Flying Free

Join us for a conversation with our special guest, Rebecca Davis, author of the “Untwisting Scriptures” series. Her latest book on brokenness and suffering is the topic of today’s conversation, and we answer questions like “Do you have to be broken to be a good Christian?” “Does God break us down like He breaks down the wicked?” “Is God like a gumball machine - you have to put something in to get something out?” Join us for today’s conversation. Read the show notes and/or ask Natalie a question hereRelated Resources:Get Rebecca’s free guide: “How to Enjoy the Bible Again After Spiritual Abuse (without feeling guilty or getting triggered out of your mind).”Check out Rebecca’s books: Book One: Untwisting Scriptures That Were Used to Tie You Up, Gag You, And Tangle Your Mind, Book Two: Patriarchy and Authority, Book Three: Your Words and Emotions, Book Four: Wolves, Hypocrisy, Sin-Leveling, and Righteousness, and Book Five: Brokenness and Suffering If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list. You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com.And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher.Rebecca Davis is the author of the Untwisting Scriptures series of books, designed to help those who have experienced spiritual abuse get to know the true heart of God. With over 40 years of study of the Scriptures, Rebecca writes to help Christians have a deeper understanding of the God and His love for them, to help those who have been abused find hope in the Lord Jesus Christ, and to help Christians better understand how they can help those in need. A mother of four and grandmother of four, Rebecca spends her days helping others write their Christian books; listening to, praying with, and discipling others; pondering and writing about the freedom, joy, and care we have in Jesus Christ; and of course, untwisting Scriptures. Rebecca has been married to Tim for almost 40 years. She enjoys group games with her adult children and imaginative play with her grandchildren.

“How in the world am I going to tell my kids that we’re getting divorced?” Kids + divorce = a tricky topic, but I want to help calm your fears. I want to show you some questions you can ask yourself as you contemplate this big conversation with your children, and let’s give you some practical ideas as you introduce this new change in all of your lives. Read the show notes and/or ask Natalie a question hereIf you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list. You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher.

Is it me? Shelly thought it WAS her for so many years. “I must be the problem in my confusing marriage.” Today, our episode chronicles the story of her marriage to her second husband, a covert emotionally abusive man who even went so far as to *almost* convince her that she had Borderline Personality Disorder. Listen in as Shelly shares how she went from stuck to flying free. Read the show notes and/or ask Natalie a question hereIf you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list. You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher.

Today I want to explore the four common responses people have when they have experienced or are experiencing something that is threatening or traumatic. In particular, I want to focus on the fawning response and how that relates to our view of and our relationship with God. Let’s break down our responses of fight, flight, fawn, and freeze, and then destroy the false, abusive version of the God that we may have in our minds. Read the show notes and/or ask Natalie a question hereIf you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list. You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher.

Today I’m answering some more listener questions, including, “What do I do when I love my abusive husband so much?” “Should I give my abusive husband resources and books to read about his abuse?” and “Can my abusive husband change?” I KNOW you’ve thought of that last question yourself, so stick around, and let’s have a conversation about these important topics. Key Points From This Episode:An analogy about Grown Man, Grown Woman, and Little Boy.How to break the cycle of abuse. Why leaving your books about emotional abuse lying around the house may not be the best idea. Why OCD, narcissism, and other personality disorders do not excuse abusive behavior. Read the show notes and/or ask Natalie a question hereIf you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list. You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher.

How do we help other women who are in emotionally abusive marriages? And how can the church help these women as well?In today’s episode, I’ll be answering a listener question about this very topic, and then I’m going to read you a letter I wrote to the church leadership at the church I was ultimately excommunicated from. This letter highlights sixteen ways that the church can reach out and support the emotionally abused woman instead of re-abusing her, which is all too common.Key Points From This Episode:Why holding space and allowing emotionally abused women to make their own decisions is so empowering for them. Why some women may choose to stay in their emotionally abusive marriage even if they don’t want to.My letter to the church leadership detailing the sixteen ways the church can support emotionally abused women in their congregation.One very practical way that you can help someone you know who is being emotionally abused today.Read the show notes and/or ask Natalie a question hereIf you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list. You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher.

What do I do when people disagree with my decisions? Can I get remarried if I get a divorce? What if other people don’t believe I’m being emotionally abused? What if they think I’m making a big deal out of nothing? How will I get help? These are the questions we’ll be diving into in today’s episode!Read the show notes and/or ask Natalie a question hereIf you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list. You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher.

Our relationships with our kids are important to us. We raised them from little babies and have deep connections with them, but when those relationships crumble, it can be devastating. Let’s answer some difficult questions about relationships with our kids and how we can navigate through them when our children disapprove of us and our decisions. Questions We Answer in this Episode:“My young teenager went to live with their dad because they were upset I initiated a divorce. Will I ever be able to be close to them again? “My ex is threatening to alienate my child. What do I do?”“My daughter cut me off from my grandchildren. What do you recommend I do?”“How do navigate relationships with my children when some support me and some don’t, and they are pitted against each other?” Read the show notes and/or ask Natalie a question hereIf you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list. You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher.

Today’s guest is Laurie Sullivan, a survivor of emotional abuse and sexual infidelity at the hands of her husband, a prominent leader in several churches they attended. Laurie outlines her story from getting married at age nineteen to a man she loathed in childhood to eventually finding freedom years later. Christ is at the center of Laurie’s story, showing Himself to her throughout her custody battle for her children and her third marriage to a good man. Listen in to this eventful story of Laurie’s journey out from abuse. Key Points From This Episode:Why Laurie married a man she was originally disgusted with.How a pencil and a taco can demonstrate the concept of gaslighting. Why dating someone for a long time doesn’t necessarily keep you safe from emotional abuse. Laurie’s second marriage is proof. Read the show notes and/or ask Natalie a question hereRelated Resources:Check out Laurie’s full story in her book, Married by Myself: Living a Parallel Life with a Man Hiding Behind the Cloth. Connect with Laurie on her website and on Facebook. My newest book, All the Scary Little Gods, is a spiritual memoir about healing from religious trauma and toxic programming. Are you wondering what is happening inside your own painful and confusing marriage? I wrote another book just for you called Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage: A Christian Woman’s Guide to Hidden Emotional and Spiritual Abuse. Flying Free is my online membership program designed for Christian women in emotionally abusive marriages. Whether you want to stay well in your marriage or leave, we want to equip and support you through this program.Flying Higher is my online membership program for divorced Christian women. Come rebuild your life after divorce with women just like you!Support the Flying Free podcast AND get in on monthly deep-dive discussions with podcast guests by joining the Flying Free Podcast Club for a $5 monthly donation HERE. (Members of Flying Free and Flying Higher can join these discussions FREE. Just reach out to me, [email protected], and we'll get you set up!) Born to two ministers, Laurie Sullivan was raised in faith that she embraced wholeheartedly at age four. Growing up with Jesus provided her a consciousness of God through every stage of development. She graduated from high school a year early and college with her B.S. degree in English Education to teach in her own classroom at 21. Nothing prepared her for the devastation ten months into her marriage to a youth minister, the man whose words and ambitions for Christ made her eyes shine with pride. Enter pornography, lies, deceit, young girls, and the murky waters of gaslighting. Now married and mother to eight, Nana to thirteen, she is a vibrant public speaker with a message of encouragement and hope to women who find themselves living a life they never dreamed of.

I’m finishing up a new book chronicling my relationship with myself and God through years of spiritual lies and emotional abuse. For the last few weeks I’ve been letting you into the creative process by sharing bits and pieces of my rough draft. Since the time of this recording, many things have already changed, and I’m excited to see how this book is transforming. I can’t wait to share the final version with you when it’s published in 2024. But for now, enjoy this last little sneak peek from Part 4 of my book: the part where I finally fly free. But just because I’m flying free now doesn’t mean my life is without heartbreak and challenges. Come listen to the story of my fight for freedom and some of the threads of my life that have made a major impact on me as an adult. Read the show notes and/or ask Natalie a question hereIf you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list. You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher.

I’m finishing up a new book chronicling my relationship with myself and God through years of spiritual lies and emotional abuse. Today’s episode is taken from part three where I begin to discover who I am, who God is, and what my responsibilities really are as I start to make my own life-altering decisions. Decisions that have changed my life in the best possible ways. Listen to part three and see if you can find yourself in my story. Read the show notes and/or ask Natalie a question hereIf you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list. You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher.

I’m finishing up a new book chronicling my relationship with God through years of spiritual lies and emotional abuse. Today I’m sharing a little bit of part two, this time written from the perspectives of different parts of me during my adult years. You’ll meet Freaked, Rosie, Melancholy, Rude, and more. If you’ve ever felt like part of you believes one thing and another part of you believes something completely different, rest assured, you aren’t alone!Read the show notes and/or ask Natalie a question hereIf you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list. You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher.

I recently finished writing the rough draft of a new book chronicling my relationship with God through years of spiritual lies and emotional abuse. Today, I’m sharing a little bit of part one, written from the perspective of my younger self. Read the show notes and/or ask Natalie a question hereIf you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list. You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher.

You’ve probably read countless books and articles about marriage, how to be a good Christian wife, but if you’re in an abusive marriage, I’m here to tell you that these reading materials probably don’t apply to you. Many of the authors writing them don’t have any knowledge regarding abuse in Christian marriages, so there are no caveats, exceptions, or words for those women who are struggling with an abusive spouse. In today’s episode, I take apart an article on marriage that I recently read to prove my point that these articles really are not made for women who are dealing with an emotional abuser. The article may be applicable for a woman in a normal, run-of-the-mill Christian marriage, but for those of you who don’t find yourselves in a marriage like that, this article is probably not going to be for you. Let’s talk about why. Key Points From This Episode:How I would read the article through the eyes of a woman in a “normal” marriage.A funny anecdote about socks on the floor. How I would read the article through the eyes of a woman in an emotionally abusive marriage.Satan’s main goal (and God’s main goal, too). Books and resources that ARE for women in emotionally abusive marriages. Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question hereIf you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list. You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher.

"Till death do us part." Those words haunt you. The enemy was supposed to be outside of your home and family. Easy to see. Protection just a prayer or a locked door away. But the one stealing from and killing and destroying you is the one you lie beside at night. The one you promised your forever to.And he's counting on it. You need to listen if:You're overcome with desperation to leave and consumed by guilt to stayYour husband is the greatest source of pain and harm in your lifeYou are responsible for everything, and you are constantly sacrificing your physical health, life dreams, and sanity to make your marriage work (to no avail)You've begun to wonder just how much of his behavior is intentional and whether he truly wants to destroy you, piece by pieceAccess the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here**Friedman's Fables by Edwin H. Friedman 1990. Copyright Guilford Press. Reprinted with permission of The Guilford PressIf you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list. You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher.

Jessica Nagy is joining us today to talk about how to raise children to be resilient, even when their dad is destructive. No matter if your kids are spending time alone with their dad at his house because you are separated or divorced or if they are spending time with their dad while you are present, there is a lot of trauma that comes with having an emotionally abusive dad, and we as moms need to know how to help our kids become resilient in the face of this trauma.In this episode, you will learn about co-regulation (you can regulate yourself right alongside your kids!), practical techniques to help your kids regulate their emotions and develop resilience, find out how to download a free PDF with even more resources, and more. If you are a mother who is also a survivor of emotional abuse, this episode is just for you.Key Points From This Episode:The story behind Mosaic Motherhood, Jessica’s website.Why kids actually aren’t as resilient as we may trick ourselves to believe they are. The reason why you probably won’t be able to get full custody of your kids (and how you can use your time and resources to prepare them for going over to their dad’s instead!)How to co-regulate and why it’s so important for your kids AND for you. Why healing ourselves and modeling healing work can be life-changing for your children. Why community is so vital for our families. Some good news: you only have to be a good enough parent 50% of the time (woot woot!)Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question hereRelated Resources:Check out Jessica’s website, Mosaic Motherhood. Get her free PDF download: “Four Keys to Raising Resilient Children.”If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-downloadYou can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.comJessica Nagy is a mom of two, a survivor, a Trauma Support Specialist, and an NLP Master Coach. Her passion is helping moms to build community and empower their children to navigate their destructive family systems. Jessica has been building communities for over twenty years across all of North America, in English and in Spanish. Her most recent project is Mosaic Motherhood, a community of warrior moms who are navigating co-parenting with a destructive individual.

In today’s episode, we are going to be talking about the deep sadness that survivors experience as they begin to wake up to their reality and see the truth about their relationship. I get it — I was there. It took me a while to truly wake up to my reality, and when I did, that reality hit me like a ton of bricks. It was painful. Let’s talk about noticing and normalizing our pain so that we can move from grief a bit more quickly than if we just stuffed it down, ignoring it and drowning it out. We all have pain — the question is, how are you going to deal with yours? Key Points From This Episode:Why it took me so long to accept the painful truth of my abusive marriage.Different ways you may grieve once you realize you are in an abusive marriage. A great burn analogy. How to notice and normalize our pain. The definition of “disenfranchised grief.” How I do my “grief work” now. Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question hereIf you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-downloadYou can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Cognitive dissonance seems like it would be a “bad” thing, right? It can actually be a very good thing, and vital to our growth! Take a deep breath - it’s okay if you’re experiencing cognitive dissonance. In this episode, I break down what cognitive dissonance really is, why women in emotionally abusive marriages may experience a lot of cognitive dissonance, how cognitive dissonance can help us create better, healthier thoughts, and I also share three fun illustrations of cognitive dissonance for all you listeners who love a good word picture. Ready? Let’s dive in. Key Points From This Episode:Three definitions of cognitive dissonance.Three reasons why we may not want to change what we believe or what we do. “Fear of pain” is the key phase here. Some examples of cognitive dissonance that I see every day in the women within my private membership program, Flying Free. Why changing our thinking can be so, so good. Three illustrations of cognitive dissonance and how we can choose the thoughts we want to believe. Why I delete the hate mail I get immediately, sometimes without even reading it. That was a fun rabbit trail. Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-downloadYou can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Let’s answer some more listener questions today! These questions include, “How do I respond to my husband who says that ‘Your body belongs to me, and you don't have any biblical grounds to say no when I want sex’?” “How can we continue to do the work of unraveling purity culture's effects if we're not in a healthy marriage?” and “What type of counselor should I be looking for?” If you’re looking for some Biblical truth, a *few* snarky comments, and some very practical advice, you’re looking in the right place. Key Points From This Episode:Some wise responses to an abusive husband who mistakenly believes that you owe him sex whenever he wants. A plethora of verses to combat the lie that “your body belongs to your husband.” How to unravel purity culture’s long-lasting effects on us while still in an abusive marriage. How to find a *good* counselor. Why it’s not your responsibility to find your abusive husband a counselor.Why people who are NOT in abusive marriages NEVER wonder, “Am I in an abusive marriage?” How to “break up” with your counselor. Spoiler alert: no sappy break-up letters necessary. Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-downloadYou can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Let’s get practical today. In this episode, I answer four listener questions by directing you to the best resources I can offer from the Flying Free Podcast. These questions range from “At what point do you refuse to have sex with your husband if he is emotionally abusive?” to “Any recommendations or resources as I go into divorce court?” After you listen to the episode, be sure to go down to the “Related Resources” section of the show notes to grab all the links to the podcast episodes that are recommended. They are absolute gems!Key Points From This Episode:How the Flying Free Sisterhood can help change your whole life. Every episode we’ve done with abuse survivors who are thriving on the other side of divorce.What “in-house” separation can look like.Why the Bible can’t possibly share EVERY practical answer we have ever looked for. Our best episodes on sex and abuse within marriage.Our key episodes on divorce and the whole hairy process. Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-downloadYou can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

When twelve women come together to write a book about rising above narcissistic abuse, you know they are a force to be reckoned with. Today’s episode is a sneak-peak into their stories and how they escaped their abusers, what their healing journey has been like since then, and more.Join Ina Johnson Meyers, her co-authors, and yours truly as we discuss red flags, how religion can keep you in bondage, and how these women gained the courage to leave their abusive situations. Spoiler alert: God is at the center of all of these women’s stories, and He wants to give you the courage to rise above narcissistic abuse, too. Key Points From This Episode:Why writing “Rising Above Narcissistic Abuse” was easy or difficult for each individual author. A conversation about red flags in relationships. Why listening to your body is so important. Setting boundaries with a narcissistic. What the breaking point was for some of these women when it came to leaving their abusive, narcissistic partner. Why relationship over religion is key. How the church can re-abuse victims. Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here Related Resources:Connect with Ina over email and check out her training course, books, and boutique, all at her convenient Linktree link. Check out their book “Rising Above Narcissistic Abuse.” If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-downloadYou can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Last week we explored the Myers-Briggs personality typology, and today we have a special guest, Stacey Wynn, talking with us about another personality typology: the Enneagram. Not only will the Enneagram inform you about who you are as a person and what motivates you, but it will also help point you toward where you can grow and develop.No matter what you’ve heard about the Enneagram in the past, come along for an authentic conversation about the history of the Enneagram, its benefits, and how it can help you heal after abuse.Key Points From This Episode:The history of the Enneagram and why we don’t need to fear it. Why the Enneagram is anything but a box for our personalities (and how we can grow within our Enneagram type!)How the Enneagram helped Stacey in her healing journey after her divorce. Why no one Enneagram type is more prone to finding themselves in an abusive situation than another type. How you can apply the Enneagram to your whole life — personal, professional, and spiritual.What your next steps could be if you are interested in learning more about the Enneagram.Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here Related Resources:Listen to Part One of this two-part series.Check out Stacey’s website, workbook, Facebook group, and Instagram all in one convenient place! Receive 10% off of Stacey’s iEQ9 Couples Report or Individual Report by using the code FLYFREE at checkout.If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-downloadYou can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.comStacey Wynn is an ICF Certified Coach (PCC) who works in both corporate and private practice. As a survivor of a destructive marriage, Stacey understands that one major hurdle we must jump over is re-engaging with who we are— with authenticity. The iEQ9 (Enneagram framework) assessment helps us build the vocabulary around our personal development, which starts with self-awareness. The iEQ9 provides a growth path for development that is helpful as each of us builds our unique path forward.Stacey brings 25 years of experience with Fortune 500 business operations leadership and 10+ years of private coaching expertise. As a coach and consultant, Stacey is known for bringing clarity to complex situations. She asks thought-provoking questions, maintains a calming presence, builds trust, and encourages authenticity and reflection. Stacey uses knowledge-based coaching techniques and is an expert resource for faith deconstruction work. Her published workbook, Deconstruction: Your Journey in Faith, is available on Amazon.Certifications include: Hogan Assessments, iEQ9/Enneagram, MBTI® (Myers-Briggs), Change Style Indicator® (CSI)

Who are you, really? And how do the different parts of you work together to create the whole you? What makes you tick? What makes you un-tick? (That’s not a word, but you know what I mean, right?)Our resident Myers-Briggs expert, Rebecca Ferris, is here to talk about how understanding your personality can help you unhook from abuse. This episode is jam-packed full of golden nuggets about what each letter in the Myers-Briggs system actually means, what those letters mean about you and how you function, and of course, how the topics of abuse and personality types meet and mingle. Even if you have never taken the Myers-Briggs test, you will absolutely fall in love with Becky and this whole “secret code” once the episode is over. If you would like to take the test either before or after the episode, we highly recommend taking it through Personality Hacker (for free!)Key Points From This Episode:Why the Myers-Briggs test is actually hard science as opposed to soft science.An explanation of what the terms “extroverted” and “introverted” actually mean.How Myers-Briggs helped Becky heal after years of abuse from her husband and church.Why certain personality types may be more prone to staying in an abusive environment for longer than they have to. A “fun” Myers-Briggs personality type and abuse study that will blow your mind with incredible stats. How to escape the box that your programming may have created for you. Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-downloadYou can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Have you ever been sitting in a women’s Bible study when all of a sudden the Bible study curriculum asks a leading question, taking the verses you just read completely out of context, and now you feel confused and upset but like you need to nod your head “yes” to the rubbish you just heard?Or have you ever wanted to leave your abusive marriage, but you find yourself continuously coming back to your abuser because 1. You feel bad for him 2. Your biblical counselor told you that you can’t leave and/or 3. You’re afraid God will punish you if you leave? You’re not alone in this battle. Come sit down and listen while I answer some listener questions in an episode that will teach you all about how to NOT twist the Bible, how to NOT take responsibility for your abuser’s emotions, and how to NOT resist change and pain. Because change and pain can be really, really good things. Key Points From This Episode:Why certain Bible study curriculum can be extremely harmful instead of helpful. A healthy interpretation of Psalm 15.Why our programming and beliefs dictate our feelings and actions.A red flag to look out for in a counselor. Why change and pain can be good things.The many reasons why God won’t “punish” you if you get a divorce.Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-downloadYou can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Covert abuse sneaks up on you. You may not recognize certain behaviors in your spouse as being abusive for days, weeks, months, or years, and even then, they can be hard to identify. That’s what makes covert abuse so incredibly painful, confusing, and hard to see, especially from the outside. Is your husband emotionally abusive, or does he just not know what it takes to be a good husband in a marriage? When does abuse become abuse — the first time, or after it is repeated many times over? If it’s just covert abuse and not overt, “obvious” abuse, does that even count as abuse, and should you just be patient with your husband? Let’s talk through each of these listener questions and more together. Key Points From This Episode:The difference between a healthy, good man, and an emotionally abusive man. Why abuse is still abuse, even the first time. The different masks that abusers put on to trick us and distract us from what is really going on. What emotional abandonment can look like and why it is abusive. Why the Flying Free Sisterhood may be able to help you if you are suffering from emotional abuse.Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-downloadYou can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

You deserve better. Your daughters deserve better. The women around you deserve better. She deserves better. This is a sentiment Sheila Wray Gregoire strongly believes in, and she is here today not only to introduce you to her new book, She Deserves Better, but to tell you exactly why you deserve better and how you can heal from the lies you grew up believing about purity culture, sex, modesty, men, and more.Join Natalie and Sheila as they discuss the harmful lies you were taught to believe, how you can heal, and how you can help raise the next generation to have a better chance at believing and living in the truth.Key Points From This Episode:Why She Deserves Better was written and the stats to back up the book. How purity culture was born (and why it’s a big bunch of lies squashed together because of fear and then fed to us and our children). How to help our children have high self-esteem. Why Christian women struggle with vaginismus at twice the rate of the general population. How She Deserves Better can help you reparent yourself. Why telling the truth to our children about sex is vital to their physical, mental, and emotional health. Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here Related Resources:Read She Deserves Better by Sheila Wray Gregoire not only to reparent yourself, but to help your daughters learn how to resist the toxic teachings surrounding sex, self, and speaking up. Connect with Sheila on her website, Bare Marriage. If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-downloadYou can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.comSheila Wray Gregoire is an author, podcaster, and researcher into evangelicalism and sex. The founder of baremarriage.com, together with her team she has surveyed over 32,000 people for her books The Great Sex Rescue and She Deserves Better. Her goal is to change the evangelical conversation about sex to be healthy, evidence-based, and rooted in Christ. A graduate of Queen’s University, she’s married to her husband Keith, a pediatrician, who writes and speaks with her.

Does your cluttered house ever make you feel crazy? And does it help to have a cluttered home on top of your cluttered brain from dealing with emotional abuse from your spouse all day? Probably not. Cue Dawn Madsen, The Minimal Mom. She is a declutterer extraordinaire, and if you want to learn a tip or two about how to keep your home tidy (and keep your brain tidy), you won’t want to miss listening to this episode.Let’s discuss the intersection between a destructive marriage and simplifying/decluttering (if you think it’s a far stretch, you might find that you are mistaken), some strategies to help you clean house, and so much more. Key Points From This Episode:What decluttering and emotional abuse have in common. Why there’s nothing wrong with you if you struggle to keep up with your house and the things in it. Strategies for how to lower the inventory in your home. What a “Time Will Tell Bin” is and how it will help you declutter. Why body-doubling can be so helpful as you clean and get things done around the home. Signs that you are in an emotionally abusive marriage. Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here Related Resources:Go explore Dawn’s YouTube channel, The Minimal Mom, for some free decluttering content. While you’re at it, take a look at her website, as well as her workbook, How to Declutter Your Home in 15 Minutes a Day (only 15 minutes?!) and her devotional, Decluttering by Faith. If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-downloadYou can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

It’s about time we talked about purity culture, and I’ve brought in an expert, Dr. Camden, to help us do it. Purity culture has harmed many people in many different ways, and we need to discuss what the effects of purity culture are on Christians and how we can heal from the negative impact that it has had.Let’s break down the three main ways that purity culture has impacted people (faith, sexuality, and relationships), what we can do to heal from those wounds, and how we can view sex in a healthy way moving forward. Key Points From This Episode:The definition of purity culture.How purity culture has affected women (and men) in many negative ways. Why purity culture caused Dr. Camden to have to deconstruct her faith (the roots run deep, people). Why people who grew up in purity culture may lack appropriate sex education. What purity culture has done to impact the relationship between women and men. The link between purity culture and the patriarchy. Why we don’t have to swing the opposite direction of purity culture and teach our children to run rampant and have sex whenever they want. Finally, how to find healing from purity culture. (Are you getting sick of hearing me say “purity culture” yet?)Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here Related Resources:Take Dr. Camden’s free quiz, “Which Purity Culture Myth Affects You?”Explore her website and the resources she has to offer, including countless articles, her coaching practice, and more.If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-downloadYou can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.comDr. Camden Morgante is a licensed clinical psychologist and former college professor. She writes and speaks about relationships, sexuality, and faith and is a regular contributor to Christians for Biblical Equality’s blog, Mutuality. She is currently writing a book on the myths of purity culture. Camden also provides coaching services for purity culture recovery, egalitarianism, and faith reconstruction. Camden lives in Knoxville, TN with her husband and their daughter and son.

Note: This episode is a repost of Episode 84. It was too good not to share again with some of our newer listeners who weren’t around way back then! Please enjoy this interview with Wendy Hernandez.What if I lose my kids? How can I stand up for myself in the process of divorce when my husband seems to hold all the cards? How will I keep it together as I climb this ladder out of hell? These questions haunt women in abusive marriages who want to escape. They wonder how to even begin to prepare for a custody case.There is hope and there are answers.In this episode, Wendy Hernandez, a Phoenix family law attorney, divorce coach, founder of the Hernandez Family Law Firm, and creator of the Command the Courtroom YouTube channel and online programs, covers several critical topics for divorcing women. Key Points From This Episode:Why the fear of losing your kids is based on lies/misconceptions.The kind of documentation and questions you should have, before or while you are using a lawyer (including how to find a good one or deal with a bad one).How EMPOWERING divorce can be as you set boundaries for a NEW life… of HOPE!Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here Related Resources:Explore Wendy’s YouTube Channel, Command the Courtroom.Access her FREE Best Interests Checklist on her website.Sign up for the Twenty-One Day Child Custody Challenge to help you along as you navigate custody issues during the divorce process.If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-downloadYou can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.comHaving tried over 1,000 cases during her twenty-seven years as a litigator, Wendy is a courtroom warrior who has tackled every type of family law matter — from divorce to child custody and everything in between. Sharing secrets learned from the country’s top law professors at the University of Notre Dame Law School and during her battles on the family law front lines, Wendy is passionate about helping not only her clients, but also those representing themselves, to feel competent, confident and comfortable in the courtroom.

Have you ever considered getting a divorce, but the process is so foreign to you that you feel like shutting down when the thought crosses your mind? It can feel big, unfamiliar, and overwhelming. I want to help break it down for you in eight steps so you’ll have an overview of what it’s like and how to prepare. Let’s talk about picking an attorney, what the paperwork might look like, how your soon-to-be-ex might respond, what mediation looks like, and more. Divorce does not have to be scary and can actually be life-saving for you and your family.Key Points From This Episode:What retaining legal representation may look like. Why your soon-to-be-ex may drag things along during the divorce process.What the heck “pendente lite” orders are. Latin may not be your strong suit - let me help. How to prevent yourself from being financially abused throughout the divorce. What “horse trading” might look like as you equally split your assets. Why your soon-to-be-ex may have renewed interest in spending more time with your kids as the divorce process starts. Why you’ll want to join the Flying Free Sisterhood after this episode is over.Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-downloadYou can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Rhonda is here to give you all the advice on all things having to do with finances plus divorce. Money and divorce can be a tricky, scary topic, but our expert today wants to provide you with tips, tricks, and guidance on how to make the divorce process that much easier.You’ll learn about how to build credit, how to create a support team of people around you, how to be your own private investigator, and so much more in this informative episode with Rhonda Noordyk, certified divorce financial analyst. Key Points From This Episode:The reasons why finances in a divorce are NOT black and white.The one financial question that keeps women stuck in an abusive relationship. Seven things you can do to financially prepare yourself for divorce.Why accepting that the person you married is not who you thought he was can be a helpful mindset as you walk through your divorce. Why someone going through a divorce should hire a certified divorce financial analyst (and why it will actually help you keep money instead of lose it).What the DAM method is and how to avoid it.The Bridge Method course, and how it can help you financially as you walk through your divorce, step-by-step.Related Resources:Get Rhonda's FREE Divorce Strategy Mini-Course HERE.Want another podcast to listen to? Don’t miss out on Rhonda’s, Divorce Conversations for Women.If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-downloadYou can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.comRhonda Noordyk is a certified divorce financial analyst who founded The Women’s Financial Wellness Center in 2014. Her mission is to help reduce financial vulnerability for women going through divorce. She has impacted thousands of women through her signature coaching and consulting process– as well as her podcast called Divorce Conversations for Women.

Does the Bible tell women that they need to stay with their abusive husband in the hope that her good behavior and great example will convert him? And how in the world are you supposed to respond to church leadership when they tell you that you need to submit to them? Let’s look to the Bible for answers to these tough questions (that I bet have crossed your mind once or twice!) and find out what Jesus wants for women who are being oppressed in these various ways. Key Points From This Episode:How deconstructing an abusive faith brings healing and freedom.Why we don’t have to agree with everything someone says, even if we really respect them and love their content. (I’m including myself in this, people. You don’t have to agree with everything I say! I don’t even believe that it’s healthy to do so.)Who Paul is talking to and in what context in 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 (and why those verses don’t apply to abusive marriages). Explaining the facts: There is no other authority in the church of Jesus Christ other than Jesus Christ. Why your church leaders may not be operating under the authority of Christ if they demand that you submit to them. Why your body and its reactions can serve as a vital piece of information for your brain about the people you’re around and the environment you’re in. The reason why you get to decide what authority you submit to and follow. Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-downloadYou can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Have you experienced being discarded by your husband, either emotionally or physically? Yvette Stone has experienced both. Being discarded is a pain that cuts so deep, even the strongest person is not immune to it. Yvette is here to tell us about her life story, from marrying her narcissistic abuser at nineteen to thriving as a trauma-informed psychotherapist who now helps other women just like her. Just like you. Join us as she tells her incredible story of healing. Key Points From This Episode:What a narcissistic abusive relationship is.Why it’s fair to say that everyone is on the narcissistic spectrum. What the phrase “deflated narcissistic tendencies” means.How Yvette found out that she was dealing with a narcissistic husband.How Yvette’s husband packed up and left after a year of marriage (and how they “made up” and spent the next twenty-some years together). Yvette’s journey back to school and the repercussions that caused in her marriage.How Yvette was served divorce papers at the end of her two decades of marriage without even a single conversation about divorce. Talk about discard. The hardest part about healing and the best part about healing from a narcissistic abusive relationship. Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here Related Resources:Connect with Yvette on her website. If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-downloadYou can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.comYvette Stone is a human, both being and doing. A former magazine publisher, Yvette changed careers midlife and now practices as a trauma-informed psychotherapist and life coach based in Seattle, Washington, specializing in helping women recover from domestic violence, particularly narcissistic abuse. Yvette earned her degree from The Seattle School of Theology and Psychology, and has worked as a Fellow at the Allender Center, and as an advocate with Northwest Family Life. In her free time, you can find her holding a one-sided conversation with her dog, doing some sort of intense workout, painting a portrait, reveling in paradox, or dreaming of her next great challenge.

Marriage intensives: What are they? Do they work? Are they worth the money? Can a marriage intensive change an abuser? I get these questions often, and I asked the same questions myself. In fact, I believed in marriage intensives so fully that I spent $7,500 just for a man to take pictures of my angry face and talk about his own practice and family for one-third of the time. (Need context? Me too, girl. Go listen to the episode!)Let’s discuss whether a marriage intensive is helpful when dealing with an abusive husband, whether it helped my marriage personally, and then some things you can do without spending $7,500 to “save” your marriage. I’ve got a list. A very fun list. Key Points From This Episode:Why God doesn’t just change our abusive husbands. How doing your own healing work and having your own back is going to level-up your life. My own experience with marriage intensives. Finally, the answer to the age-old question: “Do marriage intensives work?” and why I believe they do or don’t in certain situations. A list of ten ways to save your marriage that I found off of google, and why these strategies don’t work when you’re dealing with an abuser. My personal, fun list of ten ways to “save” your marriage when dealing with an abuser. (You’ll just be a shell of yourself after following this list for the rest of your life. No biggie.)Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-downloadYou can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Annette Oltmans is here to help us better understand reactive abuse and reabuse. After having personal experience with an emotionally abusive husband and reabuse from her church and therapists, she is on a mission to help other women in similar situations. Let’s dive into the messiness surrounding reactive abuse, what we can do to protect ourselves from reabuse, and how we can heal. Key Points From This Episode:What reactive abuse is, what causes it, and why “reactive defense” might be a better term.What mutual abuse is (and why it’s is actually a myth).Why having a therapist who is an expert in the field of domestic violence is critical to your healing (and helps you avoid reabuse). Different forms of reabuse, also known as “double abuse.”Why reabuse can cause C-PTSD. How to avoid reactive abuse and reabuse. What Vietnam War veterans and you have in common. Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here Related Resources:Annette has some excellent articles on her site that you don’t want to miss, including “What Most Miss About Reactive Abuse,” “Overt vs. Covert Behaviors (Relationship Examples),” and the one she mentioned in today’s episode, “How to Choose a Therapist for Your Troubled Relationship.” If you’re in a difficult or abusive marriage or relationship, gain the clarity to navigate out of the maze of confusion and experience healing by joining M3ND’s relationship conflict course. Use the code FLYINGFREE at checkout for 25% off!If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-downloadYou can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.comAnnette Oltmans is a celebrated author, speaker and founder of The M3ND Project, (TMP), a 501c3 organization dedicated to educating victims/survivors, therapists, faith leaders, and other responders on hidden emotional abuse and double abuse. Her personal experience with prolonged emotional abuse in her marriage and double abuse by therapists and faith leaders, along with her extensive field research and journey toward recovery, led her to develop training curricula, tools, and resources that comprehensively address these topics.

Are we unconditionally loved by God or not? How you answer that question will play a role in how you live your life. Key Points From This Episode:Why Natalie relates to our listener’s anxiety over this topic.Why Natalie thought her own mother’s treatment of her was how God must treat her, too. Spoiler alert: This was not a fair comparison.How spiritualizing everything can be detrimental to your emotional and mental well-being.Why believing that everyone else who is in “authority” over you is speaking the words of God can lead to some serious spiritual abuse. The difference in believing that God’s love is not unconditional versus believing that His love is unconditional, and the fruits that appear in our lives due to each belief. How your programming about God determines what you will find in the Bible. Our conclusion (another spoiler alert): God’s love is not weak, and you are not a problem that His love can’t handle. God is not like people, and His love isn’t, either.Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-downloadYou can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

What does showing up for your children mean once they are adults? It is selfish to “let them go,” make mistakes, and struggle as they make their own way in the world? Also, why in the world would an abuser file for divorce from his victim? Isn’t it usually the other way around?Natalie is back answering listener questions, and her insights will encourage and support you.Key Points From This Episode:Why you aren’t selfish for refusing to take responsibility for your adult children.The differences between emotional childhood and emotional adulthood.Strategies for how you can support and help your adult children while still maintaining healthy boundaries.Why an abuser may file for divorce before you do.Why disregarding your abuser’s motives and instead focusing on your own rebuilding is critical. Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-downloadYou can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Have you ever wondered what divorce would be like from the perspective of a teenager? The members in my private program, Flying Free, asked my daughter, Aimee, a ton of questions about her experience with divorce as a teenage girl. We’re here today to answer all of them: the awkward, the hilarious, and the intense.Aimee was fourteen-years-old when my ex and I separated and seventeen-years-old when we were (finally) officially divorced. She was in her teenage-prime. But she made it through to the other side and is now a thriving, mildly successful young adult (her words, not mine). She knows a thing or two about being a teenager living through divorce, things we might not know as moms of kids. Listen as we riff about what this experience was like for her as she grew up.Just a few of the questions you’ll see in today’s episode: My adult daughter says she feels shame over her parents' divorce. Would you agree? Did you feel shame over your parents' divorce?”When adult children know deep down that their father was emotionally abusive to their mother, why do they tend to blame the mother for dissolving the marriage?Do you think you were treated like you were too fragile to handle the truth of divorce, or do you think you weren't shielded enough?Have you been in any kind of therapy, and if so, what kind and did it help?Did you side with one parent over another, and if so, what influenced that decision?How did your parents' separation impact your relationship with your brothers and sisters at the time that they first separated, and then how has that changed over time?When should a parent start putting teens into counseling?Do you still grieve the divorce as an adult, and do you think your siblings do?What do you do when you know your father's behavior is wrong, but you still love him?Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-downloadYou can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

It’s not often that we get a listener question from a man, and less often that we actually answer it. But today’s question of, “Should I continue to hold out hope for my marriage after abusing my wife? Should I fight for my wife? And what, in your opinion, does that look like?” struck me as being a question that we could all benefit from, so I’m going to give you my honest answer and hopefully help all of the women in this community as well as this seemingly well-intentioned man.Let’s talk about what taking responsibility looks like, why advocates and victims of emotional abuse using sarcasm and satire to make their points, how abusers who want to change and actually love their wives can do that well (hint: it isn’t by trying to stay in power and control over the wife), and why my book may help you figure out if you are in an abusive marriage. Key Points From This Episode:What taking responsibility for your actions may look likeWhat triggers abusers and how an abuser’s mind thinksThe best way an abuser can “fight” for their marriage (if they truly have changed)What the secret ingredient to a healthy marriage isWhy giving your wife an amazing divorce may be the best way to show her that you love her A run-down of my book and why it may be helpful for you as you figure out if you are in an emotionally abusive marriageAccess the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-downloadYou can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Learn about one of the fastest growing and most effective healing modalities in the therapy world right now—and how it can change YOUR life!Internal Family Systems (IFS for short) may change the way you think about yourself, God, others, and your whole life (in a good way!) Professional therapist Jenna Riemersma and I talk about IFS, how it ties into our faith, where we can find IFS in the Bible, and why IFS can be incredibly helpful as we learn how to break free and move forward from emotional and spiritual abuse. IFS changed the trajectory of Jenna’s life, and it can do the same for you.If you are looking for healing, a deeper connection with God, a deeper connection with yourself, and a deeper love for yourself, this episode is for you. Let’s learn more about ourselves, others, and God as we explore the precious “family” that lives inside of us. Key Points From This Episode:What Internal Family Systems is and where it originated fromWhat job each separate part of us has, and why they are importantWhere we can find IFS in the Bible and how it ties into our faithHow IFS can not only help us connect with God, but can help us find God inside of ourselvesHow IFS can help us heal from emotional and spiritual abuseAccess the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here Related Resources:Read the book that kick-started this interview, Altogether You. Jenna’s website has all kinds of incredible resources, including meditations to help you explore different parts inside of you, IFS apps, books, and workshopsMy newest book, All the Scary Little Gods, is a spiritual memoir about healing from religious trauma and toxic programming. Are you wondering what is happening inside your own painful and confusing marriage? I wrote another book just for you called Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage: A Christian Woman’s Guide to Hidden Emotional and Spiritual Abuse. Flying Free is my online membership program designed for Christian women in emotionally abusive marriages. Whether you want to stay well in your marriage or leave, we want to equip and support you through this program.Flying Higher is my online membership program for divorced Christian women. Come rebuild your life after divorce with women just like you!Support the Flying Free podcast AND get in on monthly deep-dive discussions with podcast guests by joining the Flying Free Podcast Club for a $5 monthly donation HERE. (Members of Flying Free and Flying Higher can join these discussions FREE. Just reach out to me, [email protected], and we'll get you set up!) Jenna Riemersma is a Harvard-educated innovator and therapist, and is the founder and clinical director of the Atlanta Center for Relational Healing. By bringing together the best of cutting-edge neuroscience, clinical treatment and spirituality, she’s created a dynamic paradigm shift from mental illness to mental fitness, and is on a quest to make spiritual and emotional wellness widely accessible. Jenna’s #1 best selling book, Altogether You, integrates spirituality and a parts-based awareness of human suffering that offers compassionate, practical hope for today’s skyrocketing rates of overwhelm, anxiety and depression.

There’s a lot of confusion surrounding the term “codependency.” Is codependency bad? Am I codependent? How do I know? And what can I do differently if I want to break some of my codependent habits? In this episode, I break down eighteen different codependent thoughts and beliefs that many Christian women are taught. I also explore nine codependent “rules” that abusers and abusive religious communities hold us to that create codependence in us, and then I systematically explain why they are flawed and how we can change our thoughts surrounding them.We are not stuck in codependency. Let’s learn how to break free from the rules and regulations that keep us in codependent cycles.Key Points From This Episode:Eighteen codependent behaviors or beliefs, and how I have related to them in the past (and why you might, too)Nine crazy codependent rules that oppressive systems force on their victimsWhy those rules are flawed and how to think about them through a different lensWhy we shouldn’t beat ourselves up if we find ourselves stuck in codependenceAccess the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-downloadYou can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Have you ever wondered what Genesis 3:16 really means? Or perhaps your abuser is accusing you of forcing him into a transactional relationship simply because you’ve set down some boundaries he doesn’t like? How do we deal with these tough questions? In this episode, Natalie answers these questions by getting into the nitty gritty of Genesis 3:16, why we can trust ourselves, how not to get hooked in our abuser’s little game, and more. Let’s get out of the guilt and shame loop together. Key Points From This Episode:Our first listener question: “What does Genesis 3:16 really mean?” (4:01)The revelation that the Bible is a starter log of a fire, but the actual fire is… listen and find out!The Holy Spirit lives inside of YOU. He gives YOU wisdom too!Why men probably don’t want to let go of their power and control in the world just yet. Listener question number two: “Does setting a boundary now mean we have a transactional relationship?” (20:58)How to not get hooked back into the crazy game abusers like to play (and what that game is).What do we do with comments that are designed to trigger our guilt and shame?Remember, just because your abuser says that you're mean doesn't actually mean you're mean. (But what DOES it mean?)Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-downloadYou can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Modern Christianity tends to champion Bible worship over Christ worship, and in this episode, we are joined by Keith Giles to discuss the implications of essentially replacing Christ with the Bible. Keith is a former pastor who “left the pulpit to follow Jesus.” He is the author of notable books such as Sola Mysterium, Jesus Unbound, and Jesus Undefeated, the podcast host of Heretic Happy Hour, Apostates Anonymous, and Second Cup with Keith, and is the Founder of the Square 1 Community. Having been self-taught, Keith has insight into what isn’t being taught in seminary school, and in our conversation, he explains the difference between education and indoctrination, as well as that between faith and certainty. He breaks down the Jesus-centric approach to scripture and what it truly means when it’s said that scripture is God-breathed. Tune in to hear Keith’s take on the fallibility of humans and the Christ-centric way we should approach the Bible.Key Points From This Episode:The implications of the Bible becoming the modern Christian’s God.The danger of indoctrination in seminary school. The difference between education and indoctrination.The undeniable mystery of God.The difference between faith and certainty.The heresy of replacing Christ with the Bible.Keith breaks down Timothy 3:16, “All Scripture is God-breathed…”The importance of considering human fallibility when approaching the Bible.The Anabaptists’ Jesus-centric approach to scripture.Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here Related Resources:A few of Keith’s books: Sola Mysterium, Jesus Unbound, and Jesus Undefeated.Keith’s numerous podcasts: Heretic Happy Hour, Apostates Anonymous, and Second Cup with Keith.My newest book, All the Scary Little Gods, is a spiritual memoir about healing from religious trauma and toxic programming. Are you wondering what is happening inside your own painful and confusing marriage? I wrote another book just for you called Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage: A Christian Woman’s Guide to Hidden Emotional and Spiritual Abuse. Flying Free is my online membership program designed for Christian women in emotionally abusive marriages. Whether you want to stay well in your marriage or leave, we want to equip and support you through this program.Flying Higher is my online membership program for divorced Christian women. Come rebuild your life after divorce with women just like you!Support the Flying Free podcast AND get in on monthly deep-dive discussions with podcast guests by joining the Flying Free Podcast Club for a $5 monthly donation HERE. (Members of Flying Free and Flying Higher can join these discussions FREE. Just reach out to me, [email protected], and we'll get you set up!) Keith Giles is a former pastor who left the pulpit to follow Jesus and started a church 12 years ago with his family that gave away 100% of the offering to the poor in the community. He has authored numerous books, including Sola Mysterium, Jesus Unbound, and Jesus Undefeated. He is also the co-host for the Heretic Happy Hour Podcast. (Their slogan is “Burning Questions, Not People” )

Are you ready to deal with the things you’ve been avoiding and find out how to get unstuck? Joining us today on Flying Free is the incredible speaker, therapist, and author of The Science of Stuck, Britt Frank. Through Britt’s abusive relationship, substance abuse, and spiritual challenges she has learned that mental health is a commitment to reality. In this episode, we discuss why Britt wrote her book, the role of anxiety in our lives, why we have to be distinguished about our language use when talking about anxiety, fear, and worry, and why so many people choose to stay in abusive relationships for the benefits. There’s no such thing as an overreaction, only mismatched reactions, and Britt talks us through how to handle freeze response, manage panic attacks, and acknowledge shadow intelligence to become conscious decision-makers in our lives. Finally, we discuss why forgiveness is not essential to healing. Don’t miss out on this incredibly informative conversation!Key Points From This Episode:An overview of Britt’s book and why she wrote it. The unique summaries, dos and don’ts, and five-minute challenges Britt included at the end of every chapter and why. Why Britt believes that we need anxiety in order for our lives to work. The differences between anxiety, fear, and worry, and why we need to identify when we are experiencing them in order to access our choices. Why the uncomfortable truth is always better than a shiny lie. The rewards and benefits of staying stuck and why you need to rescue yourself. An example of one of the five-minute challenges in Britt’s book. What shadow intelligence is and how we can make our unconscious conscious. What Britt would say to survivors who have given up and why they are not unmotivated; their brains are stuck in a freeze response. Why forgiveness is not required to heal trauma and create new brain pathways and why it’s not possible when you are in fight or flight mode. Emotional adulthood vs. emotional childhood and why your reactions need to be matched to the action and situation. Britt’s beautiful reframing of panic attacks. Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here Related Resources:Britt’s book, which is one of my top three books I read in 2022: The Science of Stuck.Britt’s website, The Science of Stuck.My newest book, All the Scary Little Gods, is a spiritual memoir about healing from religious trauma and toxic programming. Are you wondering what is happening inside your own painful and confusing marriage? I wrote another book just for you called Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage: A Christian Woman’s Guide to Hidden Emotional and Spiritual Abuse. Flying Free is my online membership program designed for Christian women in emotionally abusive marriages. Whether you want to stay well in your marriage or leave, we want to equip and support you through this program.Flying Higher is my online membership program for divorced Christian women. Come rebuild your life after divorce with women just like you!Support the Flying Free podcast AND get in on monthly deep-dive discussions with podcast guests by joining the Flying Free Podcast Club for a $5 monthly donation HERE. (Members of Flying Free and Flying Higher can join these discussions FREE. Just reach out to me, [email protected], and we'll get you set up!) Britt Frank, MSW, LSCSW, SEP is a clinician, educator and trauma specialist. She speaks and writes widely about the mental health myths that keep us stuck and stressed. Britt received her BA from Duke University and her MSW from the University of Kansas, where she later became an award winning adjunct professor. She is a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and Level 3 trained in the Internal Family Systems therapeutic model. Britt was a primary therapist at a drug and alcohol treatment center, an inpatient therapist at a children’s psychiatric hospital, and now owns a private practice. You can find Britt on Instagram or on her website www.scienceofstuck.com.

The holiday season can be a very emotional time. While it’s festive and fun for many people, this time of the year isn’t necessarily a happy or carefree period for everyone. Last week, we answered some questions posed by our Flying Free community about how to get through the holidays when life feels like it’s falling apart. In fact, we received so many questions from the women in our program that we decided to make this into a two-part series. Tuning in today, you’ll receive some heartfelt advice for moving past holiday guilt and shame, standing your sacred ground despite nasty comments, navigating gift-giving in a way that aligns with your core values, and more. We also offer you some valuable tools and strategies, including questions to ask yourself to help you shift your thinking and show up with love and joy in the present moment. Join us for more tips about creating a space of peace amidst the chaos! Key Points From This Episode:Overcoming holiday guilt by addressing core beliefs and programming.Journal prompts you can use to help you shake up your thinking.Reconciling shame without overcompensating.How to regulate your emotions by examining your thoughts.Why you can’t fix the past, only relish the present and show up with love.Ways to take back your power and love yourself despite negative comments.How therapy helps you regain control of your healing journey.Making peace with filing for divorce during the holidays.To gift or not to gift?Tips for negotiating awkward or emotionally difficult holiday functions.How to create your own space of peace and rest amidst the chaos.Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-downloadYou can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

The holiday season can be bittersweet, imbued with magic and pain in equal parts. For many people, it can be a very emotional time, with all the Christmassy sounds and smells unearthing memories from the depths of their childhoods. It’s important to be kind to ourselves during this time, and in this episode, we’re tackling some of the questions posed by our Flying Free community in order to equip you to make the most of the holidays! Tune in for advice on how to honor healing and pain while making space for joy, how to prepare your kids for new traditions amidst the changes in their lives, and how to remain unaffected by others’ bad humor, as well as how to manage loneliness, and more. If you’re at a loss about how to keep the Christmas spirit going for you and your family, we also share some examples of fun new Christmas traditions for you to try out. We hope you’ll join us today!Key Points From This Episode:The mixed emotions brought on by the holiday season. Clean pain versus dirty pain.How to honor clean pain or grief while making space for joy in the Christmas season.Tips for remaining unaffected by the bad humor of those around you.How to prepare the kids for their first Christmas post-divorce.Examples of fun new Christmas traditions. How to continue the process of healing in the midst of holiday stress.The journey of healing.How to make the most of your Christmas!How to deal with feelings of loneliness during the holidays.The key to healing core shame.Tips for becoming a good friend to yourself.Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-downloadYou can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Is abuse more widespread than ever before or are we more aware of it? Are churches listening to the cries of abused women? Is anything getting better?I’m joined by advocates Sarah McDugal, Ngina Otiende, and Gretchen Baskerville, and my former podcast sidekick Rachel Harden as we celebrate the 200th Flying Free podcast episode and discuss the incredible support and awareness that’s growing in the Christian survivor community. We believe the tide is changing, and every single survivor is part of a growing wave of truth tellers, critical thinkers, and courageous voices.Our take on the past decade:What advocates are supposed to be doing (it ain’t “telling you what to do”)Why civil wars are never started by the people in powerThe real reason “theo bros” are running scaredHow the data showing divorce saves lives is making a difference (even in conservative circles)Why airing dirty laundry is a good thing (including getting rid of stinkiness)The incredible things we’ve observed about younger generationsWhy we have a lot of hope for the church, abused women, and the futureAccess the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here Related Resources:Sarah McDugal is co-founder of Wilderness to WILD and the TraumaMAMAs mobile app.Ngina Otiende is a certified marriage coach, author, and blogger. Check out her website at Intentional Today.Gretchen Baskerville is a legend in the survivor community. Her book blows the lid off the lies most Christian women are told about divorce, and her website is a perpetual explosion of truth bombs. Check out The Life-Saving Divorce.My newest book, All the Scary Little Gods, is a spiritual memoir about healing from religious trauma and toxic programming. Are you wondering what is happening inside your own painful and confusing marriage? I wrote another book just for you called Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage: A Christian Woman’s Guide to Hidden Emotional and Spiritual Abuse. Flying Free is my online membership program designed for Christian women in emotionally abusive marriages. Whether you want to stay well in your marriage or leave, we want to equip and support you through this program.Flying Higher is my online membership program for divorced Christian women. Come rebuild your life after divorce with women just like you!Support the Flying Free podcast AND get in on monthly deep-dive discussions with podcast guests by joining the Flying Free Podcast Club for a $5 monthly donation HERE. (Members of Flying Free and Flying Higher can join these discussions FREE. Just reach out to me, [email protected], and we'll get you set up!)

Would you play a card game with a cheater? Once maybe, right? Then, it’s a solid H-E-double-hockey-stick no. What about for a month? A year? Five years? Twenty?Would you tell your daughter to play with a cheater? Your best friend?I’m gonna guess the answer is “abso-freaking-lutely not!”So why do we think we “owe” a husband who has shown himself to be abusive any more of our precious time?In this episode, I answer listener questions:Should you give more time to an abusive husband if you “knew better” (you were married to an abuser before and thought you’d chosen better this time)?Should you give more time to an abusive husband if you realized what he was shortly after getting married?What are some really covert emotional abuse tactics that may not be obvious in a short-term relationship?Which person do you need to be in love with once you start dating/considering marriage again? (It’s not the person with a wiener.)Why is self-love stupid, selfish, and unbiblical? (Risks of believing this include but are not limited to getting run over again and again by other people until you’re almost dead and spending years of your life feeling miserable)When and why should you share your “side of the story” with others?Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-downloadYou can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Learning about emotional and spiritual abuse is dangerous. You start to see patterns in your marriage, your family, your friendships, your church…and your faith. You start to understand why God often doesn’t feel safe. Why you feel like a constant disappointment. A regular failure. A busted, broken, rejection-worthy woman. You were taught that God is love…And that God wants (and demands) perfection. That he loves you IN SPITE of you. That he has to look at Jesus to accept you. That negative emotions are a sign you’re in sin. And a high self-esteem (not hating yourself) is a sign you’re in other sin. That you deserve punishment even when you’re giving 100% to please him. There’s no winning……Until we explore the core of how we approach EVERY relationship in our lives: through attachment style. Krispin Mayfield and I explore healing our attachment to God:Why your faith struggles are likely not a lack of character but a result of poor theology (that you had no choice in learning)What attachment theory is and the three types of attachmentHow the three attachment types play out (with examples)A horrifying experiment that explains a lot of our freak-outsThe connection between self-loathing and pleasing God (in most Christian communities)What’s so magical about getting things right only 30% of the timeResources for healing your attachment to God (see below)Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question hereKrispin’s amazing book that I couldn’t put down: Attached to God: A Practical Guide to Deeper Spiritual Experience.Krispin’s podcast: Prophetic Imagination Station.My newest book, All the Scary Little Gods, is a spiritual memoir about healing from religious trauma and toxic programming. Are you wondering what is happening inside your own painful and confusing marriage? I wrote another book just for you called Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage: A Christian Woman’s Guide to Hidden Emotional and Spiritual Abuse. Flying Free is my online membership program designed for Christian women in emotionally abusive marriages. Whether you want to stay well in your marriage or leave, we want to equip and support you through this program.Flying Higher is my online membership program for divorced Christian women. Come rebuild your life after divorce with women just like you!Support the Flying Free podcast AND get in on monthly deep-dive discussions with podcast guests by joining the Flying Free Podcast Club for a $5 monthly donation HERE. (Members of Flying Free and Flying Higher can join these discussions FREE. Just reach out to me, [email protected], and we'll get you set up!) Krispin Mayfield is a licensed professional counselor and author of Attached to God. He co-hosts the podcast The Prophetic Imagination Station with his wife, D.L. Mayfield, where they dissect evangelical media from the 80’s and 90’s.

I'd like to introduce you to my friend Myrtle. She's a backseat driver. The kind you can't ignore. She's MY backseat driver. And yours. Myrtle thinks she's the help-iest thing ever. She’s a big reason behind many of our behavior patterns. The places and ways we're stuck. Our self-sabotage. Myrtle is the explanation for a lot of our recurrent fears. She’s loud, proud, and she never shuts up. She provides the same old thoughts that plague us, day after day, year after year.What do we do with Myrtle? (Not to mention the bus full of other backseat drivers, in this case, younger versions of yourself.)It starts with realizing there are “no bad parts” in us, including Myrtle. I’ll tell you all about it in this episode, one of five upcoming sessions featured in the Flying Free program.The breakthroughs:Who Mad Mama is (and why she’s trying to protect me and you)Why I decided to become my own mother (sounds crazy, huh?)How to “drive your car” in a different direction when you have a freak-out sessionThe thought exercise I did to heal from the trauma of losing my relationship with my motherA better approach to losing your relationship with your older/adult kids (a common heartbreaking occurrence for divorced women of faith)A definition of trauma (it’s different for everybody)What firefighters and “I’d like to speak to the manager” have to do with each otherWhy trying to deal with multiple thoughts at a time doesn’t work (and that’s okay!)Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-downloadYou can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com