I believed my husband was lying when he said I was sexy - Stephanie

Stephanie shares how childhood shame about feeling good in her body led to an eating disorder. She talks about how the eating disorder affected her ability to relate with sexual partners, including her now-husband. Healing the eating disorder has allowed her to begin relating in a new way with her body and her husband.

• Stephanie shares her first memory of sexual play at age 5 or 6, accidentally discovering that rubbing her genitals felt good. The adults around her shamed her, leading her to believe masturbation was a terrible secret.
• Shame compounds to feeling that her vagina is broken.
• Stephanie describes a "good girl" upbringing, and being behind her peers in sexual experimentation.
• An eating disorder manifests in her life.
• What trauma, even/especially when we don't label it as such, can look like.
• Stephanie hits a rock bottom with her eating disorder in college, and rebounds into a new willingness to try sex finally.
• She meets her husband, who makes her feel safe enough to begin to be present in her body during sex. She experiences her first real pleasure.
• Stephanie elaborates the myriad ways her eating disorder impacts their sexual relationship.
• While the sex is great in her marriage, Stephanie questions the kissing, and she and Leah go on a deep-dive about embodiment.

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EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak