Gotta Love Family Podcast

I had a funny conversation with a single dad. We were talking about how to keep things clean and how to get our kids to clean. I noticed he wasn't an efficient housekeeper. He felt he was doing ok, and it was ok, just not very clean. : ) This comes from someone who was a professional housekeeper for almost two decades. This dad told me they have a long-time family friend named Steffanie. She is a natural-born cleaner, like me. When he asked the kids to clean anything they would respond, "Dad's clean, or Stefanie's clean." Gotta love kids! My goal today is not to discuss different systems for getting kids to do chores or how to get kids to do chores. It's about keeping home management and teaching in place while reinforcing good relationships at the same time. I'm sharing two things I did that worked for a time and helped build relationships. One is truly radical. It will leave some of you speechless and others of you laughing. I'm sharing them because they illustrate the importance of relationships over home management. Join me and see how you can care for home and family and still build relationships.

I had a conversation last March with a young friend. Yes, it has taken me over a year to figure out how to share our conversation. The topic is challenging, and I am busy caregiving. This last comment leads us into my conversation with my friend. She was overwhelmed and felt like a parenting and personal failure. She wanted to know how to identify the essentials and have some control. : ) I could relate to everything she was feeling and suffering. Frankly, I was in the same boat but for different reasons. She was asking me something I was just beginning to get a handle on myself. That is probably why over a year passed before I could share the conversation. Join me as I share our situations and the tips I shared with my friend that help me manage what is and where I am.

I have a granddaughter and a dear friend with special needs. I have another friend who has six children with special needs. These relationships require us to face many challenges but if we can find beauty and joy in the journey, as my friend with the six special needs children says, we choose the scenic route. This doesn't just apply to families with children like my granddaughter and friends. Doesn't every child have 'special needs?' Isn't parenting any child a challenge of change and growth? Join me as I share some tips on how you can choose the scenic route despite the challenges of parenting any child.

I read a verse of scripture that sparked this article. "I have commanded you to bring up your children in light and truth. . .therefore, First, set in order thy house" Doctrine and Covenants 93:43 On this day, I read it in a new way. I focused on "First, set in order thy house". It brought to my mind another verse of scripture. "For now we see through a glass darkly". 1 Cor. 14:12 Seeing through a glass darkly is an apt analogy when we are sharing knowledge with our children. If the windows to our home are dark, we cannot see out of them clearly. Everything we see will be dimmed by our own darkness. We will not be able to give more light to our families than we possess. We must be enlightened first, and then we can share with our children. It caused me to think of the classics I have read and my spiritual canon. If we are unfamiliar with good literature and that which informs our belief system, then we cannot call them to mind when a quote, verse, or thought might enlighten a child, illuminate a teaching, open a new learning adventure, or ease a soul. These quotes and teachings won't be in us because our house is empty, and our windows are dark. As parents, we want to do and say the best thing when it is needed, so we can give help, comfort, and knowledge to our children. Having light in our own house, so to speak, is vital. Reading good books and our spiritual canon or other writings that inform our belief system is like washing our windows and filling our house with light. As we enlighten ourselves, we see more clearly. We see our children and their needs more clearly. So, how do busy parents find the time for self-education, reading, and reflection? Join me as I share nine tips that will help you learn and grow despite the business that comes with being a parent.

This is the last article in the series on cleaning systems. This is the system I use today. Let me give you the back story. I have tried many cleaning systems, but I always returned to 'THE LIST.' I am a list maker. It seemed the most useful and satisfying way to manage my daily work. However, I am also a finisher. This and list-making can be a combination for failure. It isn't that you fail, but you always feel like a failure because you can never finish the list. In real life, you never finish the list. Part of the reason for this is, that not everything you have to do in a day is on the list - dishes, meals, laundry, running kids to friends, that extra trip to school when someone is ill, and so forth. This list/finisher combination caused me grief for most of my life. If I am not careful and follow my current system, it still can be. Just being honest. : ) When I found myself in a four-generation home, just as busy as when I was raising seven children, I began praying about the issue. God knows me well, and he likes me how I am. But He also knows there are ways that I can manage my natural way of being/energy better. So that seemed like the best place to go for help. Join me today as I share the cleaning system I use today, why it works for me, and why it might work for you.

This is the last article in the series on cleaning systems. This is the system I use today. Let me give you the back story. I have tried many cleaning systems, but I always returned to 'THE LIST.' I am a list maker. It seemed the most useful and satisfying way to manage my daily work. However, I am also a finisher. This and list-making can be a combination for failure. It isn't that you fail, but you always feel like a failure because you can never finish the list. In real life, you never finish the list. Part of the reason for this is, that not everything you have to do in a day is on the list - dishes, meals, laundry, running kids to friends, that extra trip to school when someone is ill, and so forth. This list/finisher combination caused me grief for most of my life. If I am not careful and follow my current system, it still can be. Just being honest. : ) When I found myself in a four-generation home, just as busy as when I was raising seven children, I began praying about the issue. God knows me well, and he likes me how I am. But He also knows there are ways that I can manage my natural way of being/energy better. So that seemed like the best place to go for help. Join me today as I share the cleaning system I use today, why it works for me, and why it might work for you.

I read an article my friend Donna Goff wrote called Trade in Your To-Do List. The article I read, resonated with me because my daily worksheet can feel overwhelming. The problem is, I rarely get each item on the list finished, even if I am running circles all day long, Donna had experienced the same thing. And no matter how much you accomplish in a day, if there are unchecked items left on your list it can leave you with a sense of not having done enough. It shouldn't. I know better. You probably know better. Donna knows better. But occasionally it does. Join me as I share a fun way to take a break, clear your head, and possibly make way for a systems tune-up in how you keep on top of things at home.

Anne Murdock just retired from decades of working with special needs children. That is our big link, as I have a special needs granddaughter. We met in church and became fast friends. Although I moved, we have stayed in touch. Recently we began meeting for lunch. We each drive about 30 minutes and it has been fun. A few months ago, we discussed a cool system Anne uses to help women stay on top of their work at home and have fewer moments of feeling like they can't manage. It's called Household Bingo. You check off the boxes as you finish jobs until you have a bingo. Take time to reward yourself, read a book, take a walk, listen to music, etc. Then you work for the next bingo. Eventually, you will have crossed everything off the card. Then you create a new card by asking the question, "What is most pressing right now?" Sounds interesting, doesn't it! It is a simple system using the principle that small things, done consistently, make big things happen. Join me as I explain how this simple and effective system can keep you from saying, "Why am I in such a mess?"

In the next few weeks, I will be sharing some cleaning systems from friends of mine and myself. We all need help managing the 'pile' of things that need to be done so that we don't get bogged down and feel like failures. This is a very familiar feeling to most of us! I begin with my friend Donna Goff who is a writer, teacher, mentor, and mother to a large family. Join me as we explore how she stays on time and avoids the dreaded 'neverending list.'

There are many ways to recharge and care for yourself but they aren't helpful unless you know what works for you. and did you know that what works can change and then you have to go back to the drawing board. Join me as I share an experience from 2011 and another from 2024 that is illuminating when it comes to understanding what works for you when you need to recharge. I will also share why I don't buy the idea that to recharge we have to go outside of the chaos of daily living. If that is the case, then many of us will get very little self-care. It doesn't matter how you recharge. When you know what works, do it daily and the heat of the day will be less intense.

In the last two weeks, I've given you some information on Sparks and how to use them to connect with your children. In the article on March 10 – SPARKS - The Big Fail, I mentioned that when we learn to utilize Sparks, we can help our children love the idea of learning. Kids have a lot to learn, and often, whether we homeschool or use public or private schools, the love of learning can get buried. We can't prevent times when school is boring or too hard. But we can keep the desire to learn alive, as we utilize our children's Sparks. When I was speaking and teaching, I spent many hours helping parents use their children's Sparks. I wrote LOTS of articles on the experiences actual families had. Today's article was written in 2012, the same year I had my big fail and many big wins. My friend, Leah, was taking her family to Florida and wanted them to LOVE the trip and to LEARN a lot. We both knew what I wrote in the article two weeks ago - Life is about learning, and the best-lived lives happen when we continue to learn. Leah wanted this for her boys. Join me as I share how Leah got her boys on board and how she took a Spark and turned it into a roaring fire.

Last week I shared information about Sparks and how valuable they can be in building child-parent relationships. I also shared my big failure when it came to one of my grandsons Sparks. Let's have a quick review. In my book Becoming a Present Parent I wrote that the value of seeing your child's Sparks is that it's a wonderful way to get Present with your child. It's powerful not only in helping them love learning but also in creating tighter relationships. So, what is a Spark? Simply put, a Spark is anything that a child says or does that lets you know they're interested in something right now. Last week I shared a big Spark fail. Today I want to share a Big Spark win. When you understand Sparks and how to use them you will listen, enjoy, and bond better with your children.

In my book Becoming a Present Parent I wrote that the value of seeing your child's Sparks is that it's a wonderful way to get Present with your child. It's powerful not only in helping them love learning but also in creating tighter relationships. Over the next few months, I want to share some examples of how I, and other parents, were able to use Sparks to connect with our kids. They are fun ideas that you can incorporate with your children, even if they haven't shown up as a Spark, because you can also ignite Sparks. Light a spark and watch it burn! Besides, it's nice to have a quiver of ideas in your back pocket, especially with summer right around the corner and the sometimes boring days it brings. Learning slows down and tech takes over. It is useful to have some fun ideas and then gather your kids around for some non-tech enjoyment. One of the reasons I'm going to tackle this issue of Sparks in the next couple of months is because I'm going to be spending LOTS of time caring for my grands. I fly to Seattle for a week, mid-month, where my grands range in age from almost twelve to four. Then it's on to Colorado for a week. These grands range in age from married with kids, down to age four. I need a reminder, because as I see Sparks, I can respond, and our time together will be more powerful. The article I am sharing this week was written in late 2011 and is about an epic failure in the Sparks arena. It illustrates the number one thing to remember about Sparks – the younger the child the shorter the Sparks shelf life. So when a Spark pops up you need to be prepared to respond. When you do, the results are amazing. Next week I will share a success.

Have you ever wondered how to read books that aren't easy reads? This has been an issue for me. I LOVE reading but sometimes the classics are a challenge. History can be dry. Some books deal with tough topics. How do you manage those? I just finished a book while at my daughter's in Seattle, The Midnight Library. It's a book I would recommend to others, but it wasn't what I would call a 'tough read.' It was a thoughtful and enjoyable read. We all need those now and then but to learn and grow we occasionally need the tough read. In May of 2023, I finished the book, Confucius - The Analects. Here is what I posted: "OK, this book was a tough read for me! I know exactly why I am not a philosophy major. I do not think deeply enough or abstractly enough. I had friends who read this and told me it was a must-read. So, I read it. Yes, the whole thing, but I confess, I didn't get most of it. Join me as we discuss how to read hard books. When you can tackle hard books, then you can help your children and youth do the same. It is a skill worth learning and then passing on.

Every mother struggles to bring all that she has to the family table. We all want to teach our children to be kind, to have manners, to be honest, to do their chores, to share, and on and on. We also want to teach skills that can help them as adults. We desire to encourage them to develop talents for the joy of it. It can feel daunting. But there is something else that many of us struggle with; we want to have meaningful 'family learning', where our families connect and where the connection we create is passed down. That can often seem even more challenging because of the time and effort it can take. This is not something that we can give to our children by our example or our way of being. I am talking about what we do as a family that is uniquely our own, that is passed on because we did them together and they became part of us. Today we are going to tackle this sticky wicket and see how it can be done, even if you have felt that you are failing at this or if you don't even get what I'm talking about. : )

I have a friend that I admire very much, Alysia Humphries. What got me thinking about her this last couple of weeks was that tonight (Saturday) I am going to a special event for caregivers. She and a handful of other women are giving some nurturing to caregivers. I fit into that group and so Alysia asked me to come. I am going to have some foot zoning done and Alysia is giving me some light therapy. Restful! That got me thinking about Alysia and a letter she sent to me after an event I participated in over a dozen years ago to help to mothers focus better on what matters. Today Alysia kids are twelve years older, but being a present parent doesn't change even when your kids are adults. I thought you would enjoy her letter and the tips that she came up with for herself to manage better. Enjoy Alysia's experience and I will enjoy my light therapy. : )

I recall getting an email from a very harried mom with a three-year-old. I laugh about it still because I can relate! "YIKES!! My three-year-old wants me to help him with everything!! I need some activities and games for small children!" Not long after, I got an email from a mom who was homeschooling. She loved working with her eight-year-old, but she had two littles who made it difficult to give her older son the attention she wanted to. She needed some diversions for those little ones. She planned for all of them to be in the same room, but she needed her littles to be able to play happily without her help for short periods. Today I will share a HUGE list of activities that will keep your small children occupied for short periods leaving you free to work with an older child, do some chores, work from home, or do your reading and study. These activities come from many mothers so they are tried and true!

Do you have cherished dreams? Is there a goal you want as much as breathing? Do you worry that because you chose to be a parent they may never come to pass? I can relate. I raised seven children. I was busy and overwhelmed lots of the time. I had goals and dreams and there were times I felt they could come to pass. Then, just when I felt I was moving towards them, I would be called home physically or emotionally and the dream would be on hold again. Today, I want to encourage you and give you heart, so will hold on to your dreams while you do this most important calling, raising your family. I have often said, "You can't know until you get there." I have gotten to a new place and in time, I believe you will get there too. Join me as I share the new place I have gotten and how it can give you hope for your dreams and goals.

Life as a single parent is a challenging journey, but it can also be filled with growth, resilience, and moments of joy. I have a daughter navigating this path, and it can be both painful and joyous watching her and her children as they move through this new territory. To manage well requires a blend of practical strategies and emotional fortitude. Understanding how to manage as a single parent, either a mom or dad, requires support and resources. In April of 2023, I posted an article by a fellow writer, Laura Pearson, filled with resources to assist parents returning to school. Today I am sharing another of her articles with resources for single parents. If you are a single parent this will probably not be new information for you, but I hope the included links will be useful in helping you move forward in investigating these and other resources that may be just what you need.