Giles Coren Has No Idea

There are only three weeks left to audition for the new HBO Harry Potter series, sadly for Giles his best wizarding days are behind him, but he has high hopes for his son.In fact, at fifty-five are most of his best days behind him? Who knows, he’s too old to care. But he does know what goes best with a square of dark chocolate…“There is no such thing as ‘man flu’” says Giles, but then he goes on to say lots of other things which Esther has more of a problem with.Finally, a great new dating app for the Catholic church and…something else, no its gone, I can’t remember.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Three questions:1)     What constitutes modern art? A sieve without a handle, a misshapen squash? Esthers patience with the Turner Prize has reached its limit.2)     What’s the difference between a banana and a phone? ...what's a banana?3)     What’s the first rule of customer relations? The customer is always a [email protected], the positives of Oxbridge sliding down the university league tables.And saving the best till last, look out for Giles and Esther’s absolutely fabulous Jane Horrocks impressions.** Contains strong language from the start Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What is a freebie, how do you get them and do you have to pay tax?A tale of two particular freebies this week, interspersed with a collection of Giles and Esthers own freebies from the past.While Lady Starmer has fallen foul of some members of the press for her new dresses, Eamonn Holmes has been scoffed at for taking his lady friend on a cruise. Esther and Giles have sympathy, freebies aren’t all they’re cracked up to be and anyway they’re part of the business, aren’t they…  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Giles and Esther are thrilled to be back from their long summer break, well Esther is.And there is so much to talk about; Keir Starmer has taken a truth serum, but is that what people want? Donald Trump went face to face with Kamala Harris in an animalistic US presidential debate. The weight loss drug Ozempic is now being offered to children and Greggs have launched a range of footwear. The world is still mad. But fear not, take joy in the simple things, just like Giles and Kitty on the way to school…  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Giles and Esther send a quick note from their holidays. They'll be back and raring to go next week. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A new dawn has broken, has it not… well something like that. Giles and Esther channel their inner Nostradamus to predict last night’s results. If, as assumed Sir Keir becomes PM, what does it mean for his family? Giles considers penning an ode to Kentish Town and all that the Starmers will leave behind.As Sir Keir awaits his big result, Giles is waiting for his own important phone call, but its from the NHS so who knows when it will come, today, tomorrow…never.  Rumours abound of very underhand tactics being planned within the parental whats app groups of certain private schools. Will it be enough to change Labour policy? Amidst the big news a smaller but perhaps more meaningful event, the closing of a chapter in the Coren household. When dealing with the emotional toll of children growing up, who better to turn to than A. A. Milne or F. Scott Fitzgerald?  Finally, women are better at espionage than men…how else did Dame Judi make it to be head of MI6..? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Giles is feeling bright and breezy, and it’s all thanks to Ether. For once he took her advice and tried the latest ‘wonder drug’ Naltrexone. What would have otherwise been a night of drunken excess instead turned into a night of charitable excess. He is a convert. Sadly, neither he nor Esther have made any money out of their pharmaceutical evangelism. Keir Starmer has exposed the latest ‘get out of jail free card’ for those in public life: ”I’m changing it from the inside.” Seeing it for the cop out that it is they wonder what else could be changed from the inside...?If one wished to be pale, male and stale, how would one go about it? Giles has all the tips you’ll need. Esther indulges her love of low-level pettiness and offers it to the listeners for those who share her joy of pointless tiny battles. Finally, a look at the spat between David Tennant and Kemi Badenoch and the effects of success guilt. ** The ambient sounds were out in force this week, with the doors open on a very hot day we had the sound of local children, a workman using an angle grinder and as always, the birds.   Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In response to a survey suggesting people are turning away from the news Giles and Esther pander to the masses and happily look past the obvious headlines. Who or what constitutes a working man? As the blue and red parties scabble to attract anyone who earns a living Giles is temporarily bewitched by the endless tax breaks on offer from the Reform party. His conscience kicks in but with his new found knowledge of the candidates he does a ‘who said what’ quiz for Esther. Little House on the Prairie - an idyllic serene country existence…? Not so fast! If you survive the warring factions on the plain and the syphilis you’ve still got to fight off the cowboys. Perhaps not the best example of the past to offer to children. Giles and Esther consider some better examples, and more pertinent advice for the young people of today. Lastly, could it really be true that privately educated children are thinner in middle age than their state educated counter parts? Of course not, Esther is suitably exasperated. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Esther is front page news after writing about a drug which helps with alcoholism…unusually she hasn’t just written about naltrexone, she’s tried it. It leads to a discussion about the results of alcohol abuse within different economic groups. As ever the Germans are ahead of the game, they’ve decided to only sell England football fans low alcohol beer.Rishi Sunak has once again shown his gift for the uncommon touch; Giles thinks he shouldn’t be let lose without a minder. What is the point of going to university? Giles and Esther disagree, but both can see the endless benefits of going to boarding school.Bring back kids TV, so says Russel T Davis. Esther likes the idea but what would one bring back, TISWAS, Swap Shop or Going Live? Finally, as protests sweep the nation Giles has a cunning idea, a protest against his own podcast… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Stephen Fry has upset the ruddy faced members of the MCC; it has left Giles awkwardly fiddling with his box as he balances his desire to join the MCC with his admiration for Mr Fry.No such trouble with Keir Starmer and Rishi Sunak who come in for equal disdain. Was it a debate or a barrister and a banker meeting at the school gates? Or a special episode of Numberwang…?The debate slid to one side Esther and Giles consider a throbbing question; What are the most annoying ‘corporate speak’ phrases? Low hanging fruit, blue sky thinking…? Whichever it is, Giles and Esther are about to smut them up for you.Esther thinks Giles has a big one, Giles thinks it is actually quite small, certainly not as big as Fergie’s. Thank goodness the late Queen Elizabeth insisted Fergie parade hers in public…After all the saucy talk Esther needs a stiff drink…but not on a plane.Finally, its back to the election as Rishi Sunak enlists Tom Cruise into his campaign team…  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Giles and Esther are away this week. In their absence here is a short collection of recent highlights.Giles faces a late fitness test. Esther takes the AA road quiz. And why won't flying taxis go south of the river...?Hope you enjoy them. Please do like and share and we’ll see you next week. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

** This episode was recorded just before Prime Minister Rishi Sunak called the election; please sit back and bask in an election free zone.Has Kevin Costner got better with age? Esther thinks so. She also ranks his film ‘Robin Hood Prince of Thieves’ as the best of all time, unlike his current project – Horizon: chapter one. In a spooky premonition Giles stars in his own vanity project; a gripping drama about a snap election, an assassination and an ageing dad being called up to save the ashes. A new sex themed Italian restaurant has opened in Milan, Giles does not want to know what the specials are! Despite the recent tragic events statistically air travel is still very safe…just don’t board a plane built by the NHS and run by the Post Office. Whatever the plane, the 'Campden People’s Theatre' will be flying first class, but they’d love to mix with those in the cheap seats…Finally, it’s time to prepare! Never mind the election we’re talking pandemics, learn from lock down - more pasta and hummus, less toilet roll.If you’re wondering what the pitter patter in the background is, that’ll be the rain. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Artist Jonathan Yeo has painted luminaries such as Tony Blair, David Cameron and most recently the King. He has also painted Giles (twice) and Esther’s sister. As old friends of Jonathan, Giles and Esther are well placed to guide the philistines of Instagram through his artistic talents.Chancellor Jeremy Hunt is seeking to reassure the nation that all is well in the UK. Unfortunately, his lacklustre writing style is the least of his problems; he has an 800 year old tax rebate and a batty flautist to sort out first.  A new carrot and carrot approach to the obesity crisis is showing positive results. Are incentives the way forward to change behaviours…? How much to make people pronounce semaglutide correctly…?Finally, Giles gets in touch with his feminine side in the swimming pool, once he has buried his acorns… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Garrick Club is finally opening its doors to women, well some women. Whilst not a member, as a regular frequenter of the Garrick Giles lets daylight in upon magic and reveals the earth-shattering secrets of the gentleman’s club. Esther wonders why on earth anyone would bother. A grassroots Muslim campaign group emboldens Giles and Esther to offer their own list of demands to potential PM Keir Starmer. Brexit makes an unwelcome return as the fall guy for a bad opening night. Esther has sympathy but Giles smells a Gallic rat.Finally, Esther stumbles upon the unforeseen consequences of automatic only driving tests…doom in a post-apocalyptic world. But does it make her sad...? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The pressing question this week is: If a T-Rex played Taylor Swift at chess who would win? An octopus has offered to referee, but only if it is paid in food stamps. ‘An expert’ has suggested that the T’Rex may have been a little dim…so Giles wonders what or who constitutes dim in the 21st century...?Could the demise of Humza Yousaf be down to the Scottish Nationalists losing the culture wars…when asked for their opinion the great Scottish public replied “Get te f**k!” It turns out that it is not only opinionated columnists who need the culture wars, the Tory party do too, and possibly the Daily Mail. Bland, over processed and will do you no good – Taylor Swift or supermarket bread? The bread of course, but some, may have reached Taylor Swift saturation point.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Could the culture wars finally be drawing to a close? If they are what will Giles talk about in future; certainly not ancient antiquities, his knowledge is lacking in that sphere. How to spice up one’s autobiography, some celeb gossip here, a royal orgy there…let’s ask Rebel Wilson she is bound to have a few more ideas.Age is but a number, which may just be seventeen thousand. That’s what John Cleese is paying for stem cell therapy. But why worry, what of the crows of the air, they do not sow or reap…perhaps because they are to preoccupied with the ‘Tokyo crow controller’…Lastly, what makes a good friendship…Giles doesn’t care he’s too busy picking up crisp packets.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Warning flag: this episode contains sensitive content.Fresh from the Easter recess Giles and Esther have a cunning plan to lure in new listeners, they’re flying the flag for air fryers. Keen to be welcoming of all cooking methods they undertake some thorough research which includes never using, trying or knowing anything about air fryers, before coming to a categoric conclusion on the latest kitchen gadget… They take a look at the most expensive streets to live in the UK - none of which have flags in the  front garden - and compare them to their own ends.Saving the best till last Giles and Esther try to identify the twenty-one sexuality and gender flags on display at a hospital reception in the midlands. Giles can’t find his flag, and he is worried about members of the Royal Navy. Finally, he stumbles upon an idea which he sends up his flagpole to see if it gets a salute…  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Britain was made great by arseholes; MP’s thinking about porn and national stereotypes. It’s a very slow news week. Lacking stimulation Giles and Esther turn to pornography and the MP’s who are worrying about its effect on sex education. Inspired, Giles decides he can write a piece in praise of ‘the arsehole’ – they have a game of “good arsehole, bad arsehole” and speculate on the nature of Sacha Baron Cohen’s arsehole-ness.  Fully expecting to face justice for their crimes against good taste Giles and Esther consider the potential end to the trial by jury system. In its place…trail by ordeal. Their punishment; to spend eternity gazing at an awful sculpture of a moustachioed plumber. Finally, an Italian, an Aussie and a Swede walk into a sauna... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The new Bond, MP’s presenting TV programmes, Giles is a Gorilla and Ewan McGregor’s…acting skills.Giles is very excited by the latest actor being linked with the role of James Bond, he feels sure he has some useful tips for the scrip writers – a Volvo car, a fussy mother, and some anti-allergy pillows.Elsewhere, what would the BBC advertise if they could… waterproof pants or Stormzy’s latest album? Giles is preoccupied with the effect gravity is having on Ewan McGregor’s acting career. And Esther and Giles believe in the benefits of fasting, they have a gut feeling it’s a good thing. Sadly, recent research may disagree, they turn to Love Island contestant Auto Phagya for help. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Giles has gone down the RAC rabbit hole, and to his delight it is providing him with an endless stream of evidence proving that he is, surprise surprise… an excellent driver. Not content with that he decides to quiz Esther on some of the most common driving myths, thus proving that she is not an excellent driver. You be the judge as to the veracity of his conclusions.In a column that writes itself the ONS’s inflation basket gets a makeover for centrist dads, boomers, and millennials. Finally, Esther nails her colours to the mast – what is the point of university..?** Mansfield College does in fact have college status, granted in 1995.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Peter Mandelson thinks Keir Starmer "needs to shed a few pounds". And Giles, always the friendly neighbour, thinks he can help his local MP look his dashing best on camera. What should he wear, where should he stand, and who should he stand next to? You're welcome Sir Keir - a future invite to Chequers is surely inevitable... Plus, it's International Women's Day. So what better way to celebrate than writing about what International Men's Day would look like? And while in the safe confines of podcast land, Giles asks Esther about whether she's scared of the menopause. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Following last week’s comments about the Israel Gaza conflict, Giles had a visit to a local synagogue to navigate. It turned out the Rabbi may have been more famous than he is, but Giles did his aunt proud – shepping nachas!Looking for a diversion, Giles and Esther watched a documentary on ‘Bennifer’ - Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez…it was quite a disappointment. Their version of a great love story has more in common with the Twits, things get out of hand when they list their pet peeves.Staying with America, Peppa Pig is spreading the English accent across the Atlantic. Neither are fans of the pink oinker, or of world book day as it turns out. Finally, some wet nappies tie the whole thing together, sort of.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It’s a challenging and thoughtful episode this week. Giles has changed his opinion on the Israel Gaza conflict. He reflects on the time since he last spoke and wrote about it back in October; his final comments then proved depressingly accurate. Esther is caught off guard when discussing the fate of Russian dissident Alexei Navalny. Thereafter, all other subjects seem to be ‘tap dancing’ around the edges, but nevertheless men’s jewellery leads to an amusing insight into Esther and Giles respective sex lives at university…  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

VAT on school fees offers Giles and Esther the chance to consider the effects of a deluge of public-school children into the state system. Should it come to pass there will be a familiar cast of winners and losers. A pressing question; how should one dress when out in Mayfair? As shabbily as possible it seems, with good reason, oh and don’t wear a watch. After the break the Kings cancer diagnoses stirs some emotional memories, but nothing to be exploited. In lighter news it turns out that Orcas are not lost at sea and the French are having less sex, whilst the English are making eyes at their pets...**For those, like me, unsure of the meaning of a ‘mufti day’ it is a non-uniform day at school Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Gwyneth Paltrow is…furious. Thankfully Gwyn has a unique way to unleash her anger. As a man used to losing his temper Giles feels he can give her some tips.Esther and Giles have been mixing in rarefied circles, but they don’t like to talk about it…much. In an exclusive just for the podcast they give a little glimpse into the life of grace and favour.Lean, fearful children, vain rats and a sexy Jesus pave the way for Rishi Sunak and advice on fasting. Sadly, they never did make it to Marcus Rashford or soft drink sommeliers…maybe next time. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What constitutes being fit for your age…a lap of the track, twenty push ups, or lugging a TV to the tip and changing the bed sheets? Giles and Esther put themselves to the test. Is ‘fat neck’ a sign of being unfit, or an ailment or not a thing at all. Whatever it is, Giles definitely doesn’t have it! And while we’re on illness, he doesn’t have man flu either. In fact, ‘man flu’ is just a tired trope…but he might have prostate trouble, but he can’t be sure because his doctor doesn’t wish to do the necessary. Finally, a fly past of beards, queue jumping and potty mouthed parrots, all of which just about adds up to a podcast. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome back and a Happy New Year. Giles welcomes 2024 by pondering the impending apocalypse. Thankfully that doesn’t last long before thoughts turn to working or wanking, or both. Is work by its very definition not to be enjoyed? To quote Esther; “it’s boring and it never stops.” It is unlikely that public sex acts would improve matters much, but it is hard not to consider once the seed has been sown. Speaking of filth, Giles hasn’t washed in six days, but with good reason. Esher on the other had has washed, but in an unconventional manner. Perhaps it is because, like Kate Moss, they just don’t give a fig…Here's to series twelve, thanks for listening. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's fun, it's festive, it’s a bumper edition.We hope you enjoy it. If you do, please share.Merry Christmas, see you in the New Year. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Its Christmas and it’s all hands to the ideas pump. Giles has columns to write, lots of them, and he’d like them done before Christmas eve. Cue a list of perennial Christmas crackers; cost of Christmas, Whamageddon!, other things to avoid before Christmas, who likes Christmas pudding and dead or alive at Christmas…A quick look at robot reverends and Esther’s tips on prepping for the end of the world, and we’re half an hour closer to Christmas.PS Benny Hill didn’t die on Christmas day.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Giles and Esther are feeling a little uneasy about discussing the news. Well, one story in particular, the Israel Gaza conflict. Can anything be said, is anyone the right person to say it? In cheerier news, winter is here, hurrah! Light the fire, hunker down and see no one. Whilst huddled under a blanket Esther has an idea, possibly one ‘borrowed’ from an Adam Sandler film; Esther wants to enact VAR in everyday life…did you really put the toilet seat down? Finally, the merits of single sex or mixed schools - Giles and Esther make their pitch for; “The rest is education.”  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Alternative titles this week could have been ‘Massive Nuts’ or ‘Now imagine you’re on twitter, 16 and a bit thick.’ Anyway, how are you? Yes, you? All set for Christmas? I don’t know where the time goes, only seems two minutes since it was January. Care for a biscuit...? Giles and Esther are discussing small talk. It seems that some Gen Z's might need a helping hand with face-to-face communication. Sad face emoji.  They cover big talk as well with the autumn statement, eating disorders and anti-Semitic octopuses. Finally, they perform a graceful pirouette to discuss a trip to the ballet.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

An eclectic mix of men’s health, politics, literary theory, and superheroes this week.There is an unfortunate faecal air but fear not it is all in aid of cancer awareness, cinematic description or simply doing the Times’ dirty work. Giles ponders what kind of resignation letter he’d write, and Esther writes an ode to David Cameron.  Finally, the superhero is dead, long live the superhero…say hello to ‘The columnist!’ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Giles is feeling cut adrift, in the camp but not part of it, fearing the plight of a secular Jew is a rip off. With that conundrum left unanswered they try to help Barbra Streisand find some fun in her life.  Both agree it is more likely a good book by the fire then a private jet to see Katie Perry. Finally, a big shout out to our listeners in New Zealand – Kia Ora!  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

After a difficult few weeks Giles and Esther are back. Understandably the conversation begins with the ongoing conflict in the middle east, and its jarring contrast with the rest of life.Matters develop as the idea of emigrating emerges…well running away would be more accurate. But where to, that is the question; Cuba, New Zealand, Mumbai…?Finally, the ‘fruity’ language of Dominic Cummings…or is it Cummins? Is his lineage that of Campbell, Iannucci and Tucker? Or is he simply the result of unbearable frustration at pompous blobs…? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

As you might expect, this week is a difficult episode. Giles tries to make sense of events and his fluctuating reaction to them. There isn’t much room for levity but Snoop dog releasing a new wine and Esther's fear of bedbugs do there best to offer some light to a very dark week. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Giles and Esther take a pragmatic look at the Tory party conference and wonder what the pay off might be to go with many of the policy announcements. Neither are happy at the idea of doing maths until they’re eighteen, after all many of Giles’ friends from set four did very well without it, thank you very much. Exeter university are running a masters course on magic, you can imagine the reaction. The art of the citizen’s arrest…Giles has tried on more than one occasion and failed, and that was when he was young and fit, before he hit the male menopause. Maybe he’d batter take some time off work to recuperate. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Flying cars, white wine on tap and ash trays by the bath. What possible wonders could the future hold? Whatever they are Giles hopes to live to see them but is pretty sure even with flying cars their will still be gridlock in the skies. Boris and Carrie’s former nannie has hit the papers, demonstrating one of Esthers mottos, always pay the staff. And a man walks into a bar and the barman says: ”Are you sure you should be here?” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The subject of Russell Brand prompts Giles to ponder the merits of being a conspiracy theorist. Esther has been given the nod that comedians aren’t very good in bed, or is that just another conspiracy theory. Prime Minister Sunak is taken to task over his rolling back of the Conservative party green agenda and does Paris actually exist, at least the fetishised American version of it?  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Giles and Esther are back for series eleven. Giles is annoyed with, well, everything, but podcasts and restaurants in particular. For a man who makes his living from both it could be problematic.On the menu this week is the cost of restaurants, as Rich Stein is started charging for ketchup and Tom Kitchen is charging one hundred and seventy pounds for a Sunday lunch. Yes, one-hundred-and-seventy-pounds.  What makes a good Dad, a thick neck or a firm hand? Giles definitely ticks one box. A surprising take on twenty miles per hour zones. And Esther is very interested in banning things. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week’s pod was recorded on Wednesday morning, BEFORE Huw Edwards was named as the ‘mystery BBC presenter’ in question. As a result, Giles and Esther spend the first few minutes trying very hard to stay on the right side of libel law. Please do have a laugh at their (and Neil’s) expense as they walk a pointless tightrope. In other news; unique sounds, tennis is boring and for wusses and an alternate summer awaits.We’re off for a break. Hope to see you in September.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

G’day cobbers! Giles and Esther take a considered look at the ECB equality report; they then take a far less serious look at ‘cheating Aussie b**tards’. Is twitter dead Esther pulls on the thread to find out. After a short break it is a whistle stop tour of Wimbledon past and present, Debrett’s guide and puppy yoga before Giles heads off to practice his didgeridoo and Esther feeds the Kookaburras. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If you’re wondering what ‘bazball’ is Giles gives a mercifully short explanation before trying to apply it to life. Esther is preoccupied with various tall attractive fast bowlers.  They then discuss the perfect nap, the art of grifting and the sensitive subject of temperamental performers. Giles is very honest as he discusses how in the past, he earnt a reputation for being ‘difficult.’Giles and Esther are away next week. They’ll be back with a new pod in two weeks’ time. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What do ‘Carry On’ actor Bernard Bresslaw and American actress Zendaya have in common? Not much I imagine, but they do both appear in this week’s pod.Giles and Esther give their take on middle age, British AI and Johns Hopkins University’s definition of a lesbian. Giles decides to introduce Billy Bunter to cruciferous vegetables (no, me neither), and they consider if they have ever changed their own or anyone else’s mind, about anything, ever. To find out, have a listen. And if you like it, please do subscribe. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If I say ‘the Queen’ who do you think of? Camilla or Elizabeth? Esther makes the same mistake, but Giles is too busy thinking about ex girlfriends.  Is the Bible compatible with modern sensibilities? Giles and Esther have a stab at de-sexy-fi-ing it.They also tackle vet bills and Prince Harry before Giles decides to see what lurks at the back of the fridge. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Many subjects try, but many fail to pique Giles’ interest this week. Seagulls, sex lives and holidays are dismissed before German ablutions come close. Next, a motion by the always eager to please Liberal Democrats faces gallant failure. In the end it is an inadvertent sneeze that reveals the diamond in the rough…or the raspberry in the bush.Ick nicht auf vin pisser.Children that they are, Giles and Esther are on half term next week. Please do subscribe to the podcast and we’ll see you in two weeks. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Coming up on this morning’s show…. Esther and Giles make their long-awaited pitch to replace Holly and Phil on daytime TV. They prove their worth by tackling serious subjects such as long-term sickness. They tug on the heartstrings with an emotional story about Giles’ late father; they make the effortless gear change to a personal struggle about ADHD, before finally a bit of bouncy mid-morning relief as they demolish the wine tasting industry.A minor problem with a few indiscreet name drops, but nothing some tweety birds can’t fix.Hope you enjoy the show. We’ll be back next week with a man who built a replica of the Taj Mahal out of orange peel.   If you enjoy the podcast, please hit subscribe. Thank you. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Esther is shocked by a new book she is reading; Giles is shocked to hear that botox is ultimately a manifestation of a fear of death. They discuss the truth about getting old as a woman, and as a man, but more as a woman.Finally, it doesn’t take a 1st from Oxford to know that the kitchen is the heart of any home, but it seems our American cousins have only just figured this out. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Killed, plucked, and wrapped in plastic…not Esther’s Christmas present to Giles but the life of a farmed chicken. That is one of the subjects addressed in this week’s eclectic episode. Diets, saggy faces, a royal crush and mind reading also feature …oh and the coronation.Now, why did I come in here…and what’s my name…? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

With the coronation around the corner Giles considers the merits of republicanism…but not for long. In a stark example of modern day classism King Charles decides what he would like named after him while others are not even called my their own name.Seeking to better themselves Giles and Esther ponder how one properly navigates flatulence whilst receiving a knighthood? And why on earth would anyone want to dunk any biscuit more than once?If you like the podcast, please subscribe. If you do, we might give you a free Jaffa Cake. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If you wanna know if he loves you so its in his…laugh. Giles listens very carefully to Esthers giggles to see if she is still madly in love with him. Will a three year cruise restore the romance or perhaps an encounter with poet Alan Ginsberg? After some monkeying around Esther and Giles come to the rescue of some ramblers. Season 9 ends here. Seasons 10 begins after Easter. Thanks for listening.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.