Help Me Be Me

When you really know innately that it’s not about you, you feel immediate relief in the face of any attack. It’s one thing to be in that place of confidence, legitimately. It’s another to want to be there but still be in a process of healing your emotional baggage. This episode is really about understanding what it looks and feels like to be healed. It’s aimed at giving yourself grace, relief, context for where you are and why. So that you can let go of a little bit of self-blame and also re-orient toward where it is you want to go. Healing and safety look different at different ages. We may need to boundary our lives very differently depending on the part of ourselves we are trying to grow. This is about growing out of ego and a habit of taking things personally. It’s a lifelong process that takes conscious attention. To not take things personally is the key to so much relief in life: It changes what you say, what you do, what matters. How long fights last, how much pain you endure. How much loneliness and HURT you endure. When we come home to a knowledge that “I am good, therefore, I need nothing in validation from others,” we can skip so much suffering and deflect what others put onto us. I hope that you can validate a new part of yourself today… Sponsors: Betterhelp.com/helpmebeme - sign up and get 10% off your first month of therapy Monarch.com code HELPME for 50% off your first year Quince.com/helpme for free shipping and 365 day returns Wayfair.com to shop all things home Marleyspoon.com/offer/helpmebeme up to 25 FREE meals Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you have the luxury of focus? This is what I want to invite you to pause, foster and create. This is for grounding in the chaos of rapid change – for me that is in the face of tech. Right now there is an immediacy paralysis. “I have to do everything so I cannot do anything.” This is about how to get back to a sense of agency, focus, and the freedom to be creative. By creative I mean open, objective and flexible versus in a threat state. A lot of my episodes are born of a reaction in myself or something experienced by one of my clients– this is no different. It is a huge asset to be able to focus right now. To be effective and start somewhere grounded– is the goal. Sending love and I hope this helps! Sponsors: Betterhelp.com/helpmebeme - sign up and get 10% off your first month of therapy Monarch.com code HELPME for 50% off your first year Quince.com/helpme for free shipping and 365 day returns Wayfair.com to shop all things home Marleyspoon.com/offer/helpmebeme up to 25 FREE meals Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A lot of people right now are feeling overwhelmed. Emotionally, and in a focus sense. This can make you feel like you cannot find internal refuge: that there’s no way to refresh a positive attitude because worries occupy too much space. Thankfully, we have neuroplasticity. We can teach ourselves out of worry and scarcity. It starts with awareness of the state we are in– and then an intention to calm. And come home to the present. From here we have the agency to change. This is for gracefully moving through a state of overwhelm. It is also about being a grownup: keeping the shine when life gets gnarly. There will be times when we feel overcome, but this too is a time to be great and reorient your POV. We are in a very transitional year – change is happening fast. Take heart, be gentle and loving with yourself. Be seen and connect to others in a loving, healing way. And smile. Sending love. To support our sponsors: Wayfair.com to shop all things homeMarleyspoon.com/offer/helpmebeme for up to 25 FREE meals Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

That state of obsession with a worry. The spins, as I call it—where your brain comes back again and again, telling long elaborate stories about a made-up, not good future. This is your body on worry: sick, tense, and a bit dead in that a part of you is not in the present. Regardless of the probability behind the fear you’re focused on, all of this is inside your head and therefore totally optional. None of it exists in reality. If this is you right now, I want to remind you that this can be an opportunity for growth –all friction creates material for momentum toward growth and change. Try to reframe this as such. This episode is a “talk down” for getting out of this loop of thinking and into a state of presence and creativity. Sending love! Sponsors: Betterhelp.com/helpmebeme - sign up and get 10% off your first month of therapy Monarch.com code HELPME for 50% off your first year Quince.com/helpme for free shipping and 365 day returns Wayfair.com to shop all things home Marleyspoon.com/offer/helpmebeme up to 25 FREE meals Hungryroot.com/HELPMEBEME and use code HELPMEBEME to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is about coming from intentionality versus the myopia of fear. It’s about the power of what we say to ourselves to expect. What we intend creates reality. The first thing I wanted to describe to you is the power of having a clear intention when you walk into any sphere – for example, your next conversation. Make your self-definition your north star as you enter that room. For example, saying to yourself, “My goal is to inspire with creativity, to connect in love, to come from wholeness, and to be funny.” Life is based on a prompt, in that thoughts are prompts: we choose what will be with the intent we have when we walk into any situation. This is about being aware of this and really examining areas where fear might be blocking love and truth. We get clouded energetically by fear and we shed parts of ourselves through our lifetime because we are afraid to care about something too much. Fear of loss causes us to abandon who we really are in small ways. So this is an episode that will hopefully reconnect you with parts of yourself through journaling. Sending love!! Sponsors: Wayfair.com to shop all things home MarleySpoon.com/offer/helpmebeme for up to 25 FREE meals Hungryroot.com/HELPMEBEME and use code HELPMEBEME to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life armoire.style/HELPMEBEME to get up to 60% off your first month Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode will hopefully give you an epiphany! Negative feedback loops have a huge impact on intimate relationships. They are also a major factor in self-perception: perception of your life and what others mean to you. We base our opinions of our relationships on the signals we receive from them, which, in turn, create return signals. There are two selves we inhabit: the “whole self” and the “fear self”. These two selves make very different decisions and they act from very different places. The fear self will come from childhood powerlessness where the motive is always to grasp for control and “fix it.” This self operates from a fictional and dysfunctional belief that it is possible and also our job to fix things. The whole self comes from truth. That self knows where the boundary between self and other stands. The whole self can detach with love when necessary and also see when they need to be accountable and give more. The goal is to always act from the whole self and also give love unconditionally. This episode has tools to get to that wholeness and also restore the love that gets eroded by negative feedback loops – the ones that occur when both parties are reacting from fear and a misinterpretation of the other person’s cues. SENDING LOVE!!! Sponsors:Betterhelp.com/helpmebeme - sign up and get 10% off your first month of therapyMonarch.com code HELPME for 50% off your first yearQuince.com/helpme for free shipping and 365 day returns Wayfair.com to shop all things homeMarleyspoon.com/offer/helpmebeme up to 25 FREE mealsHungryroot.com/HELPMEBEME and use code HELPMEBEME to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

At the end of the year, the beginning of the new year one can feel depleted or stuck. This is an episode with a lot of light, perspective-gaining tools to practice ease and spaciousness. It's for recognizing where you’re depleted, where you’re defensive or clingy, and also coming back home to a solid, positive mindset. This is for post-holiday crashing – something that happens to a lot of caregivers as well as sensitive and creative people. This is a reminder sort of episode: to ride that wave and float atop it as it passes, thinking of it more as a stage of rebirth. That feeling of depletion or even depression is a part of a transition. Often it’s a dip of energy needed to alert you to the need for rest and restoration. Enjoy this and sip some tea with a journal! Support this week’s sponsors: Chewy: Send your pet’s wish to Chewy.com/ChewyClaus and it might become a reality. Plus, your wish means Chewy will donate 5 meals to pets in need. Indeed: Indeed.com/HELPMEBEME for a $75 sponsored job credit Ritual: ritual.com/helpmebeme for 25% your first month TruDiagnostic: TruDiagnostic.com and use code HELPMEBEME for 20% off your entire order or subscription Marley Spoon: Marleyspoon.com/offer/helpmebeme for up to 25 free meals Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a super woo episode! It’s for all my creative friends and anyone who is feeling fearful and reactive in the state of uncertainty. If you’re a creative person and you feel stuck or stunted by fear, this is a grounding episode for clarity and building momentum. It’s a reflection episode in that I invite you to be more present and focus on where you can channel energy. In a nutshell, I am talking about what many refer to “divine feminine energy” – this is not about gender, but more an opposite energy that is essential to creativity: that state of “allowing” versus “muscling” and goal-setting. I personally have been out of balance lately in that I have been in the muscling, goal-setting “masculine” energy. I am inviting more balance into my life where I can be more in the welcoming and inspired – especially during this winter stage of life. If this sounds like something you need, this episode will hopefully bring you more calm and serenity. This is for creating balance in your life in your energy and in your future year. When I talk about masculine and feminine - I am talking about poles, like a yin-yang, not genders – so when you hear those terms you can refer to them as opposites that don’t really relate to cultural gender definitions. Regardless I send you love and wish you a happy holiday season! Xox The book I mentioned: https://amzn.to/3L4ntk5 Sponsors:Chewy: Send your pet’s wish to Chewy.com/ChewyClaus and it might become a reality. Plus, your wish means Chewy will donate 5 meals to pets in need. Indeed: Indeed.com/HELPMEBEME for a $75 sponsored job credit Ritual: ritual.com/helpmebeme for 25% your first month TruDiagnostic: TruDiagnostic.com and use code HELPMEBEME for 20% off your entire order or subscription Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A visioning practice as we close out the year. This is for making space for what is meant to come forth. This is for anyone wanting to process what is inside and position themselves for the year to come. I have lots of prompts in this one for reflecting and journaling. I also have lots of prompts for creating a vision board! A link to these prompts is linked below – in the case you want to just listen along and then do them in a journal and make a vision board later. I have been doing this myself because it’s easy to get so busy. We need a moment to checkin with where we’re at – what’s working, what needs tweaking. For me the ideal way to move through life is constantly course correcting, refining the recipe for your day, as you go. To be happy and fulfilled, we have to stop and take time to reflect on our life: what’s working and what we want to let go of. This ep is that opportunity!! Here’s Pam Grout’s book which I love: https://amzn.to/48BhwD5 Here are the prompts from this episode: https://yaywithme.squarespace.com/visioning-2025 Sponsors: Chewy: chewpanions.chewy.com/YAYWITHME to get $20 off your first order. Indeed: Indeed.com/HELPMEBEME for a $75 sponsored job credit Ritual: ritual.com/helpmebeme for 25% your first month TruDiagnostic: TruDiagnostic.com and use code HELPMEBEME for 20% off your entire order or subscription Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is for working on relationships in your life where you have weak boundaries. If there is a loved one who doesn’t respect your boundaries and you feel guilty for needing space from them, know that that is part of your upbringing and the feeling of needing space is your emotional health saying “I need to heal.” This is an episode to give you some relief around that set of feelings. It has some tools for coming into the present, tuning into your body. Truly healthy and loving relationships are built between two capable individuals who show up with heartfelt effort. This also applies with your relationship to yourself: you need to show up for you and set consistent boundaries around harmful situations. If there’s a person in your life who is not honoring you and your values, it’s up to you to boundary how you deserve to be treated. There need to be consequences when someone is not treating you with basic human respect. If there’s a person in your life who is having all their cake while you beg for emotional crumbs, this is an episode about confronting change and moving toward action. The inner world will match the outer world: your bar has to be consistent for everyone in your life otherwise your self-worth is affected in all spheres. Sending love! Sponsors: Factor: FactorMeals.com/HELPMEBEME50OFF and use code HELPMEBEME50OFF to get 50% off your first box, plus Free Breakfast for 1 Year. BetterHelp: betterhelp.com/helpmebeme to get 10% off your first month of therapy Indeed: Indeed.com/HELPMEBEME for a $75 sponsored job credit Ritual: ritual.com/helpmebeme for 25% your first month TruDiagnostic: TruDiagnostic.com and use code HELPMEBEME for 20% off your entire order or subscription Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We have a finite reserve of drive, otherwise known as libido. Libido is often used to refer to sexual desire but it also refers to a psychological drive – an energy for life satisfaction. In this episode I am referring to your drive and your ibido as psychic energy in general. This is about protecting your source of drive: channeling it toward that which you truly desire on a deep, personal level. Often in life, our drive gets fractured or frustrated by the needs of others or by filling the void with things like substances. I invite you to reflect on what’s happening in your life and where your libido is currently going. It needs to be channeled toward that which is most important to you. We must create a strong and consistent “container” or safe space for ourselves to bring forth any goal. Whatever condition in your life is stealing you away from a goal – I encourage you to be active in that fight even if it is unpleasant. That is a step in the process of change. Being in the struggle is how we move planets in our life. The books I mention in the episode are here: https://amzn.to/3XkmC17 https://amzn.to/43eEyOg And this is the dreamwork book: https://amzn.to/3Xg3i5a Support our sponsors: Chewy: chewpanions.chewy.com/YAYWITHME to get $20 off your first order.Indeed: Indeed.com/HELPMEBEME for a $75 sponsored job creditBetterHelp: betterhelp.com/helpmebeme to get 10% off your first month of therapy Ritual: ritual.com/helpmebeme for 25% your first month TruDiagnostic: TruDiagnostic.com and use code HELPMEBEME for 20% off your entire order or subscriptionBubs Naturals: BubsNaturals.com and use code HELPMEBEME for 20% off Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sometimes there is a path forward that we have not leveraged because we spin out in guilty ruminations and projections. You may want to get out of a relationship or change a condition in your life, but you defer to another person’s thoughts as you imagine them in your own mind. We often block ourselves from aligning with a truth with self-limiting beliefs and guilt because for codependents guilt is INTENSE. This is about ways that codependency can show up: allowing the feelings of others to block us from what we want. This is aimed at reflection and a chance to look inward. I wanted to say if you’re in a place like this – you feel stuck and it feels like it’s all on this other person, that is an opportunity to step back, tune in, and practice letting go. Sending love… The book I mention is this lovely read: https://amzn.to/4oB0o6I Sponsors: Factor: FactorMeals.com/HELPMEBEME50OFF and use code HELPMEBEME50OFF to get 50% off your first box, plus Free Breakfast for 1 Year.BetterHelp: betterhelp.com/helpmebeme to get 10% off your first month of therapy Indeed: Indeed.com/HELPMEBEME for a $75 sponsored job creditHeadspace: Headspace.com/HELPMEBEME60 to unlock all of Headspace FREE for 60 daysRitual: ritual.com/helpmebeme for 25% your first month Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Or having enough of yourself to channel toward that which you are gifted to bring into this world. This is for those cultivating a creative dream who are struggling to get into creative flow. This episode has tools for jumpstarting a sense of inner drive that comes from knowing oneself. Where you might be right now: energetically “occupied.” Relationships take up a lot of time and remove our mental ability to think autonomously. As do jobs. In general, if we are unable to access flow it’s a sign we are spiritually taxed. Sometimes that is because life has made you neglect that part of yourself. Sometimes your creative muscles are just out of use. And other times it’s because someone hurt you and it has given you performance anxiety. Protect your energy - it is precious, the most finite resource you have. To access that place of flow and drive, we need safety and private psychic space. What I will go into in this episode is how to start to build up a routine and get moving toward your creative goal. Sponsors: Chewy: chewpanions.chewy.com/YAYWITHME to save $20 off your first order Indeed: Indeed.com/HELPMEBEME for a $75 sponsored job credit Headspace: Headspace.com/HELPMEBEME60 to unlock all of Headspace FREE for 60 days Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Losing, feeling low, less-than, not winning at something. This is for a perspective flip: seeing every place as exactly where you need to be, at a given time. We all have seasons in our life and cycles we move through. Cycles of productivity, growth, success, and then there is also resetting – where we are brought into a new, full understanding of reality. This is important and though painful, it also serves a role in your life: think of it as the winter of your cycle. A Seneca quote that feels appropriate: “No man is more unhappy than he who never faces adversity.” Friction is how we move into new levels and capacities for joy and depth. When we return to the barren state, we check in with self and with life: where am I and where should I be going? There is new information to be brought in and it brings about the reshaping of self. This episode has some tools to look at your loss or your feeling of lowness as a winter opportunity for inquiry and change. This can be a moment of truth, acceptance, reconciliation. If something has recently hit you – do not panic, do not reject it, but allow the change to wash over you. Sending love… Sponsors: AquaTru.com - use code HELPMEBEME for 20% off any AquaTru purifier Indeed.com/HELPMEBEME for a $75 sponsored job credit Wayfair.com Headspace.com/HELPMEBEME60 to unlock all of Headspace FREE for 60 days TruDiagnostic.com and use code HELPMEBEME for 20% off your entire order or subscription betterhelp.com/helpmebeme to get 10% off your first month of therapy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is really about living a life of meaning and being intentional in that approach to today. Tools for focusing your energy on on vibrating toward good – whatever that looks like for YOU, right now. What do you live for? Is your life designed around this thing? I don’t mean living for a job or a mission, necessarily. I also mean things like “hiking with my dog” or “mountain biking.” This episode is about returning to yourself, coming back to who you are through deliberate efforts. We are constantly recalibrating. I read a quote recently by E.L. Doctoro about writing a novel. “Writing is like driving at night in the fog. You can only see as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.' Self-work and healing is also like driving a car at night. You can make the whole trip that way, you don’t need to see it all at once. Just focus on being deliberate and intentional in how you approach today – only today, right now. We return to ourselves when we create conditions that remind us of our origins. The book I mention is here: https://amzn.to/4mcnBKM Sponsors: Chewy: chewy.com/podhelpmebeme to save $20 on your first order with free shipping Indeed.com/HELPMEBEME for a $75 sponsored job credit Wayfair.com Headspace.com/HELPMEBEME60 to unlock all of Headspace FREE for 60 days TruDiagnostic.com and use code HELPMEBEME for 20% off your entire order or subscription Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What is love bombing? It’s a term used to describe the initial phase of a relationship when someone is trying to “seal the deal” with intoxicating affection. The person connects quick and hard, often validating you in ways you have craved your whole life; saying all the things you want to hear, treating you like you have dreamed of being treated. They make you feel seen and adored, which is why it’s so confusing and painful when it ends. A lot of people ask me, what happened to that person? Was it not real? It was real for you in your personal experience – however the person who enacted it was not portraying their true self. A person like this usually collects fans. They collect adorers, and they get off on the feeling of control. So I describe it often as a person with a different kind of brain. More on this plus some tools in this episode. This is for one person in particular but also meant for anyone who has fallen for a person who immediately disposed of you after you thought they were the one. And if you’ve been love-bombed and then deeply wounded, I send you much love. Hang in there. xox Support this week’s sponsors! LolaBlankets.com - use code HELPMEBEME for 35% off AquaTru.com - use code HELPMEBEME for 20% off any AquaTru purifier Indeed.com/HELPMEBEME for a $75 sponsored job credit Wayfair.com Headspace.com/HELPMEBEME60 to unlock all of Headspace FREE for 60 days TruDiagnostic.com and use code HELPMEBEME for 20% off your entire order or subscription Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you being loving or are you enabling someone to remain dysfunctional? How do you tell? If you are a person who finds you are enraged and triggered by a relationship in your life and you feel powerless, this episode is about imbalanced relationships where one person is overactive and another person is underactive and how that “sick system” self-perpetuates despite everyone having good intentions. If you are unsure whether or not you are codependent, ask yourself – do you obsess about the way another person lives their life and does it make you miserable? Are you finding yourself being put in compromising situations because of that person? This episode might be a helpful starting point. Also here are a few must-reads! Codependent No More https://amzn.to/4ooLFfW Courage to Change https://amzn.to/3HgpAzC The Dance of Anger https://amzn.to/45kZlQj Sponsors: Chewy: chewy.com/podhelpmebeme to save $20 on your first order with free shipping BetterHelp: betterhelp.com/helpmebeme to get 10% off your first month of therapy Indeed: Indeed.com/HELPMEBEME for a $75 sponsored job credit Wayfair: Wayfair.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices