals on the beach, the expensive submarine is lost, go watch the John Early special, his early days in New York's underground hip hop community, his kid is going to see The Cure tonight at MSG, actors are out of control, the pros and cons of theater, he bakes two loaves of bread per week when he's in the zone, he's the cook of his house, loitering at Balthazar, the kinds of restaurants he wants to go to now, an empty hotel room to yourself is the ultimate sorbet, the European lifestyle, traveling with a guitar, and why he has a tough time watching himself on screen. instagram.com/ebonmossbachrach twitter.com/donetodeath twitter.com/themjeans Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Liz Phair is a singer-songwriter currently living in Los Angeles. We chat with her about Father's Day rules, the number of brunches ruined by children, Jacquemus x Nike, Chris learns about Broadway, the Smartless TV series, the beauty of aging, cottage cheese TikTok bread, she predicted the pandemic, storm watch 3000, she went on Rogan, the "75 hard" plan, if you want to be hot, go on Instagram, sleeping on the bus, doing a Perez Hilton showcase at SXSW, the horrors of appearing in someone's memoir, and we close out with a very responsible sync talk. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Kevin Long is a professional skateboarder from Los Angeles. We chat with him about a meal at 4 Charles, outdoor dining, a dive on wedding registries, our show at The Carlyle, living in Highland Park, why skaters like to live ten-to-a-house, big pants little wheels, TJ growing up in skate mecca but never skating, let's not forget the cardiovascular benefits, becoming a cockroach, social media's effect on skating, the destruction of skating's middle class, we drag Spanky into our baby-tee argument, how he got tricked into being an art director, sober man's journey Texas Hold'em or Rear Naked Choke, and we close out with a spirited game of top-three prescription pills. instagram.com/kevinspankylong twitter.com/donetodeath twitter.com/themjeans Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

One-on-one episode today, Chris is in New York, and Jason is back home in LA. Thanks for your patience as we took a break. We're excited to be back to our regularly scheduled programming. We chat about TJ's honeymoon, exactly how much dogsitting costs, expanding outside of Italy next summer, TJ's wedding playlist report, the best meal Chris had in Italy, expensive hotels, Massimo's tasting menu at Osteria Francescana, the Tucci effect, Chris watched The Idol, the New York forest fires, the Apple goggles, a new t-shirt discovery, and some news announcements and live shows this summer. twitter.com/donetodeath twitter.com/themjeans Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

One-on-one episode recorded live and uncut from the basement of a Tuscan Villa on the morning of TJ's wedding. twitter.com/donetodeath twitter.com/themjeans Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Our 500th episode is here with dream guest Andy Cohen. His new book, The Daddy Diaries, is out now. Thank you all for your support. We'll be releasing only solo episodes for the next two weeks as TJ gets married. We chat about hearth-braised cabbage, TJ is freaking out, listening to the podcast version of Watch What Happens Live while on a hike, red wine bloat, Andy's edible dosage, naming his publishing house, life as a daddy, listening to his own Sirius radio station, the importance of working for free or cheap to get your foot in the door, watching TikTok reaction videos to his own fake death, his favorite place to go in LA is back home to NY, is Andy straight-baiter? Bostonian threesomes, his virginity, riding the vibe, what type of women he's attracted to, his Quibi show didn't get a ton of eyeballs, the term "housewife," and we close out with some Vanderpump tea. instagram.com/bravoandy twitter.com/donetodeath twitter.com/themjeans Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Mary Beth Barone is a comedian, actor, and writer living in New York. Listen to her podcast Ride. We chat about super casual dinners totally no stress, everyone's got an opinion about The Dare, dating a British person, Chris considers his life to be art itself, a mini room is like Oceans 11 with Trader Joe's tote bags, living as a double-namer, her love of Zedd-Clarity, being an extra in a King Princess video, her gluten philosophy, Bravo TV is too mean, she's a Jersey Mikes girl, clam chowder has a chew to it, she used to be a Republican, she's never done Adderall, a girl never forgets her first laptop, and Mary Beth's thoughts on the Taylor tea. twitter.com/donetodeath twitter.com/themjeans instagram.com/marybethbarone Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Desus Nice is a TV, Podcast, and Twitter god from New York, currently living in Los Angeles. We chat about Chris hitting a TikTok hotspot, Lana's Nepo Daddy, The Weeknd, and Lily Depp only got a 5-minute standing-O, The McDonald's on Delancy, WGA dry-snitching at Coffee Bean, planting his Knick's flag in Silverlake, bi-coastal life and how hotel employees treat you, shipping his blunt wraps back to LA by the case, "loving dogs," all the old New York clubs he used to work at, shoveling dead rats into a bucket, writers are magicians, and Desus unveils an idea for his new HLG companion podcast. twitter.com/desusnice twitter.com/donetodeath twitter.com/themjeans Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

One-on-one pod today, Chris is in New York, and Jason is home in LA. We chat about a hoagie pop-up, crisp saline whites, an Ozempic update now that the dust has settled a bit, your weight loss journey is the destination, Daniel Day-Lewis spotted in a new look, is Ethel Cain more mother than Caroline Polachek? Chris had a Levain cookie and a slice of Princess Cake, when people tell us they like the solo episodes more than with guests, Flamxngo Estates sells $250 honey grown at celebrity's houses, and we figure out a way to deal with the Geurilla literature readings that are invading L.A.'s parking lots and cemeteries. twitter.com/donetodeath twitter.com/themjeans Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A one-on-one pod today, Chris is in New York, and Jason is home in LA. We were supposed to have a guest, but they had bad wifi, so we chat about the scandal surrounding the Los Angeles restaurant Horses, our debut show in Australia is selling fast, Jack Nicholson emerges from hibernation, Harry & Meg's 7 mph car chase, when you're really good at a sport that doesn't make you money, an anti-woke men's magazine emerges, and TJ got a new watch. twitter.com/donetodeath twitter.com/themjeans Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zainab Johnson is a comedian and actress from New York, currently in Los Angeles. We chat about the Chloë Sevigny closet liquidation, Naomi Fry for Philipp Plein, The Dare emerges, our first show in Australia has been announced, the iMac camera is shitting on the MacBook, her pilates journey, her history with outdoor sports, every summer she lived with a white family in Vermont, the pros and cons of getting veneers, how to effortlessly be a fine-ass person, which parts of the country get which types of plastic surgery, Janelle Monáe's sexual awakening, when people try to holler at her in the middle of a set, keeping a gun in the house, and our journey to how she came on the pod. instagram.com/zainabjohnson twitter.com/donetodeath twitter.com/themjeans Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A one-on-one pod recorded live and uncut from Glendale the morning after Just Like Heaven Festival. We chat about having our own trailer, Chris learning how to festival his way, Them Jeans live, DJing is better than music, texting while driving and smoking while DJing is sludge content, American rapper Azealia Banks, Chris wants to get hypnotized to stop sleeping wrong, watching a movie on the plane because the artwork for it is so bad you have to now, one week of touring has basically destroyed us, brown rice as a comfort food, cereal ceremony, the eating disorder wedding, JA Morantics, scalp oil, and double mommy Mother's Day. twitter.com/donetodeath twitter.com/themjeans Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

One-on-one episode recorded live and uncut from Chicago. We recap our week on the road and spend most of the show arguing whether a t-shirt is considered a "top" or not. twitter.com/donetodeath twitter.com/themjeans Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Albert Hammond Jr is a musician best known for being a member of The Strokes but has had a great solo career too. His new record, Melodies On Hiatus, is out now. We chat about going to Magic City on a Monday, Albert loves to cook with some really good salt, potatoes don't need duck fat, living in Hollywood but having a separate house for music, getting lemons from your neighbor who has so many lemons, touring solo hits different than touring with The Strokes, that one time TJ pretended he was in The Strokes in 2001, his wine seltzer brand, how TJ plans to DJ his own wedding, he'd make an awful studio musician, the outside songs on vinyl sound better than the inside ones, he grew up in LA, but he's a New Yorker whether he wants to be or not, and we find out his cardio heart rate zone. instagram.com/alberthammondjr twitter.com/donetodeath twitter.com/themjeans Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

One-on-one episode recorded live and uncut from Atlanta. We chat about Hey Dude footwear, grasscutters, what the LA Fitness in Atlanta smells like, french fries at Neiman Marcus Beverly Hills, Augustinus Bader, they clown in Philly, two back-to-back Uber drivers, well-and-ness, watching boxing on the phone, take your Tesla to prom, the hotel gym smelled like onion rings, and don't act like this is the first time Chris Brown beat somebody up while wearing roller skates. twitter.com/donetodeath twitter.com/themjeans Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We caught up with Chioma Nnadi, the editor of Vogue.com, to cover this year's Met Gala. We discuss Ed Sheeran beating the Gaye allegations, a new restaurant dropped, and whether Chioma wore her Oura ring to the Gala. TJ believes athletes shouldn't be allowed to walk the step, Karl used to be a bodybuilder, and Chioma sat next to Billie in Simone. Chris can't explain why he loves Kristen Stewart, and why barefoot men are trending. Backless Bad Bunny, Pedro's red was wrong, and A$AP's gate-hopping. Chris has developed a newfound appreciation for Doja, and Chioma attended five different afterparties. The good, the bad, and the Bode, and whether a Tom Ford tuxedo is too safe for the Met. Finally, we ask who received more press coverage: the cockroach or Law Roach? instagram.com/nnadibynature twitter.com/donetodeath twitter.com/themjeans Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Alex Pappademas is a writer from Los Angeles, his new book, Quantum Criminals: Ramblers, Wild Gamblers, and Other Sole Survivors from the Songs of Steely Dan, is out soon. We chat about the WGA and AI, Chris had an unenjoyable meal, the intersection of Rennaissance Faire and Caroline Polachek fans, attention spans at concerts, Fall Out Boy embedding their own tears in limited edition vinyl, Silverlake gentrification, the contractual agreement of a pizza party, cool celebrity music producers (not the court system) should be the ones who decide if a song has been illegally sampled, when you realize writers don't make enough money, well-produced award-winning documentary podcasts vs. bros talking, and we ask Alex if it's true that Steely Dan is just Fleetwood Mac for Republicans. https://twitter.com/PAPPADEMAS twitter.com/donetodeath twitter.com/themjeans Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

One-on-one pod recorded live and uncut from our Las Vegas writer's retreat. We chat about money not sleeping, being a sous vide eggslut, Usher crawled so Chris breezy could fly, Vegas dining report at Martha Stewart's restaurant as well as Italy's Carbone, grape inside the bread that's wok-accia, a twelve dollar La Colombe nitro cold brew, Jack Harlow's stolen block boy valor, comparing a popular Pizzeria to Pete Davidson, a problematic Lyft lux driver, and hotels should give you the option of a sexy or non-sexy bathroom wall. Come see us in Philly, Atlanta, and Chicago this week! We'll have new merch and a whole new show. Tickets available HERE twitter.com/donetodeath twitter.com/themjeans Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

David Cross is a comedian, actor, and writer from Atlanta, currently living in New York. He's currently on tour all over the country, so go see him. We chat with him about Sex In The City s02, the It Girl issue, he grew up without a lawn, and now he has a house upstate, trying to shoot syphilis with bullets, the boiled peanut diet, are crawfish worth it? when Dave comes to Salt Lake, it's a big deal, some parental themes from his current set, Los Feliz vs. Los Feliz, I can't drive a car I'm on Fentanyl, David asks if TJ is a frustrated comic, David's thoughts on live podcasts, Atlanta and Orange County ain't too different after all, when sushi just started to come out, our upcoming meal at the Martha Stewart restaurant in Las Vegas, when kids come to his live shows, and David shows Chris how to handle fan meet and greets. instagram.com/davidcrossofficial twitter.com/donetodeath twitter.com/themjeans Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Avalon Emerson is a musician and DJ. Her new record, Avalon Emerson & the Charm, is out this weekend. We chat about wall sits, rotting insides, Tucker’s turmoil, Jimmy Corden doesn’t pass the smell test, what it feels like to be an underground artist in Brooklyn, what part of the country has the best porches, woodworking, techno camping upstate, heifer hunting for nootropics, how she went from Arizona to Berlin, her road rage is healthy, she’s tall and bad at volleyball, being in a band with your wife, her frequent flyer program, and Evian baby-baby tees. instagram.com/avalon9000 twitter.com/donetodeath twitter.com/themjeans Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

One-on-one episode, Chris is in New York, and Jason's in Los Angeles. We chat about Starbucks olive oil and an afterschool scene report, marijuana pizza, I wanna see you put the za'atar breadcrumbs on with my own two eyes, Chris goes over the entire plot of the book Romantic Comedy, flirting over email, the Indigo Girls really make me squirt, hard seltzer's strengthening chokehold on America's youth, if your blue check got taken away and you didn't tweet about it, were you ever verified? Lil Uzi's name change, Frank the tank's kill fee got killed, and we'll be ordering fried mushrooms from Zaxby's in just two short weeks. twitter.com/donetodeath twitter.com/themjeans Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Heidi Bivens is a costume designer and producer from New York. She's worked on infamous films over the years and currently does Euphoria, which her thoughtful new book, Euphoria Fashion, thoroughly explores. We chat about Chris down south, Frank-182, they were selling merch at the Fear Of God fashion show, I heard you guys like to rib, the Maroon 5 Halloween party, why she moved upstate, what kind of pickup truck she drives, set crushes, can a prop-stylist pull a lead? Chris needs to figure out a bag situation, laptops ruined the briefcase, personality traits of a designer, the art of fashion, Washinton D.C. is its own little void, Key West, Florida is just hot Alaska, and we debate how to fix fashion shows. twitter.com/donetodeath twitter.com/themjeans instagram.com/heidibivens Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices